Hello one and all. Long time no see. I know that I said I would put a pictire of my life drawing... drawings up, but I haven't taken a photo yet. Sorry. And just to clear the issue up - no, I wasn't the model. There is such a things a public health you know - no one wants to see me naked.
As you know, many events happen in my life. Many of those events get discarded away because they are very dull. Take today for example, Mum and I went looking around the local charity shops. We didn't really buy anything, we just like to have a nose at what people are throwing out. Anyways, some events happen that are really blog worthy - and you may have even read about some of them. On rare ocassions, there are things that happen that would make for great reading, and proove what a pathetic life I lead, whilst giving everyone a good laugh, but can't be written about for one reason or another.
This has happened once again. It would make for great reading. Unfortunatly, you'll just have to imagine what it is, because I am a decent gent, that knows when to be discreet. Sorry about that.
On the other hand, I am going to write something very rare - Ernie has yet another problem. I'm gutted - in the space of three months, Ernie's near spotless reliability record has been slashed. This current problem doesn't really count though, because he still works. My engine won't idle (take that to mean what you will) unless the choke is fully out (that's right - an old-school manual choke hath Ernie...). I have no idea what is going on. It's a little like the engine is getting bored - whenever I take my foot off the accelerator, the engine decides to sleep.
Whilst I was driving today, it occurred what is going on. Ernie's engine has developed ADHD. When it's not doing something, it get's bored and does something else. I seeked advice from my Spanish technical advisor (Mr. Haynes Manwell), but ADHD isn't a common problem in engines. If you have any ideas, put your answers on a postcard please.
On a final positive note though, I did discover that the winderful garage that is W. Jones and Sons of Bognor (a.k.a. the miracle workers) have kept stamping my service book. It's rare to find a car as old as Ernie with the original owner's manual, original stereo manual, and service book. But I have a complete sevice book! That's right, Ernie has a Full Service History (FSH). However, the book is nearly full now. I am thinking of writing to Ford, explaining that I have completed my service book. Could I know please have a new one?
My dad suggested that there might be a prize for completing the stamp book. I'm hoping that it's a Transit van!
Goodnight.
Monday, March 09, 2009
Monday, March 02, 2009
100 truths (yep, it's one of those bloomin' chain mail things...)
Well, it seems that all of the cool kids are doing this. It's important that CATCOUK stays topical and relevant (for both of you reading), so here goes. Here are 99 (the last one is a command from them. Don't do it!) truths about me, that you never wanted to know. Don't worry though, I have answered as accurately as I could, in my usually way...
001. Real name → The Andrew James Frederick Clarke (cool, huh? I really am entitled to that title)
002. Nickname(s)→ Flora (mostly), Clarkeface (it suprises me how many people call me Clarkeface)
003. Zodiac sign → Picies
004. Male or female → Male
005. Primary → Freshbrook First School
006. Middle School → Oakfield County Middle School
007. High School → St. Andrews C of E High for Boys (oh God did I miss women at school…)
008. Hair color→ Dark brown.
009. Tall or short → I think I’m short, but I’m not THAT short.
010. Loud or Quiet → Depends on the situation. If it’s with kids, loud. If I’m being shy, then quiet.
011. Sweats or Jeans → Neither. Outdoor rugged trousers. Manly… grrr.
012. Phone or Camera → Camera. I’m radical, and use my phone to talk to people. Crazy…
013. Health freak → Ha ha, yeah right. I avoid cigarettes, alcohol and drugs on medical grounds.
014. This question was missing, so... Do I drive an awesome car → Ooh, yes!
015. Do you have a crush on someone? → Yes. Most females with a pulse qualify.
016. Eat or Drink → Yes, they’re both good.
017. Piercing → Yep, my voice has been known to be quite piercing at times, but no I haven’t mutilated my body.
018. Tattoos → Not that I know of.
HAVE YOU EVER?
019. Been in an airplane→ Yes.
020. Been in a relationship → No. Some say that I’d have better luck if I changed my car, but the Escort was voted 3rd best car to ‘have adult fun’ in! What do I need to do – get a bumper sticher?
