That's a scary thought...

I'd like to start off by saying that I have completely recovered from camp last week - but I can't lie. I'm still knackerd. On the plus side, our videography project has come together nicely. There is a preview version available on YouTube, but please don't watch it unless you want to give us some critical feedback. The final cut will be available next week...

On the subject of videography, I have had immense fun this week with it. The whole experience has been a relaxed one, and a real enjoyable experience. But this week, I had to start seriously putting a soundtrack to the video. The soundtrack woudl have to be pretty damn good too, because the story of the film is so flimsy, a wet paperbag looks strong by comparison! But thankfully, Kat did find an amazing piece of dramatic orchestral music to use. And even better than that, the music was available in several different versions. I could bring in the percussion track to add more power when it was needed. Ahh, a true masterpiece if I do say so myself.

Look out for that next week.

As you may have noticed (if you live near me), the weather this weekend has been amazing! And for once, I have used that weather properly. Yesterday evening, I joined one of my friends in Brighton for an evening BBQ, to celebrate some new housemates that she has. It was a good little evening, but spoilt somewhat by one of her previous housemates. Due to some 'personal issues', she decided to take a dislike to me (by saying personal issues I am being diplomatic, and not stating the real reasons for her apparent psychosis). Shame that it ended that way, because it had been a great evening up to that point. After the BBQ qas dealt with, I felt it best to make a tactful departure.

Today (Sunday) I joined my friend Graham, and his wonderful NTC cadets from TS Sturdy, and we went on a little hiking trip, as part of their Duke of Edinburgh's Award training. I haven't done any proper D of E work for years, and it was great to get back into that saddle. Really good bunch of cadets too, that showed alot of promise. Regardless, it was a beautiful way to spend the day, in the glorious weather. Good walk, good scenery, good friends. What more could you want?

Only a short post this week, because I feel that you should stop reading, and go out and enjoy the weather. That comment doesn't work if you are either:
A - reading this late in the week (which is your fault), and the weather has turned, or
B - somewhere else other than beautiful Sussex (which is still your fault).

To end, I would like to refer to the title of this week's post. Mum went on holiday to Tenerife on Friday (yes, leaving the Clarke men to fend for themselves). As she was leaving, I wished her a happy holiday, and jokingly said: 'The next time you see me [next Saturday], I won't be a student anymore... just unemployed [said with a confused look]'. Until I said that, the reality of my situation hadn't really hit home. I should probably go out and find a job, huh?

Quote of the week: 'What do you think you were doing?' the old geezer asked me, as he got out og his car, after bumping into the back og Holly's car. The reason this is the quote, is because I had to reply 'Firstly sir, I was the passenger, and secondly, you hit us!' Silly old fart. Still his car had many scratches, and Holly's car had none - all good then (and yes, he was at fault).

A very tiring week...

Okay, so all of the serious work has been done at Uni now, and you'd think that I'd get a restful week out of it. Nah. NTC stepped in to fill the void, and so I had yet more late nights. I also had some restless nights worrying about camp, and the last-minure approach that I had been forced to take (it's worth mentioning that the camp went off without a hitch, and I needn't have worried - thanks to Graham and his staff from TS Sturdy).

All week, I have been furiously editing a video for my last module at University. In honesty, we don't have the right footage. We've got lots of great photoage, but producing an actual story is going to take a work of such genious, that the editor is probably going to be getting job offers to work with Steven Spielberg. Fortunately, I enjoy this, and it has been a real pleasure going to Uni this week.

