Hey everyone, it's a PLOG!

Hello all. That's right, we have another CATCOUK original this week. In an attempt to ever stretch the bounds of what is possible with a blog, this week's post is a PLOG! For the uninformed, blog is short for Web Log, and so a plog is short for Picture Log! Yay! You saw it here first. Basically, if I haven't got a photo of it, I'm not mentioning it. So I won't be talking about Siobhan's camouflaged doorbell, you won't hear me speak of a car review of Louise's Skoda (exceptionally heavy clutch - maybe out of a lorry?), and you certainly can't hear about in this week's Year 4 meeting...

We start this week's plog, with pretty much the first thing that I did on Monday morning. Well at work anyway. The school where I work is about to change it's database software, and so they were carrying out a quick check of all our details. First of all, it was bizarre how much they knew about me, that I don't remember telling them. But what they didn't seem to know, was that my car is very old. According to their records, my registration plate begins with an X (meaning that it is just a spritely 7 years old from 2000). Of course, regular readers know that I actually drive a classic 1986 C Reg Ford Escort Estate 1.4 GL in Champagne Gold (they had the colour wrong too...). I must say it was nice though. The reg almost matched my car's exceptionally low mileage of only 1500...

Now, to try and catch the random ramblings of my dull head, I was forced to take some cadid camera shots. After all, it does make you sound a little weird constantly asking 'Excuse me old chap, would you mind awefully if I took your photo?'. So this is our first candid photo. Let me explain the background: it is Tuesday, and in Year 4 it is Saxon Day. All that are working in year 4 (and all the kids) have come dressed as Saxon people. Fortunatly I don't work Year 4 on Tuesday, but my younger colleague and friend (maybe not after this photo) does work in Year 4. Look at the photo again, and judge how much effort Joe managed to make on his Anglo Saxon constume. That's right, he came as the little known Saxon Top Shop till operator (with pashmina...).

Also on Tuesday, a colleague (Linda) and I helped another colleague get her car out of the car park, by playing one giant game of Car Park Shuffle! The photo represents Linda trying to reverse the desired car out of the space, whilst I had removed two cars (out of the way. One being the black Ford in the foreground, and the other a very nice Silver Vauxhall Astra. Both manuals, and both very nice to drive around a small car park. The Focus had very poor visibility though. And that's this post's episode of Top Gear over...

Lastly on Tuesday (I must have been very snap happy), I did my usual towing off TS Sturdy's box trailer. The trailer doesn't have a fancy way of attaching my number plate, so I use the good old trust worthy answer all problems tool: Gaffa Tape (or duct tape to any of my American friends reading). As we all know, if Gaffa tape doesn't fix the problem, use more Gaffa Tape! Unfortunatly, this Tuesday was an exceptionally damp day, where the entire contents of a small ocean fell on the country. Because of this, the trailer was slightly damp, and the Gaffa Tape didn't stick properly. So what did I do - that's right boys and girls - use MORE Gaffa Tape. With the reg plate almost hanging off the back, I limped my way to the trailer's home. And yes, the plate stayed on the trailer. Just.

Thursday saw another school trip, and yet again with Year 5. Not particularly exciting, as it was visiting two churches, and I'm not exactly religious. One of the churches though, had a replica of the Sistine Chapel painting on it's roof. Unfortunatly, no cameras or taking of photos is allowed...

And on to Thursday evening, and I had to drive to Shoreham to teach my Adult Education class in basic IT. Normally parking isn't a problem, but there was some parents/open evening on. Parking became a problem. Now I am quite proud of the places that I can park my car. Not only am I very good with close quarters manoeuvres, but I can pretty much slip my car in anywhere (an no that's not some raunchy double meaning). On this particular night, I parked in half a space between the end of a parking row, and the bins. Not that I wish to discourage comments, but I am already anticipating people saying the my car was parked where it belongs - with the rubbish... My car is a classic alright. And of you just watched tonight's episode of Top Gear, you'll know just how good classic cars can be...

