SAINSBURY'S - Try something new today....

... Yeah like TESCO'S!

Hi all. As you may know, some Students (myself included) have to take up part time occupation to see themselves through university. I have the pleasure of working as a till/ kiosk operator at beloved Sainsbury's.

Over the past few months I have been becoming increasingly miffed off with my employment, and the innept managers that I have the misfortune of working for. This week really stole the show though.

I turned up for work on Wednesday, and I was asked to go and look at the men's public toilets (the cleaner was no where to be seen, and muggin's here is always happy to help). So I went in there, and the urinals were flooding over. Someone had left large buckets beneath the urinals (so obviously someone knew about the problem), but had conveniently forgotten to empty them. So, I carried these large buckets of slightly yellowish water outside, and tipped them down the drains.

Upon my return, in my infinite wisdom, I decided to unscrew the U-bend below the Urinals, so that I could get the buckets under, without having to tip the buckets (as I had done before, tipping some very very dilute wee wee all over the floor). As I unscrewed the first U-bend, it came off slightly quicker than I was expecting, and about 15,000 gallons of less than pure water emptied into the bucket below, only to get splashed back all over me! A true comic moment if ever there was.

I unscrewed the second U-bend, and reported back to my manager (looking AND SMELLING like a drowned rat). I asked if I could go and get a clean shirt from personnel, and she agreed. But what thanks did I get for having people's wee in my eyes? None.

So in closing, I can now say that I have been p*ssed on by Sainsbury's well and truely. So please think of this: Try something new today.... like Tesco's.

God save the... flag?

Now, those of you that know me, will know that I give football the same high regard that I may give to cat poo found on my shoe. In fact, I would say that modern day football is about as useful as chocolate ash tray on a speeding motorbike.

However, despite this hatred that I have with the "Nation's game", I am (to the suprise of many) flying the cross of St. Georges over my car.



Football maybe a boring, overpaid, hyped-up game for idiots, but when we compete in the World Cup, I feel that a bit of patriotism is important. Recently, I have read and heard alot of people talking down people flying our nation's flag on their car. Well, I would like to say to those people, in my official capacity as an Englishman -

CARROTS TO YOU!

The original idea of the flag maybe to support football, but the flag is also sign of a country united. I couldn't care less about domestic football, but I wish our lads in Germany every success. Lets keep the flags going!

(Don't mention the war)

Firstly.... an apology?

Avid readers of my Blog will have read last time that I may have talked down the Marching Band that I am a member of. What am I talking about? Read below this entry, you can see that I did disrespect my band. In a rare turn of behaviour for me, I make an official BlogSpot apology!

As you can see from this rather fetching photograph, we did alright. I won't lie, I've heard us play better, but we were still pretty good (we didn't get any old vegetables thrown at us). In fact, I was proud to be marching with TS Intrepid. I am the handsome (ha ha) side drummer on the right.

For our march past, we played the theme tune from "The A Team". So, congratulations to my band, as well as Sturdy and Implacable. That just leaves me to say:

If you have a problem, if no-one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire

THE 118 - 118 TEAM!
(in joke)

In a change to the usual broadcast...

Just for a change, I thought I'd talk about the good ol' NTC!!!

This Sunday is the NTC's biggest, and most important parade, and Intrepid is in real danger of marching something that could be accused of being a Marching band. Unfortunatly, at our last practise, the lead trumpet, and lead bell lyrist were missing!!! It's not gthe cadets fault, but the other's don't have the confidence or right musical piece to carry a tune.



In the past, we have always managed to pull out a public performance that makes me proud to be one of their officers. I just pray that the same miracle can happen again.

If you'd like to see how it all turns out, look for TS Intrepid this Sunday (11th) in Preston Park, Brighton. If we cock it up, don't worry, our sister ships TS Sturdy and TS Implacable will be following, and they can both play...

GOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING

Bonjour Bonjour, Bonne de doche and all the rest of it.

I'm back from my university residential trip in France (not that you'd guess). I had a really relaxing trip to France, until last Friday when we jumped from 1st gear to 5th gear. But that is a different post.

This post is about what some friends said to me. It was an early morning on the minibus, back from France, and someone suggested that I should present my own radio show. Other than having the perfect face for Radio, I'd love to do radio, especially a morning breakfast show. Imagine my voice over the airwaves at 7 in the morning...

"GOOOOOOOD MORNING! Now it's time for some acid rock..."

