Last week, we all rejoiced in the fabulous news of the Corpulent Porpoise sailing once more. My predecessor, and last year’s sailing program in general was plagued with a series of problems. This was not helped by renaming the boat, as is the tradition of the camp. Well, I believe that this is one of the unluckiest things that you can do to a boat.
So, in an attempt to skirt around the boat’s bad luck, I have kept the name this year. This is by a large, in opposition the rest of the staff, who wish the tradition to continue. I have however, put my foot down, and kept the name.
And sure enough, Monday was a glorious day. The ‘Porpoise sailed beautifully on Monday morning, and everything went great. Perhaps all of my fears had been in vain, and my simple action of keeping the name have solved the situation. Wrong.
Sailing back into dock on Tuesday, the boat was quite sailing as I had expected it. We were getting very near the berth, and we began to lower the main sail (theory being that we could sail in just using our front ‘jib’ sail). Suddenly, we heard a ‘crack’, and the jib sail fell down the mast, and fell into the drink. Acting quickly I ordered paddles onto the deck, before the wind could blow us too far away. I hauled the jib sail back on the boat, and we moored up (or parked for those of you that don’t speak nautical).
Upon closer inspection, the rope that keeps the sail at the top of the mast. Now here’s a big irony – one of our assistant camp directors helped us set the boat up. He is not known as a man of great competence (unless you are talking about the camp’s money, or reversing vehicles). So when he said to me ‘that line will never hold’, I of course did the exact opposite. How was I supposed to know that the one time Tom would be right this century was this time.
So anyway, I was now left with a merit badge class to teach, and a pretty vital metal wire stuck at the top of a 25ft mast. Bugger. Apparently the curse of the Corpulent Porpoise continues.
This was a pretty major problem. The best way to complete the job would require us to bring the ‘Porpoise out of the water, lower the mast, sort the problem out, and then reset the mast, and launch again. Unfortunately, this would require the use of a pretty strong vehicle (maybe the Suburban?), and the cast of Ghandi (well 3 or 4 people). I didn’t really want to make use of that many of the camp’s resources, so I developed a plan. Cue Hannibal Smith from The A Team: ‘I love it when a plan comes together’ he says putting a cigar into his mouth.
Using Terry’s car, I would transport an extension ladder to the boat, have another staff member hold the ladder against the mast, whilst I climb to the top of the ladder, and grab the wire. One of the advantages of being a member of ‘Adventure Sports’ is that I have a larger staff that I can call upon for support. So while my assistant Jaffle carries on with the sailing merit badge on the small SunFish, I could borrow another Adventure Sports staff member, and some ‘toys’.
With Terry’s agreement, I loaded the ladder on Wednesday morning, and Mike and I headed for the lake, armed with a climbing harness, a sling, and some lobster claws (like safety clips on the end of two ropes). We arrived at the boat, and set the ladder up. Mke held the bottom, whilst I climbed half way, to throw a sling around the mast, above the spreader bars to secure the ladder.
At this point, I feel the need to point out, that this boat has a fair amount of bad luck surrounding it. The boat is 34 years old, and the securing point that the mast attaches to is weakened. I am about to scale 25ft of this mast, right to the top, whilst it’s in the water, and still wobbling about. Nothing could go wrong with this plan at all! Of course, I wasn’t afraid to carry this out…
In an attempt to go less far up the mast, I had borrowed a long armed magnet from Handicraft, so that I could just magnet the metal wire from just over half way up. Unfortunately the wind had wrapped the boat around several other wires, so the magnet plan wouldn’t work. With all the bad luck, and poor equipment in mind, I nervously began to scale the ladder. I found the wire that I was after, and began unwrapping it quickly. I wasn’t going to hang around here longer than I needed to. Job done, I came back down the ladder, and relaxed.
In the whole operation, nothing went wrong. Which was a good thing, because despite wearing a climbing harness, and having lobster claws attached to me, I never attached the lobster claws to anything else! But hey, I had safety equipment with me.
But the curse of the boat continued. On the way home, we hit a small bump at 25mph, and one of Terry’s roof bars snapped. Well, not actually the metal bar, but one of the silly bloody plastic feet. I was understandably furious, and very upset that I had damaged Terry’s car. I apologised to Terry, and offered to replace the part and/or pay for it. Terry proceeded to say don’t worry about it, as he explained that a replacement would cost $200! Can you believe that? $200, and it can’t even hold a flipping ladder?!?!?!
Following this, I have asked the camp’s gun-totin’ chaplain to exorcise the boat of all it’s demons.
And as if that wasn’t bad enough, the garage have finally contacted home about Ernie. You may remember that a bars in my rear suspension snapped. Well, the garage agreed to hold on to Ernie until his MOT this week, saving Dad having to pick him up. W Jones have never been bad to me, and they have always contacted me if it was going to be a big job. Bearing in mind that the largest bill I have ever paid is £400ish, and the car is only worth £300-£400, you can understand how angree and annoyed I would be at W Jones calling my parents, and saying ‘It’s ready to be picked up, that will be £850 please’. They’ll be receiving a phone call on Monday morning from the United States…
This has been a really bad week, and I was very confident that I was heading for depression. But it is amazing how easy I am to cheer up. One of my friends took me to the local town for some latin American food (which was delicious by the way). Whilst we drove around, Jordan let me drive his Jeep Wrangler!!! Not only is it a small American 4 by 4, but it is also manual. It felt so good to drive automatic again!
Well, here’s hoping for a happier week…
If you knew the jib halyard wouldn’t hold, why not leave a comment saying that you are as knowledgeable as Tom.
If you didn’t know that the jib halyard would snap, why not leave a comment saying that you under estimated the curse of the Corpulent Porpoise.
Quote of the Week: ‘Yeah, we believe in God, Jesus, all that crap’ explained one staff member, as we discussed his faith in Roman Catholicism.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Week Two: Welcome back to Ockanickon!
Hey look, this post was delivered to you on time, thanks to the good people of Ockanickon Scout Reservation, Pennsylvania.
I have to start this post proper by announcing:
THE CORPULENT PORPOISE SAILS AGAIN!!!
After procrastinating for several days, on Wednesday, we finally launched our glorious Catalina 22 sailing boat, named ‘The Corpulent Porpoise’. Our beautiful brown 1970’s boat is now afloat again on Lake Nokamixon, ready to enthral Scouts in the art of sailing. Of course, the path to a floating sailing boat was not easy…
Monday was a day of cleaning and repairing. All of the little bits of wear and tear that had occurred over the Winter needed to be repaired. We also started off the season with the largest department this year, with more than 1000 staff members. Unfortunately, my competent assistant director Joe killed them all. Well, the ants and their nest were a bit of a nuisance. So, despite starting off with the largest department on camp, I now manage the smallest.
We were then hoping to launch on Tuesday. Unfortunately, we had to put some fancy stickers on the boat. Kind of like road tax rather than go faster stripes (not that they would help – nothing will make our boat go faster). So come Wednesday, we finally towed the boat to the lake. I had hoped that it would be a fairly simple affair. Regrettably, I had failed to take the Tom Leitz factor into account.
I freely admit that I didn’t know how to raise the mast of the boat, as I usually play with smaller boats. So, I relied on one of our Asst. Camp Directors who seemed confident that he knew what he was doing. WRONG!!! Mind you, it only took two attempts to raise the mast. After Joe and I had unwrapped the vital cables and lines that were needed.
Having said that though, we launched successfully, and the boat seemed to sail fine. One could almost sail beautifully. Almost. But we did dock with all the grace of an elephant on drugs. Yippee.
Alas, all did not make for a relaxed set-up week. Despite my multiple responsibilities at camp, someone has deemed me, rather bizarrely, as competent. And competency never goes unpunished. On top of being Sailing Director (now offered as part of our Adventure Sports Department) and one of our Commissioners (customer relations), I now also share ‘big brother’ responsibilities for the young staff members, supervise one building for medical check-in, and all round nice guy. Yet in spite if this, I’m still not allowed my own walkie-talkie! Well, I wouldn’t trust a British guy either.
This week, I have done lots of driving. I love driving, but all of these automatic US cars, just aren’t as good as Ernie. Who by the way is due his MOT soon, as well as other repair works. I hope he’s okay. Don’t get me wrong. As under-powered as these cars are, they do give me some freedom, and allow me to get about. Big thanks to Terry who often lends me his car.
Lastly, today has been the first day of camp. Scouts have finally arrived, and the fun really begins. The camp politics are out the window for a while, and I can get down to the business of teaching Americans how to sail. Woo hoo. I also feel the need to say that of the two (hi from Dave Senior ok I love all you UK people ttyl) And thanks for that Dave… anyways… Of the two Medical Recheck buildings, the building I ran didn’t get loads of complaints. I’m counting that as a win!
If you have a message for Dave Senior, a fellow director in Adventure Sports, why not leave a comment.
If you don’t have a message for Dave Senior, but may in fact like to leave a comment anyway, why not leave a comment.
I have to start this post proper by announcing:
THE CORPULENT PORPOISE SAILS AGAIN!!!
After procrastinating for several days, on Wednesday, we finally launched our glorious Catalina 22 sailing boat, named ‘The Corpulent Porpoise’. Our beautiful brown 1970’s boat is now afloat again on Lake Nokamixon, ready to enthral Scouts in the art of sailing. Of course, the path to a floating sailing boat was not easy…
Monday was a day of cleaning and repairing. All of the little bits of wear and tear that had occurred over the Winter needed to be repaired. We also started off the season with the largest department this year, with more than 1000 staff members. Unfortunately, my competent assistant director Joe killed them all. Well, the ants and their nest were a bit of a nuisance. So, despite starting off with the largest department on camp, I now manage the smallest.
We were then hoping to launch on Tuesday. Unfortunately, we had to put some fancy stickers on the boat. Kind of like road tax rather than go faster stripes (not that they would help – nothing will make our boat go faster). So come Wednesday, we finally towed the boat to the lake. I had hoped that it would be a fairly simple affair. Regrettably, I had failed to take the Tom Leitz factor into account.
I freely admit that I didn’t know how to raise the mast of the boat, as I usually play with smaller boats. So, I relied on one of our Asst. Camp Directors who seemed confident that he knew what he was doing. WRONG!!! Mind you, it only took two attempts to raise the mast. After Joe and I had unwrapped the vital cables and lines that were needed.
Having said that though, we launched successfully, and the boat seemed to sail fine. One could almost sail beautifully. Almost. But we did dock with all the grace of an elephant on drugs. Yippee.
Alas, all did not make for a relaxed set-up week. Despite my multiple responsibilities at camp, someone has deemed me, rather bizarrely, as competent. And competency never goes unpunished. On top of being Sailing Director (now offered as part of our Adventure Sports Department) and one of our Commissioners (customer relations), I now also share ‘big brother’ responsibilities for the young staff members, supervise one building for medical check-in, and all round nice guy. Yet in spite if this, I’m still not allowed my own walkie-talkie! Well, I wouldn’t trust a British guy either.
This week, I have done lots of driving. I love driving, but all of these automatic US cars, just aren’t as good as Ernie. Who by the way is due his MOT soon, as well as other repair works. I hope he’s okay. Don’t get me wrong. As under-powered as these cars are, they do give me some freedom, and allow me to get about. Big thanks to Terry who often lends me his car.
Lastly, today has been the first day of camp. Scouts have finally arrived, and the fun really begins. The camp politics are out the window for a while, and I can get down to the business of teaching Americans how to sail. Woo hoo. I also feel the need to say that of the two (hi from Dave Senior ok I love all you UK people ttyl) And thanks for that Dave… anyways… Of the two Medical Recheck buildings, the building I ran didn’t get loads of complaints. I’m counting that as a win!
If you have a message for Dave Senior, a fellow director in Adventure Sports, why not leave a comment.
If you don’t have a message for Dave Senior, but may in fact like to leave a comment anyway, why not leave a comment.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Week One: Welcome back to America
Okay, I know I’m a little late posting, but I’m a busy guy again. This is the first time I’ve been able to sit down with my laptop, and I’m not even on the Internet! Right now I’m sitting in ‘Totem Lodge’ at Ockanickon Scout Reservation after a days hard work, trying desperately to type over the noise of people talking about rotten fish in broken freezers…
So what have I been up to this week. Well, first and foremostly, it would appear that I have arrived in Yankee-Doodle land again. I’m not sure how, but I think I got on a plane. Many of my American friends asked me how the trip was. I know that they are just trying to be polite, but what do they expect me to answer with? We were attacked by dragons mid-flight?
Of course my answer was ‘boring’. I still can’t quite understand how boring flying is. Why did people ever get excited about it? Yeah, yeah, I understand the whole against nature thing, but still – BORING! Although I do have to tip my hat to British Airways once again – superb service and a new entertainment system. It was amazing, I was able to use the entertainment system like BBC iPlayer or YouTube. Hundreds of movies when I wanted it. Despite all of this, they still wouldn’t let me drive!
