Good evening sports fans! For those of your blissfully unaware, in the traditional English cricketing traditions, we have collapsed against the Aussie team. Marvellous.
Anyways, I haven't posted for a while, but a few things have been happening lately that I thought were vaguely blog-able, so I thought I would.
Firstly, I was offered a job a s a Teaching Assistant at Chesswood School (where I have worked/ volunteered for many moons), and I start in September! The interviews was pretty amusing - they were held on a day, whilst I was camping with there year 7 on a residential. I had to drive back to school for the interview (giving 'rival' candidate Dave a lift as well). We both got jobs, so were all good. But just in case, I put a wheel barrow in his tent (it was one of many silly pranks played).
This has been something of a poisoned chalice (I have no idea if that is spelt correctly). Don't get me wrong, I'm really pleased to have the job, but it left me to survive until late October (when I'll see my first wage packet) on just £6 (and that's really all that was left of my £1500 overdraft). I couldn't get a full-time job, as I'd be elsewhere in six weeks. So temping was my only option.
My first job was deep cleaning an alzheimers hospital (very depressing). I worked with two black guys (a Gambian and a Barbados man), and a student like myself. On the first day, with some apprehension, I introduced myself, and asked their names (dreading two very complicated names). Oddly, the Barbados man (who was really freindly) was called Michael, the Gambian was Michael (both very English names), and the English student was called someything odd like Martel, or someone. Serves me right for stereotyping...
For the last two weeks, I have been cleaning for Brighton General Hospital - which has one very odd attribute for a General Hospital. It hasn't got any patients. The building I clean is all officers, and two corridors have out-patient facilities. I went their expecting to clean up vomit, and ended up hoovering offices...
No CATCOUK post would be complete without an Ernie update! And shockingly, almost everything works again. My best mate Michael bought an Orion (a saloon version of my car) with exactly the same 1.4 litre engine. He's replacing his engine with a 2 litre, and knowing Ernie is in need of a new carburettor, he whipped the one out of his Orion, and we transplanted it into Ernie's engine bay. Easy job, only took an hour or so...
And then we noticed that we had more pipes that places to put them on the 'new' carb. Bugger. We noticed another component that had more pipes in Michaels car, and less in Ernie, so we swapped that, and we had enough places to put pipes. They're probably all in the right place, and the engines runs properly now, so it probbaly worked. In the end, just a 2.5 hour job!
Michael also donated his radio, so now my passengers and I can here this strange sound, which if I remember corrctly is called - radio. It is good fun...
So, last year, I chipped a Wisdom tooth. Not being a dentist fan, I ignored it, and didn't seek help. In the last few weeks, an absys developed (which hurts like you wouldn't believe), so I gave in, and went and saw the new dentist in the village. Well, it was private (so better and deerer than NHS), but wow, was that chap good. The tooth couldn't be saved, and he had to pull it. I didn't feel a thing (for the first three hours...). An NHS dentist would have referred me to hospital, and that would have cost upward of £200, but Dr. Stan Lee, Dental Surgeon (his parents had a good sense of humour) drilled it in two, and pulled it there and then.
Unfortunately, and unusually, it didn't stop bleeding for 6 hours, and after a stitch, and a further visit to the emergency dental service at Worting A&E, I was pretty damn unhappy. The moral of the story is probably to visit the dentist, and get over your fears - but it chuffing hurt for 5 days!
So, what time does a Chinaman go to the Dentist? 2 - 30 (say it aloud). And what time was my appointment? Quarter past 2 - damn...
Quote of the week: 'I don't wear a bra for their benefit - I do it to stop my boobs hurting!' ranted the very attractive 32DD young female teacher who has also been temping as a cleaner at Brighton General, complaining about the 'dirty old men' that spoke to her on her way to work... [She was very attractive]
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Sunday, July 05, 2009
That kind of sums everything up really...
Well, I said that my blog would stop be broadcast on a weekly basis as soon as I received my University results. That day has no come and gone, and this will be the very last CATCOUK post to appear on a regular weekly basis (yes, I'm aware that I forgot to write last week). Prepare to be disappointed...
So this week, I have spent the week with the School at Broadstone Warren. Because of some frankly useless new staff, the regular full week was replaced by two and a half days. I was angry when I heard about it, and I was as disappointed with the result as I had expected. Come Wednesday (whne the groups swapped), it felt as if we had only just begun our work as experiential educators. Never mind, back to a full week next year!
Regardless of the poor length of the week, it was still good fun. The children that I worked with were all fantastic. Well, except for the child that knocked on the door to wake Joe (a colleague) and I up Tuesday morning. Expecting some sort of problem, I answered, only to be greeted with: 'How much longer until we can get up?' I looked at the child in disbelief - what did he think we were doing. Lying around just to p*ss them all off? No! I was asleep.
There was also the occasion when the boys staying in the log cabin room next to me said that they were scared of being attacked. On the way from the main centre to the cabin, they had seen a Buck stalking around nearby. They told us that they were freightened that the 'man deer' might attack them. Wet bunch of children...
In the evenings, once the children have gone to bed, the staff settle down, and relax with some snacks. One evening we played charades, and I just cannot forget the actions that Sue (one of the Special Educational Needs Coordinators) used to describe 'The Twits'. Good goodness that was hilarious. Not being well at the moment, I went to bed early at 11.30pm. Some of the staff ended up going to stalk for deer (especially the scary 'man deer'). When they returned, they thought it would be hilarious to stack all of the dinner tables and chairs outside into two large pyramid formations. I was vaguely aware of this, when Joe told me about it at 2am when he came to bed (waking me up). I stumbled up to the centre from the log cabin in the morning (I'm getting less and less a morning person every year), to see this large display - hillarious. [Incidentally, the staff involved chickened out, and brought everything down before the year leader woke up.]
The second group of lads moved in to the log cabin on Wednesday, and told me that they were worried, as they had been told that squirrels attack them. I told them it was nonsense. I awake Thursday morning to the sound of squirrels barking. Odd, but never mind. Later on, I find out that a group of squirrels had indeed gone in through the window, and had caused havoc (apparently wee-weeing on a child face!). Oh well, shows what I know!
Well, Thursday rolled around, and I got a text message from Holly. I am very pleased, and proud to say that she has achieved a 2.2 in her degree (sort of a C), and I would just like to congratulate her. I'd also like to congratulate all of my other Uni friends. I haven't heard from any others, but I'm sure that you all did great - so well done.
Well, I was at camp, with no internet to find out my results. After resisting the temptation all day, I phoned my mum, and talked her through the steps. A painful 20 minutes later, I found out my results. 4 years of hard work, and a massive debt, I just had to know the outcome...
As a side issue, Mum has fractured her forearm in two places. She was turning her motor-scooter in the church car park, and it fell over. Apparently God doesn't save all...
So, just like most things in my life, I tried hard, but in time-honoured Top Gear fashion, I came up short. If things had panned outr as expected, I would now be pleased to tell you the I hold a first class honours (A) in Adventure Education. Unfortunately, one module didn't quite get over 70% (well, the videography man wanted something artsy fartsy - I can't do it). Another was a complete shambles, barely achieving a pass - no other module has scored that low! So, frustratingly, I have to report that I was awarded a 2nd Class Honours Upper Division award in Adventure Education. I'm gutted, but hey, I have a degree, and I can be a teacher. Hey-ho.
So, that pretty much sums everything up. No matter what I do in life, no matter how hard I try, I'm just above average, and things rarely turn out right. Bugger.
(What a finishing line to CATCOUK, huh? Oh wait, bugger, does this one count too...?)
So this week, I have spent the week with the School at Broadstone Warren. Because of some frankly useless new staff, the regular full week was replaced by two and a half days. I was angry when I heard about it, and I was as disappointed with the result as I had expected. Come Wednesday (whne the groups swapped), it felt as if we had only just begun our work as experiential educators. Never mind, back to a full week next year!
Regardless of the poor length of the week, it was still good fun. The children that I worked with were all fantastic. Well, except for the child that knocked on the door to wake Joe (a colleague) and I up Tuesday morning. Expecting some sort of problem, I answered, only to be greeted with: 'How much longer until we can get up?' I looked at the child in disbelief - what did he think we were doing. Lying around just to p*ss them all off? No! I was asleep.
There was also the occasion when the boys staying in the log cabin room next to me said that they were scared of being attacked. On the way from the main centre to the cabin, they had seen a Buck stalking around nearby. They told us that they were freightened that the 'man deer' might attack them. Wet bunch of children...
In the evenings, once the children have gone to bed, the staff settle down, and relax with some snacks. One evening we played charades, and I just cannot forget the actions that Sue (one of the Special Educational Needs Coordinators) used to describe 'The Twits'. Good goodness that was hilarious. Not being well at the moment, I went to bed early at 11.30pm. Some of the staff ended up going to stalk for deer (especially the scary 'man deer'). When they returned, they thought it would be hilarious to stack all of the dinner tables and chairs outside into two large pyramid formations. I was vaguely aware of this, when Joe told me about it at 2am when he came to bed (waking me up). I stumbled up to the centre from the log cabin in the morning (I'm getting less and less a morning person every year), to see this large display - hillarious. [Incidentally, the staff involved chickened out, and brought everything down before the year leader woke up.]
The second group of lads moved in to the log cabin on Wednesday, and told me that they were worried, as they had been told that squirrels attack them. I told them it was nonsense. I awake Thursday morning to the sound of squirrels barking. Odd, but never mind. Later on, I find out that a group of squirrels had indeed gone in through the window, and had caused havoc (apparently wee-weeing on a child face!). Oh well, shows what I know!
Well, Thursday rolled around, and I got a text message from Holly. I am very pleased, and proud to say that she has achieved a 2.2 in her degree (sort of a C), and I would just like to congratulate her. I'd also like to congratulate all of my other Uni friends. I haven't heard from any others, but I'm sure that you all did great - so well done.
Well, I was at camp, with no internet to find out my results. After resisting the temptation all day, I phoned my mum, and talked her through the steps. A painful 20 minutes later, I found out my results. 4 years of hard work, and a massive debt, I just had to know the outcome...
As a side issue, Mum has fractured her forearm in two places. She was turning her motor-scooter in the church car park, and it fell over. Apparently God doesn't save all...
So, just like most things in my life, I tried hard, but in time-honoured Top Gear fashion, I came up short. If things had panned outr as expected, I would now be pleased to tell you the I hold a first class honours (A) in Adventure Education. Unfortunately, one module didn't quite get over 70% (well, the videography man wanted something artsy fartsy - I can't do it). Another was a complete shambles, barely achieving a pass - no other module has scored that low! So, frustratingly, I have to report that I was awarded a 2nd Class Honours Upper Division award in Adventure Education. I'm gutted, but hey, I have a degree, and I can be a teacher. Hey-ho.
So, that pretty much sums everything up. No matter what I do in life, no matter how hard I try, I'm just above average, and things rarely turn out right. Bugger.
(What a finishing line to CATCOUK, huh? Oh wait, bugger, does this one count too...?)
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Escape from Brighton!
Hello all. First things first, did Ernie pass his MOT? Well, yes. The second time... It didn't go entirely well, but as always, Ernie knew I was skint, so he cost less than £200 (which is less than the £400 I feared). However, the magic man, at the magic garage, spent many an hour with Ernie, but just could not get the engine fixed. So, currently, I have a road legal car, but with a very poorly engine.
Yet another busy weekend for me, courtesy of the NTC. Except, and most bizarrely, my unit (the mighty TS Intrepid) didn't do anything! What's going on? Well, I love camping, and generally taking young people away for the weekend, and leading lots of great activities for them. So when another unit was in trouble, and their camp was on the brink of cancellation, I stepped in to lend a hand.
I have to say, although I have never really met the cadets of TS Zealous before (or indeed had anything to do with the unit), it's good to know that the NTC is the same all over. The same level of general silliness, the level of pride, and of course the cadets. As with all new groups, I was afraid that I would end up spending the weekend with 15 horribly behaved cadets, but they were great - I don't think there were any serious arguments. Well done.
Of course, the camp was going to be cancelled, but my friend Natalie stepped in, and organised this camp in the last few weeks. If that's not hard enough, she's never organised a camp before in her life! Other than one slight slip-up, the camp went off without a hitch, and I don't think anyone could have done much better with what we had. And what we had wasn't much...
I should firstly say that I'm intending to do a camp there with Intrepid in August, and that the campsite itself is fantastic. But the prices, and the facilities, and the organisation... a little suspect. Zealous hired the building there (which wasn't Natalie's choice, but it had already been booked by another officer), and the buildings cost an astronomical £175 a night! In the real world, for what we got is not much, but in comparison to any other place that I have hired is ridiculously expensive. There isn't a single person that I have spoken to that thought this was reasonable (even if that includes the bunk house).
So, having paid 5 star prices for this Hilton Hotel, what did we get? A only just maintained building, with features like: some of heaters hanging off of the wall, a sinking wooden floor, doors that don't close. Even cheakier than that, but even after paying that massive price, we still have to put money in the meter for hot water and showers! Are they kidding? Then to add insult to injury, we bought 10 orienteering maps at £1 each, to get 10 black & white photocopied maps, that probably cost 5p to make. They weren't even laminated!
Finally, just to really mess with us, we booked a caving session, and were told that we would have to get trained on it. It would either be a Tuesday or a Wednesday before, or most likely the Saturday of the camp. They'd let us know. By the day before, we hadn't heard anything, so that would be chased up. I didn't hear anything back, until the Saturday morning, when we happened to see someone by chance, who then found out that the caving man wasn't coming. Overall, not great.
But the actual campsite, the woods, and the activity facilities are great. The camp is clearly run be the older Scout people, and I'm sure that they are all volunteers, and they look understaffed. So I can't complain too much, but I was really disappointed. Intrepid will be going there, and we'll be camping in tents, which is only slightly more expensive than other Scout campsites. We'll have a great time (especially if we can get the caving organise...).
Anyways, what does the title mean this week? Well, the unit I was with are from Brighton, specifically Hollingbury. I dropped all the cadets kit of (with Ernie and Bernie). I then offered to drop some of the other adults off in Whitehawk, on the otherside of the city. Maybe a 15 minute job at most? Not this weekend - it was the big London to Brighton bike ride! Bloomin' bikes - half of the roads are closed, the other half are under strict traffic control from plastic police people.
30 minutes later, I dropped Pip and Lewis off at home. Not wishing to drive through the centre of Brighton, and home being in the opposite direction, I decided to go around the outskirts of Brighton, and go out via Woodingdean. I pulled onto the road, and was greeted with miles of traffic. A quick U-turn (not as easy with a traier), and I had to brave it through Brighton. But I decided to use the backstreets...
I phoned dad (being Father's Day, and wishing to apologise for being late home), and explained that I would, somehow, somewhere over the rainbow, escape from Brighton to get home. Eventually...
Several wrong turns, and U-turns later, I was on the Lewis Road. Heading in the wrong direction (ish), but I would soon be back on the main road (A27). I got the road that heads to the A27, and it was closed for the chuffin' bikes! So I had to keep going (in the wrong direction), until I got on the A27 - in the wrong direction. But that's alright, I'll just turn around on the Woodingdean flyover junction.
No - full of traffic - I has to drive 5 miles, in the wrong direction, until I reached the roundabout at Lewis. What should have taken about 45 minutes to get through Brighton, took over and hour and a half!!!
Anyways, I am now home, a successful camp done, and another very tired me... Goodnight!
PS - sneekily, Top Gear have started a new series. I didn't know (maybe because I never see the TV anymore) - so if you didn't either, check it out on BBC iPlayer - www.bbbc.co.uk/iplayer. I kid you not, they reveal who The Stig is!!!
Yet another busy weekend for me, courtesy of the NTC. Except, and most bizarrely, my unit (the mighty TS Intrepid) didn't do anything! What's going on? Well, I love camping, and generally taking young people away for the weekend, and leading lots of great activities for them. So when another unit was in trouble, and their camp was on the brink of cancellation, I stepped in to lend a hand.
I have to say, although I have never really met the cadets of TS Zealous before (or indeed had anything to do with the unit), it's good to know that the NTC is the same all over. The same level of general silliness, the level of pride, and of course the cadets. As with all new groups, I was afraid that I would end up spending the weekend with 15 horribly behaved cadets, but they were great - I don't think there were any serious arguments. Well done.
Of course, the camp was going to be cancelled, but my friend Natalie stepped in, and organised this camp in the last few weeks. If that's not hard enough, she's never organised a camp before in her life! Other than one slight slip-up, the camp went off without a hitch, and I don't think anyone could have done much better with what we had. And what we had wasn't much...
I should firstly say that I'm intending to do a camp there with Intrepid in August, and that the campsite itself is fantastic. But the prices, and the facilities, and the organisation... a little suspect. Zealous hired the building there (which wasn't Natalie's choice, but it had already been booked by another officer), and the buildings cost an astronomical £175 a night! In the real world, for what we got is not much, but in comparison to any other place that I have hired is ridiculously expensive. There isn't a single person that I have spoken to that thought this was reasonable (even if that includes the bunk house).
So, having paid 5 star prices for this Hilton Hotel, what did we get? A only just maintained building, with features like: some of heaters hanging off of the wall, a sinking wooden floor, doors that don't close. Even cheakier than that, but even after paying that massive price, we still have to put money in the meter for hot water and showers! Are they kidding? Then to add insult to injury, we bought 10 orienteering maps at £1 each, to get 10 black & white photocopied maps, that probably cost 5p to make. They weren't even laminated!
Finally, just to really mess with us, we booked a caving session, and were told that we would have to get trained on it. It would either be a Tuesday or a Wednesday before, or most likely the Saturday of the camp. They'd let us know. By the day before, we hadn't heard anything, so that would be chased up. I didn't hear anything back, until the Saturday morning, when we happened to see someone by chance, who then found out that the caving man wasn't coming. Overall, not great.
But the actual campsite, the woods, and the activity facilities are great. The camp is clearly run be the older Scout people, and I'm sure that they are all volunteers, and they look understaffed. So I can't complain too much, but I was really disappointed. Intrepid will be going there, and we'll be camping in tents, which is only slightly more expensive than other Scout campsites. We'll have a great time (especially if we can get the caving organise...).
Anyways, what does the title mean this week? Well, the unit I was with are from Brighton, specifically Hollingbury. I dropped all the cadets kit of (with Ernie and Bernie). I then offered to drop some of the other adults off in Whitehawk, on the otherside of the city. Maybe a 15 minute job at most? Not this weekend - it was the big London to Brighton bike ride! Bloomin' bikes - half of the roads are closed, the other half are under strict traffic control from plastic police people.
30 minutes later, I dropped Pip and Lewis off at home. Not wishing to drive through the centre of Brighton, and home being in the opposite direction, I decided to go around the outskirts of Brighton, and go out via Woodingdean. I pulled onto the road, and was greeted with miles of traffic. A quick U-turn (not as easy with a traier), and I had to brave it through Brighton. But I decided to use the backstreets...
I phoned dad (being Father's Day, and wishing to apologise for being late home), and explained that I would, somehow, somewhere over the rainbow, escape from Brighton to get home. Eventually...
Several wrong turns, and U-turns later, I was on the Lewis Road. Heading in the wrong direction (ish), but I would soon be back on the main road (A27). I got the road that heads to the A27, and it was closed for the chuffin' bikes! So I had to keep going (in the wrong direction), until I got on the A27 - in the wrong direction. But that's alright, I'll just turn around on the Woodingdean flyover junction.
No - full of traffic - I has to drive 5 miles, in the wrong direction, until I reached the roundabout at Lewis. What should have taken about 45 minutes to get through Brighton, took over and hour and a half!!!
Anyways, I am now home, a successful camp done, and another very tired me... Goodnight!
PS - sneekily, Top Gear have started a new series. I didn't know (maybe because I never see the TV anymore) - so if you didn't either, check it out on BBC iPlayer - www.bbbc.co.uk/iplayer. I kid you not, they reveal who The Stig is!!!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
What a week...
Tuesday evening, Mark, one of my friends from TS Sturdy, asked 'So, now that Uni's over, I bet you're getting bored at home.' Chance would be a fine thing...
Founders Day - the entire NTC gathers for a large parade, to celebrate the founding of the organisation. This year, for the first time, it was our regions turn to host, and the God of NTC - Stu Ginnaw - had done most of the work. I felt guilty not being able to assist him sooner, but Uni had to come first. So, in the final week of planning, I hoped to come in, and help prevent Stuart having a mental breakdown...
Monday (6 days to go)...
I had cocked up my final assignment at University (the DVD quality was crap), so I spent most of the day sorting that. Sorry to Kat and Holly, I didn't want to worry you about it, so I went and sorted the problem with Lorne etc...
I rushed home, so that I could start printing parking permits for Founders Day, and hopefully make the 5.45 post. I did get to the letterbox by 5.45, but the postman now collects at 5pm. Damn. I would have posted them sooner, but despite setting a deadline of 31st May, the majority of the Corps works to a different calendar. In the evening I went to band. Sounded good!
Tuesday (5 days to go)
I started to work on the programme for the event. Knowing that it would take some time for me to print the programmes, I set a deadline of 12 noon on Wednesday to start printing. This being my only other pre-weekend job, I didn't rush too much. I had the first couple of pages done (of 16), by the time I left for TS Sturdy's band practice.
On my way home, I phoned Stu (Ginnaw - the God of NTC) to see how things were going, and if there was anything else I could do in preparation. It was at this point that we found out that the officer charged with getting raffle prizes sorted had failed - big time. For our big grand prize draw, over 3000 tickets printed, we had a £100 top cash prize, and... two bottles of wine. Oh dear.
Wednesday (4 days to go)
With the raffle now in dire straights, I asked Mum (who is a genious with this kind of thing) to help me go on the scrounge for prizes. We spent 5 hours trawling the streets of Littlehampton and Angmering, and we had done okay. We had a couple of shops to visit on Thursday, but at the moment, things were looking okay. We had £60 of make-up from Boots, a crystal lamp from Bunces Hardware, and £10 of chocoloate from Sainsburys (of Littlehampton). We had also been donated 10 balls of wool (?), which we traded in, and bought an art kit (from Angmering's craft shop).
All of this was great, but the programme (my main job) hadn't got a look in. Whilst I kept doing the programme, I called Stuart again. He needed to park 2 cars accross the barrier to the field, so that we could gain access on Saturday. I offered Ernie (my car in case you didn't know) for the job, on Friday night. I was up until 2.30 am getting the programme done, when I just had to go to bed. There were still 4 pages to go...
Thursday (3 days to go)
I got up at 10, and started work on the other programme pages. I really needed to start printing by noon today. Noon came and went, and there were still a few pages to go. Them Mum and I went and visited some more stores for prizes (this went amazingly well) - Somerfiled (Littlehampton) donated a portable gas stove, and Esporta Health Club offered 2 day passes and some vouchers. The receptionist at Esporta suggested we tried the gold club next door. I was dubious, but if you don't ask, you don't get. Amazingly, they gave us two day pasess for two, and £40 of top-of-the-range golf balls. Things really were looking up.
- As a side note, nearly everyone we asked gave us a little something. Littlehampton's Sainsburys and Somerfields were really great, and could not have been happier. Others couldn't give us anything because it had to go through head office - fair enough. But Tescos, Tescos wouldn't give us a bean, and their manager had the power to. I guess that they weren't happy enough destroying Littlehampton's businesses, they also want it's community to fail. Or maybe £3bn pound profit isn't enough...?
Then we got home at 4, and I realied that the programme still wasn't done. Amongst calling Stuart, and eating dinner, I carried on with the programme until at 10pm. I finally got Dad to proof read it, and printing started at 10.40pm. I saw that it was taking about an hour to print ten. In order to achieve the order of 200 programmes, I would have to keep the printer running continuosly...
I set the printer for 30 copies, and went to bed, setting my alarm for 3.30am. At 2am, the printer ran out of ink - way before it was estimated to. Dejected, I slumped into bed.