So, if anyone is considering starting a radio station, I'll run the breakfast show. I could call it something like... Waking up next to Andy Clarke. Now theres a disturbing thought.

Well, that is my thought for the day. Check back soon for a bumper bonus post later on.

It's all gone Pete Tong!!!

As per usual, everything went Pete Tong (wrong) for a while there. It's assessment time at University, and I actually have to do some work. So, just about everything was put on hold, while I have been doing essays. On top of this, I am going away at 0500 tommorrow, so everything this week has been manic. So, not only has my life been put on hold, I also havn't posted for a while.

Anyways, I decided I would do a post before I go, and I've taken photos and everything. I'm now sitting at Uni, and the cameras at home, and the post doesn't work without the post.

Damn.

So for comedy purposes, I am only left with the old faithful... a crap joke.

A man takes his pig to the vet. "My pig hasn't been well lately. He's always running around the yard, but he's not eating."

The vet checks the pig over, and replies, "It's alright, he's just picked up a spell of the TROTS!"

[Gettit? because pigs trot around.... meanwhile, 'the trots' is also slang for the 'Delhi belly', which is also slang for 'the squits'. Which uncannily is also slang fot the 'trots'.]

More from me in a while. I will be in France next week, so see thee after the bank holiday.

Watch out Sea Scouts - We have a floating Kayak!!!

Good day all!

On Sunday, Louise and I decided to gate crash TS Sturdy's Kayak training Day. As well as taking my own kayak, Intrepid's CO (Brian) suggested taking the double. I think he was joking, but never being someone to stand down in the face of a dare, I picked up the massively long battleship style canoe, and tied it to the roof of my beloved Escort.

We arrived at Chichester (with both Kayaks still on the roof). After alot of waiting, I finally decided to risk life an limb (and Louise's) by putting the double Kayak to water. Even I couldn't be sure there was enough water in Chichester Canal (being that the Kayak is three miles lond, and weighs 6 and a half tons).

So, me and Louise put the Kayak in the water and... she floated (and so did the Kayak). We paddled her all the way to North Mundham (2.14 km), and back again (another 2.14 km)! After we got rid of the cadets, and most of the officers, Graham joined us, and we paddled there again (we used my Slalom Kayak for the third person).

So, you'd better watch out Sea Cadets (and other successful/ organised youth groups) - because TS Intrepid has a fully functioning Kayak!!! (might even have some pictures somewhere)

How many have you got in your band?

As I am sure you will be aware by now, I am a little bit involved with a youth organisation known as the Nautical Training Corps. As you should be aware, I am with Training Ship Intrepid.



In recent months I have been helping/ hindering one of our sister ships, TS Sturdy with their band. Last year, Sturdy's commanding officer, Graham, helped us set up our percussion section. In return, I started going over to them in February. When I started over there, they had a similar number of cadets in their band to us (around 8 to 10).



I went their tonight (as usual) to find TWENTY members of their band! That is more than Intrepid's entire ship's company. How dare they!!!

In all seriousness, it's a testament to the fantastic job that Graham, and his officers are doing. But it doesn't forgive thge fact that they've got three million cadets, and we've only got 12! Swines!

My perilous Holiday!!!!

Good Evening. Just thought you might like to see some pictures from my life risking holiday in Snowdonia! There again, you probably couldn't give a flying monkees...



This is me (from camera phone) scrambling up part of Trefan (915m above sea level), a mountain in Snowdonia.



PROOF! My car got all 725 miles to Snowdonia and back! In the background is Llanberis, and Mount Snowdon. Good picture as well.



Me being a heroic explorer (yeah right!). This photo was taken half way up Trefan.



Trefan, Trefan, Trefan, Trefan, Trefan. This is Trefan, except for the top which is above the cloud ceiling.



This is one of my friends (Luke) on the edge of a 20m cliff. Shortly after this, my rucsac went over the edge of this! I had to scramble back doen and get it! Doh!



At the top of Trefan, are these two pillars (Adam and Eve). Most people jump between them (915m above sea level).



Nothing to do with me! Some unfortunate lady broke her ankle. Provided excellent entertainment though!



At the bottom of one of the rivers we Kayaked (Treywryn?) was this massive wave. This is my other friend (Lee) going into it.

I'm back... (just)

Hello there...

I do hope you all had a spiffingly good Easter. As some of the more observant of you will have noticed, I haven't posted for a while. There is of course a good reason for this: I COULDN'T GET THE DAMNED PICTURES TO WORK!!!!!