So, I landed at Philadelphia Airport (I have to say that Newark was a nicer flight, and airport last year), and was told to expect one of the Asst. Camp Directors, Tom (he’s not the one that I went hand gun shooting with last year). I came out of international arrivals, and was expecting to find Tom looking grumpy waiting for me. What I was greeted with, was 8 of my colleagues from last year. Even Pat (the health officer), who I hadn’t expected to see. Most amazing arrival party ever! There’s the bar there Mum and Dad…
By the way, in between writing these paragraphs, I have had dinner, and carried out a rescue drill on the High Ropes course. It’s now 9.30pm.
After arriving in the US, what’s the first thing any normal person would do? (Apart from go through US Customs, and get suspected for being an illegal working immigrant) That’s right – go out and get some Mozzarella sticks! We stopped by a bar called Bennigans (Irish themed) and had drinks and a few snacks.
Since arriving, I have mainly spent my time doing that dreaded r word. Now, what is it again? Re- Re- Rela- Oh yeah, relaxing. It’s been terrible. I haven’t been able to do anything else but. Although having said that, I have found that I’m particularly good at the singing part of that Rock Band Game.
On Friday, I went with a couple of guys to a local theme park – Six Flags Great Adventure. If you have really good memories, you may remember that I visited this place before I left last year, but some of the rides were closed. One in particular I was really gutted about. Kingda Ka shoots you (using some sort of magnet system) at 128 mph into a vertical 450ft climb. The ride only lasts about 30 seconds, but the speed and the view were amazing. The car even began to shake as we neared top speed (just like the taking off in the Space Shuttle I would imagine).
I left a curious comment last week about driving a big ol’ American pickup. Unfortunately, the plan of borrowing a GMC High Sierra 4x4 Pickup has fallen through. My friend (and Asst. Camp Director) Terry is letting me borrow his Toyota. How about that for irony – I have travelled 3000 miles, and the car I am lent is just like a small European car. I guess that is why Terry gave me a 1st Class in driving in the US!
So with all of that in mind, I know launch whole heartedly into Camp Ockanickon’s summer season 2008. I guess, as it’s now 11pm on Tuesday, I have already launched, but I’ll leave those frustrations until next week. Yip-dee-do.
If you drive a big American truck, why not leave a comment saying how high you sit in the road.
If you drive a smaller car, why not leave a comment saying how good your petrol mileage is (or gas mileage if you are American).
So what have I been up to this week. Well, first and foremostly, it would appear that I have arrived in Yankee-Doodle land again. I’m not sure how, but I think I got on a plane. Many of my American friends asked me how the trip was. I know that they are just trying to be polite, but what do they expect me to answer with? We were attacked by dragons mid-flight?
Of course my answer was ‘boring’. I still can’t quite understand how boring flying is. Why did people ever get excited about it? Yeah, yeah, I understand the whole against nature thing, but still – BORING! Although I do have to tip my hat to British Airways once again – superb service and a new entertainment system. It was amazing, I was able to use the entertainment system like BBC iPlayer or YouTube. Hundreds of movies when I wanted it. Despite all of this, they still wouldn’t let me drive!
So, I landed at Philadelphia Airport (I have to say that Newark was a nicer flight, and airport last year), and was told to expect one of the Asst. Camp Directors, Tom (he’s not the one that I went hand gun shooting with last year). I came out of international arrivals, and was expecting to find Tom looking grumpy waiting for me. What I was greeted with, was 8 of my colleagues from last year. Even Pat (the health officer), who I hadn’t expected to see. Most amazing arrival party ever! There’s the bar there Mum and Dad…
By the way, in between writing these paragraphs, I have had dinner, and carried out a rescue drill on the High Ropes course. It’s now 9.30pm.
After arriving in the US, what’s the first thing any normal person would do? (Apart from go through US Customs, and get suspected for being an illegal working immigrant) That’s right – go out and get some Mozzarella sticks! We stopped by a bar called Bennigans (Irish themed) and had drinks and a few snacks.
Since arriving, I have mainly spent my time doing that dreaded r word. Now, what is it again? Re- Re- Rela- Oh yeah, relaxing. It’s been terrible. I haven’t been able to do anything else but. Although having said that, I have found that I’m particularly good at the singing part of that Rock Band Game.
On Friday, I went with a couple of guys to a local theme park – Six Flags Great Adventure. If you have really good memories, you may remember that I visited this place before I left last year, but some of the rides were closed. One in particular I was really gutted about. Kingda Ka shoots you (using some sort of magnet system) at 128 mph into a vertical 450ft climb. The ride only lasts about 30 seconds, but the speed and the view were amazing. The car even began to shake as we neared top speed (just like the taking off in the Space Shuttle I would imagine).
I left a curious comment last week about driving a big ol’ American pickup. Unfortunately, the plan of borrowing a GMC High Sierra 4x4 Pickup has fallen through. My friend (and Asst. Camp Director) Terry is letting me borrow his Toyota. How about that for irony – I have travelled 3000 miles, and the car I am lent is just like a small European car. I guess that is why Terry gave me a 1st Class in driving in the US!
So with all of that in mind, I know launch whole heartedly into Camp Ockanickon’s summer season 2008. I guess, as it’s now 11pm on Tuesday, I have already launched, but I’ll leave those frustrations until next week. Yip-dee-do.
If you drive a big American truck, why not leave a comment saying how high you sit in the road.
If you drive a smaller car, why not leave a comment saying how good your petrol mileage is (or gas mileage if you are American).
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
But I have a good excuse
Yes, this post is several days late, but hey! I do have a reasonable excuse. I've flown to America!
Now, I don't want to give away all of the United States stuff (or I'll have nothing for next week), so I'm going to try and remember some things that I got up to last week. And I'm sure there was some good stuff, but I guess we'll just have to read on and find out.
Well, mostly this week, I have been getting ready to travel to America. Now, many of you might think that unsuprising, but how do you pack to live in another country for three months? With great difficulty, that's how! Although, I actually use a different method - leave it all to the last possible minute, and then hope for the best. Yes that's right boys and girls, my bags were packed at 1.14pm on Monday, ready to leave for the airport at 1.15pm. Woo, I rock.
But indispersed amongst the packing, and do paperwork to go, and everything else that is involved with leaving your life for three months, I did find time to do other stuff. Most ammusingly was Wednesday. For a variety of reasons, Mum and I had to move some stuff around. Such was this stuff, that Ernie, as amazing as he is, would not be big enough, and thus a van was required. So, unfortunately, I had to do a life long dream and ambition and - DRIVE A FORD TRANSIT!!!!!
Now, they (whoever 'they' are) say that you should never drive your dream car, because it will be a disappointment. If only I had listened... I would never have known the wonder that is a Transit Van! I guess the phrase just doesn't apply to vans. It was awesome (how many van drivers can say that about their van? Only Trasit drivers I'll bet)! A van that drives just like a big lumbering car. Brilliant.
After a whole day of bombing about in my short wheel based Transit (named Tony), I wasn't uncomfortable at all. I had enjoyed the day so much in fact, that when Michael and I went to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, guess what we took? That's right, a Short Wheel Based Transit. They even fit through McDonald's drive-thru's. When I had to return the van, I began to even contemplate trading in Ernie for a Transit. Y'all now how much I love my car, but that van was brilliant!
I know that I've spent alot of this post talking about vehicles, and that this post hasn't been very long, but I need to finish on news about Ernie. On Friday, I went out for lunch at McDonalds (I know, two in one week, but hey ho). On the way, we hit a pothole in the road, and we suddenly heard this metal clank, and grinding. I pulled over, and checked the exhaust. Nothing unusual. So I carried on, along the A27 at 60. But the steering tracking was WAY off. Then we hit a bump, and something definitely felt wrong. When I braked, the car pulled violently right. Oh dear.
So, for the first time since time began, Ernie had to be recovered. On a flatbed. Made worse still, by the idiot driving the flatbed. First off, the RAC sent a man in a Transit, who found the problem - a broken tie bar (part of the suspension). But he couldn't tow me. So an hour later, the flatbed turned up. The man jumped in my car, drove reclessly up the ramp, and didn't even close the door! Then, to add insult to injury, he only strapped one side of the car down.
Well, I've heard from the Garage (although with my iminent departure to the US, I didn't think I'd fond out), and amazingly they were able to get the parts from Ford. God bless W Jones. They are even going to take care of Ernie for a few weeks until the service and MOT. Bloody marvellous.
Well that's it. I'm off to eat lots of fatty fast food, drive a big 'ol pickup truck (more about that next week), and generally embrace the American culture. Yeehaw!
If you think that travelling to America is exciting, why not leave a message saying what you do to make the flight more enjoyable.
If you think that travelling to America is boring, why not leave a message saying that you find flying as dull as me.
Quote of the Week: 'Is that swing low sweet chariot?' I need to explain this. Sunday was Founder's Day for the Nautical Training Corps (I'd forgotten why I left before it last year) held at Portsmouth. After the service order was given out, one of the cadets asked me, 'It says here to sing the National Anthem. Which one?' To be fair that could have been the quote of the week, but after I said 'Our National Anthem' he then replied with the above. The British education system sure works well!
Now, I don't want to give away all of the United States stuff (or I'll have nothing for next week), so I'm going to try and remember some things that I got up to last week. And I'm sure there was some good stuff, but I guess we'll just have to read on and find out.
Well, mostly this week, I have been getting ready to travel to America. Now, many of you might think that unsuprising, but how do you pack to live in another country for three months? With great difficulty, that's how! Although, I actually use a different method - leave it all to the last possible minute, and then hope for the best. Yes that's right boys and girls, my bags were packed at 1.14pm on Monday, ready to leave for the airport at 1.15pm. Woo, I rock.
But indispersed amongst the packing, and do paperwork to go, and everything else that is involved with leaving your life for three months, I did find time to do other stuff. Most ammusingly was Wednesday. For a variety of reasons, Mum and I had to move some stuff around. Such was this stuff, that Ernie, as amazing as he is, would not be big enough, and thus a van was required. So, unfortunately, I had to do a life long dream and ambition and - DRIVE A FORD TRANSIT!!!!!
Now, they (whoever 'they' are) say that you should never drive your dream car, because it will be a disappointment. If only I had listened... I would never have known the wonder that is a Transit Van! I guess the phrase just doesn't apply to vans. It was awesome (how many van drivers can say that about their van? Only Trasit drivers I'll bet)! A van that drives just like a big lumbering car. Brilliant.
After a whole day of bombing about in my short wheel based Transit (named Tony), I wasn't uncomfortable at all. I had enjoyed the day so much in fact, that when Michael and I went to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, guess what we took? That's right, a Short Wheel Based Transit. They even fit through McDonald's drive-thru's. When I had to return the van, I began to even contemplate trading in Ernie for a Transit. Y'all now how much I love my car, but that van was brilliant!
I know that I've spent alot of this post talking about vehicles, and that this post hasn't been very long, but I need to finish on news about Ernie. On Friday, I went out for lunch at McDonalds (I know, two in one week, but hey ho). On the way, we hit a pothole in the road, and we suddenly heard this metal clank, and grinding. I pulled over, and checked the exhaust. Nothing unusual. So I carried on, along the A27 at 60. But the steering tracking was WAY off. Then we hit a bump, and something definitely felt wrong. When I braked, the car pulled violently right. Oh dear.
So, for the first time since time began, Ernie had to be recovered. On a flatbed. Made worse still, by the idiot driving the flatbed. First off, the RAC sent a man in a Transit, who found the problem - a broken tie bar (part of the suspension). But he couldn't tow me. So an hour later, the flatbed turned up. The man jumped in my car, drove reclessly up the ramp, and didn't even close the door! Then, to add insult to injury, he only strapped one side of the car down.
Well, I've heard from the Garage (although with my iminent departure to the US, I didn't think I'd fond out), and amazingly they were able to get the parts from Ford. God bless W Jones. They are even going to take care of Ernie for a few weeks until the service and MOT. Bloody marvellous.
Well that's it. I'm off to eat lots of fatty fast food, drive a big 'ol pickup truck (more about that next week), and generally embrace the American culture. Yeehaw!
If you think that travelling to America is exciting, why not leave a message saying what you do to make the flight more enjoyable.
If you think that travelling to America is boring, why not leave a message saying that you find flying as dull as me.
Quote of the Week: 'Is that swing low sweet chariot?' I need to explain this. Sunday was Founder's Day for the Nautical Training Corps (I'd forgotten why I left before it last year) held at Portsmouth. After the service order was given out, one of the cadets asked me, 'It says here to sing the National Anthem. Which one?' To be fair that could have been the quote of the week, but after I said 'Our National Anthem' he then replied with the above. The British education system sure works well!
Monday, June 09, 2008
Please wait...
I'm busy flying to the US at the mo. If you're all good boys and girls, I might put a post up when I arrive. Check back on Tuesday!
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Two week to post?
Sorry, it's the best double meaning title I could come up with.
