Some of you may be aware of my loathin of GPS or SatNav systems. This weekend has afforded me more opportunitues to realise why...
11. The system is unable to read the road signs telling you that a road is closed (and if you manage to take some iniative, and divert the closed road, the GPS will then do it's damnedest to steer you back towards the closed road).
12. The GPS doesn't know where the nearest Pizza Hut is, despite thinking it does (we passed one on the way to the 'nearest' Pizza Hut).
13. The 'Browse Map' feature is almost impossible to read (even when you're used to working with maps).
14. GPS systems are tripe compared to a good ol' map.
15. When you stop at a service station, and take it with you the restaurant (which is a mistake anyway let it get stolen) you look like a nonse, as it will keep telling you to turn right in 100 yards.
And this was the news that I went with my friend Michael to Fiest In The Park, in Huntingdon Race Couse. It's basically a car show based on people's love of Ford Fiestas (and there were about 1300 cars there), but other Ford models are welcomed too. So Michael and I went up there in his newest Ford Escort Cabriolet Mk IV. That would be his third this year (largely due to bad luck, and unreliability).
The day started out a bit moist and cold (I wasn't expecting the moist part - hence after a short bike ride to Michael's I had moist trousers around the shins - delightful). At Thurrock Services (where they have never heard of an early morning cooked breakfast - as everything was closed) it was as cold as a Polar Bear's ding dong. But by the time we arrived in Huntingdon, just after 8am (having left at 5am - ouch) it was a beautiful sunny day. Having misinterpreted the weather again, I didn't take any sun cream. This has left me able to do my lobster impression...
It was a good day, although it did start to drag on towards the end (when alot of the cars were leaving). I really enjoyed wondering around the show, and looking at the cars. However, despite the 1300 Fords on display, I only found two cars that were anywhere near the same colour as Ernie. And when I asked the owners, they said that their colour was Inca - not Champagne Gold like my beautful Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate. So there we go - yet more proof that Ernie is very special.
And I can't finish this weeks post without mentioning the SATs exams that I helped out with. There you go, I mentioned it.
Oh yeah, and this post was a day late. You'll get over it. (Thanks to Bev who noticed)
If you like Ford Fiestas, why not leave a comment saying that you wish you owned an Escort.
If you don't like Ford Fiestas, why not leave a comment saying that you do/ have owned as Escort.
Quote of the Week: 'CONDENSATION!' shouted the child I was helping in his SATs, in the middle of the exam room, with 7 other students, as he tried desperatly to remember the opposite to evaporation.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
I guess I look younger when I'm sailing
First off the bat, clearly no one appreciates the fact that I missed parts of Indiana Jones last week. Not only did I miss some of one of the greatest films of all times, but none of you beggers could be arsed to leave a chuffin' comment. Well cheers for that!
Well, this has been a slightly more eventful week. I usually like to keep my audience in suspense about my post titles, and today is no different. Even though my cryptic title does stem from a story from early in my week, you'll just have to wait.
The main excitement this week was provided by yet another visit to the Accident & Emergency department of Worthing Hospital (which I am pleased to say, has been saved). Yes, an ambulance was used, and yes, so was Ernie. But, for reasons of me ever speaking to the person again, I can't say who or why we went to A&E. What I can say, is that the casualty was very drunk that evening, although they had sobered up a little by the time we got to Hospital, at just after midnight.
Just three short hours later (which we spent watching three late night medical staff watch us, watch them, watch us... you get the idea) we were finaly seen by a doctor. The doctor decided that it was an overnight job, before deciding half an hour later it might not be. He said that he would like to see the result of the blood count, and if that was alright, we could all go home.
I've gotta tell you, Worthing Hospital must be able to employ someone else, other than 'The Count' from Sesame Street, to count blood. Well, the amount of time it took for the blood count, it seemed only possible for The Count to trawling slowly through individual cells: 'One blood, ah, ah, ahh... Two blood, ah, ah, ahh...' If you have no idea what I'm talking about, more fool you.
