Guess who's back...

It's been a long two weeks, but I have finally returned from gruelling University work in La-la-Lanzarote. First off, I need to thank Michael and Ian for taking care of y'all these past few weeks. I managed to escape the Spanish law, and return home with my gummi bears!

I know have a great problem, in as much as I have no idea how to express the last two weeks so that you can all appreciate it as much as I did. But why change the format of a life time. I'll start off by complaining, and how even on a good day, a giant seagull in the sky can still poo poo on me from high!

Thursday 18th January, 4.30 am. It is a cold wet, overcast dark morning at Gatwick's North terminal. Having never travelled by air before (that's right, I was a plane virgin - no, I'd never flown with Virgin either), I had no idea what was going on. I got a boarding card, and started heading through security.

After being molested by an old bloke looking for my metal belt buckle, and having my new can of deoderant taken, I wondered through expecting to see the delights of the 'duty free'. Of course it's now 5am, and nothing is open. Even worse, is that we are all told that the breakfasts we had booked on the plane had been lost at the travel agents, and we wouldn't get fed.

Lovely. I then spent my first flight feeling very sick (you know that sort of sck that you get when you know you should have eaten breakfast). But I have nearly forgotten to mention my first take off. Only 4 or 5 planes departed out of Gatwick that morning. The weather forced most other flights up until about 4pm to be grounded. So we took off in some very bad weather. But I knew no difference. The plane rotated back for take off, and when it dropped suddenly (like a roller coaster), I thought nothing of it. Well, that was until one of my friends started screaming and hyperventilating. The plane (and Airbus A321) kept rising and falling all the way through take off for a couple of minutes, and then it was fairly smooth for the next eye-gougingly boring 4 hours. Afterwards I discovered that was the roughest take-off my friends had ever experienced!

We eventually rolled up to the hotel at 10.30am (UK time is the same as Lanzarote time). After the stress of the flight, all I wanted was a sandwich, and to chill out in my room. Unfortunatly, they were cleaning our room. I went back at noon (like the hotel asked) to get the key, and they were still cleaning! Our room was the last to be prepared, and we eventually were allowed in at 3pm! There are reasons why I hate going on holiday.

Anyways, after Thursdays, everything else was pretty good. By Saturday night though, there was bound to be something else. Our lecturers took us on a trip through a lava tube (or cave if you prefer). The cave was 3 km long, and three groups were going to walk through it. The bus dropped off one group at one end, and then took us other two groups to the far end. Manuel (the driver) would then wait there for the first group, and then drive round and meet us at the bottom. Simple plan? You would have thought so wouldn't you.

We emmerged from the cave 2 hours later, and went to the road to meet the bus. The bus wasn't there, but that was to be expected, the other group might be a bit slower than us. After 45 minutes, in the dark, and now cold evening, things were starting to get less funny. Complaints and questions were being asked of Manuel. We tried to phone the lecturer with the first group, but with no luck. Where was the bus and the other group. Had the bus driver given up on us, and gone home? Had the bus broken down? Had Manuel forgotten about us?

No. We walked along the road to get back to the drop off point. Manuel and the bus were still there, with the engine running, but no sign of the other group! We were just thinking of a search party, when half the group appeared. Apparently one of the lecturers had had some problems, and they were slowing the group down. An hour and a half after we left the lava tube, we eventually left for Carlos' ranch, where we would spend the night.

And there is where my quote of the week comes. As many of my friends will know, I have a very distinctive shirt that I sleep in when I am away. For those of you that don't know, it has the front cover of a hard core porn magazine printed on it. I walked to the loo, when I passed Holly (having a cigarette at the time - give 'em up!). She took one look at my shirt, and blurted out (here it comes):

"Andy, I didn't know you liked naked women!"

Now, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to take that comment. Was it because I had been her friend for a year, and never made a pass at her? Did she think I was gay? Who knows. I havn't got a clue. I spent the rest of the time in Lanzarote making blue jokes (mainly because I wasn't making them, or hearing them around other NTC officers - Stuart Ginnaw!).

The next day, we travelled to a small island off the North coast of Lanzarote - La Graciosa. For the morning, we hired just about every mountain bike the island has. They were the best mountain bikes that money could hire. On La Graciosa. Needless to say, they were pretty... er... substandard. I had a pretty good bike (compared to others). Saying that though, my back brake didn't work, it was very uncomfortable, and I spent the next 48 hours sitting down very carefully. Afterwards, it felt like I had spent a very drunk weekend in Brighton - you know what I mean. It was also a girl's bike. Thanks for the hire of your helmet though Holly, greatly appreciated!

The rest of the week, we spent doing research, leading up to a 10 minute presentation that I gave at the end of the week. That formed 50% of the mark for this module. At the end of the week, the lecturer's held a quiz (on the night before they flew home). I think they tried to rig the quiz, so that we would get a question right, and then they'd get one right (and so on). They could then run an outlandish tie-break question at the end, which we could win. They of course hadn't figured that I am just as boring as some of the lecturers. I knew how much a coke at the bar cost (2 euros 50). The quiz ended 7 - 2.

Well that's it. This had to be a two-parter. You can see photos from my trip (with Captions) on CATCOUK2 at my Bebo. More photos will get added throughout the week, so keep checking. I also have a video that will get added.

If you think I'm boring, and you'd like to read Michael or Ian every week, you could leave a comment telling me that you hate me, but to be honest, you could just read their blogs: arethosemyfeet.blogspot.com (Mike) / the-mighty-oak.blogspot.com (Ian).

If you're glad to have me back, why not leave comments on Mike and Ian's blogs (but I'd really rather you didn't, as they did a good job whilst I was away).

Quote of the week: Andy! I didn't know you liked naked women!
Song of the month: Mika - Grace Kelly - also current No. 1.

DEDICATED TO EILEEN FAWCETT

A dedicated member of Lancing & Sompting Lions Club, died last week from Cancer.