Well, that was a relaxing half term (oh, I mean 'reading week'...)

Relax. No need to cover your ears! This week's 'show' is being 'broadcast' using my keyboard only. You don't have to hear my dolcit tones through your speakers this week!

To briefly cover last week's attempt...

Apologies to everyone. I owe you all 25 minutes of your life back (although I'm sure it's MUCH more if you read this dribble every week). The response was varied, from 'I feel dirty' to 'You had me in tears with laughter'. Not everyone pur their comments on my Blog, some just resorted to that old fashioned method of speaking to me! Thanks to my brother Ian for doing the news, Comedic Dave (to avoid Radio 1 copywright). When we recorded the interview (me and Comedic Dave were in my car, at the Uni car park out the back of the Art block. Yes, there was a skip full of rubbish).

Before we get onto this week (WARNING: LONG BLOG ALERT) I need to cover some house keeping. First off, my digital camera is just about dead - in Monty Python's words, it's an Ex-Parrot (or camera). My pictures from now on are pretty rubbish. Sorry.

Also, the winner of the Mars bar (sorry to all others) was Scott Harris for getting joint top score of 70% on the Bebo October Quiz, and for contacting me first after last week's podcast. Congratulations Scott! We had a lavish awards ceremony on Friday (and after the photo was taken, I nearly walked off with the prize!!!).

Scott wins the OCTOBER QUIZ (only on catcouk.bebo.com)

So, on to this week. I had the week 'off' Uni this week, as it's our version of half-term, laughably known as 'Reading Week'. I have been working flat out over the last couple of weeks, whilst also trying to recover from clinical depression and stress. I know this will come as a shock to the CATCOUK faithful, but it is the truth. So anyways, I'm not after sympathy, you just need to understand that I really needed a rest this week!

Driving home Friday afternoon last week, I sat in my car, and laughed! Relax! This week. Chance would be a fine thing! Here is my week of fun:

Last FRIDAY: TS Intrepid host an open evening. A big event for my youth group, as it was pretty much make or break. It being the case that I'm the general dog's body on the ship (and I do most things) I was racing around like a blue ar**d fly trying to get everything ready in time. Everything was just ready as doors opened at 7.30pm, and I threw my uniform on, so that I could play with the band.

Things calm down after a really succesful evening, and I'm talking with the boss (Commanding Officer Brian). He said to me, 'years ago, he would have been really worried about an evening like tonight. But it was nice not to worry tonight, because I knew my junior officers were taking care of it. Years ago, I would have been running about like a mad man organising it, and it was nice to see someone else doing it for a change!' Yeah - ME! Thanks Brian! You can keep the CO's badge for many years yet...

Sorry Holly, this was why I couldn't come to Shieks that night!

Last SATURDAY/ SUNDAY: I attended an RYA Safety Boat course in Portsmouth (NSTC Lion), whilst my Marching Band (with NTC youth group) had a band training sleepover weekend. The course wasn't stressful, but it was important to take note - I might have to use the knowledge to save lives one day. But after the course was finished on the Saturday, I drove the 40 miles back to Lancing to spend the evening with my band.

I drove 40 miles to get a bad back sleeping on a rock hard stage (that amplified farts into earthquakes - me an my fellow officers were woken up at 5 with the loudest fart in the history of mankind - Hi Shaun). I drove 40 miles to get one of my cadets say to me 'Why aren't you here? We need you! You're out of order and just not committed!' I'm sure you can imagine I had some choice words for him (Hi Sam). I drove 40 miles to then drive 40 miles back the next morning for part deux of the Safety Boat course. I am now a fully qualified RYA Safety Boatman now though. To find out if how the band did, read on...

TUESDAY: Having missed Mum's birthday last Tuesday (busy at Uni, left home at 8am, got back at 10pm) I took Mum down to Gun Wharf Quays, Portsmouth. We also went up the Spinnaker Tower (a birthday treat for Mum - Happy 51st Birthday Moo!).