On Friday morning, we had to show the rest of our module class our videos. They were all really good, but I was naturally very proud of our video. I am especially pleased with the intoduction. It starts with a really cinematic sequence of climbing, finishing with a dramatic zoom-out from a sea cliff. At the moment we using Michael Giacchino's new soundtrack intro to Star Trek, which sounds amazing, but we need to find a license free alternative (which is gutting us). But that is frankly academic, because the part of the video that everyone will be talking about is after the opening titles - the driving sequence. With a very funky 70s-esk theme, Ernie drives past the camera, and we see Ernie pull up in the car park. Fantastic. (This will be available on YouTube as soon as it's finished - if that ever happens)

Friday night, before camp Saturday morning, we held our AGM and an awards night in one evening at TS Intrepid. The awards night usually lasts an hour, and the AGM can last an hour also. With that in mind, when the boss (Brian) said we's be finished by 9, you'd think we'd start a little early. No, 7.30. But despite this, somehow it was pulled off, and nothing seemed rushed - more through luck than judgement? Incidentally, this also meant that our usual Friday to Monday bank holiday was crashed, and we had to start on Saturday morning...

Anyways, we had to pack for camp, and I am not allowed to tow the NTC box trailer, due to our country's ridiculous and expensive licensing system. Dad stepped in, and off we went to the lockup. It was pitch black, and we didn't pack the trailer very well. It soon filled up, and so did Ernie. Lots of stuff was left in the garage, and I would have to pick up my trailer, and finish off on Saturday morning. In frustration, I shut my boot heavily, and just as it was closing, a bottle of ketchup rolled in the way.

You know what happenned, and you don't need to read that the ketchup exploded - all over Ernie's boot carpet. I never have thge carpet in - but this evening, when ketchup exploded everywhere, I did. Worse still, I lifted the tailgate to inspect the damage, not realising that a large ammount of ketchup had landed on the bottom of the tailgate. Sure enough, with the tailgate raised above my head, the ketchup dripped down, into my hair, and all over my white NTC shirt. Nuts. Oddly, driving back home, I can only assume West Sussex smelt of Ketchup, because that's all I could smell in my car - even with the window down!

Camp was generally a success, and many a funny tale is to be told. However, what happens on camp - stays on camp! But there is one thing I have to mention. Monday morning, I got out of my tent, and looked up at the sky. With a sigh, I said to myself 'We're not going to get away with this...' Rain was impending, and I really didn't want to dry a million tents. Bearing in mind that I had just woken up (along with many of the cadets), I shouted 'Right kids, pack your kit, take it to the minibus, and then get the tents down.' Did it work? Did it bugger. Dad and I were hanging wet tents for nearly an hour in the lockup. (Fortunately we had left the big tents up, and they were mostly dry when we took them down after the sun came out)

Anyways, whilst we were all huddling in our fantastic HQ tent, Graham texted on of his officers in Chichester for a weather report. Chichester would get the same weather as our camp, but about 20-30 minutes earlier. Spud apparently has taken meteorology at school, so we could expect a pretty good report. This is what we got: 'Well, I can't hear rain against my window, so it's probably stopped. But it could just be raining lightly'. Brilliant. Thanks for that. Couldn't even be bothered to get out of bed...

That's it from me. Despite having nearly 11 hours of sleep last night, I'm still knackered, and need to crash into bed. Goodnight!

No chance

Sorry, but despite my best intentions, I am just too nackered to write. I have spent all week having sleepless nights worrying about camp (worried whether it had been completely organised) - and then I was up 'til 2 sorting out some ill children. So, I need to have some sleepy time now, but if you're all good boys and girls, I may write something up tomorrow.

Just to whet your appetitite, here's what you can look forward to: the ketchup explosion, videography, and camp news (ooh, I say - no not that kind of camp).

Goodnight.

Quick one

Going camping with NTC for weekend - post will be a day late.

Three posts in a row

Something is definitely wrong. This is the third post that has been written, on time, in a row. This cannot be good news...

It's alright though, I haven't got much to say this time. Firstly, despite the fact that he clearly has a very severe engine issue that my friend Michael and I have been unable to fathom, Ernie continues to march on steadfastly. No matter what the job, my amazing nearly 23 year old car does whatever is asked of him. No matter the distance, no matter the destination, no matter the reason - Ernie is the unstopable force.