I have also been on holiday. Me, two friends, three Kayaks and my car went to Snowdonia (a round trip of 725 miles). And yes, myt car made it all the way there, and all the way back, with NO problems!

Well, now that I am back, I shall attempt to make posts on a regular basis again. Please check out the pictures of my car (below), as I spent literally seconds getting the pictures to show!

Well, have a good day. "See Thee later!"

My 'classic' Ford Escort - and mini-minibus.

Well, I promised you some pictures of my car, and here they are! Firstly, when I drive NTC cadets around, I have decided to dub my car the "mini-minibus". So, with that in mind, I decided my car needed a bit of paint...



I also took these pictures of my car. The first couple are pretty cool, the rest are just for show.

Rust is just bloomin' marvellous!

If you're still reading this load of old nonsense, more fool you, you had your chance to stop reading!

Well I havn't posted for a couple of days. I'd like to say it was because I was on "the streets", taking some "turkeys" into custody (see previous post if you've lost me). But that would be a fantastical lie. The truth is, nothing exciting has happened in the last couple of days.

Even today was a slow day! Look at the title - don't fool yourself, it's not going to get any better. Today's highlight was rust treatment on Ernie (my 'classic' Ford Escort Estate). As some of you will have seen, my car is now a cult classic, and it needs a bit of TLC.

I've treated the the rear right wheel arch you'll be pleased to read, although I am waiting for a respray. I have also cleaned the inside of the car (although I still havn't got rid of the damn last owner's dog's dog hairs (try saying that when you're drunk). While I was doing this, I found that my baeutiful car is riddled with bloomin' rust. Brilliant!

More good news, is that we are planning on videoing some more... well videos. Watch this space to see what antics we get up to next with my dear old car. Will we be raiding a drugs warehouse in the dockyard? Could we be chasing some bad guys down an alleyway? Watch this space (although I'd doubt it's anything that good, we havn't got the budget).

Well, that was my exciting day. I did also fit a roof rack today (off a 1960's Ford Transit). If you're all good boys and girls, I might post a picture of it tommorrow (ooh the excitment!).

If you have had an interesting day today, why not make a comment, or send me an E-mail (catcouk@yahoo.com). That way you can show what a meaningless life I lead, and really rub it in.

The New CI5? (inc. pictures and VIDEO)

What happens when three friends meeting up over the Easter holidays, get mixed with an empty country road, a sunny day, and a 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate? A homeage to 1970's cop shows of course....

When I met up with Michael and Dominic for our Easter break meet, we decided to go for a cruise up to Truliegh Hill (near Arundel as one of my NTC cadets would say... lol). Those of you that know me, will know I drive a rather "classic car" (or 'rust bucket' to the uninformed): 1986 Ford Escort (mk IV) 1.4 GL Estate (I call him "Ernie [the Escort]"). Spurred on by the recent TV show of "Life on Mars", and me having a reputation for 1970's copshows anyway, we decided to make a film, to give my poor old car a bit of a cult image. Here we go Ernie...



With this all in mind, Dominic got out his camera phone, and started taking photos. We decided what we were going to do, and I drove down the hill a bit, to set up. We started filming, and I scream up the road, screaching to a stop. In the film, you can hear me shout "HAND BREAK!" just after I get out of the car. This is where some idiot forgot to put the handbreak on when he got out the car.

Although you can't see it on the film, it was on a fair slope, and the car started rolling backwards. Shortly following this, you can hear Dominic laughing. Anyways, being the true "Proffesionals" that we are, we finished the take anyway.

If you're completely lost by this whole post, and you've never heard of "The Proffesionals" (1978-1981), or "Starsky & Hutch" (1976-1979), don't worry. Just watch the film, you'll get the idea.

Could this be the start of a new cult following? I doubt it, but it was a laugh to make...

The New CI5? - "Have It!" [Pictures and Video]

Damn Free Servers

No post yesterday, as I spent the day relocating one of TS Intrepid's free servers. I was up to 3.30 in the morning getting that done.

And who said I was sad....

Do I have to...

Hello, my name is Andy Clarke.

I'm 19 years old, and live in Sussex, England. A friend of mine started a Blog, and asked me to make a comment. The only way of doing that was to sign up for my own Blog! If you reading this, I apologise, I don't write diaries. But I'll probably carry on writing this so I can make my sarcastic comments on the day, and I don't have enough to do anyway (sarcasm doesn't travel well in writing!)

Please visit and support my NTC (Nautical Training Corps) unit: TS Intrepid NTC!