Anyone for a 99?

Good morning/day/evening* all!

*delete as appropriate.

Well, it maybe a day late (and thanks to a late notice), we are now at post number 99! That's right, just one week until the spectacular, no expense spared, 100th CATCOUK post. I bet you are all as excited as me... (or if you have a pulse, maybe even slighty more excited) To celebrate this, the 99th post, I would like to invite you all to have a 99 Ice Cream cone with me at some point during the week. If you see an Ice Cream van, then you should feel free to go and purchase one, and imagine that I am with you in spirit (unless I am with you, in which case we won't be having one, because I am absolutly skint!).

So what's happenned this week then? Well to be honest, I havn't got a clue. I have slept since then. There have been many things that have occurred, and unfortunatly they can only be repeated in front of a more adult audience (watch out soon for Andy Clarke's First Bus to Lancing... a parody of Terry Garoghan's Last Bus to Whitehawk). But lets stumble through this together, and see if we can't end up with a finished product at the end. Here we go...

So Monday... Monday... What happenned on Monday?... Oh yes. Our first band practice of the week. Without Louise (our amazing, valiant, and modest Bandmaster) things never run quite as smoothly. And so, they didn't run very smoothly. But it wasn't completely bad. The way I look at things at the moment, Monday nights are only filling sessions between really productive (albeit stressful) weekends.

And then we merge seamlessly onto Tuesday. An interesting couple of facts about Tuesdays, is that they always lie between a Monday and a Wednesday, and that more often than not, they end in a Y (just like the phrase 'itsy, bitsy, teeney, weeney'). On Tuesday afternoons, I take a class to the local swimming pool for swimming lessons. I then (almost immediately) walk back with the first class. And this is (almost) what happenned this week.

Just as we arrive at the Aquarena (our local pool), the teacher of the class I was walking down turned around and said, 'Have you got Algernon's insulin stuff?' (names changed for child protection reasons). 'Oh dear,' I replied, or words to that effect, 'I had best take a relaxing walk back to school, and fetch it...'. And so I ram. Yes that's right boys and girls, even fat old me can get up a sweat some days. I just wish I had chosen to wear a slightly lighter jacket that day.

I ran back into the school, collected Algernon's stuff, recieved some very funny looks from the ladies on the office, and jumped into the Mark IV, for a burn back down to the pool. With all the speed could muster (something similar to a hurd of antelopes - with broken legs. Well it was in traffic) I wizzed to the pool, and abandoned Ernie in the pool's car park. Alas not a cool 1970's angle, and alas without the new flashing light, but in a parking space. All of this just in time to take the other class back.

And to add insult to injury, our Rambling club that day, with which I usually help, was lacking our leader this week. So, without 1 bold Northener at the helm, we also lacked a minibus. Wherever we went, we would have to walk from the school. So we thought we'd walk through the local parks (a bit of Urban Rambling), and down to the beach. Ironically, just next to where my car was parked. Not that I could collect my car. Oh, no. I had to walk the group back to school, and the get Ernie...

And we fall elegantly into Wednesday, just like a drunk falling in the street. After many weeks of planning and paperwork (and many weeks of annoyning poor Mrs. Varney [Heather] in the office) Chesswood Middle School's first ever climbing club had it's first session! And it went really well. I think all the kids really felt a sense of achievement, and they certainly all had a smile on their face. What a relief - perhaps all the County Council paperwork was worth it...

So we got back to school at 6.30, just in time for me to race home, shovel some food down my neck, and change my shirt, so that I could meet Siobhan at the pub at 8. That's right, I pulled out all the stops. I even put on a 4 year old T-Shirt to go out! We really wanted to play pool, and the first pub we went to was slightly busy. It was football night (and Siobhan and I are equally as excited about football), and unfortunatly the pool tables and the big TV screen share a room. So on to the next pub, which was completely different.

It was like a graveyard in there. There could only have been three other people in there, and two of them were bar staff. A nice quiet pub, no one else after the pool tables, but better yet, Wednesday nights in the Golden Lion was FREE POOL NIGHT! Result. Well my friend Siobhan and I pooled it out hard to a three all draw (we are both pretty special at pool), and then sat and drank for a while. Then I drove her home, and we sat and chatted in the car for an hour and a half (making a small hole in the O-Zone layer above her house, as I didn't switch the engine off for half an hour). Why we didn't go inside is anyone's guess, but I suppose my car is pretty bloody comfortable. And when the street lights switched off, we knew it was probably time to go home. So after a quick 20 minutes star gazing, I eventually stumbled into bed at about 2am...

And then, like a rabbit being hit by a juggernaut at 50mph, it was 5 to 8 Thursday Morning. That gave me just enought time (thanks to Mum waking me up, when I forgot to set the alarm) to run throught the shower, jump into some clothes, and scream to school in my Escort. Obviously, being quite a tired bunny, I was quite looking forward to going home at 3.15. But this is CATCOUK, it's obvioulsy not that easy. I had to take the Girls' Football club to fill in for someone.

Okay lads, I can hear you all laughing. Girls. Playing Football? Well firstly, I play football like a girl anyway, so I'm an obvious choice. Secondly, I thought, 'These are girls interested in football. They'll be better than me'. Wrong. All of those stereotypes that leaped into your heads when I mentioned Girls and Football were spot on. What a nightmare...

And then I finally landed on Friday. Once again, the deputy head (Dennis) asked me to cover the class from hell's games lesson. Actually, they were much better this week. All credit to them. But even so, they are a stressful class to get organised. Oh boy was I looking forward to a relaxing weekend...

Again, this is CATCOUK, not a Disney movie. Loads of stuff happenned, involving me being up to 4am.... and looking after friends. Incidently I bought my first bunch of flowers. The lady that served me (at 10.50pm on my home from a Lions fundraiser) gave me a very funny look. It's no wonder men don't buy flowers often. It was the kind of look as if to say 'Oh aye. He's in trouble, and clearly trying to 'make-up' wink wink, nudge, nidge'. Actually, I was being nice to a friend.

Anyways, Sunday was band again, and all the officers were arguing with me. Being as stubborn as my mother, I held strong, and did what I said I was going to do. So is it any wonder that by then end of the day, I was ready to blow a friggin' fuse? Fortunatly all the kids were gone, and it was only Mum that got it in the neck. Yes, it was a stressful weekend.

Made all better when I woke up this morning (Monday - I'll give you a little bonus for waiting an extra day) and Dad (one of the officers that was arguing - possibly the most argumentative, well he is family) said to me 'Well Done for standing by your guns yesterday, even with me arguing with you constantly. It was all worth it.' Hooray! The old man actually admitted he was wrong, and I had got it right!!!! Ahh, it's going to be a good week (but there's only one way to find out buoys and gulls)...

And on that note, see you all next week.

Quote of the Week: 'It's 1120pm on a Monday evening. Do you really think that I can be bothered to finish off as normal, or remember my real quote of the week, or come up with this month's tune of the month, or add a few photos?' said Andy, rather tired, and a little bit grouchy. Sorry MSN Monday people...