Let's do a low ropes course kids! It's great fun!

No post last night, as I was cream crackered after the weekend's activities, I had to go to bed! I was asleep before 8pm, and after 11 hours sleep, I still didn't want to get up this morning. Even now at 4.30, I still want to go and have a nice little nap in the corner somewhere!

But we must go on.

We'll get to the weekend in a moment, but first I would like to point out what an excellent job I made of parking my car the other day. For your viewing pleasure, I even took a photo! I reversed my car all the way back down this little bit of the car park, which is about 1 and a half car widths wide. I then swung around at the last minute, and ended parking the exact correct distance from the other parked car, and about 2 inches from the car behind. That's what I call artistic driving!

Car Parking as an art form: My park job of the week! (my car is the Champagne Gold colour...)

So, this weekend. In my usual busy-body manner, I ran a sleepover for the NTC cadets in Lancing. For the first time, I had planned an afternoon of activities before the sleepover to wear the kids out, all adventure education orientated (that is what I do at Uni Paul - I learn how to organise NTC trips...). I had three main activities planned, all of which took some setting up.

Three days before, I had gone walking around North Lancing, setting up a 'town trail/ treasure hunt' for the kids to follow. This was in the rain I might add. On the Saturday, Scott, my dad Tim, and I got to the woods, and were there for 3 hours setting up the activities in the woods. Having seen the forecast, we first set up a couple of shelters. Then we spent 90 minutes setting up a Low Ropes course. I of course tested the course out straight away for... Health and Safety reasons. Lastly, I got Dad to set up a 'Lead ropes course'. Basically just a piece of string running through the woods, that the kids will follow later blind folded.

Risk Assesments - the Adventure Education way! Yes that is as painful as it looks. Muppet.

Having left my TV and DVD player at home (which we would need later on in the evening), I fled home in the tRusty ol' Escort, and passed some very confused faces from Implacable (Littlehampton) on the way. We were meeting at 3.15, and there I was speeding in the opposite direction! So I turned up late, but despite the weather forecast, there were glorious blue skies, and sunshine above!

We marched up to the top of the hill, and we began the activities that had been set up. This might actually work. About half way through running the first session, with my Low Ropes group, I realised that I had forgotten something. So I left another officer in charge, and raced back to the car. As I rushed down the hill, blue skies above me, my eye caught sight of the biggest, blackest cloud you have even seen.

Just after 4pm, I got the stuff out of my car, and I felt a drop of water pat me on the head. 5 minutes later, I returned to the woods, mildly wet, to find 30 people huddled under the two shelters we had erected earlier. And the rain pretty much didn't stop for an hour and a half. Bugger.

The 'Town trail' group returned very wet, and in my eyes the whole afternoon was a ... (wait for it) ... wash out! (gettit?) Boom Boom.

At around 6, the rain stopped, so we cut eveything down, and got the kids back to the car park to the minibus. We loaded all the kit into Dad's car, and milled around the car park for a moment. Then, in the space of seconds, the temperature dropped, and it went from dry, to heavy rain, to hail the size of small dogs. Most of the cadets and officers were either on the minibus door side, or were in cars already. There was one cadet standing outside my car getting very wet. In the darkness I didn't see who they were (they may even have been a passer by I suppose...), but I literally threw them into my car to get them out of the hail.

The weather passed over, and the rest of the sleepover was a bit of an anti-climax, and actually went well (probably because I hadn't organised it). After a good 2 hours sleep (it may have been 2.5), I woke up, and started to get ready for our Regional Rifle Shooting Competition. At 7am on the dot (maybe as some sort of payback for keeping me awake all night) I linked my laptop into the Ship's (our Youth Hall anyway) Public address system, and played the Reveille at full volume! Very military. There were some very tired cadets that morning...

Lastly, the competition itself. I normally do okay, and last year I even won. This year I didn't. Now, I don't mind loosing, and I certainly don't mind being beaten by Stuart Ginnaw who is a very good shot. But what I can't fathome, is how my Commanding Officer, who is imfamous for missing the target more often than not beat me to come second! How did he do it? How much did he pay the scorers? Just before the last round, I knew that I needed to get 148 to beat him. So when I scored 146, and knew that I would loose to Brian Orchard but one point, I'm sure you can imagine how gutted I was.

Well done Brian. However you did it.

Just a last reminder, that you could write CATCOUK for a week or two in January whilst I am away with Univeristy. Yep, you've guessed it, we're being forced to go to Lanzarote! Leave a comment telling me that you would like to write it one week!

If you think that my parking is rubbish, why not leave a comment telling me how to park.

If you think my parking is brilliant, and wish you could drive as well as me, why not leave a message saying that your name is Ian Emery, and you'd like tips... (love you Abdulha!)

Christmas landed with a thump this week!

Happy Christmas everyone? It may only be mid-November, but with late-night shopping, and christmas lights all around us, Christmas descends. And this week, Christmas descended rather more heavily on my Mum than on the rest of us.

Whilst sitting at home this Wednesday, actually doing some University work for a change, Mum phoned. She said that she needed me, as she had just had an accident on her motorbike. Although that seems quite serious, I don't know anyone that could keep a straight face, when they hear what actually happenned. Mum's words to me were 'A Christmas decoration has fallen down, and hit me...'.
Regardless of how ridiculous that sounded, I scrambled Ernie the Escort, and in true Starsky & Hutch fashion, screached towards Worthing. Of course Mum had chosen to have an accident during rush hour, so I started to get stuck in traffic, until I decided to take the back streets. At this point, may I add that 60 in a resedential area is not advisable, not that you would find me doing that, even in an emergency.

I pulled up the road to where Mum was, with an Ambulance and a Police car already in attendance, blue lights flashing. I resisted the temptation to get my own blue light out. But when I parked up, I left the hazards on, and parked at a very '70s cop jaunty angle.

From above, God sent a reminder of the true meaning of Christmas: the Moster 10ft Christmas decoration.

It turns out, that just as Mum was pulling away, a 10ft metal Christmas Tree shaped decoration fell 20ft off of a lampost, and pinned her on to her scooter. It was fortunate that out of the many people milling about the market, and shops that it was a motorcyclist that was hit. The doctors said that if she hadn't been wearing her helmet, she would be dead.

Oh look! It's an ambulance.

Anyway, mum was taken to A & E in the ambulance on a spinal board, and neck brace. They took a C-spine X-ray, and some other tests, but fortunatly she just has whiplash, and concussion. By the time Mum was finished in hospital, and we had recovered her bike, it was 11pm! But my visits to Accident & Emergency do not end there...

The very next day, we went Mountain Biking with University. It was a pouring wet day, with enough water falling per metre to float the Titanic! The lecturers decided to ride up Chichester's tallest hill (The Trundle). Of course once you get to the top, there really is only one way to go: Down! So we rode at speed down a very slippery and wet chalk lane, with more potholls than your standard Council maintained road.

