I'm just too tired to think of a witty title

WARNING: LONG BLOG ALERT

Where do I start? So much has gone on this week, that you had better set aside a few days before you read this. So where do I start? At the beginning I suppose.

On Saturday night last week (forgot to mention this last week), Mum went to my cousin's hen night. As part of the hen night, they went to Liquid Lounge (a night club in Worthing). Just after midnight, my Mum asked me to go and pick her up, and some of the other women up, and take them all home. Well, I thought it was just typical for me really. Most people my age go out and get drunk in night clubs, and then ring their parents for a lift home. Me, I get a phone call from me mother asking me to give her a lift home from a night club. Lovely Jubbely...

At the beginning of last week, Ernie had to visit the garage to get an oil leak fixed (now that they have managed to get the 700 year old parts). As is now the custom, I got a loan car to bomb about in, whilst Ernie was being repaired. And this time, I was treated to a fast Mark V Escort. At first glance, it looked brilliant. Okay, so the car is 12 years old, but age isn't everything.

Escorted by the Escort Mark V...

Foot to the floor, the car went really well. If I had wanted to, I could have even infringed the local speed limits... But I suppose the first few seconds of driving summed it all up nicely. Admittedly, I have had some ropey loan cars from them, but this was looking to be a good one. Just as I drove out of the forecourt, the rear view mirror fell off the windscreen. Marvellous.

Mirror mirror on the...er...floor?

Once I had the wagon of speed back, I was free to cruise to and from Uni again, to do all of those wonderful assignments. But on my travels, I did see something totally shocking. I saw a woman, driving a Chelsea tractor... off road! Well, it had to nudge up over the curb anyway. It was particularly funny. She completely blocked the road for 5 minutes, whilst she attempted getting through this tight gap. All I could do was laugh at her, and turn my engine off. It was a good job that she had that all terrain vehicle, or she would never had managed it.

'Crazy' off-road driving from the owner of this Range Rover Chelsea tractor.

With Ernie repaired in double quick time, I was able to complete the construction of my trailer. Weighing in at 75 000 gross tons, my new trailer took the rest of Tuesday to complete. I had hoped it would just take a few hours, and then I could spend the rest of the day at Uni. But when it got to 4 o'clock, I kind of guessed I wasn't going to Uni.

Introducing Ernie the Escort, and Bernie the Battleship (short for Bernice). Ernie and Bernie.

God help any driver that goes into the back of Bernie. That trailer is built like a chuffin' tank.

Along came Friday, and it was time to put Ernie and Bernie to good use. So that we could take the NTC cadets camping, we fully loaded the trailer (heaped), and fully loaded the boot, and the roofrack had two layers of bags! And there really was a noticeable difference in pulling power. No women came near me... boom boom.

Ernie and Bernie of their first 'date'... Loaded up to the hilts...

The best posible speed I managed to get out of Ernie, downhill with the wind behind me was a little over 60mph. At one point, some berk pulled out in front of me, and I had to pull an emergency stop. I swear, pulling that much weight, it was only sheer will power that stopped us, because the brakes sure as anything wouldn't have done it. Of course, not all things wanted to stop. The roofrack as loaded as it was decided to carry on going, and slid four inches along the roof, scoring some rather deep scratches just off the front rim of the top of the car. Damn.

The camp was... well frankly wet. Friday was gorgeous, and Saturday was okay (just long enough to go climbing anyway). However Sunday and Monday were soaking wet. We still did most of the activities, we just had to control them a bit better. And talking of controlling activities, a funny incident did occur. If any of you listen to the Chris Moyles Show, you'll know that there are sometimes when he wants to say things that are too risky, so he turns the mikes off. This is one of those occasions.

Finally, we got home from camp on Monday. My darling (but rather committed) cadets voted to have band practice straight after camp. So we did. By the time I had dropped the kids off, and hung up the very wet tents to dry, it was time to collect the band gear, and go to band. All the kids had been home, had showers, and eaten, and wondered why I was still in the same clothes from camp! And as if that wasn't enough, after band, I had to go home, have the fastest shower in the history of mankind, and go down the pub for a 'hot date'. Well I met up with a friend that I havn't seen since they invented the wheel.

And now, I am going to bed as I am very very tired.

Sorry the blog wa late boys and girls. See you all next week, for what could be my last ever blog!!!

If you are as tired as me, why not go to bed, and leave a comment in the morning.

If you aren't as tired as me, you are clearly a scumbag.

Quote of the week: 'Bungle, you have to level with me. Are there really enemy insurgents in the woods' asked a cadet as we went out on Night Games. Gullable so and so.