Happy Birthday Moo (Mum's nickname, whilst I am Roo - AndROO), waiting in the que to go up Portsmouth's Spinnaker Tower. For more happy snaps, check out the album on my Bebo.

THURSDAY/ FRIDAY: Shock Horror! I actually went to University on these two days! I really had to do some work, as I have a 2000 word psychology assignment for next week. And I just couldn't get motivated. Ironice really, seeing as how motivation was the subject of the assignment...

SATURDAY: My friend Rob was down from London (Hi Rob), so we went out for the day with our friend Scott. And then we spent the evening watching Littlehampton Bonfire parade! I eventually got home at 11pm!

SUNDAY: Oh my god. I can't even begin to tell you how stressful Sunday was. The Nautical Training Corps National Band Contest (what the band was practicing last week). Anyone that has ever performed in a competition of any sort will know how stressful that is alone, but I also had to do the PR for this event, so again (like last Friday) I was running around like a headless chicken. But it was worth.

Really I should devote a whole post to this, but I think this makes my point subtly enough:






WE WON! WE WON! WE WON! WE WON! WE WON!
WE WON! WE WON! WE WON! WE WON! WE WON!
WE WON! WE WON! WE WON! WE WON! WE WON!

Point made. All of the hard work paid off. The Marching Band of TS Intrepid NTC had it's most successful contest EVER! In the ship's 45 year history, we have never won so many awards: 7 trophies (there were only 3 we didn't get!): Best Percussion, Best Mallets (bell lyres), Best General Music Effect, Best Display and Showmanship, Best Dress and Turnout (smart uniforms), Best Drum Major (person at the front with big stick), and CHAMPIONS OF NOVICE CLASS with 590 points (4th highest score accross ALL of the bands in ALL of the classes).

The multi-award winning Novice Class champions - 2006: the Marching Band of TS INTREPID. Look - that's me on the right!

Just incredible. 5 weeks ago, we didn't even really have a whole band (only 9 people). Most of all (and I've chanted this all day) I am so impressed with our Drum Major (well done Lizzie). She only JOINED THE SHIP 6 weeks ago! I just asked if she'd like to have a go, and she was 1.25 (that's one and a quarter) points away from winning best drum major out of any of the classes (all above awards are best in Novice Class).

I can't type enough for you to feel my excitement. I am so proud of all of my cadets. Regardless of who takes the mick out of me for doing what I do with the NTC (yes Chris Hodgson [Uni Lecturer] - I mean you!), I am amazed. We even won best percussion with ME playing a drum - what is going on? If I can get some paperwork done, I'll put our performance on YouTube. Brilliant.

So, that was my nice relaxing (ha ha) week away from Uni. I'm now up late tonight telling you, and I'll be sleeping... no I mean sitting and listening intently in a lecture tommorrow. Have a good week y'all!

If you think I'm a wuss, and really, I did have a relaxing week, and I should try working for a living instead of a being a scumbag student, why not leave a comment telling me how much you hate me.

If you understand what I'm saying, and would like to help me 'relax' (females only - not you Abdulha...) leave me a comment starting with 'Relax, don't do it, when you want to go to it'.

SPECIAL: Good Morning Viet Nam (no, I mean Sussex)

As regular bloggers will know, I threatened to create a 'breakfast radio show' podcast (MP3). Well, I have the pleasure of announcing this special edition of CATCOUK. This week's post is downloadable as a 25 minute podcast (with music).

The podcast should be available from Monday morning (but if it's not, try again from Monday evening - I'm not uploading it, a friend is [Thanks to Ian 'Horatio Abdulha' Emery]). So, in true Chris Moyles Show style:

DOWNLOAD THE PODCAST - NOW!

If you can't download this by Tuesday morning, please let me know!!!

Just in case you can't, here's a quick list of what's coming up in today's show (add your own background music...):

Rubbish from me,
Celebrity interview with 'Comedy Dave' (you know that bloke from the Chris Moyles Show...),
And todays most average music for Sussex,
Coming up today, only on Flora 109.2!!