Friday (2 days to go)
Founders Weekend would start today. I was up at 8am (having had barely enough sleep), and I went out and bought some ink. I reduced the demand for colour in the programme, and prayed that it would be enough. Knowing it wouldn't be, I started my personal printer going. It's not a double sided printer, so every programme had to be printed twice (once on each side). Instead of taking 6 minutes to print, it was now taking 12!
Mum (again) came in to help (after saving the raffle), and her local church offered to help us out. They kindly printed 120 (ish) programmes on their colour copier. It was gutting - where it would take my printers 6 and 12 minutes to print a programme, their copier could do one in just 10 seconds!
Regardless, I soldiered on, until the NTC printer was out of ink. Then my printer ran out of black (no worries), so I reloaded it. It was a faulty cartridge, which I then spent half an hour replacing. I got home, started printing again, and decided I should have lunch (it was 2pm afterall). To sum up the day, we were out of white bread, and I had to have thin sliced brown bread. Nuts.
I also went to pick up my uniform from the dry cleaners, as agreed. They hadn't finished it. The lady assured me it would be ready by first thing Saturday morning. Oh, Friday was going so well.
My printer valiantly continued on. Leaving my printer to run more, I went to NTC, with as many programmes as I had, and got the cadets to collate, fold, and staple them. I left early, to commence 'Operation Barricade'. On the way through, I checked my printer. Had it finished printing? No, it had just run out of paper. I reloaded, and carried on to Littlehampton.
Staurt brought me home, after we declared 'Operation Barricade' a success. I printed the other side of the programmes just printed, and also wrote some letters to go with the raffle vouchers, and made up some tags for the donated prizes. I aslo had recieved some angry messages from people with incorrect parking permits, or missing ones. I printed those of too. With 206 programmes printed (I have no idea how), I finally stumbled into bed at 2.30am.
Saturday (1 day to go)
And so the weekend began. I was up at 8.45am, ready for Graham (the boss, and my friend) from TS Sturdy to arrive at 9.30am. He hadn't arrived by 9.15 (and he is usually very early), and I was beginning to worry. It's okay though, because he knocked on the door at 9.20...
Dry cleaning still not ready - Dad had to collect for me.
We had agreed ages ago that we would hire a van, which I would drive, and Graham would ride shotgun. We headed for Lancing. We would have picked up stuff from Intrepid's garages, but my keys were in Ernie, in Littlehampton. We still picked up chairs and tables from the Lions hall, where Paul (my first lieutenant and friend - who has an upside-down head) met us. Together we piled into the big transit of fun, and headed for Southwick, the National Headquarters is.
Unfortunatley, even the traffic was against us. Gridlock. The usual 10 minute journey took over 40. We actually phoned the guy meeting us at NHQ to let us in, and asked him if he could move Southwick closer, because it would be easier than us getting to him. We did eventually arrive, and I backed the long wheel base Transit down the tightest road in the world. On one side is Shoreham Harbour (yes, where I nearly parked my car in the drink last year) with many cars parked along the bank. On the other side are lots of overhanging low balconies that could take out the roof. I didn;t hot a single thing.
The rest of the day consisted getting everything sorted out in Littlehampton, and returning to Lancing and home for stuff (more than once to home). I borrowed Mum and Dad's 'pop-up' gazeebo for my stall. I knew that it had the odd broken pole here and there, but Mum and Dad insisted that I would never get the thing up. I couldn't work out what they were so worried about. I took the gaffer (duct) tape, expecting to joing the odd snapped pole back together.
I opened the bag to find that Dad had completely unbolted the frame. I reconstructed the frame, to find that half of the poles were missing. Determined not to be beaten, I reconstructed one side out of spare poles, and gaffer taped more poles together to form a roof support. The legs had to be held on place by metal stakes hammered 1ft in the ground. Through the power of gaffer tape, the stall, missing half of it's poles, stayed up the entire weekend.
I had also agreed to be security overnight. Some of Implacable's cadets' parents joined Brian Turner (an NHQ officer, and Graham's Dad), and Tyler and John (the miracle workers of TS Intrepid) joined me for a fun evening. I went out and got Chinese, as well as all of the kit I needed for sleeping. In my haste in the van, I took one roundabout a bit too quickly.
Not illegally quick, but apparently faster than I should have because, as I went round, something didn't feel quite right. It was at that point I realised I had put the long-wheelbase Transit into a skid. As best I could, I corrected the skid, and I ended up back on the straight and narrow, and on the dual carriageway. I must have gone as white as a sheet. That was easily the most scared I have been in a vehicle (and I have been a passenger in Holly's car several times...). However, it is possibly also the coolest thing ever - I can now say that I have (albeit unintentionally) power slided a long-wheelbase Ford Transit round a roundabout.
The security eveny went quietly. I went to bed on a camp bed in the back of 'my Transit'. I must have been tired, becuase I rolled over in the pitch black on thge van (no windows)...
Sunday (the day had arrived)
...and when I rolled back over, I couldn't wprk out what the light on the ceiling was. It was a hole in the roof, and it was daylight! 6.30am, and Tyler came up to the door, and told me it was time to get up. Oh joy...
I needed a wee, but I decided I would just get 'this done' first... and that's how my morning went. I kept doing various different jobs, and people kept needing me for stuff. It wasn't until everyone had arrived, I had set mum up with the stall, and TS Intrepid were ready to march on that I finally found some time. Many people had come up to my 'information' stall, and asked for parking permits. I think by about the fifth request (and after much sleep deprivation) I was starting to get 'ratty' with people accusing me of incompetence, and not having passes, that I nearly shouted at one, and told them that they should have requested it two weeks ago!
Anyways, I wasn't the only person who had a busy morning. Stuart had woken up, and also decided to 'just get that done' before using the loo. Oddly, we both met at the public loos at the same time and compared mornings (no, we didn't compare anything else in the gents - you're all sick minded). With the ships forming up, ready to march on, Stu and I took our places with our ships.
I have to say that I thought the day went really well. Stuart had done a fantastic job. The day didn't go exactly how I planned. I had hoped to be on a stall to answer people's questions, and spend about 30mins with Intrepid's band marching along the prom. Nice and relaxed. Wrong. I didn't set down for more than 30mins in the entire day (except for driving). There also wasn't a single band engagement that I didn't end up running accross a field for.
The best one was at the end of the day. I helped Stuart do the raffle draw, and we were just finishing, when someone announced that the region would now march on for Sunset. I ran accross the parade field, picked up my baritone, and ran to the back of the field to fall-in. I was sorting my music, when the drum major brought the band to the ready. Hang on, I'm not ready... Then I was. I brought my baritone up to my face, and saw the mouth piece was missing. So I ran back behind the stalls, to my stall where my mouthpiece was, and then sprinted back to the band. Then we marched on.
Once the parade was over (and I think we all looked and sounded great - including our last minute ageement to brass enseble Sunset), I relaxed. The day was over, and we could all go home. No we couldn't, we still had to take everything down. I changed out of uniform, and then panicked when i found the van keys missing. Sam (one of my senior cadets) found them in the bed of the van.
Thankfully, a friend of mine, Natalie, from Zealous had agreed to help me in the van. We were off of the field by 6.30pm (which suprised Brian Turner, who has done alot of these, and was convinced that we would eb there until 8). Nat and I first went to McDonalds, as we were both hungry, and I needed to recharge before driving. We dropped some stuff off at home, then to Lancing, and finally to NHQ. I dropped Nat off at her house in Hanover about 9.30pm (incidentally, she lives on a stupidly narrow road, and getting the Transit down there was less than fun).
I dropped the van off at 10.15, and Dad took me to Littlehampton to collect Ernie. I eventually sumbled through the door (after the Police had stopped me on suspicion of drunk driving - no seriously) at 11pm. I laughed at the accusing Police officer, explained my day, and he smiled. 'So you're just knackered then sir?' I think he summed it up.
Well Mark - maybe I'll be more bored this week...
Founders Day - the entire NTC gathers for a large parade, to celebrate the founding of the organisation. This year, for the first time, it was our regions turn to host, and the God of NTC - Stu Ginnaw - had done most of the work. I felt guilty not being able to assist him sooner, but Uni had to come first. So, in the final week of planning, I hoped to come in, and help prevent Stuart having a mental breakdown...
Monday (6 days to go)...
I had cocked up my final assignment at University (the DVD quality was crap), so I spent most of the day sorting that. Sorry to Kat and Holly, I didn't want to worry you about it, so I went and sorted the problem with Lorne etc...
I rushed home, so that I could start printing parking permits for Founders Day, and hopefully make the 5.45 post. I did get to the letterbox by 5.45, but the postman now collects at 5pm. Damn. I would have posted them sooner, but despite setting a deadline of 31st May, the majority of the Corps works to a different calendar. In the evening I went to band. Sounded good!
Tuesday (5 days to go)
I started to work on the programme for the event. Knowing that it would take some time for me to print the programmes, I set a deadline of 12 noon on Wednesday to start printing. This being my only other pre-weekend job, I didn't rush too much. I had the first couple of pages done (of 16), by the time I left for TS Sturdy's band practice.
On my way home, I phoned Stu (Ginnaw - the God of NTC) to see how things were going, and if there was anything else I could do in preparation. It was at this point that we found out that the officer charged with getting raffle prizes sorted had failed - big time. For our big grand prize draw, over 3000 tickets printed, we had a £100 top cash prize, and... two bottles of wine. Oh dear.
Wednesday (4 days to go)
With the raffle now in dire straights, I asked Mum (who is a genious with this kind of thing) to help me go on the scrounge for prizes. We spent 5 hours trawling the streets of Littlehampton and Angmering, and we had done okay. We had a couple of shops to visit on Thursday, but at the moment, things were looking okay. We had £60 of make-up from Boots, a crystal lamp from Bunces Hardware, and £10 of chocoloate from Sainsburys (of Littlehampton). We had also been donated 10 balls of wool (?), which we traded in, and bought an art kit (from Angmering's craft shop).
All of this was great, but the programme (my main job) hadn't got a look in. Whilst I kept doing the programme, I called Stuart again. He needed to park 2 cars accross the barrier to the field, so that we could gain access on Saturday. I offered Ernie (my car in case you didn't know) for the job, on Friday night. I was up until 2.30 am getting the programme done, when I just had to go to bed. There were still 4 pages to go...
Thursday (3 days to go)
I got up at 10, and started work on the other programme pages. I really needed to start printing by noon today. Noon came and went, and there were still a few pages to go. Them Mum and I went and visited some more stores for prizes (this went amazingly well) - Somerfiled (Littlehampton) donated a portable gas stove, and Esporta Health Club offered 2 day passes and some vouchers. The receptionist at Esporta suggested we tried the gold club next door. I was dubious, but if you don't ask, you don't get. Amazingly, they gave us two day pasess for two, and £40 of top-of-the-range golf balls. Things really were looking up.
- As a side note, nearly everyone we asked gave us a little something. Littlehampton's Sainsburys and Somerfields were really great, and could not have been happier. Others couldn't give us anything because it had to go through head office - fair enough. But Tescos, Tescos wouldn't give us a bean, and their manager had the power to. I guess that they weren't happy enough destroying Littlehampton's businesses, they also want it's community to fail. Or maybe £3bn pound profit isn't enough...?
Then we got home at 4, and I realied that the programme still wasn't done. Amongst calling Stuart, and eating dinner, I carried on with the programme until at 10pm. I finally got Dad to proof read it, and printing started at 10.40pm. I saw that it was taking about an hour to print ten. In order to achieve the order of 200 programmes, I would have to keep the printer running continuosly...
I set the printer for 30 copies, and went to bed, setting my alarm for 3.30am. At 2am, the printer ran out of ink - way before it was estimated to. Dejected, I slumped into bed.
Friday (2 days to go)
Founders Weekend would start today. I was up at 8am (having had barely enough sleep), and I went out and bought some ink. I reduced the demand for colour in the programme, and prayed that it would be enough. Knowing it wouldn't be, I started my personal printer going. It's not a double sided printer, so every programme had to be printed twice (once on each side). Instead of taking 6 minutes to print, it was now taking 12!
Mum (again) came in to help (after saving the raffle), and her local church offered to help us out. They kindly printed 120 (ish) programmes on their colour copier. It was gutting - where it would take my printers 6 and 12 minutes to print a programme, their copier could do one in just 10 seconds!
Regardless, I soldiered on, until the NTC printer was out of ink. Then my printer ran out of black (no worries), so I reloaded it. It was a faulty cartridge, which I then spent half an hour replacing. I got home, started printing again, and decided I should have lunch (it was 2pm afterall). To sum up the day, we were out of white bread, and I had to have thin sliced brown bread. Nuts.
I also went to pick up my uniform from the dry cleaners, as agreed. They hadn't finished it. The lady assured me it would be ready by first thing Saturday morning. Oh, Friday was going so well.
My printer valiantly continued on. Leaving my printer to run more, I went to NTC, with as many programmes as I had, and got the cadets to collate, fold, and staple them. I left early, to commence 'Operation Barricade'. On the way through, I checked my printer. Had it finished printing? No, it had just run out of paper. I reloaded, and carried on to Littlehampton.
Staurt brought me home, after we declared 'Operation Barricade' a success. I printed the other side of the programmes just printed, and also wrote some letters to go with the raffle vouchers, and made up some tags for the donated prizes. I aslo had recieved some angry messages from people with incorrect parking permits, or missing ones. I printed those of too. With 206 programmes printed (I have no idea how), I finally stumbled into bed at 2.30am.
Saturday (1 day to go)
And so the weekend began. I was up at 8.45am, ready for Graham (the boss, and my friend) from TS Sturdy to arrive at 9.30am. He hadn't arrived by 9.15 (and he is usually very early), and I was beginning to worry. It's okay though, because he knocked on the door at 9.20...
Dry cleaning still not ready - Dad had to collect for me.
We had agreed ages ago that we would hire a van, which I would drive, and Graham would ride shotgun. We headed for Lancing. We would have picked up stuff from Intrepid's garages, but my keys were in Ernie, in Littlehampton. We still picked up chairs and tables from the Lions hall, where Paul (my first lieutenant and friend - who has an upside-down head) met us. Together we piled into the big transit of fun, and headed for Southwick, the National Headquarters is.
Unfortunatley, even the traffic was against us. Gridlock. The usual 10 minute journey took over 40. We actually phoned the guy meeting us at NHQ to let us in, and asked him if he could move Southwick closer, because it would be easier than us getting to him. We did eventually arrive, and I backed the long wheel base Transit down the tightest road in the world. On one side is Shoreham Harbour (yes, where I nearly parked my car in the drink last year) with many cars parked along the bank. On the other side are lots of overhanging low balconies that could take out the roof. I didn;t hot a single thing.
The rest of the day consisted getting everything sorted out in Littlehampton, and returning to Lancing and home for stuff (more than once to home). I borrowed Mum and Dad's 'pop-up' gazeebo for my stall. I knew that it had the odd broken pole here and there, but Mum and Dad insisted that I would never get the thing up. I couldn't work out what they were so worried about. I took the gaffer (duct) tape, expecting to joing the odd snapped pole back together.
I opened the bag to find that Dad had completely unbolted the frame. I reconstructed the frame, to find that half of the poles were missing. Determined not to be beaten, I reconstructed one side out of spare poles, and gaffer taped more poles together to form a roof support. The legs had to be held on place by metal stakes hammered 1ft in the ground. Through the power of gaffer tape, the stall, missing half of it's poles, stayed up the entire weekend.
I had also agreed to be security overnight. Some of Implacable's cadets' parents joined Brian Turner (an NHQ officer, and Graham's Dad), and Tyler and John (the miracle workers of TS Intrepid) joined me for a fun evening. I went out and got Chinese, as well as all of the kit I needed for sleeping. In my haste in the van, I took one roundabout a bit too quickly.
Not illegally quick, but apparently faster than I should have because, as I went round, something didn't feel quite right. It was at that point I realised I had put the long-wheelbase Transit into a skid. As best I could, I corrected the skid, and I ended up back on the straight and narrow, and on the dual carriageway. I must have gone as white as a sheet. That was easily the most scared I have been in a vehicle (and I have been a passenger in Holly's car several times...). However, it is possibly also the coolest thing ever - I can now say that I have (albeit unintentionally) power slided a long-wheelbase Ford Transit round a roundabout.
The security eveny went quietly. I went to bed on a camp bed in the back of 'my Transit'. I must have been tired, becuase I rolled over in the pitch black on thge van (no windows)...
Sunday (the day had arrived)
...and when I rolled back over, I couldn't wprk out what the light on the ceiling was. It was a hole in the roof, and it was daylight! 6.30am, and Tyler came up to the door, and told me it was time to get up. Oh joy...
I needed a wee, but I decided I would just get 'this done' first... and that's how my morning went. I kept doing various different jobs, and people kept needing me for stuff. It wasn't until everyone had arrived, I had set mum up with the stall, and TS Intrepid were ready to march on that I finally found some time. Many people had come up to my 'information' stall, and asked for parking permits. I think by about the fifth request (and after much sleep deprivation) I was starting to get 'ratty' with people accusing me of incompetence, and not having passes, that I nearly shouted at one, and told them that they should have requested it two weeks ago!
Anyways, I wasn't the only person who had a busy morning. Stuart had woken up, and also decided to 'just get that done' before using the loo. Oddly, we both met at the public loos at the same time and compared mornings (no, we didn't compare anything else in the gents - you're all sick minded). With the ships forming up, ready to march on, Stu and I took our places with our ships.
I have to say that I thought the day went really well. Stuart had done a fantastic job. The day didn't go exactly how I planned. I had hoped to be on a stall to answer people's questions, and spend about 30mins with Intrepid's band marching along the prom. Nice and relaxed. Wrong. I didn't set down for more than 30mins in the entire day (except for driving). There also wasn't a single band engagement that I didn't end up running accross a field for.
The best one was at the end of the day. I helped Stuart do the raffle draw, and we were just finishing, when someone announced that the region would now march on for Sunset. I ran accross the parade field, picked up my baritone, and ran to the back of the field to fall-in. I was sorting my music, when the drum major brought the band to the ready. Hang on, I'm not ready... Then I was. I brought my baritone up to my face, and saw the mouth piece was missing. So I ran back behind the stalls, to my stall where my mouthpiece was, and then sprinted back to the band. Then we marched on.
Once the parade was over (and I think we all looked and sounded great - including our last minute ageement to brass enseble Sunset), I relaxed. The day was over, and we could all go home. No we couldn't, we still had to take everything down. I changed out of uniform, and then panicked when i found the van keys missing. Sam (one of my senior cadets) found them in the bed of the van.
Thankfully, a friend of mine, Natalie, from Zealous had agreed to help me in the van. We were off of the field by 6.30pm (which suprised Brian Turner, who has done alot of these, and was convinced that we would eb there until 8). Nat and I first went to McDonalds, as we were both hungry, and I needed to recharge before driving. We dropped some stuff off at home, then to Lancing, and finally to NHQ. I dropped Nat off at her house in Hanover about 9.30pm (incidentally, she lives on a stupidly narrow road, and getting the Transit down there was less than fun).
I dropped the van off at 10.15, and Dad took me to Littlehampton to collect Ernie. I eventually sumbled through the door (after the Police had stopped me on suspicion of drunk driving - no seriously) at 11pm. I laughed at the accusing Police officer, explained my day, and he smiled. 'So you're just knackered then sir?' I think he summed it up.
Well Mark - maybe I'll be more bored this week...
Sunday, June 14, 2009
If you think you're getting a post tonight...
...you're very much mistaken! I have slept about 8 hours in the last 48, and since 6.30 this morning, I have sat down for a combined period of 30 mins (ish) - other than driving.
I'm going to bed.
I'm going to bed.
Sunday, June 07, 2009
It's been emotional...
I chose to quote one of my university friends for this week's blog title, because it is so apt. As I shook hands with Tom and Batman for the last time in our university career, those are the words Tom chose...
First off, this was my very last week of University. Our final hand-in (of our frankly epic videography project) was 12 noon on Friday, marking the end of my time at the University of Chichester. The easiest thing to do would have been to complete the movie, write the assignment, and burn the DVD on Thursday, so that all I had to do was hand the stuff in on Friday. But you know me boys and girls - why make it easy.
At 1150, the DVD was still burning in the drive, and at 1155, we were still printing parts of our production folder. The University is very strict about deadlines - they actually close and lock the door at 12 noon - late work doesn't get marked! So with minutes to go, my videography group put everything together, abandoned our stuff in the media suite, and ran accross the width of the campus, from the Library to to PE Office. Knowing that they might try and lock the door before we arrived, I chose to wear my 70s cop leather jacket, so that I could heroically bust the door open, shout 'Police!', and look almost believable.
The two lovely ladies in my group were obviosly quite concerned, as we entered the building, and started leaping up the 4 flights of stairs. I wasn't worried at all. Slightly out of breath, we threw the stuff into the hand-in box with at least 30 seconds to spare! It was in fact so tight, that they locked the door whilst we were in there!
Funny really, in the four years that I have studied Adventure Education, I have never seriouslu run to meet a deadline - it took me until my 21st, and final hand-in to need to run for the deadline...
With the excitement of meeting the deadline over, the few of us left finally parted ways, and it only then did reality dawn on me. As I strolled accross the field back to 'The Stoke' where Ernie was parked, I realised that this was the end of what was probably the best four years of my life that I would ever have. And what's more, I would never see 26 of the greatest friends I'd ever had so regularly again.
Think about all of the memories, many of them shared with you on this blog. The fantastic residential visits, the weekends away, the courses, and even the lectures. All of it was over. I looked back at the campus reminiscing, and though how daft it all was. I'm going back in on Monday to get some other stuff done. I know that it will feel somehow different.
With my life already at an empass, this weekend has also been an emotional one on the NTC front. I know alot of it is centimentality from Uni, but my cadets almost brought to the point of tears with pride this weekend. And it's very rare that I can say that. Ironically, it was roughly four years ago, that TS Intrepid faced closure due to lack of cadets. I have worked exceptionally hard to ensure that that doesn't happen. My grand parents were involved with NTC, my parents were NTC, and now I'm with the ship. I'll be damned if I'd let Intrepid sink on my watch.
Well, on Sunday, we lead Lancing Carnival procession, our home town's procession. We've done it before, but we have always had the support of TS Sturdy and Implacable. This year, we lead it on our own. I've neen nervous about it for months . Were we ready? Would the cadets turn up? Would the weather be okay?
Well, not only did we lead the parade, but we lead it brilliantly! We had a band of 20, playing as well as I have ever heard them. We had a group of cadets follwoing, carrying a big TS Intrepid banner, and towing our field gun. On top of that, we had a group of about 20 plus parents waling alongside us, all wearing TS Intrepid high-vis jackets. As we marched down Lancing high street, it dawned on me what we had achieved, and what TS Intrepid had become once again.
There were a few cadets and officers missing - but it is most definitely their loss. I think that we managed to look incredible, and we were a fantastic advertisement for possibilities and hard work. Obviously I haven't been the only one working to save Intrepid, but I definitely feel that I have worked exceptionally hard to get us where we were today. Fantastic.
So, as I said, it's been emotional. And with this emotional post, comes a shock announcement. The end of CATCOUK is near. I had originally planned to stop writing my blog when I finished Uni, but this somehow doesn't quite seem like the end of the story. So I shall continue to write posts, until I receive the results of my University degree. After that, I shall probably write the occasional post for when major things happen: new jobs, new cars (although Ernie will live forever), new relationships (don't hold your breath for that one). I would also write a post if I die, but I hear that they haven't installed broadband in the afterlife yet...
But don't fret, if you really want something to read, there are many posts from the last 3 and a bit years, that will here for as long at Blogger keeps them up. And I'll still be posting for the next couple of weeks as well. Take care, and see y'all next week.
PS - Check out our amazing videography project (with bonus DVD Extras as well). Just go to www.youtube.com/catcouk to see the YouTube home of CAT-TDY Productions. The lastest film is the most expensive ever produced, with a budget of over £25.18! Check it out now! [Also available from all crap DVD stores...]