One of the marvellous things about a plog, is that I can slip in completely random photos from the week. Here is a photo of my dear old Mum with some horrible disease. Forget bird flu - my mum's growing cat ears!

This weekend was the annual NTC West Sussex South Regional sleepover. This year, the regional sleepover was attended by no one else in the region other than my unit, the mighty TS Intrepid. Unfortunatly, this meant that I was not joined by my friends and fellow officers from the regions for some intelligent conversation. This meant I only had three of my 'senior' cadets for company once the majority of the cadets were in bed. And I think this photo sums up how exciting that was nicely...

We hold the above mentioned sleepover, in preparation for the NTC West Sussex South Region Rifle Shooting Competition. This (thankfully) was slightly better attended, as we were joined by TS Sturdy, and eventually TS Implacable. Our cadets did very well, winning a few trophies. But I wuld like to say this was all due to my inspiring leadership, as I brought home the overall best score of the day for the officers with a woefully low 136 out of 150 (I remember when you had to score over 140 to be in with a chance...). Our officers team also blitzed the competition, beating both TS Sturdy's team, and the combined team of TS Implaca-urdy. Hence the above photo with the group medal, and my trophy! About time I won that again...

And that was my week in pictures. Sorry you haven't seen the video of last week's Ice Skating yet, but my laptop doesn't want to play ball. As a picture is worth a 1000 words, the word count for this post is around 10 000! Remember, you read it here first - the brand bew concept. Get yourself a PLOG today!

If you hate the idea of a plog, and you think I am just taking the micky out of blogs, why not leave a message saying that you saw past my sarcastic attempt to revolutionise the internet.

If you like the idea of a plog, why not get one today, after leaving a comment, and checking your MySpace, and checking your Bebo, and checking your FaceBook, and checking your...

Quote of the Week: 'Charge!' Althought not a great quote, I had to include this as a story, and although I have no photo of it, it does make a beautiful mind's image. In my finest moment of glory as an Activities Officer in the Nautical Training Corps, I had the cadets lined up at the top of a hill, in the dark, pretending to be covert marines. When I shouted charge, all 15 cadets charged down the hill with me, in a glorious moment of cadet life. But why only a moment I hear you cry? I take about 5 paces at a run, before loosing my leg down a HUGE great hole the size of a small child. As I fall (now in slow motion), and turn, I see that there is just a line (almost a ditch) of deep holes, all across the course of the cadets now charging down the hill. I try and shout STOP! but it's too late. Like a horrible scene from Saving Private Ryan, and still in slow motion, a charging heard of children steer head long into the holes, slowly falling over and into the deep gorges of the Earth... How no one was injured, I do not know.

More stress, more disorganisation... probably

Good evening one and all! As I sit here on this rather damp, windy, and cold Sunday evening, I think you'll all be pleased to hear that I can't think of a single thing to write about. No really - not a sausage. To be absolutly honest, I'd much rather watch old re-runs of Red Dwarf on Dave (no, not some bizarre projection on the chest of my friend Comedic Dave, but Dave the digital TV channel). But, as y'all took the time to direct your web browsers to catcouk.blogspot.com (or FaceBook), I suppose I can through out some old crap, and see if it comes together to make a coherent post (although let's be honest, it's not usually coherent).

This week really has been quite stressful and disorganised for me. It all started with Monday, when, after breaking her ankle, I had to transport Mum to Wimbledon to see her barrister. For those of you that don't know, Mum is disabled with a back problem. For legal reasons, I can't say that this only happenned after an accident at work, because this has yet to be proven. I also can't say just how useless the legal firm is, although the barrister was brilliant, and seemed very on the ball.