With all of these elements stacked against us, it was always going to be a recipe for disaster. I got stuck in a ditch on the way down, and stopped rather abruptly (without injury though). This unfortunatly then caused a freind of mine to crash rather more heavily (sorry Holly). And so it continued on this one spot, with another three nearly comming a cropper. As quickly as I could, I threw crashed bikes out of the ditch, so that anyone that ended up taking this dodgy line had every chance to ride it out.

Of course this wasn't an isolated inccident. By the time I got to the bottom, at least half of the 30 students in the group (including myself) had had an accident of sorts. As soon as I stopped, I saw Batman sitting on his bike, with blood dripping from his arms. I quickly called for a first aid kit, and me and Charlie dressed his wounds. As Batman had flown over his handlebars, he had stretched his hands forwardm and managed to find to sharp flints to slit both his palms on. Seriously slashed palms.

I did the best job I could with Batman, when I hear a voice say 'Andy, my wrist is really sore'. I turn to see Holly holding her left wrist. I carried out a quick examination of her wrist, and realise that she has either broken her schaffoid, or damaged some ligaments. Either way, it meant my second visit to A&E. We cycled back to Uni via the shortest route, and I then drove her (accompanied by our friend Kat) to St. Richard's Hospital.

3 hours, 1 X-ray, a Cheese and Onion sandwich, and lots of pain-killers later, we emmerge from A&E. Having had no lunch, we were starving, and Holly had managed to blag a sandwich out of the Nurses. Unfortunatly (for Holly) it was a Cheese & Onion sandwich, whuch Holly hates with a passion. However, she put her quarrels aside, and ate half of it anyway. After offering Kat the second half, I ate the rest. Filling was good, but the bread was drier than fire.

Thanks to my best friend Michael for the loan of the Mountain Bike.

Having started this post off with a Christmas theme, it seems only fitting to finish with a tail of Winter Sports. Today (Sunday) we took the NTC cadets to Gosprt Ice Rink, for some Ice Skating. May I just say that with my skills, Torvill & Dean can step asside. I'm sure many of the cadets were suprised by my amazing talent... for repeatedly falling about. The photo below catched me on a slightly more stable moment, but a video taken shows exactly how good my skating was...

Get your skates on! Me doing 'Is this the way to Amarillo - ON ICE!'

See the video of me making an even bigger ass of myself on my CATCOUK2 (Bebo)! catcouk.bebo.com. You'll notice that I was skating in exceptionally difficult conditions, as the rink was actually on the side of a building...

Thanks to Abdulha (of TS Sturdy) for the photo and video.

Well that's it from me for another week. Merry Christmas to you all... Before I go, I have some exciting announcements to make. Firstly, two of you readers will get the chance to write my blog for a week. Basically, I'm going away for two weeks in January, and like any good TV show, or radio show, I need cover! If you'd like to write my blog for a week (or two if we're short on applicants), leave a comment now!

Secondly, I am working on a special Christmas Treat for you all. A simple little Christmas MP3 looms on the horizon... This is the last time I'll mention Christmas until we actually get near Christmas. Unlike the shops, here at CATCOUK, we still appreciate the values of Christmas. We celebrate the coming of Jesus with our presents, and remember the birth of Father Christmas (or was it the other way around? I forget). Anyways, CATCOUK is a Christmas free zone until we actually get there!

If you think that my Ice Skating is rubbish, as well as being absolutly correct, you may wish to leave a comment reminding me of this fact.

If you think that my Ice Skting is as good as Torvill and Dean, as well as finding out who Torvill and Dean are, you may want to leave a comment lying through your teeth, and cheering me up!

If you want to be CATCOUK for a week or two, LEAVE A COMMENT NOW!

Another slow news week was it?

Just like a small child, with all of the hipe now building up in the shops, I am getting ever so slightly excited over a little event coming up, known to many, as Christmas. So for the next few weeks, I'll give you my official CATCOUK countdown to Christmas.

From today (Sunday when this was written) you have only 41 shopping days left to Christmas (unless you live in Lancing, in whuch case you have only 41 shoplifting days to Christmas).

As I'm sure the most observant of you will have noticed, it has been another slow week in my world. So for a vague attempt at humour, I'm going to throw together some completely unrelated stuff, in the hopes that you will come back next week. Oh well, I'm trying...

To start with, I have to tell you that I have endured a terrible cold all week. Just like Chris Moyles, I know that when I'm ill, it is a National Tradegy. So fear not, for I have now fully recovered, but not before struggling through a horrible cold. It was one of those colds where you woke up with absolutly no energy whatsoever. I litterally had just enough energy to get out of bed, drive to Uni, sleep through lectures, drive home (whilst sleeping), and then go to bed (again to sleep, rather than with someone else...).

But even with my plague, I struggled on, and still went to University, and still went to work. Although why on Earth I made an effort to go to Sainsbury's I'll never know... (guessed I must have been ill - oh I was). Just like I always say: 5 minutes early is on time, on time is late. Although what that has to do with being ill I don't know.

The band has started learning Christmas tunes this week, ready for a Christmas lights thing in Chichester. An officer from the Chichester unit (TS Sturdy) has sent us all the music he wants us to play (as it's his event). The officer is question who shall remain nameless (evening Graham by the way) has given us EIGHT tunes to learn from scratch in three band nights. Hard times ahead I feel.

But we had a bash at them on Monday (bash being the operative word). I swear Graham, I'm going to nut you for unleashing the horrors of 'Little Donkey' upon us. Ironically, it's also the only tune that the whole band can play... If I hear that tune again, I'm going to have to drive my car clear over a cliff. The drumming to it is impossible. Anything that we've tried just sounds really messy. ARGHHH!

Finally, (to make up for the series of long blogs lately) I would like to thank everyone that has offered me support this week. Not wanting to hide anything from my faithful readers, so I'll tell you as well, my parents are splitting up. So thank you everyone that has been there for me. This post is dedicated to all of you. Offers have gone from 'you know my number' to 'I'll cook you dinner', and one friend even offered me a bed (well her settee anyway).

To try and avoid ending on a bum note, some of you may remember that our Marching Band recently did amazingly well. If you'd like to see why we did so well (or just see me in funny clothes playing a drum), you can now watch a video of our routine on YouTube! So that you all appreciate the effort involved, I spent over an hour editing that movie. It's not an epic, like Gandhi, or Borat: Cultural Learnings of America Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, but it is award winning... Sorry, multi-award winning! Thanks to the people at the University's Media Centre (whose patience must have been tried - what I know about media fits nicely onto the head of a very small pin). If you like the film, please leave a comment, and a 5 star rating. Mainly so that the young people in my group know how well they did...

If you think yet again, I've wasted your time with this dribble, and I really should work harder at getting decent news stories, why not leave a comment telling me I'm a slacker.

If (by some miracle) you enjoyed this week's post, why not leave a comment telling me that you don't get out much (even less than me - and that would be a feat!).