First off, this was my very last week of University. Our final hand-in (of our frankly epic videography project) was 12 noon on Friday, marking the end of my time at the University of Chichester. The easiest thing to do would have been to complete the movie, write the assignment, and burn the DVD on Thursday, so that all I had to do was hand the stuff in on Friday. But you know me boys and girls - why make it easy.
At 1150, the DVD was still burning in the drive, and at 1155, we were still printing parts of our production folder. The University is very strict about deadlines - they actually close and lock the door at 12 noon - late work doesn't get marked! So with minutes to go, my videography group put everything together, abandoned our stuff in the media suite, and ran accross the width of the campus, from the Library to to PE Office. Knowing that they might try and lock the door before we arrived, I chose to wear my 70s cop leather jacket, so that I could heroically bust the door open, shout 'Police!', and look almost believable.
The two lovely ladies in my group were obviosly quite concerned, as we entered the building, and started leaping up the 4 flights of stairs. I wasn't worried at all. Slightly out of breath, we threw the stuff into the hand-in box with at least 30 seconds to spare! It was in fact so tight, that they locked the door whilst we were in there!
Funny really, in the four years that I have studied Adventure Education, I have never seriouslu run to meet a deadline - it took me until my 21st, and final hand-in to need to run for the deadline...
With the excitement of meeting the deadline over, the few of us left finally parted ways, and it only then did reality dawn on me. As I strolled accross the field back to 'The Stoke' where Ernie was parked, I realised that this was the end of what was probably the best four years of my life that I would ever have. And what's more, I would never see 26 of the greatest friends I'd ever had so regularly again.
Think about all of the memories, many of them shared with you on this blog. The fantastic residential visits, the weekends away, the courses, and even the lectures. All of it was over. I looked back at the campus reminiscing, and though how daft it all was. I'm going back in on Monday to get some other stuff done. I know that it will feel somehow different.
With my life already at an empass, this weekend has also been an emotional one on the NTC front. I know alot of it is centimentality from Uni, but my cadets almost brought to the point of tears with pride this weekend. And it's very rare that I can say that. Ironically, it was roughly four years ago, that TS Intrepid faced closure due to lack of cadets. I have worked exceptionally hard to ensure that that doesn't happen. My grand parents were involved with NTC, my parents were NTC, and now I'm with the ship. I'll be damned if I'd let Intrepid sink on my watch.
Well, on Sunday, we lead Lancing Carnival procession, our home town's procession. We've done it before, but we have always had the support of TS Sturdy and Implacable. This year, we lead it on our own. I've neen nervous about it for months . Were we ready? Would the cadets turn up? Would the weather be okay?
Well, not only did we lead the parade, but we lead it brilliantly! We had a band of 20, playing as well as I have ever heard them. We had a group of cadets follwoing, carrying a big TS Intrepid banner, and towing our field gun. On top of that, we had a group of about 20 plus parents waling alongside us, all wearing TS Intrepid high-vis jackets. As we marched down Lancing high street, it dawned on me what we had achieved, and what TS Intrepid had become once again.
There were a few cadets and officers missing - but it is most definitely their loss. I think that we managed to look incredible, and we were a fantastic advertisement for possibilities and hard work. Obviously I haven't been the only one working to save Intrepid, but I definitely feel that I have worked exceptionally hard to get us where we were today. Fantastic.
So, as I said, it's been emotional. And with this emotional post, comes a shock announcement. The end of CATCOUK is near. I had originally planned to stop writing my blog when I finished Uni, but this somehow doesn't quite seem like the end of the story. So I shall continue to write posts, until I receive the results of my University degree. After that, I shall probably write the occasional post for when major things happen: new jobs, new cars (although Ernie will live forever), new relationships (don't hold your breath for that one). I would also write a post if I die, but I hear that they haven't installed broadband in the afterlife yet...
But don't fret, if you really want something to read, there are many posts from the last 3 and a bit years, that will here for as long at Blogger keeps them up. And I'll still be posting for the next couple of weeks as well. Take care, and see y'all next week.
PS - Check out our amazing videography project (with bonus DVD Extras as well). Just go to www.youtube.com/catcouk to see the YouTube home of CAT-TDY Productions. The lastest film is the most expensive ever produced, with a budget of over £25.18! Check it out now! [Also available from all crap DVD stores...]
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
CATCOUK Extra!
Hello all - just a quick little extra. Thank you to those of you that had a quick scan over our University videography project preview. That has now been taklen off of YouTube, in preparation for Friday's release. In the meantime, if you didn't get to see the preview, you can watch the theatrical trailer to whet your appetite.
Having seen the finished film (and to give me a critics review for the DVD cover), I am going to award 'Coastal Sport' 4 Escorts out of 5. Beautiful shots, great soundtrack, but a little weak in the story department. But that's pretty much par for the course for a film from CAT-TDY Productions...
Sunday, May 31, 2009
That's a scary thought...
I'd like to start off by saying that I have completely recovered from camp last week - but I can't lie. I'm still knackerd. On the plus side, our videography project has come together nicely. There is a preview version available on YouTube, but please don't watch it unless you want to give us some critical feedback. The final cut will be available next week...
On the subject of videography, I have had immense fun this week with it. The whole experience has been a relaxed one, and a real enjoyable experience. But this week, I had to start seriously putting a soundtrack to the video. The soundtrack woudl have to be pretty damn good too, because the story of the film is so flimsy, a wet paperbag looks strong by comparison! But thankfully, Kat did find an amazing piece of dramatic orchestral music to use. And even better than that, the music was available in several different versions. I could bring in the percussion track to add more power when it was needed. Ahh, a true masterpiece if I do say so myself.
Look out for that next week.
As you may have noticed (if you live near me), the weather this weekend has been amazing! And for once, I have used that weather properly. Yesterday evening, I joined one of my friends in Brighton for an evening BBQ, to celebrate some new housemates that she has. It was a good little evening, but spoilt somewhat by one of her previous housemates. Due to some 'personal issues', she decided to take a dislike to me (by saying personal issues I am being diplomatic, and not stating the real reasons for her apparent psychosis). Shame that it ended that way, because it had been a great evening up to that point. After the BBQ qas dealt with, I felt it best to make a tactful departure.
Today (Sunday) I joined my friend Graham, and his wonderful NTC cadets from TS Sturdy, and we went on a little hiking trip, as part of their Duke of Edinburgh's Award training. I haven't done any proper D of E work for years, and it was great to get back into that saddle. Really good bunch of cadets too, that showed alot of promise. Regardless, it was a beautiful way to spend the day, in the glorious weather. Good walk, good scenery, good friends. What more could you want?
Only a short post this week, because I feel that you should stop reading, and go out and enjoy the weather. That comment doesn't work if you are either:
A - reading this late in the week (which is your fault), and the weather has turned, or
B - somewhere else other than beautiful Sussex (which is still your fault).
To end, I would like to refer to the title of this week's post. Mum went on holiday to Tenerife on Friday (yes, leaving the Clarke men to fend for themselves). As she was leaving, I wished her a happy holiday, and jokingly said: 'The next time you see me [next Saturday], I won't be a student anymore... just unemployed [said with a confused look]'. Until I said that, the reality of my situation hadn't really hit home. I should probably go out and find a job, huh?
Quote of the week: 'What do you think you were doing?' the old geezer asked me, as he got out og his car, after bumping into the back og Holly's car. The reason this is the quote, is because I had to reply 'Firstly sir, I was the passenger, and secondly, you hit us!' Silly old fart. Still his car had many scratches, and Holly's car had none - all good then (and yes, he was at fault).
On the subject of videography, I have had immense fun this week with it. The whole experience has been a relaxed one, and a real enjoyable experience. But this week, I had to start seriously putting a soundtrack to the video. The soundtrack woudl have to be pretty damn good too, because the story of the film is so flimsy, a wet paperbag looks strong by comparison! But thankfully, Kat did find an amazing piece of dramatic orchestral music to use. And even better than that, the music was available in several different versions. I could bring in the percussion track to add more power when it was needed. Ahh, a true masterpiece if I do say so myself.
Look out for that next week.
As you may have noticed (if you live near me), the weather this weekend has been amazing! And for once, I have used that weather properly. Yesterday evening, I joined one of my friends in Brighton for an evening BBQ, to celebrate some new housemates that she has. It was a good little evening, but spoilt somewhat by one of her previous housemates. Due to some 'personal issues', she decided to take a dislike to me (by saying personal issues I am being diplomatic, and not stating the real reasons for her apparent psychosis). Shame that it ended that way, because it had been a great evening up to that point. After the BBQ qas dealt with, I felt it best to make a tactful departure.
Today (Sunday) I joined my friend Graham, and his wonderful NTC cadets from TS Sturdy, and we went on a little hiking trip, as part of their Duke of Edinburgh's Award training. I haven't done any proper D of E work for years, and it was great to get back into that saddle. Really good bunch of cadets too, that showed alot of promise. Regardless, it was a beautiful way to spend the day, in the glorious weather. Good walk, good scenery, good friends. What more could you want?
Only a short post this week, because I feel that you should stop reading, and go out and enjoy the weather. That comment doesn't work if you are either:
A - reading this late in the week (which is your fault), and the weather has turned, or
B - somewhere else other than beautiful Sussex (which is still your fault).
To end, I would like to refer to the title of this week's post. Mum went on holiday to Tenerife on Friday (yes, leaving the Clarke men to fend for themselves). As she was leaving, I wished her a happy holiday, and jokingly said: 'The next time you see me [next Saturday], I won't be a student anymore... just unemployed [said with a confused look]'. Until I said that, the reality of my situation hadn't really hit home. I should probably go out and find a job, huh?
Quote of the week: 'What do you think you were doing?' the old geezer asked me, as he got out og his car, after bumping into the back og Holly's car. The reason this is the quote, is because I had to reply 'Firstly sir, I was the passenger, and secondly, you hit us!' Silly old fart. Still his car had many scratches, and Holly's car had none - all good then (and yes, he was at fault).
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
A very tiring week...
Okay, so all of the serious work has been done at Uni now, and you'd think that I'd get a restful week out of it. Nah. NTC stepped in to fill the void, and so I had yet more late nights. I also had some restless nights worrying about camp, and the last-minure approach that I had been forced to take (it's worth mentioning that the camp went off without a hitch, and I needn't have worried - thanks to Graham and his staff from TS Sturdy).
All week, I have been furiously editing a video for my last module at University. In honesty, we don't have the right footage. We've got lots of great photoage, but producing an actual story is going to take a work of such genious, that the editor is probably going to be getting job offers to work with Steven Spielberg. Fortunately, I enjoy this, and it has been a real pleasure going to Uni this week.
On Friday morning, we had to show the rest of our module class our videos. They were all really good, but I was naturally very proud of our video. I am especially pleased with the intoduction. It starts with a really cinematic sequence of climbing, finishing with a dramatic zoom-out from a sea cliff. At the moment we using Michael Giacchino's new soundtrack intro to Star Trek, which sounds amazing, but we need to find a license free alternative (which is gutting us). But that is frankly academic, because the part of the video that everyone will be talking about is after the opening titles - the driving sequence. With a very funky 70s-esk theme, Ernie drives past the camera, and we see Ernie pull up in the car park. Fantastic. (This will be available on YouTube as soon as it's finished - if that ever happens)
Friday night, before camp Saturday morning, we held our AGM and an awards night in one evening at TS Intrepid. The awards night usually lasts an hour, and the AGM can last an hour also. With that in mind, when the boss (Brian) said we's be finished by 9, you'd think we'd start a little early. No, 7.30. But despite this, somehow it was pulled off, and nothing seemed rushed - more through luck than judgement? Incidentally, this also meant that our usual Friday to Monday bank holiday was crashed, and we had to start on Saturday morning...
Anyways, we had to pack for camp, and I am not allowed to tow the NTC box trailer, due to our country's ridiculous and expensive licensing system. Dad stepped in, and off we went to the lockup. It was pitch black, and we didn't pack the trailer very well. It soon filled up, and so did Ernie. Lots of stuff was left in the garage, and I would have to pick up my trailer, and finish off on Saturday morning. In frustration, I shut my boot heavily, and just as it was closing, a bottle of ketchup rolled in the way.
You know what happenned, and you don't need to read that the ketchup exploded - all over Ernie's boot carpet. I never have thge carpet in - but this evening, when ketchup exploded everywhere, I did. Worse still, I lifted the tailgate to inspect the damage, not realising that a large ammount of ketchup had landed on the bottom of the tailgate. Sure enough, with the tailgate raised above my head, the ketchup dripped down, into my hair, and all over my white NTC shirt. Nuts. Oddly, driving back home, I can only assume West Sussex smelt of Ketchup, because that's all I could smell in my car - even with the window down!
Camp was generally a success, and many a funny tale is to be told. However, what happens on camp - stays on camp! But there is one thing I have to mention. Monday morning, I got out of my tent, and looked up at the sky. With a sigh, I said to myself 'We're not going to get away with this...' Rain was impending, and I really didn't want to dry a million tents. Bearing in mind that I had just woken up (along with many of the cadets), I shouted 'Right kids, pack your kit, take it to the minibus, and then get the tents down.' Did it work? Did it bugger. Dad and I were hanging wet tents for nearly an hour in the lockup. (Fortunately we had left the big tents up, and they were mostly dry when we took them down after the sun came out)
Anyways, whilst we were all huddling in our fantastic HQ tent, Graham texted on of his officers in Chichester for a weather report. Chichester would get the same weather as our camp, but about 20-30 minutes earlier. Spud apparently has taken meteorology at school, so we could expect a pretty good report. This is what we got: 'Well, I can't hear rain against my window, so it's probably stopped. But it could just be raining lightly'. Brilliant. Thanks for that. Couldn't even be bothered to get out of bed...
That's it from me. Despite having nearly 11 hours of sleep last night, I'm still knackered, and need to crash into bed. Goodnight!
All week, I have been furiously editing a video for my last module at University. In honesty, we don't have the right footage. We've got lots of great photoage, but producing an actual story is going to take a work of such genious, that the editor is probably going to be getting job offers to work with Steven Spielberg. Fortunately, I enjoy this, and it has been a real pleasure going to Uni this week.
On Friday morning, we had to show the rest of our module class our videos. They were all really good, but I was naturally very proud of our video. I am especially pleased with the intoduction. It starts with a really cinematic sequence of climbing, finishing with a dramatic zoom-out from a sea cliff. At the moment we using Michael Giacchino's new soundtrack intro to Star Trek, which sounds amazing, but we need to find a license free alternative (which is gutting us). But that is frankly academic, because the part of the video that everyone will be talking about is after the opening titles - the driving sequence. With a very funky 70s-esk theme, Ernie drives past the camera, and we see Ernie pull up in the car park. Fantastic. (This will be available on YouTube as soon as it's finished - if that ever happens)
Friday night, before camp Saturday morning, we held our AGM and an awards night in one evening at TS Intrepid. The awards night usually lasts an hour, and the AGM can last an hour also. With that in mind, when the boss (Brian) said we's be finished by 9, you'd think we'd start a little early. No, 7.30. But despite this, somehow it was pulled off, and nothing seemed rushed - more through luck than judgement? Incidentally, this also meant that our usual Friday to Monday bank holiday was crashed, and we had to start on Saturday morning...
Anyways, we had to pack for camp, and I am not allowed to tow the NTC box trailer, due to our country's ridiculous and expensive licensing system. Dad stepped in, and off we went to the lockup. It was pitch black, and we didn't pack the trailer very well. It soon filled up, and so did Ernie. Lots of stuff was left in the garage, and I would have to pick up my trailer, and finish off on Saturday morning. In frustration, I shut my boot heavily, and just as it was closing, a bottle of ketchup rolled in the way.
You know what happenned, and you don't need to read that the ketchup exploded - all over Ernie's boot carpet. I never have thge carpet in - but this evening, when ketchup exploded everywhere, I did. Worse still, I lifted the tailgate to inspect the damage, not realising that a large ammount of ketchup had landed on the bottom of the tailgate. Sure enough, with the tailgate raised above my head, the ketchup dripped down, into my hair, and all over my white NTC shirt. Nuts. Oddly, driving back home, I can only assume West Sussex smelt of Ketchup, because that's all I could smell in my car - even with the window down!
Camp was generally a success, and many a funny tale is to be told. However, what happens on camp - stays on camp! But there is one thing I have to mention. Monday morning, I got out of my tent, and looked up at the sky. With a sigh, I said to myself 'We're not going to get away with this...' Rain was impending, and I really didn't want to dry a million tents. Bearing in mind that I had just woken up (along with many of the cadets), I shouted 'Right kids, pack your kit, take it to the minibus, and then get the tents down.' Did it work? Did it bugger. Dad and I were hanging wet tents for nearly an hour in the lockup. (Fortunately we had left the big tents up, and they were mostly dry when we took them down after the sun came out)
Anyways, whilst we were all huddling in our fantastic HQ tent, Graham texted on of his officers in Chichester for a weather report. Chichester would get the same weather as our camp, but about 20-30 minutes earlier. Spud apparently has taken meteorology at school, so we could expect a pretty good report. This is what we got: 'Well, I can't hear rain against my window, so it's probably stopped. But it could just be raining lightly'. Brilliant. Thanks for that. Couldn't even be bothered to get out of bed...
That's it from me. Despite having nearly 11 hours of sleep last night, I'm still knackered, and need to crash into bed. Goodnight!
Monday, May 25, 2009
No chance
Sorry, but despite my best intentions, I am just too nackered to write. I have spent all week having sleepless nights worrying about camp (worried whether it had been completely organised) - and then I was up 'til 2 sorting out some ill children. So, I need to have some sleepy time now, but if you're all good boys and girls, I may write something up tomorrow.
Just to whet your appetitite, here's what you can look forward to: the ketchup explosion, videography, and camp news (ooh, I say - no not that kind of camp).
Goodnight.
Just to whet your appetitite, here's what you can look forward to: the ketchup explosion, videography, and camp news (ooh, I say - no not that kind of camp).
Goodnight.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Three posts in a row
Something is definitely wrong. This is the third post that has been written, on time, in a row. This cannot be good news...
It's alright though, I haven't got much to say this time. Firstly, despite the fact that he clearly has a very severe engine issue that my friend Michael and I have been unable to fathom, Ernie continues to march on steadfastly. No matter what the job, my amazing nearly 23 year old car does whatever is asked of him. No matter the distance, no matter the destination, no matter the reason - Ernie is the unstopable force.
Having said that, Ernie did have a little hiccup this week. Running slightly late, Ernie once again fired up into action, and got me to University in cracking time through traffic. On the way, I have to join a road at a staggered junction. Just as I was pulling out (after admittedly using slightly too much right foot) Ernie decided that, nah, he's not playing any more. The engine cut out, and I hadn't enough speed to complete the tunr onto the road. So there I was, sat in the middle of the road, with an engine that won't start, looking at two streams of traffic barreling down on me. I couldn't help but think 'Oh dear, this is somewhat unfortunate and inconvenient...'.
With no luck after several attempts, I decided the only way to stop completely blocking the road, was to give Ernie a hand, and for the very first time since I have taken ownership of my amazing car, push him. Fortunately, Ernie is nothing if he isn't light, and despite being the world's most capabel estate car, I can easily steer him, whilst having the driver's doop open, and push. We were quickly in the opposite side road.
A very nice man jumped out of his car, and ran over to give us a hand. Whilst he pushed from the boot, he asked 'Out of petrol, is it?'. To which I replied, with a sigh 'No, just old...'. Anyways, I sat back in my car, waited a few seconds (as I was convinced the engine was just flooded), and then Ernie roared back into life again. I really must get some money together to get the engine sorted.
Second important news of the week, is my eagerly awaited review of a new film: Star Trek. I know that CATCOUK has become very popular over the years, and my reviews have become very important within the industry (I'm not sure which industry, but probably something like flying pig breeders). Anyways, I understand J J Abrams himself has been waiting on the edge of his seat (not) to read this. He really does (not) want to know how many Escorts out 5 his new interpretation of this old classic will be awarded. So here we go.
As many of you will know, I am a definite trekkie. I am not ashamed to say that I think my life has been effected for the better by the high ideals and concepts presented by Star Trek, and for me, Captain Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and Scotty are the crew for me. I will admit that I was initially skeptical of the concept of yet another prequal (has no one got an orginal story to tell anymore), but I was very welcome to accept a new adventure with my favourite crew.
I am pleased to say that I was not disappointed. And on so many levels. J J Abrams is a genious, and the writers have achieved a modern day masterpiece. They have developed a story that is very exciting, simple, and full of action - just want 'normal people' want to watch. But more than that, they have managed to weave in a blend of inside jokes, nods, and comments that give us trekkies like me to appreciate. But better than that, if you're willing to read between the lines, it is very acceptable story, that could be cannon (trekkies, look up Star Trek countdown).
There are definite flaws - what the heck is 'red matter'? Star Trek has never given us such a vague concept before. The main plot of the story revolves around black holes, but black holes just don't do what they said in the film. The term 'quantum singularity' would probably have solved this plot flaw, but we all know that non-trek fans would have been confused. Fair play. But don't fear too much, just like Trek of old, the bad-guy isn't very well explained, and the character is a little flat (although brilliantly portrayed).
Zachary Quinto plays an amazing Spock - very well done sir. And he really does look like a young Leonard Nimoy. Simon Pegg did not dissappoint with Scotty, although he joined a little late (the biggest cheer from the audience I was with was when Mr. Scott said 'I'm giving it all she's got captain!'). And for me, a special congratulations to Karl Urban, who has got the spirit of Bones McCoy down to a tee. I have nothing against Chris Pine, but I don't think this story was about Kirk. And that is a huge departure from older Star Trek. I think it would be difficult for anyone to play Captain Kirk, so I'm not going to criticise him. I think we'll see better when he's allowed to sit in the captain's chair in the already ordered sequal.
Ultimately, this is an amazing film that is worth seeing whether you have been a fan of the previous Star Trek films or not. There is something for everyone, action, adventure, and humour (something never achieved convincingly by Trek before). Trek fans, go and see it. Expect to see a new adventure with the characters you remember and love, but don't expect a Trek-worthy plot with many complications.
From my enthusiasm, I'm sure you know where this is going. 4 Escorts out of 5, and a Starship Enterprise. I would love to give a fifth Escort, but fear that there are just a few too many flaws for that maximum rating (but I did give it a starship Enterprise as well). J J Abrams has done a wonderful job, and this is a film to satisfy all. I'm really looking forward to the next one.
Wow, that was the most comprehensive review ever!
Lastly, I was invited to a quix night tonight with TS Sturdy in Chichester. I love quizzes, because I like to have my brain stretched, and feel accomplishment. It's not about the winning, it definitely is about the taking part. But when Graham invited me, I didn't know that he had got the questions from MENSA! Well, maybe not MENSA, but it was definitely the hardest quiz I have even attended. Let me put it this way - the easist questions were the brain teaser questions near the end (I answered all but 1 of them, and 1 I only solved after someone made a comment).
I had the opportunity to join any team really. There was one team of only cadets, but I don't like to diminish cadet's achievements. If I'd known that the questions were going to be this hard, I would have helped them out to give them a chance. Well, at least they won a consolation bag of sweets. I know that I am trying to recover from the massive strain Uni put me under, but I don't think my brain is that far gone!
Regardless of the impossible questions, it was a fun evening, so thanks very much Graham.
Well, you;ll be pleased to hear that I am now well on the way to recovery from Uni. My last serious essay was handed in Friday, just a video left. I coming out of my long spell of depression, and over-taxing, and I think I'm coming back better than ever. I'm nearly back up to speed with NTC (although there are still some messes that even I can't clear up - Intrepid officers, you know what I mean [cough] AGM), and all is well with the world. Just need to get a job now then.
Goodnight.
(the long awaited return of the...)
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: 'Oh, I thought it was only the 8th today' replied Hannah, after bursting into the room and asking what the date would be next weekend. Yeah, think about that.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
An exciting week!
