Hello all. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (depending on when you're reading...). I've always thought of this time as some sort of bizarre, yet relaxed limbo between Christmas and New Year. As such, and as promised, this is a rather relaxed blog for me to write. I'm going to answer the comments left over the last few weeks, which means that I don't have to worry about being original...
Siobhan from Worthing writes...
You just made my Christmas =D
Not only does my laptop now make sound I had your 'pleasant' singing to listen to ;)
Happy Christmas =)
Reply As already stated, Merry Christmas, and I am pleased that I was able to make it for you, although I think it's really got something to do with Father Christmas, and his son Jesus... And I would like to know what you are trying to say by writing pleasant in speech marks - what do you mean, huh?
Anne Onymous from Outer Mongolia comments...
"I'm far too busy anyway" Pah! What a pathetic excuse, try this,when you see someone you really like go and steal a kiss it's the perfect time of year as long as you can produce some mistletoe you shouldn't get into too much trouble. If they look like they might slap you smile that lovely smile, if that fails to save your a*** RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Reply I'm sure this was a well meaning comment, but clearly Anne does not realise the sort of people that I hang around. This Christmas, I have been mainly at home (I'm not from Norfolk, so I'm not really in to that sort of thing...), or at various Christmas parties (where the person nearest my age was 18 [all sounds good] except he's MALE! the nearst aged female is late twenties and slightly pregnant). So kind of wasted advice there, but thanks anyway. And what does a*** mean? Arms perhaps...?
Rob from Crawley asks...
Hey ClarkeFace,
Howz life going? - Stupid question as you have just written about it.
Let me know your schedule for the next few weeks, as your have to come and check out my Crawley Penthouse.
Reply Yes, that was a stupid question - what else could you possibly want to know about my life? And I can't speak to you, because I'm already coming up to see your Crawley Penthouse, even though you didn't know about it. No I wasn't going to break in, but your Mum has invited me up for a suprise on your Birthday. And by know, you know exactly what that suprise was. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Siobhan still from Worthing announces...
Aha you do live! I was beginning to get worried...
My work computer seems to have had a rather large misbehaviour and has been pretending you haven't updated your blog for weeks... which apparently isn't true
Glad to see you're still with us :)
And Christmas sucks, thats just the way it is!!
Reply Someone else, clearly sharing in my festive mood. Bad mood that is. Yes I am still here. Romours of my death have been greaty exaggerated (or a quote similar to that anyway...). And good to see someone reading my blog instead of keeping the country's industry going (or in your case, keeping our floods at bay...)
Lashings of Custard (also known as Bev) from Worthing said...
You forgot to kiss it and say a prayer... the radio if you hit something you have to do the other two, works every time well maybe not.
Re your lovelife how about an older woman? you must be surrounded by them and you never know a bit of illicit snogging may just brighten their day! Just a thought.
One more thing why don't you comment on your comments, how do we know if we made you laugh or cry?
Reply Both laugh AND cry normally. What is it with people suggesting older women at the moment? Just how old do y'all think I am? Is it wrong for me to be looking for a young lady aged 18-22 (although I'm only getting older, so I guess my ideal age range is too...)? Is it me that's weird, or all of you lot? Lastly, kissing still doesn't work, and I'm all out of God points - I haven't visited a Church for quite some time.
Well thanks for not leaving many comments, and giving me a lovely realxed evening watching Channel 4's Big Fat Quiz of the Year. Have a good New Year all, and I'll be at a flat party of my friend Michael and his girlfriend Amy. See you there/ thanks for a good evening (depending of when you read this, should you choose to...)
If your New Year's resolution will be to never read this load of old rubbish again, why not leave a comment saying goodbye...
If your New Year's resolution is to forever read this blog, why not leave a message saying that you either have no life, or have a very dull job...
Quote of the Week: 'Was there a car chase?' asked a very tired mother of mine (there's only one Moo), as she inquired whether my new 5.1 Stereo Surround Sound system was the source of all the noise at midnight. It was.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Happy CATCOUK-mas everyone (as in 12 days of)
And of course, Merry Christmas to you all as well (although you are probably all reading this after the day, so consider it early for Christmas 2008).
As promised, here is the 2007 12 Days of CATCOUK-mas. As always, strong references to Terry Garoghan, who (back in the day) when he broadcast The Last Bus To Whitehawk on Southern FM (also back in the day, when it was actually good). Every year, he sung (with studio guest) 12 days of Christmas, that summarised the year.
(Don't worry, it's not a video - it's just the easiest way to upload an MP3)
Also, if you're interested, here's last years.
Lovely. Have a good one, and see you next week. By the way, someone this week, asked if I would reply to people's comments. And I do usually, around this time of year. So start leaving comments now, and I shall answer every single one next week (so don't leave too many...).
If you want an answer, why not leave a comment.
If you want a log post next week, why not leave a comment.
Quote of the Week: 'The Turkey Trotts' replied the doctor, when Mum described our symptoms (hers and mine), after eating some rather less than brilliant Turkey at a Christmas Party, followed by a night of being stuck to the toilet(s) (good job we have three), and loosing all of the dinner we had just eaten. Merry Christmas.
As promised, here is the 2007 12 Days of CATCOUK-mas. As always, strong references to Terry Garoghan, who (back in the day) when he broadcast The Last Bus To Whitehawk on Southern FM (also back in the day, when it was actually good). Every year, he sung (with studio guest) 12 days of Christmas, that summarised the year.
(Don't worry, it's not a video - it's just the easiest way to upload an MP3)
Also, if you're interested, here's last years.
Lovely. Have a good one, and see you next week. By the way, someone this week, asked if I would reply to people's comments. And I do usually, around this time of year. So start leaving comments now, and I shall answer every single one next week (so don't leave too many...).
If you want an answer, why not leave a comment.
If you want a log post next week, why not leave a comment.
Quote of the Week: 'The Turkey Trotts' replied the doctor, when Mum described our symptoms (hers and mine), after eating some rather less than brilliant Turkey at a Christmas Party, followed by a night of being stuck to the toilet(s) (good job we have three), and loosing all of the dinner we had just eaten. Merry Christmas.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Oh God - it's Christmas
To get this week's title, you'll need to think Christmas music.
I'm not a grinch, but I'm beginning to find Christmas less and less fun. My main reason for my dislike of this festive time of year, is that it completely disrupts my life. As self-centred as that may sound, it does mean that I have to spend more time at home. And it kills me having nothing to do.
But I'm not a complete hum bug. My car for example, is not an average car. It would therefore be criminal for me to completely disregard it at this merry time of year. The first year that I had Ernie, I decorated him quite subtly with a small piece of blue tinsel accross the dash board. Last year I inherited a set of 12v (run off the cigar lighter) fairy lights. And when I say 'fairy', I mean 'fairy' in the Brighton sense if you know what I mean. After all, the lights are pink! But they were free, so I'm not complaining.
This year, I have added a string in the back, to hang all of my Christmas cards on. I have some pegs on the string, so that the cards don't migrate to the centre of the string. This allows me to have some rear visibility. Excellent - so that's not a distraction to driving at all then... I'd love to show you some photos, but as my phone is bug*ered again, I can't.
It's a good job that I have that string up really. Working in a school provides a number of dangers. One is that fact that you are constantly at risk of catching the lurgy currently floating around the school. Another is that you are likely to recieve half of the Amazon rainforest in Christmas Cards. No really - I've lost count! To make matters worse, I've opened some cards, and I haven't got the faintest clue who's written. That's the problem with working accross several different classes - it's difficult to remember 150 chlidren's names.
One thing that I won't miss from my busy week is hearing a cadet band play Christmas tunes. Over, and over, and over, and over, and over... Don't get me wrong. The award winning band of TS Sturdy play the tunes very well. They just get a bit tiresome. Especially bleedin' 'Little Donkey'! That tune drives me mad!!! It's at times like that, I wish my hearing didn't work.
And talking of things not working, it's not just my phone that's on the fritz. The radio in my car is also non-operational. Today, after being bored of listening to silence for three weeks, I decide to investigate the problem. After some technical inspections, I found that the sound system is fine, but the radio itself isn't outputting any sound. With my top rate skills, and using some very technical engineering techniques (I hit the unit several times), I found that I was unable to rectify the problem. So I am now looking for a new unit. Ironically, I do have a new radio, but no key code for it. Damn.
Everything is winding down now at school. On Friday we hired in some people to show us (and the kids I suppose) a movie. Well, not being one to shirk on my responsibilities, I of course reviewed the movie, for all my faithful readers. The film was Ratatouille (if that's spelt right). It's all about a Rat that loves to cook. Typical isn't it - even a cartoon rat can cook better than I. Anyways, it was an entertaining film, with the real meaning being all about racial acceptance. I give this film an ammusing 4 Escorts out of 5.
4 Escorts out of 5 - a suprisingly entertaining film for all the family.
This Friday also saw the second and third of five Christmas parties. The first was several weeks ago, care of TS Sturdy. It was a fantastic meal, and my sincere thanks go to Robin E for organising it - very tasty. The second was the NTC cadet's party. One of my most trusted senior cadets happens to be very good at organising these sorts of events, and so she did. And a brilliant job too, I might add.
But the most fun event so far was Friday evening. Informal drinks at a colleague's house. Unfortunatly, because I know that some of the students at our school have found this blog I can't say who was there or why, or even much of what happenned, despite the fact that there are some great stories. But as with every social occasion, it didn't take long for the topic of conversation to turn to my 'love life' or lack there of. Yet again, this group of friends took it upon themselves to suggest ways that I could rectify this problem.
So I would just like to clear things up. I have tried every method that I feel is available to me to start a relationship. I have failed at all attempts, and I just don't care any more. If someone is crazy enough to want a relationship with me, then they can bloomin' well ask. I just don't care anymore. But as we eventually decided upon at this Christmas party - I'm far too busy anyway, so I'm not going to worry about it.
Well, next week's post will be leading us into that final Christmas week. So watch out for what I am hoping is becoming a CATCOUK tradition. Coming next week - the 12 days of CATCOUK-mas.
If you don't bother reading before the big day next week, have a good one, especially my guest writers, and participants of various different CATCOUK posts, from the whole team here at CATCOUK (well okay, me).
If you like Christmas, and think that I am a scrooge, why not leave a comment.
If you don't like Christmas, don't think you're the same as me - I'll get into it around 2358 on Monday 24th December.
Quote of the week: 'So I said, 'Try using talcum powder'.' I wish I could explain that quote...
I'm not a grinch, but I'm beginning to find Christmas less and less fun. My main reason for my dislike of this festive time of year, is that it completely disrupts my life. As self-centred as that may sound, it does mean that I have to spend more time at home. And it kills me having nothing to do.
But I'm not a complete hum bug. My car for example, is not an average car. It would therefore be criminal for me to completely disregard it at this merry time of year. The first year that I had Ernie, I decorated him quite subtly with a small piece of blue tinsel accross the dash board. Last year I inherited a set of 12v (run off the cigar lighter) fairy lights. And when I say 'fairy', I mean 'fairy' in the Brighton sense if you know what I mean. After all, the lights are pink! But they were free, so I'm not complaining.
This year, I have added a string in the back, to hang all of my Christmas cards on. I have some pegs on the string, so that the cards don't migrate to the centre of the string. This allows me to have some rear visibility. Excellent - so that's not a distraction to driving at all then... I'd love to show you some photos, but as my phone is bug*ered again, I can't.
It's a good job that I have that string up really. Working in a school provides a number of dangers. One is that fact that you are constantly at risk of catching the lurgy currently floating around the school. Another is that you are likely to recieve half of the Amazon rainforest in Christmas Cards. No really - I've lost count! To make matters worse, I've opened some cards, and I haven't got the faintest clue who's written. That's the problem with working accross several different classes - it's difficult to remember 150 chlidren's names.
One thing that I won't miss from my busy week is hearing a cadet band play Christmas tunes. Over, and over, and over, and over, and over... Don't get me wrong. The award winning band of TS Sturdy play the tunes very well. They just get a bit tiresome. Especially bleedin' 'Little Donkey'! That tune drives me mad!!! It's at times like that, I wish my hearing didn't work.
And talking of things not working, it's not just my phone that's on the fritz. The radio in my car is also non-operational. Today, after being bored of listening to silence for three weeks, I decide to investigate the problem. After some technical inspections, I found that the sound system is fine, but the radio itself isn't outputting any sound. With my top rate skills, and using some very technical engineering techniques (I hit the unit several times), I found that I was unable to rectify the problem. So I am now looking for a new unit. Ironically, I do have a new radio, but no key code for it. Damn.
