My week in a Sardine Tin

Hello again. I have to start off by apologising for last week's substandard, very poor, could do better post. It was uterly, utlery useless (a bit like the RAF, as quoted from a leaked E-mail). This week's post (I hope) is a better.

This week my car was not very well. As regular readers will know, I drive a classic car, and I am the envy of car lovers everywhere! I own a 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate, complete with characteristic rusty rear wheel arches. My car is nothing short of incredible (if I do say so myself), and has served me faithfully and reliably for a whole year. But alas, the dream could not go on...

I handed my car over to the garage this week, as it had a coolant leak. Not being very mechanically minded, I had hoped that it was a dodgy hose somewhere, and it would be a case of a bit of gaffa tape, £50 thank you very much. I had hoped! It started off badly, as I was 'delayed' at home (I overslept), so didn't arrive at the garage until 11am. I had agreed to use a courtesy car while my car was with them, and I naturally looked forward to it. Last time I got a choice of cars out of their showroom (and I got a 10 year old top of the range 1.6i Escort that went... very fast!). But we must remember that I was late, so I was punished. Harshly.

My car for the day (and thank god it was only for a day), was a Ford Ka. I'm sure it's a great little car, and many people really liked it. But that's just the point. It's a LITTLE car. I felt like I was driving one of those clown cars, that you have to sit on top.

But that's a GIRL'S car.... My courtesy Ka! (get the pun - Ka's pronounced car... ha ha ha...)

So, I get this car, and I find more and more things that annoy me about it. I have to start with saying that I didn't think that I would find a car with less spec than my 20 year old Escort. Granted, my car was far from the basic model, but technology has moved on so much! This Ka had the electrical ability of a walnut! No electric windows, no air-con, no CD player, not even electric mirrors (which my car DOES have...). Bearing in mind that this car is about 30 cm (1 ft) long, and my car is 5 metres (15ft) long, you'll understand my disbelief that this car needed POWER STEERING! You'd have to have lost the will to live to actually need power steering in a car THIS small...

Even the radio was less able than what I have in my car. This radio had the ability to remember three FM stations, and could only recieve FM stations (whereas my car saves 6 stations in each band [FM, MW, LW]). The display, despite being at least 10 years newer, looked like it was off a £5 wrist watch. See the picture below if you don't believe me. This radio is about three times the size of the car, yet had all the sophistication of a 1940's wireless!
Less ROLLING stones, and more STONEage!: check out the wrist watch inspired display.

So after my initial rants, we move onto me actually driving away. The garage is in Bognor, and I was going to University in Chichester. I was using the A259, and just before Chichester, there is a bit of dual carriageway. As with any courtesy car, it's law to see what the car is able to do. I was impressed, the car pulled well (a good point!?!?!). Whenever I 'put my foot down', I always keep an eye on the rev' counter, to see how hard the car is working. This car didn't have one. The engine didn't even make good car noises, so it could have been about to blow up, and I wouldn't know. Just shifted up to be on the safe side.

But also, I have to point out how small the wheel is. Most cars have a wheel that could be descibed as plate size, or bigger. This car's steering wheel was more closely related to the saucer family. It was tiny. Mind you, the car didn't need anything bigger.

All revved up? I was, but as for the car - who knows...

I arrived at Uni, very annoyed with the whole driving experience. But hey, it was only for a day. Bit of gaffa around a hose. Right? Wrong. I got a call from the garage: new radiator, new water pump, new cam belt - £256 thank you very much. Brilliant. Bearing in mind I've done 14 000 miles in the car, I suppose that's not really too bad. So I'll pay it. Real downside though, I couldn't pick the car up until the following evening.

But the story doesn't end there. Oh no. With each passing day, there was a supply problem. And with each day , I realised something else I hated about the Ka. The suppliers had trouble getting me a radiator, as my car was 'so old' (cheeky beggars...). The next day, the suppliers had sent the wrong radiator. Lastly, on Friday (after spending 4 days in that... sarding tin) I got my car back.

Other problems with the car included: the shape reminded me of high heeled shoes (I'm not that kind of bloke); it didn't acclerate from standing very well (I got to just the point where I'm thinking "Oh my god that car is going to hit me!" and the car finally finds some power); and on the last day, the indicator noise went mad, and just kept clicking. Kept clicking so much, that it came to the point where I went mad and quietly asked the indicator clicky noise thing to "SHUT UP!!!!!".

Eventually Friday came, and I saw my repaired car! I paid the bill (which I was happy to do, to get my comfortable, fast, reliable, and able car back), and went into the garage. I sighed with relief, and ran to my car, and gave it a great big hug! I love my car, and really missed him. The gearbox may be so far apart that you have to go into different counties to go from 1st to 2nd gear (5th gear is in Norfolk), and you may need arms of steel to steer the car. But when you look behind to reverse, you're in no danger of hitting you nose on the rear windscreen, there's actually a small country behind my seat! It is my car, and I love it. As my friend Lee said to me: "It's all about the Escort!" I love it!

Give your Escort a hug on this Sunday 25th September - International (Andy bourght an) Escort Day!

On a special note, I have to celebrate a whole year of Escort. It was on year ago today (Sunday 24th September 2006) that I bourght my car. It was a sunny Saturday last year, that my car rolled smoothly out of the show room in Bognor. It was a pain to turn the wheel, but I've loved him ever since. Long live the Escort! Happy International Escort Day everybody (as today shall be known as from this day forward)!

A NOTE TO REGULAR READERS: If you actually enjoy reading this sort of dribble, I've noticed two kinds of readers. There are those of you that read this in a weekly slot (mainly to pass the time at work [Paul Tyler]), and those the check as often as possible to see if I've posted again. I try and update this blog weekly, on Sunday evenings. So if you need to read my posts as soon as they come out, try 12pm Sunday night... If I add extra posts, I'll tell you. Cheers.

Finally, a quick message of best wishes to Richard Hammond and his family. I'm sure you're all aware of the horrible 300mph accident that he was iinvolved in on Wednesday, and I wish him all the best in his remarkable recovery. Adventurous presenters like Hammond are to be celebrated, and we need him back!

If you drive a Ka, love it, and I have grossly offended you, why not leave a message telling me to shut up, and how rubbish Ford Escorts are.

If you would like to drive my car (keep on dreaming) why not leave a comment, and I'll try and get you the best treatment available...

Don't forget - catcouk.bebo.com. Updated monthly.