Well boys and girls, where do I start? My life has taken a sudden U-turn, and I have many exciting things to bring up in this week's instalment of my life. No, I won't have to complain about all the hours spent behind a computer (well, not much anyway), because stuff has started to happen in my life again. Hold on tight, here we go...
First off, with my dissertation so nearly complete, I had been advised to go and see a tutor about my results section. My personal dissertation tutor wasn't 100% confident with his statistics, so he said it would be prudent to get Hodgo to browse over it. I had feared that he would find a problem with my results, and then I'd have to re-write the second half of my dissertation. Of course, my luck's never that bad, especially if I'm writing about it on my blog...
Yeah right. There was a alight problem (which did in fact make my results a little stronger), and so I spent all day Wednesday re-writing the latter half of my dissertation. Oh deep joy... Never mind though, because after 7 hours of hard work, it was done! I spent three hours at work in the evening (an hour of which was spent formatting my dissertation), and then went home for a nice sleep. More dissertation adventures to come later on!
My dissertation tutor had advised me to take a night off. Watch a film, or do something that wasn't working. Okay, so I go to NTC, but let's be honest, that is work (although it's definitely less annoying than writing a dissertation). It just so happens that I get a text message Tuesday morning from one of my NTC friends in Brighton. Natalie said that she had some free tickets to a show, and asked if I'd like to go with her, and some of her other friends and family. Well, it's a night out. Here is a photo of me, standing with some of the cast...
Of course I asked what the show was before I agreed to go and see it. At the time, I'd never heard of the show, and just thought that it was some comedy thing. After some research later in the day, I found out that the 'Lady Boys of Bangkok' wasn't the comedy show that I had assumed it was. And if you hadn't already guessed, yes, the people in the photo above are actually MEN. No, really, they've all got cocks.
I have to say that the show as very funny, and there was this one Thai bloke who was definitely a Thai Graham Norton. He played the least convincing lady boy. At several points in the show, male members of the audience were set upon by the performers, with one guy even being stripped of his shirt, and his nipple poked with an umbrella. I was lucky enough to be in the middle of the audience, and in no danger of being caught (incdentally, the man did get his shirt back, after the lady boy pulled it between their thighs, and bending over in front of him...).
There was one dance that disturbed me greatly though. Towards the end of one of the acts, the performers stripped to wearing only bikinis. Trying desperatly hard to remember that these were in fact men, I didn't know where to look. They looked like attractive women that should be watched, but they were men! Very troubling. If I wasn't sexually confused before, I sure am now...
In the intermission, Natalie dragged me up on stage to have my photo taken (the one above). Other members of the NTC were there, and proceeded to pass the image around like wildfire. Comments have been made like 'Which one is Andy Clarke - I think he's the one on the left', and 'Andy Clarke was thrown out after this photo for groping one of the Lady Boys'. Sigh. But the best comment award has to go to my colleague Roz, who, when shown the picture, disdainfully replied 'they're all men aren't they?' Everyone else had at least thought for a moment that they were women, so I asked her why ashe came to this conclusion so quickly. 'Well,' she replied, 'I knew you wouldn't be standing next to that many women that looked that hot.' Oh thanks for that.
Thursday turned out to be a long day. Far from the Pavillion Green in Brighton, and the many Lady Boys (I did wonder which toilet they'd use, as I visited the facilities after the show), Ernie took four university friends and I to Dorset for the day. We started filming for our 'Adventure Sports Videography' documentary, on Sport Climbing. I cannot tell you how good it was to be outside after months of sitting in front of a computer. We were in a coastal quarry near Swanage, right on the sea. The weather wasn't brilliant, but it was fantastic to get rid of the cobwebs. Very cleansing.
For one part of the filiming, it was necessary to record a clip of the climbers driving into the car park. For production reasons, it was necessary to use a stunt vehicle. And yes, you've guessed it, Ernie the Escort was that car. In one day, Ernie added two more jobs to his CV: OB (Outside Broadcast) truck, and stunt car. Because I thought it would be funny, I had Luke drive the car (because of the two climbers, he was the one without a driving license). It was a private gravel car park, so no laws were ebing broken.
Although he didn't have a license, I know that he had ridden motorcycles, and lots of other interesting vehicles. He sounded almost excited to be driving Ernie (and well, who wouldn't!), but didn't actually tell me that he had never driven a car before. He asked Phil (the other climber) which pedal did what! To his credit, he did alright. Except for the excessive revving to find the biting point of the clutch. I've never been so worrried and felt so powerless in my entire life...
To finish then, I shall complete the miserable story of my dissertation. Because I had been filming on Thursday, I asked my poorly mum to take my printed disertations (two copies) to the Bognor Campus to be bound (they had to be handed in 24 hours in advance). Mum did this without any hassle.
So, feeling almost relaxed, I awoke Friday morning to go and collect them, and hand them in to the Chichester officer, where the deadline was 12 noon. After a short period of worry (where the reprographics office couldn't find my work), I got back in the car at 11 - leaving me a whole hour to complete the 20-minute drive to Chichester in peace, and hand in the documents. I just started to pull one copy out of the envelope to have a look, when a dark thought dawned on me. I had to hand in a CD with a copy on as well, and I hadn't even burnt the CD, let alone brought it with me. Oh dear...
So, I had to race back home (which is twenty minutes in the wrong direction, ruch upstairs, and get the computer going. Fortunately, I had bought a new laptop in January, and Vista is very quick. Less than five minutes later, I was back behind the wheel of my glorious Mark IV Escort. We raced towards Chichester, as fast as the law would allow (honest officer!). After hitting a spot of traffic in Arundel, I arrived at the University, and rushed to the PE Office (I didn't actually run, that would have made me out of breath!). I bolted up the flights of stairs to the third floor, and appeared in the PE Office. I handed my work in with just 5 minutes to spare. Well, it would have been boring, and less blogging material to hand it in with plenty of time to spare (why do I do it to myself?).
And on that note, it is time for bed boys and girls. Feel free to comment, it makes me think that spending time writing this carp is worth while...
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
CATCOUK returns!
After a two-month break, CATCOUK is finally back! And shockingly, unlike every other show that ran out of material, this isn't some poorly remade prequal. No, no, this is the continuing story, with fresh and new material every week.
Okay, so first, a quick recap of what's been going on. The last two months of my life (and probably every other university student in their final year - definitely my friends and colleagues) has been absolute hell. The first three years of the Adventure Education degree at the University of Chichester were great, but this final year has been less interesting than being forced to read the complete works of William Shakespeare in one week. Honestly, only two modules have even remotely interested me.
Worse still, has been the 10 00 word dissertation hanging over my head. It's a massive project that has to conform to strict regulations, and must be devoid of any creativity. I guess I feel sorry for the tutors that have to read it (just drink lots of coffee first). Anyways, as a wise profit once asked, 'How do you eat an elephant? In small chunks.' Well I definitely took that approach, somedays struggling to bash out more than a paragraph. I would just sit at my computer, and find other distractions (Facebook, BBC iPlayer [which is awesome], and the Channel 4 catch-up service). Honestly, there were some days where I had sat at the computer for 6 hours, and not typed a single chuffin' word!
But worst of all, so preoccupied by the massive job ahead of me, I couldn't do anything else. I can't sleep, I have a dissertation to write. I can't write my blog, I have a dissertation to write. I can't do this, I have a dissertation to write. I can't do that, I have a dissertation to write. I can't take a dump, I have a dissertation to write. Fortunately, this did eventually leave me so full of crap, that I was able to complete my dissertation, and still have some left over to write this post.
So that has been my last few months. Of course it wasn't all doom and gloom. As well as dealing with intense feelings of depression and stress, there have been some highlights. If you are on the Face Book, you may well have seen some of those events. After many years, my best friend Michael and I went to see our radio hero - Terry Garoghan. Praise be to the bald! The show was awesome, and I can't wait for next year.
My best friend and I developed a new method of measuring torque in cars. We feel that the best measure of this is now 'how many horses can a car drag in a direction in which they do not wish to be dragged'. This soon-to-be global standard measurement of torque is abbreviated to HDDWTDWDs. We feel that this easy to use system will be adopted very soon. For example, Ernie's torque would be measured at: 5 HDDWTDWDs (5 horses dragged in a direction in which they did not wish to be dragged). That was mildly amusing. We may have been at the pub when we developed this.
Another high point was finally fitting some mud guards to Bernie the battleship (my homemade road trailer). They look awesome.
And that's about it for the positives. Wow, I really have had a dull life in the last few weeks. Probably best that I didn't write any blog posts..
Okay, so first, a quick recap of what's been going on. The last two months of my life (and probably every other university student in their final year - definitely my friends and colleagues) has been absolute hell. The first three years of the Adventure Education degree at the University of Chichester were great, but this final year has been less interesting than being forced to read the complete works of William Shakespeare in one week. Honestly, only two modules have even remotely interested me.
Worse still, has been the 10 00 word dissertation hanging over my head. It's a massive project that has to conform to strict regulations, and must be devoid of any creativity. I guess I feel sorry for the tutors that have to read it (just drink lots of coffee first). Anyways, as a wise profit once asked, 'How do you eat an elephant? In small chunks.' Well I definitely took that approach, somedays struggling to bash out more than a paragraph. I would just sit at my computer, and find other distractions (Facebook, BBC iPlayer [which is awesome], and the Channel 4 catch-up service). Honestly, there were some days where I had sat at the computer for 6 hours, and not typed a single chuffin' word!
But worst of all, so preoccupied by the massive job ahead of me, I couldn't do anything else. I can't sleep, I have a dissertation to write. I can't write my blog, I have a dissertation to write. I can't do this, I have a dissertation to write. I can't do that, I have a dissertation to write. I can't take a dump, I have a dissertation to write. Fortunately, this did eventually leave me so full of crap, that I was able to complete my dissertation, and still have some left over to write this post.
So that has been my last few months. Of course it wasn't all doom and gloom. As well as dealing with intense feelings of depression and stress, there have been some highlights. If you are on the Face Book, you may well have seen some of those events. After many years, my best friend Michael and I went to see our radio hero - Terry Garoghan. Praise be to the bald! The show was awesome, and I can't wait for next year.
My best friend and I developed a new method of measuring torque in cars. We feel that the best measure of this is now 'how many horses can a car drag in a direction in which they do not wish to be dragged'. This soon-to-be global standard measurement of torque is abbreviated to HDDWTDWDs. We feel that this easy to use system will be adopted very soon. For example, Ernie's torque would be measured at: 5 HDDWTDWDs (5 horses dragged in a direction in which they did not wish to be dragged). That was mildly amusing. We may have been at the pub when we developed this.
Another high point was finally fitting some mud guards to Bernie the battleship (my homemade road trailer). They look awesome.
And that's about it for the positives. Wow, I really have had a dull life in the last few weeks. Probably best that I didn't write any blog posts..
So, now we're back. All this week, I have furiously been promoting CATCOUK's relaunch. This was mainly through quoting this post on my FaceBook status. The first one was quoted from above, but all the rest are made up, for example:
-And that's when I knew he was gay. A bit too late in my opinion.
-And that's when I knew he was gay. A bit too late in my opinion.
-That could so easily have caused an explosion. That was one close call...
-like having my teeth pulled out by a man with hooks for his hands, that suffers from Parkinsons.
First things first - this post wouldn't be a post without a picture of my marivelous (if not increasingly tempermental) car - Ernie the Escort. So here's a picture of my 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate in champagne gold (or my youth group's mini-minibus) on our way to camp!
You'll notice that my long suffering car is full to the gunwhales with stuff for camp. So full in fact, that it spilled over into a trailer. So it was a good job that my homemade trailer (Bernie the Battleship) was there to help. I'm very proud of my trailer, especially now I have bolted mud-guards to it. So let's have another photo looking at that!
Camp was fantastic - we really do have a cracking bunch of cadets. Fun was had by all. Because I end up trying to do so much, I usually end up being a little late to meet the kids. But that wasn't going to happen this time. I had 45 minutes to spare. But I guess the God of NTC decided it wasn't to be (although I don't know how Mr. Ginnaw mannaged it...)
I left a roundabout, and joined a dual-carriageway, just in time to see a very unusual queue of traffic for as far as they eye could see. Oh bo**ocks. I wouldn;t make it in time to collect the cadets. Worse still, I had the only set of keys to get into the campsite. If I was stuck here for too long, we were all stuffed. In 40 minutes, we crawled 1/2 mile. At one point, I switched Ernie's engine off, and went for a stroll around the traffic, and talk to other irate drivers. Bless the police for closing the road. Incidentally, I think a car had knocked some kids over, so it was quite serious.
I left the accident scene with 10 minutes to travel the usual 20 minutes to meet the cadets. As I'm sure you can imagaine, by driving was somewhat... enthusiastic. I'll tell you, one Porche driver must have got an eye test afterwards, as he thinks he was over taken leaving a roundabout by a 1980's Escort towing a metal trailer (he was right). I did get there after 15 minutes. Not bad when you consider I was towing...
This week has seen further fiddling with the dissertation, but that's quite a dull subject. Although my tutor was very impressed. He said that in the six years he had done the job, it was probably one of the best. More than that though, he said that it might be worth getting it published. How cool is that?
My week has finished with a pleasant day at the Corps 'other' boating centre, Attentive, in Shoreham Harbour. I ran the sailing all day, wearing what can only be described as a very stylish hat. Alright, so I looked like a pillock as usual. But at least it was a good day, and fun was had by all.
Well, that's CATCOUK's massive return. Was it worth the wait, and all of the build-up on FaceBook? Nah, probably not. But you still read it though didn't you? So off you go, back to work, or to your dissertations and essays, and I shall stumble off to my DVD player to watch an episode or two of Thunderbirds. I lead a sad life, but it's the only life I've got.
And on that bombshell, I need to start thinking about something for next week's post. Same time, same place. CATCOUK, only available... on the internet!
PS - Don't forget to leave a comment so I feel wanted. And welcome to a new reader from the US, who must now think that all English guys are like me. There not, some of them are even weirder (like the people that actually read this).
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
We're not dead yet...
Evening boys and girls. Watch this space, and spread the word. Having almost complete the hell that was my 10 000 word dissertation for University, there will be a brand new CATCOUK post coming this weekend.
CATCOUK is back, and this time it's... oh nuts, I can't think of a decent slogan.
Just tune in on Monday morning, and tell all your friends. CATCOUK will return...
Next Monday morning, only (pause for TV announcer dramatic effect)... on the internet (and maybe your mobile phones, and game consoles with internet access).
CATCOUK is back, and this time it's... oh nuts, I can't think of a decent slogan.
Just tune in on Monday morning, and tell all your friends. CATCOUK will return...
Next Monday morning, only (pause for TV announcer dramatic effect)... on the internet (and maybe your mobile phones, and game consoles with internet access).
Monday, March 09, 2009
I think Ernie's engine has ADHD
Hello one and all. Long time no see. I know that I said I would put a pictire of my life drawing... drawings up, but I haven't taken a photo yet. Sorry. And just to clear the issue up - no, I wasn't the model. There is such a things a public health you know - no one wants to see me naked.
As you know, many events happen in my life. Many of those events get discarded away because they are very dull. Take today for example, Mum and I went looking around the local charity shops. We didn't really buy anything, we just like to have a nose at what people are throwing out. Anyways, some events happen that are really blog worthy - and you may have even read about some of them. On rare ocassions, there are things that happen that would make for great reading, and proove what a pathetic life I lead, whilst giving everyone a good laugh, but can't be written about for one reason or another.
This has happened once again. It would make for great reading. Unfortunatly, you'll just have to imagine what it is, because I am a decent gent, that knows when to be discreet. Sorry about that.
On the other hand, I am going to write something very rare - Ernie has yet another problem. I'm gutted - in the space of three months, Ernie's near spotless reliability record has been slashed. This current problem doesn't really count though, because he still works. My engine won't idle (take that to mean what you will) unless the choke is fully out (that's right - an old-school manual choke hath Ernie...). I have no idea what is going on. It's a little like the engine is getting bored - whenever I take my foot off the accelerator, the engine decides to sleep.
Whilst I was driving today, it occurred what is going on. Ernie's engine has developed ADHD. When it's not doing something, it get's bored and does something else. I seeked advice from my Spanish technical advisor (Mr. Haynes Manwell), but ADHD isn't a common problem in engines. If you have any ideas, put your answers on a postcard please.
On a final positive note though, I did discover that the winderful garage that is W. Jones and Sons of Bognor (a.k.a. the miracle workers) have kept stamping my service book. It's rare to find a car as old as Ernie with the original owner's manual, original stereo manual, and service book. But I have a complete sevice book! That's right, Ernie has a Full Service History (FSH). However, the book is nearly full now. I am thinking of writing to Ford, explaining that I have completed my service book. Could I know please have a new one?
My dad suggested that there might be a prize for completing the stamp book. I'm hoping that it's a Transit van!
Goodnight.
As you know, many events happen in my life. Many of those events get discarded away because they are very dull. Take today for example, Mum and I went looking around the local charity shops. We didn't really buy anything, we just like to have a nose at what people are throwing out. Anyways, some events happen that are really blog worthy - and you may have even read about some of them. On rare ocassions, there are things that happen that would make for great reading, and proove what a pathetic life I lead, whilst giving everyone a good laugh, but can't be written about for one reason or another.
This has happened once again. It would make for great reading. Unfortunatly, you'll just have to imagine what it is, because I am a decent gent, that knows when to be discreet. Sorry about that.
On the other hand, I am going to write something very rare - Ernie has yet another problem. I'm gutted - in the space of three months, Ernie's near spotless reliability record has been slashed. This current problem doesn't really count though, because he still works. My engine won't idle (take that to mean what you will) unless the choke is fully out (that's right - an old-school manual choke hath Ernie...). I have no idea what is going on. It's a little like the engine is getting bored - whenever I take my foot off the accelerator, the engine decides to sleep.
Whilst I was driving today, it occurred what is going on. Ernie's engine has developed ADHD. When it's not doing something, it get's bored and does something else. I seeked advice from my Spanish technical advisor (Mr. Haynes Manwell), but ADHD isn't a common problem in engines. If you have any ideas, put your answers on a postcard please.
On a final positive note though, I did discover that the winderful garage that is W. Jones and Sons of Bognor (a.k.a. the miracle workers) have kept stamping my service book. It's rare to find a car as old as Ernie with the original owner's manual, original stereo manual, and service book. But I have a complete sevice book! That's right, Ernie has a Full Service History (FSH). However, the book is nearly full now. I am thinking of writing to Ford, explaining that I have completed my service book. Could I know please have a new one?
My dad suggested that there might be a prize for completing the stamp book. I'm hoping that it's a Transit van!
Goodnight.
Monday, March 02, 2009
100 truths (yep, it's one of those bloomin' chain mail things...)
Well, it seems that all of the cool kids are doing this. It's important that CATCOUK stays topical and relevant (for both of you reading), so here goes. Here are 99 (the last one is a command from them. Don't do it!) truths about me, that you never wanted to know. Don't worry though, I have answered as accurately as I could, in my usually way...
001. Real name → The Andrew James Frederick Clarke (cool, huh? I really am entitled to that title)
002. Nickname(s)→ Flora (mostly), Clarkeface (it suprises me how many people call me Clarkeface)
003. Zodiac sign → Picies
004. Male or female → Male
005. Primary → Freshbrook First School
006. Middle School → Oakfield County Middle School
007. High School → St. Andrews C of E High for Boys (oh God did I miss women at school…)
008. Hair color→ Dark brown.
009. Tall or short → I think I’m short, but I’m not THAT short.
010. Loud or Quiet → Depends on the situation. If it’s with kids, loud. If I’m being shy, then quiet.
011. Sweats or Jeans → Neither. Outdoor rugged trousers. Manly… grrr.
012. Phone or Camera → Camera. I’m radical, and use my phone to talk to people. Crazy…
013. Health freak → Ha ha, yeah right. I avoid cigarettes, alcohol and drugs on medical grounds.
014. This question was missing, so... Do I drive an awesome car → Ooh, yes!
015. Do you have a crush on someone? → Yes. Most females with a pulse qualify.
016. Eat or Drink → Yes, they’re both good.
017. Piercing → Yep, my voice has been known to be quite piercing at times, but no I haven’t mutilated my body.
018. Tattoos → Not that I know of.
HAVE YOU EVER?
019. Been in an airplane→ Yes.
020. Been in a relationship → No. Some say that I’d have better luck if I changed my car, but the Escort was voted 3rd best car to ‘have adult fun’ in! What do I need to do – get a bumper sticher?
021. Been in a car accident → Yes, but nothing serious. I nearly drove Ernie into Shoreham Harbour once…
022. Been in a fist fight → Yes, but you should have see the other guy.FIRSTS:023. First piercing → I got a papercut the other day. Does that count?
024. First best friend → Luke something-or-other. Look, that was a very long time ago! Over 15 years!
025. First award → A well done certificate, with a cartoon mouse on it.
026. First crush → I can’t blo*dy well remember. I’m just not that guy.
027. First time → 12 o’clock. That was always the easiest time to read on the clock. Was that the question, first time I read? Oh, actually, no it wasn’t. N/A
028. First big holiday → Lanzarote with Uni. I’m not counting family holidays – sorry Mum and Dad.
LASTS:
029. Last person you talked to → Michael (face to face), Mum (on the phone – have you got home yet?).
030. Last person you texted → Natalie.031. Last person you watched a movie with → Natalie.
033. Last movie you watched → Happy Gilmore, although Natalie didn’t see the end – she fell asleep!
034. Last song you listened to → My car radio is broken, so I’m not sure.
035. Last thing you bought → Two roast dinners and two drinks at a very nice pub – great food!
036. Last person you hugged → Natalie, calm down, it's nothing interesting (chuffin' gossip machine).
FAVES:
037. Food → Pizza, or burger, or chips, or garlic bread, or bacon, or pancakes, or more pizza, or mozzerella sticks…
038. Drinks → Coca cola and orange juice (a.k.a. ‘Muddy Puddle’ or ‘Muddy water’)
039. Clothing → Hawaiian shirts.
040. Flower → Er… I’m a guy. Flowers should stay on curtain designs or in the garden where they belong.
041. Books → Sorry, but pretty much any Star Trek novels.
042. Colours → Blue (and of course, Champagne Gold)
043. Movies → That is so difficult, but probably Dirty Harry in ‘Magnum Force’ (although the Dark Knight was amazing!)
044. Subjects → Maths – I like a good challenge.
IN 2008..... I
045. Kissed someone → Nope.
046. Celebrated Halloween → Nope.
047. Had your heart broken → Nope.
048. Went over the minutes on your mobile phone → Nope.
049. Questioned someone's sexual orientation → Nope.
050. Came out of the closet → Double nope – I’m staying firmly in there. What a dumb-ass question, there’s no right way to answer that!
051. Got pregnant → That would have been a surprise to many people for so many reasons.
052. Had an abortion → When will the stupid questions stop?
053. Did something you regretted → Continued breathing.
054. Broke a promise → I don’t think so. I don’t like to break promises, and if I did, I am very sorry.
055. Hid a secret → Yes, absolutely.
056. Pretended to be happy → Only on days ending with a y.
057. Met someone who changed your life → Yes, but I first met him in 2007.
058. Pretended to be sick → Nope. Man-flu is not for me!
059. Left the country → Yes. See, I did manage to do something with my boring life!
060. Tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it → Yep. I’ll try anything once. If it kills me, I won’t try it again.
061. Cried over the silliest thing → Not that I can remember.
062. Ran a mile → Err… that’s what my car (Ernie the Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate in Champagne Gold) and my motorbike are for (Eric Morecombe the Motorbike [Honda CB450DX]) – I try to avoid running, I get sweaty.
063. Went to the beach with your best friend(s)→ No last year. Correct me if I’m wrong Michael.
064. Got into an argument with your friends →Nope. Arguments are bad for your health (unless you’re hoping to ‘make up’ afterwards – wink wink, nudge nudge)
065. Hated someone → I try to avoid it, but there probably was at least one a*seh*le that angered me.
066. Done something good for someone else → Only on days ending in a y.
CURRENTLY:
067. Eating → My fist.
068. Drinking → Nothing.
069. I'm about to → Have a night of mad passionate… sleep. In bed. On my own.
070. Listening to → The whirr of my laptop (even it’s bored with this, why am I still typing, and why are you still reading?)
