Catcouk Returns (part 2)

I know, I know. The post is late, and I left you all on a cliff hanger. But today was the first day of our fourth year of University (woo Adventure Education), and last night I was getting ready (as well as some other NTC stuff).

So where were we? So did I run? Yeah right! I like Jeeps, I do, but they just aren't made for speed or police chases. Like the responsible citizen that I am (even if of another country), I pulled over, switched the engine off, and got some paperwork ready (after several expletives). The officer came up, introduced himself, and asked to see a driver's license, and a registration document for the car. As I handed them over, he asked where we were going.

Having heard several stories, it appears that the Police are leanient on the Boy Scouts. So I replied 'Just heading to XXX back to our Boy Scout Camp'. Play the Boy Scout card. It didn't work - he seemed even less impessed. He checked the registration document, and then moved to my license. After a double take, he asked 'What's this?'. 'It's my driving license officer,' I replied. 'I'm from the UK.'

'Oh, oh, England,' the cop stammered. 'Well, just to remind you that the speed limit is 55 mph. Have a safe evening.' Fantastic! Got away scot-free (http://ask.yahoo.com/20060712.html - just in case you wondered where the term came from). But why did I have to appear before a magistrate? Well, that is the question isn't it.

That day (bearing in mind it was gone midnight), after 8 hours of sleep, I would welcome 54 Scouts (not that I knew that may were coming) to Ockanickon, and form the greatest 'Provisional Troop' ever to slam into Ockanickon. Many weeks before, Terry (awesome Asst. Camp Director) had asked if I wanted to be Scoutmaster of our week 8 provisional troop. Because the camp's numbers were down for our last week of camp, we promoted and invited individual Scouts to attend (known as 'provisional Scouts'). Thus, the 'Provo' troop.

The amazing homemade Troop 1 troop flag - made by me (out of 3 bedsheets and a pillow case from WalMart!), with my beautiful Golfcart in the background. Alright so Kevin laughed continuously when I gave him a ride in it, but it was mine for a week whilst Nick 'the lazy commissioner' went to Puerto Rico.

I had signed up for around 30 Scouts, but no one had told me that we had an open door policy. So, 54 Scouts, and 4 adults later, I was a trained Scoutmaster, of the biggest troop on camp. Although the Scouts came from troops accross New Jersey, Pennsylvannia, Delaware, Virginia and Maryland (5 states), the troop became the most enthusiastic troop ever seen. One of the Scouts remarked to me that he was more enthusiastic about our troop, than his own troop.

We were also pretty sucessful, winning the tetherball 'battle royale' (don't know what Tetherball is? Wikipedia does!), the volleyball tournament, and the water carnival. We missed out on the Golden Skillet, and we would have won the 'Airband Competition', but bad weather called it off. Why did we win? Because we are Troop 1! The troop (numbered on the camp director's instruction) also had it's very own original cheer (which I think may have grated on some people after a while). Someone would shout 'Yeah Troop 1!', and the rest of the troop that was within ear-shot called back 'Yeah Troop 1!' And so this would keep repeating indefinately...

I couldn't possibly talk about troop one, and not talk about some of the adults that joined us. I have to start with Mr. 'Creepy Old Scoutmaster' Eliff - who set the tone for his week on Sunday evening, when he asked 'Is anybody hungry?' as he pulled a ham sandwich from his trench coat, that he had nicked from the Dining Hall. The other memorable adult was Mr. 'Parent helper that is so good he should really be a Scoutmaster' [insert name here]. You may think that I can't remember his name, but he's a lawyer, so he's one of the few people that could bring a law suit against me for using his name. But on top of being a lawyer, he's also a ballon animal entertainer and magician (what a mix of jobs). Apparently, when he appears before one judge, the judge demans he performs a trick before he'll start the trial. Fantastic guy. I even offered him a volunteer job at TS Intrepid NTC if he's ever in England.