I suppose that I had better cover the basics first - why was there no post last week? Well, firstly, I wasn't at home on Sunday of last week, I was camping with the good ol' Nautical Training Corps. Secondly, I didn't return until late Monday, by which point I had to get stuff ready to go away early Tuesday morning on a two day climbing course in Southampton. Lastly, since I got home on Wednesday, I have completed and handed in a 23 500 word portfolio for University. So all in all, I've had a busy one.
But, back to business. What have I been up to over the last two weeks? Unusually, I can remember some stuff. To start with, I helped out my middle school on some trips. On Monday, we all went by train (which was very exciting) to Chichester train station. From there, we walked up to our real destination for the day: Chichester Cathedral.
And that is about as exciting as I can make that sound. There were even some exciting activities like making Gargoyles. Yet some how, that activity was made to be as dull as humanly possible. So why, oh why, did I stab my self in the eye with a metaphorical fork, and go again on Wednesday? Arghh...
So, after a week of boredom, I landed in Friday, ready for a bank holiday long weekend camp. Of course, lots of exciting stuff happened at camp, and you can see some of those exploits in our new video on YouTube by clicking here. But as a brief front load, we had 14 cadets going, and Sturdy and a parent were helping with transport. Unfortunatly, when it comes to residential trips, it's not just children that need transporting - it's all of their kit too.
I suppose that I had better cover the basics first - why was there no post last week? Well, firstly, I wasn't at home on Sunday of last week, I was camping with the good ol' Nautical Training Corps. Secondly, I didn't return until late Monday, by which point I had to get stuff ready to go away early Tuesday morning on a two day climbing course in Southampton. Lastly, since I got home on Wednesday, I have completed and handed in a 23 500 word portfolio for University. So all in all, I've had a busy one.
But, back to business. What have I been up to over the last two weeks? Unusually, I can remember some stuff. To start with, I helped out my middle school on some trips. On Monday, we all went by train (which was very exciting) to Chichester train station. From there, we walked up to our real destination for the day: Chichester Cathedral.
And that is about as exciting as I can make that sound. There were even some exciting activities like making Gargoyles. Yet some how, that activity was made to be as dull as humanly possible. So why, oh why, did I stab my self in the eye with a metaphorical fork, and go again on Wednesday? Arghh...
So, after a week of boredom, I landed in Friday, ready for a bank holiday long weekend camp. Of course, lots of exciting stuff happened at camp, and you can see some of those exploits in our new video on YouTube by clicking here. But as a brief front load, we had 14 cadets going, and Sturdy and a parent were helping with transport. Unfortunatly, when it comes to residential trips, it's not just children that need transporting - it's all of their kit too.
So, with that in mind, the Intrepid Box Trailer (which has now been named - wait for it, read on) needed towing. As usual, that responsibility fell to muggins here, and my trusty old Escort. And I don't mind telling you that it took all 1392 cc's of my little Escort's engine to get the heavy old trailer to Surrey. And yes, the speed dial does fall in proportion to the road's angle rising. I think at one point, from a 60 mph run up, we lost revolutions back down to below 30. It's alright though, apparently the Sturdy minibus was just as bad!
Huge thanks, by the way, to Graham, who helped us out of the mire. Muchos Gracias!
So, our trailer has finally got a name? At our first parade of the camp, we were laying down the ground rules. One of the cadets (if memory serves) was becoming a serial hands in pockets demon, so he needed a grounded realistic threat. So the obvious choice was to think Great Escape, and in our best German voice threaten 'Cooler! 20 days!'. Obviously we wouldn't lock kids in the Intrepid Box Trailer (or 'The Cooler') because that would be cruel.
Although, apparently, we would steal other officers classic cars, and attempt to run junior officers over. Winning the award for best Sunset Parade of the year, Stuart provided us with immense entertainment. I noticed one of Stuart's junior officers with his hands in his pockets. So I ran accross the parade field to point him out the error of his ways. He ran, but straight into Bungle's arms. Stuart getting ready for a comedy fight, paced towards the junior officer, just before seeing Ernie.
At this point, I should say that Ernie's engine was running in an attempt to charge one of my phones up. With no success. Anyway, Stuart stops walking towars the officer, and makes a beeline for my car. In he jumps, and the car disappears behind the minibus whilst it turns around. Then it comes onto the parade field, heading for the junior officer. Ernie's life flashes before my eyes, just as Stuart pulls up to a stop, an inch from the laughing junior officer. Flipping hillarious.
So, after camp (all many more interesting things going on), I travelled down to Southampton for a Climbing Course. It was a great course, and not just because it was mainly full of attractive young women. One of them even seemed to take a real interest in me. I almost left her my mobile number (and she really was an attractive 18 year old), when my common sense hit home again. I'm leaving for America in a few days, it would be a good three months before I would be able to see anyone again. Bugger.
And now this week, I have been feverishly working away at my laptop to get my placement portfolio done. I have to hand something into Univrsity to prove that I haven't just sat on my backside for 12 months and twiddled my thumbs. And just a short 23 500 word later (did I mention that already), by Saturday I was ready to panic about trying to get it spiral bound. Thanks once again to Graham for the lead on who might do it.
Lastly, I want to leave you with the same YouTube video as above, but with a different reason for watching it. Mum came back from holiday, and brought a great hat back with her. I have a habbit of wearing 'silly' hats, and this hat is quite special!
So, with Stuart and my sad knowledge of Indiana Jones, and inspired by the new movie, we set about recreating scenes. Of course, to avoid copywright problems, one of my senior cadets came up with something intelligent (amazingly). I present to you:
So, for your viewing pleasure, here is Walton Firs Camp, featuring Andiana Jones and the Camp of Doom.
If you have seen the new Indiana Jones movie, and you liked it, why not leave a comment.
If you have seen the new Indiana Jones movie, and didn't like it, firstly, you're an idiot (he's 65 years old), secondly, don't leave a comment.
If you haven't seen the new Indiana Jones movie (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull) why not leave a comment saying how much you're looking forward to seeing it (like I am, when I go with Michael to see it on Wednesday WOO!).
Quote of the Week: 'No, she's just always standing in ditches when you see her' Graham replied, when Hannah asked if Chrissie (who is about 5ft tall) had a height problem. Other top answers included, no she wanted to be that height.
Quote of the week: (Well, I was away last week) 'Oh dear' sighed Gillian on Monday morning, 'I fear this is going to be a queer day' as we walked to the train station with 60 children on the way to Chichester Cathedral.
Tune of the Month: Raiders March. John Williams (it's the theme tune to Indiana Jones)
Monday, May 19, 2008
Yet more reasons not to own a GPS
Some of you may be aware of my loathin of GPS or SatNav systems. This weekend has afforded me more opportunitues to realise why...
11. The system is unable to read the road signs telling you that a road is closed (and if you manage to take some iniative, and divert the closed road, the GPS will then do it's damnedest to steer you back towards the closed road).
12. The GPS doesn't know where the nearest Pizza Hut is, despite thinking it does (we passed one on the way to the 'nearest' Pizza Hut).
13. The 'Browse Map' feature is almost impossible to read (even when you're used to working with maps).
14. GPS systems are tripe compared to a good ol' map.
15. When you stop at a service station, and take it with you the restaurant (which is a mistake anyway let it get stolen) you look like a nonse, as it will keep telling you to turn right in 100 yards.
And this was the news that I went with my friend Michael to Fiest In The Park, in Huntingdon Race Couse. It's basically a car show based on people's love of Ford Fiestas (and there were about 1300 cars there), but other Ford models are welcomed too. So Michael and I went up there in his newest Ford Escort Cabriolet Mk IV. That would be his third this year (largely due to bad luck, and unreliability).
The day started out a bit moist and cold (I wasn't expecting the moist part - hence after a short bike ride to Michael's I had moist trousers around the shins - delightful). At Thurrock Services (where they have never heard of an early morning cooked breakfast - as everything was closed) it was as cold as a Polar Bear's ding dong. But by the time we arrived in Huntingdon, just after 8am (having left at 5am - ouch) it was a beautiful sunny day. Having misinterpreted the weather again, I didn't take any sun cream. This has left me able to do my lobster impression...
It was a good day, although it did start to drag on towards the end (when alot of the cars were leaving). I really enjoyed wondering around the show, and looking at the cars. However, despite the 1300 Fords on display, I only found two cars that were anywhere near the same colour as Ernie. And when I asked the owners, they said that their colour was Inca - not Champagne Gold like my beautful Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate. So there we go - yet more proof that Ernie is very special.
And I can't finish this weeks post without mentioning the SATs exams that I helped out with. There you go, I mentioned it.
Oh yeah, and this post was a day late. You'll get over it. (Thanks to Bev who noticed)
If you like Ford Fiestas, why not leave a comment saying that you wish you owned an Escort.
If you don't like Ford Fiestas, why not leave a comment saying that you do/ have owned as Escort.
Quote of the Week: 'CONDENSATION!' shouted the child I was helping in his SATs, in the middle of the exam room, with 7 other students, as he tried desperatly to remember the opposite to evaporation.
11. The system is unable to read the road signs telling you that a road is closed (and if you manage to take some iniative, and divert the closed road, the GPS will then do it's damnedest to steer you back towards the closed road).
12. The GPS doesn't know where the nearest Pizza Hut is, despite thinking it does (we passed one on the way to the 'nearest' Pizza Hut).
13. The 'Browse Map' feature is almost impossible to read (even when you're used to working with maps).
14. GPS systems are tripe compared to a good ol' map.
15. When you stop at a service station, and take it with you the restaurant (which is a mistake anyway let it get stolen) you look like a nonse, as it will keep telling you to turn right in 100 yards.
And this was the news that I went with my friend Michael to Fiest In The Park, in Huntingdon Race Couse. It's basically a car show based on people's love of Ford Fiestas (and there were about 1300 cars there), but other Ford models are welcomed too. So Michael and I went up there in his newest Ford Escort Cabriolet Mk IV. That would be his third this year (largely due to bad luck, and unreliability).
The day started out a bit moist and cold (I wasn't expecting the moist part - hence after a short bike ride to Michael's I had moist trousers around the shins - delightful). At Thurrock Services (where they have never heard of an early morning cooked breakfast - as everything was closed) it was as cold as a Polar Bear's ding dong. But by the time we arrived in Huntingdon, just after 8am (having left at 5am - ouch) it was a beautiful sunny day. Having misinterpreted the weather again, I didn't take any sun cream. This has left me able to do my lobster impression...
It was a good day, although it did start to drag on towards the end (when alot of the cars were leaving). I really enjoyed wondering around the show, and looking at the cars. However, despite the 1300 Fords on display, I only found two cars that were anywhere near the same colour as Ernie. And when I asked the owners, they said that their colour was Inca - not Champagne Gold like my beautful Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate. So there we go - yet more proof that Ernie is very special.
And I can't finish this weeks post without mentioning the SATs exams that I helped out with. There you go, I mentioned it.
Oh yeah, and this post was a day late. You'll get over it. (Thanks to Bev who noticed)
If you like Ford Fiestas, why not leave a comment saying that you wish you owned an Escort.
If you don't like Ford Fiestas, why not leave a comment saying that you do/ have owned as Escort.
Quote of the Week: 'CONDENSATION!' shouted the child I was helping in his SATs, in the middle of the exam room, with 7 other students, as he tried desperatly to remember the opposite to evaporation.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
I guess I look younger when I'm sailing
First off the bat, clearly no one appreciates the fact that I missed parts of Indiana Jones last week. Not only did I miss some of one of the greatest films of all times, but none of you beggers could be arsed to leave a chuffin' comment. Well cheers for that!
Well, this has been a slightly more eventful week. I usually like to keep my audience in suspense about my post titles, and today is no different. Even though my cryptic title does stem from a story from early in my week, you'll just have to wait.
The main excitement this week was provided by yet another visit to the Accident & Emergency department of Worthing Hospital (which I am pleased to say, has been saved). Yes, an ambulance was used, and yes, so was Ernie. But, for reasons of me ever speaking to the person again, I can't say who or why we went to A&E. What I can say, is that the casualty was very drunk that evening, although they had sobered up a little by the time we got to Hospital, at just after midnight.
Just three short hours later (which we spent watching three late night medical staff watch us, watch them, watch us... you get the idea) we were finaly seen by a doctor. The doctor decided that it was an overnight job, before deciding half an hour later it might not be. He said that he would like to see the result of the blood count, and if that was alright, we could all go home.
I've gotta tell you, Worthing Hospital must be able to employ someone else, other than 'The Count' from Sesame Street, to count blood. Well, the amount of time it took for the blood count, it seemed only possible for The Count to trawling slowly through individual cells: 'One blood, ah, ah, ahh... Two blood, ah, ah, ahh...' If you have no idea what I'm talking about, more fool you.
Anyways, it took the doctor an hour an a half to come back with results. We think that he went on a break. The doc cleared us to leave, and so we left. The more observant amongst you, will have realised that that makes the time 5 am by the time we left. I've never driven home after a night out in the daylight before. I didn't even need full headlights!