071. Plans for today→ Well, it is now technically tomorrow (which is technically today), so… wash car, do paperwork, try to be less of a k*ob. That hasn’t happened so far, but here’s hoping.
072. Waiting for → Someone to give me £100 million, so I can sort everything out (not least of all, a blo*dy minibus and an Aston), and then live off the interest.
YOUR FUTURE:
073. Want kids? → Don’t know. I don’t mind them once they’re 8 – can you buy them boxed? I’m willing to practice the making children part though…
074. Want to get married? → Probably, but I’m not sure that I meet that many deaf-blind ladies.
075. Careers in mind → Teaching and youth work. Volunteer. I am going to be so rich… not.
WHICH IS BETTER WITH OTHER GENDER?
076. Lips or eyes → Eyes.
077. Shorter or taller? → Yes. Depends on the person, and their personality.
078. Romantic or spontaneous → Those aren’t mutually exlusive. You could be both. I mean I’m neither. Rubbish question, so I’m not going to answer. Rasp.
079. Nice stomach or nice arms → Stomach.
080. Sensitive or loud → That’s another stupid question. I can think of many people that fit both of those. But I will answer and say ‘Both’.
081. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship. I find it far too stressful to be doing it regularly.
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant → Depends on the situation, but I’m leaning towards trouble.
HAVE YOU EVER:
083. Lost glasses/contacts → Yes, all the time. Isn’t embaressing when they end up your head?084. Ran away from home → Not seriously – I was 5 at the time…
085. Hold a gun/knife for self defense → Yep. Mainly when camping, in case of bear or other animal attacks.
086. Killed somebody → Not directly? I’m sure did something, that caused this, then that, and someone subsequently kicked the bucket.
087. Broken someone's heart → God only know’s. If I did, it was their fault for not telling me they’re interested. I’m not good with this sort of thing.
088. Rejected someone's call on purpose → Oh God yes. Not often enough, I’m just too damn polite…
089. Cried when someone died → Yep. You’ve got to be pretty cold not too if they were close.DO
YOU BELIEVE IN:
090. Yourself → No. I mean, I believe in myself as an idea, and as a force for good (helping people etc), but not as a person. Lost cause.
091. Miracles → Definitely.
092. Love at first sight → That is a concept I have absolutely no grasp of, and so couldn’t possibly make a judgement call.
093. Heaven → I doubt it, but if there is, it will be a pleasant surprise (unless the Chavs get in there and ruin it first).
094. Santa Claus → Obviously yes. (Adults should read between the lines on that one).
095. Sex on the first date → Yes, so far as I believe it happens. Just not with me. Mainly on principle, but also because I’m pretty good at boring women to death.
096. Kiss on the first date → Again, yes, I do believe it happens. I have to experience to validate that claim though.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Yes, well sort of.
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? → No. But I can’t do anything about it, so I’ll plod on anyway.
099. Do you believe in God? → Yes, but not what you’re thinking.
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 15 friends. → No. Stop wasting everybody’s time. Told you at the top there were only 99 truths.
Check out the next post, when you will see what happened when I attended a life drawing class. I really did, and I drew as best I could the naked pregnant woman (how did my life take me there???).
Goodnight.
001. Real name → The Andrew James Frederick Clarke (cool, huh? I really am entitled to that title)
002. Nickname(s)→ Flora (mostly), Clarkeface (it suprises me how many people call me Clarkeface)
003. Zodiac sign → Picies
004. Male or female → Male
005. Primary → Freshbrook First School
006. Middle School → Oakfield County Middle School
007. High School → St. Andrews C of E High for Boys (oh God did I miss women at school…)
008. Hair color→ Dark brown.
009. Tall or short → I think I’m short, but I’m not THAT short.
010. Loud or Quiet → Depends on the situation. If it’s with kids, loud. If I’m being shy, then quiet.
011. Sweats or Jeans → Neither. Outdoor rugged trousers. Manly… grrr.
012. Phone or Camera → Camera. I’m radical, and use my phone to talk to people. Crazy…
013. Health freak → Ha ha, yeah right. I avoid cigarettes, alcohol and drugs on medical grounds.
014. This question was missing, so... Do I drive an awesome car → Ooh, yes!
015. Do you have a crush on someone? → Yes. Most females with a pulse qualify.
016. Eat or Drink → Yes, they’re both good.
017. Piercing → Yep, my voice has been known to be quite piercing at times, but no I haven’t mutilated my body.
018. Tattoos → Not that I know of.
HAVE YOU EVER?
019. Been in an airplane→ Yes.
020. Been in a relationship → No. Some say that I’d have better luck if I changed my car, but the Escort was voted 3rd best car to ‘have adult fun’ in! What do I need to do – get a bumper sticher?
021. Been in a car accident → Yes, but nothing serious. I nearly drove Ernie into Shoreham Harbour once…
022. Been in a fist fight → Yes, but you should have see the other guy.FIRSTS:023. First piercing → I got a papercut the other day. Does that count?
024. First best friend → Luke something-or-other. Look, that was a very long time ago! Over 15 years!
025. First award → A well done certificate, with a cartoon mouse on it.
026. First crush → I can’t blo*dy well remember. I’m just not that guy.
027. First time → 12 o’clock. That was always the easiest time to read on the clock. Was that the question, first time I read? Oh, actually, no it wasn’t. N/A
028. First big holiday → Lanzarote with Uni. I’m not counting family holidays – sorry Mum and Dad.
LASTS:
029. Last person you talked to → Michael (face to face), Mum (on the phone – have you got home yet?).
030. Last person you texted → Natalie.031. Last person you watched a movie with → Natalie.
033. Last movie you watched → Happy Gilmore, although Natalie didn’t see the end – she fell asleep!
034. Last song you listened to → My car radio is broken, so I’m not sure.
035. Last thing you bought → Two roast dinners and two drinks at a very nice pub – great food!
036. Last person you hugged → Natalie, calm down, it's nothing interesting (chuffin' gossip machine).
FAVES:
037. Food → Pizza, or burger, or chips, or garlic bread, or bacon, or pancakes, or more pizza, or mozzerella sticks…
038. Drinks → Coca cola and orange juice (a.k.a. ‘Muddy Puddle’ or ‘Muddy water’)
039. Clothing → Hawaiian shirts.
040. Flower → Er… I’m a guy. Flowers should stay on curtain designs or in the garden where they belong.
041. Books → Sorry, but pretty much any Star Trek novels.
042. Colours → Blue (and of course, Champagne Gold)
043. Movies → That is so difficult, but probably Dirty Harry in ‘Magnum Force’ (although the Dark Knight was amazing!)
044. Subjects → Maths – I like a good challenge.
IN 2008..... I
045. Kissed someone → Nope.
046. Celebrated Halloween → Nope.
047. Had your heart broken → Nope.
048. Went over the minutes on your mobile phone → Nope.
049. Questioned someone's sexual orientation → Nope.
050. Came out of the closet → Double nope – I’m staying firmly in there. What a dumb-ass question, there’s no right way to answer that!
051. Got pregnant → That would have been a surprise to many people for so many reasons.
052. Had an abortion → When will the stupid questions stop?
053. Did something you regretted → Continued breathing.
054. Broke a promise → I don’t think so. I don’t like to break promises, and if I did, I am very sorry.
055. Hid a secret → Yes, absolutely.
056. Pretended to be happy → Only on days ending with a y.
057. Met someone who changed your life → Yes, but I first met him in 2007.
058. Pretended to be sick → Nope. Man-flu is not for me!
059. Left the country → Yes. See, I did manage to do something with my boring life!
060. Tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it → Yep. I’ll try anything once. If it kills me, I won’t try it again.
061. Cried over the silliest thing → Not that I can remember.
062. Ran a mile → Err… that’s what my car (Ernie the Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate in Champagne Gold) and my motorbike are for (Eric Morecombe the Motorbike [Honda CB450DX]) – I try to avoid running, I get sweaty.
063. Went to the beach with your best friend(s)→ No last year. Correct me if I’m wrong Michael.
064. Got into an argument with your friends →Nope. Arguments are bad for your health (unless you’re hoping to ‘make up’ afterwards – wink wink, nudge nudge)
065. Hated someone → I try to avoid it, but there probably was at least one a*seh*le that angered me.
066. Done something good for someone else → Only on days ending in a y.
CURRENTLY:
067. Eating → My fist.
068. Drinking → Nothing.
069. I'm about to → Have a night of mad passionate… sleep. In bed. On my own.
070. Listening to → The whirr of my laptop (even it’s bored with this, why am I still typing, and why are you still reading?)
071. Plans for today→ Well, it is now technically tomorrow (which is technically today), so… wash car, do paperwork, try to be less of a k*ob. That hasn’t happened so far, but here’s hoping.
072. Waiting for → Someone to give me £100 million, so I can sort everything out (not least of all, a blo*dy minibus and an Aston), and then live off the interest.
YOUR FUTURE:
073. Want kids? → Don’t know. I don’t mind them once they’re 8 – can you buy them boxed? I’m willing to practice the making children part though…
074. Want to get married? → Probably, but I’m not sure that I meet that many deaf-blind ladies.
075. Careers in mind → Teaching and youth work. Volunteer. I am going to be so rich… not.
WHICH IS BETTER WITH OTHER GENDER?
076. Lips or eyes → Eyes.
077. Shorter or taller? → Yes. Depends on the person, and their personality.
078. Romantic or spontaneous → Those aren’t mutually exlusive. You could be both. I mean I’m neither. Rubbish question, so I’m not going to answer. Rasp.
079. Nice stomach or nice arms → Stomach.
080. Sensitive or loud → That’s another stupid question. I can think of many people that fit both of those. But I will answer and say ‘Both’.
081. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship. I find it far too stressful to be doing it regularly.
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant → Depends on the situation, but I’m leaning towards trouble.
HAVE YOU EVER:
083. Lost glasses/contacts → Yes, all the time. Isn’t embaressing when they end up your head?084. Ran away from home → Not seriously – I was 5 at the time…
085. Hold a gun/knife for self defense → Yep. Mainly when camping, in case of bear or other animal attacks.
086. Killed somebody → Not directly? I’m sure did something, that caused this, then that, and someone subsequently kicked the bucket.
087. Broken someone's heart → God only know’s. If I did, it was their fault for not telling me they’re interested. I’m not good with this sort of thing.
088. Rejected someone's call on purpose → Oh God yes. Not often enough, I’m just too damn polite…
089. Cried when someone died → Yep. You’ve got to be pretty cold not too if they were close.DO
YOU BELIEVE IN:
090. Yourself → No. I mean, I believe in myself as an idea, and as a force for good (helping people etc), but not as a person. Lost cause.
091. Miracles → Definitely.
092. Love at first sight → That is a concept I have absolutely no grasp of, and so couldn’t possibly make a judgement call.
093. Heaven → I doubt it, but if there is, it will be a pleasant surprise (unless the Chavs get in there and ruin it first).
094. Santa Claus → Obviously yes. (Adults should read between the lines on that one).
095. Sex on the first date → Yes, so far as I believe it happens. Just not with me. Mainly on principle, but also because I’m pretty good at boring women to death.
096. Kiss on the first date → Again, yes, I do believe it happens. I have to experience to validate that claim though.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Yes, well sort of.
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? → No. But I can’t do anything about it, so I’ll plod on anyway.
099. Do you believe in God? → Yes, but not what you’re thinking.
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 15 friends. → No. Stop wasting everybody’s time. Told you at the top there were only 99 truths.
Check out the next post, when you will see what happened when I attended a life drawing class. I really did, and I drew as best I could the naked pregnant woman (how did my life take me there???).
Goodnight.
Friday, February 27, 2009
What a genious insurance salesman!
For many years, I have got my motorcycle insurance from an Irish fella in a brokers in Worthing. He has never failed to get me cheap insurance for my bike, and he is generally an awesome bloke. In fact, he's bloomin' amazing. I only see the chap once a year, but he knows my name every time he sees me, knows all about me, what course I'm doing at Uni, asks about Mum (she get's her bike insurance through him as well) - how does Gerry (for that is his name)remember all this stuff!?!?!?
I phoned him up the other day, and said, 'hello Gerry, it's Andy'. My insurance is due for renewal, and I needed to tell him the details of my motoring conviction (still gets me angry thinking about that). So I said, 'Hello Gerry, it's Andy'. To which he replied (remember, we're on the phone, he can't see my face, and I've given no surname) 'You're a knob aren't ya! A blo*dy IN10?'
How's that for customer service, huh? Legend.
I have to say though, he sorted me out a cracking deal. The offense has only increased by insurance by £15, and was £35 less than I had been quoted elsewhere! (I wish my car insurance had only gone up by £15, instead of £75...).
Lastly, it would be rude of me to say hi to the person who suggested and introduced me to Gerry. I doubt she remembers, but way back in our first year of college, Sibohan suggested him for bike insurance (please get an easier name to spell...).
Double lastly, I realised that I let the 200th CATCOUK blog post slip by last time. I'm glad that such an honour was dedicated to the passing of one of my friends. Please re-read the last post, and imagine fireworks and catherine wheels...
I phoned him up the other day, and said, 'hello Gerry, it's Andy'. My insurance is due for renewal, and I needed to tell him the details of my motoring conviction (still gets me angry thinking about that). So I said, 'Hello Gerry, it's Andy'. To which he replied (remember, we're on the phone, he can't see my face, and I've given no surname) 'You're a knob aren't ya! A blo*dy IN10?'
How's that for customer service, huh? Legend.
I have to say though, he sorted me out a cracking deal. The offense has only increased by insurance by £15, and was £35 less than I had been quoted elsewhere! (I wish my car insurance had only gone up by £15, instead of £75...).
Lastly, it would be rude of me to say hi to the person who suggested and introduced me to Gerry. I doubt she remembers, but way back in our first year of college, Sibohan suggested him for bike insurance (please get an easier name to spell...).
Double lastly, I realised that I let the 200th CATCOUK blog post slip by last time. I'm glad that such an honour was dedicated to the passing of one of my friends. Please re-read the last post, and imagine fireworks and catherine wheels...
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Frown and Grrr
I have to say, that the week between Valentine's Day and my birthday is always bad. These are two of the most depressing days of the year for me (Valentine's Day for obvious reasons). But this year, I managed to make the week that much more stressful for myself. What a pillock.
First off, I decided to collect all of my dissertation data in one week, and carry out the intervention. Alright, so all I had to do was run a week of fun adventurous activities - and tha was a laugh. But my dear lord! The week just went from one disaster to the next. You all know about the orienteering map bu*ger up (and if you don't, read the previous post), but there is only one other that I'm willing to share. We went to do archery at our local Scout camp. Previously, we have used the big field next door. I arrived, and found that they don't have access to that field any more, and I would have to use the camp (which has a stream running behind it)! Loosing arrows in the stream would be bad news bears. But the Scout guys were great. They took 25 minutes to drive to their HQ, and get their archery net, which they then set up for me. That was sooo appreciated, and was one of the few things that went right.
On top of this, I had to get a presentation done for Uni. After feck*ng around Friday morning with the map, I ruched to Chichester to meet up with my group. The deal was that I would present and sort out the technology and presentation materials. The rest of the team would sort out the research. We got all of the stuff together, and I found that the presentation was weaker than a wet paper bag! Oh bu*ger.
So I spent all weekend (when I wasn't doing dissertation stuff) trying to get it right. That included my birthday. The group then spent all of Monday trying to scrape together something decent. By today, we had produced a pretty well referenced presentation, and I had sorted out a webpage and handout to accompany the presentation (I think the finishing touches are important). So after all of that effort, you'd think I'd be pleased with the result.
No.
The scheduled room hadn't been booked properly (chuffing incompetent lecturers - how hard can it be to book a room - oh that's right easy - I've done it before!!!). I had checked the presentation worked properly, and all of the technology worked in that room. Obviously, it didn't work properly in the other room. The colour contrast was way off, so no one could see the animation or design of the presentation, and all of the footer notes had been cut off of the bottom.
Worse still, was my own performance. In previous presentations, my presentation skills have become the stuff of legends (even if I do say so myself). As such, the group decided that I would present the latter two thirds of the presentation to punch us through. Unfortunately, I have been chisled down so much, that I really couldn't care less about the bloo*y thing. Worse still, I had no enthusiasm (or even a passing interest) for the subject in the first place. That may have shown in my generally pi*s-poor performance, and the generally un-entertaining result. Maybe it was just because we were last up, but I really didn't feel that spark I usually have. All the effort and stress, and I was severely disappointed with the outcome. That's definitely a kick in the teeth.
Having said that, I spent 45 minutes on the phone this evening, and chatting with a friend really did make me feel better. Thanks Nat.
I'd just like to finish with my Birthday. Thanks to everyone who sent a message (by phone or by FaceBook, or in person). I have said that I don't like my birthday, and I really do consider it a non-event. Except for my family, there is only one person in the world who knows when it is (although Mike actually goes for two dates, better to be on the safe side eh?). Thanks to FaceBook, everyone and their bloomin dog knew when it was this year. Well, don't worry, I found out how to get rid of that on FaceBook.
It's not because I am vain, I don't think that age is important in many things. I have left my birthday visible on FaceBook to proove this (I don't mind everyone knowing that I'm only 20... lol). The day just makes me miserable for other far more complex reasons. Having said that, it is nice to receive so many messages. Thanks for that. It was also very good to receive such an amazing present from my best mate. It won't mean anything to anyone else, but he gave me something he has had for years, and I have wanted ever since I saw it.
And on that bomb-shell, goodnight.
Dedicated to the memory of Commodore Bill Smith NTC (1920-2009). A great leader, a great man, and a great friend. I will miss you alot Bill, and so will so many others.
First off, I decided to collect all of my dissertation data in one week, and carry out the intervention. Alright, so all I had to do was run a week of fun adventurous activities - and tha was a laugh. But my dear lord! The week just went from one disaster to the next. You all know about the orienteering map bu*ger up (and if you don't, read the previous post), but there is only one other that I'm willing to share. We went to do archery at our local Scout camp. Previously, we have used the big field next door. I arrived, and found that they don't have access to that field any more, and I would have to use the camp (which has a stream running behind it)! Loosing arrows in the stream would be bad news bears. But the Scout guys were great. They took 25 minutes to drive to their HQ, and get their archery net, which they then set up for me. That was sooo appreciated, and was one of the few things that went right.
On top of this, I had to get a presentation done for Uni. After feck*ng around Friday morning with the map, I ruched to Chichester to meet up with my group. The deal was that I would present and sort out the technology and presentation materials. The rest of the team would sort out the research. We got all of the stuff together, and I found that the presentation was weaker than a wet paper bag! Oh bu*ger.
So I spent all weekend (when I wasn't doing dissertation stuff) trying to get it right. That included my birthday. The group then spent all of Monday trying to scrape together something decent. By today, we had produced a pretty well referenced presentation, and I had sorted out a webpage and handout to accompany the presentation (I think the finishing touches are important). So after all of that effort, you'd think I'd be pleased with the result.
No.
The scheduled room hadn't been booked properly (chuffing incompetent lecturers - how hard can it be to book a room - oh that's right easy - I've done it before!!!). I had checked the presentation worked properly, and all of the technology worked in that room. Obviously, it didn't work properly in the other room. The colour contrast was way off, so no one could see the animation or design of the presentation, and all of the footer notes had been cut off of the bottom.
Worse still, was my own performance. In previous presentations, my presentation skills have become the stuff of legends (even if I do say so myself). As such, the group decided that I would present the latter two thirds of the presentation to punch us through. Unfortunately, I have been chisled down so much, that I really couldn't care less about the bloo*y thing. Worse still, I had no enthusiasm (or even a passing interest) for the subject in the first place. That may have shown in my generally pi*s-poor performance, and the generally un-entertaining result. Maybe it was just because we were last up, but I really didn't feel that spark I usually have. All the effort and stress, and I was severely disappointed with the outcome. That's definitely a kick in the teeth.
Having said that, I spent 45 minutes on the phone this evening, and chatting with a friend really did make me feel better. Thanks Nat.
I'd just like to finish with my Birthday. Thanks to everyone who sent a message (by phone or by FaceBook, or in person). I have said that I don't like my birthday, and I really do consider it a non-event. Except for my family, there is only one person in the world who knows when it is (although Mike actually goes for two dates, better to be on the safe side eh?). Thanks to FaceBook, everyone and their bloomin dog knew when it was this year. Well, don't worry, I found out how to get rid of that on FaceBook.
It's not because I am vain, I don't think that age is important in many things. I have left my birthday visible on FaceBook to proove this (I don't mind everyone knowing that I'm only 20... lol). The day just makes me miserable for other far more complex reasons. Having said that, it is nice to receive so many messages. Thanks for that. It was also very good to receive such an amazing present from my best mate. It won't mean anything to anyone else, but he gave me something he has had for years, and I have wanted ever since I saw it.
And on that bomb-shell, goodnight.
Dedicated to the memory of Commodore Bill Smith NTC (1920-2009). A great leader, a great man, and a great friend. I will miss you alot Bill, and so will so many others.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Lancing Ring Orienteering (PS - I'm still a navigation god!)
I don't quite know what is happenning to my blog, but we have another public service announcement. For part of my dissertation research I wanted to take a group of NTC cadets orienteering on the fixed Lancing Ring (a.k.a. Lancing Clump) orienteering course. After two weeks of investigation, I managed to track down the man who runs it, to find out that I was calling him on his mobile phone in - NEW ZEALAND! Sorry Mum and Dad - that might have been an expensive call...
Anyways, he wouldn't return until after we were due to go. So instead, I decided that I would have to use an OS map, and create my own orienteering course map. I haven't done the course in 4 years, but I managed to find 12 markers (all the markers that I remember). Strictly speaking the start and finish is in the Lancing Manor Leisure Centre's field, but I started from the other end at the North Lancing cemetery. After just 65 minutes all the points (armed with no map) were mine!
With all of the trouble I had, I thought I would put a map up showing where the markers are, so that if you're left in the same boat, you haven't got to stumble around beautiful Lancing Ring to find them all. Each dot is a marker, and the start/ finish post is near where it says 'Pleasure Gds'. (I suppose there might be more than 12 markers, but me and the 25 cadets didn't find any others)
Hope that helps someone out. If you want to speak to the man, go to www.milescary.co.uk (provided he's not in New Zealand...).
Anyways, he wouldn't return until after we were due to go. So instead, I decided that I would have to use an OS map, and create my own orienteering course map. I haven't done the course in 4 years, but I managed to find 12 markers (all the markers that I remember). Strictly speaking the start and finish is in the Lancing Manor Leisure Centre's field, but I started from the other end at the North Lancing cemetery. After just 65 minutes all the points (armed with no map) were mine!
With all of the trouble I had, I thought I would put a map up showing where the markers are, so that if you're left in the same boat, you haven't got to stumble around beautiful Lancing Ring to find them all. Each dot is a marker, and the start/ finish post is near where it says 'Pleasure Gds'. (I suppose there might be more than 12 markers, but me and the 25 cadets didn't find any others)
Hope that helps someone out. If you want to speak to the man, go to www.milescary.co.uk (provided he's not in New Zealand...).
Monday, February 16, 2009
Part II: Even Angrier Skis of Fury!
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls - it's here. After a whole week of suspense, the wait is over. You can now see the second part to our first mini-series: Wish You Were Here (instead of me).
If you can't see it above, you can click here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we4ZAMB652c
If you can't see it above, you can click here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we4ZAMB652c
Sunday, February 15, 2009
An uncharacteristic social rant
In the last few weeks, an advert has slithered it's way onto our TV screens. Nothing odd about that, there are many adverts on TV - but this one I object to strongly. It's one of those 'diet pills' adverts for women. Most of these adverts have a before and after image, and sometimes you can see why the 'before' woman might want to diet - she's a little overweight. But this one has really angered me. Look at the pictures below. I'm guessing the pictures on the left are supposed to be 'before' shots.