Everything is winding down now at school. On Friday we hired in some people to show us (and the kids I suppose) a movie. Well, not being one to shirk on my responsibilities, I of course reviewed the movie, for all my faithful readers. The film was Ratatouille (if that's spelt right). It's all about a Rat that loves to cook. Typical isn't it - even a cartoon rat can cook better than I. Anyways, it was an entertaining film, with the real meaning being all about racial acceptance. I give this film an ammusing 4 Escorts out of 5.
4 Escorts out of 5 - a suprisingly entertaining film for all the family.
This Friday also saw the second and third of five Christmas parties. The first was several weeks ago, care of TS Sturdy. It was a fantastic meal, and my sincere thanks go to Robin E for organising it - very tasty. The second was the NTC cadet's party. One of my most trusted senior cadets happens to be very good at organising these sorts of events, and so she did. And a brilliant job too, I might add.
But the most fun event so far was Friday evening. Informal drinks at a colleague's house. Unfortunatly, because I know that some of the students at our school have found this blog I can't say who was there or why, or even much of what happenned, despite the fact that there are some great stories. But as with every social occasion, it didn't take long for the topic of conversation to turn to my 'love life' or lack there of. Yet again, this group of friends took it upon themselves to suggest ways that I could rectify this problem.
So I would just like to clear things up. I have tried every method that I feel is available to me to start a relationship. I have failed at all attempts, and I just don't care any more. If someone is crazy enough to want a relationship with me, then they can bloomin' well ask. I just don't care anymore. But as we eventually decided upon at this Christmas party - I'm far too busy anyway, so I'm not going to worry about it.
Well, next week's post will be leading us into that final Christmas week. So watch out for what I am hoping is becoming a CATCOUK tradition. Coming next week - the 12 days of CATCOUK-mas.
If you don't bother reading before the big day next week, have a good one, especially my guest writers, and participants of various different CATCOUK posts, from the whole team here at CATCOUK (well okay, me).
If you like Christmas, and think that I am a scrooge, why not leave a comment.
If you don't like Christmas, don't think you're the same as me - I'll get into it around 2358 on Monday 24th December.
Quote of the week: 'So I said, 'Try using talcum powder'.' I wish I could explain that quote...
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Guess who's back...
Firstly, if you can't guess who, then you really should consider why you are reading this. Guests always welcome...
Apologies for last week. But hey, that happens...
I would like to start this week's post off by shamelessly promoting a new project that I am working on, by enticing you to see something ammusing. I am currently working on a brand new national website for the Nautical Training Corps (NTC - Current Website). Because the Corps is, quite frankly, useless when it comes to responsing to requests, I have made a political statement on the new design. I haven't used any pictures, because I want people from accross the organisation to send me stuff. In the place of normal photos, I made my own picture. Somewhat changes the feel of the website wouldn't you say?
Please check it out, and give me some feedback. I want this to be the easiest website to use! Whilst you're there, check out my picture...
So far, I should add, the response from the Corps has been good. I have had responses from: Intrepid (mu unit, suprise suprise), Implacable, Attentive, Hood, Lion, and Sturdy (about to be sent). Thanks to everyone that has replied thus far...
Two weeks ago, I presented you all with a brand new style of blogging - the PLOG! I have to say, the response to it was staggering. I have had literally no messages telling what a good idea it was. This isn't some sarcastic fish for comments, I just wanted to say that I have achieved a 'Top Gear' - I aimed high, and failed. I think that could be the first recorded use of 'Top Gear' as a noun in that sense.
Yes, it was another unremarkable week this week, which kind of makes writing a post difficult. Thursday night was another pub meet with my friend Michael. I found out that he's finished at University for the year. Don't these university students do any work anymore? I mean I'll still be working until Friday 21st December this year!
Which brings me to a sad point actually. I only have a few more weeks of work at Chesswood Middle School, until (if I get it sorted out) I have to move onto my third and final university placement. I am really sad to be moving on, as I have had a great time at the school (as I always do), and I will really miss it.
That links me nicely to a school trip I went on on Friday. Well, not really a trip, but I don't really know how to describe it. On Thursday, the deputy head (who is a legend), Dennis saw my and asked if I could take some children to the local church for, and I quote: 'Something to do with Christmas trees.' Armed with, what many people could consider too much information, I walked the three children down to St. Georges Church.
Normally I happily advertise charitable events that I know about. Unfortunatly, it's too late now, as it finished on Sunday. We arrived at the Church for a Christmas Tree festival, and it turns out that the kids had designed and made a load of decorations, and decorated a plastic tree. I know what you're all thinking, a load of childish, poorly made decorations. So was I. What I found was BRILLIANT! I honestly felt that it was the best tree, and not just because I work at Chesswood. The kids had made loads of small school jumpers, a large star for each class, with the class name on, another load of stars with each school trip they'd been on (and they're Year 7 - so that'd nearly every school trip), enough cut out men/ kids (you know, the paper chain kind) to represent every child in the school, and to cap it off - the Head Teacher was the fairy/ angel. Brilliant. So, if you posesses a vehicle capable of travelling back in time (maybe it has a flux capacitor, and the capacity to make 1.21 JigaWatts of power) why not visit the festival, and vote for us!
Our shining star - Our head teacher. I daren't use his name, in case someone important is looking him up...
Friday was also the last day for two of our training teachers (before going back to Uni). They were really good, and we shall miss them. To give them something to remember us by, we gave them both a photo album. Whilst Tracy (one of my colleagues) went around with her camera she took the photo below. This photo then made it onto the school's plasma TV Screen in reception that represents all that the school does. Marvellous...
Welcome to Chesswood Middle School - always thinking about your children (when we're not thinking about cake...)
And that brings us to the end of this post, and to the end of my evening. Before I retire to my bed, I have just enough time to remind you to check out www.ntc.org.uk/HTML to give me some feedback on the new NTC website!
If you haven't checked out the new NTC website, why not click here, check it out, and give me some feedback.
If you have checked out the new NTC website, leave some feedback. Please!
Quote of the Week: 'I have broken out - the emergency tie.' Said I, having put on my emergency that I keep in my car, realising that I had to meet the Worthing Town Mayor at the Christman Tree Festival.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Has anyone got a torch?
Apologies, but due to some personal issues I am going through at the moment, there will be no post this week. To be honest I'm in such a dark place at the moment, I only just found where I put my laptop...
On the bright side, I am currently redesigning the national official website of the Nautical Training Corps. As a political statement, I haven't included any photos in the design yet, as last time, no one offered any photos from the other units in the corps. So have a look over the new website, tell me what you think, not only of the new design, but of my beautiful artwork...
You can see the new NTC website (currently known as the 2008 project) at
www.ntc.org.uk/HTML
See you all next week. Hopefully the sun will come out this week.
Happy December by the way.
Tune of the Month: This is the Life. Amy MacDonald.
On the bright side, I am currently redesigning the national official website of the Nautical Training Corps. As a political statement, I haven't included any photos in the design yet, as last time, no one offered any photos from the other units in the corps. So have a look over the new website, tell me what you think, not only of the new design, but of my beautiful artwork...
You can see the new NTC website (currently known as the 2008 project) at
www.ntc.org.uk/HTML
See you all next week. Hopefully the sun will come out this week.
Happy December by the way.
Tune of the Month: This is the Life. Amy MacDonald.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Hey everyone, it's a PLOG!
Hello all. That's right, we have another CATCOUK original this week. In an attempt to ever stretch the bounds of what is possible with a blog, this week's post is a PLOG! For the uninformed, blog is short for Web Log, and so a plog is short for Picture Log! Yay! You saw it here first. Basically, if I haven't got a photo of it, I'm not mentioning it. So I won't be talking about Siobhan's camouflaged doorbell, you won't hear me speak of a car review of Louise's Skoda (exceptionally heavy clutch - maybe out of a lorry?), and you certainly can't hear about in this week's Year 4 meeting...
We start this week's plog, with pretty much the first thing that I did on Monday morning. Well at work anyway. The school where I work is about to change it's database software, and so they were carrying out a quick check of all our details. First of all, it was bizarre how much they knew about me, that I don't remember telling them. But what they didn't seem to know, was that my car is very old. According to their records, my registration plate begins with an X (meaning that it is just a spritely 7 years old from 2000). Of course, regular readers know that I actually drive a classic 1986 C Reg Ford Escort Estate 1.4 GL in Champagne Gold (they had the colour wrong too...). I must say it was nice though. The reg almost matched my car's exceptionally low mileage of only 1500...
Now, to try and catch the random ramblings of my dull head, I was forced to take some cadid camera shots. After all, it does make you sound a little weird constantly asking 'Excuse me old chap, would you mind awefully if I took your photo?'. So this is our first candid photo. Let me explain the background: it is Tuesday, and in Year 4 it is Saxon Day. All that are working in year 4 (and all the kids) have come dressed as Saxon people. Fortunatly I don't work Year 4 on Tuesday, but my younger colleague and friend (maybe not after this photo) does work in Year 4. Look at the photo again, and judge how much effort Joe managed to make on his Anglo Saxon constume. That's right, he came as the little known Saxon Top Shop till operator (with pashmina...).
Also on Tuesday, a colleague (Linda) and I helped another colleague get her car out of the car park, by playing one giant game of Car Park Shuffle! The photo represents Linda trying to reverse the desired car out of the space, whilst I had removed two cars (out of the way. One being the black Ford in the foreground, and the other a very nice Silver Vauxhall Astra. Both manuals, and both very nice to drive around a small car park. The Focus had very poor visibility though. And that's this post's episode of Top Gear over...
Lastly on Tuesday (I must have been very snap happy), I did my usual towing off TS Sturdy's box trailer. The trailer doesn't have a fancy way of attaching my number plate, so I use the good old trust worthy answer all problems tool: Gaffa Tape (or duct tape to any of my American friends reading). As we all know, if Gaffa tape doesn't fix the problem, use more Gaffa Tape! Unfortunatly, this Tuesday was an exceptionally damp day, where the entire contents of a small ocean fell on the country. Because of this, the trailer was slightly damp, and the Gaffa Tape didn't stick properly. So what did I do - that's right boys and girls - use MORE Gaffa Tape. With the reg plate almost hanging off the back, I limped my way to the trailer's home. And yes, the plate stayed on the trailer. Just.
Thursday saw another school trip, and yet again with Year 5. Not particularly exciting, as it was visiting two churches, and I'm not exactly religious. One of the churches though, had a replica of the Sistine Chapel painting on it's roof. Unfortunatly, no cameras or taking of photos is allowed...
And on to Thursday evening, and I had to drive to Shoreham to teach my Adult Education class in basic IT. Normally parking isn't a problem, but there was some parents/open evening on. Parking became a problem. Now I am quite proud of the places that I can park my car. Not only am I very good with close quarters manoeuvres, but I can pretty much slip my car in anywhere (an no that's not some raunchy double meaning). On this particular night, I parked in half a space between the end of a parking row, and the bins. Not that I wish to discourage comments, but I am already anticipating people saying the my car was parked where it belongs - with the rubbish... My car is a classic alright. And of you just watched tonight's episode of Top Gear, you'll know just how good classic cars can be...
One of the marvellous things about a plog, is that I can slip in completely random photos from the week. Here is a photo of my dear old Mum with some horrible disease. Forget bird flu - my mum's growing cat ears!
This weekend was the annual NTC West Sussex South Regional sleepover. This year, the regional sleepover was attended by no one else in the region other than my unit, the mighty TS Intrepid. Unfortunatly, this meant that I was not joined by my friends and fellow officers from the regions for some intelligent conversation. This meant I only had three of my 'senior' cadets for company once the majority of the cadets were in bed. And I think this photo sums up how exciting that was nicely...
We hold the above mentioned sleepover, in preparation for the NTC West Sussex South Region Rifle Shooting Competition. This (thankfully) was slightly better attended, as we were joined by TS Sturdy, and eventually TS Implacable. Our cadets did very well, winning a few trophies. But I wuld like to say this was all due to my inspiring leadership, as I brought home the overall best score of the day for the officers with a woefully low 136 out of 150 (I remember when you had to score over 140 to be in with a chance...). Our officers team also blitzed the competition, beating both TS Sturdy's team, and the combined team of TS Implaca-urdy. Hence the above photo with the group medal, and my trophy! About time I won that again...
