Well, despite being on my last legs, after a knackering weekend of camping with my NTC unit, TS Intrepid, and TS Sturdy, this post has arrived! For the first time in weeks. Hurrah!
Unfortunatly, it has been a particularly slow news week. After last weekends 'issues' (still unmentionable through legal reasons), I have been wollowing in a pool of my own pitty. As a result, I didn't get done, half the stuff I had on my list. As a result, I hit Friday on the ground running. The day we are going campingm and I had a load of jobs that I wanted and needed to get done, but I had left nearly all of them for today. Bugger.
So, on Friday, after watching yet more TV (depression does awful things to you - why did I watch TV, even with that much to do?), I needed to make some frames for the Archery targets, buy a new whistle, pack, sort my tent out, sort my trailer out, sort the stuff that is needed for camp out of the NTC lockup, and all before (Vatican City) 3.30 when I need to leave and pick upu my group of cadets that make up my advanced party.
Needless to say, as superhuman as I'm not, it didn't all get done. With some help from my brother, we knocked up the Archery target frames (and they worked out amazingly brilliantly!). I got the whistle on the way to pick up the cadets, got the trailer, and went to the NTC lockup. You'll notice several important things missing.
I left camp late Friday evening to pack (on the way to pick up the Chinese for the staff). As a result, I left things behind. Which meant another late night trip back home. Even then, I forgot to pickup the arrows for the archery. Of course, things had been left at the NTC lockup (although that was the result of a mis-communication between the boss and I), so that meant an early morning trip back to Lancing. Splendid.
After that, the camp went swimmingly well (especially when it rained on Sunday - geddit?). So, sorry to my fellow officers and cadets for not being organised. We blagged it through. Everyone was safe, the weekend worked out fine, and only I was totally stuffed.
With that feable, but on time post, I bid you farewell. I'm going to bed. Goodnight.
If you're not going to bed, why not leave a comment saying so.
If you're going to bed, why not leave a comment saying so (and if you are young, female and attractive, why not tell us what you are wearing).
Quote of the Week: '...or I'll deck you!' It kind of became the officer's phrase of the weekend (in a light hearted manner). Well, light hearted until Robin did deck Graham, by turning his chair over. It was funny though...
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
I'm becomming as reliable as a car made by British Leyland...
Sorry, I really have become an unreliable blogger lately. Last night was set to be my first on time post for a while, until I had experienced an unfortunate event. Due to legal reasons, I am not in a position to say what that was. I can say that no one has been injured, no property has been damaged, and I am absolutely fine.
But there were still some very bloggable parts of last week.
I started the week by helping my Mum's church youth grouup out, by providing transport to their residential visit. Once again, Ernie was fully loaded up (full roofrack and boot), towing a full trailer (although not Bernie, my trailer), with three passengers. Many of the staff were impressed that such a feet was capable with my old Ernie the Escort. 'Not bad for a 22 year old car, eh?' The parents of some of the kids were less than impressed however.
Angmering is reasonably well to do area, and many of the parents clearly consider themselves above the rest of 'us'. I have never been able to read people's expressions so clearly in my entire life. Some of the parents were horrified at the thought of their little darlings being driven in this 'old heap' of a car (of which we all know Ernie isn't). There were the other parents that feared for the poor little child's brand new digital camera, that was now sitting in a bag on my roofrack. I spent the rest of the day laughing at them.
The trip went pretty well. Of course we were beaten by all the other cars, but we arrived 5/10 minutes ahead of the minibus. Admittedly we were struggling up some of the hills at the back of Brighton on the A27. I believe at one point (going up the Devil's Dyke hill), we were down to a mere 48 miles per hour. That felt slow...
I've spent most of this week just vegetating in front of the television (quite rare for me). I have spent some time getting ready for NTC camp next weekend. So the most part of this week doesn't make for interestiung reading. So I jump forward to Sunday, when we assissted our Chichester friends in their St. Georges Day parade.
As always, the kids did brilliantly (the band sounded musical, and I fear they may even have been in step...), the cathedral service was as exciting as the colour brown, and the hymns were mocked by us. I especially liked the Hymn that went 'Give me oil, in my lamp, keep it burning', which I sung-
'Give me oil in my CAR, keep it running,
Give me oil in my car, I pray,
Give me oil in my car, stop it tappeting,
Keep it running 'til the break of day!'
Well it kept us entertained anyway. But the best moment had to be on the march back from the cathedral. It was like a scene from Dad's Army. On the way back, we have to march back past all the VIPs. The VIPs stand on a raised platform, so that we can salute them (known as a march past). As I'm sure you can imagine, this is a very ceremonial part of the day. As we marched along the road (we were at the front of the parade, as we had the band), I noticed a double-decker bus come around the corner. Clearly the Police had failed to stop it (I can see why, busses are small vehicles).
So, I thought 'This is going to be interesting', as a policeman ran ahead, and directed the bus to pull in to the side if the road, out of the way of the procession. And so, the bus pulled in - right iun front of the VIP's stand. By this time we were getting very close, getting geared up ready to salute. Now there was a huge great bus in the way. I was gleefully chuckling, as a herd of gold chained VIPs rushed to the front of the bus, to receive their salute. Bloomin hillarious.
Well that's been most of my week. I hope you are all well, and don't forget to tune in next week, when a post might event appear on time!
If you would like to read a blog post on time, why not leave a message telling me how my posts are as reliable as public transport.
If you didn't realise that that post was late, why not leave a comment telling me how my posts are as reliable as public transport.
Quote of the Week: 'Er, control? Yeah, we have the lady back to her address, but she has now decided to be extremely intoxicated... and... annoying' said one harrassed Police Officer, as his colleague and him struggled to drag a very drunk alcoholic back into her flat. This quote of the week narowly beat 'She sure is a big unit' by the other officer.
But there were still some very bloggable parts of last week.
I started the week by helping my Mum's church youth grouup out, by providing transport to their residential visit. Once again, Ernie was fully loaded up (full roofrack and boot), towing a full trailer (although not Bernie, my trailer), with three passengers. Many of the staff were impressed that such a feet was capable with my old Ernie the Escort. 'Not bad for a 22 year old car, eh?' The parents of some of the kids were less than impressed however.
Angmering is reasonably well to do area, and many of the parents clearly consider themselves above the rest of 'us'. I have never been able to read people's expressions so clearly in my entire life. Some of the parents were horrified at the thought of their little darlings being driven in this 'old heap' of a car (of which we all know Ernie isn't). There were the other parents that feared for the poor little child's brand new digital camera, that was now sitting in a bag on my roofrack. I spent the rest of the day laughing at them.
The trip went pretty well. Of course we were beaten by all the other cars, but we arrived 5/10 minutes ahead of the minibus. Admittedly we were struggling up some of the hills at the back of Brighton on the A27. I believe at one point (going up the Devil's Dyke hill), we were down to a mere 48 miles per hour. That felt slow...
I've spent most of this week just vegetating in front of the television (quite rare for me). I have spent some time getting ready for NTC camp next weekend. So the most part of this week doesn't make for interestiung reading. So I jump forward to Sunday, when we assissted our Chichester friends in their St. Georges Day parade.
As always, the kids did brilliantly (the band sounded musical, and I fear they may even have been in step...), the cathedral service was as exciting as the colour brown, and the hymns were mocked by us. I especially liked the Hymn that went 'Give me oil, in my lamp, keep it burning', which I sung-
'Give me oil in my CAR, keep it running,
Give me oil in my car, I pray,
Give me oil in my car, stop it tappeting,
Keep it running 'til the break of day!'
Well it kept us entertained anyway. But the best moment had to be on the march back from the cathedral. It was like a scene from Dad's Army. On the way back, we have to march back past all the VIPs. The VIPs stand on a raised platform, so that we can salute them (known as a march past). As I'm sure you can imagine, this is a very ceremonial part of the day. As we marched along the road (we were at the front of the parade, as we had the band), I noticed a double-decker bus come around the corner. Clearly the Police had failed to stop it (I can see why, busses are small vehicles).
So, I thought 'This is going to be interesting', as a policeman ran ahead, and directed the bus to pull in to the side if the road, out of the way of the procession. And so, the bus pulled in - right iun front of the VIP's stand. By this time we were getting very close, getting geared up ready to salute. Now there was a huge great bus in the way. I was gleefully chuckling, as a herd of gold chained VIPs rushed to the front of the bus, to receive their salute. Bloomin hillarious.
Well that's been most of my week. I hope you are all well, and don't forget to tune in next week, when a post might event appear on time!
If you would like to read a blog post on time, why not leave a message telling me how my posts are as reliable as public transport.
If you didn't realise that that post was late, why not leave a comment telling me how my posts are as reliable as public transport.
Quote of the Week: 'Er, control? Yeah, we have the lady back to her address, but she has now decided to be extremely intoxicated... and... annoying' said one harrassed Police Officer, as his colleague and him struggled to drag a very drunk alcoholic back into her flat. This quote of the week narowly beat 'She sure is a big unit' by the other officer.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
I suppose this should be a fortnight's worth of blog...
The more observant readers amongst you, will have noticed something a little odd last week. For many of you, this will have come as a great shock to you, and for some of you, your bosses may have been unable to explain the bizarre phenomenon that occurred. From the most recent reports that I have managed to obtain, last week saw the country's gross national product increase by 27p. The reason for this - there was no CATCOUK post last week!
How did this disaster to mankind happen I hear you cry. Well it's very simple actually. I cocked up. I should have mentioned two weeks ago, in my last post, that I may not be able to post last week. And I forgot. Sorry.
I spent last week on an RYA Dinghy Instructor's course, at Cobnor Activity Center. I had to be there for Sunday evening, so I didn't get a chance to post. And as I've been there all week, I've not had a chance to put up a message or anything. As it is, I wouldn't have had time anyway. The general way that thing worked, was I would wake up around 7am in the morning, breakfast at 8, and we would start work at 9. In between, we would have to do various duties, depending on what we were assigned to (kitchen, housekeeping, or boats). From 9 until 9 or 10pm, we would get a few tea breaks, and an hour for lunch. Other than that, we worked solidly. Oh boy - those were long busy days...
But not without fun though. Okay, so more than half the say was spent talking about dead boring subjects (especially Child Protection - which always bores me). As I said at the course, when asked what does Child Protection mean, "Child Protection is very simple - don't kiddie fiddle". But the rest of the time, we spent sailing. I genuinely love sailing - especially on a quiet, sunny and relaxing day. And for the first four days, this is pretty much how the sailing side of things went. That was until, the day of our assesment. On the last day, the wind picked up considerably. I don't particularly enjoy sailing when the wind is ripping through, and I'm sailing a particularly clunky 18 year old boat, being held together by 17 year old mould...
Needless to say, my assesment didn't go well. I didn't fail, but I didn't pass either. The RYA have this middle grade of an 'Action Plan'. So I have pretty much passed, but I need to help instruct 10 evening classes before I get my ticket. They told me, that the entire week went really well, but that last day did it for them. They said that I didn't really look like I was enjoying myself, and I didn't exube confidence. I wonder why.
As exhausting as the week was, it was fun. And quite suprising too. Now, I know that all of my readers know that NTC means Nautical Training Corps. But usually I have to explain what the NTC is, and what I do, so on, and so on. But amazingly, this course was littered with NTC people. The lead instructor used to help alot at our Portsmouth training centre. One of the assistant instructor's used to work with one of the Corps' most infamous Commanding Officers (he goes by the name of Mr. Ginnaw). If that wasn't enough, a couple of days into the course, I discovered that the guy I was sharing a room with, was a member of TS Resolution NTC, and another guy was an ex-member. That may only be four people, but that's about 3 more than usual!
Lastly, there was one odd thing about the course. I have attended quite a few training courses recently (NGB Courses), and at almost all of them, I was one of the youngest, if not the youngest attendee. But at this sailing course, I was beginning to feel a little old. This course has a minimum age ogf 16, and so the majority of the course were younger than me. Out of 17 students, I was in the top 5 oldest people. It was a bizarre feeling.
And on that low note, it is time for me to go to bed. I still haven't recovered from the week. I am bloomin shattered.
If you can think of anything witty to say, why not leave a comment to give me some ideas for next week.
If you can't think of anything witty yo say, why not leave a comment anyway.