Which brings us nicely to Saturday. I have to ask, what is wrong with me? In the afternoon, the family were invited to a neighbour's for a garden party (congratulations Chris on the new job). It was a reasonable enough party, just not really my scene. Full of parents, chatting about 'parenty stuff', and young children. Of course mum was in her element.
Having failed in that environment, you would think I would be much more comfortable where I started off my evening. For the last few weeks I've been helping to instruct some sailing classes at a local sailing club. One of the young attractive female instructors had her birthday this week. She invited me to join her and her friends in celebrating her birthday on Saturday evening. Where do most young attractive females like to celebrate their birthday? Night clubs of course.
I have to say, that I always find 'nights out' to club like places facinating. First off, people always seem really happy, nay elated that I have 'gone out'. Why? I don't get drunk, I don't get rowdy, I don't dance, I'm not exactly the life and soul of the party, and all I'm able to do is make glib remarks that no one can hear. Furthermore, nothing exciting ever happens when 'I'm out'. It's like I'm a walking human dull magnet. Answers on a postcard please...
So, I got in a round of drinks (a first for me - but I am a gentleman after all), and endured 90 minutes, until I had to leave. So tell me, oh wise CATCOUK readers - what is wrong with me? I don't fit in with the usual social habbits of people my own age, or people older than me (although I am partial to drinks and chatting at a pub). To be honest, if someone asks me out to celebrate their birthday, I'll always go to the bar, but I don't usually go on to a club afterwards. Is it any wonder I don't meet women?
Which brings us neatly back around to the title. It's a known fact, that most people (old or young) over-guess my age. The current record is 36 (and I was 18 at the time!). But a few weeks back, one of the kids wouldn't believe that I was instructor. He believed I was 15 or 16. And earlier on this week, said young attractive female instructor said that she thought I was 18 or 19. So, I guess I must just look younger when I'm sailing.
And on that bombshell, and with Family Guy on TV, it's time to say good night.
If you think that I look older than I am (21 by the way), why not leave a message saying that you have never seen me sailing.
If you think that I look younger than I am (21 by the way), why not leave a message saying that you have only ever seen me sailing.
Quote of the Week: 'Do you want your ambulance now, or later' I asked the drunk person. As it turned out, they wanted it later on.
Well, this has been a slightly more eventful week. I usually like to keep my audience in suspense about my post titles, and today is no different. Even though my cryptic title does stem from a story from early in my week, you'll just have to wait.
The main excitement this week was provided by yet another visit to the Accident & Emergency department of Worthing Hospital (which I am pleased to say, has been saved). Yes, an ambulance was used, and yes, so was Ernie. But, for reasons of me ever speaking to the person again, I can't say who or why we went to A&E. What I can say, is that the casualty was very drunk that evening, although they had sobered up a little by the time we got to Hospital, at just after midnight.
Just three short hours later (which we spent watching three late night medical staff watch us, watch them, watch us... you get the idea) we were finaly seen by a doctor. The doctor decided that it was an overnight job, before deciding half an hour later it might not be. He said that he would like to see the result of the blood count, and if that was alright, we could all go home.
I've gotta tell you, Worthing Hospital must be able to employ someone else, other than 'The Count' from Sesame Street, to count blood. Well, the amount of time it took for the blood count, it seemed only possible for The Count to trawling slowly through individual cells: 'One blood, ah, ah, ahh... Two blood, ah, ah, ahh...' If you have no idea what I'm talking about, more fool you.
Anyways, it took the doctor an hour an a half to come back with results. We think that he went on a break. The doc cleared us to leave, and so we left. The more observant amongst you, will have realised that that makes the time 5 am by the time we left. I've never driven home after a night out in the daylight before. I didn't even need full headlights!
Which brings us nicely to Saturday. I have to ask, what is wrong with me? In the afternoon, the family were invited to a neighbour's for a garden party (congratulations Chris on the new job). It was a reasonable enough party, just not really my scene. Full of parents, chatting about 'parenty stuff', and young children. Of course mum was in her element.
Having failed in that environment, you would think I would be much more comfortable where I started off my evening. For the last few weeks I've been helping to instruct some sailing classes at a local sailing club. One of the young attractive female instructors had her birthday this week. She invited me to join her and her friends in celebrating her birthday on Saturday evening. Where do most young attractive females like to celebrate their birthday? Night clubs of course.
I have to say, that I always find 'nights out' to club like places facinating. First off, people always seem really happy, nay elated that I have 'gone out'. Why? I don't get drunk, I don't get rowdy, I don't dance, I'm not exactly the life and soul of the party, and all I'm able to do is make glib remarks that no one can hear. Furthermore, nothing exciting ever happens when 'I'm out'. It's like I'm a walking human dull magnet. Answers on a postcard please...
So, I got in a round of drinks (a first for me - but I am a gentleman after all), and endured 90 minutes, until I had to leave. So tell me, oh wise CATCOUK readers - what is wrong with me? I don't fit in with the usual social habbits of people my own age, or people older than me (although I am partial to drinks and chatting at a pub). To be honest, if someone asks me out to celebrate their birthday, I'll always go to the bar, but I don't usually go on to a club afterwards. Is it any wonder I don't meet women?
Which brings us neatly back around to the title. It's a known fact, that most people (old or young) over-guess my age. The current record is 36 (and I was 18 at the time!). But a few weeks back, one of the kids wouldn't believe that I was instructor. He believed I was 15 or 16. And earlier on this week, said young attractive female instructor said that she thought I was 18 or 19. So, I guess I must just look younger when I'm sailing.
And on that bombshell, and with Family Guy on TV, it's time to say good night.
If you think that I look older than I am (21 by the way), why not leave a message saying that you have never seen me sailing.
If you think that I look younger than I am (21 by the way), why not leave a message saying that you have only ever seen me sailing.
Quote of the Week: 'Do you want your ambulance now, or later' I asked the drunk person. As it turned out, they wanted it later on.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
I hope you appreciate that I'm missing Indiana Jones for this...
Good evening/ afternoon/ morning/ other (please state) ____________________
Once again, another busy week of rolling out of bed at 9, watch a bit of M*A*S*H*, followed by some Stargate action. Yes, my mornings aren't exactly bristling with activity.
I had my trailer (Bernie the battleship) home this week, to make add a few minor upgrades. I have now replaced the wooden block and hooks that were temporary measures a year ago (they lasted well), and I now have some shiuny metal ones instead. I have also put some new rear light clusters on the trailer. That shockingly means that I now have road legal lights - that actually work! Amazing!
But once again, the most exciting parts of my week fall back on my weekend. Saturday was very exciting. First mum and I went and got lunch. Then after an afternoon of heavy TV watching, we managed to go and run a shuffleboard evening in the name of Lancing & Sompting Lions club. It doesn't really matter what a shuffleboard evening is, all you need to know is that is raises money. Well, on Saturday night, takings were down a little (in aid of MacMillan Cancer Support). So I told them that the club would pay the remaining £62 to make it up to £200. With no senior lion there, I didn't really have permission to do this. I haven't told the club yet...
But the real excitement of my week has been today. It was another NTC kayak training day, in the delightful waters of Chichester Canal Basin. That's right, everything you need to catch just about any water based disease going: litter, rusting barges, overgrown weeds, and the ever pleasant floating dead birds (no really, it's true). Oddly enough though, the water still tastes nice and fresh.
To get to the canal, we first had our usual fiasco of how to get all the cadets there. At TS Intrepid, we do have one minor problem - about a million cadets, and only muggins here (thus one car) going. I know that I had hinted at this before, but I feel that I do need to restate my position once again:
WE NEED A CHUFFING MINIBUS!!!!!!!
15 cadets in one car does not go! When will anyone listen to me? I know that Ernie is an amazing car, but when will anyone realise, that amazing as Ernie is, he is no TARDIS, and no, he is not bigger on the inside, than he is on the outside.
Having said that, I did get to play with some new toys today. Firstly, I was finally allowed to tow the new TS Intrepid box trailer. £2,500 worth of Ivor Williams trailery goodness. And it was really good as well. Lovely to tow along, brilliant to reverse. Not to mention the oodles of cargo space. Big enough in fact, to carry the second of the new toys we were playing with.
(I'm now missing brand new Family Guy as well. I hope you're happy now.)
Our fleet of 6 new Tek Sport 240 kayaks (with all the fixings). And they did great. Really good fun, and I thinks the kids really enjoed them as well.
Having had a great day (thanks to TS Sturdy, and their instructors), we all got changed, dried off, and we were gathered around the big trees chatting. Thanking Graham and Julie for their hard work, and looking forward to seeing them next time yadda yadda ya. When suddenly (pause for dramatic effect) we heard some tyres screeching, as a car came to a sudden stop. Many of us we ready to start jumping in to save people, but the learner driver had managed to stop their red Vauxhall Corsa before landing it in the canal.
Oddly enough, the car had stopped at a funny angle, and it stayed that way for sometime. As we stood on the opposite bank of the canal, laughing at them, making comments about whether they had Buoyancy Aids, a police car pulled out gently from the police station up the road, casually put on his blue flashing lights, and parked up behind the car, that nearly did it's best impression of a submarine. If the almost crash hadn't scared the poo poo out of the learner driver, then the friendly policemen stepping out of the car, menacingly putting on their hats certainly did.
And as if that wasn't enough excitement for one day, when I returned home, there was a serious situation in progress. So seroius, fire engines were rushing up the road, with lights flashing, sirens wailing. Of course they were nothing to do with us, but it was a scary situation. The Montecat had escaped! I don't think that I have ever mentioned the Montenator in a post, but Monty is our cat. He is a bit like the Mr. T of the cat world. He weighs 18 pounds (which is an awful lot for a cat), and he rarely gets into a fight (because he just stares at other cats, and they think better of it). Anyways, the Monster had escaped!
At the back of out house is a 10ft fence (to keep El Montenaro caged). At dinner time, he was nowhere to be found (very unlike him). After some investigation, and a ladder later, Dad found him on the otherside of the fence, miaowing, unable to scale the fence (as I said, he's a heavy cat). So, we dispatched two cars to the factory unit next door (Ian and Mum, and I followed them, as I had just got home). We evnentually got him into a cat box, but we were ready with the high powered tranqulizer rifles. For the safety of the public...
Well that's it from me. There was one other amusing moment this week, but I can't tell you what it is. Well, maybe if you ask me nicely...
If you have nearly crashed into a canal, why not leave a comment, telling us what a crap driver you are.
If you have never nearly crashed into a canal, why not leave a comment, telling us that you've never lived.
Quote of the Week: 'I wonder what colour their underwear is now' said one parent, about the people in the car that nearly ploughed into the canal.
Song of the Month: Cops and Robbers. The Hoosiers. (I really love this band - I even have their album!)
Once again, another busy week of rolling out of bed at 9, watch a bit of M*A*S*H*, followed by some Stargate action. Yes, my mornings aren't exactly bristling with activity.
I had my trailer (Bernie the battleship) home this week, to make add a few minor upgrades. I have now replaced the wooden block and hooks that were temporary measures a year ago (they lasted well), and I now have some shiuny metal ones instead. I have also put some new rear light clusters on the trailer. That shockingly means that I now have road legal lights - that actually work! Amazing!
But once again, the most exciting parts of my week fall back on my weekend. Saturday was very exciting. First mum and I went and got lunch. Then after an afternoon of heavy TV watching, we managed to go and run a shuffleboard evening in the name of Lancing & Sompting Lions club. It doesn't really matter what a shuffleboard evening is, all you need to know is that is raises money. Well, on Saturday night, takings were down a little (in aid of MacMillan Cancer Support). So I told them that the club would pay the remaining £62 to make it up to £200. With no senior lion there, I didn't really have permission to do this. I haven't told the club yet...
But the real excitement of my week has been today. It was another NTC kayak training day, in the delightful waters of Chichester Canal Basin. That's right, everything you need to catch just about any water based disease going: litter, rusting barges, overgrown weeds, and the ever pleasant floating dead birds (no really, it's true). Oddly enough though, the water still tastes nice and fresh.
To get to the canal, we first had our usual fiasco of how to get all the cadets there. At TS Intrepid, we do have one minor problem - about a million cadets, and only muggins here (thus one car) going. I know that I had hinted at this before, but I feel that I do need to restate my position once again:
WE NEED A CHUFFING MINIBUS!!!!!!!
15 cadets in one car does not go! When will anyone listen to me? I know that Ernie is an amazing car, but when will anyone realise, that amazing as Ernie is, he is no TARDIS, and no, he is not bigger on the inside, than he is on the outside.
Having said that, I did get to play with some new toys today. Firstly, I was finally allowed to tow the new TS Intrepid box trailer. £2,500 worth of Ivor Williams trailery goodness. And it was really good as well. Lovely to tow along, brilliant to reverse. Not to mention the oodles of cargo space. Big enough in fact, to carry the second of the new toys we were playing with.
(I'm now missing brand new Family Guy as well. I hope you're happy now.)