You may wonder why I say these things. Well, other than an excuse to put pictures of beautiful bikini-clad women on my blog, I also have many female friends. I know that some of them have issues with their self-image, and I felt the need to condemn this kind of advert, and to try and assure as many normal women out there as possible that they are not fat, they don't need to go on a diet, and they don't need to start taking diet pills. Just say no girls!
Rant over. Say no to drugs (of any kind) kids!
To every man that reads this - is there anything wrong with the lady on the left? I would strongly guess that there isn't a man or woman on the planet who considers her overweight, or ever the slightest bit 'chunky'. In fact, she's gorgeous. Worse still, there are many women who might be a little bigger than 'before' picture, and feel they need to diet because of these pictures. Bol*oc*ks! No they don't.
You may wonder why I say these things. Well, other than an excuse to put pictures of beautiful bikini-clad women on my blog, I also have many female friends. I know that some of them have issues with their self-image, and I felt the need to condemn this kind of advert, and to try and assure as many normal women out there as possible that they are not fat, they don't need to go on a diet, and they don't need to start taking diet pills. Just say no girls!
Rant over. Say no to drugs (of any kind) kids!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
The end of an era
Not that anybody cares, but I just want this out on the internet with a date so that everyone knows. After 10 years of providing media-based services, CAT: Computer Applied Technology is changing the name that it 'trades' under. From today, all divisions of my multi-faceted media company (including web-design, publications, films and other media) will be known as:
CAT-TDY Productions (est. 2009)
Keeping the 'CAT' part of the name from the company, I felt it was time to update the brand (and find a name that no one else uses). TDY is from the last three digits of Ernie's number plate. This means that 'Wish You Were Here (instead of me)' is officialy CAT Productions final project.
The end of an era (that no-one cares about, told you).
CAT-TDY Productions (est. 2009)Keeping the 'CAT' part of the name from the company, I felt it was time to update the brand (and find a name that no one else uses). TDY is from the last three digits of Ernie's number plate. This means that 'Wish You Were Here (instead of me)' is officialy CAT Productions final project.
The end of an era (that no-one cares about, told you).
Thursday, February 12, 2009
15 minutes of fame
As some bloke said, everybody gets their 15 minutes of fame. It would appear that I'm getting mine now. I've been blogging for nearly three years, and in that time I have produced many videos, and other bits of 'entertainment'. But never has a project prooved so popular!
Since it's release, 'Wish You Were Here (Instead of Me)' has grossed $0 internationaly at the box-office, but it has had 75 views on YouTube, and a raft of very positive comments on FaceBook. One of my friends (Maz) has E-mailed the first part to Top Gear, feeling that the video warrented their attention. I'm not expecting to hear anything back, but it was nice jesture...
Another friend (Hannah) E-mail the link to everyone in the Adventure Education address book. Unfortunatly, that also meant the Uni's teaching staff. Bugger. I guess I can count on a fail for that module then... Having said that, apparently, on lecturer, Hodgo) thought it was 'hillarios'.
But all of this publicity started when Holly made a big deal of it on FaceBook, and ordered all Ad Ed's to watch. I guess that means I should credir Holly as part of the PR department as well...
With the huge success of the series (so far), I have completed a DVD. I don't really know why I put so much effort into it, but I think it looks awesome. I had an 'advance preview' at Uni in the library, and part 2 (and the DVD) was well received. Unbelievable. It was just something I threw together...
Thank you to everyone who has made a comment. All have and will be read, and are greatly appreciated...
Since it's release, 'Wish You Were Here (Instead of Me)' has grossed $0 internationaly at the box-office, but it has had 75 views on YouTube, and a raft of very positive comments on FaceBook. One of my friends (Maz) has E-mailed the first part to Top Gear, feeling that the video warrented their attention. I'm not expecting to hear anything back, but it was nice jesture...
Another friend (Hannah) E-mail the link to everyone in the Adventure Education address book. Unfortunatly, that also meant the Uni's teaching staff. Bugger. I guess I can count on a fail for that module then... Having said that, apparently, on lecturer, Hodgo) thought it was 'hillarios'.
But all of this publicity started when Holly made a big deal of it on FaceBook, and ordered all Ad Ed's to watch. I guess that means I should credir Holly as part of the PR department as well...
With the huge success of the series (so far), I have completed a DVD. I don't really know why I put so much effort into it, but I think it looks awesome. I had an 'advance preview' at Uni in the library, and part 2 (and the DVD) was well received. Unbelievable. It was just something I threw together...
Thank you to everyone who has made a comment. All have and will be read, and are greatly appreciated...
Monday, February 09, 2009
The answers to all of your FaceBook questions...
If you haven't got FaceBook, you won't know that some amazing changes have taken place in the last few days of my life. It all started when I de-listed myself as single last week, and the questions and comments came flying in. So in the past few days, I have been listed as:
Andrew is in an open relationship with Miss Terry Woman [mystery woman... geddit?]
Andrew is listed as engaged. (Yeah, I'm on the phone, sorry)
Andrew is married... to the NTC and possible Ernie the Escort.
Andrew is no longer listed as married.
Andrew could be expecting a little Clarke.
Well, the answer is this - hopefully many people are reading this, and as such will now know that the first part of my new video is out: I Wish You Were Here (instead of me), Part 1: Wheels of Anger! This is the story of a boy from Lancing, and his amazing 1986 Ford Escort going to Grnoble, 700 miles away! Have a look at it, you know you want to.
If you can't see the video, follow this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dx0JeHM3wPI
Part 2: Even Angrier Skis of Fury will be out next week (and I think it's 200% better than part 1).
That didn't answer any questions, but it did plug this great new video(Am I the father to an expected bastard love child from a very short marriage or an open relationship with Miss Woman?)
Andrew is in an open relationship with Miss Terry Woman [mystery woman... geddit?]
Andrew is listed as engaged. (Yeah, I'm on the phone, sorry)
Andrew is married... to the NTC and possible Ernie the Escort.
Andrew is no longer listed as married.
Andrew could be expecting a little Clarke.
Well, the answer is this - hopefully many people are reading this, and as such will now know that the first part of my new video is out: I Wish You Were Here (instead of me), Part 1: Wheels of Anger! This is the story of a boy from Lancing, and his amazing 1986 Ford Escort going to Grnoble, 700 miles away! Have a look at it, you know you want to.
If you can't see the video, follow this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dx0JeHM3wPI
Part 2: Even Angrier Skis of Fury will be out next week (and I think it's 200% better than part 1).
That didn't answer any questions, but it did plug this great new video(Am I the father to an expected bastard love child from a very short marriage or an open relationship with Miss Woman?)
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Worse than my own bloomin' mother
Before I completely character assasinate one of my friends, I have to say that Fella is a stand up guy. However...
Today, I drove into Uni for a meeting with one of my lecturers. Afterwards, I headed over Holly's house, and caught up with her, and Fella. After a while, Fella ripped me a new one for driving 11.5 hours accross France to get back from the Alps! Even my own mother did b*tch at me as much as he did! Good goodness, Fella told me off a good'n. Apparently, it was very irresponsible (which if I'm honest is true), and I should feel guilty.
But I don't. I wasn't tired, I didn't ache, and I wasn't uncomfortable. I am pleased that I can do some things that are remotely bloke-ish and irresponsible. It'll be something to tell the grandchildren (well, other people's grandchildren of course...). Seriously though, it's nice to think someone cares out about you, so thanks for caring Fella (although I think you were angrier that I gave into someone else's demands to get home early).
Just to prolong the legend of Ernie (of which I have received literally no messages of support, thanks for that) I filled up today. This should have been an expensive one, as I had to have the engine running for up to 30 minutes at times going nowhere, just to get the engine warmed up! Yet once again, Ernie has pulled through, and just sipped at petrol, costing about £5 less than I would have expected!
Today, I drove into Uni for a meeting with one of my lecturers. Afterwards, I headed over Holly's house, and caught up with her, and Fella. After a while, Fella ripped me a new one for driving 11.5 hours accross France to get back from the Alps! Even my own mother did b*tch at me as much as he did! Good goodness, Fella told me off a good'n. Apparently, it was very irresponsible (which if I'm honest is true), and I should feel guilty.
But I don't. I wasn't tired, I didn't ache, and I wasn't uncomfortable. I am pleased that I can do some things that are remotely bloke-ish and irresponsible. It'll be something to tell the grandchildren (well, other people's grandchildren of course...). Seriously though, it's nice to think someone cares out about you, so thanks for caring Fella (although I think you were angrier that I gave into someone else's demands to get home early).
Just to prolong the legend of Ernie (of which I have received literally no messages of support, thanks for that) I filled up today. This should have been an expensive one, as I had to have the engine running for up to 30 minutes at times going nowhere, just to get the engine warmed up! Yet once again, Ernie has pulled through, and just sipped at petrol, costing about £5 less than I would have expected!
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Some things need saying...
First and foremostly, if you are on FaceBook - get a flippin' life! For those of you unaware (or if your normal, and just not interested) I changed my relationship status on FaceBook yesterday. Although I may have joked yesterday, I just wanted to delete the setting from my account, so that 'Relationship status' was blank. FaceBook decided to blurt to everyone that 'Andrew Clarke is no longer listed as 'single'.' Which is true, but no-one read it literally, everyone assumed that I had been fraternising around. Well, overnight, I received a record 13 messages! I have now reinstated the status as 'single' to stop the influx of comments.
Secondly, and more importantly to Ian - cheeky git! Read yesterday's comments, and you'll see what I mean. Ernie has never disappointed a passenger, and has steadfastly done everything asked of him (and more!). If you've been in my car, and you know what Ernie is, please comment, and your support to the most unbelievably capable car in the known universe!
PS - As per your advice Ian, I am looking into getting shares at W. Jones of Bognor. In the last year, the garage have made over £1000 out of me, and that would have been ebough to buy 3 and a third decent cars - well, three and a third 1986 Ford Escort Estate 1.4 GLs in champagne gold!
Secondly, and more importantly to Ian - cheeky git! Read yesterday's comments, and you'll see what I mean. Ernie has never disappointed a passenger, and has steadfastly done everything asked of him (and more!). If you've been in my car, and you know what Ernie is, please comment, and your support to the most unbelievably capable car in the known universe!
PS - As per your advice Ian, I am looking into getting shares at W. Jones of Bognor. In the last year, the garage have made over £1000 out of me, and that would have been ebough to buy 3 and a third decent cars - well, three and a third 1986 Ford Escort Estate 1.4 GLs in champagne gold!
Monday, February 02, 2009
It's been an odd day...
I woke up this morning at 8, all ready for a day at Uni. Unfortunately, mother nature was against me (as was my mother in fact - she wasn't keen on my skidding along the snow-filled roads). I thought about simply skiing along the Downs to Chichester, but then I remembered how much I hate skiing...
I love snow, and we see it so rarely here in the Florida of the UK. Unfortunately though, the snow meant I was trapped at home on a day when I was hoping to be at Uni. This meant a day of watching TV, and doing a few odd jobs. One of those odd jobs was to make a change to my relationship status on FaceBook.
After an exciting weekend in Brighton, where a young lady and I were up all night, and then had to visit the fmaily planning clinic the next morning, I felt that I should stop advertising myself as 'single'. I decided not saying anything was a better move, not realising that FaceBook would then shout about the fact - and that I would subsequently be beseiged with messages! Anyways, it provides some more grease for the NTC gossip wheels I suppose... Bugger.
ERNIE UPDATE: Well, the more cunning of you will realise that I didn't drive in the snow today, despite having the choice! Ernie is now repaired, and is all systems go (except the radio which doesn't work at all now...). Dave the mechanic said that it was the 'ignition module' (whatever the heck that is), and it was on it's way out anyway. This means two things: 1. Ernie is amazing (which I knew anyway) as he got us home, instead of stranding us in France; 2. The trip to Grenoble caused no problems, and was a faultless 1400 mile journey!
I love snow, and we see it so rarely here in the Florida of the UK. Unfortunately though, the snow meant I was trapped at home on a day when I was hoping to be at Uni. This meant a day of watching TV, and doing a few odd jobs. One of those odd jobs was to make a change to my relationship status on FaceBook.
After an exciting weekend in Brighton, where a young lady and I were up all night, and then had to visit the fmaily planning clinic the next morning, I felt that I should stop advertising myself as 'single'. I decided not saying anything was a better move, not realising that FaceBook would then shout about the fact - and that I would subsequently be beseiged with messages! Anyways, it provides some more grease for the NTC gossip wheels I suppose... Bugger.
ERNIE UPDATE: Well, the more cunning of you will realise that I didn't drive in the snow today, despite having the choice! Ernie is now repaired, and is all systems go (except the radio which doesn't work at all now...). Dave the mechanic said that it was the 'ignition module' (whatever the heck that is), and it was on it's way out anyway. This means two things: 1. Ernie is amazing (which I knew anyway) as he got us home, instead of stranding us in France; 2. The trip to Grenoble caused no problems, and was a faultless 1400 mile journey!
Friday, January 30, 2009
National Council meetings - you just can't beat them!
As a Commander in the Nautical Training Corps, I have to attended the organisation's top level meetings where our National Council meet. When I accepted the job of Adventure Activities Director, I wanted to help people, not just because it would mean I have the same rank as James Bond! Seriously though, I hate meetings, they can be so dull...
Firstly, I had to get there. As you know, my transport options at the moment as somewhat limited - car in the garage, bike that doesn't recharge it's battery. I decided I would take the bike, and pray that the battery lasted long enough to power the lights there and back. Just in case, I'd take Dad's jump-pack so that I could wire-up the battery to get it started at the other end. One problem though, where was the jump-pack?
(a) In the garage where normal people would keep it;
(b) By the front door ready for use;
(c) In the kitchen, next to the microwave, because it's the obvious place for it to be!;
(d) In the back of my car, in the garage, in Bognor Regis, 12 miles away.
If you answered:
(a) You don't know me or my family at all. Normal people?
(b) You're thinking like me (scarily), but you have forgotten about my luck.
(c) You're clearly an avid reader on CATCOUK, and should get a life. However, you're also wrong, you remember the facts, but not the spirit.
(d) You're an evil person, but clearly understand exactly how my life works. Correct.
With that little spanner in the works, I had to go begging, and asked Dad to lend me his. God I love that car - I know why the police used Volvo estates. Very fast, and stick to the road like sh*t to a blanket. With that problem solved, onto the next one - staying awake through the meeting.
The chairman is great, and his reports are fine, and usually interesting to a degree. Our Chief of Staff is very... animated, and usually has a pretty lively report. Then we hit a brick wall, as we have to listen to the regional reports. Goodness me, could they be any more dull? I looked over at fellow Commander Ian, and he looked like he was in serious pain, gripping his face with boredom.
To finish the evening, we had a debate about the new cadet grades and classwork titles. There was a long discussion about the use of the term 'Seaman', and it may have made me giggle a little bit. The guys from London region (same who helped me get my car out of the harbour last month) looked at me, and told me to grow up. I'm sorry, these meetings just leave me drained!
ERNIE UPDATE: He's with W. Jones, but I haven't heard anything yet.
Firstly, I had to get there. As you know, my transport options at the moment as somewhat limited - car in the garage, bike that doesn't recharge it's battery. I decided I would take the bike, and pray that the battery lasted long enough to power the lights there and back. Just in case, I'd take Dad's jump-pack so that I could wire-up the battery to get it started at the other end. One problem though, where was the jump-pack?
(a) In the garage where normal people would keep it;
(b) By the front door ready for use;
(c) In the kitchen, next to the microwave, because it's the obvious place for it to be!;
(d) In the back of my car, in the garage, in Bognor Regis, 12 miles away.
If you answered:
(a) You don't know me or my family at all. Normal people?
(b) You're thinking like me (scarily), but you have forgotten about my luck.
(c) You're clearly an avid reader on CATCOUK, and should get a life. However, you're also wrong, you remember the facts, but not the spirit.
(d) You're an evil person, but clearly understand exactly how my life works. Correct.
With that little spanner in the works, I had to go begging, and asked Dad to lend me his. God I love that car - I know why the police used Volvo estates. Very fast, and stick to the road like sh*t to a blanket. With that problem solved, onto the next one - staying awake through the meeting.
The chairman is great, and his reports are fine, and usually interesting to a degree. Our Chief of Staff is very... animated, and usually has a pretty lively report. Then we hit a brick wall, as we have to listen to the regional reports. Goodness me, could they be any more dull? I looked over at fellow Commander Ian, and he looked like he was in serious pain, gripping his face with boredom.
To finish the evening, we had a debate about the new cadet grades and classwork titles. There was a long discussion about the use of the term 'Seaman', and it may have made me giggle a little bit. The guys from London region (same who helped me get my car out of the harbour last month) looked at me, and told me to grow up. I'm sorry, these meetings just leave me drained!
ERNIE UPDATE: He's with W. Jones, but I haven't heard anything yet.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Even I'm not that sad (and that's saying something)
I was rudely awoken this morning at an unearthly hour (alright, it was 8.30, but I haven't got to get up!). Very loud music was playing for the car valet garage behind our house. I mean, VERY LOUD. Honestly, I would imagine half the neighbour-hood heard the mechanic's choice of music this morning.
I know that I sound like an old fart, but first thing in the morning? A little unnecessary I think. But worse still, was what was actually being played. After the music stopped, the show's host began to speak - it was only bloomin' Terry Wogan. Who in their right mind plays BBC Radio 2 at full volume, like a bad boy racer? Soon after Terry's dulcit tones started to waft accross the county, there was some shouting, and an abrupt stop to the radio. That's no way to treat a knight of the realm!
Anyways, as I said, even I'm not sad enough to listen to Radio 2 (unless it's the only thing my car radio will pick up), and I certainly would blast it out over the countryside. Having said that though, I did once drive through Arundel playing Classic FM at full volume - it just seemed appropriate...
ERNIE UPDATE: Make sure you're sitting down - I got the engine started! It came to be in a dream oddly, but I knew the engine would start if it was warm. I also knew the engine would be warm if I ciould get it started. Neither points very helpful. Putting my camping Trangia stove under the engine would probably do the trick, but I feared that the mixture of gas stove, naked flame, and a petrol engine would only end in a messy disaster.
So instead, I pushed the car around, and put the nose under the garage. Then I fished out my cheap Halogen site lamps (the kind that builders have, only mine were bought in Lidl), and focussed them on the engine. After two hours later at Gas Mark 4, the engine started straigh on the key! I was opptimisitc, but even I was amazed how well that worked. Mum thought it would never work, but once again, Ernie prooved her wrong. In Ernie we trust...
PS - It's all up to the genious of the mechanics at W. Jones of Bognor now. Keep praying that it's a cheap simple fix, or it's not going to happen...
I know that I sound like an old fart, but first thing in the morning? A little unnecessary I think. But worse still, was what was actually being played. After the music stopped, the show's host began to speak - it was only bloomin' Terry Wogan. Who in their right mind plays BBC Radio 2 at full volume, like a bad boy racer? Soon after Terry's dulcit tones started to waft accross the county, there was some shouting, and an abrupt stop to the radio. That's no way to treat a knight of the realm!
Anyways, as I said, even I'm not sad enough to listen to Radio 2 (unless it's the only thing my car radio will pick up), and I certainly would blast it out over the countryside. Having said that though, I did once drive through Arundel playing Classic FM at full volume - it just seemed appropriate...
ERNIE UPDATE: Make sure you're sitting down - I got the engine started! It came to be in a dream oddly, but I knew the engine would start if it was warm. I also knew the engine would be warm if I ciould get it started. Neither points very helpful. Putting my camping Trangia stove under the engine would probably do the trick, but I feared that the mixture of gas stove, naked flame, and a petrol engine would only end in a messy disaster.
So instead, I pushed the car around, and put the nose under the garage. Then I fished out my cheap Halogen site lamps (the kind that builders have, only mine were bought in Lidl), and focussed them on the engine. After two hours later at Gas Mark 4, the engine started straigh on the key! I was opptimisitc, but even I was amazed how well that worked. Mum thought it would never work, but once again, Ernie prooved her wrong. In Ernie we trust...
PS - It's all up to the genious of the mechanics at W. Jones of Bognor now. Keep praying that it's a cheap simple fix, or it's not going to happen...
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
I've been a bad monkey
It wasn't all my fault, but I admit to being in a somewhat hilarious mood yesterday evening. I may have contributed to the most farcical regional meeting I have ever attended. It took twenty minutes for Stuart (the usual primary cause of farce) to give his unit report. This was mainly caused by us laughing over me reporting that someone we know may have developed narcolepsy (where the person falls asleep at random). I know that we are both going to hell for it, and it is far less funny for those afflicated with this problem. Sorry nacoleptic people.
After that, the evening didn't get much better. I received a text from the bandmaster saying that no-one had left her a key, so she, and the rest of the band were all locked out. My CO and I dodn't find that very funny (all I could think was 'Oh bu*ger'), but everyone else did. Sorry Tyler.
The meeting was finally destroyed when I got the third and final CO, and my good friend, Graham in creases when I commented on the raffle ticket design for Founder's Day. He had written some spoof prizes, but I looked at the top prize and was just reminded of that old gameshow, Bullseye (you know, Jim Bowen, Darts, '...and Bulley's special prize', and all that). I muttered to Graham in a strong northern accent (sorry if you don't get the reference) 'Oh, it's anoother speed boot'. Sorry Graham, and everyone else at the meeting.
To be honest, it's not my fault that I'm in a good mood for a change. Put it down to some text messages that I have been receiving lately, many of them to do with NTC. Apparently my paperwork system is useful (although that's not nearly half the reason for my good mood).
ERNIE UPDATE: After telling the garage yesterday to expect him, he still hasn't started. He came pretty close to day, and at one point I thought I had him. But no, no ignition. I have his engine wrapped in hession sacks to try and warm it up, in the hopes of success tomorrow. I'm not going to hold my breath though - the battery's getting pretty flat now...
After that, the evening didn't get much better. I received a text from the bandmaster saying that no-one had left her a key, so she, and the rest of the band were all locked out. My CO and I dodn't find that very funny (all I could think was 'Oh bu*ger'), but everyone else did. Sorry Tyler.
The meeting was finally destroyed when I got the third and final CO, and my good friend, Graham in creases when I commented on the raffle ticket design for Founder's Day. He had written some spoof prizes, but I looked at the top prize and was just reminded of that old gameshow, Bullseye (you know, Jim Bowen, Darts, '...and Bulley's special prize', and all that). I muttered to Graham in a strong northern accent (sorry if you don't get the reference) 'Oh, it's anoother speed boot'. Sorry Graham, and everyone else at the meeting.
To be honest, it's not my fault that I'm in a good mood for a change. Put it down to some text messages that I have been receiving lately, many of them to do with NTC. Apparently my paperwork system is useful (although that's not nearly half the reason for my good mood).
ERNIE UPDATE: After telling the garage yesterday to expect him, he still hasn't started. He came pretty close to day, and at one point I thought I had him. But no, no ignition. I have his engine wrapped in hession sacks to try and warm it up, in the hopes of success tomorrow. I'm not going to hold my breath though - the battery's getting pretty flat now...
Monday, January 26, 2009
Oh, the savage wheels of fate...
As you will all know by this point, Ernie is far from well (more news on that in a mo), and now my bike is playing up. I realised that my bike wasn't starting, although I still had lights. I was having to jump start the bike all the time. It could have been two problems: for about £30, a daed battery; for over £100 the charging system was knackered. Well, on my way to NTC on Friday, I found out. Was it the cheap battery problem. Of course not, otherwise the engine running would have kept the lights on, instead of them dying two roundabouts after leaving my house.
Further to this run of bad luck, I was supposed to be meeting someone after NTC. Although it was much worse for her I'm sure, it was my luck that caused it no doubt. She was involved in a car crash, and had spent most the day in A&E with whiplash. Splendid. We arranged to meet the following night, but her friends (who she was babysitting for) were two hours late back, sinking that plan (no doubt they had also had some kind of crash, or flat tyre or something unlucky). What did I do to deserve all of this bad luck to come to my friends and I? Answers on a postcard please...