Thanks to Siobhan and Rob for leaving comments last week. It's nice to feel missed.
Quote of the Week: 'I've lost helm control!' called a harrassed sailing student (not me), as we rounded a mark whilst racing, and I commented that we were turning a bit too far, just before he continued to interupt himself by saying 'Oh - the rudder's snapped off.' He did a good job too, bent the metal work holding the rotten wooden rudder blade...
Song of the Month: I fought the law - The Clash (thanks for the good times, and we'll see you next year when Ashes to Ashes returns, DCI Gene Hunt - an inspiration to us all, and law enforcement officers everywhere)
How did this disaster to mankind happen I hear you cry. Well it's very simple actually. I cocked up. I should have mentioned two weeks ago, in my last post, that I may not be able to post last week. And I forgot. Sorry.
I spent last week on an RYA Dinghy Instructor's course, at Cobnor Activity Center. I had to be there for Sunday evening, so I didn't get a chance to post. And as I've been there all week, I've not had a chance to put up a message or anything. As it is, I wouldn't have had time anyway. The general way that thing worked, was I would wake up around 7am in the morning, breakfast at 8, and we would start work at 9. In between, we would have to do various duties, depending on what we were assigned to (kitchen, housekeeping, or boats). From 9 until 9 or 10pm, we would get a few tea breaks, and an hour for lunch. Other than that, we worked solidly. Oh boy - those were long busy days...
But not without fun though. Okay, so more than half the say was spent talking about dead boring subjects (especially Child Protection - which always bores me). As I said at the course, when asked what does Child Protection mean, "Child Protection is very simple - don't kiddie fiddle". But the rest of the time, we spent sailing. I genuinely love sailing - especially on a quiet, sunny and relaxing day. And for the first four days, this is pretty much how the sailing side of things went. That was until, the day of our assesment. On the last day, the wind picked up considerably. I don't particularly enjoy sailing when the wind is ripping through, and I'm sailing a particularly clunky 18 year old boat, being held together by 17 year old mould...
Needless to say, my assesment didn't go well. I didn't fail, but I didn't pass either. The RYA have this middle grade of an 'Action Plan'. So I have pretty much passed, but I need to help instruct 10 evening classes before I get my ticket. They told me, that the entire week went really well, but that last day did it for them. They said that I didn't really look like I was enjoying myself, and I didn't exube confidence. I wonder why.
As exhausting as the week was, it was fun. And quite suprising too. Now, I know that all of my readers know that NTC means Nautical Training Corps. But usually I have to explain what the NTC is, and what I do, so on, and so on. But amazingly, this course was littered with NTC people. The lead instructor used to help alot at our Portsmouth training centre. One of the assistant instructor's used to work with one of the Corps' most infamous Commanding Officers (he goes by the name of Mr. Ginnaw). If that wasn't enough, a couple of days into the course, I discovered that the guy I was sharing a room with, was a member of TS Resolution NTC, and another guy was an ex-member. That may only be four people, but that's about 3 more than usual!
Lastly, there was one odd thing about the course. I have attended quite a few training courses recently (NGB Courses), and at almost all of them, I was one of the youngest, if not the youngest attendee. But at this sailing course, I was beginning to feel a little old. This course has a minimum age ogf 16, and so the majority of the course were younger than me. Out of 17 students, I was in the top 5 oldest people. It was a bizarre feeling.
And on that low note, it is time for me to go to bed. I still haven't recovered from the week. I am bloomin shattered.
If you can think of anything witty to say, why not leave a comment to give me some ideas for next week.
If you can't think of anything witty yo say, why not leave a comment anyway.
Thanks to Siobhan and Rob for leaving comments last week. It's nice to feel missed.
Quote of the Week: 'I've lost helm control!' called a harrassed sailing student (not me), as we rounded a mark whilst racing, and I commented that we were turning a bit too far, just before he continued to interupt himself by saying 'Oh - the rudder's snapped off.' He did a good job too, bent the metal work holding the rotten wooden rudder blade...
Song of the Month: I fought the law - The Clash (thanks for the good times, and we'll see you next year when Ashes to Ashes returns, DCI Gene Hunt - an inspiration to us all, and law enforcement officers everywhere)
Sunday, March 30, 2008
That was a CLASS assembley...
Only a short post this week, as I have another YouTube video treat for you all.
I can not let this week slip by, without some reference, somewhere, of this week's class assembly at school (there's a double, ironic meaning in 'class'). Now, this was nothing to do with me (in fact, I have managed to avoid having anything to do with any class assembly (except for watching some of them - some of them are pretty good!). Granted, our school only has a few class assemblies each year (enough for each class), but none of my classes have been involved with any (thank goodness, they just look like a large ammount of stress!).
So anyway, back to the task at hand. This particular teacher is infamous amongst the staff for producing (how can I say crap, without upsetting anyone's feelings?) slightly substandard assemblies. With that sort of a build up, how could I miss it? Perhaps I should have heeded myu colleague's warnings...
Bearing in mind that a class assembly is supposed to be around 25 minutes long, check out this amazing schedule...
5 minutes - introduction and 'interviews' with children of various sports.
10 minutes - a 10 year old's take on strictly come dancing (which was basically an excuse for the girls to dance about on stage - that was teadious after the third or fourth performance).
5 minutes - what they did for Sport Relief - Ah ha - here comes the point of the assembly, and undoubtable the end.
2 minutes - film from Sport Relief to show who is helped by Sport Relief money - nice touch to finish.
5 minutes - more 'interviews' with children, this time who have raised money by doing different sports. Okay, beginning to drag a little now.
3 minutes - a display of - wrestling. That's right, wrestling. In a school where we don't even allow play fighting. And I say wrestling, what I actually mean to say is general unrehearsed play thuggery. Some of the children were pretending to bash each others' skulls in with mini white boards! - I have never felt so cringeworthy, want to crawl out of my skin, uncomfortable in my life!
3 minutes - another display. This time of gymnastics. The first girl did a cartwheel - straight off the stage. Okay, maybe that was planned, but she didn't land well exactly, and I thought she was going to break her ankle, and take out several of the year 4 children watching.
3 minutes - just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water - more dancing. Obviously, we hadn't been bored out our skulls enough earlier on - this time ballet.
3 minutes - sport relate joke telling. Some of them were quite funny (if only they'd practiced not ruining the punchlines...)
4 minutes - all about how sport brings people together - ah so another end meaning to the assembly. Thank goodness, this must be the end. But no...
2 minutes - group sing song of (cringing just that little bit more) - You'll Never Walk Alone. Oh God. Could they have picked a more depressing, slow, and out of tune song.
For the mathematically aware amongst you, that's right - a 25 minute assembly (as stressful as it was) that lasted - 45 f**k**g minutes. It was torture. Don't get me wrong, the kids did well and all that, but how could the teacher let that happen? It was such a terrible experience, I had to go the staff room afterwards, and get a sugary drink (Ribena).
The boss, to his credit, was able to stand up at the end of the assembly, and say a few words. He praised the children, and thanked them, and explained that he had ('fortunatly' he said, although the staff all picked up the subtle sarcasm there) only missed the first 5 mins. He went onto explain that he had to pick up a minibus, and he had trouble with the alarm. He had feared he might end up in n Worthing nick. As he said this, I imagine several staff members muttered 'I wish I had been in Worthing Police Station...' (lord knows I did).
I really did feel physically ill after that assembly. Not just because of the content, but also from the point of view as an adult allowing these poor children to see this awful assembly. Ye gadds...
Now, to the real reason for this post, and the thing that allows me to finish 'Hunt for Red October' in peace. The new YouTube video. I have to frontload this a little. I know that I have prattled on about my amazing Ford Escort for the past few weeks, but I promise to stop for a while. But, with the new foglights (and locks) I really felt that Ernie had been refitted. So, in Star Trek fashion, I decide to make a short film. Even if you're not a Star Trek fan, I'm sure you'll find this ammusing. If you are a Star Trek fan, just think Star Trek: The Motion Picture (the Enterprise leaves Dry Dock).
LAUNCH OF THE ENTER-SCORT!
(If you can't see the above, click here).
See you all next week. Don't forget to comment on YouTube!
If you remember your school assemblies, why not leave a comment, and say that you are aged 16 year or under.
If you don't remeber your school assemblies, why not leave a comment, and say that you are aged over 21...
If you are aged between 16 and 21, you probably can't be bothered to leave a comment. What am I saying? Most people can't be bothered anyway...
Quote of the Week: 'At least the children enjoyed it,' said the boss in the staffroom, whilst we were all moaniung about the assembly. To which I replied 'Well done for finding the positive...'.
I can not let this week slip by, without some reference, somewhere, of this week's class assembly at school (there's a double, ironic meaning in 'class'). Now, this was nothing to do with me (in fact, I have managed to avoid having anything to do with any class assembly (except for watching some of them - some of them are pretty good!). Granted, our school only has a few class assemblies each year (enough for each class), but none of my classes have been involved with any (thank goodness, they just look like a large ammount of stress!).
So anyway, back to the task at hand. This particular teacher is infamous amongst the staff for producing (how can I say crap, without upsetting anyone's feelings?) slightly substandard assemblies. With that sort of a build up, how could I miss it? Perhaps I should have heeded myu colleague's warnings...
Bearing in mind that a class assembly is supposed to be around 25 minutes long, check out this amazing schedule...
5 minutes - introduction and 'interviews' with children of various sports.
10 minutes - a 10 year old's take on strictly come dancing (which was basically an excuse for the girls to dance about on stage - that was teadious after the third or fourth performance).
5 minutes - what they did for Sport Relief - Ah ha - here comes the point of the assembly, and undoubtable the end.
2 minutes - film from Sport Relief to show who is helped by Sport Relief money - nice touch to finish.
5 minutes - more 'interviews' with children, this time who have raised money by doing different sports. Okay, beginning to drag a little now.
3 minutes - a display of - wrestling. That's right, wrestling. In a school where we don't even allow play fighting. And I say wrestling, what I actually mean to say is general unrehearsed play thuggery. Some of the children were pretending to bash each others' skulls in with mini white boards! - I have never felt so cringeworthy, want to crawl out of my skin, uncomfortable in my life!
3 minutes - another display. This time of gymnastics. The first girl did a cartwheel - straight off the stage. Okay, maybe that was planned, but she didn't land well exactly, and I thought she was going to break her ankle, and take out several of the year 4 children watching.
3 minutes - just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water - more dancing. Obviously, we hadn't been bored out our skulls enough earlier on - this time ballet.
3 minutes - sport relate joke telling. Some of them were quite funny (if only they'd practiced not ruining the punchlines...)
4 minutes - all about how sport brings people together - ah so another end meaning to the assembly. Thank goodness, this must be the end. But no...
2 minutes - group sing song of (cringing just that little bit more) - You'll Never Walk Alone. Oh God. Could they have picked a more depressing, slow, and out of tune song.
For the mathematically aware amongst you, that's right - a 25 minute assembly (as stressful as it was) that lasted - 45 f**k**g minutes. It was torture. Don't get me wrong, the kids did well and all that, but how could the teacher let that happen? It was such a terrible experience, I had to go the staff room afterwards, and get a sugary drink (Ribena).
The boss, to his credit, was able to stand up at the end of the assembly, and say a few words. He praised the children, and thanked them, and explained that he had ('fortunatly' he said, although the staff all picked up the subtle sarcasm there) only missed the first 5 mins. He went onto explain that he had to pick up a minibus, and he had trouble with the alarm. He had feared he might end up in n Worthing nick. As he said this, I imagine several staff members muttered 'I wish I had been in Worthing Police Station...' (lord knows I did).
I really did feel physically ill after that assembly. Not just because of the content, but also from the point of view as an adult allowing these poor children to see this awful assembly. Ye gadds...
Now, to the real reason for this post, and the thing that allows me to finish 'Hunt for Red October' in peace. The new YouTube video. I have to frontload this a little. I know that I have prattled on about my amazing Ford Escort for the past few weeks, but I promise to stop for a while. But, with the new foglights (and locks) I really felt that Ernie had been refitted. So, in Star Trek fashion, I decide to make a short film. Even if you're not a Star Trek fan, I'm sure you'll find this ammusing. If you are a Star Trek fan, just think Star Trek: The Motion Picture (the Enterprise leaves Dry Dock).