Anyways, it took the doctor an hour an a half to come back with results. We think that he went on a break. The doc cleared us to leave, and so we left. The more observant amongst you, will have realised that that makes the time 5 am by the time we left. I've never driven home after a night out in the daylight before. I didn't even need full headlights!
Which brings us nicely to Saturday. I have to ask, what is wrong with me? In the afternoon, the family were invited to a neighbour's for a garden party (congratulations Chris on the new job). It was a reasonable enough party, just not really my scene. Full of parents, chatting about 'parenty stuff', and young children. Of course mum was in her element.
Having failed in that environment, you would think I would be much more comfortable where I started off my evening. For the last few weeks I've been helping to instruct some sailing classes at a local sailing club. One of the young attractive female instructors had her birthday this week. She invited me to join her and her friends in celebrating her birthday on Saturday evening. Where do most young attractive females like to celebrate their birthday? Night clubs of course.
I have to say, that I always find 'nights out' to club like places facinating. First off, people always seem really happy, nay elated that I have 'gone out'. Why? I don't get drunk, I don't get rowdy, I don't dance, I'm not exactly the life and soul of the party, and all I'm able to do is make glib remarks that no one can hear. Furthermore, nothing exciting ever happens when 'I'm out'. It's like I'm a walking human dull magnet. Answers on a postcard please...
So, I got in a round of drinks (a first for me - but I am a gentleman after all), and endured 90 minutes, until I had to leave. So tell me, oh wise CATCOUK readers - what is wrong with me? I don't fit in with the usual social habbits of people my own age, or people older than me (although I am partial to drinks and chatting at a pub). To be honest, if someone asks me out to celebrate their birthday, I'll always go to the bar, but I don't usually go on to a club afterwards. Is it any wonder I don't meet women?
Which brings us neatly back around to the title. It's a known fact, that most people (old or young) over-guess my age. The current record is 36 (and I was 18 at the time!). But a few weeks back, one of the kids wouldn't believe that I was instructor. He believed I was 15 or 16. And earlier on this week, said young attractive female instructor said that she thought I was 18 or 19. So, I guess I must just look younger when I'm sailing.
And on that bombshell, and with Family Guy on TV, it's time to say good night.
If you think that I look older than I am (21 by the way), why not leave a message saying that you have never seen me sailing.
If you think that I look younger than I am (21 by the way), why not leave a message saying that you have only ever seen me sailing.
Quote of the Week: 'Do you want your ambulance now, or later' I asked the drunk person. As it turned out, they wanted it later on.
Well, this has been a slightly more eventful week. I usually like to keep my audience in suspense about my post titles, and today is no different. Even though my cryptic title does stem from a story from early in my week, you'll just have to wait.
The main excitement this week was provided by yet another visit to the Accident & Emergency department of Worthing Hospital (which I am pleased to say, has been saved). Yes, an ambulance was used, and yes, so was Ernie. But, for reasons of me ever speaking to the person again, I can't say who or why we went to A&E. What I can say, is that the casualty was very drunk that evening, although they had sobered up a little by the time we got to Hospital, at just after midnight.
Just three short hours later (which we spent watching three late night medical staff watch us, watch them, watch us... you get the idea) we were finaly seen by a doctor. The doctor decided that it was an overnight job, before deciding half an hour later it might not be. He said that he would like to see the result of the blood count, and if that was alright, we could all go home.
I've gotta tell you, Worthing Hospital must be able to employ someone else, other than 'The Count' from Sesame Street, to count blood. Well, the amount of time it took for the blood count, it seemed only possible for The Count to trawling slowly through individual cells: 'One blood, ah, ah, ahh... Two blood, ah, ah, ahh...' If you have no idea what I'm talking about, more fool you.
Anyways, it took the doctor an hour an a half to come back with results. We think that he went on a break. The doc cleared us to leave, and so we left. The more observant amongst you, will have realised that that makes the time 5 am by the time we left. I've never driven home after a night out in the daylight before. I didn't even need full headlights!