He seemed especially on the ball, when I bourght a £1 packet of chocolate buttons when I stepped out of the meeting to help Mum to the loo. I went back into the meeting (pushing wheel chair clad Mum), and offered the packet around. I sat there quite gleefully, not happily munching away at my chocolate buttons, whilst the technical legal things continued. And as they continued, and the buttons slowly disappeared down my gullet, the barister kept eyeballing my packet (sharp intake of breath for those of you that get the double meaning) of chocolate buttons. When the meeting finished, many comments were made about never seeing so many buttons being eaten in one meeting before, and how the packet was empty...

But this dragged on a bit, and I was nearly late back for band practice. A band practice that I was running (despite the fact that I definatly have nothing to do with running the band anymore). Made worse by the fact that I had not been sent a important list from the bandmasters telling me who is going to play what instrument. So, quite literally, the rest of the evening was played by ear...

The week pretty much continued along this theme. And for some reason, I have lost alot of my organisation skills lately. To most people this isn't a huge problem, but when you are the Activities Officer of a large NTC unit (note that I can now use the term LARGE - 32 Cadets, and 6 Officers) this becomes something of a problem. Big apologies to Graham for making his life a misery, and not getting all the right paperwork/ information to him. Despite this, today's (Sunday's) trip went off without a hitch.

Well, as without a hitch as an Ice Skating trip can go with me involved. I was also very impressed with the Royal Naval Submarine Museum. As usual the cadets of TS Intrepid and TS Sturdy were well behaved, and did us proud. Until we walked near a visiting unit of Sea Cadets, dressed up very neatly, in full RN Waterproofs. They looked very smart, and that just goes to show the difference that external funding can make.

Who needs a minibus, when you've got lots of really helpful parents, and a convoy of cars. We do!

But this trip was one of those trips when I really really really wish that TS Intrepid had a minibus. It was thrashing down with liquid sunshine, and we had to have lunch in vehicles. Whilst Sturdy sat comfortably all together in their minibus, Intrepid sat in 5 different cars, squashed in the back seats, stuffing their faces with food. I'm sure I have said this on a few occasions, but this time I really mean it. Although our convoy style does work well, I WANT A MINIBUS!!!!

A huge thanks from me to all of the parents that drove and helped us out on this trip. I really appreciate it guys!

I would have had a video for you all to laugh at of me woefully trying to Ice Skate. But unfortunatly my camera doesn't want to play ball. So you'll just have to wait until next week.

Boxing - well you try and think of a caption involving towing a box trailer.

Before I go, I would like to bring up two points. Above is a photo of my most amazing 1986 Ford Escort towing TS Sturdy's box trailer. On Tuesday evenings, I help out at their band, and I now tow their trailer home. Ernie can tow that... Secondly, I would like to point out that we do have a group on FaceBook. I was browsing through it the other day, and noticed several people had added stuff. So, if you think I've missed something, or have a photo of something that goes on in CATCOUK, why not put it in the group?

This has been the multi-award failing blog CATCOUK.

If you think that this post represents nicely how disorganised I am this week, why not leave a comment, starting your comment with the word 'Loser'.

If you think that this was yet another high quality post, why not try reading the post again, and actually read it this time.

Quote of the Week: I haven't got one - talk about disorganised...

Return of the ramblings...

Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been 2 weeks since my last (proper) post...

I should explain that I am in no way shape or form, religious in any sense of the word. So, I have never been to a confessional, and I'm not Roman Catholic. I was merely using this as a dramatic entrance. A dramatic entrance that I have now ruined by explaining it. Marvellous.

Okay, so I haven't been able to post for a while. I would like you all to think that this was to show you what happens when people don't leave comments after reading. Well that's what I want you to believe, but the truth is very different.

As it's been two weeks, you'd think that I have loads of stuff to write about, but unfortunatly my ol' grey matter don't work that well, so half of the stuff you could have been reading about has been lost in the depths of my empty head somewhere. And alot of the other stuff that happens is quite frankly duller than the contents of my brother's head. I mean seriously, who wants to read that my life is so exciting that for the last few days, I have been looking research into flat rental, despite the fact that I'm not thinking of moving out for two to three years! I mean really, how dull is my life at times?