LAUNCH OF THE ENTER-SCORT!
(If you can't see the above, click here).
See you all next week. Don't forget to comment on YouTube!
If you remember your school assemblies, why not leave a comment, and say that you are aged 16 year or under.
If you don't remeber your school assemblies, why not leave a comment, and say that you are aged over 21...
If you are aged between 16 and 21, you probably can't be bothered to leave a comment. What am I saying? Most people can't be bothered anyway...
Quote of the Week: 'At least the children enjoyed it,' said the boss in the staffroom, whilst we were all moaniung about the assembly. To which I replied 'Well done for finding the positive...'.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
My own personal Escort...
And it's Sunday again. Well it was when I was making up this week's post.
Happy Eastere and all that to my readers. It's not a happy easter for me. This is the first time in three years that I've been at home for Easter. For the last two years, I have spent the Easter bank holiday weekend in Snowdonia, mountaineering. This year, Ernie is sitting on the drive way, and I'm sitting at home very bored. Come back Adventure Ed friends - I miss you all.
Someone told me this week that at the age of 21, I am at the peak of my physical performance. Oh bugger. That really doesn't bode well for me does it? Last week, I couldn't even keep up with a 25 minute football match. What hope is their for me for the future? Oh well, there's always the high ammount of money that I'll get paid as a teacher... Damn.
Now, the hardcore catcouk fans out there, will remember that many, many, many months ago, I said that Ernie had developed an unfortunate fault. But because of security reasons, I couldn't tell everyone. Well, now I can. Very inconveniently, I didn't have a single functioning lock on the car. Well, they worked, but the key didn't turn the barrel. With the exception of the ignition barrel, and the fuel cap.
The driver's lock failed in March 2006, when I swapped the driver and passenger door locks over. The boot lock ceased to function sometime over the summer of 2006. And in September last year, when one of my cadets went to my car, the drivers side lock (which used to be the passenger side lock) as buggered. Ever since, I have been looking for replacement locks.
Being a bit of a tart, I wanted all of the locks to match (i.e. have a single key). You're not going to believe this, but finding a complete set if replacement locks for a 1986 Mk IV Ford Escort is not easy. But a few weeks ago, on eBay, for a mere £18 (and anyone making comments about that being more than the value of the car will be run over), I found a set. Sorry Michael, I know you were looking at them too...
Being the manly man that I am (so manly, that I had to go and grovel to my friend Michael to put my foglights on) I did all the locks myself!!! That's right, me! And most amazingly of all, and I still haven't quite got over the novelty, I now drive a car that has a complete set of working locks. I can now lock my car. Even the boot! Woohoo!
As I perused the internet the other day, and thinking about my hard work on my car's locks, I decided to see what pictures are on the internet of Ford Escort Estates. For gould's sake, don't just search for 'escort' - the wrong pictures start to appear. If you use Google's Image search, the first Mk IV Escort on the search is... ERNIE THE ESCORT. Fair enough, it's about the fourth or fifth page in, but Ernie is the first Mk IV Escort on that search. There you go, it's official - I drive the most famous Mk IV Ford Escort Estate on the planet! Hurrah!
Welcome (back) to the 1980's - is this the Escort equivalent of giving Ernie a facelift?
Having spent the entire post raving about my very famous, and well loved Ford Escort (well it has appeared on several videos on YouTube), I wish to finish with a few comments:
1. No bugger commented last week (although granted, I was late posting);
2. I don't care if you don't like cars - no one forced you to read about my classic 1986 Ford Escort Mk IV 1.4 GL Estate in Champagne Gold;
and 3. When I purchased Ernie, it wasn't really through choice. He was cheap, an estate, cheap to run, and cheap to road tax (on that front, see below). Now though, having worked for a couple of months, I could buy a new car. But I choose not to. Ernie is an amazing car, and let's be honest, you all wished you could drive a car that was this cool!
**Note below. Michael, who owns the same car as me, but his is a somewhat problematic cabriolet, asked me how much I pay for road tax. Well, for a few years, it was stuck at £110. This year, I got stung, and had to pay £115. But my dear old friend Michael pays a bit more than that. Granted his is a 1.6, but he pays... wait for it... £200! Sorry Mike.
If you don't like cars, why not leave a comment saying how much you like to walk every where. In the rain.
If you like cars, and (even if only secretly) would like to own a Ford Escort, why not leave a comment saying that you would like one. Sorry, Ernie's not for sale.
Quote of the Week: 'I probably won't see you tomorrow Mr. Clarke... You'll probably be dead' replied one pupil this week, after seeing me start my motorbike, and telling me how dangerous it is... Cheers buddy.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Later than geriatric striker on sleeping tablets, for a football match!
I'd like to say that I'm sorry for an exceptionally late blog, but I can't lie. There used to be a time when I would be late with a post, and at least someone would complain. None of you can be bothered any more can you?
Well, as I'm sure you've guessed, it's been a busy couple of days. I haven't been near my laptop in several days. But I'll tell you all why towards the end...
It's report writing time at Chesswood School, and believe it or not, all the teachers are very busy writing/ typing them all. One colleague of mine, Zoe, told me that she ran a word count on one of her reports, and it was in excess of 1000 words. Over a class of 30, that's 30 000 words (3 times that of a standard university dissertation, or just a mere 6 and half months of CATCOUK). So just a note to all of my fellow students out there - there are people far worse off than us. And these guys do this every year!
Anyways, it being the case that we haven't yet recovered from Ofsted, the teachers are all naturally a little stressed. And like the mug that I am, I'm always willing to pitch in, and share some of the stress. I spent most of last week at work glued to a computer, sorting out various IT administrative issues with year 7 reports. I think, although I've really lost the plot, I've worked on 3 out of the 4 year 7 classes. The biggest job was helping out the deputy head. For Dennis, being the most pleasant man in the world is a full-time job. He's retiring this year, to the dismay of the whole staff team, and as such, could be described as a little advanced in years. Despite his 40 odd years of teaching experience, he's never really learnt to grapple with a computer. So having hand-written all of his reports, I needed to scan them all in, and format them so other teachers could write their various reports in. Job and a half that, but we all love you Dennis!
When Friday rolled around, having managed to wear my own personal arse groove into the plastic stall near one of the staff room computers, I was dragged away in a semi-concsious state to the school field. Apparently, before my soul had been swallowed up by the computer system, I had agreed to join in with festivities for 'Sport Relief'. And bless the year 5 team, but they had organised (and I use the term organised very loosely) a staff v students football match. Having found my old high school PE jersey (St. Andrews for life!), and yes it still fits, I ambled onto the school's football pitch.
The atmosphere was really good. I had worried about the non-sporty kids being bored, but the vast majority seemed to have a really good time. At one point (when we were in the lead), a teacher that wasn't playing, Ian, nipped onto the pitch, to just tap the ball beyond the goal. To be fair, our goalkeeper would never have tried to save it, but somehow, Ian's ball played straight into Carolyn's stomach. And Ian's 'tap' was quite powerful. Although mainly for comic effect, Carolyn went straight to the deck, bent over in mock agony. The irony is, this was the best and only save she made in the whole match!
As a brief interlude (big word for you lot I know, but bare with me), I just can't resist putting up pointless and needless photos of my car, and now 'fleet'. With both the amazing Ernie the Escort, and Eric (Morecombe) the Motorbike, I felt it was about time for some family photo album pics.
Master and Commander: the new old and impressive fleet.
Introducing Eric Morcombe the Motorbike, a 1989 Honda (not Hongdou) CB450 DX. When it was new, it would have done a standing quarter mile in 5 seconds apparently. It's still pretty quick.
One more for luck (well, Eric deserves his moment, and this ol' Honda is a smooth as silk). And you would never even notice the reflection of the camera man (what a muppet I am...).
On Sunday, I attended the most boring course that I have attended in a long time. I felt that it would be a good idea for my to gain a VHF radio operator's license, and the NTC's sailing centre, NSTC Lion, had bought an instructor in. The centre was great as always (just in case you've surfed in looking to hire the centre), but the courswe... Snooze-athon. It's been quite a few years since the last time I nearly fell asleep whilst in a class. The instructor really knew his stuff, and had several witty anecdotes - but you can only work with the subject matter. Anyways, I'm now licensed to operate a radio station on marine VHF channel (only kidding Ian, that's illegal...).
I had been told that the course might finish at 5, maybe 5.30. So when I eventually left the place at 6.30, I really had to gun it over to Lancing. Michael, my best friend, and his lovely girlfriend Amy have been inviting me over for dinner for weeks. I thought I might actually make one. But just a mere 55 minute later, I was standing outside their Lancing flat. Dinner was great, thanks Amy.
But the main reason for my visit, was to make a modification to my car (I don't want Ernie feeling left out with all this talk of motorbikes...). I now have fitted, although not wired in, very 1980's spot lights on the front. Michael and I were working in his garage until midnight, but to be fair, we did have to remove the bumper. Well, I see we, Michael did most of the work, as I don't really know what I'm doing. Thanks Michael, I'm just not going to mention the rust we found under the wings...
Well that was my week. Thanks for all your concern that there was no post this week (you lot just don't care do you?), with the exception of one text I received. No, I haven't crashed Eric, and yes, I am still alive (not that any of you could give a hoot...).
If you have never been late for something, and have never mis-spelled anything (perhaps you're using a spell checker, hey Ian...) you are clearly perfect, and should leave a perfect comment.
If you appreciate that sometimes there are more important things than writing a load of old rubbish that no one reads or cares about (like sleep), why not just go and do something else, and not bother leaving a comment (guess we'll see if a bit of reverse psychology works).
Quote of the Week: (and I have to say, there were several to choose from this week) 'Will Andy be staying here tonight' said Amy in a text at 1120pm, obviously having alot of faith that Michael and I would replace the bumper so that I could drive home...
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Oh dear, another unremarkable week...
First off, I have to say that comments were rather sparse last week. Until 'Struddy' left a last minute comment today, FaceBook was the only comment. Wake up guys - FaceBook are going to start storming ahead with their comments! I know last week's post was pretty poor, but look at the material I have to workl with - my life!!!
And I am pleased to report that this week has been - dull. In fact, you can all stop reading here, nothing ammusing is going to happen. Go on, clear off the lot of you! Go and do some work - even that will be more entertaining than anything I've got to say.
What? Why are you still reading? Oh, alright, I'll carry on writing. Let me see...
Well, this was my first week with my new motorbike. Having had a great day on it on Sunday, and filled with optimism and confidence, I drove it to work. Not being terribly awake in the morning, I left the roundabout, and just opened the metaphorical taps. I worked up through the six gears, and I glance down at the speedometer. I've just left the roundabout, and I chuckle in shock. 70mph. I'd only just left the roundabout. On Tuesday evening, I went to TS Sturdy in Chichester. Not being 100% comfortable with riding that distance, I took Ernie. For some reason, Ernie seemed to be accelerating really slowly...
I'd love to say that I rode Eric (my bike) all week, but that would be a lie. For when I woke up on Wednesday morning, an amazing thing happened. I was ill. Again! It must be working with school children. This is the third time I've had to have a day of work. It drives me mad!!! I'm beginning to fear that my colleagues (and bosses) will think that I take regular 'sickies'. I crawled into work on Thursday, still as sick as a parrot. It seemed as though everyone was asking me one of two questions: 1 - are you feeling better (bless 'em, they're a caring lot) - no; 2 - did you come on the bike - no, I'm having balance problems, it didn't seem like a good idea.
Having said that, although I'm still not 100%, I am okay now, and I even went out on the bike over thge weekend. Just as I think I'm going to be getting back on the bike again, I fear that one hell of a storm is about to come through. As I'm still relatively new on the bike, I said that I would take the car if the weather looked like it was going to turn really ugly (yes, like me). I'm not a fairweather rider, but whilst I'm still getting back to grips with a bike, it just feels sensible. Sorry about that.
Lastly, before we all give up the will to live (and I still can't believe you're still reading - have you got nothing better to do?), I will just tell you that I have gained another qualification. I am now a National Smallbore Rifle Association (NSRA) YPS Air Rifle Instructor. Woohoo! I can now instruct young people how to assault a target with a deadly weapon... That sounds like just the sort of skill that children from Lancing need!