021. Been in a car accident → Yes, but nothing serious. I nearly drove Ernie into Shoreham Harbour once…
022. Been in a fist fight → Yes, but you should have see the other guy.FIRSTS:023. First piercing → I got a papercut the other day. Does that count?
024. First best friend → Luke something-or-other. Look, that was a very long time ago! Over 15 years!
025. First award → A well done certificate, with a cartoon mouse on it.
026. First crush → I can’t blo*dy well remember. I’m just not that guy.
027. First time → 12 o’clock. That was always the easiest time to read on the clock. Was that the question, first time I read? Oh, actually, no it wasn’t. N/A
028. First big holiday → Lanzarote with Uni. I’m not counting family holidays – sorry Mum and Dad.
LASTS:
029. Last person you talked to → Michael (face to face), Mum (on the phone – have you got home yet?).
030. Last person you texted → Natalie.031. Last person you watched a movie with → Natalie.
033. Last movie you watched → Happy Gilmore, although Natalie didn’t see the end – she fell asleep!
034. Last song you listened to → My car radio is broken, so I’m not sure.
035. Last thing you bought → Two roast dinners and two drinks at a very nice pub – great food!
036. Last person you hugged → Natalie, calm down, it's nothing interesting (chuffin' gossip machine).
FAVES:
037. Food → Pizza, or burger, or chips, or garlic bread, or bacon, or pancakes, or more pizza, or mozzerella sticks…
038. Drinks → Coca cola and orange juice (a.k.a. ‘Muddy Puddle’ or ‘Muddy water’)
039. Clothing → Hawaiian shirts.
040. Flower → Er… I’m a guy. Flowers should stay on curtain designs or in the garden where they belong.
041. Books → Sorry, but pretty much any Star Trek novels.
042. Colours → Blue (and of course, Champagne Gold)
043. Movies → That is so difficult, but probably Dirty Harry in ‘Magnum Force’ (although the Dark Knight was amazing!)
044. Subjects → Maths – I like a good challenge.
IN 2008..... I
045. Kissed someone → Nope.
046. Celebrated Halloween → Nope.
047. Had your heart broken → Nope.
048. Went over the minutes on your mobile phone → Nope.
049. Questioned someone's sexual orientation → Nope.
050. Came out of the closet → Double nope – I’m staying firmly in there. What a dumb-ass question, there’s no right way to answer that!
051. Got pregnant → That would have been a surprise to many people for so many reasons.
052. Had an abortion → When will the stupid questions stop?
053. Did something you regretted → Continued breathing.
054. Broke a promise → I don’t think so. I don’t like to break promises, and if I did, I am very sorry.
055. Hid a secret → Yes, absolutely.
056. Pretended to be happy → Only on days ending with a y.
057. Met someone who changed your life → Yes, but I first met him in 2007.
058. Pretended to be sick → Nope. Man-flu is not for me!
059. Left the country → Yes. See, I did manage to do something with my boring life!
060. Tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it → Yep. I’ll try anything once. If it kills me, I won’t try it again.
061. Cried over the silliest thing → Not that I can remember.
062. Ran a mile → Err… that’s what my car (Ernie the Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate in Champagne Gold) and my motorbike are for (Eric Morecombe the Motorbike [Honda CB450DX]) – I try to avoid running, I get sweaty.
063. Went to the beach with your best friend(s)→ No last year. Correct me if I’m wrong Michael.
064. Got into an argument with your friends →Nope. Arguments are bad for your health (unless you’re hoping to ‘make up’ afterwards – wink wink, nudge nudge)
065. Hated someone → I try to avoid it, but there probably was at least one a*seh*le that angered me.
066. Done something good for someone else → Only on days ending in a y.
CURRENTLY:
067. Eating → My fist.
068. Drinking → Nothing.
069. I'm about to → Have a night of mad passionate… sleep. In bed. On my own.
070. Listening to → The whirr of my laptop (even it’s bored with this, why am I still typing, and why are you still reading?)