Having said that, Ernie did have a little hiccup this week. Running slightly late, Ernie once again fired up into action, and got me to University in cracking time through traffic. On the way, I have to join a road at a staggered junction. Just as I was pulling out (after admittedly using slightly too much right foot) Ernie decided that, nah, he's not playing any more. The engine cut out, and I hadn't enough speed to complete the tunr onto the road. So there I was, sat in the middle of the road, with an engine that won't start, looking at two streams of traffic barreling down on me. I couldn't help but think 'Oh dear, this is somewhat unfortunate and inconvenient...'.

With no luck after several attempts, I decided the only way to stop completely blocking the road, was to give Ernie a hand, and for the very first time since I have taken ownership of my amazing car, push him. Fortunately, Ernie is nothing if he isn't light, and despite being the world's most capabel estate car, I can easily steer him, whilst having the driver's doop open, and push. We were quickly in the opposite side road.

A very nice man jumped out of his car, and ran over to give us a hand. Whilst he pushed from the boot, he asked 'Out of petrol, is it?'. To which I replied, with a sigh 'No, just old...'. Anyways, I sat back in my car, waited a few seconds (as I was convinced the engine was just flooded), and then Ernie roared back into life again. I really must get some money together to get the engine sorted.

Second important news of the week, is my eagerly awaited review of a new film: Star Trek. I know that CATCOUK has become very popular over the years, and my reviews have become very important within the industry (I'm not sure which industry, but probably something like flying pig breeders). Anyways, I understand J J Abrams himself has been waiting on the edge of his seat (not) to read this. He really does (not) want to know how many Escorts out 5 his new interpretation of this old classic will be awarded. So here we go.

As many of you will know, I am a definite trekkie. I am not ashamed to say that I think my life has been effected for the better by the high ideals and concepts presented by Star Trek, and for me, Captain Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and Scotty are the crew for me. I will admit that I was initially skeptical of the concept of yet another prequal (has no one got an orginal story to tell anymore), but I was very welcome to accept a new adventure with my favourite crew.

I am pleased to say that I was not disappointed. And on so many levels. J J Abrams is a genious, and the writers have achieved a modern day masterpiece. They have developed a story that is very exciting, simple, and full of action - just want 'normal people' want to watch. But more than that, they have managed to weave in a blend of inside jokes, nods, and comments that give us trekkies like me to appreciate. But better than that, if you're willing to read between the lines, it is very acceptable story, that could be cannon (trekkies, look up Star Trek countdown).

There are definite flaws - what the heck is 'red matter'? Star Trek has never given us such a vague concept before. The main plot of the story revolves around black holes, but black holes just don't do what they said in the film. The term 'quantum singularity' would probably have solved this plot flaw, but we all know that non-trek fans would have been confused. Fair play. But don't fear too much, just like Trek of old, the bad-guy isn't very well explained, and the character is a little flat (although brilliantly portrayed).

Zachary Quinto plays an amazing Spock - very well done sir. And he really does look like a young Leonard Nimoy. Simon Pegg did not dissappoint with Scotty, although he joined a little late (the biggest cheer from the audience I was with was when Mr. Scott said 'I'm giving it all she's got captain!'). And for me, a special congratulations to Karl Urban, who has got the spirit of Bones McCoy down to a tee. I have nothing against Chris Pine, but I don't think this story was about Kirk. And that is a huge departure from older Star Trek. I think it would be difficult for anyone to play Captain Kirk, so I'm not going to criticise him. I think we'll see better when he's allowed to sit in the captain's chair in the already ordered sequal.

Ultimately, this is an amazing film that is worth seeing whether you have been a fan of the previous Star Trek films or not. There is something for everyone, action, adventure, and humour (something never achieved convincingly by Trek before). Trek fans, go and see it. Expect to see a new adventure with the characters you remember and love, but don't expect a Trek-worthy plot with many complications.