Don't touvh that dial, stay tuned to CATCOUK for more rubbish next week...

A student's life for me

Crikey! Two University themed posts in as many weeks!

Well, as you may have guessed, it's that time of the week again! Another chance to read about the exciting life of me, your amazingly good looking host, Andy (well, I am if you shut your eyes, and think of some one good looking...). Anyways, I would like to tell you an epic story of hardship, late nights, and lots of work. I would like to tell you about student life!

Last week, you heard about life at one end of the spectrum - it's all glamorous nights out, with glamourous people, followed by glamourous trips to the doctor! Unfortunatly, being the sad git that I am, I know nothing of the normal student excitement, for I am chained to my laptop. Well, I do alot of work on it anyway!

One thing that really gets to me (as I'm sure regular readers will know) is working for Sainsbury's on the tills. In fact, I described working on the tills full-time this week as "a fate worse than death!" But Sainsbury's can't be all fun and games... Oh no. I have to wile away the hours of boredom with something productive. Now normally, I'd plan something for NTC, but when it got to 7 o'clock on Thursday evening, I'd planned just about all that I could plan!

Sitting there at the till, slowly contemplating suicide using a barcode reader, I realised that I could do something! I had to hand some work in Friday morning at Uni! So, I tore a blank till reciept off, and started to plan my 'lesson' (for that was the task). A work of genious.

Do you have a reciept for that sir? Another beautifully crafted bit of degree level homework!

Unfortunatly, I couldn't concentrate on my work as much as I'd like to, as these customers kept coming to my till, expecting service! Anyways, when I went home at 10 o'clock, I had a complete plan of what I wanted on the lesson plan, the resourcse that I'd need, how many staff, and what activities I'd be doing (and how long for). Of course, I wouldn't want the lecturers thinking I'd done it the night before, so I typed it up neatly on my laptop, ready to hand in (although if your reading this Matt or Reg, I guess the game's up!).

So that's how I get alot of work done. I do Uni work when I'm meant to be working at Sainsbury's, and I do NTC work, when I'm meant to be doing Uni stuff. It all works! Well, unless you're Sainsbury's, in which case, I guess you're not really getting your money's worth!

Now, another aspect of studentn life, is where we live. I live at home with parents, and get my food cooked/ burnt for me by Mum (cheers Moo if you're reading). As shocking as this sounds, some students have to really 'slum it' as they live in student houses. They're forced to burn their own food, and live in filthy conditions for the year (well, until the landlords clean the houses out spotlessly clean ready for the next year's students!).

But I learnt this week, that one of my friends does not have to lower herself to Student life. To keep this persons identity a secret, we'll call her Siobhan Todd, of Worthing, and the University of the West of England, Bristol (UWE). I think that's kept her name secret enough. Anyways, I should explain that Siobhan does an environmental course, with the Environment Agency. She only has to go to the Bristol Uni for odd weeks here and there.

So, talking to her the other day, and she told me she was at UWE this week. I said in sympathy, did you have to spend the week in halls? No. Student Housing? No. Relatives houses? No. Travel Lodge/ Holiday Inn type thing? No. Siobhan (have I named and shamed her enough yet, not that that is her real name of course...) was put up in a country house/ hotel in the countryside! She didn't even have to cook - it was full board! The Environment Agency pay for it!

Restoration: No bloke from the BBC, but I am refurbishing the roofrack of this 'classic' car.

Now, we're not just talking a farmhouse, or something subtle here! No, no. This is a full-on country manor, that businesses hire out for conferences and the like. Oh poor Siobhan (oop's the name's slipped out again). Well, I suppose all we can do is congratulate Siobhan on her choice of course... It's not like I'm going to Lazarote with Adventure Ed in January for some winter sunshine...