071. Plans for today→ Well, it is now technically tomorrow (which is technically today), so… wash car, do paperwork, try to be less of a k*ob. That hasn’t happened so far, but here’s hoping.
072. Waiting for → Someone to give me £100 million, so I can sort everything out (not least of all, a blo*dy minibus and an Aston), and then live off the interest.
YOUR FUTURE:
073. Want kids? → Don’t know. I don’t mind them once they’re 8 – can you buy them boxed? I’m willing to practice the making children part though…
074. Want to get married? → Probably, but I’m not sure that I meet that many deaf-blind ladies.
075. Careers in mind → Teaching and youth work. Volunteer. I am going to be so rich… not.
WHICH IS BETTER WITH OTHER GENDER?
076. Lips or eyes → Eyes.
077. Shorter or taller? → Yes. Depends on the person, and their personality.
078. Romantic or spontaneous → Those aren’t mutually exlusive. You could be both. I mean I’m neither. Rubbish question, so I’m not going to answer. Rasp.
079. Nice stomach or nice arms → Stomach.
080. Sensitive or loud → That’s another stupid question. I can think of many people that fit both of those. But I will answer and say ‘Both’.
081. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship. I find it far too stressful to be doing it regularly.
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant → Depends on the situation, but I’m leaning towards trouble.
HAVE YOU EVER:
083. Lost glasses/contacts → Yes, all the time. Isn’t embaressing when they end up your head?084. Ran away from home → Not seriously – I was 5 at the time…
085. Hold a gun/knife for self defense → Yep. Mainly when camping, in case of bear or other animal attacks.
086. Killed somebody → Not directly? I’m sure did something, that caused this, then that, and someone subsequently kicked the bucket.
087. Broken someone's heart → God only know’s. If I did, it was their fault for not telling me they’re interested. I’m not good with this sort of thing.
088. Rejected someone's call on purpose → Oh God yes. Not often enough, I’m just too damn polite…
089. Cried when someone died → Yep. You’ve got to be pretty cold not too if they were close.DO
YOU BELIEVE IN:
090. Yourself → No. I mean, I believe in myself as an idea, and as a force for good (helping people etc), but not as a person. Lost cause.
091. Miracles → Definitely.
092. Love at first sight → That is a concept I have absolutely no grasp of, and so couldn’t possibly make a judgement call.
093. Heaven → I doubt it, but if there is, it will be a pleasant surprise (unless the Chavs get in there and ruin it first).
094. Santa Claus → Obviously yes. (Adults should read between the lines on that one).
095. Sex on the first date → Yes, so far as I believe it happens. Just not with me. Mainly on principle, but also because I’m pretty good at boring women to death.
096. Kiss on the first date → Again, yes, I do believe it happens. I have to experience to validate that claim though.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Yes, well sort of.
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? → No. But I can’t do anything about it, so I’ll plod on anyway.
099. Do you believe in God? → Yes, but not what you’re thinking.
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 15 friends. → No. Stop wasting everybody’s time. Told you at the top there were only 99 truths.
Check out the next post, when you will see what happened when I attended a life drawing class. I really did, and I drew as best I could the naked pregnant woman (how did my life take me there???).
Goodnight.