Our fleet of 6 new Tek Sport 240 kayaks (with all the fixings). And they did great. Really good fun, and I thinks the kids really enjoed them as well.
Having had a great day (thanks to TS Sturdy, and their instructors), we all got changed, dried off, and we were gathered around the big trees chatting. Thanking Graham and Julie for their hard work, and looking forward to seeing them next time yadda yadda ya. When suddenly (pause for dramatic effect) we heard some tyres screeching, as a car came to a sudden stop. Many of us we ready to start jumping in to save people, but the learner driver had managed to stop their red Vauxhall Corsa before landing it in the canal.
Oddly enough, the car had stopped at a funny angle, and it stayed that way for sometime. As we stood on the opposite bank of the canal, laughing at them, making comments about whether they had Buoyancy Aids, a police car pulled out gently from the police station up the road, casually put on his blue flashing lights, and parked up behind the car, that nearly did it's best impression of a submarine. If the almost crash hadn't scared the poo poo out of the learner driver, then the friendly policemen stepping out of the car, menacingly putting on their hats certainly did.
And as if that wasn't enough excitement for one day, when I returned home, there was a serious situation in progress. So seroius, fire engines were rushing up the road, with lights flashing, sirens wailing. Of course they were nothing to do with us, but it was a scary situation. The Montecat had escaped! I don't think that I have ever mentioned the Montenator in a post, but Monty is our cat. He is a bit like the Mr. T of the cat world. He weighs 18 pounds (which is an awful lot for a cat), and he rarely gets into a fight (because he just stares at other cats, and they think better of it). Anyways, the Monster had escaped!
At the back of out house is a 10ft fence (to keep El Montenaro caged). At dinner time, he was nowhere to be found (very unlike him). After some investigation, and a ladder later, Dad found him on the otherside of the fence, miaowing, unable to scale the fence (as I said, he's a heavy cat). So, we dispatched two cars to the factory unit next door (Ian and Mum, and I followed them, as I had just got home). We evnentually got him into a cat box, but we were ready with the high powered tranqulizer rifles. For the safety of the public...
Well that's it from me. There was one other amusing moment this week, but I can't tell you what it is. Well, maybe if you ask me nicely...
If you have nearly crashed into a canal, why not leave a comment, telling us what a crap driver you are.
If you have never nearly crashed into a canal, why not leave a comment, telling us that you've never lived.
Quote of the Week: 'I wonder what colour their underwear is now' said one parent, about the people in the car that nearly ploughed into the canal.
Song of the Month: Cops and Robbers. The Hoosiers. (I really love this band - I even have their album!)
Sunday, April 27, 2008
On time, on the internet, on the road, on the phone, on my last legs...
Well, despite being on my last legs, after a knackering weekend of camping with my NTC unit, TS Intrepid, and TS Sturdy, this post has arrived! For the first time in weeks. Hurrah!
Unfortunatly, it has been a particularly slow news week. After last weekends 'issues' (still unmentionable through legal reasons), I have been wollowing in a pool of my own pitty. As a result, I didn't get done, half the stuff I had on my list. As a result, I hit Friday on the ground running. The day we are going campingm and I had a load of jobs that I wanted and needed to get done, but I had left nearly all of them for today. Bugger.
So, on Friday, after watching yet more TV (depression does awful things to you - why did I watch TV, even with that much to do?), I needed to make some frames for the Archery targets, buy a new whistle, pack, sort my tent out, sort my trailer out, sort the stuff that is needed for camp out of the NTC lockup, and all before (Vatican City) 3.30 when I need to leave and pick upu my group of cadets that make up my advanced party.
Needless to say, as superhuman as I'm not, it didn't all get done. With some help from my brother, we knocked up the Archery target frames (and they worked out amazingly brilliantly!). I got the whistle on the way to pick up the cadets, got the trailer, and went to the NTC lockup. You'll notice several important things missing.
I left camp late Friday evening to pack (on the way to pick up the Chinese for the staff). As a result, I left things behind. Which meant another late night trip back home. Even then, I forgot to pickup the arrows for the archery. Of course, things had been left at the NTC lockup (although that was the result of a mis-communication between the boss and I), so that meant an early morning trip back to Lancing. Splendid.
After that, the camp went swimmingly well (especially when it rained on Sunday - geddit?). So, sorry to my fellow officers and cadets for not being organised. We blagged it through. Everyone was safe, the weekend worked out fine, and only I was totally stuffed.
With that feable, but on time post, I bid you farewell. I'm going to bed. Goodnight.
If you're not going to bed, why not leave a comment saying so.
If you're going to bed, why not leave a comment saying so (and if you are young, female and attractive, why not tell us what you are wearing).
Quote of the Week: '...or I'll deck you!' It kind of became the officer's phrase of the weekend (in a light hearted manner). Well, light hearted until Robin did deck Graham, by turning his chair over. It was funny though...
Unfortunatly, it has been a particularly slow news week. After last weekends 'issues' (still unmentionable through legal reasons), I have been wollowing in a pool of my own pitty. As a result, I didn't get done, half the stuff I had on my list. As a result, I hit Friday on the ground running. The day we are going campingm and I had a load of jobs that I wanted and needed to get done, but I had left nearly all of them for today. Bugger.
So, on Friday, after watching yet more TV (depression does awful things to you - why did I watch TV, even with that much to do?), I needed to make some frames for the Archery targets, buy a new whistle, pack, sort my tent out, sort my trailer out, sort the stuff that is needed for camp out of the NTC lockup, and all before (Vatican City) 3.30 when I need to leave and pick upu my group of cadets that make up my advanced party.
Needless to say, as superhuman as I'm not, it didn't all get done. With some help from my brother, we knocked up the Archery target frames (and they worked out amazingly brilliantly!). I got the whistle on the way to pick up the cadets, got the trailer, and went to the NTC lockup. You'll notice several important things missing.
I left camp late Friday evening to pack (on the way to pick up the Chinese for the staff). As a result, I left things behind. Which meant another late night trip back home. Even then, I forgot to pickup the arrows for the archery. Of course, things had been left at the NTC lockup (although that was the result of a mis-communication between the boss and I), so that meant an early morning trip back to Lancing. Splendid.
After that, the camp went swimmingly well (especially when it rained on Sunday - geddit?). So, sorry to my fellow officers and cadets for not being organised. We blagged it through. Everyone was safe, the weekend worked out fine, and only I was totally stuffed.
With that feable, but on time post, I bid you farewell. I'm going to bed. Goodnight.
If you're not going to bed, why not leave a comment saying so.
If you're going to bed, why not leave a comment saying so (and if you are young, female and attractive, why not tell us what you are wearing).
Quote of the Week: '...or I'll deck you!' It kind of became the officer's phrase of the weekend (in a light hearted manner). Well, light hearted until Robin did deck Graham, by turning his chair over. It was funny though...
Monday, April 21, 2008
I'm becomming as reliable as a car made by British Leyland...
Sorry, I really have become an unreliable blogger lately. Last night was set to be my first on time post for a while, until I had experienced an unfortunate event. Due to legal reasons, I am not in a position to say what that was. I can say that no one has been injured, no property has been damaged, and I am absolutely fine.
But there were still some very bloggable parts of last week.
I started the week by helping my Mum's church youth grouup out, by providing transport to their residential visit. Once again, Ernie was fully loaded up (full roofrack and boot), towing a full trailer (although not Bernie, my trailer), with three passengers. Many of the staff were impressed that such a feet was capable with my old Ernie the Escort. 'Not bad for a 22 year old car, eh?' The parents of some of the kids were less than impressed however.
Angmering is reasonably well to do area, and many of the parents clearly consider themselves above the rest of 'us'. I have never been able to read people's expressions so clearly in my entire life. Some of the parents were horrified at the thought of their little darlings being driven in this 'old heap' of a car (of which we all know Ernie isn't). There were the other parents that feared for the poor little child's brand new digital camera, that was now sitting in a bag on my roofrack. I spent the rest of the day laughing at them.
The trip went pretty well. Of course we were beaten by all the other cars, but we arrived 5/10 minutes ahead of the minibus. Admittedly we were struggling up some of the hills at the back of Brighton on the A27. I believe at one point (going up the Devil's Dyke hill), we were down to a mere 48 miles per hour. That felt slow...
I've spent most of this week just vegetating in front of the television (quite rare for me). I have spent some time getting ready for NTC camp next weekend. So the most part of this week doesn't make for interestiung reading. So I jump forward to Sunday, when we assissted our Chichester friends in their St. Georges Day parade.
As always, the kids did brilliantly (the band sounded musical, and I fear they may even have been in step...), the cathedral service was as exciting as the colour brown, and the hymns were mocked by us. I especially liked the Hymn that went 'Give me oil, in my lamp, keep it burning', which I sung-
'Give me oil in my CAR, keep it running,
Give me oil in my car, I pray,
Give me oil in my car, stop it tappeting,
Keep it running 'til the break of day!'
Well it kept us entertained anyway. But the best moment had to be on the march back from the cathedral. It was like a scene from Dad's Army. On the way back, we have to march back past all the VIPs. The VIPs stand on a raised platform, so that we can salute them (known as a march past). As I'm sure you can imagine, this is a very ceremonial part of the day. As we marched along the road (we were at the front of the parade, as we had the band), I noticed a double-decker bus come around the corner. Clearly the Police had failed to stop it (I can see why, busses are small vehicles).
So, I thought 'This is going to be interesting', as a policeman ran ahead, and directed the bus to pull in to the side if the road, out of the way of the procession. And so, the bus pulled in - right iun front of the VIP's stand. By this time we were getting very close, getting geared up ready to salute. Now there was a huge great bus in the way. I was gleefully chuckling, as a herd of gold chained VIPs rushed to the front of the bus, to receive their salute. Bloomin hillarious.
Well that's been most of my week. I hope you are all well, and don't forget to tune in next week, when a post might event appear on time!
If you would like to read a blog post on time, why not leave a message telling me how my posts are as reliable as public transport.
If you didn't realise that that post was late, why not leave a comment telling me how my posts are as reliable as public transport.
Quote of the Week: 'Er, control? Yeah, we have the lady back to her address, but she has now decided to be extremely intoxicated... and... annoying' said one harrassed Police Officer, as his colleague and him struggled to drag a very drunk alcoholic back into her flat. This quote of the week narowly beat 'She sure is a big unit' by the other officer.
But there were still some very bloggable parts of last week.
I started the week by helping my Mum's church youth grouup out, by providing transport to their residential visit. Once again, Ernie was fully loaded up (full roofrack and boot), towing a full trailer (although not Bernie, my trailer), with three passengers. Many of the staff were impressed that such a feet was capable with my old Ernie the Escort. 'Not bad for a 22 year old car, eh?' The parents of some of the kids were less than impressed however.
Angmering is reasonably well to do area, and many of the parents clearly consider themselves above the rest of 'us'. I have never been able to read people's expressions so clearly in my entire life. Some of the parents were horrified at the thought of their little darlings being driven in this 'old heap' of a car (of which we all know Ernie isn't). There were the other parents that feared for the poor little child's brand new digital camera, that was now sitting in a bag on my roofrack. I spent the rest of the day laughing at them.
The trip went pretty well. Of course we were beaten by all the other cars, but we arrived 5/10 minutes ahead of the minibus. Admittedly we were struggling up some of the hills at the back of Brighton on the A27. I believe at one point (going up the Devil's Dyke hill), we were down to a mere 48 miles per hour. That felt slow...
I've spent most of this week just vegetating in front of the television (quite rare for me). I have spent some time getting ready for NTC camp next weekend. So the most part of this week doesn't make for interestiung reading. So I jump forward to Sunday, when we assissted our Chichester friends in their St. Georges Day parade.
As always, the kids did brilliantly (the band sounded musical, and I fear they may even have been in step...), the cathedral service was as exciting as the colour brown, and the hymns were mocked by us. I especially liked the Hymn that went 'Give me oil, in my lamp, keep it burning', which I sung-
'Give me oil in my CAR, keep it running,
Give me oil in my car, I pray,
Give me oil in my car, stop it tappeting,
Keep it running 'til the break of day!'
Well it kept us entertained anyway. But the best moment had to be on the march back from the cathedral. It was like a scene from Dad's Army. On the way back, we have to march back past all the VIPs. The VIPs stand on a raised platform, so that we can salute them (known as a march past). As I'm sure you can imagine, this is a very ceremonial part of the day. As we marched along the road (we were at the front of the parade, as we had the band), I noticed a double-decker bus come around the corner. Clearly the Police had failed to stop it (I can see why, busses are small vehicles).
So, I thought 'This is going to be interesting', as a policeman ran ahead, and directed the bus to pull in to the side if the road, out of the way of the procession. And so, the bus pulled in - right iun front of the VIP's stand. By this time we were getting very close, getting geared up ready to salute. Now there was a huge great bus in the way. I was gleefully chuckling, as a herd of gold chained VIPs rushed to the front of the bus, to receive their salute. Bloomin hillarious.