Finally, I'd like your help. As my trusted band of bloggers (that's you if your reading this now - even you Partario Basin, who I have no idea who you are) I listen to your comments. As many of you will know, I drive a very unique car (a 1986 Ford Escort Estate 1.4 GL). And one of the things that makes my car so special, is the very unique roofrack. The roofrack is off of a 1960's Ford Transit Van (and therefore - HUGE!). It takes up the whole length of my roof! I am refurbishing it (getting rid of the rust, and painting it). What colour should I paint it? At the moment, I'm thinking either black (like the Camel Trophy Land Rovers), or Champagne Gold (to match my car's colour). Leave a comment telling me what colour you suggest, anf why.

If you couldn't care less about what colour my roofrack is, because in 6 months you'll have crashed into me, writing the car off, why not leave me a comment warning me to keep off the road?

If you have a crazy suggestion for the colour of my roofrack (or even a sensible one), why not leave me a message, so that I can think about painting it that colour (and before you say it, no I won't be spraying it pink anytime soon...)?

[LEGAL NOTICE: Any names or places used in this post are fictional, and any resemblance to real palces or persons dead or alive is purely coincidental. Even if your name is Siobhan Todd, and you live in Worthing, and study at the University of the West of England, with the Enviorinment Agency, it is just a conicidence. Thank you.]

Adventure Education Social - October

Hello, Bonjour, Gutten Tag, Ola, Kiora, and Bonnet-de-doche! Welcome to another awe-inspiring post from the one and only CATCOUK (yeah right, but the build up was good!)

As many of you will know, I am a scumbag University Student at the University of Chichester, studying ADVENTURE EDUCATION (basically an excuse to go Kayaking and Climbing, but with a bit of theory thrown in...). There aren't many of us on our course (30 per year group), and we organise social events to get to know each year group better. This month, some of the lads in my year decided to organise a male-only trip to 'the clinic'.

For those of you that havn't already cottened on, a couple of my friends have been having some pains in some... personal areas (for those of you that are under 18, they have a cold). University life being what it is, these guys have clearly had a good time (something that I'm missing out on somewhere). Anyways, 3 out of the 4 that live in a house together, decided to go to 'the clinic', after having some discomfort down there (again, if you're under 18, they recently went to Australia). The fourth housemate (not wanting to be left out) joined the band wagon (he really didn't have any problems, he just wanted the trip out... nice).

As word got around, another two bloke from my course (who had equal issues) decided to join the social outing, and this Thursday, they all had a 'clen out' (once more, if you're under 18, it was their nose that was cleaned out). Now, as many of my male readers now sit there with their legs crossed, I have the pleasure of reporting that the all clear was given to all 6 people - no STD's there (lastly, if you're under 18, none of them were allowed to join the Special Tactical Devision in the Army because of their cold).

Normally, I can't attend socials because I work every evening of the week. But this was one social I'm quite pleased I couldn't attend!

Now, on the subject of Adult Games ([sigh] so fo those under 18, this means games like Poker...) a poll came out this week, of the best cars to play... er... POKER! The number one car for this type of... 'activity' is a VOLVO ESTATE (which I drove for 4 months!!!). My readers will be pleased to hear that I can confirm this. A Volvo V70 is a great car for playing adult games in the back - I once played Chess in the back with my friend Louise (but that was all).

Who needs a Jaguar? My cat (Monty) helping to make my Dad feel like he drives a Jag. But he doesn't need to, because this is the award-winning Volvo V70 - the best car for playing 'Doctors & Nurses' in! Think how many stretchers you could get in the boot...

Anyways, the fun of this poll doesn't end there! Oh no. Guess what car came 5th? That's right! A FORD ESCORT (which for those of you that havn't realised by now, I drive!). I'm sure many of my female readers are swooning at the thought of my car's back seats, and I'm open to offers. Just start your comment (below) with - I'D LIKE TO PLAY CHESS WITH YOU. I have to warn all readers though, that my rear suspension isn't that soft...

In the words of the Hoff this week - Jump in MY car! - Me with my Ford Escort - statistically the 5th best car for playing 'Hide the Sausage' in - and look! I've got an Estate! Think how many sauages you could fit in there!