From my enthusiasm, I'm sure you know where this is going. 4 Escorts out of 5, and a Starship Enterprise. I would love to give a fifth Escort, but fear that there are just a few too many flaws for that maximum rating (but I did give it a starship Enterprise as well). J J Abrams has done a wonderful job, and this is a film to satisfy all. I'm really looking forward to the next one.

Wow, that was the most comprehensive review ever!

Lastly, I was invited to a quix night tonight with TS Sturdy in Chichester. I love quizzes, because I like to have my brain stretched, and feel accomplishment. It's not about the winning, it definitely is about the taking part. But when Graham invited me, I didn't know that he had got the questions from MENSA! Well, maybe not MENSA, but it was definitely the hardest quiz I have even attended. Let me put it this way - the easist questions were the brain teaser questions near the end (I answered all but 1 of them, and 1 I only solved after someone made a comment).

I had the opportunity to join any team really. There was one team of only cadets, but I don't like to diminish cadet's achievements. If I'd known that the questions were going to be this hard, I would have helped them out to give them a chance. Well, at least they won a consolation bag of sweets. I know that I am trying to recover from the massive strain Uni put me under, but I don't think my brain is that far gone!

Regardless of the impossible questions, it was a fun evening, so thanks very much Graham.

Well, you;ll be pleased to hear that I am now well on the way to recovery from Uni. My last serious essay was handed in Friday, just a video left. I coming out of my long spell of depression, and over-taxing, and I think I'm coming back better than ever. I'm nearly back up to speed with NTC (although there are still some messes that even I can't clear up - Intrepid officers, you know what I mean [cough] AGM), and all is well with the world. Just need to get a job now then.

Goodnight.

(the long awaited return of the...)

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: 'Oh, I thought it was only the 8th today' replied Hannah, after bursting into the room and asking what the date would be next weekend. Yeah, think about that.

An exciting week!

Well boys and girls, where do I start? My life has taken a sudden U-turn, and I have many exciting things to bring up in this week's instalment of my life. No, I won't have to complain about all the hours spent behind a computer (well, not much anyway), because stuff has started to happen in my life again. Hold on tight, here we go...

First off, with my dissertation so nearly complete, I had been advised to go and see a tutor about my results section. My personal dissertation tutor wasn't 100% confident with his statistics, so he said it would be prudent to get Hodgo to browse over it. I had feared that he would find a problem with my results, and then I'd have to re-write the second half of my dissertation. Of course, my luck's never that bad, especially if I'm writing about it on my blog...

Yeah right. There was a alight problem (which did in fact make my results a little stronger), and so I spent all day Wednesday re-writing the latter half of my dissertation. Oh deep joy... Never mind though, because after 7 hours of hard work, it was done! I spent three hours at work in the evening (an hour of which was spent formatting my dissertation), and then went home for a nice sleep. More dissertation adventures to come later on!

My dissertation tutor had advised me to take a night off. Watch a film, or do something that wasn't working. Okay, so I go to NTC, but let's be honest, that is work (although it's definitely less annoying than writing a dissertation). It just so happens that I get a text message Tuesday morning from one of my NTC friends in Brighton. Natalie said that she had some free tickets to a show, and asked if I'd like to go with her, and some of her other friends and family. Well, it's a night out. Here is a photo of me, standing with some of the cast...

Of course I asked what the show was before I agreed to go and see it. At the time, I'd never heard of the show, and just thought that it was some comedy thing. After some research later in the day, I found out that the 'Lady Boys of Bangkok' wasn't the comedy show that I had assumed it was. And if you hadn't already guessed, yes, the people in the photo above are actually MEN. No, really, they've all got cocks.

I have to say that the show as very funny, and there was this one Thai bloke who was definitely a Thai Graham Norton. He played the least convincing lady boy. At several points in the show, male members of the audience were set upon by the performers, with one guy even being stripped of his shirt, and his nipple poked with an umbrella. I was lucky enough to be in the middle of the audience, and in no danger of being caught (incdentally, the man did get his shirt back, after the lady boy pulled it between their thighs, and bending over in front of him...).