And that was my week in pictures. Sorry you haven't seen the video of last week's Ice Skating yet, but my laptop doesn't want to play ball. As a picture is worth a 1000 words, the word count for this post is around 10 000! Remember, you read it here first - the brand bew concept. Get yourself a PLOG today!
If you hate the idea of a plog, and you think I am just taking the micky out of blogs, why not leave a message saying that you saw past my sarcastic attempt to revolutionise the internet.
If you like the idea of a plog, why not get one today, after leaving a comment, and checking your MySpace, and checking your Bebo, and checking your FaceBook, and checking your...
Quote of the Week: 'Charge!' Althought not a great quote, I had to include this as a story, and although I have no photo of it, it does make a beautiful mind's image. In my finest moment of glory as an Activities Officer in the Nautical Training Corps, I had the cadets lined up at the top of a hill, in the dark, pretending to be covert marines. When I shouted charge, all 15 cadets charged down the hill with me, in a glorious moment of cadet life. But why only a moment I hear you cry? I take about 5 paces at a run, before loosing my leg down a HUGE great hole the size of a small child. As I fall (now in slow motion), and turn, I see that there is just a line (almost a ditch) of deep holes, all across the course of the cadets now charging down the hill. I try and shout STOP! but it's too late. Like a horrible scene from Saving Private Ryan, and still in slow motion, a charging heard of children steer head long into the holes, slowly falling over and into the deep gorges of the Earth... How no one was injured, I do not know.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
More stress, more disorganisation... probably
Good evening one and all! As I sit here on this rather damp, windy, and cold Sunday evening, I think you'll all be pleased to hear that I can't think of a single thing to write about. No really - not a sausage. To be absolutly honest, I'd much rather watch old re-runs of Red Dwarf on Dave (no, not some bizarre projection on the chest of my friend Comedic Dave, but Dave the digital TV channel). But, as y'all took the time to direct your web browsers to catcouk.blogspot.com (or FaceBook), I suppose I can through out some old crap, and see if it comes together to make a coherent post (although let's be honest, it's not usually coherent).
A huge thanks from me to all of the parents that drove and helped us out on this trip. I really appreciate it guys!
This week really has been quite stressful and disorganised for me. It all started with Monday, when, after breaking her ankle, I had to transport Mum to Wimbledon to see her barrister. For those of you that don't know, Mum is disabled with a back problem. For legal reasons, I can't say that this only happenned after an accident at work, because this has yet to be proven. I also can't say just how useless the legal firm is, although the barrister was brilliant, and seemed very on the ball.
He seemed especially on the ball, when I bourght a £1 packet of chocolate buttons when I stepped out of the meeting to help Mum to the loo. I went back into the meeting (pushing wheel chair clad Mum), and offered the packet around. I sat there quite gleefully, not happily munching away at my chocolate buttons, whilst the technical legal things continued. And as they continued, and the buttons slowly disappeared down my gullet, the barister kept eyeballing my packet (sharp intake of breath for those of you that get the double meaning) of chocolate buttons. When the meeting finished, many comments were made about never seeing so many buttons being eaten in one meeting before, and how the packet was empty...
But this dragged on a bit, and I was nearly late back for band practice. A band practice that I was running (despite the fact that I definatly have nothing to do with running the band anymore). Made worse by the fact that I had not been sent a important list from the bandmasters telling me who is going to play what instrument. So, quite literally, the rest of the evening was played by ear...
The week pretty much continued along this theme. And for some reason, I have lost alot of my organisation skills lately. To most people this isn't a huge problem, but when you are the Activities Officer of a large NTC unit (note that I can now use the term LARGE - 32 Cadets, and 6 Officers) this becomes something of a problem. Big apologies to Graham for making his life a misery, and not getting all the right paperwork/ information to him. Despite this, today's (Sunday's) trip went off without a hitch.
Well, as without a hitch as an Ice Skating trip can go with me involved. I was also very impressed with the Royal Naval Submarine Museum. As usual the cadets of TS Intrepid and TS Sturdy were well behaved, and did us proud. Until we walked near a visiting unit of Sea Cadets, dressed up very neatly, in full RN Waterproofs. They looked very smart, and that just goes to show the difference that external funding can make.
Who needs a minibus, when you've got lots of really helpful parents, and a convoy of cars. We do!
But this trip was one of those trips when I really really really wish that TS Intrepid had a minibus. It was thrashing down with liquid sunshine, and we had to have lunch in vehicles. Whilst Sturdy sat comfortably all together in their minibus, Intrepid sat in 5 different cars, squashed in the back seats, stuffing their faces with food. I'm sure I have said this on a few occasions, but this time I really mean it. Although our convoy style does work well, I WANT A MINIBUS!!!!
A huge thanks from me to all of the parents that drove and helped us out on this trip. I really appreciate it guys!
I would have had a video for you all to laugh at of me woefully trying to Ice Skate. But unfortunatly my camera doesn't want to play ball. So you'll just have to wait until next week.
Boxing - well you try and think of a caption involving towing a box trailer.
Before I go, I would like to bring up two points. Above is a photo of my most amazing 1986 Ford Escort towing TS Sturdy's box trailer. On Tuesday evenings, I help out at their band, and I now tow their trailer home. Ernie can tow that... Secondly, I would like to point out that we do have a group on FaceBook. I was browsing through it the other day, and noticed several people had added stuff. So, if you think I've missed something, or have a photo of something that goes on in CATCOUK, why not put it in the group?
This has been the multi-award failing blog CATCOUK.
If you think that this post represents nicely how disorganised I am this week, why not leave a comment, starting your comment with the word 'Loser'.
If you think that this was yet another high quality post, why not try reading the post again, and actually read it this time.
Quote of the Week: I haven't got one - talk about disorganised...
Monday, November 12, 2007
Return of the ramblings...
Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been 2 weeks since my last (proper) post...
I should explain that I am in no way shape or form, religious in any sense of the word. So, I have never been to a confessional, and I'm not Roman Catholic. I was merely using this as a dramatic entrance. A dramatic entrance that I have now ruined by explaining it. Marvellous.
Okay, so I haven't been able to post for a while. I would like you all to think that this was to show you what happens when people don't leave comments after reading. Well that's what I want you to believe, but the truth is very different.
As it's been two weeks, you'd think that I have loads of stuff to write about, but unfortunatly my ol' grey matter don't work that well, so half of the stuff you could have been reading about has been lost in the depths of my empty head somewhere. And alot of the other stuff that happens is quite frankly duller than the contents of my brother's head. I mean seriously, who wants to read that my life is so exciting that for the last few days, I have been looking research into flat rental, despite the fact that I'm not thinking of moving out for two to three years! I mean really, how dull is my life at times?
But I have managed to remember enough stuff to put together an almost coherent blog, that might actually be of interest. So enough gabbling around the issue. Just why in the name of all that's the Monty Cat (and that's ALOT of cat), was there nothing good on CATCOUK last week? Well it all started in late August, when a good friend of mine, and fellow NTC officer, Graham, said that he was running a shuffleboard evening, and I agreed to run the evening for them. Just a few short months later, on a dark and cold Sunday night, and I was sitting in Lavant Village Hall running said fundraising event.
By the time I got home, and realised that Top Gear hadn't recorded, and it was 11 O'Clock. With Chesswood the next morning, and another late night instore for Monday, I went to bed. Monday was of course bonfire night, and Bonfire night, we supported TS Implacable by forming the West Sussex South Regional Marching Band, to lead 10 000 or so people for the Guildford Torchlight Procession.
This is always an amazing night every year, but this year was extra specially... er... special. To start with, I am currently playing the side drum, although I just fill in where I am needed really. Our sister ship, Implacable raise more money than they know what to do wth it seems at times. They had just bought a set of drum sticks for the band. Nothing odd about that, you need drum sticks in a marching band. But these were no ordinary drum sticks - they glowed blue!
They looked amazing, but to be fair, were an absolute pain the arse to play. Made of clear lexan, the sticks were a little bit bendy, making them difficult to play with anyway. But this was made worse by the fact, that they weren't balanced very well. To play well, you need to hold the sticks at their balancing point. But because these sticks had batteries (hearing aid style) in the end, they were exceptionally heavy at the end. This meant the balancing point was virtually the end of the stick, leading to playing sticks that are essentially 50% longer than normal. I got about half way through the parade, and I honestly thought my wrists were going to fall off!
The second bit of fun that I had at Guildford was driving. The parade finished in the middle of a large recreation ground, but started in Guildford town centre. Whilst Implacable's minibus follows the band in the parade (normally, when it's not being repaired by the RAC like this year), any support cars, and Intrepid's minibus (well convoy of cars, we don't have a minibus... but if you have a minibus, and you would like to donate it to a youth group in Lancing, leave a message...), all of the cars have to be at one end of the other. So we take all the cars to the field first, then one person drives back to the start with the drivers. I offered to drive (as I like driving), so I would make the trip three times.
Getting across the field was less than easy. With throngs of people gathering to watch, getting cars through was difficult. As with every year, I put my hazard lights on, and switched on the main beams to blind everyone. Add this to the robust grunt of my mighty Escort (alright, rattly purr anyway), and you would think people would get out the way. But instead people prefer to pretend to be deers in the headlights and just stand there. As I am crawling along, potentially going to be late for the start of the parade, I glance across at my dash board, where I see my American Emergency Services blue flashing light. I think you can see where this is headed.
Being off the public road and in a park, it was perfectly legal for me to use it! Hurrah! And you'd be suprised what a difference it made. Getting back (once the other cars were dropped off, and I had the drivers in my car) was much easier. People were almost activly getting out of the way. The parade happenned, and I hitched a lift back to my car. I had to drive accross the field again to pick the cadets. So once again, the magnetic blue light ended up on the roof, and I crawled accross the field. The cadets, and fellow officers thought this was hillarious, but the story doesn't end there.
I parked up, removed the light from my roof, opened the boot, and started loading stuff. As I was loading my drum, I noticed a figure approaching me in a bright yellow jacket, wearing a policeman's helmet.... I imagine at this point, you're all thinking the same as the NTC mob were thinking: 'Andy's gonna get nicked'. Of course, I know that I haven't broken the law, but you're never quite so sure of yourself when you have the long arm of the law bearing down on you.
Unfortunatly, I can't tell you what happenned next for legal reasons.
Anyways, Wednesday was pretty dull. Only joking. The Policeman asked if I used the light on the road. I replied with a slight chuckle, no, that would be illegal. He said that was great, but why was I using it this evening. To get the crowds out the way was the answer, and said that was fair enough, and told me to carry on. Marvellous. I do support the Police. They have a pretty thankless task, and they are in trying to keep our streets safe. Support your local constabulary kids. If you get knicked, you probably did something wrong anyway.
I should explain that I am in no way shape or form, religious in any sense of the word. So, I have never been to a confessional, and I'm not Roman Catholic. I was merely using this as a dramatic entrance. A dramatic entrance that I have now ruined by explaining it. Marvellous.
Okay, so I haven't been able to post for a while. I would like you all to think that this was to show you what happens when people don't leave comments after reading. Well that's what I want you to believe, but the truth is very different.
As it's been two weeks, you'd think that I have loads of stuff to write about, but unfortunatly my ol' grey matter don't work that well, so half of the stuff you could have been reading about has been lost in the depths of my empty head somewhere. And alot of the other stuff that happens is quite frankly duller than the contents of my brother's head. I mean seriously, who wants to read that my life is so exciting that for the last few days, I have been looking research into flat rental, despite the fact that I'm not thinking of moving out for two to three years! I mean really, how dull is my life at times?
But I have managed to remember enough stuff to put together an almost coherent blog, that might actually be of interest. So enough gabbling around the issue. Just why in the name of all that's the Monty Cat (and that's ALOT of cat), was there nothing good on CATCOUK last week? Well it all started in late August, when a good friend of mine, and fellow NTC officer, Graham, said that he was running a shuffleboard evening, and I agreed to run the evening for them. Just a few short months later, on a dark and cold Sunday night, and I was sitting in Lavant Village Hall running said fundraising event.
By the time I got home, and realised that Top Gear hadn't recorded, and it was 11 O'Clock. With Chesswood the next morning, and another late night instore for Monday, I went to bed. Monday was of course bonfire night, and Bonfire night, we supported TS Implacable by forming the West Sussex South Regional Marching Band, to lead 10 000 or so people for the Guildford Torchlight Procession.
This is always an amazing night every year, but this year was extra specially... er... special. To start with, I am currently playing the side drum, although I just fill in where I am needed really. Our sister ship, Implacable raise more money than they know what to do wth it seems at times. They had just bought a set of drum sticks for the band. Nothing odd about that, you need drum sticks in a marching band. But these were no ordinary drum sticks - they glowed blue!