001. Real name → The Andrew James Frederick Clarke (cool, huh? I really am entitled to that title)
002. Nickname(s)→ Flora (mostly), Clarkeface (it suprises me how many people call me Clarkeface)
003. Zodiac sign → Picies
004. Male or female → Male
005. Primary → Freshbrook First School
006. Middle School → Oakfield County Middle School
007. High School → St. Andrews C of E High for Boys (oh God did I miss women at school…)
008. Hair color→ Dark brown.
009. Tall or short → I think I’m short, but I’m not THAT short.
010. Loud or Quiet → Depends on the situation. If it’s with kids, loud. If I’m being shy, then quiet.
011. Sweats or Jeans → Neither. Outdoor rugged trousers. Manly… grrr.
012. Phone or Camera → Camera. I’m radical, and use my phone to talk to people. Crazy…
013. Health freak → Ha ha, yeah right. I avoid cigarettes, alcohol and drugs on medical grounds.
014. This question was missing, so... Do I drive an awesome car → Ooh, yes!
015. Do you have a crush on someone? → Yes. Most females with a pulse qualify.
016. Eat or Drink → Yes, they’re both good.
017. Piercing → Yep, my voice has been known to be quite piercing at times, but no I haven’t mutilated my body.
018. Tattoos → Not that I know of.
HAVE YOU EVER?
019. Been in an airplane→ Yes.
020. Been in a relationship → No. Some say that I’d have better luck if I changed my car, but the Escort was voted 3rd best car to ‘have adult fun’ in! What do I need to do – get a bumper sticher?
021. Been in a car accident → Yes, but nothing serious. I nearly drove Ernie into Shoreham Harbour once…
022. Been in a fist fight → Yes, but you should have see the other guy.FIRSTS:023. First piercing → I got a papercut the other day. Does that count?
024. First best friend → Luke something-or-other. Look, that was a very long time ago! Over 15 years!
025. First award → A well done certificate, with a cartoon mouse on it.
026. First crush → I can’t blo*dy well remember. I’m just not that guy.
027. First time → 12 o’clock. That was always the easiest time to read on the clock. Was that the question, first time I read? Oh, actually, no it wasn’t. N/A
028. First big holiday → Lanzarote with Uni. I’m not counting family holidays – sorry Mum and Dad.
LASTS:
029. Last person you talked to → Michael (face to face), Mum (on the phone – have you got home yet?).
030. Last person you texted → Natalie.031. Last person you watched a movie with → Natalie.
033. Last movie you watched → Happy Gilmore, although Natalie didn’t see the end – she fell asleep!
034. Last song you listened to → My car radio is broken, so I’m not sure.
035. Last thing you bought → Two roast dinners and two drinks at a very nice pub – great food!
036. Last person you hugged → Natalie, calm down, it's nothing interesting (chuffin' gossip machine).
FAVES:
037. Food → Pizza, or burger, or chips, or garlic bread, or bacon, or pancakes, or more pizza, or mozzerella sticks…
038. Drinks → Coca cola and orange juice (a.k.a. ‘Muddy Puddle’ or ‘Muddy water’)
039. Clothing → Hawaiian shirts.
040. Flower → Er… I’m a guy. Flowers should stay on curtain designs or in the garden where they belong.
041. Books → Sorry, but pretty much any Star Trek novels.
042. Colours → Blue (and of course, Champagne Gold)
043. Movies → That is so difficult, but probably Dirty Harry in ‘Magnum Force’ (although the Dark Knight was amazing!)
044. Subjects → Maths – I like a good challenge.
IN 2008..... I
045. Kissed someone → Nope.
046. Celebrated Halloween → Nope.
047. Had your heart broken → Nope.
048. Went over the minutes on your mobile phone → Nope.
049. Questioned someone's sexual orientation → Nope.
050. Came out of the closet → Double nope – I’m staying firmly in there. What a dumb-ass question, there’s no right way to answer that!
051. Got pregnant → That would have been a surprise to many people for so many reasons.
052. Had an abortion → When will the stupid questions stop?
053. Did something you regretted → Continued breathing.
054. Broke a promise → I don’t think so. I don’t like to break promises, and if I did, I am very sorry.
055. Hid a secret → Yes, absolutely.
056. Pretended to be happy → Only on days ending with a y.
057. Met someone who changed your life → Yes, but I first met him in 2007.
058. Pretended to be sick → Nope. Man-flu is not for me!
059. Left the country → Yes. See, I did manage to do something with my boring life!
060. Tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it → Yep. I’ll try anything once. If it kills me, I won’t try it again.
061. Cried over the silliest thing → Not that I can remember.
062. Ran a mile → Err… that’s what my car (Ernie the Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate in Champagne Gold) and my motorbike are for (Eric Morecombe the Motorbike [Honda CB450DX]) – I try to avoid running, I get sweaty.