ERNIE UPDATE: After several hours under the bonnet, I can confirm that I have restored main power, and all electrical systems are go! Don't get your hopes though, because there is still an underlying ignition problem, and I haven't been able to start him in two days! Even with a bump start.
I told the garage to expect casualties, and explained the problem. I've checked all that Mr. Haynes Manual (I think he's Spanish) and I can think of, but no joy. W. Jones (the Gods of garages) asked when they could see Ernie, and I replied 'Yes, when I can get hims started, and over to you!'. So keep praying everyone, we need it now more than ever!
Perhaps the spark has gone from our relationship... (sorry, an engineering pun to finish on there)
Further to this run of bad luck, I was supposed to be meeting someone after NTC. Although it was much worse for her I'm sure, it was my luck that caused it no doubt. She was involved in a car crash, and had spent most the day in A&E with whiplash. Splendid. We arranged to meet the following night, but her friends (who she was babysitting for) were two hours late back, sinking that plan (no doubt they had also had some kind of crash, or flat tyre or something unlucky). What did I do to deserve all of this bad luck to come to my friends and I? Answers on a postcard please...
ERNIE UPDATE: After several hours under the bonnet, I can confirm that I have restored main power, and all electrical systems are go! Don't get your hopes though, because there is still an underlying ignition problem, and I haven't been able to start him in two days! Even with a bump start.
I told the garage to expect casualties, and explained the problem. I've checked all that Mr. Haynes Manual (I think he's Spanish) and I can think of, but no joy. W. Jones (the Gods of garages) asked when they could see Ernie, and I replied 'Yes, when I can get hims started, and over to you!'. So keep praying everyone, we need it now more than ever!
Perhaps the spark has gone from our relationship... (sorry, an engineering pun to finish on there)
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Try and explain this!
Today has been yet another bad day, in what is turning out to be a bad week. Yesterday, Ernie's electrical system completely failed. Nothing was working. Then I had to work in the evening, worrying about Ernie. Then, to finish it all off, last night, I nearly upset someone I care about. Today, in the p*ssing rain, I had to go to the funeral of one of my fellow Lions members. I hate funerals in the rain. I especially hate it when I have to attend the funeral looking bedragled like a drowned rat, because I had to go on the bike. Still could be worse. At least Eric (my bike) is still running...
Woops spoke to soon. On the way home, I had to fill Eric up with petrol, and it appears that my battery has completely died. So, despite owning two vehicles, I don't actually own one that works!
But there is light at the end of the tunnel. As you know, Ernie's electrical systems were completely dead - nothing worked. But I sat in him today, just hoping and praying, everything was working! How is that possible? I haven't done anything to him, he has just started to repair himself! Obviously things are still not right. The ignition system won't work (other than to make an ugly clicking noise), and I'm pretty sure the rev counter shouldn't read 8000 when the main beam lights are switched on.
I have no idea what has happenned, but at least there is some sign of life! Thank you to those of you who have been praying for him. Also, thanks to Bill Vincent, who has said that Ernie's heart may be broken, as he might have fallen in love with 'beautiful Renault', or a 'silky Peugeot'. I needed a laugh, thanks Bill.
Woops spoke to soon. On the way home, I had to fill Eric up with petrol, and it appears that my battery has completely died. So, despite owning two vehicles, I don't actually own one that works!
But there is light at the end of the tunnel. As you know, Ernie's electrical systems were completely dead - nothing worked. But I sat in him today, just hoping and praying, everything was working! How is that possible? I haven't done anything to him, he has just started to repair himself! Obviously things are still not right. The ignition system won't work (other than to make an ugly clicking noise), and I'm pretty sure the rev counter shouldn't read 8000 when the main beam lights are switched on.
I have no idea what has happenned, but at least there is some sign of life! Thank you to those of you who have been praying for him. Also, thanks to Bill Vincent, who has said that Ernie's heart may be broken, as he might have fallen in love with 'beautiful Renault', or a 'silky Peugeot'. I needed a laugh, thanks Bill.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
You heard it here first
It has been announced that a CATCOUK project has been delayed due to some technical errors. After three years, Ernie the Escort has finally refused to start. It is thought that a recent trip to Grenoble may have something to do with the electrical failure.
Production was suspended today on the completion of CATCOUK's new video, 'Wish You Were Here (instead of me)'. After returning from a 1400 mile round trip to Grenoble, one of the main stars, Ernie the Escort developed some ignition difficulties. The 22 year old Ford GL Estate has been owned by Mr Andy Clarke for just over three years, and has never let him down yet.
Unconfirmed reports are saying that the little estate car may finally have died completely. Eye-witnesses say that a large spark was seen arking across the engine bay near the battery, during an attempt to start the motor. Since that incident, nothing has been seen from the car, and no signs of any of the electrics working have been observed. Sources close to Mr. Clarke are calling this a complete failure of the primary and secondary electrical systems, and some are saying that this is the darkest day in CATCOUK history.
The issue has been further complicated, by the level of breakdown cover held by Mr Clarke not covering home starts and recovery. Apparently, Mr. Clarke has been heard to say that this problem is only solveable by the car's long-term garage W. Jones of Bognor, a full 12 miles away. We have attempted to get a quote from Mr. Clarke, and all we have received back is 'Oh Cock.'
In an official statement from CATCOUK, readers have been asked to pray to whatever God or higher being they believe in (yes Todd Warner, Nick Draper, and Chuck Norris do count), and just hope that this situation can be overcome.
Production was suspended today on the completion of CATCOUK's new video, 'Wish You Were Here (instead of me)'. After returning from a 1400 mile round trip to Grenoble, one of the main stars, Ernie the Escort developed some ignition difficulties. The 22 year old Ford GL Estate has been owned by Mr Andy Clarke for just over three years, and has never let him down yet.
Unconfirmed reports are saying that the little estate car may finally have died completely. Eye-witnesses say that a large spark was seen arking across the engine bay near the battery, during an attempt to start the motor. Since that incident, nothing has been seen from the car, and no signs of any of the electrics working have been observed. Sources close to Mr. Clarke are calling this a complete failure of the primary and secondary electrical systems, and some are saying that this is the darkest day in CATCOUK history.
The issue has been further complicated, by the level of breakdown cover held by Mr Clarke not covering home starts and recovery. Apparently, Mr. Clarke has been heard to say that this problem is only solveable by the car's long-term garage W. Jones of Bognor, a full 12 miles away. We have attempted to get a quote from Mr. Clarke, and all we have received back is 'Oh Cock.'
In an official statement from CATCOUK, readers have been asked to pray to whatever God or higher being they believe in (yes Todd Warner, Nick Draper, and Chuck Norris do count), and just hope that this situation can be overcome.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Just another thing to add to Ernie's abilities
I love my 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate in Champagne Gold, but Ernie the Escort surpassed even my expectations this week. As you may know, I have been away for a week, in the French Alpes. This was not through choice, but for research with University. I did find out that I hate skiing though...
Something else I hate, almost as much as skiing, is flying. I'm not scared of it, it just bores me. So instead of paying £100 for the 2 hour flight to Grenoble, I paid alot more to drive there! Honestly, I knew that Ernie would get there and back, but I hadn't counted on just how easily he'd do it. Over 1400 miles of driving, and not so much as a splutter. Okay, after a week of being parked at Grenoble-Isere airport he didn't start straight away, but he did start without assistance. and on the way home, we ripped through France to catch an earlier ferry, at speeds of between 80 and 100 (for legal reasons, those speeds are in kph)! I would never have though it possible for Ernie to keep those sorts of speeds up for 7 hours straight.
As if that didn't beat it all, I also found out that the other car that drove out there wouldn't start to get off of the ferry. When you consider that the other car is 15 years newer than Ernie, that's quite an achievement. Furthermore, driving a route that should take 7h 33m in a little over 7 hours is pretty impressive.
Lastly, in a final rasp to all of those who doubted my car's abilities, after 11.5 hours of driving yesterday, I arrived home at 1.30am, and I didn't have any aches or pains, and I felt that I could have driven another 700 miles (as I'm sure Ernie would have done - he just loves eating up the miles!). I defy anyone to find a better, more reliable, more able car for £300!
To date, Ernie has been an off-road continental cruising ambulance taxi sports cruiser. That's quite a job description!
Something else I hate, almost as much as skiing, is flying. I'm not scared of it, it just bores me. So instead of paying £100 for the 2 hour flight to Grenoble, I paid alot more to drive there! Honestly, I knew that Ernie would get there and back, but I hadn't counted on just how easily he'd do it. Over 1400 miles of driving, and not so much as a splutter. Okay, after a week of being parked at Grenoble-Isere airport he didn't start straight away, but he did start without assistance. and on the way home, we ripped through France to catch an earlier ferry, at speeds of between 80 and 100 (for legal reasons, those speeds are in kph)! I would never have though it possible for Ernie to keep those sorts of speeds up for 7 hours straight.
As if that didn't beat it all, I also found out that the other car that drove out there wouldn't start to get off of the ferry. When you consider that the other car is 15 years newer than Ernie, that's quite an achievement. Furthermore, driving a route that should take 7h 33m in a little over 7 hours is pretty impressive.
Lastly, in a final rasp to all of those who doubted my car's abilities, after 11.5 hours of driving yesterday, I arrived home at 1.30am, and I didn't have any aches or pains, and I felt that I could have driven another 700 miles (as I'm sure Ernie would have done - he just loves eating up the miles!). I defy anyone to find a better, more reliable, more able car for £300!
To date, Ernie has been an off-road continental cruising ambulance taxi sports cruiser. That's quite a job description!
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
I told you, you can always rely on Ernie...
I was overjoyed yesterday, when I had to pick my beloved 1986 Ford Escort up from the garage. W. Jones of Bognor, who I stand by as being the best garage in the world, serviced my car, made some other adaptions that I had requested, and all fof just over £100. I haveb't had a garage service bill that's been under £200 for gould knows how long. And that includes servicing costs for the bike as well!
In a time when I am spending a ridiculous amount of money on skiing trip that I don't want to go on, my car brings it home, with a cheap garage bill. Well, I'm sure the garage had something to do with it as well. Thanks guys.
As I left, Dave, the regular guy had gone home, but I asked one of his mechanics: 'What do you think? Will it make it to Grenoble?'
The man looked back at me, thought about the question, and then replied 'Well, it might do...' That's a high praise. Grenoble here we come!
In a time when I am spending a ridiculous amount of money on skiing trip that I don't want to go on, my car brings it home, with a cheap garage bill. Well, I'm sure the garage had something to do with it as well. Thanks guys.
As I left, Dave, the regular guy had gone home, but I asked one of his mechanics: 'What do you think? Will it make it to Grenoble?'
The man looked back at me, thought about the question, and then replied 'Well, it might do...' That's a high praise. Grenoble here we come!
Monday, January 05, 2009
Longing for Lanzarote
As I drove my motorbike through Bognor this morning (through the cold and sleet), I realised that it was two years ago that our degree group had all met up at Gatwick airport to go on a two week trip to Lanzarote. If you've been a regular reader that long (not that I'm sure that there are any left), yes, it really has been two years since I was taken prisoner by the Lanzarote police, and subsequently escaped with the aide of my friend Michael, and went into hiding suing a gyrocopter.
Seriously though, it was the best vacation (and two weeks) that I have ever had. It annoys me slightly that I know that I will never have such a great holiday again (how can I - two weeks with 30 of the greatest people I have ever known, in a perfect paradise of fun?). But it annoys me even more that I have got to go to the Alpes to face certain injury and peril, and sore knees, and back in just four days! Oh, I wish we were going to Lanzarote instead. Although having said that, I wish we were going anywhere instead (except another ski resort, that would kind of make my point redundant...).
Incidentally, I was riding through Bognor to drop Ernie's car keys off at the garage (God bless W. Jones) so thay he could be serviced in preparation for the 1500 mile throp that awaits...
Seriously though, it was the best vacation (and two weeks) that I have ever had. It annoys me slightly that I know that I will never have such a great holiday again (how can I - two weeks with 30 of the greatest people I have ever known, in a perfect paradise of fun?). But it annoys me even more that I have got to go to the Alpes to face certain injury and peril, and sore knees, and back in just four days! Oh, I wish we were going to Lanzarote instead. Although having said that, I wish we were going anywhere instead (except another ski resort, that would kind of make my point redundant...).
Incidentally, I was riding through Bognor to drop Ernie's car keys off at the garage (God bless W. Jones) so thay he could be serviced in preparation for the 1500 mile throp that awaits...
Friday, January 02, 2009
Happy New Year
Happy New Year everyone. How did you all spend New Year's Eve? Down the pub? 'Round friends houses? At great big parties? I wasted my day learning to ski, and then driving home from Milton Keynes. I've learnt several things.
1. There are not many cars anywhere near as old as Ernie that travel on motorways (the oldest I saw was a 1993 L reg, 7 years newer than my car)
2. I hate skiing.
3. Driving on motorways is the most boring way to spend New Year's Eve.
4. I hate skiing.
5. I am going to be injured in the Alpes when I have to ski for a week.
6. I hate skiing.
7. I can't ski very well, and next week is going to be a disaster.
8. I hate skiing.
9. I really don't like skiing, and I would much rather go to Lanzartote again than the Alpes.
That just about covers the basics. Add to all of those the fact that I don't like skiing, and I think you can see why I might be worried about going to the Alpes for a week to carry out research with Uni. Most people would worry about whether my 22 year old Escort is going to make it accross the continent, but I know that is the one certainty on this trip. Well, that, and the fact I'm going to end up in Hospital.
PS - There are not many people who will give you European Breakdown cover on a car older than 15 years old. Thank goodness for the RAC and the AA!
1. There are not many cars anywhere near as old as Ernie that travel on motorways (the oldest I saw was a 1993 L reg, 7 years newer than my car)
2. I hate skiing.
3. Driving on motorways is the most boring way to spend New Year's Eve.
4. I hate skiing.
5. I am going to be injured in the Alpes when I have to ski for a week.
6. I hate skiing.
7. I can't ski very well, and next week is going to be a disaster.
8. I hate skiing.
9. I really don't like skiing, and I would much rather go to Lanzartote again than the Alpes.
That just about covers the basics. Add to all of those the fact that I don't like skiing, and I think you can see why I might be worried about going to the Alpes for a week to carry out research with Uni. Most people would worry about whether my 22 year old Escort is going to make it accross the continent, but I know that is the one certainty on this trip. Well, that, and the fact I'm going to end up in Hospital.
PS - There are not many people who will give you European Breakdown cover on a car older than 15 years old. Thank goodness for the RAC and the AA!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Multi-purpose vehicle
Today, my long lasting, ever-able car found another use. My beloved 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate in champagne gold has almost reached legendary status. Not only do you all know who Ernie the Escort is (unless you a new reader, in which case, welcome), but so does just about everyone in my social circles. In fact, if you search Google for Ernie the Escort, he is the first result, and the first two image results.
Since buying my car for £300 in 2005, my car has risen to every challenge thrown at it. It has been a mini(mini)bus, a van, a long range kayak transporter, a mountain driving car, an off-roader, an ambulance, a police car (albeit only in videos), a band car, and very nearly a submarine (see a post from a few weeks back). But today, Ernie become something else: a break-down recovery towing vehicle.
My slightly mad Uncle had to get rid of his wife's car, down to a scrap dealer. It had been sitting so long that it wouldn't start, and the brakes were ceased. So, using my car (and the tow rope I always have with me) I heaved the car off of it's ceased brakes. Then I towed the car for a while. As we were driving along, every now and then, my Uncle's car became very heavy. Why? Was Ernie finally giving up? No, my mad Uncle was trying 'bump starting' the car as we drove along. It worked, but I swear that my clutch has never smelt like that before...
As it turns out, my car will soon be something else soon. A continental cruiser. We are being forced to go to the Alpes in a few weeks, and in an effort to travel cheap (and for me to find some enjoyment) we're driving. In Ernie. Yes, my 22 year old Escort will be covering over 700 miles to Grenoble in Southern France. If anyone wants to leave a snide comment about breaking down, don't bother. 1 - I am 100% sure that we're going to get all the way there, and all the way back. 2 - I've already heard them all. Thanks friends and family for all your faith...
Since buying my car for £300 in 2005, my car has risen to every challenge thrown at it. It has been a mini(mini)bus, a van, a long range kayak transporter, a mountain driving car, an off-roader, an ambulance, a police car (albeit only in videos), a band car, and very nearly a submarine (see a post from a few weeks back). But today, Ernie become something else: a break-down recovery towing vehicle.
My slightly mad Uncle had to get rid of his wife's car, down to a scrap dealer. It had been sitting so long that it wouldn't start, and the brakes were ceased. So, using my car (and the tow rope I always have with me) I heaved the car off of it's ceased brakes. Then I towed the car for a while. As we were driving along, every now and then, my Uncle's car became very heavy. Why? Was Ernie finally giving up? No, my mad Uncle was trying 'bump starting' the car as we drove along. It worked, but I swear that my clutch has never smelt like that before...
As it turns out, my car will soon be something else soon. A continental cruiser. We are being forced to go to the Alpes in a few weeks, and in an effort to travel cheap (and for me to find some enjoyment) we're driving. In Ernie. Yes, my 22 year old Escort will be covering over 700 miles to Grenoble in Southern France. If anyone wants to leave a snide comment about breaking down, don't bother. 1 - I am 100% sure that we're going to get all the way there, and all the way back. 2 - I've already heard them all. Thanks friends and family for all your faith...
Friday, December 19, 2008
Oh good, it's Christmas. Again...
There are some people at there that this year believe I have developed a dislike of Christmas. Whilst I freely admit that Christmas isn't the happiest time of year for me, I don't hate it. The majority of my friends are elsewhere (and this year, with Michael in Wales, I think I can say that all of my friends are elsewhere), I guess that I just feel a bit lonely. Add in the fact that for two weeks, I have nothing to do (NTC is closed, and I admit to missing them, no Uni, and not much to get out of bed for), and I am locked in a house with my family. Are you seeing my point? I love Christmas, but when it's time to go and buy that Christmas tree, it's generally an early warning system being switched on in my head that two weeks of misery approaches.
But I do believe in the good that Christmas has to offer. At this time of the year, Lancing and Sompting Lions club (of which I am a member) go around my home town of Lancing with Santa, on a brightly lit sleigh, towed by another of our member's old Rover, playing loud Christmas tunes. For someone who truely hates Christmas, I imagine that it is hell on Earth. But I actually quite enjoy. Despite having the wonderful Chavs of Lancing lauching rocks at us, and old gits shouting at us (we just say 'Merry Christmas' extra loudly to them...), we go out in the cold, and knock on doors, and rattle tins. Although it brings in over £2000 a year, I enjoy it to see the small children smile at Santa. Soppy I know, but proof I hope, that I don't hate Christmas.
On a side note, you have not lived until you have ridden in the back on an old trailer (I mean sleigh), towed by an old Rover at 30mph along the A27, with the sound system set to inappropriately loud, playing that tune that goes: 'Hallelujah! HALLELUJAH! Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Halle-hey, Lujah!' Please imagine me singing that, I think it makes for better imagery...
Merry Christmas from CATCOUK (if I don't manage to post again before Thursday). Incidentally, just 5 shoplifting days left until that special day...
But I do believe in the good that Christmas has to offer. At this time of the year, Lancing and Sompting Lions club (of which I am a member) go around my home town of Lancing with Santa, on a brightly lit sleigh, towed by another of our member's old Rover, playing loud Christmas tunes. For someone who truely hates Christmas, I imagine that it is hell on Earth. But I actually quite enjoy. Despite having the wonderful Chavs of Lancing lauching rocks at us, and old gits shouting at us (we just say 'Merry Christmas' extra loudly to them...), we go out in the cold, and knock on doors, and rattle tins. Although it brings in over £2000 a year, I enjoy it to see the small children smile at Santa. Soppy I know, but proof I hope, that I don't hate Christmas.
On a side note, you have not lived until you have ridden in the back on an old trailer (I mean sleigh), towed by an old Rover at 30mph along the A27, with the sound system set to inappropriately loud, playing that tune that goes: 'Hallelujah! HALLELUJAH! Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Halle-hey, Lujah!' Please imagine me singing that, I think it makes for better imagery...
Merry Christmas from CATCOUK (if I don't manage to post again before Thursday). Incidentally, just 5 shoplifting days left until that special day...
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Just setting the record straight
Whilst having a conversation recently, the topic of my nickname arrised. For those of you that don't know, I am known as Flora in some circles. Quite an unusual nickname for a heterosexual bloke like myself, and one that always causes questions. So here it is, the reason I ma known as Flora (well, as I understand it anyway)...
In the first few weeks of University in the first year is when nicknames start to appear. In our year group we have Batman, Gadget, Extreme Paul (later XP), Fella, 'Our Kes', Irish Kerry and so on. Around this time, people started to refer to me as Flora. Apparently, my need to help people, and constant offering of help and stuff had earned me a reputation as being a very pro-active person. At the time (and maybe still, I don't know) you could buy a margarine called Flora Pro-active. Hence the name, Flora.
Cheesy, I know, and at first it certainly felt a little odd. But I've grown to like it. Unlike Batman and Gadget, whose real names of Simon and James have been long forgotten, I've managed to keep mine. I guess that would be largely due to the fact that it's difficult to introduce myself. 'Hi my name's James, but my friends call me Gadget' works alright. 'Hi, my name's Andy, but you can call me Flora' sounds even weirder than I look.
So there you have it. Done.
I also want to just say that I am going to the Alpes in January. Whilst for many people this may seem like a fantastic opportunity, as the University trip gets closer, I am beginning to resent it, and worry about it even more. Worse still, because of the enormous expense involved, the trip is going to wipe out my savings, and possibly even put me in debt. I wouldn't mind so much, if it was actually something I wanted to do, or maybe was for the benefit of others. But it's not. Am I a bad person for hoping that some personal tradgey will befall me, and give me a good reason to not attend? Of course, as soon as the idea even hints in my mind, I remember that people do rely on me -
I am driving, in my car, the glorious 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate in champagne gold (Ernie) to Grenoble. Maybe that's the funniest thing you've ever heard, but only because you don't think my car's up to it. Rubbish. It's only a 1500 mile round trip. Ernie used to cover that in two weeks.
And on that note, I'd like to open up to comments from the floor. If you have another suggestion as to my nickname, please feel free to share it with us.
In the first few weeks of University in the first year is when nicknames start to appear. In our year group we have Batman, Gadget, Extreme Paul (later XP), Fella, 'Our Kes', Irish Kerry and so on. Around this time, people started to refer to me as Flora. Apparently, my need to help people, and constant offering of help and stuff had earned me a reputation as being a very pro-active person. At the time (and maybe still, I don't know) you could buy a margarine called Flora Pro-active. Hence the name, Flora.
Cheesy, I know, and at first it certainly felt a little odd. But I've grown to like it. Unlike Batman and Gadget, whose real names of Simon and James have been long forgotten, I've managed to keep mine. I guess that would be largely due to the fact that it's difficult to introduce myself. 'Hi my name's James, but my friends call me Gadget' works alright. 'Hi, my name's Andy, but you can call me Flora' sounds even weirder than I look.
So there you have it. Done.
I also want to just say that I am going to the Alpes in January. Whilst for many people this may seem like a fantastic opportunity, as the University trip gets closer, I am beginning to resent it, and worry about it even more. Worse still, because of the enormous expense involved, the trip is going to wipe out my savings, and possibly even put me in debt. I wouldn't mind so much, if it was actually something I wanted to do, or maybe was for the benefit of others. But it's not. Am I a bad person for hoping that some personal tradgey will befall me, and give me a good reason to not attend? Of course, as soon as the idea even hints in my mind, I remember that people do rely on me -
I am driving, in my car, the glorious 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate in champagne gold (Ernie) to Grenoble. Maybe that's the funniest thing you've ever heard, but only because you don't think my car's up to it. Rubbish. It's only a 1500 mile round trip. Ernie used to cover that in two weeks.