They looked amazing, but to be fair, were an absolute pain the arse to play. Made of clear lexan, the sticks were a little bit bendy, making them difficult to play with anyway. But this was made worse by the fact, that they weren't balanced very well. To play well, you need to hold the sticks at their balancing point. But because these sticks had batteries (hearing aid style) in the end, they were exceptionally heavy at the end. This meant the balancing point was virtually the end of the stick, leading to playing sticks that are essentially 50% longer than normal. I got about half way through the parade, and I honestly thought my wrists were going to fall off!
The second bit of fun that I had at Guildford was driving. The parade finished in the middle of a large recreation ground, but started in Guildford town centre. Whilst Implacable's minibus follows the band in the parade (normally, when it's not being repaired by the RAC like this year), any support cars, and Intrepid's minibus (well convoy of cars, we don't have a minibus... but if you have a minibus, and you would like to donate it to a youth group in Lancing, leave a message...), all of the cars have to be at one end of the other. So we take all the cars to the field first, then one person drives back to the start with the drivers. I offered to drive (as I like driving), so I would make the trip three times.
Getting across the field was less than easy. With throngs of people gathering to watch, getting cars through was difficult. As with every year, I put my hazard lights on, and switched on the main beams to blind everyone. Add this to the robust grunt of my mighty Escort (alright, rattly purr anyway), and you would think people would get out the way. But instead people prefer to pretend to be deers in the headlights and just stand there. As I am crawling along, potentially going to be late for the start of the parade, I glance across at my dash board, where I see my American Emergency Services blue flashing light. I think you can see where this is headed.
Being off the public road and in a park, it was perfectly legal for me to use it! Hurrah! And you'd be suprised what a difference it made. Getting back (once the other cars were dropped off, and I had the drivers in my car) was much easier. People were almost activly getting out of the way. The parade happenned, and I hitched a lift back to my car. I had to drive accross the field again to pick the cadets. So once again, the magnetic blue light ended up on the roof, and I crawled accross the field. The cadets, and fellow officers thought this was hillarious, but the story doesn't end there.
I parked up, removed the light from my roof, opened the boot, and started loading stuff. As I was loading my drum, I noticed a figure approaching me in a bright yellow jacket, wearing a policeman's helmet.... I imagine at this point, you're all thinking the same as the NTC mob were thinking: 'Andy's gonna get nicked'. Of course, I know that I haven't broken the law, but you're never quite so sure of yourself when you have the long arm of the law bearing down on you.
Unfortunatly, I can't tell you what happenned next for legal reasons.
Anyways, Wednesday was pretty dull. Only joking. The Policeman asked if I used the light on the road. I replied with a slight chuckle, no, that would be illegal. He said that was great, but why was I using it this evening. To get the crowds out the way was the answer, and said that was fair enough, and told me to carry on. Marvellous. I do support the Police. They have a pretty thankless task, and they are in trying to keep our streets safe. Support your local constabulary kids. If you get knicked, you probably did something wrong anyway.
So that explains why I didn't blog Sunday and Monday, but why the prolonged delay? My mobile phone has given up he ghost, and I have spent the rest of the week trying to sort that out. I don;t mind so much, but I need that phone for NTC purposes. God knows what information I have missed. Apologies to all that have tried to contact me, and failed. Hopefully my phone is being replaced this week. Find out next week, only on CATCOUK (if I actually post something...).
The other point of note, before it's time to climb back into my box for another week, this week at Chesswood was cycling profficiancy week. Being the outdoor loving mug, I offered to help out. It was actually quite enjoyable, and I do love being in the fresh air. But it was staggering just how useless some of these kids were. Alot of them were fine, but some of them... oh boy. In their own little worlds. Snaking about all over the roads, just generally having a merry old time. Even their eyes looked a little glazed over. You wouldn't think 10 year olds would be stoned in the middle of a school day would you. As Jimmy Carr said: Where do school children get their drugs from - A SUPPLY teacher...
I should clear up that the kids weren't not under the influence of drugs, and CATCOUK does not condone the use of recreation drugs.
Lovely jubbly. Hopefully this was a better post, and Paul T from Sussex won't feel the need to leave a message complaining. But at least he left a message! See you all next week.
If you have a minibus, and would like to donate it to Training Ship Intrepid, Nautical Training Corps, why not leave a message starting your message with the make, model and year.
If you have a minibus, but don't want to donate it, why not leave the keys in the ignition, and then leave a message starting your message with the address where you park your bus (even if you don't want to leave the keys, were all from Lancing, so we could probably just hotwire it, but the keys would make it much easier).
If you don't have a minibus, why not leave a comment, starting your message with the ammount you would like to donate so that we can buy our own...
Quote of the Week: 'When I was a girl, I used to pinch my brother's purple chopper,' said Nikki. For those of you that didn't get the double meaning, she was just talking about her brothers chopper BIKE when we were helping at cycling profficiancy.
Song of the Month: Knights of Cydonia. Muse.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
More disappointments
Sorry boys and girls. I was going to write this week's post tonight, but now my phone has gone on the blink, and I have had to spend all evening trying to get my old old phone going. I must say, Nokias are incredibly reliable. Since I bought my old Nokia 3510 in 2002, I have owned 3 other phones (including my current one). They have all broken, but my old Nokia is still going strong.
Bloomin' Sony Ericsson. I am less than a happy bunny.
But I don't want to leave you guys completely bored. So instead, you have four choices:
1. You can watch the routine of TS Intrepid's Marching Band (of which I am a side drummer - the drummer with the gold buttons on my jacket) by going to www.ntc.org.uk/intrepid/video.
2. You can watch a clip video of the recent NTC National Band Competition (again, I am the side drummer in TS Intrepid with gold buttons), and you can find this video at www.ntc.org.uk/intrepid/video.
3. You can watch both videos by going to www.ntc.org.uk/intrepid/video.
4. You can complain that this post was too short, by leaving a comment below.
See you all next week.
If you have chosen option 4, leave a message after the beep.
If you have chosen options 1, 2 or 3, leave a message about how stupid/ handsome you think I look after the beep.
Quote of the Week: 'Into three's!!!' Shouts a distressed Ch/O Stuart Ginnaw (West Sussex South regional band director), as he notices the massed bands of TS Intrepid, TS Implacable, and TS Sturdy are too wide to fit down a very narrow, very dark track... Breath in!
Beep.
Bloomin' Sony Ericsson. I am less than a happy bunny.
But I don't want to leave you guys completely bored. So instead, you have four choices:
1. You can watch the routine of TS Intrepid's Marching Band (of which I am a side drummer - the drummer with the gold buttons on my jacket) by going to www.ntc.org.uk/intrepid/video.
2. You can watch a clip video of the recent NTC National Band Competition (again, I am the side drummer in TS Intrepid with gold buttons), and you can find this video at www.ntc.org.uk/intrepid/video.
3. You can watch both videos by going to www.ntc.org.uk/intrepid/video.
4. You can complain that this post was too short, by leaving a comment below.
See you all next week.
If you have chosen option 4, leave a message after the beep.
If you have chosen options 1, 2 or 3, leave a message about how stupid/ handsome you think I look after the beep.
Quote of the Week: 'Into three's!!!' Shouts a distressed Ch/O Stuart Ginnaw (West Sussex South regional band director), as he notices the massed bands of TS Intrepid, TS Implacable, and TS Sturdy are too wide to fit down a very narrow, very dark track... Breath in!
Beep.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
HTTP 404 ERROR
The post you are looking for could not be found. Please try again on Wednesday.
Ironically, I'm not even typing this from my laptop, as I want it working solidly on something else. See you Wednesday gang, for a super late post!
Ironically, I'm not even typing this from my laptop, as I want it working solidly on something else. See you Wednesday gang, for a super late post!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Less Top Gear, and more Reverse Gear
I need to start this week's post, with two statements. Firstly, I spend litterally seconds writing this bull every week, and not a single one of you beggars could spare a few ticks to leave a comment. Secondly, as I said last week, not everything gets into the blog, so don't moan at me when I miss something out. Holly. I won't say anything more.
Today (Sunday) has been quite stressful. Not just because still no one has left a comment on last week's post, but it was the Nautical Training Corps' National Band Colour & Fanfare Competition (Band Contest). This once again means me getting stressed making sure that we have everything, and even more stressed when our flippin' bandmaster turns up 20 minutes late (especially when it was the first time she had driven herself there...)!
But never mind. After 4 weeks of long practice, I knew what to expect. I am afraid to say that some of our cadets had a bad attitude this year. That's not to say all of them. Most of the newer cadets that haven't been in a contest before were brilliant. But (he said shaking his head) there was such a feeling of arrogance and cockiness this year. But how did we get on. Later on in the week, I'll post it on YouTube. Not that any of you will bother to comment on it.
As I said earlier, and in my last post, not everything makes it in CACTCOUK. So Holly, when we have lunch, and I don't mention it, don't get all uppety the next time we have lunch. Especially when you hadn't read my statement from last week. So, just for that, I'm not going to mention that we had lunch on Friday from this week either... After all, you didn't even make a comment.
Damn. I think I mentioned it there didn't I?
But what of my interesting and mystic title this week. Well, firstly an apology. Because of today's events, this is a conveniently short post. I don't apologise for this, but I do apologise for the post's replacement. This week, at 1614 on Monday 22nd October 2007, my 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate in champagne gold (Ernie the Escort), hit, for the first time, 100 thousand miles. The original car owners must have thought this impossible, as they didn't leave enough digits on the odometer (clock that counts the miles). At 100 thousand, the car 'went around the clock' back to 00000. Maybe you have a similar car, and would like to comment on this?
To celebrate this momentus fact, I have produced a small video, in something of a Top Gear style. And this is where the apology comes: you're going to need a free 9 minutes. Well, it's a big thing, and I feel that Ernie deserves it. So I challenge you to watch it, and celebrate with us. Although, as most of my readers are too lasy to leave a comment, I suppose clicking here or on the link below would be too much effort too. Not that I mind that much this time. After just 5 days on YouTube, my video has had 95 views (mainly Escort buffs)!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBWyF8sH-34
So I challenge you to watch histort in action. And maybe, if your a member on YouTube, you might think about leaving a comment...
So that's it from me this week. Except to say, in the briefest of possible fashions, that the multi-award winning marching band of TS Intrepid NTC, won... nothing. Well, not quite true. Our Drum Major (person who stands at the front with a big stick) won best in her class. But not satisified with that, after just 4 weeks practice, our amazing drum major was judged to be the best on the day, also making her the best Drum Major in the Nautical Training Corps! Bloomin' well done! Also well done to TS Sturdy for winning there class, and to TS Implacable for coming joint second in the top class (both our sister ship doing well to keep our region up...).
And, in Top Gear fashion, on that Bombshell, it's time to end the show (well alright, post). Goodnight!
If you didn't like this post, why not leave a comment.
If you liked this post, why not leave a comment.
If you read this post, why not leave a comment.
If you drive a car, why not leave a comment.
If you walk alot, why not leave a comment.
If you are a man, why not leave a comment.
If you are a woman, why not leave a comment (and if your attractive, and aged 19-22, a phone number as well...).
Heck, if you a human being or an animal or just capable of mashing the keyboard with your hands, WHY NOT LEAVE A FRIGGIN' COMMENT!
I think I got away without over pushing the comment issue...
Quote of the Week: (Yes Holly, you made it) 'Popping in Shompy' said a mis-spoken Holly trying to describe her afternoon of planned events to go Shopping, in Pompey. I was going to put in a quote from the band contest, but oddly enough, after winning 0 trophies, TS Intrepid wasn't mentioned that much...
Today (Sunday) has been quite stressful. Not just because still no one has left a comment on last week's post, but it was the Nautical Training Corps' National Band Colour & Fanfare Competition (Band Contest). This once again means me getting stressed making sure that we have everything, and even more stressed when our flippin' bandmaster turns up 20 minutes late (especially when it was the first time she had driven herself there...)!
But never mind. After 4 weeks of long practice, I knew what to expect. I am afraid to say that some of our cadets had a bad attitude this year. That's not to say all of them. Most of the newer cadets that haven't been in a contest before were brilliant. But (he said shaking his head) there was such a feeling of arrogance and cockiness this year. But how did we get on. Later on in the week, I'll post it on YouTube. Not that any of you will bother to comment on it.