But I have managed to remember enough stuff to put together an almost coherent blog, that might actually be of interest. So enough gabbling around the issue. Just why in the name of all that's the Monty Cat (and that's ALOT of cat), was there nothing good on CATCOUK last week? Well it all started in late August, when a good friend of mine, and fellow NTC officer, Graham, said that he was running a shuffleboard evening, and I agreed to run the evening for them. Just a few short months later, on a dark and cold Sunday night, and I was sitting in Lavant Village Hall running said fundraising event.

By the time I got home, and realised that Top Gear hadn't recorded, and it was 11 O'Clock. With Chesswood the next morning, and another late night instore for Monday, I went to bed. Monday was of course bonfire night, and Bonfire night, we supported TS Implacable by forming the West Sussex South Regional Marching Band, to lead 10 000 or so people for the Guildford Torchlight Procession.

This is always an amazing night every year, but this year was extra specially... er... special. To start with, I am currently playing the side drum, although I just fill in where I am needed really. Our sister ship, Implacable raise more money than they know what to do wth it seems at times. They had just bought a set of drum sticks for the band. Nothing odd about that, you need drum sticks in a marching band. But these were no ordinary drum sticks - they glowed blue!

They looked amazing, but to be fair, were an absolute pain the arse to play. Made of clear lexan, the sticks were a little bit bendy, making them difficult to play with anyway. But this was made worse by the fact, that they weren't balanced very well. To play well, you need to hold the sticks at their balancing point. But because these sticks had batteries (hearing aid style) in the end, they were exceptionally heavy at the end. This meant the balancing point was virtually the end of the stick, leading to playing sticks that are essentially 50% longer than normal. I got about half way through the parade, and I honestly thought my wrists were going to fall off!

The second bit of fun that I had at Guildford was driving. The parade finished in the middle of a large recreation ground, but started in Guildford town centre. Whilst Implacable's minibus follows the band in the parade (normally, when it's not being repaired by the RAC like this year), any support cars, and Intrepid's minibus (well convoy of cars, we don't have a minibus... but if you have a minibus, and you would like to donate it to a youth group in Lancing, leave a message...), all of the cars have to be at one end of the other. So we take all the cars to the field first, then one person drives back to the start with the drivers. I offered to drive (as I like driving), so I would make the trip three times.

Getting across the field was less than easy. With throngs of people gathering to watch, getting cars through was difficult. As with every year, I put my hazard lights on, and switched on the main beams to blind everyone. Add this to the robust grunt of my mighty Escort (alright, rattly purr anyway), and you would think people would get out the way. But instead people prefer to pretend to be deers in the headlights and just stand there. As I am crawling along, potentially going to be late for the start of the parade, I glance across at my dash board, where I see my American Emergency Services blue flashing light. I think you can see where this is headed.

Being off the public road and in a park, it was perfectly legal for me to use it! Hurrah! And you'd be suprised what a difference it made. Getting back (once the other cars were dropped off, and I had the drivers in my car) was much easier. People were almost activly getting out of the way. The parade happenned, and I hitched a lift back to my car. I had to drive accross the field again to pick the cadets. So once again, the magnetic blue light ended up on the roof, and I crawled accross the field. The cadets, and fellow officers thought this was hillarious, but the story doesn't end there.

I parked up, removed the light from my roof, opened the boot, and started loading stuff. As I was loading my drum, I noticed a figure approaching me in a bright yellow jacket, wearing a policeman's helmet.... I imagine at this point, you're all thinking the same as the NTC mob were thinking: 'Andy's gonna get nicked'. Of course, I know that I haven't broken the law, but you're never quite so sure of yourself when you have the long arm of the law bearing down on you.

Unfortunatly, I can't tell you what happenned next for legal reasons.

