The end of an era

Some of my more long term readers will be very sorry to hear, that this week marked the end of an era. That's right readers, I handed in my notice in writing to Sainsbury's!!!! (please imagine fireworks going off, and the Hallelujah song) Of course this does mean that I loose my main source of bitching, and I will no longer be able to unleash a torrent of abuse and complaints on my long suffering (and quite frankly idiotic) supervisors.

So to celebrate this, I have decided to copy a feature from 'Mock The Week'. In bold, is what I actually wrote in my resignation letter, and below it, is what I really meant. If you'd prefer, imagine the bloke that was the doctor in 'My Hero' saying the stuff in bold, and imagine a random comedian that the show could afford to read the rest of it. Perhaps you can make a game of it, and try and work out what I meant. Anyways, here we go (and the stuff in bold really was in my letter)

Dear Sir/ Madam,
To whichever idiot needs to read this, because they couldn't remember the date I gave them last week,

It is with great regret, that I must inform you that I will be leaving the company on the 5th June.
It is with great joy, that I'm telling you (again) that I'm leaving at last on 5th June. Yippeeeee!

Although I have really enjoyed my time with Sainsbury’s, University commitments demand that I leave the company, so that I can travel around the world, completing my ‘Placement’ module.
I have hated every minute that I have spent with Sainsbury's, so fortunatly University commitments demand that I go around the world in the name of education. Thanks to the employees who will help pay for my education.

Immediately after leaving Sainsbury’s I will be travelling to Pennsylvania, America to work with the Boy Scouts of America as an adventure facilitator.
As soon as I am shot of you, I'm going to far, far, far, far better places, to do something that I actually enjoy. Hurrah!

My placement year will mean that I am away in various placements until August 2008.
And yes, I'm going to be away doing stuff I enjoy for a long time.

At this time, I will be looking for employment again, and I hope that you will keep me in mind.
When I get back, I'll be looking for a job, and I hope you'll keep me in mind when I have a job as something decent, getting paid a good wage.

I would like to thank all of the supervisors, CTSs, and managers that have made my last two and half years at Sainsbury’s such a pleasure.
I would like to thank all of the supervisors, CTSs, and managers, who have been, in my last (and for the love of sweet Jesus Christ, please my ONLY) 2 and a half years, such pains in the arse.

I wish the department, and the store continued success,
I hope that the store can continue it's current successes, that is to say none,

and hope that it can keep at it’s current standard.
and hope that the store remains at it's current poor standard, so that I can make numerous complaint to Customer Services when I have the mispleasure of shopping here.

Yours faithfully,
Up yours,

Andrew Clarke
Customer Services Assistant, Checkout Department
Andrew Clarke
Finally gald to be rid of this flippin' place!

Well I hope that you enjoyed that. It does of course raise two questions: When am I going to America (and what will happen to CATCOUK)?, and Did I really have nothing better to write about this week?

Well, I leave for the states on Thursday 7th June, and will return on Tuesday 22nd August. Obviously this is far too long to get someone to cover, so I will endeavour to continue writing from the states. And no, I had nothing better to write. I have been busy writing assignments all week. Marvellous.

If you can't wait for me to go to the states, why not leave a comment along the lines of 'please stop then, and then there'll be no more of this rubbish'.

If you think that I shouldn't leave Blighty to go to the Septic Tanks (Yanks), why not leave a comment to the tune of the National Anthem (and no-one had better start singing star spangled banner...).

Quote of the Week: 'Mr. Himsworth, can I start eating my lunch' said the pupil, as he finished off his Fromage Frais in a tube (Frube).