Well that's been most of my week. I hope you are all well, and don't forget to tune in next week, when a post might event appear on time!
If you would like to read a blog post on time, why not leave a message telling me how my posts are as reliable as public transport.
If you didn't realise that that post was late, why not leave a comment telling me how my posts are as reliable as public transport.
Quote of the Week: 'Er, control? Yeah, we have the lady back to her address, but she has now decided to be extremely intoxicated... and... annoying' said one harrassed Police Officer, as his colleague and him struggled to drag a very drunk alcoholic back into her flat. This quote of the week narowly beat 'She sure is a big unit' by the other officer.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
I suppose this should be a fortnight's worth of blog...
The more observant readers amongst you, will have noticed something a little odd last week. For many of you, this will have come as a great shock to you, and for some of you, your bosses may have been unable to explain the bizarre phenomenon that occurred. From the most recent reports that I have managed to obtain, last week saw the country's gross national product increase by 27p. The reason for this - there was no CATCOUK post last week!
How did this disaster to mankind happen I hear you cry. Well it's very simple actually. I cocked up. I should have mentioned two weeks ago, in my last post, that I may not be able to post last week. And I forgot. Sorry.
I spent last week on an RYA Dinghy Instructor's course, at Cobnor Activity Center. I had to be there for Sunday evening, so I didn't get a chance to post. And as I've been there all week, I've not had a chance to put up a message or anything. As it is, I wouldn't have had time anyway. The general way that thing worked, was I would wake up around 7am in the morning, breakfast at 8, and we would start work at 9. In between, we would have to do various duties, depending on what we were assigned to (kitchen, housekeeping, or boats). From 9 until 9 or 10pm, we would get a few tea breaks, and an hour for lunch. Other than that, we worked solidly. Oh boy - those were long busy days...
But not without fun though. Okay, so more than half the say was spent talking about dead boring subjects (especially Child Protection - which always bores me). As I said at the course, when asked what does Child Protection mean, "Child Protection is very simple - don't kiddie fiddle". But the rest of the time, we spent sailing. I genuinely love sailing - especially on a quiet, sunny and relaxing day. And for the first four days, this is pretty much how the sailing side of things went. That was until, the day of our assesment. On the last day, the wind picked up considerably. I don't particularly enjoy sailing when the wind is ripping through, and I'm sailing a particularly clunky 18 year old boat, being held together by 17 year old mould...
Needless to say, my assesment didn't go well. I didn't fail, but I didn't pass either. The RYA have this middle grade of an 'Action Plan'. So I have pretty much passed, but I need to help instruct 10 evening classes before I get my ticket. They told me, that the entire week went really well, but that last day did it for them. They said that I didn't really look like I was enjoying myself, and I didn't exube confidence. I wonder why.
As exhausting as the week was, it was fun. And quite suprising too. Now, I know that all of my readers know that NTC means Nautical Training Corps. But usually I have to explain what the NTC is, and what I do, so on, and so on. But amazingly, this course was littered with NTC people. The lead instructor used to help alot at our Portsmouth training centre. One of the assistant instructor's used to work with one of the Corps' most infamous Commanding Officers (he goes by the name of Mr. Ginnaw). If that wasn't enough, a couple of days into the course, I discovered that the guy I was sharing a room with, was a member of TS Resolution NTC, and another guy was an ex-member. That may only be four people, but that's about 3 more than usual!
Lastly, there was one odd thing about the course. I have attended quite a few training courses recently (NGB Courses), and at almost all of them, I was one of the youngest, if not the youngest attendee. But at this sailing course, I was beginning to feel a little old. This course has a minimum age ogf 16, and so the majority of the course were younger than me. Out of 17 students, I was in the top 5 oldest people. It was a bizarre feeling.
And on that low note, it is time for me to go to bed. I still haven't recovered from the week. I am bloomin shattered.
If you can think of anything witty to say, why not leave a comment to give me some ideas for next week.
If you can't think of anything witty yo say, why not leave a comment anyway.
Thanks to Siobhan and Rob for leaving comments last week. It's nice to feel missed.
Quote of the Week: 'I've lost helm control!' called a harrassed sailing student (not me), as we rounded a mark whilst racing, and I commented that we were turning a bit too far, just before he continued to interupt himself by saying 'Oh - the rudder's snapped off.' He did a good job too, bent the metal work holding the rotten wooden rudder blade...
Song of the Month: I fought the law - The Clash (thanks for the good times, and we'll see you next year when Ashes to Ashes returns, DCI Gene Hunt - an inspiration to us all, and law enforcement officers everywhere)
How did this disaster to mankind happen I hear you cry. Well it's very simple actually. I cocked up. I should have mentioned two weeks ago, in my last post, that I may not be able to post last week. And I forgot. Sorry.
I spent last week on an RYA Dinghy Instructor's course, at Cobnor Activity Center. I had to be there for Sunday evening, so I didn't get a chance to post. And as I've been there all week, I've not had a chance to put up a message or anything. As it is, I wouldn't have had time anyway. The general way that thing worked, was I would wake up around 7am in the morning, breakfast at 8, and we would start work at 9. In between, we would have to do various duties, depending on what we were assigned to (kitchen, housekeeping, or boats). From 9 until 9 or 10pm, we would get a few tea breaks, and an hour for lunch. Other than that, we worked solidly. Oh boy - those were long busy days...
But not without fun though. Okay, so more than half the say was spent talking about dead boring subjects (especially Child Protection - which always bores me). As I said at the course, when asked what does Child Protection mean, "Child Protection is very simple - don't kiddie fiddle". But the rest of the time, we spent sailing. I genuinely love sailing - especially on a quiet, sunny and relaxing day. And for the first four days, this is pretty much how the sailing side of things went. That was until, the day of our assesment. On the last day, the wind picked up considerably. I don't particularly enjoy sailing when the wind is ripping through, and I'm sailing a particularly clunky 18 year old boat, being held together by 17 year old mould...
Needless to say, my assesment didn't go well. I didn't fail, but I didn't pass either. The RYA have this middle grade of an 'Action Plan'. So I have pretty much passed, but I need to help instruct 10 evening classes before I get my ticket. They told me, that the entire week went really well, but that last day did it for them. They said that I didn't really look like I was enjoying myself, and I didn't exube confidence. I wonder why.
As exhausting as the week was, it was fun. And quite suprising too. Now, I know that all of my readers know that NTC means Nautical Training Corps. But usually I have to explain what the NTC is, and what I do, so on, and so on. But amazingly, this course was littered with NTC people. The lead instructor used to help alot at our Portsmouth training centre. One of the assistant instructor's used to work with one of the Corps' most infamous Commanding Officers (he goes by the name of Mr. Ginnaw). If that wasn't enough, a couple of days into the course, I discovered that the guy I was sharing a room with, was a member of TS Resolution NTC, and another guy was an ex-member. That may only be four people, but that's about 3 more than usual!
Lastly, there was one odd thing about the course. I have attended quite a few training courses recently (NGB Courses), and at almost all of them, I was one of the youngest, if not the youngest attendee. But at this sailing course, I was beginning to feel a little old. This course has a minimum age ogf 16, and so the majority of the course were younger than me. Out of 17 students, I was in the top 5 oldest people. It was a bizarre feeling.
And on that low note, it is time for me to go to bed. I still haven't recovered from the week. I am bloomin shattered.
If you can think of anything witty to say, why not leave a comment to give me some ideas for next week.
If you can't think of anything witty yo say, why not leave a comment anyway.
Thanks to Siobhan and Rob for leaving comments last week. It's nice to feel missed.
Quote of the Week: 'I've lost helm control!' called a harrassed sailing student (not me), as we rounded a mark whilst racing, and I commented that we were turning a bit too far, just before he continued to interupt himself by saying 'Oh - the rudder's snapped off.' He did a good job too, bent the metal work holding the rotten wooden rudder blade...
Song of the Month: I fought the law - The Clash (thanks for the good times, and we'll see you next year when Ashes to Ashes returns, DCI Gene Hunt - an inspiration to us all, and law enforcement officers everywhere)
Sunday, March 30, 2008
That was a CLASS assembley...
Only a short post this week, as I have another YouTube video treat for you all.
I can not let this week slip by, without some reference, somewhere, of this week's class assembly at school (there's a double, ironic meaning in 'class'). Now, this was nothing to do with me (in fact, I have managed to avoid having anything to do with any class assembly (except for watching some of them - some of them are pretty good!). Granted, our school only has a few class assemblies each year (enough for each class), but none of my classes have been involved with any (thank goodness, they just look like a large ammount of stress!).
So anyway, back to the task at hand. This particular teacher is infamous amongst the staff for producing (how can I say crap, without upsetting anyone's feelings?) slightly substandard assemblies. With that sort of a build up, how could I miss it? Perhaps I should have heeded myu colleague's warnings...
Bearing in mind that a class assembly is supposed to be around 25 minutes long, check out this amazing schedule...
5 minutes - introduction and 'interviews' with children of various sports.
10 minutes - a 10 year old's take on strictly come dancing (which was basically an excuse for the girls to dance about on stage - that was teadious after the third or fourth performance).
5 minutes - what they did for Sport Relief - Ah ha - here comes the point of the assembly, and undoubtable the end.
2 minutes - film from Sport Relief to show who is helped by Sport Relief money - nice touch to finish.
5 minutes - more 'interviews' with children, this time who have raised money by doing different sports. Okay, beginning to drag a little now.
3 minutes - a display of - wrestling. That's right, wrestling. In a school where we don't even allow play fighting. And I say wrestling, what I actually mean to say is general unrehearsed play thuggery. Some of the children were pretending to bash each others' skulls in with mini white boards! - I have never felt so cringeworthy, want to crawl out of my skin, uncomfortable in my life!
3 minutes - another display. This time of gymnastics. The first girl did a cartwheel - straight off the stage. Okay, maybe that was planned, but she didn't land well exactly, and I thought she was going to break her ankle, and take out several of the year 4 children watching.
3 minutes - just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water - more dancing. Obviously, we hadn't been bored out our skulls enough earlier on - this time ballet.
3 minutes - sport relate joke telling. Some of them were quite funny (if only they'd practiced not ruining the punchlines...)
4 minutes - all about how sport brings people together - ah so another end meaning to the assembly. Thank goodness, this must be the end. But no...
2 minutes - group sing song of (cringing just that little bit more) - You'll Never Walk Alone. Oh God. Could they have picked a more depressing, slow, and out of tune song.
For the mathematically aware amongst you, that's right - a 25 minute assembly (as stressful as it was) that lasted - 45 f**k**g minutes. It was torture. Don't get me wrong, the kids did well and all that, but how could the teacher let that happen? It was such a terrible experience, I had to go the staff room afterwards, and get a sugary drink (Ribena).
The boss, to his credit, was able to stand up at the end of the assembly, and say a few words. He praised the children, and thanked them, and explained that he had ('fortunatly' he said, although the staff all picked up the subtle sarcasm there) only missed the first 5 mins. He went onto explain that he had to pick up a minibus, and he had trouble with the alarm. He had feared he might end up in n Worthing nick. As he said this, I imagine several staff members muttered 'I wish I had been in Worthing Police Station...' (lord knows I did).
I really did feel physically ill after that assembly. Not just because of the content, but also from the point of view as an adult allowing these poor children to see this awful assembly. Ye gadds...
Now, to the real reason for this post, and the thing that allows me to finish 'Hunt for Red October' in peace. The new YouTube video. I have to frontload this a little. I know that I have prattled on about my amazing Ford Escort for the past few weeks, but I promise to stop for a while. But, with the new foglights (and locks) I really felt that Ernie had been refitted. So, in Star Trek fashion, I decide to make a short film. Even if you're not a Star Trek fan, I'm sure you'll find this ammusing. If you are a Star Trek fan, just think Star Trek: The Motion Picture (the Enterprise leaves Dry Dock).
LAUNCH OF THE ENTER-SCORT!
(If you can't see the above, click here).
See you all next week. Don't forget to comment on YouTube!
If you remember your school assemblies, why not leave a comment, and say that you are aged 16 year or under.
If you don't remeber your school assemblies, why not leave a comment, and say that you are aged over 21...
If you are aged between 16 and 21, you probably can't be bothered to leave a comment. What am I saying? Most people can't be bothered anyway...
Quote of the Week: 'At least the children enjoyed it,' said the boss in the staffroom, whilst we were all moaniung about the assembly. To which I replied 'Well done for finding the positive...'.
I can not let this week slip by, without some reference, somewhere, of this week's class assembly at school (there's a double, ironic meaning in 'class'). Now, this was nothing to do with me (in fact, I have managed to avoid having anything to do with any class assembly (except for watching some of them - some of them are pretty good!). Granted, our school only has a few class assemblies each year (enough for each class), but none of my classes have been involved with any (thank goodness, they just look like a large ammount of stress!).
So anyway, back to the task at hand. This particular teacher is infamous amongst the staff for producing (how can I say crap, without upsetting anyone's feelings?) slightly substandard assemblies. With that sort of a build up, how could I miss it? Perhaps I should have heeded myu colleague's warnings...