Anyways, Wednesday was pretty dull. Only joking. The Policeman asked if I used the light on the road. I replied with a slight chuckle, no, that would be illegal. He said that was great, but why was I using it this evening. To get the crowds out the way was the answer, and said that was fair enough, and told me to carry on. Marvellous. I do support the Police. They have a pretty thankless task, and they are in trying to keep our streets safe. Support your local constabulary kids. If you get knicked, you probably did something wrong anyway.

So that explains why I didn't blog Sunday and Monday, but why the prolonged delay? My mobile phone has given up he ghost, and I have spent the rest of the week trying to sort that out. I don;t mind so much, but I need that phone for NTC purposes. God knows what information I have missed. Apologies to all that have tried to contact me, and failed. Hopefully my phone is being replaced this week. Find out next week, only on CATCOUK (if I actually post something...).

The other point of note, before it's time to climb back into my box for another week, this week at Chesswood was cycling profficiancy week. Being the outdoor loving mug, I offered to help out. It was actually quite enjoyable, and I do love being in the fresh air. But it was staggering just how useless some of these kids were. Alot of them were fine, but some of them... oh boy. In their own little worlds. Snaking about all over the roads, just generally having a merry old time. Even their eyes looked a little glazed over. You wouldn't think 10 year olds would be stoned in the middle of a school day would you. As Jimmy Carr said: Where do school children get their drugs from - A SUPPLY teacher...

I should clear up that the kids weren't not under the influence of drugs, and CATCOUK does not condone the use of recreation drugs.

Lovely jubbly. Hopefully this was a better post, and Paul T from Sussex won't feel the need to leave a message complaining. But at least he left a message! See you all next week.

If you have a minibus, and would like to donate it to Training Ship Intrepid, Nautical Training Corps, why not leave a message starting your message with the make, model and year.

If you have a minibus, but don't want to donate it, why not leave the keys in the ignition, and then leave a message starting your message with the address where you park your bus (even if you don't want to leave the keys, were all from Lancing, so we could probably just hotwire it, but the keys would make it much easier).

If you don't have a minibus, why not leave a comment, starting your message with the ammount you would like to donate so that we can buy our own...

Quote of the Week: 'When I was a girl, I used to pinch my brother's purple chopper,' said Nikki. For those of you that didn't get the double meaning, she was just talking about her brothers chopper BIKE when we were helping at cycling profficiancy.

Song of the Month: Knights of Cydonia. Muse.

More disappointments

Sorry boys and girls. I was going to write this week's post tonight, but now my phone has gone on the blink, and I have had to spend all evening trying to get my old old phone going. I must say, Nokias are incredibly reliable. Since I bought my old Nokia 3510 in 2002, I have owned 3 other phones (including my current one). They have all broken, but my old Nokia is still going strong.

Bloomin' Sony Ericsson. I am less than a happy bunny.

But I don't want to leave you guys completely bored. So instead, you have four choices:

1. You can watch the routine of TS Intrepid's Marching Band (of which I am a side drummer - the drummer with the gold buttons on my jacket) by going to www.ntc.org.uk/intrepid/video.

2. You can watch a clip video of the recent NTC National Band Competition (again, I am the side drummer in TS Intrepid with gold buttons), and you can find this video at www.ntc.org.uk/intrepid/video.

3. You can watch both videos by going to www.ntc.org.uk/intrepid/video.

4. You can complain that this post was too short, by leaving a comment below.

See you all next week.

If you have chosen option 4, leave a message after the beep.

If you have chosen options 1, 2 or 3, leave a message about how stupid/ handsome you think I look after the beep.

Quote of the Week: 'Into three's!!!' Shouts a distressed Ch/O Stuart Ginnaw (West Sussex South regional band director), as he notices the massed bands of TS Intrepid, TS Implacable, and TS Sturdy are too wide to fit down a very narrow, very dark track... Breath in!

Beep.

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The post you are looking for could not be found. Please try again on Wednesday.

Ironically, I'm not even typing this from my laptop, as I want it working solidly on something else. See you Wednesday gang, for a super late post!