If you made it this far, why not leave a comment (so that I know there are people with sader lives than me).
If you made it this far, you may have lost the will to live. Remember - life goes one.
Quote of the week: 'You're always critising me' argued a student with his teacher, after the teacher has sujested some ways to improve the work. Duh - that's the teachers job you pillock! (that quote of the week may get me fired...)
And I am pleased to report that this week has been - dull. In fact, you can all stop reading here, nothing ammusing is going to happen. Go on, clear off the lot of you! Go and do some work - even that will be more entertaining than anything I've got to say.
What? Why are you still reading? Oh, alright, I'll carry on writing. Let me see...
Well, this was my first week with my new motorbike. Having had a great day on it on Sunday, and filled with optimism and confidence, I drove it to work. Not being terribly awake in the morning, I left the roundabout, and just opened the metaphorical taps. I worked up through the six gears, and I glance down at the speedometer. I've just left the roundabout, and I chuckle in shock. 70mph. I'd only just left the roundabout. On Tuesday evening, I went to TS Sturdy in Chichester. Not being 100% comfortable with riding that distance, I took Ernie. For some reason, Ernie seemed to be accelerating really slowly...
I'd love to say that I rode Eric (my bike) all week, but that would be a lie. For when I woke up on Wednesday morning, an amazing thing happened. I was ill. Again! It must be working with school children. This is the third time I've had to have a day of work. It drives me mad!!! I'm beginning to fear that my colleagues (and bosses) will think that I take regular 'sickies'. I crawled into work on Thursday, still as sick as a parrot. It seemed as though everyone was asking me one of two questions: 1 - are you feeling better (bless 'em, they're a caring lot) - no; 2 - did you come on the bike - no, I'm having balance problems, it didn't seem like a good idea.
Having said that, although I'm still not 100%, I am okay now, and I even went out on the bike over thge weekend. Just as I think I'm going to be getting back on the bike again, I fear that one hell of a storm is about to come through. As I'm still relatively new on the bike, I said that I would take the car if the weather looked like it was going to turn really ugly (yes, like me). I'm not a fairweather rider, but whilst I'm still getting back to grips with a bike, it just feels sensible. Sorry about that.
Lastly, before we all give up the will to live (and I still can't believe you're still reading - have you got nothing better to do?), I will just tell you that I have gained another qualification. I am now a National Smallbore Rifle Association (NSRA) YPS Air Rifle Instructor. Woohoo! I can now instruct young people how to assault a target with a deadly weapon... That sounds like just the sort of skill that children from Lancing need!
If you made it this far, why not leave a comment (so that I know there are people with sader lives than me).
If you made it this far, you may have lost the will to live. Remember - life goes one.
Quote of the week: 'You're always critising me' argued a student with his teacher, after the teacher has sujested some ways to improve the work. Duh - that's the teachers job you pillock! (that quote of the week may get me fired...)
Sunday, March 02, 2008
I'd like to introduce you to...
Once again, I find myself cramming in another blog post, after an evening of beaver-like effort on some NTC work. For the last 6 hours, I have been solidly and furiously laptopping away. But hey-ho, the Corps' brand new E-mail system now works (I hope). Only a few more nights of boring myself to tears, and the website will be up and running. What an exciting person I am...
Only a short post this week. On the one hand, I apologise for a short post (but I need to sleep somewhen, and I have work in the morining). In the other hand, you'll all be able to get back to something more worth while a bit quicker.
Before I go any further, I think I need to apologise. Someone text me on Monday evening, and I think they were offended, and felt that I had not enjoyed an evening out. I don't know who it was, and I thought I had replied. But they haven't replied to me - guess I've annoyed someone else.
On Monday evening, I met up with Michael, for some casual post-birthday drinks. Whilst we were out, Michael asked me if I had read my blog lately. Well I right the flippin' thing, so I don't think that there's a need for me to read it. The observant readers amongst you will have seen a special meassage put up by my best friend, on my Birthday. Thanks Michael, I think...
You avid FaceBookers out there may have noticed something very unusal this week. I updated my status twice. This is because I've had two exciting events. On Thursday night, I was officially promoted to the rank of Commander in the Nautical Training Corps, as part of my new position of Adventure Activities Director. Now I know that sound really exciting, but at the moment, it just involves me writing regulations, and streamlining paperwork - very adventurous...
Having said that, National Council meetings are always a laugh. Quite how an organisation can keep running with a group of people like that falling asleep, and ignoring each other, I don't know. On the bright side, there are some useful people on National Council (long may they stay).
Saturday night was TS Intrepid NTC's first awards evenining in five years. It was so long ago that we last had an awards night, I won a trophy! The evening went off without a hitch, and I'm glad that we had it planned to a fine art... not. But no one noticed, and it was an enjoyable evening. I think a highlight may have been when I did a little performance. But there have been threats of putting it on YouTube, so we'll wait and see.
Finally, and most excitingly of all, is the result of last week's blog. You may remember that I said I was buying a second vehicle - and what a vehicle. 44 break horse power, 447cc, 6-speed gear box, and standing quater mile in less than 5 seconds. All sounds pretty tasty. And it is! I am now the very proud owner of one classic 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL, and a classic 1989 Honda CB450 DX!
[I'd love to show you a photo of my new bike, but my sodding phone doesn't want to let me - ARGHH!]
I usually use aliteration when I name my vehicles (where both words start with the same letters), but an exception has been made for my brand new bike (well sort of). One of my favourite comedy duos is Morcombe and Wise, or otherwise known as Eric and Ernie. So, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, may I present to you, Eric Morcombe, the Motorbike. I've ridden him about today, and I have to say, I was nervous about it. I haven't ridden a bike in over two years, and Eric is much larger than my old Hongdou was. But what can I say - just like riding a bike really (well, duh, it is a bike).
Some of my older readers may remember an old TV show called 'CHiPs'. At home (bearing in mind Mum and Dad both ride bikes too), we're thinking that Eric definatly has a CHiPs flavour to him... And may I also say that, despite being 19 years old, he is incredibly quick. Dad drove him home for me, whilst I followed in Ernie. With Ernie's accelerator ground into the floor, I just couldn't keep up! It's also exceptionally quick from standing - exceptionally.
Finally, before I crawl into bed, this bike doesn't have very large handle for passengers to hold onto. So, I'm thinking, when I choose to transport a beautiful lady on my bike (or can I call it my chopper...?), she'll have to hold onto me... (he said with childish, teenage nod).
If you are thinking of some childish comment that insults my 'classic' vehicles, that somehow relates to them being a comedy duo, why not leave a comment (on someone else's blog that cares...).
If you are an attractive lady, and would like a ride on my chopper, why not leave a comment... Well, it's got to be a worth a try!
Quote of the week: 'So, will the Safety Regulations change?' asked one very old Regional Commander at the National Council meeting, just after I've spent 20 minutes explaining how I need and want to change the Safety Regulations...
Song of the Month: Take Her Back. Pidgeon Detectives.
Only a short post this week. On the one hand, I apologise for a short post (but I need to sleep somewhen, and I have work in the morining). In the other hand, you'll all be able to get back to something more worth while a bit quicker.
Before I go any further, I think I need to apologise. Someone text me on Monday evening, and I think they were offended, and felt that I had not enjoyed an evening out. I don't know who it was, and I thought I had replied. But they haven't replied to me - guess I've annoyed someone else.
On Monday evening, I met up with Michael, for some casual post-birthday drinks. Whilst we were out, Michael asked me if I had read my blog lately. Well I right the flippin' thing, so I don't think that there's a need for me to read it. The observant readers amongst you will have seen a special meassage put up by my best friend, on my Birthday. Thanks Michael, I think...
You avid FaceBookers out there may have noticed something very unusal this week. I updated my status twice. This is because I've had two exciting events. On Thursday night, I was officially promoted to the rank of Commander in the Nautical Training Corps, as part of my new position of Adventure Activities Director. Now I know that sound really exciting, but at the moment, it just involves me writing regulations, and streamlining paperwork - very adventurous...
Having said that, National Council meetings are always a laugh. Quite how an organisation can keep running with a group of people like that falling asleep, and ignoring each other, I don't know. On the bright side, there are some useful people on National Council (long may they stay).
Saturday night was TS Intrepid NTC's first awards evenining in five years. It was so long ago that we last had an awards night, I won a trophy! The evening went off without a hitch, and I'm glad that we had it planned to a fine art... not. But no one noticed, and it was an enjoyable evening. I think a highlight may have been when I did a little performance. But there have been threats of putting it on YouTube, so we'll wait and see.
Finally, and most excitingly of all, is the result of last week's blog. You may remember that I said I was buying a second vehicle - and what a vehicle. 44 break horse power, 447cc, 6-speed gear box, and standing quater mile in less than 5 seconds. All sounds pretty tasty. And it is! I am now the very proud owner of one classic 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL, and a classic 1989 Honda CB450 DX!
[I'd love to show you a photo of my new bike, but my sodding phone doesn't want to let me - ARGHH!]
I usually use aliteration when I name my vehicles (where both words start with the same letters), but an exception has been made for my brand new bike (well sort of). One of my favourite comedy duos is Morcombe and Wise, or otherwise known as Eric and Ernie. So, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, may I present to you, Eric Morcombe, the Motorbike. I've ridden him about today, and I have to say, I was nervous about it. I haven't ridden a bike in over two years, and Eric is much larger than my old Hongdou was. But what can I say - just like riding a bike really (well, duh, it is a bike).
Some of my older readers may remember an old TV show called 'CHiPs'. At home (bearing in mind Mum and Dad both ride bikes too), we're thinking that Eric definatly has a CHiPs flavour to him... And may I also say that, despite being 19 years old, he is incredibly quick. Dad drove him home for me, whilst I followed in Ernie. With Ernie's accelerator ground into the floor, I just couldn't keep up! It's also exceptionally quick from standing - exceptionally.
Finally, before I crawl into bed, this bike doesn't have very large handle for passengers to hold onto. So, I'm thinking, when I choose to transport a beautiful lady on my bike (or can I call it my chopper...?), she'll have to hold onto me... (he said with childish, teenage nod).
If you are thinking of some childish comment that insults my 'classic' vehicles, that somehow relates to them being a comedy duo, why not leave a comment (on someone else's blog that cares...).
If you are an attractive lady, and would like a ride on my chopper, why not leave a comment... Well, it's got to be a worth a try!
Quote of the week: 'So, will the Safety Regulations change?' asked one very old Regional Commander at the National Council meeting, just after I've spent 20 minutes explaining how I need and want to change the Safety Regulations...
Song of the Month: Take Her Back. Pidgeon Detectives.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Half Term blues...
Good day one and all.
I know that you've all logged on to read about the very exciting antic that I've got up to this week, but to be honest, it's been a pretty uninteresting week. Having said that, I feel my perspective is ever so slightly biased by what happened on Friday...
On Tuesday, I accompanied by friend Michael to Brighton. Him and his cousin recently bought a Mk IV Escort (same as my car) Cabriolet (Ernie has a roof though...). They are taking it to bits, and are salvaging parts for their cars, and selling the rest (some parts I have had...). It was good taking the car apart. Being almost identical (except for the lack of roof) to my car (Ernie the Escort), it's allowed me to see what actually is involved with taking my car to bits. I'm always nervous about taking stuff apart, in case I can't get it back together again! But as this car was being taken apart for good, it didn't really matter.
Once the interior was out, taking other things out was easy. Well, I say easy, one of the previous owners had painted over bolts, and done other bizarre things. Then there was the constant bashing of my elbow on metal, and even worse, was when I nutted the bare handbrake level with my knee-cap. I went home feeling like I'd been involved in a bar brawl with a load of midgets...
I've been off of work all this week, as it's HALF TERM!!!! I love working in schools, and I love half term (especially as a TA). I know that my teaching colleagues have all been busy writing reports, and doing various bits of marking, and lesson planning, but as a Teaching Assistant, I've just relaxed. Although I do find the gross level of inactivity very frustrating.
In Thursday, I wondered over the University (in Chichester), and saw some lecturers. I also met up with my friend Holly (as she was down for a couple of days). I always enjoy seeing my friends from Uni - I do miss them, and I can't wait to catch up with them all in September. It's also great to catch up on all the gossip!