Bearing in mind that a class assembly is supposed to be around 25 minutes long, check out this amazing schedule...
5 minutes - introduction and 'interviews' with children of various sports.
10 minutes - a 10 year old's take on strictly come dancing (which was basically an excuse for the girls to dance about on stage - that was teadious after the third or fourth performance).
5 minutes - what they did for Sport Relief - Ah ha - here comes the point of the assembly, and undoubtable the end.
2 minutes - film from Sport Relief to show who is helped by Sport Relief money - nice touch to finish.
5 minutes - more 'interviews' with children, this time who have raised money by doing different sports. Okay, beginning to drag a little now.
3 minutes - a display of - wrestling. That's right, wrestling. In a school where we don't even allow play fighting. And I say wrestling, what I actually mean to say is general unrehearsed play thuggery. Some of the children were pretending to bash each others' skulls in with mini white boards! - I have never felt so cringeworthy, want to crawl out of my skin, uncomfortable in my life!
3 minutes - another display. This time of gymnastics. The first girl did a cartwheel - straight off the stage. Okay, maybe that was planned, but she didn't land well exactly, and I thought she was going to break her ankle, and take out several of the year 4 children watching.
3 minutes - just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water - more dancing. Obviously, we hadn't been bored out our skulls enough earlier on - this time ballet.
3 minutes - sport relate joke telling. Some of them were quite funny (if only they'd practiced not ruining the punchlines...)
4 minutes - all about how sport brings people together - ah so another end meaning to the assembly. Thank goodness, this must be the end. But no...
2 minutes - group sing song of (cringing just that little bit more) - You'll Never Walk Alone. Oh God. Could they have picked a more depressing, slow, and out of tune song.
For the mathematically aware amongst you, that's right - a 25 minute assembly (as stressful as it was) that lasted - 45 f**k**g minutes. It was torture. Don't get me wrong, the kids did well and all that, but how could the teacher let that happen? It was such a terrible experience, I had to go the staff room afterwards, and get a sugary drink (Ribena).
The boss, to his credit, was able to stand up at the end of the assembly, and say a few words. He praised the children, and thanked them, and explained that he had ('fortunatly' he said, although the staff all picked up the subtle sarcasm there) only missed the first 5 mins. He went onto explain that he had to pick up a minibus, and he had trouble with the alarm. He had feared he might end up in n Worthing nick. As he said this, I imagine several staff members muttered 'I wish I had been in Worthing Police Station...' (lord knows I did).
I really did feel physically ill after that assembly. Not just because of the content, but also from the point of view as an adult allowing these poor children to see this awful assembly. Ye gadds...
Now, to the real reason for this post, and the thing that allows me to finish 'Hunt for Red October' in peace. The new YouTube video. I have to frontload this a little. I know that I have prattled on about my amazing Ford Escort for the past few weeks, but I promise to stop for a while. But, with the new foglights (and locks) I really felt that Ernie had been refitted. So, in Star Trek fashion, I decide to make a short film. Even if you're not a Star Trek fan, I'm sure you'll find this ammusing. If you are a Star Trek fan, just think Star Trek: The Motion Picture (the Enterprise leaves Dry Dock).
LAUNCH OF THE ENTER-SCORT!
(If you can't see the above, click here).
See you all next week. Don't forget to comment on YouTube!
If you remember your school assemblies, why not leave a comment, and say that you are aged 16 year or under.
If you don't remeber your school assemblies, why not leave a comment, and say that you are aged over 21...
If you are aged between 16 and 21, you probably can't be bothered to leave a comment. What am I saying? Most people can't be bothered anyway...
Quote of the Week: 'At least the children enjoyed it,' said the boss in the staffroom, whilst we were all moaniung about the assembly. To which I replied 'Well done for finding the positive...'.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
My own personal Escort...
And it's Sunday again. Well it was when I was making up this week's post.
Happy Eastere and all that to my readers. It's not a happy easter for me. This is the first time in three years that I've been at home for Easter. For the last two years, I have spent the Easter bank holiday weekend in Snowdonia, mountaineering. This year, Ernie is sitting on the drive way, and I'm sitting at home very bored. Come back Adventure Ed friends - I miss you all.
Someone told me this week that at the age of 21, I am at the peak of my physical performance. Oh bugger. That really doesn't bode well for me does it? Last week, I couldn't even keep up with a 25 minute football match. What hope is their for me for the future? Oh well, there's always the high ammount of money that I'll get paid as a teacher... Damn.
Now, the hardcore catcouk fans out there, will remember that many, many, many months ago, I said that Ernie had developed an unfortunate fault. But because of security reasons, I couldn't tell everyone. Well, now I can. Very inconveniently, I didn't have a single functioning lock on the car. Well, they worked, but the key didn't turn the barrel. With the exception of the ignition barrel, and the fuel cap.
The driver's lock failed in March 2006, when I swapped the driver and passenger door locks over. The boot lock ceased to function sometime over the summer of 2006. And in September last year, when one of my cadets went to my car, the drivers side lock (which used to be the passenger side lock) as buggered. Ever since, I have been looking for replacement locks.
Being a bit of a tart, I wanted all of the locks to match (i.e. have a single key). You're not going to believe this, but finding a complete set if replacement locks for a 1986 Mk IV Ford Escort is not easy. But a few weeks ago, on eBay, for a mere £18 (and anyone making comments about that being more than the value of the car will be run over), I found a set. Sorry Michael, I know you were looking at them too...
Being the manly man that I am (so manly, that I had to go and grovel to my friend Michael to put my foglights on) I did all the locks myself!!! That's right, me! And most amazingly of all, and I still haven't quite got over the novelty, I now drive a car that has a complete set of working locks. I can now lock my car. Even the boot! Woohoo!
As I perused the internet the other day, and thinking about my hard work on my car's locks, I decided to see what pictures are on the internet of Ford Escort Estates. For gould's sake, don't just search for 'escort' - the wrong pictures start to appear. If you use Google's Image search, the first Mk IV Escort on the search is... ERNIE THE ESCORT. Fair enough, it's about the fourth or fifth page in, but Ernie is the first Mk IV Escort on that search. There you go, it's official - I drive the most famous Mk IV Ford Escort Estate on the planet! Hurrah!
Welcome (back) to the 1980's - is this the Escort equivalent of giving Ernie a facelift?
Having spent the entire post raving about my very famous, and well loved Ford Escort (well it has appeared on several videos on YouTube), I wish to finish with a few comments:
1. No bugger commented last week (although granted, I was late posting);
2. I don't care if you don't like cars - no one forced you to read about my classic 1986 Ford Escort Mk IV 1.4 GL Estate in Champagne Gold;
and 3. When I purchased Ernie, it wasn't really through choice. He was cheap, an estate, cheap to run, and cheap to road tax (on that front, see below). Now though, having worked for a couple of months, I could buy a new car. But I choose not to. Ernie is an amazing car, and let's be honest, you all wished you could drive a car that was this cool!
**Note below. Michael, who owns the same car as me, but his is a somewhat problematic cabriolet, asked me how much I pay for road tax. Well, for a few years, it was stuck at £110. This year, I got stung, and had to pay £115. But my dear old friend Michael pays a bit more than that. Granted his is a 1.6, but he pays... wait for it... £200! Sorry Mike.
If you don't like cars, why not leave a comment saying how much you like to walk every where. In the rain.
If you like cars, and (even if only secretly) would like to own a Ford Escort, why not leave a comment saying that you would like one. Sorry, Ernie's not for sale.
Quote of the Week: 'I probably won't see you tomorrow Mr. Clarke... You'll probably be dead' replied one pupil this week, after seeing me start my motorbike, and telling me how dangerous it is... Cheers buddy.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Later than geriatric striker on sleeping tablets, for a football match!
I'd like to say that I'm sorry for an exceptionally late blog, but I can't lie. There used to be a time when I would be late with a post, and at least someone would complain. None of you can be bothered any more can you?
Well, as I'm sure you've guessed, it's been a busy couple of days. I haven't been near my laptop in several days. But I'll tell you all why towards the end...
It's report writing time at Chesswood School, and believe it or not, all the teachers are very busy writing/ typing them all. One colleague of mine, Zoe, told me that she ran a word count on one of her reports, and it was in excess of 1000 words. Over a class of 30, that's 30 000 words (3 times that of a standard university dissertation, or just a mere 6 and half months of CATCOUK). So just a note to all of my fellow students out there - there are people far worse off than us. And these guys do this every year!
Anyways, it being the case that we haven't yet recovered from Ofsted, the teachers are all naturally a little stressed. And like the mug that I am, I'm always willing to pitch in, and share some of the stress. I spent most of last week at work glued to a computer, sorting out various IT administrative issues with year 7 reports. I think, although I've really lost the plot, I've worked on 3 out of the 4 year 7 classes. The biggest job was helping out the deputy head. For Dennis, being the most pleasant man in the world is a full-time job. He's retiring this year, to the dismay of the whole staff team, and as such, could be described as a little advanced in years. Despite his 40 odd years of teaching experience, he's never really learnt to grapple with a computer. So having hand-written all of his reports, I needed to scan them all in, and format them so other teachers could write their various reports in. Job and a half that, but we all love you Dennis!
When Friday rolled around, having managed to wear my own personal arse groove into the plastic stall near one of the staff room computers, I was dragged away in a semi-concsious state to the school field. Apparently, before my soul had been swallowed up by the computer system, I had agreed to join in with festivities for 'Sport Relief'. And bless the year 5 team, but they had organised (and I use the term organised very loosely) a staff v students football match. Having found my old high school PE jersey (St. Andrews for life!), and yes it still fits, I ambled onto the school's football pitch.
The atmosphere was really good. I had worried about the non-sporty kids being bored, but the vast majority seemed to have a really good time. At one point (when we were in the lead), a teacher that wasn't playing, Ian, nipped onto the pitch, to just tap the ball beyond the goal. To be fair, our goalkeeper would never have tried to save it, but somehow, Ian's ball played straight into Carolyn's stomach. And Ian's 'tap' was quite powerful. Although mainly for comic effect, Carolyn went straight to the deck, bent over in mock agony. The irony is, this was the best and only save she made in the whole match!
As a brief interlude (big word for you lot I know, but bare with me), I just can't resist putting up pointless and needless photos of my car, and now 'fleet'. With both the amazing Ernie the Escort, and Eric (Morecombe) the Motorbike, I felt it was about time for some family photo album pics.
Master and Commander: the new old and impressive fleet.
Introducing Eric Morcombe the Motorbike, a 1989 Honda (not Hongdou) CB450 DX. When it was new, it would have done a standing quarter mile in 5 seconds apparently. It's still pretty quick.
One more for luck (well, Eric deserves his moment, and this ol' Honda is a smooth as silk). And you would never even notice the reflection of the camera man (what a muppet I am...).
On Sunday, I attended the most boring course that I have attended in a long time. I felt that it would be a good idea for my to gain a VHF radio operator's license, and the NTC's sailing centre, NSTC Lion, had bought an instructor in. The centre was great as always (just in case you've surfed in looking to hire the centre), but the courswe... Snooze-athon. It's been quite a few years since the last time I nearly fell asleep whilst in a class. The instructor really knew his stuff, and had several witty anecdotes - but you can only work with the subject matter. Anyways, I'm now licensed to operate a radio station on marine VHF channel (only kidding Ian, that's illegal...).
I had been told that the course might finish at 5, maybe 5.30. So when I eventually left the place at 6.30, I really had to gun it over to Lancing. Michael, my best friend, and his lovely girlfriend Amy have been inviting me over for dinner for weeks. I thought I might actually make one. But just a mere 55 minute later, I was standing outside their Lancing flat. Dinner was great, thanks Amy.
But the main reason for my visit, was to make a modification to my car (I don't want Ernie feeling left out with all this talk of motorbikes...). I now have fitted, although not wired in, very 1980's spot lights on the front. Michael and I were working in his garage until midnight, but to be fair, we did have to remove the bumper. Well, I see we, Michael did most of the work, as I don't really know what I'm doing. Thanks Michael, I'm just not going to mention the rust we found under the wings...
Well that was my week. Thanks for all your concern that there was no post this week (you lot just don't care do you?), with the exception of one text I received. No, I haven't crashed Eric, and yes, I am still alive (not that any of you could give a hoot...).
If you have never been late for something, and have never mis-spelled anything (perhaps you're using a spell checker, hey Ian...) you are clearly perfect, and should leave a perfect comment.
If you appreciate that sometimes there are more important things than writing a load of old rubbish that no one reads or cares about (like sleep), why not just go and do something else, and not bother leaving a comment (guess we'll see if a bit of reverse psychology works).
Quote of the Week: (and I have to say, there were several to choose from this week) 'Will Andy be staying here tonight' said Amy in a text at 1120pm, obviously having alot of faith that Michael and I would replace the bumper so that I could drive home...
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Oh dear, another unremarkable week...
