My first solo singing performance...

I'm afraid this week's Blog tells tails from events over the past few weeks, and has no real theme. I can't talk sense every week (well, talking sense for just one week would be nice).

Firstly, I'd like to ask you, what is the stupidist thing you can think of doing in a thunder storm?

www.ntc.org.uk/intrepid/band/ - Marching Band of TS Intrepid

A topical question, when you consider the amount of storms the good weather has caused down here on the South Coast. Well, I thought I found the answer to that question last weekend, when I was marching with a marching band (the picture above is from 2005 in Lancing, when I was mere Petty Officer - oh how times have changed). The combined band of West Sussex South Region (Nautical Training Corps) was taking part in Broadwater Carnival, Worthing, and local people will know that this carnival made the paper, because the green that the fair is on, turned into a duck pond (nearly) through a massive downpoor. Imagine the entire contents of the Atlantic Ocean being dropped on you in half an hour, and you'll get the picture!

Anyways, we were marching along in the warm weather, wearing only our white shirts (too hot for jackets). Very near the end of the march, and we can't have more than 50 meters until we stop, and dismiss. Unfortunatly, the gap to get onto Braodwater green is about 1 cm wider than the lorries that were in front of us, and they like to take it slow. That was when the thunder started. Suprisingly so, our Tuba player (big metal instrument) decided to put his instrument on the group while we were not playing.... But the people I fely sorry for were the two drum majors (they're the people at the front with big sticks). In order to stop the band, they have to raise their big sticks high in the air (like lightening rods). None of us were hit, but I read in the paper that some bloke with a large umbrella was struck on the day, on the green! A lucky escape for the lightening rod drum majors!

A good contender for the title of stupidist thing to do a thunder storm. And it would have one too, until I went into good ol' Sainsbury's this week. Now, I hate work (like most people), but I love pushing the trollies in the car park. I love the fresh air, and the fact that there are no managers in the car park! I went in on Wednesday, and the boss told me I was govering the regular trolly wally who was away on holiday. Well, no actually her exact words were:

"Let's see what you're doing tonight? Oh... you're getting wet."

Yes that's right, you guessed it! I was pushing trollies during a wet and windy thunderstorm! Pushing 7 million tons of metal around a car park has to top the stupidist things to do! And I didn't even get paid danger money? I risked life and limb for the company!

So having made a total prat of myself like that, it's time to tell you how I made a prat of myself twice in one weekend!

Now, as some of you may be aware, I help a friend run his Disco (SAS Disco). No I don't get paid, but it does get me out the house. This Saturday, we were booked for a Wedding party. It is something of a standing joke at Disco's, that we do silly dance moves to different tunes (I'm the Red Indian for the Y.M.C.A.). Most people are either too busy dancing (or too drunk) to notice are antics, so we can pretty much do what we like.

Another standing joke at the disco is "my song". Everytime we play Madona "Like a virgin", the whole disco team (somewhere between 4 and 6 of us) point at me, when Madona sings the word "virgin" (if you can't work out why, ask you Mummy). So, this is something of a tradition. I hear the start of the song, and I move to the centre of the Disco, so everyone can point at me. This week was particularly special, as we all had numbers with words on our backs (there were 5 of us, and we were numbered 1 to 5, so people could count us easily). My word was "VIRGIN".

So anyways, the song came on, and I moved to the centre. Now the team claim they are doing this so that some women will take pitty on me, and "help me out". I think they just do it to embaress me, but I'm game, so hey ho. Madona sings virgin, they all point at me, and I spin so that anyone watching can see the word on my back. As I said earlier, normally no-one watches what we're up to. However, that night, for the first time EVER, someone makes a comment. It wasn't some young attractive women, but a 50 year old women!!!! (it could have been a man I suppose) Not quite the results I was after - needless to say, I was embarressed.

To bring us back to the beginning of my Blog, I embarressed myself again, while I was out with the Regional band. Today (or yesterday now, as it's 0045) we were playing static (not marching) at Selsey Lifeboat Station. One of the tunes we play is called Heart of Oak, and we can't actually play the whole song. Only a handful of people know the middle bit of this tune, and they have left! But we still play it, because it's the Royal Naval tune.

But what do we do when we get to that middle bit? We sing of course! This started in Lancing in 2005, and at the right moment, everyone la's the tune (including officer's waling with the band). This is normally fine, because we are marching, and any reaction is left miles behind. But today we weren't marching. If people didn't appreciate our comic wit, we could get linched! I was slightly nervous because if this, but I'm a proffesional. I hadn't occurred to me that everyone else had the same thought. So that part of the tune came along, and sure enough, I started up singing...

"Dud-da dah dud-da dah, Dud-da dah..." and so on.

Only thing was, my voice was the only one that I could hear. Yep, I was the only dipstick who sung (although others claim to have joined in [very quietly]). So I sing my heart out. Everyone in the crowd is looking at me in disbelief! My C/O (boss), another ship's C/O who both know we do this, just look at me as if I've grown two heads. I was right, just no other sod joined me. Was it planed? Who knows. Anyways that part of the song passed (and I just managed to do it, before I cracked up with laughter), and the rest of the band (with their instruments) joined in again. The crowd thought it was great! The applause started half-way through, and there were several shouts from officer's that didn't know we did that "Go on Andy!" shouted Sean.

Well, I felt like a right pillock, but I pulled it off!

That's the end of this weeks post, you'll be glad to hear. Was this Blog to long? Is it only getting longer. Did you reach the end? Should I have stopped several paragraphs ago? Weeks ago? Leave a message and tell me to shut my big fat mouth! Then your boss won't tell you off for taking so long reading this dribble. Cheers.