Thursday evening saw me meet up with some friends from even further back, from my dark and depressing days at college. An interesting night out, involving many unrepeatable conversations...
Having met so many of my friends, you have wonder if this is all building up to something. And yes. Rather cleverly, I manage to keep my birthday under wraps every year, and only those closest to me remember from year to year. Last year, I blurted it out whilst on a residential trip to Lanzarote, when an assessment date was announced (same as my birthday). What followed was the best birthday I have ever had, and I still want to thank all my friends that made that such a great day. This year, I'd kept it much better concealed, and I nearly got away with it.
I should explain, that whilst I do like receiving cards, and presents, on the whole I don't really enjoy my birthday. It just reminds me that I am another year older, and whilst I am doing lots and lots, I still don't really have much of a personal life. It just gets me down a bit.
Despite being my 21st birthday (which many people regard as a really important one, but I really don't care) I went to NTC as normal on Friday evening. A couple of cadets wished me happy birthday (some of whom may have seen on Bebo or FaceBook I guess). But some couldn't possible have known, and I was starting to wonder how the flippin' heck they knew. Well at Stand Easy (break), I found out. The boss announced to all the cadets (I though he was about to tell them off) that it was someone's birthday... The kids had all signed a card, the boss' wife (and my godmother) had made a cake, and they's all clubbed together to buy me a very bright pen (because I'm always complaining that my pens get nicked). Thanks very much guys - just wait until camp, I will get you back.
At the end of the evening, everyone took home a piece of birthday cake, and several parents asked about it. Many obviously thinking I was mad spening my birthday at NTC, and not getting rat-arsed at a club or pub. My colleagues from work thought exactly the same, when I met them in Worthing for a drink. One of them knew my birthday was somewhen in half-term, but didn't know it was that evening, and I owned up to it being my birthday.
Most people asked what I got for my birthday, and to be honest, I wasn't really after anything. My brother got me Life on Mars series 2, and everyone gave me money. When I went to the hole in the wall, it normally tells me how much I owe the bank. But apparently, I have some money at the moment. Added to my birthday money, I have decided to buy myself a birthday present - a second vehicle.
It's important to say that - I AM NOT GETTING RID OF ERNIE. He's still a classic, and bomb-proof car, and there's no way I'm selling him. But, with current petrol prices being near the moon, I can now afford to run a second vehicle again. And as I'm now 21, my license has also been upgraded - I can now drive any powered MOTORBIKE! I stopped riding my old Hongdou (dodgy Chinese copy of a Honda CG125) two years ago, when I could no longer afford to run both Harry the Hongdou, and Ernie the Escort. I needed my car more, so the bike had to go. But now I'm going to get a bike again. And this time, it will be a real Honda.
To find out what I'm going to get (or have got), you'll have to tune in next week.
Thaknks for all the birthday cards, presents, and FaceBook messages - they do make my birthday bareable.
If you now know the date of my birthday, why not leave a message with your address, so that I can get you brainwashed.
If you still don't know when my birthday is, why not leave a message, and keep it that way.
Quote of the Week: '21 again is it?' asked one of my cadet's parents, just before I sheepishly explained this was my first 21st birthday... Do I really look that old?
I know that you've all logged on to read about the very exciting antic that I've got up to this week, but to be honest, it's been a pretty uninteresting week. Having said that, I feel my perspective is ever so slightly biased by what happened on Friday...
On Tuesday, I accompanied by friend Michael to Brighton. Him and his cousin recently bought a Mk IV Escort (same as my car) Cabriolet (Ernie has a roof though...). They are taking it to bits, and are salvaging parts for their cars, and selling the rest (some parts I have had...). It was good taking the car apart. Being almost identical (except for the lack of roof) to my car (Ernie the Escort), it's allowed me to see what actually is involved with taking my car to bits. I'm always nervous about taking stuff apart, in case I can't get it back together again! But as this car was being taken apart for good, it didn't really matter.
Once the interior was out, taking other things out was easy. Well, I say easy, one of the previous owners had painted over bolts, and done other bizarre things. Then there was the constant bashing of my elbow on metal, and even worse, was when I nutted the bare handbrake level with my knee-cap. I went home feeling like I'd been involved in a bar brawl with a load of midgets...
I've been off of work all this week, as it's HALF TERM!!!! I love working in schools, and I love half term (especially as a TA). I know that my teaching colleagues have all been busy writing reports, and doing various bits of marking, and lesson planning, but as a Teaching Assistant, I've just relaxed. Although I do find the gross level of inactivity very frustrating.
In Thursday, I wondered over the University (in Chichester), and saw some lecturers. I also met up with my friend Holly (as she was down for a couple of days). I always enjoy seeing my friends from Uni - I do miss them, and I can't wait to catch up with them all in September. It's also great to catch up on all the gossip!
Thursday evening saw me meet up with some friends from even further back, from my dark and depressing days at college. An interesting night out, involving many unrepeatable conversations...
Having met so many of my friends, you have wonder if this is all building up to something. And yes. Rather cleverly, I manage to keep my birthday under wraps every year, and only those closest to me remember from year to year. Last year, I blurted it out whilst on a residential trip to Lanzarote, when an assessment date was announced (same as my birthday). What followed was the best birthday I have ever had, and I still want to thank all my friends that made that such a great day. This year, I'd kept it much better concealed, and I nearly got away with it.
I should explain, that whilst I do like receiving cards, and presents, on the whole I don't really enjoy my birthday. It just reminds me that I am another year older, and whilst I am doing lots and lots, I still don't really have much of a personal life. It just gets me down a bit.
Despite being my 21st birthday (which many people regard as a really important one, but I really don't care) I went to NTC as normal on Friday evening. A couple of cadets wished me happy birthday (some of whom may have seen on Bebo or FaceBook I guess). But some couldn't possible have known, and I was starting to wonder how the flippin' heck they knew. Well at Stand Easy (break), I found out. The boss announced to all the cadets (I though he was about to tell them off) that it was someone's birthday... The kids had all signed a card, the boss' wife (and my godmother) had made a cake, and they's all clubbed together to buy me a very bright pen (because I'm always complaining that my pens get nicked). Thanks very much guys - just wait until camp, I will get you back.
At the end of the evening, everyone took home a piece of birthday cake, and several parents asked about it. Many obviously thinking I was mad spening my birthday at NTC, and not getting rat-arsed at a club or pub. My colleagues from work thought exactly the same, when I met them in Worthing for a drink. One of them knew my birthday was somewhen in half-term, but didn't know it was that evening, and I owned up to it being my birthday.
Most people asked what I got for my birthday, and to be honest, I wasn't really after anything. My brother got me Life on Mars series 2, and everyone gave me money. When I went to the hole in the wall, it normally tells me how much I owe the bank. But apparently, I have some money at the moment. Added to my birthday money, I have decided to buy myself a birthday present - a second vehicle.
It's important to say that - I AM NOT GETTING RID OF ERNIE. He's still a classic, and bomb-proof car, and there's no way I'm selling him. But, with current petrol prices being near the moon, I can now afford to run a second vehicle again. And as I'm now 21, my license has also been upgraded - I can now drive any powered MOTORBIKE! I stopped riding my old Hongdou (dodgy Chinese copy of a Honda CG125) two years ago, when I could no longer afford to run both Harry the Hongdou, and Ernie the Escort. I needed my car more, so the bike had to go. But now I'm going to get a bike again. And this time, it will be a real Honda.
To find out what I'm going to get (or have got), you'll have to tune in next week.
Thaknks for all the birthday cards, presents, and FaceBook messages - they do make my birthday bareable.
If you now know the date of my birthday, why not leave a message with your address, so that I can get you brainwashed.
If you still don't know when my birthday is, why not leave a message, and keep it that way.
Quote of the Week: '21 again is it?' asked one of my cadet's parents, just before I sheepishly explained this was my first 21st birthday... Do I really look that old?
Friday, February 22, 2008
A Rather Special Day...
As many of you will know and some may not today is Andy's 21st Birthday!
So, I have barged my way in here to say
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDY!
Have a great day full of much alcahol and cake!
Commander Clarke, on the flying bridge of a Ford Escort...
Partario
So, I have barged my way in here to say
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDY!
Have a great day full of much alcahol and cake!
Commander Clarke, on the flying bridge of a Ford Escort...
Partario
Monday, February 18, 2008
How could I forget?
It was Sunday night last night, and I forgot. After a long after noon or paperwork, and an evening of shuffleboard in Chichester with TS Sturdy, I was just about ready to settle down to my book, and some sleep. Completely forgetting that I hadn't written anything for this week's blog! How could I...?
I have to start this week's blog with the events of Monday evening. After band practice, I was dropping one of our junior officers off home, with another of our officer who I was taking back to Littlehampton. When I stopped to kick Hannah out of the car, she pointed out her neighbour's skip, which had a wind surf board sitting on top of it.
I told her to grab one end of the board, whilst I grabbed the other. Then we dashed as quickly and as quietly as we could up the road (so the house owners wouldn't see us). I then ran back for my car, and drove up to the board. As quickly as I could, I started securing the board to my roofrack. Just as I was completing the last knot, a burley silhouette came from the house.
Being iun Lancing, and fearing the wosrt, I bundled Louise back into the car, said bye to Hannah, and jumped in to Ernie. I was just about to turn the ignition over when...
"Stop!" said Hannah.
"What?" I replied (a little nervously).
"The man says... do you want the poles?"
We couldn't believe it! We retrieved the poles from the older gentlemen's garage (not burley at all). I apologised for our subterfuge, and thanked him for his donation. So the NTC now has a windsurf board (no sails though...). Not that that matters though, we haven't a qualified windsurf instructor...
With that bit of excitement, everything else this week seems pretty mundane. Normal week in school. Although from Wednesday to Friday, we had 'Enable Me' in. They're a disabilty awareness group, and the kids really enjoyed the experience (lots of playing about in wheelchairs...). At the end of the week, I noticed a queue of kids waiting to get one of the guys autographs. Swasie I think his name is, had lost a leg, but that hadn't really stopped him. He and his wheelchair had got to some incredible places!
Saturday was the NTC's fun auction. Another cracking evening of entertainment. But I have to say, not only do we have a great group of kids at the moment, we also have some brilliant parents. In recent years, we've really been used like cheap child care on a Friday evening. But lots of our parents are really keen, and taking as interest. A huge thank you to all of our supporters - we really couldn't carry on without you.
So now it's Monday morning, and I imagine you're wondering why I'm not at work. Well boys and girls, two wonderful words - Half and Term. So all this week, I going to enjoy a week off work. Dad asked me this morning what my aims for the week are. I told him 'just to chill'. With the busy few weeks I've had, I don't feel in the least guilty.
Take care all.
If you're disgusted that this post was nearly forgotten, why not leave a comment telling us all of how often you write a blog.
If you're just pleased to have a post to read, why not leave a comment to encourage me for next week.
Quote of the Week: 'Do you want the poles?' said the man. It was hilarious.
I have to start this week's blog with the events of Monday evening. After band practice, I was dropping one of our junior officers off home, with another of our officer who I was taking back to Littlehampton. When I stopped to kick Hannah out of the car, she pointed out her neighbour's skip, which had a wind surf board sitting on top of it.
I told her to grab one end of the board, whilst I grabbed the other. Then we dashed as quickly and as quietly as we could up the road (so the house owners wouldn't see us). I then ran back for my car, and drove up to the board. As quickly as I could, I started securing the board to my roofrack. Just as I was completing the last knot, a burley silhouette came from the house.
Being iun Lancing, and fearing the wosrt, I bundled Louise back into the car, said bye to Hannah, and jumped in to Ernie. I was just about to turn the ignition over when...
"Stop!" said Hannah.
"What?" I replied (a little nervously).
"The man says... do you want the poles?"
We couldn't believe it! We retrieved the poles from the older gentlemen's garage (not burley at all). I apologised for our subterfuge, and thanked him for his donation. So the NTC now has a windsurf board (no sails though...). Not that that matters though, we haven't a qualified windsurf instructor...
With that bit of excitement, everything else this week seems pretty mundane. Normal week in school. Although from Wednesday to Friday, we had 'Enable Me' in. They're a disabilty awareness group, and the kids really enjoyed the experience (lots of playing about in wheelchairs...). At the end of the week, I noticed a queue of kids waiting to get one of the guys autographs. Swasie I think his name is, had lost a leg, but that hadn't really stopped him. He and his wheelchair had got to some incredible places!