Which brings us nicely to Saturday. I have to ask, what is wrong with me? In the afternoon, the family were invited to a neighbour's for a garden party (congratulations Chris on the new job). It was a reasonable enough party, just not really my scene. Full of parents, chatting about 'parenty stuff', and young children. Of course mum was in her element.
Having failed in that environment, you would think I would be much more comfortable where I started off my evening. For the last few weeks I've been helping to instruct some sailing classes at a local sailing club. One of the young attractive female instructors had her birthday this week. She invited me to join her and her friends in celebrating her birthday on Saturday evening. Where do most young attractive females like to celebrate their birthday? Night clubs of course.
I have to say, that I always find 'nights out' to club like places facinating. First off, people always seem really happy, nay elated that I have 'gone out'. Why? I don't get drunk, I don't get rowdy, I don't dance, I'm not exactly the life and soul of the party, and all I'm able to do is make glib remarks that no one can hear. Furthermore, nothing exciting ever happens when 'I'm out'. It's like I'm a walking human dull magnet. Answers on a postcard please...
So, I got in a round of drinks (a first for me - but I am a gentleman after all), and endured 90 minutes, until I had to leave. So tell me, oh wise CATCOUK readers - what is wrong with me? I don't fit in with the usual social habbits of people my own age, or people older than me (although I am partial to drinks and chatting at a pub). To be honest, if someone asks me out to celebrate their birthday, I'll always go to the bar, but I don't usually go on to a club afterwards. Is it any wonder I don't meet women?
Which brings us neatly back around to the title. It's a known fact, that most people (old or young) over-guess my age. The current record is 36 (and I was 18 at the time!). But a few weeks back, one of the kids wouldn't believe that I was instructor. He believed I was 15 or 16. And earlier on this week, said young attractive female instructor said that she thought I was 18 or 19. So, I guess I must just look younger when I'm sailing.
And on that bombshell, and with Family Guy on TV, it's time to say good night.
If you think that I look older than I am (21 by the way), why not leave a message saying that you have never seen me sailing.
If you think that I look younger than I am (21 by the way), why not leave a message saying that you have only ever seen me sailing.
Quote of the Week: 'Do you want your ambulance now, or later' I asked the drunk person. As it turned out, they wanted it later on.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
I hope you appreciate that I'm missing Indiana Jones for this...
Good evening/ afternoon/ morning/ other (please state) ____________________
Once again, another busy week of rolling out of bed at 9, watch a bit of M*A*S*H*, followed by some Stargate action. Yes, my mornings aren't exactly bristling with activity.
I had my trailer (Bernie the battleship) home this week, to make add a few minor upgrades. I have now replaced the wooden block and hooks that were temporary measures a year ago (they lasted well), and I now have some shiuny metal ones instead. I have also put some new rear light clusters on the trailer. That shockingly means that I now have road legal lights - that actually work! Amazing!
But once again, the most exciting parts of my week fall back on my weekend. Saturday was very exciting. First mum and I went and got lunch. Then after an afternoon of heavy TV watching, we managed to go and run a shuffleboard evening in the name of Lancing & Sompting Lions club. It doesn't really matter what a shuffleboard evening is, all you need to know is that is raises money. Well, on Saturday night, takings were down a little (in aid of MacMillan Cancer Support). So I told them that the club would pay the remaining £62 to make it up to £200. With no senior lion there, I didn't really have permission to do this. I haven't told the club yet...
But the real excitement of my week has been today. It was another NTC kayak training day, in the delightful waters of Chichester Canal Basin. That's right, everything you need to catch just about any water based disease going: litter, rusting barges, overgrown weeds, and the ever pleasant floating dead birds (no really, it's true). Oddly enough though, the water still tastes nice and fresh.
To get to the canal, we first had our usual fiasco of how to get all the cadets there. At TS Intrepid, we do have one minor problem - about a million cadets, and only muggins here (thus one car) going. I know that I had hinted at this before, but I feel that I do need to restate my position once again:
WE NEED A CHUFFING MINIBUS!!!!!!!
