Chief Medical Officers Warning: This is a long post, and may harm you, and those around you.

Good evening brothers and sisters, praise be to the bald!

Okay, so a bit on an unorthodox opening, but I shall tell you why. Apologies to any friends that spoke to me over the weekend on MSN, I've already raved about this to you, but I feel the need to share my joy. I found on the internet, an amazing collection of a radio show called 'Terry Garoghan's Last Bus to White Hawk'. This radio show, winner of a Sony Radio Award GOLD, was funnier than Ricky Gervais, and was only on my local radio station, Southern FM. It was a late night show, and the humour could be... quite close to the nuckle. But listening back over the clips, it really was as funny as I remember. Bring back 'The Last Bus to Whitehawk'!

Anyways, Terry nearly always opened his show with the comment above.

So life at Chesswood this week was great (for the most part). I am beginning to realise that this may have been an unwise choice of placement for me. In kind of the same way that it would be unwise for a starving man to start working as a waiter in a restaurant. I love teaching, and being a TA, working with only a few kids, isn't quite as fulfilling. But work did pick up this week.

I started running some of my after school clubs this week. We kicked it all off with Year 4 and 5 computer club on Monday, which was full of enthusiastic kids, that just wanted to play games. More fool them (please imagine my evil laughter). The school network provider blocks any and all games, that aren't educational...

Tuesday evening was Rambling club with Year 7. Although I don't lead this club, it's run by my friend Jez, who I've been working with for (shudder the thought) 5 YEARS! Can you believe it? I've been volunteering at the schools for 5 years. Thats a quarter of my life...

Anyways, we loaded up the minibus, and went up Cissbury Ring, and took the kids up on the hill with a couple of Frisbees (sorry, Flying Discs - Frisbee is a brand name). One of the Frisb- flying discs was promptly lost in a bush, but I was more interested in showing kids are amazing country. It was a beautiful afternoon, you could see all the way to the Isle of Wight (a long way away for our international readers). 'Look over there kids. You can see the Isle of Wight.' To this comment, Jez (who majored in Geography) laughed at me. 'Of course it's not the Isle of Wight. That's miles away.'

Anyways, long story short, after an argument, Jez ended up saying, 'If that's the Isle of Wight, I'll... teach naked tommorrow. I mean look, there's Bognor, and I know for a fact, you can't see the Isle of Wight from Bognor beach.' To this, me and a fellow teacher, Holly, looked at each other. And then muttered something to do with the curvature of the Earth, and started to take interest as to the practicalities of Jez's bet...

Now, he was wearing clothes on Wednesday, but he assures me that he walked to school starkers...

On Wednesdays, I am going to start running a climbing club for the older kids at the school. Now when I thought this up, I had just got my climbing instructor's ticket, and thought, easy. I'm an instructor, me and Jez load up the bus with kids, and take them climbing at our local wall. Job done.

Wrong.

I had of course forgotten that this was West Sussex County Council that I was now working for, and not the NTC. And of course, synonymous with the word council, is the word - bureaucracy. Paperwork, paperwork, and yet more paperwork. God bless the council. Add to this, that apparently my climbing qualification was completely and utterly useless. That's right kids. It was good for sh*t. Marvellous.

Anyways, three trees later, and some stress, and lots of help from the climbing centre, we have a viable club. We'll be starting in a couple of weeks, and after the first day of sending letters out, we had 23 interested people.

On Friday, I was actually let loose with a class. A teacher had phoned in ill, and there were no spare staff members to cover the class for the whole day, so people were being pulled from all over to cover different sessions. And at the end of the day, the class had Games. The deputy head asked me to do it. Well I jumped at the chance. I love teaching, I honestly do. Shame the class was a complete and utter bunch of pain in the arses. Never mind, I do enjoy a challenge...

After school, was my final club of the week: Ultimate (Frisbee) club. Don't bother asking what it is if you don't know. Your on the friggin internet, use Google! Anyways, I set it up as a club that kids could do, in the hopes that the usual sporty suspects wouldn't sign up, and we'd have an ecclectic bunch of kids. Worked a treat. And we even started to learn stuff that had nothing to do with Ultimate. 'How could you improve you game guys?' Several suggestions later: 'That's right, there are too many people shouting. If you improve your communication, and try lowering the volume, your team will improve. And do you know what? They could even work in class...'