As I said earlier, and in my last post, not everything makes it in CACTCOUK. So Holly, when we have lunch, and I don't mention it, don't get all uppety the next time we have lunch. Especially when you hadn't read my statement from last week. So, just for that, I'm not going to mention that we had lunch on Friday from this week either... After all, you didn't even make a comment.
Damn. I think I mentioned it there didn't I?
But what of my interesting and mystic title this week. Well, firstly an apology. Because of today's events, this is a conveniently short post. I don't apologise for this, but I do apologise for the post's replacement. This week, at 1614 on Monday 22nd October 2007, my 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate in champagne gold (Ernie the Escort), hit, for the first time, 100 thousand miles. The original car owners must have thought this impossible, as they didn't leave enough digits on the odometer (clock that counts the miles). At 100 thousand, the car 'went around the clock' back to 00000. Maybe you have a similar car, and would like to comment on this?
To celebrate this momentus fact, I have produced a small video, in something of a Top Gear style. And this is where the apology comes: you're going to need a free 9 minutes. Well, it's a big thing, and I feel that Ernie deserves it. So I challenge you to watch it, and celebrate with us. Although, as most of my readers are too lasy to leave a comment, I suppose clicking here or on the link below would be too much effort too. Not that I mind that much this time. After just 5 days on YouTube, my video has had 95 views (mainly Escort buffs)!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBWyF8sH-34
So I challenge you to watch histort in action. And maybe, if your a member on YouTube, you might think about leaving a comment...
So that's it from me this week. Except to say, in the briefest of possible fashions, that the multi-award winning marching band of TS Intrepid NTC, won... nothing. Well, not quite true. Our Drum Major (person who stands at the front with a big stick) won best in her class. But not satisified with that, after just 4 weeks practice, our amazing drum major was judged to be the best on the day, also making her the best Drum Major in the Nautical Training Corps! Bloomin' well done! Also well done to TS Sturdy for winning there class, and to TS Implacable for coming joint second in the top class (both our sister ship doing well to keep our region up...).
And, in Top Gear fashion, on that Bombshell, it's time to end the show (well alright, post). Goodnight!
If you didn't like this post, why not leave a comment.
If you liked this post, why not leave a comment.
If you read this post, why not leave a comment.
If you drive a car, why not leave a comment.
If you walk alot, why not leave a comment.
If you are a man, why not leave a comment.
If you are a woman, why not leave a comment (and if your attractive, and aged 19-22, a phone number as well...).
Heck, if you a human being or an animal or just capable of mashing the keyboard with your hands, WHY NOT LEAVE A FRIGGIN' COMMENT!
I think I got away without over pushing the comment issue...
Quote of the Week: (Yes Holly, you made it) 'Popping in Shompy' said a mis-spoken Holly trying to describe her afternoon of planned events to go Shopping, in Pompey. I was going to put in a quote from the band contest, but oddly enough, after winning 0 trophies, TS Intrepid wasn't mentioned that much...
Sunday, October 21, 2007
The week I tried to escape Man-Flu (and almost succeded)
We can all relax now. I know that you have all been on edge this week, with the grim news released last week. But it's okay, it's alright. The international emergency is over, and the Disasters Emergency Committee can stand down.
I AM NO LONGER ILL!
Thanks for the litterally... incalculable number of messages and E-mails wishing me well. And by incalculable, I mean... none. Thanks for the sympathy you bunch of....
So this week was mainly full of me being unwell. Fortunatly, it was nothing more than a horrible bug, no sickness or other. Just being bloomin' tired and feeling grotty. Having made all last weekend with my marching band, and managing to order them about for two days, I awoke Monday morning all ready to attack another day at school!
So I jump out of bed energectically 20 minutes early, rush down the stairs, and go straight to breakfast. After my bowl of Frosted Flakes (no Coco Pops, or Frosties at the moment) I rush back up stairs for a shower. Mum takes one look at me and says, 'It's a miracle, you're all better and ready for work!'
I then (for all intents and purposes) fall out of bed, and with a distinct lack of grace, speed down the stairs (although this time was far more to do with the force of gravity acting upon my body), and manage to get a bowl of Frosted Flakes going (still no Coco Pops or Frosties). I then valiantly struggle back up the stairs attempting to start my day's work, when Mum sees me. 'I don't think you should go to work today...'.
And so I moped around the house all Monday, feeling much better by the time I got to the evening. Despite feeling pretty grotty on Tuesday morning, I decided that I would feel better if I just kept going. So to school I did go. And felt very ill all day, having to pop some pills just after lunch to get rid of a horrid migrane. I drove home in a bit of daze, and park up nose first. This is always a sign of me feeling ill. I always park my car in, rear first, so that I can make a speedy get away from the house (handy if I'm running late, or someone should need my 70's cop skills...). But if my car is parked nose first, it means that I am too tired to even park Ernie up properly...
Tuesday evenings, I help my friends at TS Sturdy with their marching band. After a busy and painful day at school, I announced resolutly that I had to get out to Sturdy that evening (despite feeling about as good as my car does on a cold morning). And after falling asleep in bed watching TV at 4 (which again never happens - I hate sleeping during the day, I might be missing something exciting. Well to be honest I just hate sleeping), [After falling asleep at 4] and feeling like I was something brown and squishy on the bottom of someone's shoe, I text Graham, Sturdy's boss, that I couldn't make it. Sorry Graham, and TS Sturdy.
Wednesday was a little better, and by the time I reached Thursday, normak service had practically resumed. Except for a stuffed up nose that is. Every night this week, until Friday, I helped myself get better by getting an early night every night. My intention was to get to bed at 10, and then managed to get around to the business of falling asleep by 11. Which is still an early night for me.
With my illness fully documented, I move on to an important news point of the week. I can exclusively reveal (remember, you heard it here first, only on CATCOUK) exclusively, that Sunday 21st October 2007, saw the first officially cold morning of this Winter season. That's right boys and girls, my 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate in Champagne Gold had it's first morning or not starting first time. After two very long attempts, we finally got ignition, but not before confirming this morning as our first officiall cold day. The first of many which I am sure are to come.
And that nicely brings me to the last topic for today. As I sit here now, my classic Mark IV Escort, Ernie as many of you will know him, is sitting in his parking space outside, with his odometre reading an amazing 99 991 miles. Very soon, possibly even whilst you are reading this, Ernie will do what many people have thought impossible. Certainly my car's original designers thought this was impossible (owing to the fact that the designers failed to give the Mark IV Escort, a sixth dial on the mileage reader - odometre to the informed). My car will achieve 100 thousand miles! No one thought it was possible (any to be fair, we haven't got there yet), but everything looks good, and by the end of Monday, my 21 year old car will have covered his 100 000th mile.
Now, the way I see it, as the clock resets to zero, I must be getting a new car. As Ernie goes 'around the clock', I'm guessing the power of magic will return my car to absolutly brand spanking new condition. But there's only one way to find out. Tune in next week, to CATCOUK.
Just like Columbo (if you know who he is), there's always one more thing to say. A few weeks ago I upset my friend Rob. A few weekends back, I neglected to mention that Rob bought us (Scott, Alice [Rob's girlfriend] and I) breakfast at Little Chef, and then we went looking for Buffalo which used to be kept near Arundel but weren't there. Let this be a lesson to you all - sometimes my exploits don't get put on here. Don't be offended, I just have to go to bed at some point on Sunday evenings. So apologies to Rob. Happy now?
Also, I feel it important to say, good TRI English Rugby Team, but hard luck. And, also good effort to Lewis Hamilton, but his chamionship hopes BROKE DOWN in the end (bloody good come back though).
If you think that I should spend more of my Sunday evenings, writing dribble that will only get one comment, why not be that person, and tell me to put more effort in.
If you would like to have more to read, and think that I should record everything that I do on a minute by minute basis, you are sad, and should not leave a message.
Quote of the Week: 'Ahh. You look worse.' The brilliance of a St. John's medic attending to a friend of mine that was quite ill this week at a gig. Get well soon.
I AM NO LONGER ILL!
Thanks for the litterally... incalculable number of messages and E-mails wishing me well. And by incalculable, I mean... none. Thanks for the sympathy you bunch of....
So this week was mainly full of me being unwell. Fortunatly, it was nothing more than a horrible bug, no sickness or other. Just being bloomin' tired and feeling grotty. Having made all last weekend with my marching band, and managing to order them about for two days, I awoke Monday morning all ready to attack another day at school!
So I jump out of bed energectically 20 minutes early, rush down the stairs, and go straight to breakfast. After my bowl of Frosted Flakes (no Coco Pops, or Frosties at the moment) I rush back up stairs for a shower. Mum takes one look at me and says, 'It's a miracle, you're all better and ready for work!'
I then (for all intents and purposes) fall out of bed, and with a distinct lack of grace, speed down the stairs (although this time was far more to do with the force of gravity acting upon my body), and manage to get a bowl of Frosted Flakes going (still no Coco Pops or Frosties). I then valiantly struggle back up the stairs attempting to start my day's work, when Mum sees me. 'I don't think you should go to work today...'.
And so I moped around the house all Monday, feeling much better by the time I got to the evening. Despite feeling pretty grotty on Tuesday morning, I decided that I would feel better if I just kept going. So to school I did go. And felt very ill all day, having to pop some pills just after lunch to get rid of a horrid migrane. I drove home in a bit of daze, and park up nose first. This is always a sign of me feeling ill. I always park my car in, rear first, so that I can make a speedy get away from the house (handy if I'm running late, or someone should need my 70's cop skills...). But if my car is parked nose first, it means that I am too tired to even park Ernie up properly...
Tuesday evenings, I help my friends at TS Sturdy with their marching band. After a busy and painful day at school, I announced resolutly that I had to get out to Sturdy that evening (despite feeling about as good as my car does on a cold morning). And after falling asleep in bed watching TV at 4 (which again never happens - I hate sleeping during the day, I might be missing something exciting. Well to be honest I just hate sleeping), [After falling asleep at 4] and feeling like I was something brown and squishy on the bottom of someone's shoe, I text Graham, Sturdy's boss, that I couldn't make it. Sorry Graham, and TS Sturdy.
Wednesday was a little better, and by the time I reached Thursday, normak service had practically resumed. Except for a stuffed up nose that is. Every night this week, until Friday, I helped myself get better by getting an early night every night. My intention was to get to bed at 10, and then managed to get around to the business of falling asleep by 11. Which is still an early night for me.
With my illness fully documented, I move on to an important news point of the week. I can exclusively reveal (remember, you heard it here first, only on CATCOUK) exclusively, that Sunday 21st October 2007, saw the first officially cold morning of this Winter season. That's right boys and girls, my 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate in Champagne Gold had it's first morning or not starting first time. After two very long attempts, we finally got ignition, but not before confirming this morning as our first officiall cold day. The first of many which I am sure are to come.
And that nicely brings me to the last topic for today. As I sit here now, my classic Mark IV Escort, Ernie as many of you will know him, is sitting in his parking space outside, with his odometre reading an amazing 99 991 miles. Very soon, possibly even whilst you are reading this, Ernie will do what many people have thought impossible. Certainly my car's original designers thought this was impossible (owing to the fact that the designers failed to give the Mark IV Escort, a sixth dial on the mileage reader - odometre to the informed). My car will achieve 100 thousand miles! No one thought it was possible (any to be fair, we haven't got there yet), but everything looks good, and by the end of Monday, my 21 year old car will have covered his 100 000th mile.
Now, the way I see it, as the clock resets to zero, I must be getting a new car. As Ernie goes 'around the clock', I'm guessing the power of magic will return my car to absolutly brand spanking new condition. But there's only one way to find out. Tune in next week, to CATCOUK.
Just like Columbo (if you know who he is), there's always one more thing to say. A few weeks ago I upset my friend Rob. A few weekends back, I neglected to mention that Rob bought us (Scott, Alice [Rob's girlfriend] and I) breakfast at Little Chef, and then we went looking for Buffalo which used to be kept near Arundel but weren't there. Let this be a lesson to you all - sometimes my exploits don't get put on here. Don't be offended, I just have to go to bed at some point on Sunday evenings. So apologies to Rob. Happy now?
Also, I feel it important to say, good TRI English Rugby Team, but hard luck. And, also good effort to Lewis Hamilton, but his chamionship hopes BROKE DOWN in the end (bloody good come back though).
If you think that I should spend more of my Sunday evenings, writing dribble that will only get one comment, why not be that person, and tell me to put more effort in.
If you would like to have more to read, and think that I should record everything that I do on a minute by minute basis, you are sad, and should not leave a message.