(PS - I won't mention Graham's name in this post, as I don't want any backlash to Graham for the torture that is small children trying to play 'Little Donkey'. Afterall, Graham didn't write the devil's own carol, no that came from Beelzebub's own satanic fart... Graham just chose the carol, so we shouldn't hold it against Graham. So for goodness sake, don't mentions Graham's name - got it?)

At least with you, 50% of what you say is relevant...

Good morning CATCOUK fans!

Apologies for late blogging, but I have had a VERY busy weekend. Today's title is brought to you by a friend of mine, and you'll find out why later on in the post (keeping you gripped!).

Monday of this week, I bought a new mobile phone, bringing myself into the 21st century. As well as being able to make phone calls, and text people (yep, phones can still do those things) this phone has an MP3 player, can make video calls, and take photos! As I told you in a previous post, my camera is broken, so this camera has come in handy!

But I'm going off on a tangent. This weekend has been exceptionally busy. I was up at 6.30am Staurday morning to take Hannah, Holly, and Luke to the NTC's sailing centre to go on the powerboat course I got them booked on. I picked up Hannah and Luke first, and then went on to Holly's house. She got in the car, and looked a bit ill (she's had a cold recently, and I'm guessing the 7.30 start for her was a bit early).

By this time of course I'm quite bouncy and enthusiastic. Holly looked at me with quite a sour expression, and asked 'Are you always up at this time of the morning?'. Of course I am, most weekends I have to be up ready for the NTC with all of my usual enthusiam in front of kids. Needless to say, Holly would have been quite happy to go back to sleep.
Did I mention last week that we won a couple of trophies...

So I dropped the three of them off in Portsmouth, at 8am, and then drove to Lancing ready for a Band performance with our award winning Marching Band. I arrived at the Parish Hall at 9.30am, and we were there until 1pm. Thanks to Lancing & Sompting Lions club for a really good morning, and Mrs. Orchard raised £60 on our stall! We're now a wingmirror closer to a minibus for the group!!!

In the afternoon I took Mum shopping. By this point, as you'll see below, I was getting a bit snap happy with the camera on my phone. This next picture shows you a happy little character that Sainsbury's are selling for Christmas. I'm sure you've all seen this type of thing, you squeeze thge paw, and it sings.

Me and Mum is Sainsbury's, we just love it... not.

Me with a nearly whole hand on bananas (there's only 6 there, and 7 make a hand).

This week whilst I was sitting on the till, a small child was setting off this particular toy over and over again. Now I'm no humbug, but is it wrong to think about axing an entertaining stuffed raindeer to death? My goodness, it was driving me bonkers! I quite liked it the first couple of times, but on the tenth playing...

Jingle and indeed Bells. The bells, the bells... HELP!!!

But back to my weekend. 7pm came, and my £300 dinner jacket got it's annual dusting off. The Lions Charter Night (dinner dance) was a particularly good evening. Unlike most posh restaurants, the food here was actually quite good. And by that I mean we actually got some food. With these posh places, the food is normally all art, and no food. A couple of leaves sprinkled with a dribble of colour stuff.

Incase you wondered, I'm on the right, and good lord, is that a bowtie?

Well, the starter was like this, three thin slices of melon, and a dribble of red sauce over the top. Oh dear. But the main course was a reasonable sized piece of chicken, and then a huge bowl of crumble for afters! Well done.

10pm came, the speeches were over, and dashed back to the Mark 4, and drove back down to Portsmouth. I arrived there at 10.45pm. Whenever I've been down to NSTC Lion (the sailing centre) with the youth group, we send the kids to bed at 10.30, and then the officers are up until the smal hours chatting. So you can imagine my suprise when I arrived, and everyone either in bed, or on their way to bed! Light weights...

Sunday, I spent the morning assisting on the powerboat course, and everyone passed. We were talking about other members on the Powerboat course, and Holly had said how she couldn't understand how on particular bloke could keep talking about such irrelevant stuff. And here comes the quote.. 'At least with you [Andy], 50% of what you say is relevant'. Oh thank you very much!

I should also point out that Hannah is a trainee teacher. She's obviously not very well behaved on her course, because she's been sentenced to doing her teacher training at Lancing's Boundstone Community College (the t's are silent if you talk to any of the kids). But I told Hannah that she'd be alright, just as long as she kept wearing that stab vest!

Driving... yeah I did alot of that this weekend.

Luke and Hannah - drugs aren't cool kids!

Holly (she's really worried that she didn't look good enough - well you can't look good all the time... lol)

Anyways, 2.30pm, and I left Portsmouth, droppedmy friends off in Chichester, and arrived in Lancing (again) at 4pm - ready for yet another band engagement. There was also a band engagement last night, but I was at the Lion's dinner dance. So we loaded up the cars, met up with our sister ships, and formed a huge combined marching band to lead the 15 000 people at the Guildford fireworks carnival procession.

I eventually got home last night at 11.10pm, had some dinnr, and write a quick blog post. But before I finish, I really must say a big thank you to the one person that made this weekend possible - Ernie (my 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate in Champagne Gold). Over the weekend, my 20 year old car did 390 miles! 20 years old, and my car has never let me down. That's better than most modern cars!

87 000 miles young - Good ol' Ernie, he's not let me down yet!

If you've had busier weekends, and think that I'm pathetic, and should really stop complaining (did I mention I also have a cold), leave me a message saying that your car has down 1390 miles!

If you now understand me better, and no longer think that my work in the NTC is a bit geeky, you could leave a message saying that your name is Holly....

Stay tuned...

Sorry, this week's post is going to be a day late. It's now Sunday at 11.57 (and not the one with daylight), and I really REALLY need some sleep.

Tune in from Monday after 1200 to find out why (what a cliff-hanger)...

Well, that was a relaxing half term (oh, I mean 'reading week'...)

Relax. No need to cover your ears! This week's 'show' is being 'broadcast' using my keyboard only. You don't have to hear my dolcit tones through your speakers this week!

To briefly cover last week's attempt...

Apologies to everyone. I owe you all 25 minutes of your life back (although I'm sure it's MUCH more if you read this dribble every week). The response was varied, from 'I feel dirty' to 'You had me in tears with laughter'. Not everyone pur their comments on my Blog, some just resorted to that old fashioned method of speaking to me! Thanks to my brother Ian for doing the news, Comedic Dave (to avoid Radio 1 copywright). When we recorded the interview (me and Comedic Dave were in my car, at the Uni car park out the back of the Art block. Yes, there was a skip full of rubbish).

Before we get onto this week (WARNING: LONG BLOG ALERT) I need to cover some house keeping. First off, my digital camera is just about dead - in Monty Python's words, it's an Ex-Parrot (or camera). My pictures from now on are pretty rubbish. Sorry.

Also, the winner of the Mars bar (sorry to all others) was Scott Harris for getting joint top score of 70% on the Bebo October Quiz, and for contacting me first after last week's podcast. Congratulations Scott! We had a lavish awards ceremony on Friday (and after the photo was taken, I nearly walked off with the prize!!!).