Oh my goodness! What an amazing session. The kids loved it, and we even learnt some soft skills. It's almost as if that Adventure Education degree is paying off...

Almost finally, today (Sunday) I was out with the NTC at our second boating centre, NBAC Attentive (National Boating and Activity Centre). Sorry Attentive, to call you our second centre, but Lion definatly does have the edge. Since about May, I have been staff at the centre. A pretty poor member of staff if I'm honest. Today was only the second session I've made. I just don't have the time to commit like I want to. Really, I could do with having two of me.

Anyways, it was fun day at Attentive today, and I am a Safety Boat operator. So I took out a powerboat. Hap-hazardly, I jumped in a boat, without really selecting one. And at the end of the first session, we had a race. It would appear that I had picked the fastest boat. Admittedly, I knew the type of boat was better than the other two, but I hadn't realised how great this boat flew. I had immense fun in it, and I think the kids did too (except for the one who became sea sick - excellent).

At the start of the first session, I thought I'd do my bit as an educator. You know the typical questions: 'Who's done this before?', 'What does this and that do?... etc. Well, I was just in the midst of this, when a bucket of water was tipped over me, from a passing boat. Oh yeah, this was fun day, and that meant getting wet.

Now, since the purchase of my dry suit, I never bother taking a change of clothes these days, and it was such a lovely day, I didn't bother doing up my dry suit. Yes I think we can all see where this is going. That's right, I drove home in some very wet clothes. Bugger.

Later in the day, we swapped boats. Of the type of boat I was driving, there were two. So we swapped. The other boat, had a far far smaller engine. And I didn't really appreciate this, until I tried to put the hammer down. With 4 kids in, the boat just would not move. Well it would, but it just didn't take off. Me and the kids were in fits of laughter, but only over how crap this boat was in comparison to the other Jaffa. Just my luck.

Things did improve slightly. I was given the huge Dunlop rib, although I will forever call it the banana boat. I have very little experience with inflatables. Even though this boat had a huge engine on it, it didn't really shift. And as you tried to take off, it started to bend in half! Just like a big banana. Scary as for the first couple of times, until I was told that this was how it worked. Bizarre.

And finally, you may remember that last week, I was also out boating. I have taken to recording videos on our trips, to try and make advertisement for the youth group a little easier. So if you want to see this video, click here. It is beautiful, and (in my humble opinion) deserves a BAFTA. But if you havn't got 5 minutes to spare, you definitely want to check this video out.

One of my NTC colleagues, and superior officers is a bit of a nutter. Mr. Ginnaw is very funny, but I have started to capture his exploits on film. Well digital media card actually. So, from the man that brought you Giant Archery, he is a brand new sport, that I think will make it into the 2012 Olympic Games. And of course, after seeing the photage, I just had to have a go at commentating.

Click Here to see the World Mattress and Stairs Tobogganing League Finals, 2007!

Well that's it for another week. But before I go, I need to tell you that we are just 3 weeks away from the 100th post of CATCOUK. Leave a message if you have a suggestion of what to do.

Also, please take some time on Tuesday 25th September, as it is Internation (Andy bought an) Escort Day. That's right, it will be two whole years since I bought my beloved car! So celebrate with me, here on the internationally recognised CATCOUK - the BlogSpot home of Andy Clarke.

If you thought this post was eye-gougingly long, and have in fact lost an eye because of it, please send an invoice to me, by leaving a message.

If you havn't lost the will to live, you must be one of the 16 readers, of Internationally recognise, still not award winning, CATCOUK. Why not leave a message to celebrate the fact that you are still awake.

Quote of the Week: 'Has anyone seen Harry and the Dinosaur?' I think this needs no explanation.

Oh alright, Heather, a lovely lady in the office at Chesswood, had lost one of the book club's books. Wasn't that random, but does sound odd when you have no idea what she's on about.