Welcome back to Blighty!

Okay, so I've been back in jolly ol' Britain for a couple of weeks, but from a CATCOUK perspective, this is my first blog from England for a while. I must say, it's really nice to be back. And what a great week I've had:

Wednesday I took my new Kayak up the river Arun. Of course it had rained heavily the night before. And that morning. Oh yes, it had rained. And rained. And rained a bit more. So that little river Arun was very VERY high (the banks had broken in places), and the water was running like the Zambezi. I kind of decided that it wasn't a day for rolling and capsize drills, as the majority of the water was cow poo and wee, where it had washed off of the fields (it was a yummy colour).

That of course was when my lovely week ended. The radio in the car had been wrapped up in Brits hipe, and my day had generally been pretty good. But damn my friends if they aren't good at blowing my week apart. Louise text me, wishing me a 'Happy Valentines Day'. Thanks very much you cow!

Yes, Valentine's Day. The wonderful day in the year we people in a relationship are reminded to show their love for each other by buying cheap tacky cards, and even tackier presents. It also reminds single blokes like me what a depressingly lonely life I lead. So yes thanks Lou, appreciate it. What better way to complete this day from hell? Why go to Sainsbury's of course! But better than a usual night at work, we have a new stroppy supervisor. Yippee! 'I will have the last laugh' she said. 'There'll be no more slacking round here. I'll have you boys all multi-tasking from now on.' Brilliant. Well I do like a challenge, and she will be broken!

So I get home, relax with a can of coke, and watch the TV. Check my phone (I don't know why I don't learn), and Holly text me. 'Jibba Jabba [something about project work]. Oh and by the way, Happy Valentines!' ARGHHHHHHH...

Thursday morning, and this is usually a good day. Valentine's day has passed, and it is a beautiful (think the Truman Show) morning. Add to the fact that only two letters came in the post, and both were for me!!! HA HA! Things are looking up! The first letter is all about a meeting at Uni. And the second letter...

I should have known. I should have known. The second letter read (briefly): "Hello Mr. Clarke. Please give us £80. If you don't pay by Wednesday next week, we'll send some baliffs 'round, or take you to court (and not to buy beds)." Jolly good. Basically, these conmen want me to pay £80 because I parked in a private car park without clearly displaying a valid permit. Obviously most people would be pretty upset about this. However, the 'private car park' this company were talking about was at the University of Chichester. I have a valid permit for my Uni!

When I tried to phone them, it got a damned computer preaching to me. 'If your parking ticket has a barcode on it, dial 1. If your ticket is hand-written, dial 2.' Well I never got a parking ticket, and there was no third option. I went to Uni, and they have no contact details for this cowboy operation. Brilliant. Just bloomin' brilliant!

Holly suggested I go to court. She said it's fun. Well, she said the same about alcohol, and that wasn't fun. So I am now trying to contest a parking ticket I never got. All communication has to be by post, and with Royal Mail, that could take 4, 5, 6... years. So, I'm probably going to court, for a crime I don't think I committed. Michael - you couldn't put that team together again could you?

Well, on that note, it's time for bed. If I havn't been arrested by this time next week, I'm sure I'll give you an update.

If you've got £80 to get rid of, why not phone County Parking Enforcement Agency Ltd., and quote reference number CP00261068.

If you work for County Parking Enforcement Agency Ltd., please please PLEASE get in contact. I don't want to go to court.

Quote of the week: 'I didn't realise you were such a geek' said Holly, admiring the size of my... Star Trek book collection.