First off, I have to say that comments were rather sparse last week. Until 'Struddy' left a last minute comment today, FaceBook was the only comment. Wake up guys - FaceBook are going to start storming ahead with their comments! I know last week's post was pretty poor, but look at the material I have to workl with - my life!!!
And I am pleased to report that this week has been - dull. In fact, you can all stop reading here, nothing ammusing is going to happen. Go on, clear off the lot of you! Go and do some work - even that will be more entertaining than anything I've got to say.
What? Why are you still reading? Oh, alright, I'll carry on writing. Let me see...
Well, this was my first week with my new motorbike. Having had a great day on it on Sunday, and filled with optimism and confidence, I drove it to work. Not being terribly awake in the morning, I left the roundabout, and just opened the metaphorical taps. I worked up through the six gears, and I glance down at the speedometer. I've just left the roundabout, and I chuckle in shock. 70mph. I'd only just left the roundabout. On Tuesday evening, I went to TS Sturdy in Chichester. Not being 100% comfortable with riding that distance, I took Ernie. For some reason, Ernie seemed to be accelerating really slowly...
I'd love to say that I rode Eric (my bike) all week, but that would be a lie. For when I woke up on Wednesday morning, an amazing thing happened. I was ill. Again! It must be working with school children. This is the third time I've had to have a day of work. It drives me mad!!! I'm beginning to fear that my colleagues (and bosses) will think that I take regular 'sickies'. I crawled into work on Thursday, still as sick as a parrot. It seemed as though everyone was asking me one of two questions: 1 - are you feeling better (bless 'em, they're a caring lot) - no; 2 - did you come on the bike - no, I'm having balance problems, it didn't seem like a good idea.
Having said that, although I'm still not 100%, I am okay now, and I even went out on the bike over thge weekend. Just as I think I'm going to be getting back on the bike again, I fear that one hell of a storm is about to come through. As I'm still relatively new on the bike, I said that I would take the car if the weather looked like it was going to turn really ugly (yes, like me). I'm not a fairweather rider, but whilst I'm still getting back to grips with a bike, it just feels sensible. Sorry about that.
Lastly, before we all give up the will to live (and I still can't believe you're still reading - have you got nothing better to do?), I will just tell you that I have gained another qualification. I am now a National Smallbore Rifle Association (NSRA) YPS Air Rifle Instructor. Woohoo! I can now instruct young people how to assault a target with a deadly weapon... That sounds like just the sort of skill that children from Lancing need!
If you made it this far, why not leave a comment (so that I know there are people with sader lives than me).
If you made it this far, you may have lost the will to live. Remember - life goes one.
Quote of the week: 'You're always critising me' argued a student with his teacher, after the teacher has sujested some ways to improve the work. Duh - that's the teachers job you pillock! (that quote of the week may get me fired...)
And I am pleased to report that this week has been - dull. In fact, you can all stop reading here, nothing ammusing is going to happen. Go on, clear off the lot of you! Go and do some work - even that will be more entertaining than anything I've got to say.
What? Why are you still reading? Oh, alright, I'll carry on writing. Let me see...
Well, this was my first week with my new motorbike. Having had a great day on it on Sunday, and filled with optimism and confidence, I drove it to work. Not being terribly awake in the morning, I left the roundabout, and just opened the metaphorical taps. I worked up through the six gears, and I glance down at the speedometer. I've just left the roundabout, and I chuckle in shock. 70mph. I'd only just left the roundabout. On Tuesday evening, I went to TS Sturdy in Chichester. Not being 100% comfortable with riding that distance, I took Ernie. For some reason, Ernie seemed to be accelerating really slowly...
I'd love to say that I rode Eric (my bike) all week, but that would be a lie. For when I woke up on Wednesday morning, an amazing thing happened. I was ill. Again! It must be working with school children. This is the third time I've had to have a day of work. It drives me mad!!! I'm beginning to fear that my colleagues (and bosses) will think that I take regular 'sickies'. I crawled into work on Thursday, still as sick as a parrot. It seemed as though everyone was asking me one of two questions: 1 - are you feeling better (bless 'em, they're a caring lot) - no; 2 - did you come on the bike - no, I'm having balance problems, it didn't seem like a good idea.
Having said that, although I'm still not 100%, I am okay now, and I even went out on the bike over thge weekend. Just as I think I'm going to be getting back on the bike again, I fear that one hell of a storm is about to come through. As I'm still relatively new on the bike, I said that I would take the car if the weather looked like it was going to turn really ugly (yes, like me). I'm not a fairweather rider, but whilst I'm still getting back to grips with a bike, it just feels sensible. Sorry about that.
Lastly, before we all give up the will to live (and I still can't believe you're still reading - have you got nothing better to do?), I will just tell you that I have gained another qualification. I am now a National Smallbore Rifle Association (NSRA) YPS Air Rifle Instructor. Woohoo! I can now instruct young people how to assault a target with a deadly weapon... That sounds like just the sort of skill that children from Lancing need!
If you made it this far, why not leave a comment (so that I know there are people with sader lives than me).
If you made it this far, you may have lost the will to live. Remember - life goes one.
Quote of the week: 'You're always critising me' argued a student with his teacher, after the teacher has sujested some ways to improve the work. Duh - that's the teachers job you pillock! (that quote of the week may get me fired...)
Sunday, March 02, 2008
I'd like to introduce you to...
Once again, I find myself cramming in another blog post, after an evening of beaver-like effort on some NTC work. For the last 6 hours, I have been solidly and furiously laptopping away. But hey-ho, the Corps' brand new E-mail system now works (I hope). Only a few more nights of boring myself to tears, and the website will be up and running. What an exciting person I am...
Only a short post this week. On the one hand, I apologise for a short post (but I need to sleep somewhen, and I have work in the morining). In the other hand, you'll all be able to get back to something more worth while a bit quicker.
Before I go any further, I think I need to apologise. Someone text me on Monday evening, and I think they were offended, and felt that I had not enjoyed an evening out. I don't know who it was, and I thought I had replied. But they haven't replied to me - guess I've annoyed someone else.
On Monday evening, I met up with Michael, for some casual post-birthday drinks. Whilst we were out, Michael asked me if I had read my blog lately. Well I right the flippin' thing, so I don't think that there's a need for me to read it. The observant readers amongst you will have seen a special meassage put up by my best friend, on my Birthday. Thanks Michael, I think...
You avid FaceBookers out there may have noticed something very unusal this week. I updated my status twice. This is because I've had two exciting events. On Thursday night, I was officially promoted to the rank of Commander in the Nautical Training Corps, as part of my new position of Adventure Activities Director. Now I know that sound really exciting, but at the moment, it just involves me writing regulations, and streamlining paperwork - very adventurous...
Having said that, National Council meetings are always a laugh. Quite how an organisation can keep running with a group of people like that falling asleep, and ignoring each other, I don't know. On the bright side, there are some useful people on National Council (long may they stay).
Saturday night was TS Intrepid NTC's first awards evenining in five years. It was so long ago that we last had an awards night, I won a trophy! The evening went off without a hitch, and I'm glad that we had it planned to a fine art... not. But no one noticed, and it was an enjoyable evening. I think a highlight may have been when I did a little performance. But there have been threats of putting it on YouTube, so we'll wait and see.
Finally, and most excitingly of all, is the result of last week's blog. You may remember that I said I was buying a second vehicle - and what a vehicle. 44 break horse power, 447cc, 6-speed gear box, and standing quater mile in less than 5 seconds. All sounds pretty tasty. And it is! I am now the very proud owner of one classic 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL, and a classic 1989 Honda CB450 DX!
[I'd love to show you a photo of my new bike, but my sodding phone doesn't want to let me - ARGHH!]
I usually use aliteration when I name my vehicles (where both words start with the same letters), but an exception has been made for my brand new bike (well sort of). One of my favourite comedy duos is Morcombe and Wise, or otherwise known as Eric and Ernie. So, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, may I present to you, Eric Morcombe, the Motorbike. I've ridden him about today, and I have to say, I was nervous about it. I haven't ridden a bike in over two years, and Eric is much larger than my old Hongdou was. But what can I say - just like riding a bike really (well, duh, it is a bike).
Some of my older readers may remember an old TV show called 'CHiPs'. At home (bearing in mind Mum and Dad both ride bikes too), we're thinking that Eric definatly has a CHiPs flavour to him... And may I also say that, despite being 19 years old, he is incredibly quick. Dad drove him home for me, whilst I followed in Ernie. With Ernie's accelerator ground into the floor, I just couldn't keep up! It's also exceptionally quick from standing - exceptionally.
Finally, before I crawl into bed, this bike doesn't have very large handle for passengers to hold onto. So, I'm thinking, when I choose to transport a beautiful lady on my bike (or can I call it my chopper...?), she'll have to hold onto me... (he said with childish, teenage nod).
If you are thinking of some childish comment that insults my 'classic' vehicles, that somehow relates to them being a comedy duo, why not leave a comment (on someone else's blog that cares...).
If you are an attractive lady, and would like a ride on my chopper, why not leave a comment... Well, it's got to be a worth a try!
Quote of the week: 'So, will the Safety Regulations change?' asked one very old Regional Commander at the National Council meeting, just after I've spent 20 minutes explaining how I need and want to change the Safety Regulations...
Song of the Month: Take Her Back. Pidgeon Detectives.
Only a short post this week. On the one hand, I apologise for a short post (but I need to sleep somewhen, and I have work in the morining). In the other hand, you'll all be able to get back to something more worth while a bit quicker.
Before I go any further, I think I need to apologise. Someone text me on Monday evening, and I think they were offended, and felt that I had not enjoyed an evening out. I don't know who it was, and I thought I had replied. But they haven't replied to me - guess I've annoyed someone else.
On Monday evening, I met up with Michael, for some casual post-birthday drinks. Whilst we were out, Michael asked me if I had read my blog lately. Well I right the flippin' thing, so I don't think that there's a need for me to read it. The observant readers amongst you will have seen a special meassage put up by my best friend, on my Birthday. Thanks Michael, I think...
You avid FaceBookers out there may have noticed something very unusal this week. I updated my status twice. This is because I've had two exciting events. On Thursday night, I was officially promoted to the rank of Commander in the Nautical Training Corps, as part of my new position of Adventure Activities Director. Now I know that sound really exciting, but at the moment, it just involves me writing regulations, and streamlining paperwork - very adventurous...
Having said that, National Council meetings are always a laugh. Quite how an organisation can keep running with a group of people like that falling asleep, and ignoring each other, I don't know. On the bright side, there are some useful people on National Council (long may they stay).
Saturday night was TS Intrepid NTC's first awards evenining in five years. It was so long ago that we last had an awards night, I won a trophy! The evening went off without a hitch, and I'm glad that we had it planned to a fine art... not. But no one noticed, and it was an enjoyable evening. I think a highlight may have been when I did a little performance. But there have been threats of putting it on YouTube, so we'll wait and see.
Finally, and most excitingly of all, is the result of last week's blog. You may remember that I said I was buying a second vehicle - and what a vehicle. 44 break horse power, 447cc, 6-speed gear box, and standing quater mile in less than 5 seconds. All sounds pretty tasty. And it is! I am now the very proud owner of one classic 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL, and a classic 1989 Honda CB450 DX!
[I'd love to show you a photo of my new bike, but my sodding phone doesn't want to let me - ARGHH!]
I usually use aliteration when I name my vehicles (where both words start with the same letters), but an exception has been made for my brand new bike (well sort of). One of my favourite comedy duos is Morcombe and Wise, or otherwise known as Eric and Ernie. So, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, may I present to you, Eric Morcombe, the Motorbike. I've ridden him about today, and I have to say, I was nervous about it. I haven't ridden a bike in over two years, and Eric is much larger than my old Hongdou was. But what can I say - just like riding a bike really (well, duh, it is a bike).
Some of my older readers may remember an old TV show called 'CHiPs'. At home (bearing in mind Mum and Dad both ride bikes too), we're thinking that Eric definatly has a CHiPs flavour to him... And may I also say that, despite being 19 years old, he is incredibly quick. Dad drove him home for me, whilst I followed in Ernie. With Ernie's accelerator ground into the floor, I just couldn't keep up! It's also exceptionally quick from standing - exceptionally.
Finally, before I crawl into bed, this bike doesn't have very large handle for passengers to hold onto. So, I'm thinking, when I choose to transport a beautiful lady on my bike (or can I call it my chopper...?), she'll have to hold onto me... (he said with childish, teenage nod).
If you are thinking of some childish comment that insults my 'classic' vehicles, that somehow relates to them being a comedy duo, why not leave a comment (on someone else's blog that cares...).
If you are an attractive lady, and would like a ride on my chopper, why not leave a comment... Well, it's got to be a worth a try!
Quote of the week: 'So, will the Safety Regulations change?' asked one very old Regional Commander at the National Council meeting, just after I've spent 20 minutes explaining how I need and want to change the Safety Regulations...
Song of the Month: Take Her Back. Pidgeon Detectives.
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