063. Went to the beach with your best friend(s)→ No last year. Correct me if I’m wrong Michael.
064. Got into an argument with your friends →Nope. Arguments are bad for your health (unless you’re hoping to ‘make up’ afterwards – wink wink, nudge nudge)
065. Hated someone → I try to avoid it, but there probably was at least one a*seh*le that angered me.
066. Done something good for someone else → Only on days ending in a y.
CURRENTLY:
067. Eating → My fist.
068. Drinking → Nothing.
069. I'm about to → Have a night of mad passionate… sleep. In bed. On my own.
070. Listening to → The whirr of my laptop (even it’s bored with this, why am I still typing, and why are you still reading?)
071. Plans for today→ Well, it is now technically tomorrow (which is technically today), so… wash car, do paperwork, try to be less of a k*ob. That hasn’t happened so far, but here’s hoping.
072. Waiting for → Someone to give me £100 million, so I can sort everything out (not least of all, a blo*dy minibus and an Aston), and then live off the interest.
YOUR FUTURE:
073. Want kids? → Don’t know. I don’t mind them once they’re 8 – can you buy them boxed? I’m willing to practice the making children part though…
074. Want to get married? → Probably, but I’m not sure that I meet that many deaf-blind ladies.
075. Careers in mind → Teaching and youth work. Volunteer. I am going to be so rich… not.
WHICH IS BETTER WITH OTHER GENDER?
076. Lips or eyes → Eyes.
077. Shorter or taller? → Yes. Depends on the person, and their personality.
078. Romantic or spontaneous → Those aren’t mutually exlusive. You could be both. I mean I’m neither. Rubbish question, so I’m not going to answer. Rasp.
079. Nice stomach or nice arms → Stomach.
080. Sensitive or loud → That’s another stupid question. I can think of many people that fit both of those. But I will answer and say ‘Both’.
081. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship. I find it far too stressful to be doing it regularly.
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant → Depends on the situation, but I’m leaning towards trouble.
HAVE YOU EVER:
083. Lost glasses/contacts → Yes, all the time. Isn’t embaressing when they end up your head?084. Ran away from home → Not seriously – I was 5 at the time…
085. Hold a gun/knife for self defense → Yep. Mainly when camping, in case of bear or other animal attacks.
086. Killed somebody → Not directly? I’m sure did something, that caused this, then that, and someone subsequently kicked the bucket.
087. Broken someone's heart → God only know’s. If I did, it was their fault for not telling me they’re interested. I’m not good with this sort of thing.
088. Rejected someone's call on purpose → Oh God yes. Not often enough, I’m just too damn polite…
089. Cried when someone died → Yep. You’ve got to be pretty cold not too if they were close.DO
YOU BELIEVE IN:
090. Yourself → No. I mean, I believe in myself as an idea, and as a force for good (helping people etc), but not as a person. Lost cause.
091. Miracles → Definitely.
092. Love at first sight → That is a concept I have absolutely no grasp of, and so couldn’t possibly make a judgement call.
093. Heaven → I doubt it, but if there is, it will be a pleasant surprise (unless the Chavs get in there and ruin it first).
094. Santa Claus → Obviously yes. (Adults should read between the lines on that one).
095. Sex on the first date → Yes, so far as I believe it happens. Just not with me. Mainly on principle, but also because I’m pretty good at boring women to death.
096. Kiss on the first date → Again, yes, I do believe it happens. I have to experience to validate that claim though.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Yes, well sort of.
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? → No. But I can’t do anything about it, so I’ll plod on anyway.
099. Do you believe in God? → Yes, but not what you’re thinking.
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 15 friends. → No. Stop wasting everybody’s time. Told you at the top there were only 99 truths.
Check out the next post, when you will see what happened when I attended a life drawing class. I really did, and I drew as best I could the naked pregnant woman (how did my life take me there???).
Goodnight.
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