I also have to quickly mention the jump rope (skipping rope to you and me) competition held on the Tuesday. The Scouts were happily playing, when Terry (Asst. Camp Director/ Scoutmaster Co-Pilot) got involved. Somehow, Kevin (Staff Member/ Asst. Scoutmaster) an I ended up there too, and so a competition was born. Terry started first, and got an admirable 9 (you have to appreciate that Terry is a big guy). I went next, quite nervous. We all know how clumsy, and unathletic I am. But I struggled on through, and with a rather unique technique, achieved 12. Kevin was last, and sure fire favourite, being fearless, and a multi-award winning swimmer. Kevin got off to a great start, and looked like he had it in the bag. Now, Terry really didn't wan't to loose, so after about 3 jumps, he started shouting 'FAIL' everytime Kevin jumped. Kevin collapsed laughing after just 6 jumps. As one of the Scouts wood burned - Kevin sucks at jump rope!

Terry 'Fish Plates' Robinson - runner up in the jump rope competition.

I was doing really well at meeting Scoutmaster requirements - I was really bad in competitions against Scouts (I went out in the second round of the tetherball), we won the Scoutmaster competition of the water carnival, I had schooled my fellow Scoutmasters at a jump rope competition - yep I was really excelling as a Scoutmaster. And then we got to fill another requirement - the hospital visit! I was heading down to the Leader's archery competition (to win that for Troop 1), when the Scout shouted 'Hi Andy- oh sh*t!' I span round and reprimanded him for bad language, to see him on the floor in pain. So, leaving him with two other leaders (Mr. 'Creepy Old Scoutmaster' Eliff was putting on the most useless splint known to mankind), I ran to the range, and borrowed their suburban. After lifting him up there, Terry drove him and I to hospital. Marvellous.

And so onto staff shutdown week. Conveniently, I missed the first afternoon, so that I could visitmy 'home troop', T29, Dunellen. It was their summer picnic, and it had been organised so that I could attend. I borrowed Terry's car (which he said 'Oh bugger, I've got the truck', and I said 'Brilliant!'), alright, so I mean GMC Sierra truck (pickup version of a Suburban, with 1 5.6ltr engine, and about 1 million horse power, as I described to someone interested in buying it). It was a BIG truck, but really good fun to drive. I discovered, even if you're trying to pull out into traffic, in an automatic, a 5.7 ltr engine will definitely wheel-spin and scare the cyclist in front of you.

While I was discovering that, Tom (incompetent Asst. Camp Director), Joe (my assistant sailing director), and fellow commissioner Nick were discovering that my sailing boat, the beautuful 22ft Catalina, 'The Corpulent Porpoise', really likes me, and doesn't like being sailed without me. They brought the boat back to camp, and the main sail collapsed, the jib (front) sail wouldn't work, and for the first time in my knowledge, the boobs had to get the boat towed in by a motorboat - pillocks. I told you should have waited for me...

And this was turning out to be a week of discoveries. We all have to move out of our regular staff accomodation, and into three sided shelters in camps. I was sharing with Kevin, Nick, Pinky (Kevin's asst.), and James (from aquatics). After last weeks shock discovery that Kevin sucks at jumping rope, we thought there couldn't be anymore we didn't know about him. But we all discovered that Kevin is mortifiably scared of Racoons, and has a real hate for them (we had about 6 babies and a mum outside our 'Ad' at 2am one morning). Nick was fine, until he made a discovery. 'I'm safe up here,' he said from the top bunk. Then Kevin replied, 'What are you talking about! They'll just climb up and scratch your eyes out!' That's right, Nick discovered he was scared of Racoons too, because Racoons can climb. Me, I was too tired to care. Bring it on racoon features!

And that's where this post must leave off. Two days late it may be, but there it ends. And I know, there are still several questions on the lips of the readers - Why was I in front of a magistrate? Why am I now a convicted criminal? Is this going to be CATCOUK's first 3 part post? And, if you're at University with me, and have being playing this giant real world game of Chinese Whispers (Whispers down a lane if you're American) - Why was I convicted and sent to jail in America? Well I'll answer that one now - I didn't!!!

Tune in next time, only the Internet channel...

If you're happy to be back at University, why not leave a message saying 'Andy, you're not the only one.'

If you wish you were anywhere but University, why not leave a message saying 'Andy, you're a sad act - get a life!'

Quote of the week: 'This is going to be a rowdy one isn't it' asked the National Council chairman in dismay, as the Chief of Staff started shouting jokes accross the table...

Tune of the Month: I kissed a girl. Katy Perry.