Scott wins the OCTOBER QUIZ (only on catcouk.bebo.com)

So, on to this week. I had the week 'off' Uni this week, as it's our version of half-term, laughably known as 'Reading Week'. I have been working flat out over the last couple of weeks, whilst also trying to recover from clinical depression and stress. I know this will come as a shock to the CATCOUK faithful, but it is the truth. So anyways, I'm not after sympathy, you just need to understand that I really needed a rest this week!

Driving home Friday afternoon last week, I sat in my car, and laughed! Relax! This week. Chance would be a fine thing! Here is my week of fun:

Last FRIDAY: TS Intrepid host an open evening. A big event for my youth group, as it was pretty much make or break. It being the case that I'm the general dog's body on the ship (and I do most things) I was racing around like a blue ar**d fly trying to get everything ready in time. Everything was just ready as doors opened at 7.30pm, and I threw my uniform on, so that I could play with the band.

Things calm down after a really succesful evening, and I'm talking with the boss (Commanding Officer Brian). He said to me, 'years ago, he would have been really worried about an evening like tonight. But it was nice not to worry tonight, because I knew my junior officers were taking care of it. Years ago, I would have been running about like a mad man organising it, and it was nice to see someone else doing it for a change!' Yeah - ME! Thanks Brian! You can keep the CO's badge for many years yet...

Sorry Holly, this was why I couldn't come to Shieks that night!

Last SATURDAY/ SUNDAY: I attended an RYA Safety Boat course in Portsmouth (NSTC Lion), whilst my Marching Band (with NTC youth group) had a band training sleepover weekend. The course wasn't stressful, but it was important to take note - I might have to use the knowledge to save lives one day. But after the course was finished on the Saturday, I drove the 40 miles back to Lancing to spend the evening with my band.

I drove 40 miles to get a bad back sleeping on a rock hard stage (that amplified farts into earthquakes - me an my fellow officers were woken up at 5 with the loudest fart in the history of mankind - Hi Shaun). I drove 40 miles to get one of my cadets say to me 'Why aren't you here? We need you! You're out of order and just not committed!' I'm sure you can imagine I had some choice words for him (Hi Sam). I drove 40 miles to then drive 40 miles back the next morning for part deux of the Safety Boat course. I am now a fully qualified RYA Safety Boatman now though. To find out if how the band did, read on...

TUESDAY: Having missed Mum's birthday last Tuesday (busy at Uni, left home at 8am, got back at 10pm) I took Mum down to Gun Wharf Quays, Portsmouth. We also went up the Spinnaker Tower (a birthday treat for Mum - Happy 51st Birthday Moo!).

Happy Birthday Moo (Mum's nickname, whilst I am Roo - AndROO), waiting in the que to go up Portsmouth's Spinnaker Tower. For more happy snaps, check out the album on my Bebo.

THURSDAY/ FRIDAY: Shock Horror! I actually went to University on these two days! I really had to do some work, as I have a 2000 word psychology assignment for next week. And I just couldn't get motivated. Ironice really, seeing as how motivation was the subject of the assignment...

SATURDAY: My friend Rob was down from London (Hi Rob), so we went out for the day with our friend Scott. And then we spent the evening watching Littlehampton Bonfire parade! I eventually got home at 11pm!

SUNDAY: Oh my god. I can't even begin to tell you how stressful Sunday was. The Nautical Training Corps National Band Contest (what the band was practicing last week). Anyone that has ever performed in a competition of any sort will know how stressful that is alone, but I also had to do the PR for this event, so again (like last Friday) I was running around like a headless chicken. But it was worth.

Really I should devote a whole post to this, but I think this makes my point subtly enough:






WE WON! WE WON! WE WON! WE WON! WE WON!
WE WON! WE WON! WE WON! WE WON! WE WON!
WE WON! WE WON! WE WON! WE WON! WE WON!

Point made. All of the hard work paid off. The Marching Band of TS Intrepid NTC had it's most successful contest EVER! In the ship's 45 year history, we have never won so many awards: 7 trophies (there were only 3 we didn't get!): Best Percussion, Best Mallets (bell lyres), Best General Music Effect, Best Display and Showmanship, Best Dress and Turnout (smart uniforms), Best Drum Major (person at the front with big stick), and CHAMPIONS OF NOVICE CLASS with 590 points (4th highest score accross ALL of the bands in ALL of the classes).

The multi-award winning Novice Class champions - 2006: the Marching Band of TS INTREPID. Look - that's me on the right!

Just incredible. 5 weeks ago, we didn't even really have a whole band (only 9 people). Most of all (and I've chanted this all day) I am so impressed with our Drum Major (well done Lizzie). She only JOINED THE SHIP 6 weeks ago! I just asked if she'd like to have a go, and she was 1.25 (that's one and a quarter) points away from winning best drum major out of any of the classes (all above awards are best in Novice Class).

I can't type enough for you to feel my excitement. I am so proud of all of my cadets. Regardless of who takes the mick out of me for doing what I do with the NTC (yes Chris Hodgson [Uni Lecturer] - I mean you!), I am amazed. We even won best percussion with ME playing a drum - what is going on? If I can get some paperwork done, I'll put our performance on YouTube. Brilliant.

So, that was my nice relaxing (ha ha) week away from Uni. I'm now up late tonight telling you, and I'll be sleeping... no I mean sitting and listening intently in a lecture tommorrow. Have a good week y'all!

If you think I'm a wuss, and really, I did have a relaxing week, and I should try working for a living instead of a being a scumbag student, why not leave a comment telling me how much you hate me.

If you understand what I'm saying, and would like to help me 'relax' (females only - not you Abdulha...) leave me a comment starting with 'Relax, don't do it, when you want to go to it'.

SPECIAL: Good Morning Viet Nam (no, I mean Sussex)

As regular bloggers will know, I threatened to create a 'breakfast radio show' podcast (MP3). Well, I have the pleasure of announcing this special edition of CATCOUK. This week's post is downloadable as a 25 minute podcast (with music).

The podcast should be available from Monday morning (but if it's not, try again from Monday evening - I'm not uploading it, a friend is [Thanks to Ian 'Horatio Abdulha' Emery]). So, in true Chris Moyles Show style:

DOWNLOAD THE PODCAST - NOW!

If you can't download this by Tuesday morning, please let me know!!!

Just in case you can't, here's a quick list of what's coming up in today's show (add your own background music...):

Rubbish from me,
Celebrity interview with 'Comedy Dave' (you know that bloke from the Chris Moyles Show...),
And todays most average music for Sussex,
Coming up today, only on Flora 109.2!!

Don't touvh that dial, stay tuned to CATCOUK for more rubbish next week...

A student's life for me

Crikey! Two University themed posts in as many weeks!

Well, as you may have guessed, it's that time of the week again! Another chance to read about the exciting life of me, your amazingly good looking host, Andy (well, I am if you shut your eyes, and think of some one good looking...). Anyways, I would like to tell you an epic story of hardship, late nights, and lots of work. I would like to tell you about student life!