Saturday was the NTC's fun auction. Another cracking evening of entertainment. But I have to say, not only do we have a great group of kids at the moment, we also have some brilliant parents. In recent years, we've really been used like cheap child care on a Friday evening. But lots of our parents are really keen, and taking as interest. A huge thank you to all of our supporters - we really couldn't carry on without you.
So now it's Monday morning, and I imagine you're wondering why I'm not at work. Well boys and girls, two wonderful words - Half and Term. So all this week, I going to enjoy a week off work. Dad asked me this morning what my aims for the week are. I told him 'just to chill'. With the busy few weeks I've had, I don't feel in the least guilty.
Take care all.
If you're disgusted that this post was nearly forgotten, why not leave a comment telling us all of how often you write a blog.
If you're just pleased to have a post to read, why not leave a comment to encourage me for next week.
Quote of the Week: 'Do you want the poles?' said the man. It was hilarious.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
The Forms, the Audi, and the Ofsted Inspector
Hello all. I should just explain that the title is a play on 'The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe', as our Year 4s have had an Opera company in all week, producing an operatic Narnia. And it was fantastic. Congratulations and Welld Done to classes 4IS and 4HS of Chesswood Middle School - you were all awesome!
Welcome to another award loosing post from CATCOUK.
So this week started off with some exceptional stresses. The school that I work in, and indeed the school that I really love to work in (yes that's right, I really enjoy my job) had it's Ofsted inspection. Now, I'm only a Teaching Asst. (and probably not a very good one at that either), so there was nothing I really had to do, other than turn up, and do my job well. But I also felt the need to support the teachers (and my friends) to best of my abilities.
Despite the fact that I had no direct stresses on me for the inspection, it's suprising just how easily I pick up on my friends stress. Two friends, Ian and Jez, are senior management members, and they had piles and piles of paperwork to do. I just felt so stressed for the ammount of workload those two had to put in.
Having said that, I did take it upon myself to make sure that some of the school's classroom displays were good. Ian wanted a 'Helping Hand' board, and I started helping with that. Once the design work was done on that, Ian's TA Nicky finished the job off. Whilst she was doing that, I was in year 7, putting up two displays. A quick reminder to myself, and anyone else that is ever going to have to make a display - don't use clouds! They take friggin' forever to cut up!
On the day of the inspection itself, I had to miss one lesson. Due to other TAs moving around, if I had attended my lesson as usual, there would have been too many TAs in the class. As lesson observations were going on, I decided the best place for me to hide out was the staffroom. I very much doubted the inspector would look in there (and she didn't).
But, throughout the whole day, I wasn't observed once, and niether were any of the classes where I had put up a display. So I didn't really contribute at all to the result. And how did we do? Unfortunatly I can't say until the official report is published. All I can say is this. The grin on Dennis' face (our deputy head teacher) went from ear to ear...
After Ofsted, I was knackered. I think Siobhan text me, and I was due to go to Sturdy's band. I think I just fell into bed. I then got back out of bed, and carried on doing what I've been doing all week. With my recent promotion to the NTC's Adventure Activities Director, I have been trawling through the Corps' safety paperwork, and trying to get rid of some, simplify others, and just give a general look of uniformity.
I'm in two minds as to my success. On the one hand, I know that on a day to day operational level, I have reduced the ammount of paperwork that we have to do. On the other hand, I have created loads of forms, but these are just to standardise existing ones. And to be fair, there are some new ones for best practice and legislative reasons. Will every other volunteer adult in the Corps hate me after the National Council (like the NTCs government) aprove the changes? Well most people dislike me anyway, so what's the difference... lol
Once again, the local church youth group was running a charity car wash. I've no idea what they were fundraising for, but the cheap child labour costs, and the chance of getting Ernie cleaned were all I needed to hear. And they did a pretty good job too. Unfortunatly, Ernie let me down a little. It took two attempts to start after being washed. And when he was finally running, a huge cloud of oily smoke came out the back, for all onlookers (mainly from the church) to breath in. Who said anything about emmisions testing...?
Talking of classic cars, I could not write a post this week, and not spend a paragraph raving about the 'Ashes to Ashes', the spin off series of the amazing 'Life On Mars'. Gene Hunt is back, and back with a vengance. A flame red Audi Quattro ('Let's fire up the Quattro!'), the 1980s, a very attractive lady, and a speed boat. I have no words to describe what a great program it was. It comes highly recommended from me. And if you want a quote, try this - 'Unecessarily cool!' If you were such a muppet that you didn't know it was back on, or you just didn't see it, don't worry. It's on BBC iPlayer.
Lastly, I spent some time this weekend actually doing that other NTC job that I have. That's right, I actually did some paperwork for good old TS Intrepid NTC. Although I still haven't publicised the charity auction next week enough. If you would like to come and support us on Saturday night, for an evening on fun, come along next Saturday (16th February) to our HQ. Entrance is free, just donate something for us to sell. It's a brilliant evening, especially if we can get my mate Kevin along. He'll normally buy all the rubbish no-one else wants.
If you thought this was a short post, why not leave a comment to read and make it longer.
If you thought this post was just right, why not leave a comment telling me so.
Quote of the Week: 'If you place your bets correctly [in roulette], you nearly always win!' said my less than intelligent sibling, Ian, after a fake gambling night, as if he had just found the key to winning bets. Well actually, if you place your bets right, you should win all the time. But then isn't that the point of gambling? Thicko.
Which brings me to my joke of the week: 'I lost my girlfriend through gambling. Do you know how I can win her back?' (Somewhen on the Chris Moyles show this week)
Welcome to another award loosing post from CATCOUK.
So this week started off with some exceptional stresses. The school that I work in, and indeed the school that I really love to work in (yes that's right, I really enjoy my job) had it's Ofsted inspection. Now, I'm only a Teaching Asst. (and probably not a very good one at that either), so there was nothing I really had to do, other than turn up, and do my job well. But I also felt the need to support the teachers (and my friends) to best of my abilities.
Despite the fact that I had no direct stresses on me for the inspection, it's suprising just how easily I pick up on my friends stress. Two friends, Ian and Jez, are senior management members, and they had piles and piles of paperwork to do. I just felt so stressed for the ammount of workload those two had to put in.
Having said that, I did take it upon myself to make sure that some of the school's classroom displays were good. Ian wanted a 'Helping Hand' board, and I started helping with that. Once the design work was done on that, Ian's TA Nicky finished the job off. Whilst she was doing that, I was in year 7, putting up two displays. A quick reminder to myself, and anyone else that is ever going to have to make a display - don't use clouds! They take friggin' forever to cut up!
On the day of the inspection itself, I had to miss one lesson. Due to other TAs moving around, if I had attended my lesson as usual, there would have been too many TAs in the class. As lesson observations were going on, I decided the best place for me to hide out was the staffroom. I very much doubted the inspector would look in there (and she didn't).
But, throughout the whole day, I wasn't observed once, and niether were any of the classes where I had put up a display. So I didn't really contribute at all to the result. And how did we do? Unfortunatly I can't say until the official report is published. All I can say is this. The grin on Dennis' face (our deputy head teacher) went from ear to ear...
After Ofsted, I was knackered. I think Siobhan text me, and I was due to go to Sturdy's band. I think I just fell into bed. I then got back out of bed, and carried on doing what I've been doing all week. With my recent promotion to the NTC's Adventure Activities Director, I have been trawling through the Corps' safety paperwork, and trying to get rid of some, simplify others, and just give a general look of uniformity.
I'm in two minds as to my success. On the one hand, I know that on a day to day operational level, I have reduced the ammount of paperwork that we have to do. On the other hand, I have created loads of forms, but these are just to standardise existing ones. And to be fair, there are some new ones for best practice and legislative reasons. Will every other volunteer adult in the Corps hate me after the National Council (like the NTCs government) aprove the changes? Well most people dislike me anyway, so what's the difference... lol
Once again, the local church youth group was running a charity car wash. I've no idea what they were fundraising for, but the cheap child labour costs, and the chance of getting Ernie cleaned were all I needed to hear. And they did a pretty good job too. Unfortunatly, Ernie let me down a little. It took two attempts to start after being washed. And when he was finally running, a huge cloud of oily smoke came out the back, for all onlookers (mainly from the church) to breath in. Who said anything about emmisions testing...?
Talking of classic cars, I could not write a post this week, and not spend a paragraph raving about the 'Ashes to Ashes', the spin off series of the amazing 'Life On Mars'. Gene Hunt is back, and back with a vengance. A flame red Audi Quattro ('Let's fire up the Quattro!'), the 1980s, a very attractive lady, and a speed boat. I have no words to describe what a great program it was. It comes highly recommended from me. And if you want a quote, try this - 'Unecessarily cool!' If you were such a muppet that you didn't know it was back on, or you just didn't see it, don't worry. It's on BBC iPlayer.
Lastly, I spent some time this weekend actually doing that other NTC job that I have. That's right, I actually did some paperwork for good old TS Intrepid NTC. Although I still haven't publicised the charity auction next week enough. If you would like to come and support us on Saturday night, for an evening on fun, come along next Saturday (16th February) to our HQ. Entrance is free, just donate something for us to sell. It's a brilliant evening, especially if we can get my mate Kevin along. He'll normally buy all the rubbish no-one else wants.
If you thought this was a short post, why not leave a comment to read and make it longer.
If you thought this post was just right, why not leave a comment telling me so.
Quote of the Week: 'If you place your bets correctly [in roulette], you nearly always win!' said my less than intelligent sibling, Ian, after a fake gambling night, as if he had just found the key to winning bets. Well actually, if you place your bets right, you should win all the time. But then isn't that the point of gambling? Thicko.
Which brings me to my joke of the week: 'I lost my girlfriend through gambling. Do you know how I can win her back?' (Somewhen on the Chris Moyles show this week)
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Why do I keep doing this anyway?
First and foremostly, if anyone can tell me why I do this every week, I'd appreciate you telling me. We've arrived at another Sunday evening (for me), but more than likely a weekday morning/evening for you, and once again, I'm wondering why on Earth I'm writing this dribble. Mind you, I suppose you guys are wondering why you are reading this dribble. Thanks for comments all.
The reason I feel that I have to ask this, is that I have another job to keep me busy. Last week, I was officially approached by the Chief of Staff of the Nautical Training Corps, to accept a National position. After discussions with colleagues that I've seen, I have decided to accept the 'promotion'. I am now Commander Andy Clarke NTC, Chief Staff Officer, Adventure Activities Director (AAD). Well, as good as. The Chief of Staff has appoiunted me, but I believe National Council need to approve it.
So, with this new position, my current position of Activities Officer of TS Intrepid, a national webmaster, my job, and university, I'm pretty bloomin' busy. So why oh why, am I still writing this? I think I need professional help...
This was a good week at Chesswood (to start with). Tuesday was a school trip to Hertsmonceux (a Science centre and observatory in East Sussex). The place was brilliant. Loads of hands on science stuff for the kids to do (and the adults too...). Even the journey was okay. They have built a nw flyover at Bedingham. For those that aren't local, or don't travel further East than Lewis, this is a major traffic spot, because of the railway. But they now have a bridge. What once took hours to get through, took a matter of maybe 2 minutes. Amazing!
Wednesday was also a good day. As I may have mentioned (although I can't really remember), Year 7 are currently studying Sex Education (handy for me also I suppose). Wednesday, the boys went into a classroom for an all male talk (what we dub the 'willy washing talk'), whilst all the girls went for an all female talk. As one of the Year 7 men, I went to crowd control the boys. For years, this session has been run by Dennis, our deputy Head, but next year, the Year 7 leader, and my friend, Jez, will need to give the talk. Which is an issue.
Any talk of genitals makes Jez feel queezy, and can make him gag. So as you can imagine, this talk isn't a great subject for him. To be honest, I only went into the class to watch Jez gag... Amazingly, I think he only gagged once, and handled the whole topic well. The next day, I did say that I was impressed. He replied, don't look up Smegma on Wikipedia. It will make you gag. Especially don't read it, whilst eating your shredded wheat!
