I appear to be going through a phase of verbal diarrohea... (if that's how you spell it)

As you read this, please appreciate that you very nearly didn't get this on time! Right now, The Shawshank Redemption is showing on Film4 - which rates as one of my favourite movies of all time. So whilst I attempt to watch this great film, recieving an almost unprecidented 5 Escorts out of 5, I will type this week's dose of complete dribble.


I would like to start this week's post, with a quick lookover Monday Night's Band practice. I think I might have mentioned before that TS Intrepid's Band has grown some what in the last year. We now have 18 members (double that of last year), and a metric sh*t ton of wind/ brass players. When we hit one particular fanfare, it sounded like the entire cast of Ghandi was behind me (I'm at the front of the band in percussion - I play a side drum), playing trumpets, and playing them well. The grin on my face, went from beyond my left ear, to beyond my right ear. I honestly couldn't believe that our little band, which I had (with others) built this band up from scratch. Un-blooming-believable. And to continue the broken word theme, fan-blooming-tastic.


I started this week at Chesswood, with the knowledge, of having a pretty good week ahead. Monday and Tuesday weren't brilliant, but on Wednesday, I had my first trip of the week. An exciting excursion to Home Farm (near Goodwood), organised by the Countryside Alliance, to tell us all about farming. There were some quite interesting parts to the day, including my lunch, walking between sessions, and actually, the bee keepinf was facinating. Did you know, that on an average day in the summer, in one bee hive (honey collecting little house thing), there can be up to 50 000 bees?!?!? Other, less interesting sessions, included how to care for cows and sheep, and the exciting world of farm machinery.


Brief pause for Morgan Freeman's first scene. You know, where he's trying to get bail. He doesn't get it.
Here's me at the farm, in front of a load of kids, and a COW!

Giant steps are what you take, walking on the moon - no, I'm not pretending to be Niel Armstrong, I'm wearing a Bee Keeper's headgear.


Anyways, the day wasn't all dull. I was lucky enough to have a bus driver that I recognised to get us there. Well, I'm not sure that lucky would be my choice of word. Don't get me wrong, he's a nice enough chap, just a little... talkative. He started to reverse the bus, so that he could make some space in front to pull out. And as we reversed, we suddenly felt a bump. At the time, I thouht it was just the curb or something, but as we drove off, and I had a chance to look in the mirrors, I saw the school's minibus behind us. Oh dear.


That's right, the coach had shunted the school minibus. And we didn't even stop. As we got to the first set of traffic lights, the driver jumped out, and in true Chinese Fire Drill fashion, ran to the back of the bus, checked the bus, and the minibus, had a quick chin-wag with the minibus driver, and jumped back in the driving seat, just in time to pull away!


No damage done.


And blow me down. Can you work out which bus driver we had for my trip on Friday, to Butser Ancient Farm? That's right. You've guessed it. For the third trip this year!


Now Butser was a much more fun trip. We had a more pleasant bunch of kids, and lots of hands on stuff for the kids to do. A bit of digging in the sand, finding odd itmes (or archaeology as they called it), making clunch - a saxon concrete, making saxon jewellery, and the old favourite - a trip to the gift shop. I often think that the kids would much rather just go around gift shops for their schools trips, rather than do the educational stuff.


Ooh, they're just smuggling in a rock hammer. Hang on. I find that a facinating system.


So, Butser was great fun. It's just a shame that the weather wasn't having such a great day as us. By half one, it was absolutly persisting down with liquid sunshine. It was also a shame that the farm didn't have anywhere indoors that they could teach from. By putting two and two together, you'll get 60 wet children, and 9 wetter adults. Lovely.


But what, I hear you ask, did you do on Thursday? Well my faithful, read on, and I shall tell you. The school were kind enough to pay for, and put me on a course in Off-site, and Educational Visits Leadership. It was a brilliant course. I learnt some new stuff, went over some older stuff, and had a great day.


It's an ad break. Let's really push on whilst the films not on.


At one point in the course, we had to take a walk around the local neighbourhood. The aim was to learn how to cross the road safely, and look at different people's and establishment's methods. But please picture this. 10 adults, two of whom wearing yellow jackets (because I can't spell fluorescent), and marshalling people across the road. We must have looked especially special. I like to think that passers by, would think we were a group like National Road Crossing Enthusiasts Annonymous. Now there's a title for a Monty Python Sketch if ever there was one...