15 cadets in one car does not go! When will anyone listen to me? I know that Ernie is an amazing car, but when will anyone realise, that amazing as Ernie is, he is no TARDIS, and no, he is not bigger on the inside, than he is on the outside.
Having said that, I did get to play with some new toys today. Firstly, I was finally allowed to tow the new TS Intrepid box trailer. £2,500 worth of Ivor Williams trailery goodness. And it was really good as well. Lovely to tow along, brilliant to reverse. Not to mention the oodles of cargo space. Big enough in fact, to carry the second of the new toys we were playing with.
(I'm now missing brand new Family Guy as well. I hope you're happy now.)
Our fleet of 6 new Tek Sport 240 kayaks (with all the fixings). And they did great. Really good fun, and I thinks the kids really enjoed them as well.
Having had a great day (thanks to TS Sturdy, and their instructors), we all got changed, dried off, and we were gathered around the big trees chatting. Thanking Graham and Julie for their hard work, and looking forward to seeing them next time yadda yadda ya. When suddenly (pause for dramatic effect) we heard some tyres screeching, as a car came to a sudden stop. Many of us we ready to start jumping in to save people, but the learner driver had managed to stop their red Vauxhall Corsa before landing it in the canal.
Oddly enough, the car had stopped at a funny angle, and it stayed that way for sometime. As we stood on the opposite bank of the canal, laughing at them, making comments about whether they had Buoyancy Aids, a police car pulled out gently from the police station up the road, casually put on his blue flashing lights, and parked up behind the car, that nearly did it's best impression of a submarine. If the almost crash hadn't scared the poo poo out of the learner driver, then the friendly policemen stepping out of the car, menacingly putting on their hats certainly did.
And as if that wasn't enough excitement for one day, when I returned home, there was a serious situation in progress. So seroius, fire engines were rushing up the road, with lights flashing, sirens wailing. Of course they were nothing to do with us, but it was a scary situation. The Montecat had escaped! I don't think that I have ever mentioned the Montenator in a post, but Monty is our cat. He is a bit like the Mr. T of the cat world. He weighs 18 pounds (which is an awful lot for a cat), and he rarely gets into a fight (because he just stares at other cats, and they think better of it). Anyways, the Monster had escaped!
At the back of out house is a 10ft fence (to keep El Montenaro caged). At dinner time, he was nowhere to be found (very unlike him). After some investigation, and a ladder later, Dad found him on the otherside of the fence, miaowing, unable to scale the fence (as I said, he's a heavy cat). So, we dispatched two cars to the factory unit next door (Ian and Mum, and I followed them, as I had just got home). We evnentually got him into a cat box, but we were ready with the high powered tranqulizer rifles. For the safety of the public...
Well that's it from me. There was one other amusing moment this week, but I can't tell you what it is. Well, maybe if you ask me nicely...
If you have nearly crashed into a canal, why not leave a comment, telling us what a crap driver you are.
If you have never nearly crashed into a canal, why not leave a comment, telling us that you've never lived.
Quote of the Week: 'I wonder what colour their underwear is now' said one parent, about the people in the car that nearly ploughed into the canal.
Song of the Month: Cops and Robbers. The Hoosiers. (I really love this band - I even have their album!)
Once again, another busy week of rolling out of bed at 9, watch a bit of M*A*S*H*, followed by some Stargate action. Yes, my mornings aren't exactly bristling with activity.
I had my trailer (Bernie the battleship) home this week, to make add a few minor upgrades. I have now replaced the wooden block and hooks that were temporary measures a year ago (they lasted well), and I now have some shiuny metal ones instead. I have also put some new rear light clusters on the trailer. That shockingly means that I now have road legal lights - that actually work! Amazing!
But once again, the most exciting parts of my week fall back on my weekend. Saturday was very exciting. First mum and I went and got lunch. Then after an afternoon of heavy TV watching, we managed to go and run a shuffleboard evening in the name of Lancing & Sompting Lions club. It doesn't really matter what a shuffleboard evening is, all you need to know is that is raises money. Well, on Saturday night, takings were down a little (in aid of MacMillan Cancer Support). So I told them that the club would pay the remaining £62 to make it up to £200. With no senior lion there, I didn't really have permission to do this. I haven't told the club yet...