On Thursday, this brilliant week hit a brick wall. I spent all morning looking fir Frisbees, in the persisting rain. I retuurned at Lunch time, with no frisbees, and very soggy. Quite peeved, I grumpily warmed my lunch, and sat down moodily. Once I sat down, a normally quite 'easy-going' teacher rushed up to me, and said that we needed to get our heads together before her lesson on Tueday. I said okay, what did she have planned. She didn't know yet. Naturally I was quite confused why we'd need to chat urgently before hand, if there was nothing special on...
Little did we know, but earlier that morning, we recieved a phone call. 'Hello, Ofsted here. We'll see you Tuesday morning...'. We now get two working days notice before a 1 or 2 long inspection (we're only getting one day). The staff were told at Lunch time (before I returned to school). So I didn't know. Of course, the above conversation kind of makes sense now...
Funniest of all though, is our Head Teacher was out at a conference at the Grand Hotel in Brighton (Head Teacher's thing). Because he was in conference, Dennis (deputy) couldn't contact him until lunch. We had to do some paperwork by the end of the day, so David (Head) rushed back from Brighton. I'm sure he must have got a Police escort... He burst into the staff room, grabbing some stuff, saying that he was quite miffed. He left just as they were about to serve lunch at The Grand. Ha ha... (I may not have a job after he reads this...). Sorry David, it's not funny really...
So, with all the stress, it's amazing that any of us are still going. Keep sane everyone.
(By the way, I have text you Si, on both numbers that I have for you. Have you changed your number, or do I merit a reply?)
If you don't have time, why not leave a comment (after all, I didn't have time to write this).
If you do have time, why not leave a comment (saying where you got the time from).
Quote of the Week: 'When Linda leaves, she's getting a Grand Father Clock!' I explained to Gill who has left Adult Ed, that we give out bigger clocks for longer service.
Tune of the Month: (still no radio in the car, but I do have Listen Again/ On Demand from the BBC) Teenagers. My Chemical Romance.
The reason I feel that I have to ask this, is that I have another job to keep me busy. Last week, I was officially approached by the Chief of Staff of the Nautical Training Corps, to accept a National position. After discussions with colleagues that I've seen, I have decided to accept the 'promotion'. I am now Commander Andy Clarke NTC, Chief Staff Officer, Adventure Activities Director (AAD). Well, as good as. The Chief of Staff has appoiunted me, but I believe National Council need to approve it.
So, with this new position, my current position of Activities Officer of TS Intrepid, a national webmaster, my job, and university, I'm pretty bloomin' busy. So why oh why, am I still writing this? I think I need professional help...
This was a good week at Chesswood (to start with). Tuesday was a school trip to Hertsmonceux (a Science centre and observatory in East Sussex). The place was brilliant. Loads of hands on science stuff for the kids to do (and the adults too...). Even the journey was okay. They have built a nw flyover at Bedingham. For those that aren't local, or don't travel further East than Lewis, this is a major traffic spot, because of the railway. But they now have a bridge. What once took hours to get through, took a matter of maybe 2 minutes. Amazing!
Wednesday was also a good day. As I may have mentioned (although I can't really remember), Year 7 are currently studying Sex Education (handy for me also I suppose). Wednesday, the boys went into a classroom for an all male talk (what we dub the 'willy washing talk'), whilst all the girls went for an all female talk. As one of the Year 7 men, I went to crowd control the boys. For years, this session has been run by Dennis, our deputy Head, but next year, the Year 7 leader, and my friend, Jez, will need to give the talk. Which is an issue.
Any talk of genitals makes Jez feel queezy, and can make him gag. So as you can imagine, this talk isn't a great subject for him. To be honest, I only went into the class to watch Jez gag... Amazingly, I think he only gagged once, and handled the whole topic well. The next day, I did say that I was impressed. He replied, don't look up Smegma on Wikipedia. It will make you gag. Especially don't read it, whilst eating your shredded wheat!
On Thursday, this brilliant week hit a brick wall. I spent all morning looking fir Frisbees, in the persisting rain. I retuurned at Lunch time, with no frisbees, and very soggy. Quite peeved, I grumpily warmed my lunch, and sat down moodily. Once I sat down, a normally quite 'easy-going' teacher rushed up to me, and said that we needed to get our heads together before her lesson on Tueday. I said okay, what did she have planned. She didn't know yet. Naturally I was quite confused why we'd need to chat urgently before hand, if there was nothing special on...
Little did we know, but earlier that morning, we recieved a phone call. 'Hello, Ofsted here. We'll see you Tuesday morning...'. We now get two working days notice before a 1 or 2 long inspection (we're only getting one day). The staff were told at Lunch time (before I returned to school). So I didn't know. Of course, the above conversation kind of makes sense now...
Funniest of all though, is our Head Teacher was out at a conference at the Grand Hotel in Brighton (Head Teacher's thing). Because he was in conference, Dennis (deputy) couldn't contact him until lunch. We had to do some paperwork by the end of the day, so David (Head) rushed back from Brighton. I'm sure he must have got a Police escort... He burst into the staff room, grabbing some stuff, saying that he was quite miffed. He left just as they were about to serve lunch at The Grand. Ha ha... (I may not have a job after he reads this...). Sorry David, it's not funny really...
So, with all the stress, it's amazing that any of us are still going. Keep sane everyone.
(By the way, I have text you Si, on both numbers that I have for you. Have you changed your number, or do I merit a reply?)
If you don't have time, why not leave a comment (after all, I didn't have time to write this).
If you do have time, why not leave a comment (saying where you got the time from).
Quote of the Week: 'When Linda leaves, she's getting a Grand Father Clock!' I explained to Gill who has left Adult Ed, that we give out bigger clocks for longer service.
Tune of the Month: (still no radio in the car, but I do have Listen Again/ On Demand from the BBC) Teenagers. My Chemical Romance.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Why couldn't this week have finished on Thursday afternoon?
Hello all. Time for another delve in to the depths of life being Andy Clarke. This week has been a bit dull. So you'll have to excuse some drastic straw clutching, but bare with me.
Now that I'm back into the swing of things, life has calmed down a little, and I'm back on top. In fact, I arrived home on Thursday with a huge smile on my face. Mind you, it had been an excellent day. I started the day, by spending £830 of TS Intrepid's money on some brand new archery equipment. I then progressed onto nearly getting a Rifle Shooting instructor's course organised, and topped my working day off with another sucessfully blagged Frisbee club. Don't get me wrong, I don't just turn up and make the club up as I go along. But when you have no Frisbees, playing Ultimate Frisbee can be difficult. Taking my inspiration from year's of Mr. Paul Tyler blags, I invented Ulitmate Fr-Netball!
If Thursday had finished there, it would have been a perfect day. But this being a blog, means I can travel back in time, and talk about other boring, completely pointless stuff I've done. Take Tuesday for example. I stepped out of a classroom, to see a child about to try and kill another. Now I know from my training at school, that the best thing to do is put my hands in my pockets, and resist physical contact with children at all costs. Besides which, our Special Needs Coordinator was there. But when she couldn't hold this very angry 9 year old (and boy was he powerful for a 9 year old), I had to step in and restrain him.
This boy did have a sucess later in the week. In a situation, where I would have bet all the money in the world he would have got into the fight, he stepped back. Picked up a phone, and called a member of staff to report the fight. When later asked why he had acted so responsibly, he had said that he had watched a documentary on a man that couldn't control his anger, and killed someone. This boy didn't want to end up like that. Who said TV was bad for kids?
On Wednesday evening, I had to take one of my senior cadets to one of our sister ships, TS Sturdy, for her officer training. On the way there, Michael phoned me. Obviously, as I was drving, I couldn't answer. Fortunatly Gobby (or Crusher, depending on what you want to call her) picked up. And then poor old Michael had to endure 20 minutes of phone conversation with her! In fact, she hads him trapped on the phone all the way from Angmering to Chichester (about 18 miles!). Poor Michael. I hear he is recovering well with the aid of counselling...
On Monday, I got some laughs in a staff meeting. You know me, I'm always desperate for social acceptance, and a bit of attention. In Any Other Business, I raised the issue of missing Frisbees. I said, 'trying to run Frisbee club with out any Frisbees was a real pain in the arse'. Laugh No. 1. The Head Teacher ('the boss') then asked, in fake stun, 'Sorry, pain in the what?'. I replied with my standard 'Oh, don't worry. It's the plural of the letter R!' Laugh No. 2! Ha Ha. Social acceptance at last. Soon I will be able to think that someone likes me. Yay self-esteem...
But as I said earlier, all this merriment could not last. Alas, Thursdays also have evenings, and I went to a meeting. Earlier in the day, some of my Frisbee club members had asked if it was a meeting on how to buy frisbees, or maybe how to look after them, or keep them in a safe place so you don't loose them (cheeky sods...). None of the above, I'm afraid. It was instead, another thrilling National Council meeting.
I've attended NC meetings before, and actually been quite impressed by what goes on. I had heard horror stories. Those stories were realised at this meeting, as a Regional Commander I had not met before bothered to turn up. It's amazing how this one person can turn what can be quite a productive meeting into a menagerie (just imagine animals shouting at the zoo...). He laid into me over National Website and E-mail issues, as well as my Commanding Officer (who I'll support to the edges of the Earth, even if I do have to remind him where they are...) over other issues. What an arrogant, pompus, stuck up, ludite. Did I mention arrogant?
Also on this evening, my afore mention Commanding Officer called me to say that he hadn't been able to put out the Consent Forms that I had asked for. I did my best to get them out, but hey-ho. Just another little stress in my life.
Now I have spent all of this weekend getting the new Corps website ready for release, as well as phoning every CO in the Corps about an American Exchange opportunity, that the NTC nearly cocked up. Still, never mind. Who want's a life anyway?
Tune in next week, to hear some very exciting, non-blog related news. What is it? Well, a blog is a short for Web Log... Oh, I see what that question meant. You'll just have to tune in, and find out next week!
If you couldn't be bothered to read what's written above, it's highly unlikely you're reading this. But if you are, why not leave a comment.
If you did read the above, why not try leaving a comment, like a single solitary human being managed last week!
Quote of the Week: 'And I want you two to write lines, and fill this page. You will write 'I will not draw penises on my arms during class'. Is that understood' said a very aggrevated teacher to two students who had walked into assembly wearing short sleeves, revealing giant penis drawings in their forearms, whilst said teacher and I struggled not to laugh.
Now that I'm back into the swing of things, life has calmed down a little, and I'm back on top. In fact, I arrived home on Thursday with a huge smile on my face. Mind you, it had been an excellent day. I started the day, by spending £830 of TS Intrepid's money on some brand new archery equipment. I then progressed onto nearly getting a Rifle Shooting instructor's course organised, and topped my working day off with another sucessfully blagged Frisbee club. Don't get me wrong, I don't just turn up and make the club up as I go along. But when you have no Frisbees, playing Ultimate Frisbee can be difficult. Taking my inspiration from year's of Mr. Paul Tyler blags, I invented Ulitmate Fr-Netball!
If Thursday had finished there, it would have been a perfect day. But this being a blog, means I can travel back in time, and talk about other boring, completely pointless stuff I've done. Take Tuesday for example. I stepped out of a classroom, to see a child about to try and kill another. Now I know from my training at school, that the best thing to do is put my hands in my pockets, and resist physical contact with children at all costs. Besides which, our Special Needs Coordinator was there. But when she couldn't hold this very angry 9 year old (and boy was he powerful for a 9 year old), I had to step in and restrain him.
This boy did have a sucess later in the week. In a situation, where I would have bet all the money in the world he would have got into the fight, he stepped back. Picked up a phone, and called a member of staff to report the fight. When later asked why he had acted so responsibly, he had said that he had watched a documentary on a man that couldn't control his anger, and killed someone. This boy didn't want to end up like that. Who said TV was bad for kids?
On Wednesday evening, I had to take one of my senior cadets to one of our sister ships, TS Sturdy, for her officer training. On the way there, Michael phoned me. Obviously, as I was drving, I couldn't answer. Fortunatly Gobby (or Crusher, depending on what you want to call her) picked up. And then poor old Michael had to endure 20 minutes of phone conversation with her! In fact, she hads him trapped on the phone all the way from Angmering to Chichester (about 18 miles!). Poor Michael. I hear he is recovering well with the aid of counselling...