Quote of the Week: 'Ahh. You look worse.' The brilliance of a St. John's medic attending to a friend of mine that was quite ill this week at a gig. Get well soon.
Monday, October 15, 2007
CATCOUK 100
HOORAY! Welcome to the 100th CATCOUK post. To think that just a mere 18 months ago, I could do anything I liked on Sunday evenings, and you lot all had work to do during the week…
Proof! 100 Posts long!
Proof! 100 Posts long!Well, we’ve finally made it. Honest, we have hit the magical 100 this time. To celebrate this fact, I am making a little montage of all my favourite moments (okay, so bits and pieces that I could find), and putting it on YouTube. I hope you all enjoy it… (It will appear as soon as I’ve had time to finish it)
Well, it appears that the 100th post lines up nicely with a delightful cold that I now have. Writing this week’s post has been nothing but a pain in the backside. All I really want to do is sleep. Which is ironic really, because I imagine that anyone that reads this rubbish just wants to fall asleep as well. Is this how some of you get to sleep at night?
Because this week, I had put some considerable effort into a 100th post montage, I thought I could get away without writing much of anything. But to be honest, I have several things I really wanted to bring up. And although I’m ill, I don’t feel the need to bring up my last meal…
At the very beginning of the week, as usual, I was helping in Year 4 science. For the last few weeks, we have been looking at temperature. For the kids to investigate, each table is given 3 beakers of water. Obviously, kids being kids, we don’t do this until the last possible moment (stop fiddling). Each beaker is filled with water at a different temperature: cold, room temperature, and hot.
The class has a tap where we could get room temperature water from, but to get the other water meant a trip to the staff room. Whilst one of my colleagues emptied the water cooler, I set about filling a teapot from our boiler. We hurried back to class, and filled the beakers. Tap water, cold water, then finally my hot water. As I poured it out, I noticed that the hot water was… well not quite normal. As I noticed the colour of the water, I was thankful that I don’t drink hot drinks. What does this look like to you?
Today children, we’re going to see if we can investigate which teacher provided each sample…I told the caretaker, and showed him the photo. He insisted that I had fudged the photo, and that the boiler was filtered. Is it any wonder that there are loads of staff off ill? (and no I didn’t drink any, this must be a cold…)
Wednesday night, I had to work at Adult Ed. Mum had this cold, before kindly passing it on to me, so I covered her shift. To cut (you’ll get the pun in a mo) a long story short, I put a piece of paper, with someone’s details on it, through the shredder. I didn’t realise that I had done this until 9.05pm, about 25 minutes before home time.
You’re now thinking ‘What’s strange about that? Shredding personal details to prevent ID fraud. Data Protection and all that.’ Unfortunately I needed these details, so that I could pass the particulars onto the day staff. Upon the realisation of all this, I rushed to the shredder, and started trawling through it. Fortunately for me, it was on orange paper, so the pieces were rather easy to find.
CSI eat your hearts out – the finished product.After fishing the bits out, I was glad for watching late night re-runs of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (I do like the Las Vegas series). I carefully placed out the strips, and held them together with the weight of my pen on top. I still have no idea what the ladies name is, but we did manage to piece back together the phone number. You know, it’s much harder to do that it looks on TV.
On Thursday, I had once again got myself on a school trip. This was a good one as well (in my opinion). Instead of spending the day in school, we got to take the kids on a walk in the country, along an old Roman Road (Stane Street). We arrived in the car park at the start of our 7140 metre walk (that’s nearly 4 and a half miles), and were surprised that our Deputy Head had not yet arrived. He had taken the minibus several minutes before we left in the coaches, and he wasn’t here.
We tried to phone him, but we couldn’t get through on the number he’d given us. It later turned out to be the wrong number. Our Deputy Head is a great guy, and I don’t know of a single member of staff that doesn’t like him. But is one of the more… ‘senior’ members of staff, and as such, has a bit of a fear of technology. When we returned from the trip, I altered the school’s ‘school trip whiteboard’. We write up important trip details, like phone numbers, and medications… etc.
A method of technology that our Deputy Head is more accustomed to…Also on our trip, and also in the car park, I had other members of staff laughing at me. As I’m sure that anyone that knows me will know (wow, that’s a confusing phrase), I’m normally quite prepared. So naturally, I had come prepared to work in the outdoors. My fellow colleagues thought this was funny. My reply was, ‘Laugh all you like. I’m an Adventure Education student, and I have come prepared to work in the outdoors…’ Go University of Chichester…
Mr. Clarke (I hate being called that) – the Adventure Education professional.And that ends this week’s ramblings. I hope that you are all better than me, and I also hope I’m feeling better next week. Roll on Half Term!
If you are well, and would like to rub it in, why not leave a comment telling me how great it is to be healthy.
If you are also unwell, why not leave a comment telling me your symptoms, and I’ll see if you also have man-flu…
Quote of the Week: ‘Yes ma'am, we did discharge a firearm multiple times. We're okay but the raccoon is dead or at least dying and the duck may not make it, thanks for the concern, good night.’ This week’s quote comes from one of my American friends, Terry Robinson, who also writes on the net. He posts daily, but fortunately never more than a few sentences. If you would like some mild entertainment, why not check out ‘Suburban Adventure’?
Song of the Month: Royal Salute. The combined bands of TS Intrepid and TS Sturdy (sounded amazing on Sunday guys, roll on the Band Contest. 28th October, Burgess Hill Triangle Centre, come an support TS Intrepid!).
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Ha Ha, fooled you.
What have I been chirping on about for the last few weeks? What should this be? Any ideas?
That's right, post 100! But according to Blogger it's only post 99. But that's convenient really. I've been banding all weekend, I feel really unwell, and have since Thursday night (that's right Michael, I'm blaming you...), and so I need the night off anyway.
Check back tommorrow for another thrilling installment, and the 100th CATCOUK post. No, really. I mean it this time.
Honest Indian.
That's right, post 100! But according to Blogger it's only post 99. But that's convenient really. I've been banding all weekend, I feel really unwell, and have since Thursday night (that's right Michael, I'm blaming you...), and so I need the night off anyway.
Check back tommorrow for another thrilling installment, and the 100th CATCOUK post. No, really. I mean it this time.
Honest Indian.
Monday, October 08, 2007
Anyone for a 99?
Good morning/day/evening* all!
*delete as appropriate.
Well, it maybe a day late (and thanks to a late notice), we are now at post number 99! That's right, just one week until the spectacular, no expense spared, 100th CATCOUK post. I bet you are all as excited as me... (or if you have a pulse, maybe even slighty more excited) To celebrate this, the 99th post, I would like to invite you all to have a 99 Ice Cream cone with me at some point during the week. If you see an Ice Cream van, then you should feel free to go and purchase one, and imagine that I am with you in spirit (unless I am with you, in which case we won't be having one, because I am absolutly skint!).
So what's happenned this week then? Well to be honest, I havn't got a clue. I have slept since then. There have been many things that have occurred, and unfortunatly they can only be repeated in front of a more adult audience (watch out soon for Andy Clarke's First Bus to Lancing... a parody of Terry Garoghan's Last Bus to Whitehawk). But lets stumble through this together, and see if we can't end up with a finished product at the end. Here we go...
So Monday... Monday... What happenned on Monday?... Oh yes. Our first band practice of the week. Without Louise (our amazing, valiant, and modest Bandmaster) things never run quite as smoothly. And so, they didn't run very smoothly. But it wasn't completely bad. The way I look at things at the moment, Monday nights are only filling sessions between really productive (albeit stressful) weekends.
And then we merge seamlessly onto Tuesday. An interesting couple of facts about Tuesdays, is that they always lie between a Monday and a Wednesday, and that more often than not, they end in a Y (just like the phrase 'itsy, bitsy, teeney, weeney'). On Tuesday afternoons, I take a class to the local swimming pool for swimming lessons. I then (almost immediately) walk back with the first class. And this is (almost) what happenned this week.
Just as we arrive at the Aquarena (our local pool), the teacher of the class I was walking down turned around and said, 'Have you got Algernon's insulin stuff?' (names changed for child protection reasons). 'Oh dear,' I replied, or words to that effect, 'I had best take a relaxing walk back to school, and fetch it...'. And so I ram. Yes that's right boys and girls, even fat old me can get up a sweat some days. I just wish I had chosen to wear a slightly lighter jacket that day.
I ran back into the school, collected Algernon's stuff, recieved some very funny looks from the ladies on the office, and jumped into the Mark IV, for a burn back down to the pool. With all the speed could muster (something similar to a hurd of antelopes - with broken legs. Well it was in traffic) I wizzed to the pool, and abandoned Ernie in the pool's car park. Alas not a cool 1970's angle, and alas without the new flashing light, but in a parking space. All of this just in time to take the other class back.
And to add insult to injury, our Rambling club that day, with which I usually help, was lacking our leader this week. So, without 1 bold Northener at the helm, we also lacked a minibus. Wherever we went, we would have to walk from the school. So we thought we'd walk through the local parks (a bit of Urban Rambling), and down to the beach. Ironically, just next to where my car was parked. Not that I could collect my car. Oh, no. I had to walk the group back to school, and the get Ernie...
And we fall elegantly into Wednesday, just like a drunk falling in the street. After many weeks of planning and paperwork (and many weeks of annoyning poor Mrs. Varney [Heather] in the office) Chesswood Middle School's first ever climbing club had it's first session! And it went really well. I think all the kids really felt a sense of achievement, and they certainly all had a smile on their face. What a relief - perhaps all the County Council paperwork was worth it...
So we got back to school at 6.30, just in time for me to race home, shovel some food down my neck, and change my shirt, so that I could meet Siobhan at the pub at 8. That's right, I pulled out all the stops. I even put on a 4 year old T-Shirt to go out! We really wanted to play pool, and the first pub we went to was slightly busy. It was football night (and Siobhan and I are equally as excited about football), and unfortunatly the pool tables and the big TV screen share a room. So on to the next pub, which was completely different.
It was like a graveyard in there. There could only have been three other people in there, and two of them were bar staff. A nice quiet pub, no one else after the pool tables, but better yet, Wednesday nights in the Golden Lion was FREE POOL NIGHT! Result. Well my friend Siobhan and I pooled it out hard to a three all draw (we are both pretty special at pool), and then sat and drank for a while. Then I drove her home, and we sat and chatted in the car for an hour and a half (making a small hole in the O-Zone layer above her house, as I didn't switch the engine off for half an hour). Why we didn't go inside is anyone's guess, but I suppose my car is pretty bloody comfortable. And when the street lights switched off, we knew it was probably time to go home. So after a quick 20 minutes star gazing, I eventually stumbled into bed at about 2am...
And then, like a rabbit being hit by a juggernaut at 50mph, it was 5 to 8 Thursday Morning. That gave me just enought time (thanks to Mum waking me up, when I forgot to set the alarm) to run throught the shower, jump into some clothes, and scream to school in my Escort. Obviously, being quite a tired bunny, I was quite looking forward to going home at 3.15. But this is CATCOUK, it's obvioulsy not that easy. I had to take the Girls' Football club to fill in for someone.
Okay lads, I can hear you all laughing. Girls. Playing Football? Well firstly, I play football like a girl anyway, so I'm an obvious choice. Secondly, I thought, 'These are girls interested in football. They'll be better than me'. Wrong. All of those stereotypes that leaped into your heads when I mentioned Girls and Football were spot on. What a nightmare...
And then I finally landed on Friday. Once again, the deputy head (Dennis) asked me to cover the class from hell's games lesson. Actually, they were much better this week. All credit to them. But even so, they are a stressful class to get organised. Oh boy was I looking forward to a relaxing weekend...
Again, this is CATCOUK, not a Disney movie. Loads of stuff happenned, involving me being up to 4am.... and looking after friends. Incidently I bought my first bunch of flowers. The lady that served me (at 10.50pm on my home from a Lions fundraiser) gave me a very funny look. It's no wonder men don't buy flowers often. It was the kind of look as if to say 'Oh aye. He's in trouble, and clearly trying to 'make-up' wink wink, nudge, nidge'. Actually, I was being nice to a friend.
Anyways, Sunday was band again, and all the officers were arguing with me. Being as stubborn as my mother, I held strong, and did what I said I was going to do. So is it any wonder that by then end of the day, I was ready to blow a friggin' fuse? Fortunatly all the kids were gone, and it was only Mum that got it in the neck. Yes, it was a stressful weekend.