But the real excitement of my week has been today. It was another NTC kayak training day, in the delightful waters of Chichester Canal Basin. That's right, everything you need to catch just about any water based disease going: litter, rusting barges, overgrown weeds, and the ever pleasant floating dead birds (no really, it's true). Oddly enough though, the water still tastes nice and fresh.
To get to the canal, we first had our usual fiasco of how to get all the cadets there. At TS Intrepid, we do have one minor problem - about a million cadets, and only muggins here (thus one car) going. I know that I had hinted at this before, but I feel that I do need to restate my position once again:
WE NEED A CHUFFING MINIBUS!!!!!!!
15 cadets in one car does not go! When will anyone listen to me? I know that Ernie is an amazing car, but when will anyone realise, that amazing as Ernie is, he is no TARDIS, and no, he is not bigger on the inside, than he is on the outside.
Having said that, I did get to play with some new toys today. Firstly, I was finally allowed to tow the new TS Intrepid box trailer. £2,500 worth of Ivor Williams trailery goodness. And it was really good as well. Lovely to tow along, brilliant to reverse. Not to mention the oodles of cargo space. Big enough in fact, to carry the second of the new toys we were playing with.
(I'm now missing brand new Family Guy as well. I hope you're happy now.)
Our fleet of 6 new Tek Sport 240 kayaks (with all the fixings). And they did great. Really good fun, and I thinks the kids really enjoed them as well.
Having had a great day (thanks to TS Sturdy, and their instructors), we all got changed, dried off, and we were gathered around the big trees chatting. Thanking Graham and Julie for their hard work, and looking forward to seeing them next time yadda yadda ya. When suddenly (pause for dramatic effect) we heard some tyres screeching, as a car came to a sudden stop. Many of us we ready to start jumping in to save people, but the learner driver had managed to stop their red Vauxhall Corsa before landing it in the canal.
Oddly enough, the car had stopped at a funny angle, and it stayed that way for sometime. As we stood on the opposite bank of the canal, laughing at them, making comments about whether they had Buoyancy Aids, a police car pulled out gently from the police station up the road, casually put on his blue flashing lights, and parked up behind the car, that nearly did it's best impression of a submarine. If the almost crash hadn't scared the poo poo out of the learner driver, then the friendly policemen stepping out of the car, menacingly putting on their hats certainly did.
And as if that wasn't enough excitement for one day, when I returned home, there was a serious situation in progress. So seroius, fire engines were rushing up the road, with lights flashing, sirens wailing. Of course they were nothing to do with us, but it was a scary situation. The Montecat had escaped! I don't think that I have ever mentioned the Montenator in a post, but Monty is our cat. He is a bit like the Mr. T of the cat world. He weighs 18 pounds (which is an awful lot for a cat), and he rarely gets into a fight (because he just stares at other cats, and they think better of it). Anyways, the Monster had escaped!
At the back of out house is a 10ft fence (to keep El Montenaro caged). At dinner time, he was nowhere to be found (very unlike him). After some investigation, and a ladder later, Dad found him on the otherside of the fence, miaowing, unable to scale the fence (as I said, he's a heavy cat). So, we dispatched two cars to the factory unit next door (Ian and Mum, and I followed them, as I had just got home). We evnentually got him into a cat box, but we were ready with the high powered tranqulizer rifles. For the safety of the public...
Well that's it from me. There was one other amusing moment this week, but I can't tell you what it is. Well, maybe if you ask me nicely...
If you have nearly crashed into a canal, why not leave a comment, telling us what a crap driver you are.
If you have never nearly crashed into a canal, why not leave a comment, telling us that you've never lived.
Quote of the Week: 'I wonder what colour their underwear is now' said one parent, about the people in the car that nearly ploughed into the canal.
Song of the Month: Cops and Robbers. The Hoosiers. (I really love this band - I even have their album!)
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