Last week, you heard about life at one end of the spectrum - it's all glamorous nights out, with glamourous people, followed by glamourous trips to the doctor! Unfortunatly, being the sad git that I am, I know nothing of the normal student excitement, for I am chained to my laptop. Well, I do alot of work on it anyway!

One thing that really gets to me (as I'm sure regular readers will know) is working for Sainsbury's on the tills. In fact, I described working on the tills full-time this week as "a fate worse than death!" But Sainsbury's can't be all fun and games... Oh no. I have to wile away the hours of boredom with something productive. Now normally, I'd plan something for NTC, but when it got to 7 o'clock on Thursday evening, I'd planned just about all that I could plan!

Sitting there at the till, slowly contemplating suicide using a barcode reader, I realised that I could do something! I had to hand some work in Friday morning at Uni! So, I tore a blank till reciept off, and started to plan my 'lesson' (for that was the task). A work of genious.

Do you have a reciept for that sir? Another beautifully crafted bit of degree level homework!

Unfortunatly, I couldn't concentrate on my work as much as I'd like to, as these customers kept coming to my till, expecting service! Anyways, when I went home at 10 o'clock, I had a complete plan of what I wanted on the lesson plan, the resourcse that I'd need, how many staff, and what activities I'd be doing (and how long for). Of course, I wouldn't want the lecturers thinking I'd done it the night before, so I typed it up neatly on my laptop, ready to hand in (although if your reading this Matt or Reg, I guess the game's up!).

So that's how I get alot of work done. I do Uni work when I'm meant to be working at Sainsbury's, and I do NTC work, when I'm meant to be doing Uni stuff. It all works! Well, unless you're Sainsbury's, in which case, I guess you're not really getting your money's worth!

Now, another aspect of studentn life, is where we live. I live at home with parents, and get my food cooked/ burnt for me by Mum (cheers Moo if you're reading). As shocking as this sounds, some students have to really 'slum it' as they live in student houses. They're forced to burn their own food, and live in filthy conditions for the year (well, until the landlords clean the houses out spotlessly clean ready for the next year's students!).

But I learnt this week, that one of my friends does not have to lower herself to Student life. To keep this persons identity a secret, we'll call her Siobhan Todd, of Worthing, and the University of the West of England, Bristol (UWE). I think that's kept her name secret enough. Anyways, I should explain that Siobhan does an environmental course, with the Environment Agency. She only has to go to the Bristol Uni for odd weeks here and there.

So, talking to her the other day, and she told me she was at UWE this week. I said in sympathy, did you have to spend the week in halls? No. Student Housing? No. Relatives houses? No. Travel Lodge/ Holiday Inn type thing? No. Siobhan (have I named and shamed her enough yet, not that that is her real name of course...) was put up in a country house/ hotel in the countryside! She didn't even have to cook - it was full board! The Environment Agency pay for it!

Restoration: No bloke from the BBC, but I am refurbishing the roofrack of this 'classic' car.

Now, we're not just talking a farmhouse, or something subtle here! No, no. This is a full-on country manor, that businesses hire out for conferences and the like. Oh poor Siobhan (oop's the name's slipped out again). Well, I suppose all we can do is congratulate Siobhan on her choice of course... It's not like I'm going to Lazarote with Adventure Ed in January for some winter sunshine...

Finally, I'd like your help. As my trusted band of bloggers (that's you if your reading this now - even you Partario Basin, who I have no idea who you are) I listen to your comments. As many of you will know, I drive a very unique car (a 1986 Ford Escort Estate 1.4 GL). And one of the things that makes my car so special, is the very unique roofrack. The roofrack is off of a 1960's Ford Transit Van (and therefore - HUGE!). It takes up the whole length of my roof! I am refurbishing it (getting rid of the rust, and painting it). What colour should I paint it? At the moment, I'm thinking either black (like the Camel Trophy Land Rovers), or Champagne Gold (to match my car's colour). Leave a comment telling me what colour you suggest, anf why.

If you couldn't care less about what colour my roofrack is, because in 6 months you'll have crashed into me, writing the car off, why not leave me a comment warning me to keep off the road?

If you have a crazy suggestion for the colour of my roofrack (or even a sensible one), why not leave me a message, so that I can think about painting it that colour (and before you say it, no I won't be spraying it pink anytime soon...)?

[LEGAL NOTICE: Any names or places used in this post are fictional, and any resemblance to real palces or persons dead or alive is purely coincidental. Even if your name is Siobhan Todd, and you live in Worthing, and study at the University of the West of England, with the Enviorinment Agency, it is just a conicidence. Thank you.]

Adventure Education Social - October

Hello, Bonjour, Gutten Tag, Ola, Kiora, and Bonnet-de-doche! Welcome to another awe-inspiring post from the one and only CATCOUK (yeah right, but the build up was good!)

As many of you will know, I am a scumbag University Student at the University of Chichester, studying ADVENTURE EDUCATION (basically an excuse to go Kayaking and Climbing, but with a bit of theory thrown in...). There aren't many of us on our course (30 per year group), and we organise social events to get to know each year group better. This month, some of the lads in my year decided to organise a male-only trip to 'the clinic'.

For those of you that havn't already cottened on, a couple of my friends have been having some pains in some... personal areas (for those of you that are under 18, they have a cold). University life being what it is, these guys have clearly had a good time (something that I'm missing out on somewhere). Anyways, 3 out of the 4 that live in a house together, decided to go to 'the clinic', after having some discomfort down there (again, if you're under 18, they recently went to Australia). The fourth housemate (not wanting to be left out) joined the band wagon (he really didn't have any problems, he just wanted the trip out... nice).

As word got around, another two bloke from my course (who had equal issues) decided to join the social outing, and this Thursday, they all had a 'clen out' (once more, if you're under 18, it was their nose that was cleaned out). Now, as many of my male readers now sit there with their legs crossed, I have the pleasure of reporting that the all clear was given to all 6 people - no STD's there (lastly, if you're under 18, none of them were allowed to join the Special Tactical Devision in the Army because of their cold).

Normally, I can't attend socials because I work every evening of the week. But this was one social I'm quite pleased I couldn't attend!

Now, on the subject of Adult Games ([sigh] so fo those under 18, this means games like Poker...) a poll came out this week, of the best cars to play... er... POKER! The number one car for this type of... 'activity' is a VOLVO ESTATE (which I drove for 4 months!!!). My readers will be pleased to hear that I can confirm this. A Volvo V70 is a great car for playing adult games in the back - I once played Chess in the back with my friend Louise (but that was all).

Who needs a Jaguar? My cat (Monty) helping to make my Dad feel like he drives a Jag. But he doesn't need to, because this is the award-winning Volvo V70 - the best car for playing 'Doctors & Nurses' in! Think how many stretchers you could get in the boot...