On Monday, I got some laughs in a staff meeting. You know me, I'm always desperate for social acceptance, and a bit of attention. In Any Other Business, I raised the issue of missing Frisbees. I said, 'trying to run Frisbee club with out any Frisbees was a real pain in the arse'. Laugh No. 1. The Head Teacher ('the boss') then asked, in fake stun, 'Sorry, pain in the what?'. I replied with my standard 'Oh, don't worry. It's the plural of the letter R!' Laugh No. 2! Ha Ha. Social acceptance at last. Soon I will be able to think that someone likes me. Yay self-esteem...
But as I said earlier, all this merriment could not last. Alas, Thursdays also have evenings, and I went to a meeting. Earlier in the day, some of my Frisbee club members had asked if it was a meeting on how to buy frisbees, or maybe how to look after them, or keep them in a safe place so you don't loose them (cheeky sods...). None of the above, I'm afraid. It was instead, another thrilling National Council meeting.
I've attended NC meetings before, and actually been quite impressed by what goes on. I had heard horror stories. Those stories were realised at this meeting, as a Regional Commander I had not met before bothered to turn up. It's amazing how this one person can turn what can be quite a productive meeting into a menagerie (just imagine animals shouting at the zoo...). He laid into me over National Website and E-mail issues, as well as my Commanding Officer (who I'll support to the edges of the Earth, even if I do have to remind him where they are...) over other issues. What an arrogant, pompus, stuck up, ludite. Did I mention arrogant?
Also on this evening, my afore mention Commanding Officer called me to say that he hadn't been able to put out the Consent Forms that I had asked for. I did my best to get them out, but hey-ho. Just another little stress in my life.
Now I have spent all of this weekend getting the new Corps website ready for release, as well as phoning every CO in the Corps about an American Exchange opportunity, that the NTC nearly cocked up. Still, never mind. Who want's a life anyway?
Tune in next week, to hear some very exciting, non-blog related news. What is it? Well, a blog is a short for Web Log... Oh, I see what that question meant. You'll just have to tune in, and find out next week!
If you couldn't be bothered to read what's written above, it's highly unlikely you're reading this. But if you are, why not leave a comment.
If you did read the above, why not try leaving a comment, like a single solitary human being managed last week!
Quote of the Week: 'And I want you two to write lines, and fill this page. You will write 'I will not draw penises on my arms during class'. Is that understood' said a very aggrevated teacher to two students who had walked into assembly wearing short sleeves, revealing giant penis drawings in their forearms, whilst said teacher and I struggled not to laugh.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
What? A post that's on time?
Good morning/ afternoon/ evening (please delete as appropriate) all. I know how shocked you all must be, but here is a CATCOUK post on time!
Everything really has all launched at the same time this year. In previous years, I've been eased back in slowly, with NTC starting a week in, other stuff starting a week later, and university in February. But this year, everything has hit me at the same time! NTC, School (work), Adult Education work... it all adds up. I didn't know where I was last week.
This week, I had a whole evening off! Monday night was our first band night of the year. I was actually quite impressed. Not many people had practiced since our last band night a month ago (since we take the instruments in over Christmas, which makes practicing difficult). Despite this, the band (now 21 big, with a few people missing) still held a tune reasonably well.
Tuesday night was Sturdy Band. I don't have to tow their trailer home any more, as Mark now finishes his taxi job slightly ealier so he can do it. That was handy this week, as it meant I could write some lesson plans (and make handouts). I really am a thoroughly exciting person, and I'm not even a teacher yet! Imagine how dull I'll be then...
On Wednesday I assisted my Year 7 colleagues with a pre-visit to Lodge Hill camp. For the past few years, I have always felt that Year 7 could do with a residential trip, and last year Jez had told me he was toying with the idea of holding a camp. Well, as he is the Year 7 leader this year, it's actually happenning. As I was walking around (and being quite impressed by the activities), I began to think that I didn't want to go to America. I can't attend the Year 6 residential (Broadstone Warren) again, and I'm going to miss this fantastic camp. Then I came back to my sesnses.
On the evening, I had to go back to TS Sturdy, so that on of my junior officers could do some of her Petty Officer's training. They were doing circuit training. Whew - I tell you, just watching them all running around made me feel dizzy and out of breath. It was a good job they had some sweets their for me to eat...
Thursday, I had an evening off. So I went out a bourght a book case for my room (well really a load of shelves in a moveable case so that I haven't got to nail anything to the walls). I don't really have any tools, so I had to go out and buy some. So, armed with a £7.99 tool set from Sainsbury's, I set to work assembling my first piece of flat pack furniture.
Now I am sure that we are all aware of the stigma surrounding flat pack furniture, but in rather a Top Gear fashion - How hard could it be? I opened the box, and found the instructions. 'Won't be needing those' I cheered, and tossed them aside. I quickly identified the pieces, and layed them out. And after 10 short minutes of not really seeing what part goes which way up, I retreated to the instructions. These were completely undesipherable, but I struggled on.
Book 'im Danno - well you try and think of a book case pun!I may have cut a few corners, and I have quite a few parts left over, but it's up. And it pretty good time. Because just 2 short hours after starting, I had something definatly recogniseable as a bookcase!
Friday evening saw the first rifle shooting at NTC this year. But no shooting for me. I had toys to play with. About a year ago, we got funding for loads of new outdoor goodies. Some new super-light weight tents, and a box trailer. But most excitingly, a fleet of 6 identical Tek Sport Kayaks. I was like a kid in a sweet shop. I can't wait for our store to be repaired so I can fit them all in!
My last trip into doing anything interesting, was yet another DIY adventure. I'm afraid I have spent the rest of this weekend doing exciting risk assesment paperwork for NTC. And I wonder why I don't have a girlfriend...
As you may have noticed in the photo above, two of the shelves are seperated quite far apart, with an extra white shelf in the middle. This was deliberate so I could put in the affore mentioned white shelf for my videos. Firstly I measured the space, and then found an appropriate bit of wood. Sawed off the redundant length, screwed in some screws to hold the shelf up, and then placed in the new shelf. And it fitted like a glove. On a small animal. The screws weren't level, so the shelf wobbled, and the there was some considerable distance between the end of the shelf, and the start of the bookcase. Apparently you can't saw back on a length of wood, so I haven't (see picture). But the misaligned screws I could answer.
Not a clear picture - which is probably a good thing, as you can't see what a bad fit that is... Now, not many people know this, but they do make a tool for making minor adjustments to screw alignments. And I think I may have slightly disgruntled my brother (who was sleeping in the afternoon ready for work in the evening). As I was making some minor, highly accurate adjustments, using my minor adjustment tool (Jeremy Clarkson called it a Ham-Mer?), this grumpy teenage voice groaned 'Shut Up!'
My handiworking skills aren't brilliant. Well, they don't call me John Wayne for nothing...
Well, that's it for this week. I think this was almost a whole post as well. If I keep this up, people might start accusing this of being a blog.
If you think my DIY skills are more DI-WHY? skills, why not leave a comment on how rubbish my bookcase is.
If you have equally brilliant DIY skills, why not leave a comment on what a great effort I made on my bookcase.
Quote of the Week: 'Oh, you mean Andy!' exclaimed Dave at my Garage, as a friend of mine inquired about booking his XR3 in, and mentioned that he had a friend with a Mark IV Escort Estate...
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
10 Reasons not to by a GPS
Firstly, here are some reasons not to buy a GPS system for your car. Ever.
1. It takes time to set up.
2. The suction thing will be forever falling off the windscreen (which could become boring).
3. To get the suction thing to work properly, you have to be sitting in the passenger seat, with your seatbelt off, and proped up against the windscreen (which, and I'm not certain about this, is slightly illegal whilst the car is moving, not to mention inconvenient).
4. The damned thing will be constantly interrupting you, regardless of whether you are having a conversation or not.
5. The system's voice isn't exactly subtle, or quiet.
6. It get's confused, which causes the driver to be confused, which confuses other road users. Confused? The GPS certainly is.
7. It takes up valuable dashboard space that is much better used for a police light.
8. When you buy one, it's a statement to the world that you don't know how to use a map, what one looks like, or even what one is. This isn't a problem if you are a female.
9. On average, they can cost 20 times more than a map.
10. It's much easier to grow some testicles and use a friggin' map!
Ahh, and relax. I suppose that I should explain where that rant comes from, but first...
I am a qualified Archery Instructor. That's right boys and girls, the little boys and girl chavs of Lancing will soon be able to start harrasing with another weapon... I really did enjoy the course, and the instructor was great. But you may remember that last week I felt that one guy on the course was a bit off. I never have to see this arrogant git again, so I don't care if he reads this or not. No one I spoke to like him, and he really was a pain in the arse. Thank God I was paired with him for assesment. But then again, he is a Scout. Shame really, because the other Scout on the course, Andy, was a really great chap.
After the assesment, I helped a friend out. I kind of have to be careful what I say here, because you never know who reads this. Which is kind of a pain, as the whole of this post is based on that, and I have just thought that I might get my friend into trouble with his Mum. Balls.
And on that bombshell, and a post that really wasn't worth waiting for, I'm going to curl up under a rock and commit suicide, for such a poor post. Partario - what do you think, can I disclose safely?
If you want to register a complaint, why not leave a comment, where I really won't give a flying monkey.
If you don't want to register a complaint, you obviously didn't read this poor post properly. LOOK AT IT, it's barely 3 words! Just stop wasting all our time Andy. Do it properly or not at all!
Quote of the Week: 'Your cock's wrong' said an archery instructor last year, trying to point out to a man built like a brick sh*t house that his arrows was on the wrong way 'round, thus his cock fletch was the wrong way on the bow. Ammusing out of context...
Song of the Month: Anything by Anyone. God I wish my car radio was working. Although when I say anyone, not James Blunt. Or Cliff Richard. Or that guy with elbow pads and a Land Rover...
1. It takes time to set up.
2. The suction thing will be forever falling off the windscreen (which could become boring).
3. To get the suction thing to work properly, you have to be sitting in the passenger seat, with your seatbelt off, and proped up against the windscreen (which, and I'm not certain about this, is slightly illegal whilst the car is moving, not to mention inconvenient).
4. The damned thing will be constantly interrupting you, regardless of whether you are having a conversation or not.
5. The system's voice isn't exactly subtle, or quiet.
6. It get's confused, which causes the driver to be confused, which confuses other road users. Confused? The GPS certainly is.
7. It takes up valuable dashboard space that is much better used for a police light.
8. When you buy one, it's a statement to the world that you don't know how to use a map, what one looks like, or even what one is. This isn't a problem if you are a female.
9. On average, they can cost 20 times more than a map.
10. It's much easier to grow some testicles and use a friggin' map!
Ahh, and relax. I suppose that I should explain where that rant comes from, but first...
I am a qualified Archery Instructor. That's right boys and girls, the little boys and girl chavs of Lancing will soon be able to start harrasing with another weapon... I really did enjoy the course, and the instructor was great. But you may remember that last week I felt that one guy on the course was a bit off. I never have to see this arrogant git again, so I don't care if he reads this or not. No one I spoke to like him, and he really was a pain in the arse. Thank God I was paired with him for assesment. But then again, he is a Scout. Shame really, because the other Scout on the course, Andy, was a really great chap.
After the assesment, I helped a friend out. I kind of have to be careful what I say here, because you never know who reads this. Which is kind of a pain, as the whole of this post is based on that, and I have just thought that I might get my friend into trouble with his Mum. Balls.
And on that bombshell, and a post that really wasn't worth waiting for, I'm going to curl up under a rock and commit suicide, for such a poor post. Partario - what do you think, can I disclose safely?
If you want to register a complaint, why not leave a comment, where I really won't give a flying monkey.
If you don't want to register a complaint, you obviously didn't read this poor post properly. LOOK AT IT, it's barely 3 words! Just stop wasting all our time Andy. Do it properly or not at all!
Quote of the Week: 'Your cock's wrong' said an archery instructor last year, trying to point out to a man built like a brick sh*t house that his arrows was on the wrong way 'round, thus his cock fletch was the wrong way on the bow. Ammusing out of context...
Song of the Month: Anything by Anyone. God I wish my car radio was working. Although when I say anyone, not James Blunt. Or Cliff Richard. Or that guy with elbow pads and a Land Rover...
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