No really, Jump In My Car - I've blown the picture up so that you can see my T-Shirt. To support the Hoff's attempt at No. 1 I wore my Knight Rider T-Shirt. Look! It's the Hoff! (Sad thing is, I took this picture back in May!)

Anyways, that's it from me this week! Shock horror! This week's post was short and painless (just like the Adventure Ed social - so my colleagues assure me....).

If you've enjoyed playing Poker in an Escort, and you feel the findings of this poll was inaccurate, why not leave a comment suggesting that I buy a new car?

If you'd like to test the findings of this poll, why not leave a comment asking for my Dad's E-mail address...?

BEBO UPDATE - October

Hi CATCOUK addicts.

catcouk.bebo.com

New Quiz and a New Poll on my Bebo. The best score on the 30th October 2006 of the October quiz will win A MARS BAR. Get quizzing guys and gals - but not before you read this weeks post - just below.

Smile for the camera!

It's that time of the week again. Another post from CATCOUK, and another hour long read ahead of you (well, I did always read slowly...)

This week, I bring you news of great joy! In the media this week has been alot of stats about Speed Cameras. Obviously, there isn't a single sane driver in the U.K. that actually likes the damned things (and for our international readers, I'm sure other countries hate them as well). In fact, I can provide proof to you, that we as the British public hate the pesky things.

I was driving to Band practice this Monday evening. Part of my route goes along a stretch of dual carriageway that has had many accidents over the years. Quite rightly so, the local council have lowered the speed limit (from 70 to 50mph), resurfaced the road, added other restrictions (like closing junctions, and adding traffic lights). Anyways, these methods have greatly reduced the number of accidents, and you couldn't really call this road an 'ACCIDENT BLACKSPOT' any more.

But not happy with making our life miserable with tax, and eveything else they do, the concil decided to add a speed camera to this bit of road. Without really telling us. I drove along here on Saturday, and there was nothing - not even builders/ or highway men as I think I'll call them. They put this camera up on Sunday apparently. Naturally, I put the anchors on to make sure I'm doing less than 50 (which, for legal reasons, I must already have been doing...).

I drove past this same camera again later in the week. I was prepared for it this time, so I 'made sure I was at speed' (ie slowed down) early. But as I drove past, I noticed the camera looked a little bit odd. On the return journey, I saw that something had happened to the camera! After many minutes of laughter, I realised that the locals had clearly decided to take action on our council's new 'cash fund'.

Smile for (or is that LAUGH AT) the camera: WSCC latest cash fund destroyed.

It turns out, that the camera was burned Monday night, less than 48 hours after it had appeared! The culprit placed a tire around the top of the camera, and then set the tire on fire. Local coppers say that they believe this is the action of a Nationwide group, that go around doing this to cameras all over the country. It's not a local person just copying the idea of other drivers accross the country...

The council say that they will replace this camera, as local people want it. Now I'm no expert, but this camera was burnt down 48hrs. after it was put up. Local people WANT IT?!?! Right.... The council clearly havn't taken the hint on this one.

If you think speed cameras are a good thing, and the 15% of accidents they prevent to stop are worth while, why not leave a comment telling me what a good driver you are (just after phoning the police to try and implicate me in this arson attack).

If you hate speed cameras more than the thought of the 'Hoff' in the shower [shudder], why not leave a comment saying what an excellent driver you are, and that Speed Cameras cause more rear-ending accidents, than they prevent.

[LEGAL NOTICE: CATCOUK and it's editor(s) have in no way participated, nor support the illegal activities involved with the Speed Camera mentioned in this post. Any comments made that sound like support for this kind of activity, are made purely in jest, and readers should respect the law and understand that CATCOUK does not encourage anyone to start burning speed cameras by putting tires around the tops, and setting light to them - think of the environmental damage. If you'd like to discuss this further, or bring me in for questioning, why not leave a comment, starting your comment with "Hello, hello, hello. What's going on 'ere then".]