There was one dance that disturbed me greatly though. Towards the end of one of the acts, the performers stripped to wearing only bikinis. Trying desperatly hard to remember that these were in fact men, I didn't know where to look. They looked like attractive women that should be watched, but they were men! Very troubling. If I wasn't sexually confused before, I sure am now...

In the intermission, Natalie dragged me up on stage to have my photo taken (the one above). Other members of the NTC were there, and proceeded to pass the image around like wildfire. Comments have been made like 'Which one is Andy Clarke - I think he's the one on the left', and 'Andy Clarke was thrown out after this photo for groping one of the Lady Boys'. Sigh. But the best comment award has to go to my colleague Roz, who, when shown the picture, disdainfully replied 'they're all men aren't they?' Everyone else had at least thought for a moment that they were women, so I asked her why ashe came to this conclusion so quickly. 'Well,' she replied, 'I knew you wouldn't be standing next to that many women that looked that hot.' Oh thanks for that.

Thursday turned out to be a long day. Far from the Pavillion Green in Brighton, and the many Lady Boys (I did wonder which toilet they'd use, as I visited the facilities after the show), Ernie took four university friends and I to Dorset for the day. We started filming for our 'Adventure Sports Videography' documentary, on Sport Climbing. I cannot tell you how good it was to be outside after months of sitting in front of a computer. We were in a coastal quarry near Swanage, right on the sea. The weather wasn't brilliant, but it was fantastic to get rid of the cobwebs. Very cleansing.

For one part of the filiming, it was necessary to record a clip of the climbers driving into the car park. For production reasons, it was necessary to use a stunt vehicle. And yes, you've guessed it, Ernie the Escort was that car. In one day, Ernie added two more jobs to his CV: OB (Outside Broadcast) truck, and stunt car. Because I thought it would be funny, I had Luke drive the car (because of the two climbers, he was the one without a driving license). It was a private gravel car park, so no laws were ebing broken.

Although he didn't have a license, I know that he had ridden motorcycles, and lots of other interesting vehicles. He sounded almost excited to be driving Ernie (and well, who wouldn't!), but didn't actually tell me that he had never driven a car before. He asked Phil (the other climber) which pedal did what! To his credit, he did alright. Except for the excessive revving to find the biting point of the clutch. I've never been so worrried and felt so powerless in my entire life...

To finish then, I shall complete the miserable story of my dissertation. Because I had been filming on Thursday, I asked my poorly mum to take my printed disertations (two copies) to the Bognor Campus to be bound (they had to be handed in 24 hours in advance). Mum did this without any hassle.

So, feeling almost relaxed, I awoke Friday morning to go and collect them, and hand them in to the Chichester officer, where the deadline was 12 noon. After a short period of worry (where the reprographics office couldn't find my work), I got back in the car at 11 - leaving me a whole hour to complete the 20-minute drive to Chichester in peace, and hand in the documents. I just started to pull one copy out of the envelope to have a look, when a dark thought dawned on me. I had to hand in a CD with a copy on as well, and I hadn't even burnt the CD, let alone brought it with me. Oh dear...

So, I had to race back home (which is twenty minutes in the wrong direction, ruch upstairs, and get the computer going. Fortunately, I had bought a new laptop in January, and Vista is very quick. Less than five minutes later, I was back behind the wheel of my glorious Mark IV Escort. We raced towards Chichester, as fast as the law would allow (honest officer!). After hitting a spot of traffic in Arundel, I arrived at the University, and rushed to the PE Office (I didn't actually run, that would have made me out of breath!). I bolted up the flights of stairs to the third floor, and appeared in the PE Office. I handed my work in with just 5 minutes to spare. Well, it would have been boring, and less blogging material to hand it in with plenty of time to spare (why do I do it to myself?).

And on that note, it is time for bed boys and girls. Feel free to comment, it makes me think that spending time writing this carp is worth while...