Made all better when I woke up this morning (Monday - I'll give you a little bonus for waiting an extra day) and Dad (one of the officers that was arguing - possibly the most argumentative, well he is family) said to me 'Well Done for standing by your guns yesterday, even with me arguing with you constantly. It was all worth it.' Hooray! The old man actually admitted he was wrong, and I had got it right!!!! Ahh, it's going to be a good week (but there's only one way to find out buoys and gulls)...
And on that note, see you all next week.
Quote of the Week: 'It's 1120pm on a Monday evening. Do you really think that I can be bothered to finish off as normal, or remember my real quote of the week, or come up with this month's tune of the month, or add a few photos?' said Andy, rather tired, and a little bit grouchy. Sorry MSN Monday people...
*delete as appropriate.
Well, it maybe a day late (and thanks to a late notice), we are now at post number 99! That's right, just one week until the spectacular, no expense spared, 100th CATCOUK post. I bet you are all as excited as me... (or if you have a pulse, maybe even slighty more excited) To celebrate this, the 99th post, I would like to invite you all to have a 99 Ice Cream cone with me at some point during the week. If you see an Ice Cream van, then you should feel free to go and purchase one, and imagine that I am with you in spirit (unless I am with you, in which case we won't be having one, because I am absolutly skint!).
So what's happenned this week then? Well to be honest, I havn't got a clue. I have slept since then. There have been many things that have occurred, and unfortunatly they can only be repeated in front of a more adult audience (watch out soon for Andy Clarke's First Bus to Lancing... a parody of Terry Garoghan's Last Bus to Whitehawk). But lets stumble through this together, and see if we can't end up with a finished product at the end. Here we go...
So Monday... Monday... What happenned on Monday?... Oh yes. Our first band practice of the week. Without Louise (our amazing, valiant, and modest Bandmaster) things never run quite as smoothly. And so, they didn't run very smoothly. But it wasn't completely bad. The way I look at things at the moment, Monday nights are only filling sessions between really productive (albeit stressful) weekends.
And then we merge seamlessly onto Tuesday. An interesting couple of facts about Tuesdays, is that they always lie between a Monday and a Wednesday, and that more often than not, they end in a Y (just like the phrase 'itsy, bitsy, teeney, weeney'). On Tuesday afternoons, I take a class to the local swimming pool for swimming lessons. I then (almost immediately) walk back with the first class. And this is (almost) what happenned this week.
Just as we arrive at the Aquarena (our local pool), the teacher of the class I was walking down turned around and said, 'Have you got Algernon's insulin stuff?' (names changed for child protection reasons). 'Oh dear,' I replied, or words to that effect, 'I had best take a relaxing walk back to school, and fetch it...'. And so I ram. Yes that's right boys and girls, even fat old me can get up a sweat some days. I just wish I had chosen to wear a slightly lighter jacket that day.
I ran back into the school, collected Algernon's stuff, recieved some very funny looks from the ladies on the office, and jumped into the Mark IV, for a burn back down to the pool. With all the speed could muster (something similar to a hurd of antelopes - with broken legs. Well it was in traffic) I wizzed to the pool, and abandoned Ernie in the pool's car park. Alas not a cool 1970's angle, and alas without the new flashing light, but in a parking space. All of this just in time to take the other class back.
And to add insult to injury, our Rambling club that day, with which I usually help, was lacking our leader this week. So, without 1 bold Northener at the helm, we also lacked a minibus. Wherever we went, we would have to walk from the school. So we thought we'd walk through the local parks (a bit of Urban Rambling), and down to the beach. Ironically, just next to where my car was parked. Not that I could collect my car. Oh, no. I had to walk the group back to school, and the get Ernie...
And we fall elegantly into Wednesday, just like a drunk falling in the street. After many weeks of planning and paperwork (and many weeks of annoyning poor Mrs. Varney [Heather] in the office) Chesswood Middle School's first ever climbing club had it's first session! And it went really well. I think all the kids really felt a sense of achievement, and they certainly all had a smile on their face. What a relief - perhaps all the County Council paperwork was worth it...
So we got back to school at 6.30, just in time for me to race home, shovel some food down my neck, and change my shirt, so that I could meet Siobhan at the pub at 8. That's right, I pulled out all the stops. I even put on a 4 year old T-Shirt to go out! We really wanted to play pool, and the first pub we went to was slightly busy. It was football night (and Siobhan and I are equally as excited about football), and unfortunatly the pool tables and the big TV screen share a room. So on to the next pub, which was completely different.
It was like a graveyard in there. There could only have been three other people in there, and two of them were bar staff. A nice quiet pub, no one else after the pool tables, but better yet, Wednesday nights in the Golden Lion was FREE POOL NIGHT! Result. Well my friend Siobhan and I pooled it out hard to a three all draw (we are both pretty special at pool), and then sat and drank for a while. Then I drove her home, and we sat and chatted in the car for an hour and a half (making a small hole in the O-Zone layer above her house, as I didn't switch the engine off for half an hour). Why we didn't go inside is anyone's guess, but I suppose my car is pretty bloody comfortable. And when the street lights switched off, we knew it was probably time to go home. So after a quick 20 minutes star gazing, I eventually stumbled into bed at about 2am...
And then, like a rabbit being hit by a juggernaut at 50mph, it was 5 to 8 Thursday Morning. That gave me just enought time (thanks to Mum waking me up, when I forgot to set the alarm) to run throught the shower, jump into some clothes, and scream to school in my Escort. Obviously, being quite a tired bunny, I was quite looking forward to going home at 3.15. But this is CATCOUK, it's obvioulsy not that easy. I had to take the Girls' Football club to fill in for someone.
Okay lads, I can hear you all laughing. Girls. Playing Football? Well firstly, I play football like a girl anyway, so I'm an obvious choice. Secondly, I thought, 'These are girls interested in football. They'll be better than me'. Wrong. All of those stereotypes that leaped into your heads when I mentioned Girls and Football were spot on. What a nightmare...
And then I finally landed on Friday. Once again, the deputy head (Dennis) asked me to cover the class from hell's games lesson. Actually, they were much better this week. All credit to them. But even so, they are a stressful class to get organised. Oh boy was I looking forward to a relaxing weekend...
Again, this is CATCOUK, not a Disney movie. Loads of stuff happenned, involving me being up to 4am.... and looking after friends. Incidently I bought my first bunch of flowers. The lady that served me (at 10.50pm on my home from a Lions fundraiser) gave me a very funny look. It's no wonder men don't buy flowers often. It was the kind of look as if to say 'Oh aye. He's in trouble, and clearly trying to 'make-up' wink wink, nudge, nidge'. Actually, I was being nice to a friend.
Anyways, Sunday was band again, and all the officers were arguing with me. Being as stubborn as my mother, I held strong, and did what I said I was going to do. So is it any wonder that by then end of the day, I was ready to blow a friggin' fuse? Fortunatly all the kids were gone, and it was only Mum that got it in the neck. Yes, it was a stressful weekend.
Made all better when I woke up this morning (Monday - I'll give you a little bonus for waiting an extra day) and Dad (one of the officers that was arguing - possibly the most argumentative, well he is family) said to me 'Well Done for standing by your guns yesterday, even with me arguing with you constantly. It was all worth it.' Hooray! The old man actually admitted he was wrong, and I had got it right!!!! Ahh, it's going to be a good week (but there's only one way to find out buoys and gulls)...
And on that note, see you all next week.
Quote of the Week: 'It's 1120pm on a Monday evening. Do you really think that I can be bothered to finish off as normal, or remember my real quote of the week, or come up with this month's tune of the month, or add a few photos?' said Andy, rather tired, and a little bit grouchy. Sorry MSN Monday people...
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Transmission Error
I'm not going to beat around the bush. I've had a long, tiring, stressful weekend, and I just want to settle down and watch the new series of Top Gear. That's right boys and girls, if you didn't see it, you missed Top Gear last night. I hope for your sakes that it's repeated...
Anyways, check back Tuesday, to see if I was up late Monday night. All I will say is this: sometimes, some things are more difficult to achieve than starting my car on a cold day. And that was kind of theme of everything I did this weekend. God bless my marching band...
Anyways, check back Tuesday, to see if I was up late Monday night. All I will say is this: sometimes, some things are more difficult to achieve than starting my car on a cold day. And that was kind of theme of everything I did this weekend. God bless my marching band...
Sunday, September 30, 2007
I appear to be going through a phase of verbal diarrohea... (if that's how you spell it)
As you read this, please appreciate that you very nearly didn't get this on time! Right now, The Shawshank Redemption is showing on Film4 - which rates as one of my favourite movies of all time. So whilst I attempt to watch this great film, recieving an almost unprecidented 5 Escorts out of 5, I will type this week's dose of complete dribble.
I would like to start this week's post, with a quick lookover Monday Night's Band practice. I think I might have mentioned before that TS Intrepid's Band has grown some what in the last year. We now have 18 members (double that of last year), and a metric sh*t ton of wind/ brass players. When we hit one particular fanfare, it sounded like the entire cast of Ghandi was behind me (I'm at the front of the band in percussion - I play a side drum), playing trumpets, and playing them well. The grin on my face, went from beyond my left ear, to beyond my right ear. I honestly couldn't believe that our little band, which I had (with others) built this band up from scratch. Un-blooming-believable. And to continue the broken word theme, fan-blooming-tastic.
I started this week at Chesswood, with the knowledge, of having a pretty good week ahead. Monday and Tuesday weren't brilliant, but on Wednesday, I had my first trip of the week. An exciting excursion to Home Farm (near Goodwood), organised by the Countryside Alliance, to tell us all about farming. There were some quite interesting parts to the day, including my lunch, walking between sessions, and actually, the bee keepinf was facinating. Did you know, that on an average day in the summer, in one bee hive (honey collecting little house thing), there can be up to 50 000 bees?!?!? Other, less interesting sessions, included how to care for cows and sheep, and the exciting world of farm machinery.
Brief pause for Morgan Freeman's first scene. You know, where he's trying to get bail. He doesn't get it.
Here's me at the farm, in front of a load of kids, and a COW!
Giant steps are what you take, walking on the moon - no, I'm not pretending to be Niel Armstrong, I'm wearing a Bee Keeper's headgear.
Anyways, the day wasn't all dull. I was lucky enough to have a bus driver that I recognised to get us there. Well, I'm not sure that lucky would be my choice of word. Don't get me wrong, he's a nice enough chap, just a little... talkative. He started to reverse the bus, so that he could make some space in front to pull out. And as we reversed, we suddenly felt a bump. At the time, I thouht it was just the curb or something, but as we drove off, and I had a chance to look in the mirrors, I saw the school's minibus behind us. Oh dear.
That's right, the coach had shunted the school minibus. And we didn't even stop. As we got to the first set of traffic lights, the driver jumped out, and in true Chinese Fire Drill fashion, ran to the back of the bus, checked the bus, and the minibus, had a quick chin-wag with the minibus driver, and jumped back in the driving seat, just in time to pull away!
No damage done.
And blow me down. Can you work out which bus driver we had for my trip on Friday, to Butser Ancient Farm? That's right. You've guessed it. For the third trip this year!
Now Butser was a much more fun trip. We had a more pleasant bunch of kids, and lots of hands on stuff for the kids to do. A bit of digging in the sand, finding odd itmes (or archaeology as they called it), making clunch - a saxon concrete, making saxon jewellery, and the old favourite - a trip to the gift shop. I often think that the kids would much rather just go around gift shops for their schools trips, rather than do the educational stuff.
Ooh, they're just smuggling in a rock hammer. Hang on. I find that a facinating system.
So, Butser was great fun. It's just a shame that the weather wasn't having such a great day as us. By half one, it was absolutly persisting down with liquid sunshine. It was also a shame that the farm didn't have anywhere indoors that they could teach from. By putting two and two together, you'll get 60 wet children, and 9 wetter adults. Lovely.
But what, I hear you ask, did you do on Thursday? Well my faithful, read on, and I shall tell you. The school were kind enough to pay for, and put me on a course in Off-site, and Educational Visits Leadership. It was a brilliant course. I learnt some new stuff, went over some older stuff, and had a great day.
It's an ad break. Let's really push on whilst the films not on.
At one point in the course, we had to take a walk around the local neighbourhood. The aim was to learn how to cross the road safely, and look at different people's and establishment's methods. But please picture this. 10 adults, two of whom wearing yellow jackets (because I can't spell fluorescent), and marshalling people across the road. We must have looked especially special. I like to think that passers by, would think we were a group like National Road Crossing Enthusiasts Annonymous. Now there's a title for a Monty Python Sketch if ever there was one...