As it turns out, Thursday was a busy day. After the course, I took my first ever evening class. Well, I've attended evening classes before, but never as a tutor. That's right, I'm now a a fully bonefide IT tutor.


Ad breaks over, and they're doing the cell search. I always find it an interesing confrontation between Duphrane, and the Warden. 'But I suppose exceptions can be made'... oh how the Warden will regret that comment.


My first class went amazingly well. I had a class of 6 people, most in their forties/ fifties, and two older people. I have a very, unconvenitional teaching style. At one point, I pointed to the elderly lady in the class, and stated that she obviously didn't need to be in class. She was very clearly a computer hacker, and I could tell from the look in her eyes. And so it went on...


Sorry, Brooks is doing his letter scene. I find this a facinating part of the movie, if not a little sad. Bless the old guy. I wonder what crime he committed to be in prison, he seemed like such a nice guy?


After my evening class, it was time to meet up with Michael and Dominic, for one of our three times a year meet ups. On the cards this year was a trip to a pub on Shoreham Beach, followed by a trip to Subway. Now, I like my subroll to have LOTS of BBQ sauce. And I mean LOTS.


Red (Morgan Freeman) has got his second appeal board. Will he get bail this time?


No.


Anyway, the man didn't muck around. He really did give me lots. Unfortunatly it wasn't the best BBQ sauce in the world. In fact, it must have had something spicey and hot (like Chilie) in it. Oh my dear lord, how it burned. It felt like I was chewing on solid fire. At one point Michael was desperate for the loo, so I suggested weeing in my mouth would help the both of us. It hurt that much, and I was that desperate.
Another day, another pedestrian: The usual view from my beautiful Mark IV 'Pedestrian Killer' Ernie the Escort.

The evening held other joys as well. A bit of pub-science on Beach Green Car Park: can a car keyless entry fob's radio waves travel over mobile phone (we don't think so)? And then there were the joys of 24 hour Tesco. As we sat in the car park, drinking lemonade (no we really were - how cool are we?), I looked at one of them trolley bays, and thought outloud: 'I wonder if I can park Ernie in one of those?' Michael and Dom said no way, and that I'd never do it. Well, that's like a red rag to a bull.
Tesco must be the best supermarket in the world. No this isn't another 'I hate Sainsburys' joke (although I do) - look. Tesco's now offer covered parking for 1986 Mark IV Escorts!


This week, Mum gave me a letter, and said 'This came for you in the post... several weeks ago.' Cheers Mum. I open it up, and find it's my car tax renewel. I knew it was due, and wondered where the letter had gone. So, like every other mug, there I was on Saturday at 10 to 12, waiting to pay my road tax. Marvellous.


And because I like a sense of completion, we go full circle, and finish this week's extremely long post, with another band story. I was particularly miffed on Friday night, as I was going to have to run a band practice on Sunday (10 - 4) practically on my own. I found this especially interesting, as I resigned my position in the band three weeks ago.


Sorry, Duphrane is just explaining how he invented Radall Stevens. My American friend Terry Robinson has a similar friend in Joe Baloke (who I believe had a library card for a while - not quite as impressive as birth certificate, drivers license, and social security number is it Terry?).


But amazingly, even with loads of adults missing, it went off without a hitch. It was a great day, and I am feeling great. It would appear that the band can play music, and the band can also do a display. Now, if we can just play and march together, we might be in with a chance of doing quite well... Join us at the Burgess Hill Triangle Centre on Sunday 28th October, and find out how we do. If you would like to find out more about the NTC's National Band, Colour and Fanfare competition, why not look at www.ntc.org.uk/bands - the NTC's National Band Committee website. I think that's suitable advertised that.


Oooh I like this bit. The Warden gets his own back, for what Duphrane will get away with. Maybe he's not such a fool. He was being obtuse.


Don't forget, just two weeks until our 100th post together. Get your suggestions in for the 100th post special now! See y'all next week.


If you are worried that my verbal diarrohea might be getting serious, why not leave a message telling me to shut my pie hole, and give us all a break.


If you are worried that my verbal diarrohea might be getting serious, why not leave a message, telling me to avoid all medical help.


Quote of the Week: 'It's like, if you walk a mile every day, after 10 days, you've walked 10 miles!' said our Bandmaster Louise, trying to explain how every little bit of practice soon adds up. Yeah, thanks for the basic maths lession Lou...