Anyways, the fun of this poll doesn't end there! Oh no. Guess what car came 5th? That's right! A FORD ESCORT (which for those of you that havn't realised by now, I drive!). I'm sure many of my female readers are swooning at the thought of my car's back seats, and I'm open to offers. Just start your comment (below) with - I'D LIKE TO PLAY CHESS WITH YOU. I have to warn all readers though, that my rear suspension isn't that soft...

In the words of the Hoff this week - Jump in MY car! - Me with my Ford Escort - statistically the 5th best car for playing 'Hide the Sausage' in - and look! I've got an Estate! Think how many sauages you could fit in there!

No really, Jump In My Car - I've blown the picture up so that you can see my T-Shirt. To support the Hoff's attempt at No. 1 I wore my Knight Rider T-Shirt. Look! It's the Hoff! (Sad thing is, I took this picture back in May!)

Anyways, that's it from me this week! Shock horror! This week's post was short and painless (just like the Adventure Ed social - so my colleagues assure me....).

If you've enjoyed playing Poker in an Escort, and you feel the findings of this poll was inaccurate, why not leave a comment suggesting that I buy a new car?

If you'd like to test the findings of this poll, why not leave a comment asking for my Dad's E-mail address...?

BEBO UPDATE - October

Hi CATCOUK addicts.

catcouk.bebo.com

New Quiz and a New Poll on my Bebo. The best score on the 30th October 2006 of the October quiz will win A MARS BAR. Get quizzing guys and gals - but not before you read this weeks post - just below.

Smile for the camera!

It's that time of the week again. Another post from CATCOUK, and another hour long read ahead of you (well, I did always read slowly...)

This week, I bring you news of great joy! In the media this week has been alot of stats about Speed Cameras. Obviously, there isn't a single sane driver in the U.K. that actually likes the damned things (and for our international readers, I'm sure other countries hate them as well). In fact, I can provide proof to you, that we as the British public hate the pesky things.

I was driving to Band practice this Monday evening. Part of my route goes along a stretch of dual carriageway that has had many accidents over the years. Quite rightly so, the local council have lowered the speed limit (from 70 to 50mph), resurfaced the road, added other restrictions (like closing junctions, and adding traffic lights). Anyways, these methods have greatly reduced the number of accidents, and you couldn't really call this road an 'ACCIDENT BLACKSPOT' any more.

But not happy with making our life miserable with tax, and eveything else they do, the concil decided to add a speed camera to this bit of road. Without really telling us. I drove along here on Saturday, and there was nothing - not even builders/ or highway men as I think I'll call them. They put this camera up on Sunday apparently. Naturally, I put the anchors on to make sure I'm doing less than 50 (which, for legal reasons, I must already have been doing...).

I drove past this same camera again later in the week. I was prepared for it this time, so I 'made sure I was at speed' (ie slowed down) early. But as I drove past, I noticed the camera looked a little bit odd. On the return journey, I saw that something had happened to the camera! After many minutes of laughter, I realised that the locals had clearly decided to take action on our council's new 'cash fund'.

Smile for (or is that LAUGH AT) the camera: WSCC latest cash fund destroyed.

It turns out, that the camera was burned Monday night, less than 48 hours after it had appeared! The culprit placed a tire around the top of the camera, and then set the tire on fire. Local coppers say that they believe this is the action of a Nationwide group, that go around doing this to cameras all over the country. It's not a local person just copying the idea of other drivers accross the country...

The council say that they will replace this camera, as local people want it. Now I'm no expert, but this camera was burnt down 48hrs. after it was put up. Local people WANT IT?!?! Right.... The council clearly havn't taken the hint on this one.

If you think speed cameras are a good thing, and the 15% of accidents they prevent to stop are worth while, why not leave a comment telling me what a good driver you are (just after phoning the police to try and implicate me in this arson attack).

If you hate speed cameras more than the thought of the 'Hoff' in the shower [shudder], why not leave a comment saying what an excellent driver you are, and that Speed Cameras cause more rear-ending accidents, than they prevent.

[LEGAL NOTICE: CATCOUK and it's editor(s) have in no way participated, nor support the illegal activities involved with the Speed Camera mentioned in this post. Any comments made that sound like support for this kind of activity, are made purely in jest, and readers should respect the law and understand that CATCOUK does not encourage anyone to start burning speed cameras by putting tires around the tops, and setting light to them - think of the environmental damage. If you'd like to discuss this further, or bring me in for questioning, why not leave a comment, starting your comment with "Hello, hello, hello. What's going on 'ere then".]

My week in a Sardine Tin

Hello again. I have to start off by apologising for last week's substandard, very poor, could do better post. It was uterly, utlery useless (a bit like the RAF, as quoted from a leaked E-mail). This week's post (I hope) is a better.

This week my car was not very well. As regular readers will know, I drive a classic car, and I am the envy of car lovers everywhere! I own a 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate, complete with characteristic rusty rear wheel arches. My car is nothing short of incredible (if I do say so myself), and has served me faithfully and reliably for a whole year. But alas, the dream could not go on...

I handed my car over to the garage this week, as it had a coolant leak. Not being very mechanically minded, I had hoped that it was a dodgy hose somewhere, and it would be a case of a bit of gaffa tape, £50 thank you very much. I had hoped! It started off badly, as I was 'delayed' at home (I overslept), so didn't arrive at the garage until 11am. I had agreed to use a courtesy car while my car was with them, and I naturally looked forward to it. Last time I got a choice of cars out of their showroom (and I got a 10 year old top of the range 1.6i Escort that went... very fast!). But we must remember that I was late, so I was punished. Harshly.

My car for the day (and thank god it was only for a day), was a Ford Ka. I'm sure it's a great little car, and many people really liked it. But that's just the point. It's a LITTLE car. I felt like I was driving one of those clown cars, that you have to sit on top.

But that's a GIRL'S car.... My courtesy Ka! (get the pun - Ka's pronounced car... ha ha ha...)

So, I get this car, and I find more and more things that annoy me about it. I have to start with saying that I didn't think that I would find a car with less spec than my 20 year old Escort. Granted, my car was far from the basic model, but technology has moved on so much! This Ka had the electrical ability of a walnut! No electric windows, no air-con, no CD player, not even electric mirrors (which my car DOES have...). Bearing in mind that this car is about 30 cm (1 ft) long, and my car is 5 metres (15ft) long, you'll understand my disbelief that this car needed POWER STEERING! You'd have to have lost the will to live to actually need power steering in a car THIS small...

Even the radio was less able than what I have in my car. This radio had the ability to remember three FM stations, and could only recieve FM stations (whereas my car saves 6 stations in each band [FM, MW, LW]). The display, despite being at least 10 years newer, looked like it was off a £5 wrist watch. See the picture below if you don't believe me. This radio is about three times the size of the car, yet had all the sophistication of a 1940's wireless!
Less ROLLING stones, and more STONEage!: check out the wrist watch inspired display.