As it turns out, Thursday was a busy day. After the course, I took my first ever evening class. Well, I've attended evening classes before, but never as a tutor. That's right, I'm now a a fully bonefide IT tutor.
Ad breaks over, and they're doing the cell search. I always find it an interesing confrontation between Duphrane, and the Warden. 'But I suppose exceptions can be made'... oh how the Warden will regret that comment.
My first class went amazingly well. I had a class of 6 people, most in their forties/ fifties, and two older people. I have a very, unconvenitional teaching style. At one point, I pointed to the elderly lady in the class, and stated that she obviously didn't need to be in class. She was very clearly a computer hacker, and I could tell from the look in her eyes. And so it went on...
Sorry, Brooks is doing his letter scene. I find this a facinating part of the movie, if not a little sad. Bless the old guy. I wonder what crime he committed to be in prison, he seemed like such a nice guy?
After my evening class, it was time to meet up with Michael and Dominic, for one of our three times a year meet ups. On the cards this year was a trip to a pub on Shoreham Beach, followed by a trip to Subway. Now, I like my subroll to have LOTS of BBQ sauce. And I mean LOTS.
Red (Morgan Freeman) has got his second appeal board. Will he get bail this time?
No.
Anyway, the man didn't muck around. He really did give me lots. Unfortunatly it wasn't the best BBQ sauce in the world. In fact, it must have had something spicey and hot (like Chilie) in it. Oh my dear lord, how it burned. It felt like I was chewing on solid fire. At one point Michael was desperate for the loo, so I suggested weeing in my mouth would help the both of us. It hurt that much, and I was that desperate.
Another day, another pedestrian: The usual view from my beautiful Mark IV 'Pedestrian Killer' Ernie the Escort.
The evening held other joys as well. A bit of pub-science on Beach Green Car Park: can a car keyless entry fob's radio waves travel over mobile phone (we don't think so)? And then there were the joys of 24 hour Tesco. As we sat in the car park, drinking lemonade (no we really were - how cool are we?), I looked at one of them trolley bays, and thought outloud: 'I wonder if I can park Ernie in one of those?' Michael and Dom said no way, and that I'd never do it. Well, that's like a red rag to a bull.
Tesco must be the best supermarket in the world. No this isn't another 'I hate Sainsburys' joke (although I do) - look. Tesco's now offer covered parking for 1986 Mark IV Escorts!
This week, Mum gave me a letter, and said 'This came for you in the post... several weeks ago.' Cheers Mum. I open it up, and find it's my car tax renewel. I knew it was due, and wondered where the letter had gone. So, like every other mug, there I was on Saturday at 10 to 12, waiting to pay my road tax. Marvellous.
And because I like a sense of completion, we go full circle, and finish this week's extremely long post, with another band story. I was particularly miffed on Friday night, as I was going to have to run a band practice on Sunday (10 - 4) practically on my own. I found this especially interesting, as I resigned my position in the band three weeks ago.
Sorry, Duphrane is just explaining how he invented Radall Stevens. My American friend Terry Robinson has a similar friend in Joe Baloke (who I believe had a library card for a while - not quite as impressive as birth certificate, drivers license, and social security number is it Terry?).
But amazingly, even with loads of adults missing, it went off without a hitch. It was a great day, and I am feeling great. It would appear that the band can play music, and the band can also do a display. Now, if we can just play and march together, we might be in with a chance of doing quite well... Join us at the Burgess Hill Triangle Centre on Sunday 28th October, and find out how we do. If you would like to find out more about the NTC's National Band, Colour and Fanfare competition, why not look at www.ntc.org.uk/bands - the NTC's National Band Committee website. I think that's suitable advertised that.
Oooh I like this bit. The Warden gets his own back, for what Duphrane will get away with. Maybe he's not such a fool. He was being obtuse.
Don't forget, just two weeks until our 100th post together. Get your suggestions in for the 100th post special now! See y'all next week.
If you are worried that my verbal diarrohea might be getting serious, why not leave a message telling me to shut my pie hole, and give us all a break.
If you are worried that my verbal diarrohea might be getting serious, why not leave a message, telling me to avoid all medical help.
Quote of the Week: 'It's like, if you walk a mile every day, after 10 days, you've walked 10 miles!' said our Bandmaster Louise, trying to explain how every little bit of practice soon adds up. Yeah, thanks for the basic maths lession Lou...
I would like to start this week's post, with a quick lookover Monday Night's Band practice. I think I might have mentioned before that TS Intrepid's Band has grown some what in the last year. We now have 18 members (double that of last year), and a metric sh*t ton of wind/ brass players. When we hit one particular fanfare, it sounded like the entire cast of Ghandi was behind me (I'm at the front of the band in percussion - I play a side drum), playing trumpets, and playing them well. The grin on my face, went from beyond my left ear, to beyond my right ear. I honestly couldn't believe that our little band, which I had (with others) built this band up from scratch. Un-blooming-believable. And to continue the broken word theme, fan-blooming-tastic.
I started this week at Chesswood, with the knowledge, of having a pretty good week ahead. Monday and Tuesday weren't brilliant, but on Wednesday, I had my first trip of the week. An exciting excursion to Home Farm (near Goodwood), organised by the Countryside Alliance, to tell us all about farming. There were some quite interesting parts to the day, including my lunch, walking between sessions, and actually, the bee keepinf was facinating. Did you know, that on an average day in the summer, in one bee hive (honey collecting little house thing), there can be up to 50 000 bees?!?!? Other, less interesting sessions, included how to care for cows and sheep, and the exciting world of farm machinery.
Brief pause for Morgan Freeman's first scene. You know, where he's trying to get bail. He doesn't get it.
Here's me at the farm, in front of a load of kids, and a COW!Giant steps are what you take, walking on the moon - no, I'm not pretending to be Niel Armstrong, I'm wearing a Bee Keeper's headgear.Anyways, the day wasn't all dull. I was lucky enough to have a bus driver that I recognised to get us there. Well, I'm not sure that lucky would be my choice of word. Don't get me wrong, he's a nice enough chap, just a little... talkative. He started to reverse the bus, so that he could make some space in front to pull out. And as we reversed, we suddenly felt a bump. At the time, I thouht it was just the curb or something, but as we drove off, and I had a chance to look in the mirrors, I saw the school's minibus behind us. Oh dear.
That's right, the coach had shunted the school minibus. And we didn't even stop. As we got to the first set of traffic lights, the driver jumped out, and in true Chinese Fire Drill fashion, ran to the back of the bus, checked the bus, and the minibus, had a quick chin-wag with the minibus driver, and jumped back in the driving seat, just in time to pull away!
No damage done.
And blow me down. Can you work out which bus driver we had for my trip on Friday, to Butser Ancient Farm? That's right. You've guessed it. For the third trip this year!
Now Butser was a much more fun trip. We had a more pleasant bunch of kids, and lots of hands on stuff for the kids to do. A bit of digging in the sand, finding odd itmes (or archaeology as they called it), making clunch - a saxon concrete, making saxon jewellery, and the old favourite - a trip to the gift shop. I often think that the kids would much rather just go around gift shops for their schools trips, rather than do the educational stuff.
Ooh, they're just smuggling in a rock hammer. Hang on. I find that a facinating system.
So, Butser was great fun. It's just a shame that the weather wasn't having such a great day as us. By half one, it was absolutly persisting down with liquid sunshine. It was also a shame that the farm didn't have anywhere indoors that they could teach from. By putting two and two together, you'll get 60 wet children, and 9 wetter adults. Lovely.
But what, I hear you ask, did you do on Thursday? Well my faithful, read on, and I shall tell you. The school were kind enough to pay for, and put me on a course in Off-site, and Educational Visits Leadership. It was a brilliant course. I learnt some new stuff, went over some older stuff, and had a great day.
It's an ad break. Let's really push on whilst the films not on.
At one point in the course, we had to take a walk around the local neighbourhood. The aim was to learn how to cross the road safely, and look at different people's and establishment's methods. But please picture this. 10 adults, two of whom wearing yellow jackets (because I can't spell fluorescent), and marshalling people across the road. We must have looked especially special. I like to think that passers by, would think we were a group like National Road Crossing Enthusiasts Annonymous. Now there's a title for a Monty Python Sketch if ever there was one...
As it turns out, Thursday was a busy day. After the course, I took my first ever evening class. Well, I've attended evening classes before, but never as a tutor. That's right, I'm now a a fully bonefide IT tutor.
Ad breaks over, and they're doing the cell search. I always find it an interesing confrontation between Duphrane, and the Warden. 'But I suppose exceptions can be made'... oh how the Warden will regret that comment.
My first class went amazingly well. I had a class of 6 people, most in their forties/ fifties, and two older people. I have a very, unconvenitional teaching style. At one point, I pointed to the elderly lady in the class, and stated that she obviously didn't need to be in class. She was very clearly a computer hacker, and I could tell from the look in her eyes. And so it went on...
Sorry, Brooks is doing his letter scene. I find this a facinating part of the movie, if not a little sad. Bless the old guy. I wonder what crime he committed to be in prison, he seemed like such a nice guy?
After my evening class, it was time to meet up with Michael and Dominic, for one of our three times a year meet ups. On the cards this year was a trip to a pub on Shoreham Beach, followed by a trip to Subway. Now, I like my subroll to have LOTS of BBQ sauce. And I mean LOTS.
Red (Morgan Freeman) has got his second appeal board. Will he get bail this time?
No.
Anyway, the man didn't muck around. He really did give me lots. Unfortunatly it wasn't the best BBQ sauce in the world. In fact, it must have had something spicey and hot (like Chilie) in it. Oh my dear lord, how it burned. It felt like I was chewing on solid fire. At one point Michael was desperate for the loo, so I suggested weeing in my mouth would help the both of us. It hurt that much, and I was that desperate.
Another day, another pedestrian: The usual view from my beautiful Mark IV 'Pedestrian Killer' Ernie the Escort.
The evening held other joys as well. A bit of pub-science on Beach Green Car Park: can a car keyless entry fob's radio waves travel over mobile phone (we don't think so)? And then there were the joys of 24 hour Tesco. As we sat in the car park, drinking lemonade (no we really were - how cool are we?), I looked at one of them trolley bays, and thought outloud: 'I wonder if I can park Ernie in one of those?' Michael and Dom said no way, and that I'd never do it. Well, that's like a red rag to a bull.
Tesco must be the best supermarket in the world. No this isn't another 'I hate Sainsburys' joke (although I do) - look. Tesco's now offer covered parking for 1986 Mark IV Escorts!
This week, Mum gave me a letter, and said 'This came for you in the post... several weeks ago.' Cheers Mum. I open it up, and find it's my car tax renewel. I knew it was due, and wondered where the letter had gone. So, like every other mug, there I was on Saturday at 10 to 12, waiting to pay my road tax. Marvellous.
And because I like a sense of completion, we go full circle, and finish this week's extremely long post, with another band story. I was particularly miffed on Friday night, as I was going to have to run a band practice on Sunday (10 - 4) practically on my own. I found this especially interesting, as I resigned my position in the band three weeks ago.
Sorry, Duphrane is just explaining how he invented Radall Stevens. My American friend Terry Robinson has a similar friend in Joe Baloke (who I believe had a library card for a while - not quite as impressive as birth certificate, drivers license, and social security number is it Terry?).
But amazingly, even with loads of adults missing, it went off without a hitch. It was a great day, and I am feeling great. It would appear that the band can play music, and the band can also do a display. Now, if we can just play and march together, we might be in with a chance of doing quite well... Join us at the Burgess Hill Triangle Centre on Sunday 28th October, and find out how we do. If you would like to find out more about the NTC's National Band, Colour and Fanfare competition, why not look at www.ntc.org.uk/bands - the NTC's National Band Committee website. I think that's suitable advertised that.
Oooh I like this bit. The Warden gets his own back, for what Duphrane will get away with. Maybe he's not such a fool. He was being obtuse.
Don't forget, just two weeks until our 100th post together. Get your suggestions in for the 100th post special now! See y'all next week.
If you are worried that my verbal diarrohea might be getting serious, why not leave a message telling me to shut my pie hole, and give us all a break.
If you are worried that my verbal diarrohea might be getting serious, why not leave a message, telling me to avoid all medical help.
Quote of the Week: 'It's like, if you walk a mile every day, after 10 days, you've walked 10 miles!' said our Bandmaster Louise, trying to explain how every little bit of practice soon adds up. Yeah, thanks for the basic maths lession Lou...
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