So after my initial rants, we move onto me actually driving away. The garage is in Bognor, and I was going to University in Chichester. I was using the A259, and just before Chichester, there is a bit of dual carriageway. As with any courtesy car, it's law to see what the car is able to do. I was impressed, the car pulled well (a good point!?!?!). Whenever I 'put my foot down', I always keep an eye on the rev' counter, to see how hard the car is working. This car didn't have one. The engine didn't even make good car noises, so it could have been about to blow up, and I wouldn't know. Just shifted up to be on the safe side.

But also, I have to point out how small the wheel is. Most cars have a wheel that could be descibed as plate size, or bigger. This car's steering wheel was more closely related to the saucer family. It was tiny. Mind you, the car didn't need anything bigger.

All revved up? I was, but as for the car - who knows...

I arrived at Uni, very annoyed with the whole driving experience. But hey, it was only for a day. Bit of gaffa around a hose. Right? Wrong. I got a call from the garage: new radiator, new water pump, new cam belt - £256 thank you very much. Brilliant. Bearing in mind I've done 14 000 miles in the car, I suppose that's not really too bad. So I'll pay it. Real downside though, I couldn't pick the car up until the following evening.

But the story doesn't end there. Oh no. With each passing day, there was a supply problem. And with each day , I realised something else I hated about the Ka. The suppliers had trouble getting me a radiator, as my car was 'so old' (cheeky beggars...). The next day, the suppliers had sent the wrong radiator. Lastly, on Friday (after spending 4 days in that... sarding tin) I got my car back.

Other problems with the car included: the shape reminded me of high heeled shoes (I'm not that kind of bloke); it didn't acclerate from standing very well (I got to just the point where I'm thinking "Oh my god that car is going to hit me!" and the car finally finds some power); and on the last day, the indicator noise went mad, and just kept clicking. Kept clicking so much, that it came to the point where I went mad and quietly asked the indicator clicky noise thing to "SHUT UP!!!!!".

Eventually Friday came, and I saw my repaired car! I paid the bill (which I was happy to do, to get my comfortable, fast, reliable, and able car back), and went into the garage. I sighed with relief, and ran to my car, and gave it a great big hug! I love my car, and really missed him. The gearbox may be so far apart that you have to go into different counties to go from 1st to 2nd gear (5th gear is in Norfolk), and you may need arms of steel to steer the car. But when you look behind to reverse, you're in no danger of hitting you nose on the rear windscreen, there's actually a small country behind my seat! It is my car, and I love it. As my friend Lee said to me: "It's all about the Escort!" I love it!

Give your Escort a hug on this Sunday 25th September - International (Andy bourght an) Escort Day!

On a special note, I have to celebrate a whole year of Escort. It was on year ago today (Sunday 24th September 2006) that I bourght my car. It was a sunny Saturday last year, that my car rolled smoothly out of the show room in Bognor. It was a pain to turn the wheel, but I've loved him ever since. Long live the Escort! Happy International Escort Day everybody (as today shall be known as from this day forward)!

A NOTE TO REGULAR READERS: If you actually enjoy reading this sort of dribble, I've noticed two kinds of readers. There are those of you that read this in a weekly slot (mainly to pass the time at work [Paul Tyler]), and those the check as often as possible to see if I've posted again. I try and update this blog weekly, on Sunday evenings. So if you need to read my posts as soon as they come out, try 12pm Sunday night... If I add extra posts, I'll tell you. Cheers.

Finally, a quick message of best wishes to Richard Hammond and his family. I'm sure you're all aware of the horrible 300mph accident that he was iinvolved in on Wednesday, and I wish him all the best in his remarkable recovery. Adventurous presenters like Hammond are to be celebrated, and we need him back!

If you drive a Ka, love it, and I have grossly offended you, why not leave a message telling me to shut up, and how rubbish Ford Escorts are.

If you would like to drive my car (keep on dreaming) why not leave a comment, and I'll try and get you the best treatment available...

Don't forget - catcouk.bebo.com. Updated monthly.

Can't get enough CATCOUK?

Can't get enough CATCOUK and Andy?

Check out my Bebo site, for more photos, quizzes, polls, and soon, a video of my karioke!

catcouk.bebo.com!

Don't forget this week's thrilling post below....

Why does my DVD player hate Star Trek?

Firstly, I must apologise. This weeks blog rates no Escorts out of five, it's the Sunday Sport of posts, it is as lame as the Grand National winner 1937 (although I'd expect that horse is actually dead). To sum up, this week's blog is crap. Sorry, but this week has been a bit of a slow news week. Let's hope for better material next week.

As I've already explained, just about bugger all intersting has happenned this week. Ha ha ha - I went to work, what a blast! Because our lucky lecturers went away with the Foundation Degree students on a residential, we've had zip, zero, nuddah lectures (well after Tuesday's environmental rubbish). So as I'm sure you can imagine, I'm clutching at straws with this week's post.

For my first straw clutching attempt, I'll explain this week's title. I bought my DVD player in January 2004, and it works absolutly fine. But as with all things, there came a time when I had to buy my first box set. Being a bit of a trekkie (well more than a bit, but I don't have any pointed ears), I decided my first box set would have to be the original Star Trek series. Christmas 2004, and then the January sales 2005, I managed to get the box set, and The Proffesionals!

Right from the word go, my DVD has always had a problem with Star Trek DVDs. Whenever I put "The Proffesionals" in, or "Starsky & Hutch" or anything that's not Star Trek, the player's fine. But, if I try to put a Star Trek DVD in, my DVD player tries to cut my hand off! The tray will open, I'll go to put the DVD in, and the tray will close. It's not like it opens and closes straight away everytime, sometimes I try and catch it out (hover over the open DVD tray for a while). Just when I think it's safe, I try to put the DVD in, and WHIRRR - the tray slides in again!

Told you I was clutching at straws!

Second load of straws I'm clutching at this week is a psychic pregnancy test. No, I'm not pregnant (saucy git), and niether have I got a friend pregnant (even saucier git). Whilst at work, we ran out of customers, and I was banished to... [shudder] SHELF STACKING!!!!!!!

As horrendous as this all sounds, I didn't have to actually stack the shelves, I just had to do what's known as 'facing-up' (bring all the products to the front, facing the same way). I was sent to the Health & Beauty department (was my supervisor trying to tell me something?), and had to 'face-up' items from toothpaste, to medicines, and from condoms to pregnancy tests. Whilst facing up, I found this one test that claimed it could tell if you were pregnant 4 days early!

No I'm not a women, and I'm sure that has a very serious, completely understandable meaning, but to my mind, that implies it can tell you are pregnant 4 days before conception? How does it know this? You're going to get lucky in 4 nights time, and you'll have forgotten protection! If you know how it works, please tell me.

Lastly, I must inform you that Robbie Williams and Angels is spreading! I regret to tell you that I was joined on stage recently at an NTC disco (who are the NTC? Click Here!). Scott, Graham, and Ian (Abdulha to his friends) all participated in forcing my on stage for the grand finale to Saturday night's Disco. What a mistake that was. Although I'm sure we were all in perfect tune, we weren't exactly in tune with each other... Well it was a good floor clearer anyway!

Thanks for putting up with this rubbish, let's hope for something better next week! Even though it was all rubbish, and went no where, this week's post was still mind-numbingly long. As long as it was boring! Excellent...

If you think this was up to my usual 'standard', and I'm usually rubbish, why not leave a comment telling me to stop boring you to death.
If you appreciated this little view of my world, why not leave a comment, and tell me that you;d pay money to read this (please leave your credit card details).
If you are a women, and understand what that pregnancy test meant, why not leave a comment, saying what a stupid bloke I am, and give all us ignorant guys a full explanation. No really.

Lastly, you can check my Bebo out now. Thanks. catcouk.bebo.com

Hot Shots: Part Deux!

...Last time on CATCOUK...

Read the last article, it's only just down the page one item! BEWARE: This is the second part of a two part post. If you don't read the first part, you might not understand the first part.

So, picking up, where I left off, I am standing in the middle of the student bar, wearing nothing but a smile. Of course the students are far more interested in the donkey, and the chocolate fountain (which by this point was over flowing). I had my glass of dish water, and was being challenged to a down in one. See, I told you to read the first half first.

For those of you that actually have read part one, you'll know that all of the above is a load of old nonsense. I have just sung Angels at the Karioke, and (according to my friends [probably drunk]) I may have even sung it well. I would like to have lived up the hipe a bit more, but I had to dash out the bar to move the car. I hadn't yet paid the car parking permit price (an unbelievable £20 increase on last year [£30]), so I parked my car outside the library in the 30min short stay park. Every 30 minutes I dashed outside to move the car around the car park, and back to a different bay. Although it's no return within 3 hours, I parked in a different bay each time, so I guessed there was safe...

5 of my Uni friends decide to go on to Thursdays (Chichester's only 'Night Club' - if it can be accused of that). There were also a load of Holly's friends (whose 21st birthday we were celebrating) and housemates. Unfortunatly, I had just bourght a pint of Cola (THINK don't drink and drive...), and being as strapped for cash as I was (£7 to live off for the week), I wasn't going to waste it. Apologies to the Zee Bar for nicking a pint glass.

When I rolled up at Thursdays (having transported my pint glass thge whole way), the glass was straight in my hand, and I was drinking out of it, whilst locking the car. In the bad light, I must have looked like a right alcoholic. Well, what would you think? Two blokes roll up to a night club in an old (classic) car, and the driver has a pint glass in his hand, already half empty...

It then strikes me (and my friend Ade), that I can't take the glass inside! So I quickly down my cola, and hand the glass to one of the bouncers. "Cheers mate..." Well, I didn't want broken glass on the floor. Once again, apologies to the Zee Bar - I guess you won't be getting that glass back...

Now, please bear in mind that I have very little money. The fee to get into the club is £3 until 11.15, and then £3.50 after 11.15pm. Imagine my relief when I got to the front desk at 11.13! May I just take a moment to explain a few things. I don't drink, and I really can't dance (no - really). In my observation, all you can do in a Night Club is drink and dance. So one has to ask - WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN A NIGHT CLUB!!! To be honest, I hate the things. All I like to do of an evening, is sit down, drink some cold coke, and chat. You simply can't talk over the boomin sound systems in clubs.

So may I just say that Thursdays has to be the best Night Club ever in the history of Andy - Ever! They have the normal dance floor (for normal students), a shots bar (again for alcholic [so normal] students), AND a massive garden with seats. As if that wasn't good enough (I love sitting outside), they also have a BBQ!!!! Almost my dream place (the fact that I had people smoking over me all evening was the only turn off).

Anyways, to try and answer some of the questions that I left last time:

Will Holly have a good 21st?
If drunkeness is any indicator of having a good time, the Holly must have had the time of her life! She could barely stand up straight! I'm sure you'd disagree Hols, but I was there (and I had a clear head). Also, when we got back to her house, we had to go and have a bounce on her trampolibe (by which point, she was pronouncing tram-ampoline...). She was still very good (far better than me), and she was doing some impressive things, but as it was so wet, she decked out of the tram-ampoline more than once. She asked in the morning if she'd been on it, and I told her. She said that probably explained those weird bruises...

Will Batman (my friend whose real name is Simon) poo his pants?
That afternoon, Batman had had a particularly dodgy chicken kebab. Understandably he got the Delhi Belly! He decided to go home about 1am, and managed to avoid pooing his pants. (Well that's what he tells us any way)

Will anyone get home before 6am?
Yes, to the best of my knowledge, we all were. (Holly tells me she eventually put her head down at 0545!) Good news, seeing as we all (Advebture Ed) had a 9 am lecture - which we all made it too.

Will I get lucky with some lovely young girl, and cure my problem?
I'm not one to kiss and tell, but let's just say that my disco tune is stll Madonna - "Like a Virgin.." To be honest, even if I had met someone, I just wanted to sleep by the time I got to Holly's couch. I was cream-crackered!

Will I get offered a contract with EMI to duet with Robbie Williams (following my Karioke success)?
Well what do you think? Would I still be wasting everyone's time with this blog if I had that sort of money? Do you think if that was the case, I'd have any women troubles?

That covers all of that. Overall, it was a great evening. I got to see Holly trying to chat up some bloke (although I don't know if she remembers it). I tell you - if you want some good entertainment, get Holly drunk, and then watch her chat up a bloke! What was the first quetion she asked? What car do you drive...

I also couldn't finish this blog, with saying a big thank you to Holly (have I mentioned your name enough?). Although it wasn't until 3.30am that my head eventually hit her couch, she was a very good host. I also extend the thanks to her house mates, for putting up with me. Holly - you were as funny as drunk (when we got home she couldn't stop making sure I was alright - not wanting to be a bad host). She kept offering me a drink, or some food. Anything I needed. To be honest, all I wanted was sleep. I know I've taken the mick, but the hospitality was appreciated. Lots of love.

And to finish the blog, I want to tell you of the 'morning after' events. I was up at 8am, and the house was dead. I carefully crept down the hall, and into the bathroom. I switched on the light, carefully and quietly, and started to wash. Then an almightly loud hum came from the extractor fan (I almost had a heart attack). It wasn't THAT loud, it just seemed loud. Ot then got to 0835, and Holly still wasn't up, so I woke her up. She was still very drunk, but the Diet Coke kept her going. We drove to Uni, and were just in time for lectures!!! Success.

If you think I'm a boring old git, and need to get a life (starting with no longer writing this blog), why not leave a comment telling me to get drunk!
If you are an eligabe attractive young lady (not too young obviously), and think you can help me out, leave me a message entitled - GET YOUR COAT, YOU'VE PULLED!
If you think I'm okay, and understand that I have no life, and that's why I write my blog, why not leave a comment telling me not to drink anything, and write this blog, wired up to a drip in the Hospital!