And on that note, I'd like to open up to comments from the floor. If you have another suggestion as to my nickname, please feel free to share it with us.
Friday, December 12, 2008
I don't know why he worries - it only cost the equivalent of 40 Ernies...
I know, I know, I haven't posted for a while. And it's not like I have a good excuse. Or even a crap excuse. I just couldn't be bothered - I've had a very lazy week, now that Uni is 'over' (although I still have a dissertation to be getting on with, and lots of things to be reading about ready for the Alpes).
Wednesday night, I received a phone call from 'Amy Mike'. Very confused (and obviously the name meant something when I put it in) I answered. The young lady asked me if I'd like to go and see a movie at the Brighton marina (all is looking up I guess you're thinking). Unfortunatly, it was my best friend, Michael's girlfriend. They and their neighbour were going to watch Transporter 3. Was their neighbour female - no.
Single female company asside, the movie was okay. The editor of Transporter 3 needs to be shot - I haven't seen poorly and fakely sped up film since TV shows of the late '70s! Also, I hope that the BBC and the producers of Top Gear have been paid for their creative input - we've seen BMX cycling in Budapest before, and vehicles being pulled out of the water and restarted (although it wasn't a Toyota pickup). To add insult to injury, the observant viewer will notice a copy of Top Gear magazine on the top shelf of the magazine rack in the petrol station...
[once again, no image - I still can't access my external hard drive - curse you Western Digital]
3 Escorts out of 5: not a bad movie, but just about worth seeing.
Lastly, to the title of my blog. Michael recently purchased a very nice Audi A4 2ltr sport diesel. Asside from using the fuel of the devil, the car is very nice. But despite costing 40 times what I paid for my classic special edition multi-purpose '86 Ford Escort, I ask you - should it take 20 minutes to park in an empty (yes I said empty) car park. Michael, I love you, but you really are a tart when it comes to parking. Just when he'd taken three attempts to park straight in the bay, Amy (his girlfriend) pointed out some muddy football marks on the wall next to the car. The parking process started again...
Wednesday night, I received a phone call from 'Amy Mike'. Very confused (and obviously the name meant something when I put it in) I answered. The young lady asked me if I'd like to go and see a movie at the Brighton marina (all is looking up I guess you're thinking). Unfortunatly, it was my best friend, Michael's girlfriend. They and their neighbour were going to watch Transporter 3. Was their neighbour female - no.
Single female company asside, the movie was okay. The editor of Transporter 3 needs to be shot - I haven't seen poorly and fakely sped up film since TV shows of the late '70s! Also, I hope that the BBC and the producers of Top Gear have been paid for their creative input - we've seen BMX cycling in Budapest before, and vehicles being pulled out of the water and restarted (although it wasn't a Toyota pickup). To add insult to injury, the observant viewer will notice a copy of Top Gear magazine on the top shelf of the magazine rack in the petrol station...
[once again, no image - I still can't access my external hard drive - curse you Western Digital]
3 Escorts out of 5: not a bad movie, but just about worth seeing.
Lastly, to the title of my blog. Michael recently purchased a very nice Audi A4 2ltr sport diesel. Asside from using the fuel of the devil, the car is very nice. But despite costing 40 times what I paid for my classic special edition multi-purpose '86 Ford Escort, I ask you - should it take 20 minutes to park in an empty (yes I said empty) car park. Michael, I love you, but you really are a tart when it comes to parking. Just when he'd taken three attempts to park straight in the bay, Amy (his girlfriend) pointed out some muddy football marks on the wall next to the car. The parking process started again...
Sunday, December 07, 2008
I didn't find it funny at the time
The Adventure Activities Director of the Corps, and responsible for the organisation's safety policies nearly parked his car in the wet bit of Shoreham Harbour today.
At least that's how I imagine the Corps magazine (if it was published regularly) would report the matter. I ran a conference and a training course today, and arrived at the centre to find ALOT of cars in the little road leading to the centre. I don't know what was going on, but it was busy. I backed down the lane (because you would never turn around), and went to park behind a van. I backed the car in, and then went to go forward and turn the car in behind the van. All sounds fair enough...
I should explain that this road runs directly next to Shoreham harbour's canal. What I hadn't noticed, is that unlike the the rest of the quayside, the quayside where I was parked suddenly cut in, and got narrower. From a distance, it looked straight, and the actual point where the quayside came in, was hidden from my view by my bonnet. So as I drove forward to go behind this van (and I think you can see where this is going), my front left tire found the gap and... CLUNK! 'Ah,' I said, 'that's not gone well' (or words similar to that, I forget the exact wording).
Fortunately, some of my friends from NTC's London region were there to help (and they even managed to contain their laughter). They got in the boot to counter balance the car, and Mark pushed from the front, whilst I put the car in reverse, and put the wheel full over. With the help of some of the centre's neighbours, Ernie crawled back onto the bank, and avoided going for a swim. I asked the guys if they had seen that James Bond movie, and explained that the Lotus had gone due to budget cuts...
The irony is, I was convinced I would end up in the drink this morning. It's a steep little road, and my driveway was very icy. Funny though, ice played no part in it. (I wish it had, at least then I's have an excuse other than being a muppet...).
At least that's how I imagine the Corps magazine (if it was published regularly) would report the matter. I ran a conference and a training course today, and arrived at the centre to find ALOT of cars in the little road leading to the centre. I don't know what was going on, but it was busy. I backed down the lane (because you would never turn around), and went to park behind a van. I backed the car in, and then went to go forward and turn the car in behind the van. All sounds fair enough...
I should explain that this road runs directly next to Shoreham harbour's canal. What I hadn't noticed, is that unlike the the rest of the quayside, the quayside where I was parked suddenly cut in, and got narrower. From a distance, it looked straight, and the actual point where the quayside came in, was hidden from my view by my bonnet. So as I drove forward to go behind this van (and I think you can see where this is going), my front left tire found the gap and... CLUNK! 'Ah,' I said, 'that's not gone well' (or words similar to that, I forget the exact wording).
Fortunately, some of my friends from NTC's London region were there to help (and they even managed to contain their laughter). They got in the boot to counter balance the car, and Mark pushed from the front, whilst I put the car in reverse, and put the wheel full over. With the help of some of the centre's neighbours, Ernie crawled back onto the bank, and avoided going for a swim. I asked the guys if they had seen that James Bond movie, and explained that the Lotus had gone due to budget cuts...
The irony is, I was convinced I would end up in the drink this morning. It's a steep little road, and my driveway was very icy. Funny though, ice played no part in it. (I wish it had, at least then I's have an excuse other than being a muppet...).
Saturday, December 06, 2008
She's got a PhD - yeah, in incompetence
Facebook readers will have been slightly mistified by a status I left up last night. Yesterday, I received an E-mail from a lecturer at University. She may well have a PhD, but she sure missed out on the common sense when they were handing it out. All semester, I have been saying that she's an eejit, but everyone else keeps telling me that I'm being harsh. Well, let's put it to a public vote:
She has missed three lectures on short notice, and she only had to present 6! Worst still, one of the lectures she cancelled was a rescheduled lecture that I travelled into Uni for, because she had cancelled it first time round! And to add further insult, she only cancelled that lecture after we had been waiting for twenty minutes, and got bored and phoned her office.
The E-mail I received contained the lecture notes of the lecture she failed to deliver. I got them Friday - not Monday when we should have had the lecture. Maybe this wouldn't be such an issue, if our exam wasn't this Monday! Still at least we got them before our exam, which I imagine was largely due to luck, and not because she realised...
Lastly, the main reason she had sent the E-mail (I guess the lecture notes were an after thought), she wants some help running some tests at a school. Money would be paid for assisstance, and even better, the school is near me! Just as I am about to reply, and say I'll do it, I look at the date. What day do you think this testing is happenning? That's right, the day of our exam. Well-f**k*ng-done.
So, what's your verdict. Is she: A. A idiot. B. A smart person (spelt S.M.R.T.) C. A dullard. D. A tard. or (in the interests of fairness) E. Someone vaguely intelligent.
Answers of a postcard please!
She has missed three lectures on short notice, and she only had to present 6! Worst still, one of the lectures she cancelled was a rescheduled lecture that I travelled into Uni for, because she had cancelled it first time round! And to add further insult, she only cancelled that lecture after we had been waiting for twenty minutes, and got bored and phoned her office.
The E-mail I received contained the lecture notes of the lecture she failed to deliver. I got them Friday - not Monday when we should have had the lecture. Maybe this wouldn't be such an issue, if our exam wasn't this Monday! Still at least we got them before our exam, which I imagine was largely due to luck, and not because she realised...
Lastly, the main reason she had sent the E-mail (I guess the lecture notes were an after thought), she wants some help running some tests at a school. Money would be paid for assisstance, and even better, the school is near me! Just as I am about to reply, and say I'll do it, I look at the date. What day do you think this testing is happenning? That's right, the day of our exam. Well-f**k*ng-done.
So, what's your verdict. Is she: A. A idiot. B. A smart person (spelt S.M.R.T.) C. A dullard. D. A tard. or (in the interests of fairness) E. Someone vaguely intelligent.
Answers of a postcard please!
Friday, December 05, 2008
Bloody Cliff Richard!
Christmas is fast approaching, whether I want to admit it or not. So I have managed to get alot of Christmas shopping done this week. Today, I had to get the last thing for my mother - a Cliff Richard CD. Now I'm certainly no expert, but I've seen adverts on the TV, and I was pretty sure he'd just released a new album.
I wondered in to HMV, and was confronted with row upon row upon row of CDs and DVDs. I buy a fair few DVDs, but I can't remember the last time I bought a CD. Being short on time, I swallowed my pride, and asked a shop assistant. Just as I approached a guy to ask, I suddenly felt very apprehensive. What self-respecting 21 year old guy is going to buy a Cliff Richard CD?
Feeling like some seedy bloke, looking for the adult videos, I approached the shop guy for help. Feeling like I should be wearing a long trench coat, a hat, and some sun glasses, I asked him where I could find a Cliff Richard CD. He walked me over to the area, and feeling like a filthy depraved pervert, I picked out Cliff's jolly, if not slightly gay face. Then with a fair ammount shame, I approached the counter, and purchased this disgusting CD, trying desperately to cover up the front cover. I shoved the CD in my bag, and quickly exited the shop.
Having gone through that ordeal, I proceeded to Mum's work, to help her out with something. You'll never guess what was sitting on her desk next to her CDE player - the same bloody Cliff Richard CD that I had just got from HMV (well not the same one, but you know what I mean). There was Cliff's smug (and slightly camp) face looking back at me, taunting me. Now I have to go back to HMV, and get a refund. Oh, the embarressment...
I wondered in to HMV, and was confronted with row upon row upon row of CDs and DVDs. I buy a fair few DVDs, but I can't remember the last time I bought a CD. Being short on time, I swallowed my pride, and asked a shop assistant. Just as I approached a guy to ask, I suddenly felt very apprehensive. What self-respecting 21 year old guy is going to buy a Cliff Richard CD?
Feeling like some seedy bloke, looking for the adult videos, I approached the shop guy for help. Feeling like I should be wearing a long trench coat, a hat, and some sun glasses, I asked him where I could find a Cliff Richard CD. He walked me over to the area, and feeling like a filthy depraved pervert, I picked out Cliff's jolly, if not slightly gay face. Then with a fair ammount shame, I approached the counter, and purchased this disgusting CD, trying desperately to cover up the front cover. I shoved the CD in my bag, and quickly exited the shop.
Having gone through that ordeal, I proceeded to Mum's work, to help her out with something. You'll never guess what was sitting on her desk next to her CDE player - the same bloody Cliff Richard CD that I had just got from HMV (well not the same one, but you know what I mean). There was Cliff's smug (and slightly camp) face looking back at me, taunting me. Now I have to go back to HMV, and get a refund. Oh, the embarressment...
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Normal service will now resume
Hello all. Just when you thought that you had got rid of me for good, I resurface like a bad smell, or that embarressing rash you got from an old wetsuit...
I have been a bit quiet of late, as I have had a metric sh*t ton of University work. 2500 words of the worst module on the face of the planet (Water Based Research), a 700 word poster of the worst subject of all time (Physiology - sorry JK, it's just not my thing), and 2800 words for Environments (despite being a pretty dull topic, this was my favourit module of the semester!!). So with that in mind, I hope you'kll appreciate that I didn't really feel like writing anything else.
Anyways, the horrors of water based research are now a dull and distant memory, and I have forgotten all that I had written on the physiology poster (thank god I wasn't asked any probing questions...). Many an amusing thing has happenned over the past few weeks, but I can't remember any of them. So you'll just have to settle for a quick message today.
The last time we did a poster presentation, I dressed uber-smartly in my best (and only) pin-stripe suit, and looked the business. No on else bothered with their attire, so I looked like a bit of a fruit. Today we had another poster presentation,a nd everyone else had dressed really smartly - we all really looked great. Well, I say we... I actually thought they were joking, so didn't make the effort. There were suits wondering about, and very smart looking people indeed.
I on the other hand went a little more casual. Suade jacket, and a cowboy hat. I was asked of I had recently discovered oil, or of I now owned a major leage US football team. It turns out, I just wasn't able to attend Wild West night at the bar on Monday, and I didn't want to miss out!!!
So once again, I ended up looking like a loon - but at least this time it was on purpose.
PS - Yeehaw!
I have been a bit quiet of late, as I have had a metric sh*t ton of University work. 2500 words of the worst module on the face of the planet (Water Based Research), a 700 word poster of the worst subject of all time (Physiology - sorry JK, it's just not my thing), and 2800 words for Environments (despite being a pretty dull topic, this was my favourit module of the semester!!). So with that in mind, I hope you'kll appreciate that I didn't really feel like writing anything else.
Anyways, the horrors of water based research are now a dull and distant memory, and I have forgotten all that I had written on the physiology poster (thank god I wasn't asked any probing questions...). Many an amusing thing has happenned over the past few weeks, but I can't remember any of them. So you'll just have to settle for a quick message today.
The last time we did a poster presentation, I dressed uber-smartly in my best (and only) pin-stripe suit, and looked the business. No on else bothered with their attire, so I looked like a bit of a fruit. Today we had another poster presentation,a nd everyone else had dressed really smartly - we all really looked great. Well, I say we... I actually thought they were joking, so didn't make the effort. There were suits wondering about, and very smart looking people indeed.
I on the other hand went a little more casual. Suade jacket, and a cowboy hat. I was asked of I had recently discovered oil, or of I now owned a major leage US football team. It turns out, I just wasn't able to attend Wild West night at the bar on Monday, and I didn't want to miss out!!!
So once again, I ended up looking like a loon - but at least this time it was on purpose.
PS - Yeehaw!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
That ws very... er... Starsky & Hutch
Yesterday, my friend Michael and I went and saw the new James Bond movie: Quantum of Solace. Absolutely fantastic movie, and a very good bond movie. They have managed to make a truly 'non-stop action' movie, but with a significant enough plot, that it's not just all about destroying Aston Martins, running across roof tops, or flying old planes over deserts. Anyone that doesn't see the plot is clearly an idiot. For me however, two major draw backs.
The production destroyed 14 Aston Martins. As such, you would expect to see it make up a major part of the movie. In fact, the Aston Martin doesn't feature after the second or third minute! 14 Astons destroyed for two or three minutes of film - that makes me angry. Secondly, despite having a really good title theme (which would be even better if the singers didn't open their mouths), the whole film has a crap soundtrack. The soundtrack makes a movie for me, and there was almost no soundtrack that made an impact.
[IMAGE MISSING, BECAUSE I CAN'T GET AT MY EXTERNAL HARD-DRIVE]
Overall, 4 Escorts out of 5: Fantastic film, but poor soundtrack usage and wasteful use of beautiful Aston Martins.
The film was great, as was catching with Michael. What wasn't great, was having to go in Michael's girlfriend's car - a purple Fiesta. Very nice for young ladies to be driving, but a bit... homosexual for two men. Despite travelling in the gay-mobile, I was even more upset by something else. Whenever we go out, I always look scruffy (having made no effort), and Michael looks great (often wearing a suit or a decent shirt). So, I decided to make an effort - even ironing a shirt. Michael had had the day off work, so looked as scruffy as I usually do. Bugger.
On the way home, in our gay mobile, we stopped at Brighton Asda to get some shopping. Michael and Amy needed some stuff, so Michael agreed to pick it up on the way home. Two men, in Brighton, in a gay car, shopping together (one of the me dressed in a decent shirt and leather jacket, the other a little scruffy). What would you think? As we finished at Asda, I was just about to get back into the car, when I said loudly 'Time to go back to our wives and girlfriends', thus dispelling all thoughts that we might be a bit... doors swinging the wrong way.
We did have fun in Asda though. Being very late, the shelves were being restacked. Boxes and roll-cages everywhere. One of the aisles was completely bloccked by a roll-cage on one side, and cardboard boxes on the other side. Never mind, I learnt all that I kow from Starsky & Hutch, and they were quite fond of barrelling through boxes - so that's what I did with the trolley (much to the amazement of the staff).
Lastly, in times of such financial crisis, it is important to find ways of saving money. As I was eating lunch yesterday, Holly pointed out some money-saving ideas that she found in her 'Love it' magazine. One idea was to spice up an old lampshade with... post-it notes! No fire hazard there I suppose.
Another idea was to save money on dinnr parties, by making your own after-dinner mints. Simply freeze a tube of fancy toothpaste, and slice it up. I immediately pointed out, that if they were left out of the freezer too long, the end result might be a bit... sloppy? Whilst I was telling Michael about this idea at the till in Asda's, the ladie next to us in the queue pointed out that the end result might also be a bit... frothy? Lastly, Michael looked at the mints for sale at the checkout. A fancy tube of toothpaste is probably going to cost more that a 39p packet of mints anyway - so the whole point of the exercise is wasted. I don't know why we bother.
The production destroyed 14 Aston Martins. As such, you would expect to see it make up a major part of the movie. In fact, the Aston Martin doesn't feature after the second or third minute! 14 Astons destroyed for two or three minutes of film - that makes me angry. Secondly, despite having a really good title theme (which would be even better if the singers didn't open their mouths), the whole film has a crap soundtrack. The soundtrack makes a movie for me, and there was almost no soundtrack that made an impact.
[IMAGE MISSING, BECAUSE I CAN'T GET AT MY EXTERNAL HARD-DRIVE]
Overall, 4 Escorts out of 5: Fantastic film, but poor soundtrack usage and wasteful use of beautiful Aston Martins.
The film was great, as was catching with Michael. What wasn't great, was having to go in Michael's girlfriend's car - a purple Fiesta. Very nice for young ladies to be driving, but a bit... homosexual for two men. Despite travelling in the gay-mobile, I was even more upset by something else. Whenever we go out, I always look scruffy (having made no effort), and Michael looks great (often wearing a suit or a decent shirt). So, I decided to make an effort - even ironing a shirt. Michael had had the day off work, so looked as scruffy as I usually do. Bugger.
On the way home, in our gay mobile, we stopped at Brighton Asda to get some shopping. Michael and Amy needed some stuff, so Michael agreed to pick it up on the way home. Two men, in Brighton, in a gay car, shopping together (one of the me dressed in a decent shirt and leather jacket, the other a little scruffy). What would you think? As we finished at Asda, I was just about to get back into the car, when I said loudly 'Time to go back to our wives and girlfriends', thus dispelling all thoughts that we might be a bit... doors swinging the wrong way.
We did have fun in Asda though. Being very late, the shelves were being restacked. Boxes and roll-cages everywhere. One of the aisles was completely bloccked by a roll-cage on one side, and cardboard boxes on the other side. Never mind, I learnt all that I kow from Starsky & Hutch, and they were quite fond of barrelling through boxes - so that's what I did with the trolley (much to the amazement of the staff).
Lastly, in times of such financial crisis, it is important to find ways of saving money. As I was eating lunch yesterday, Holly pointed out some money-saving ideas that she found in her 'Love it' magazine. One idea was to spice up an old lampshade with... post-it notes! No fire hazard there I suppose.
Another idea was to save money on dinnr parties, by making your own after-dinner mints. Simply freeze a tube of fancy toothpaste, and slice it up. I immediately pointed out, that if they were left out of the freezer too long, the end result might be a bit... sloppy? Whilst I was telling Michael about this idea at the till in Asda's, the ladie next to us in the queue pointed out that the end result might also be a bit... frothy? Lastly, Michael looked at the mints for sale at the checkout. A fancy tube of toothpaste is probably going to cost more that a 39p packet of mints anyway - so the whole point of the exercise is wasted. I don't know why we bother.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Working hard... well at Top Gear anyway...
Picture the scene. I was quietly sitting at my laptop on the quiet individual study floor of the library, at the desk by the window. It is a scene of complete calm and serenity. As I sat there at my laptop (glasses on for extra intelligence), two of my friends bounded up. At the moment we all have a metric crap ton (approximatly 1.65 imperial crap tonnes) of work to do. Holly and Kat had made alot of headway on the physiology assignment, whilst I had written the methodology for both physiology and water based. They had told me that they were going to put in a full hard days work today, and that they intended to do the same tommorrow. Fair play to them.
Now, as I was saying, they appeared at my desk, and it was 3.30. 'We're going back to my place to watch Jeremy Kyle,' said Holly.
'I thought that you said you were putting in a whole day's work today,' I replied somewhat bemused. I knew that I would be in the library until 6, having started at 10. After stating that they had put alot of effort in today, Kat went onto say that they'd be meeting early tomorrow.
'Well,' said Holly, '10.30 anyway.' To me, that's not early. A full days work is 9 to 5, maybe later! 5 hours is not a full days work. After having a good laugh, and turning down the invite to go and watch Jeremy Kyle with the two beautiful young ladies, they left (spending time with beautiful young ladies is good, watching Jeremy Kyle is bad - I think the two even out, so I'm not quite gay for not going with them [unless 'watch Jeremy Kyle with us' is a euphemism for something else... bugger, should look into that]).
Anyways, that left me free to get back on my laptop. And finish watching Top Gear on BBC iPlayer - now that's a full day's work...
Now, as I was saying, they appeared at my desk, and it was 3.30. 'We're going back to my place to watch Jeremy Kyle,' said Holly.
'I thought that you said you were putting in a whole day's work today,' I replied somewhat bemused. I knew that I would be in the library until 6, having started at 10. After stating that they had put alot of effort in today, Kat went onto say that they'd be meeting early tomorrow.
'Well,' said Holly, '10.30 anyway.' To me, that's not early. A full days work is 9 to 5, maybe later! 5 hours is not a full days work. After having a good laugh, and turning down the invite to go and watch Jeremy Kyle with the two beautiful young ladies, they left (spending time with beautiful young ladies is good, watching Jeremy Kyle is bad - I think the two even out, so I'm not quite gay for not going with them [unless 'watch Jeremy Kyle with us' is a euphemism for something else... bugger, should look into that]).
Anyways, that left me free to get back on my laptop. And finish watching Top Gear on BBC iPlayer - now that's a full day's work...
Friday, November 14, 2008
What now!?!?!?
It started off as a reasonable day. Late start at Uni = lay in! If only the day had continued so well...
I left the house for Uni at 12 (which spookily was about the time Thunderbirds finished on Sci-Fi), intent on finding some slide binders for the NTC safety regulations, and having a luxury McDonald's lunch (and people wonder why I'm not in a relationship, when I live such a high life). Bing bang bosh, arrive at Holly's house for 1. Nah. I went to Staples, Rymans, WHS Smith, and even Woolworths (I was desperate) looking for these damn slide binders. None big enough.
So, aggrevated with that, I rode off to McDonald's, and then waited the rest of time to buy a value meal. I walked in, and though 'yes, only three people in front of me'. Silly me. I kid you not, the 4 people at the desk ordering didn't change in 10 minutes. I don't have a clue what was going on. All that I know is that serving people they weren't. After 20 minutes, I eventually received my burger. Which was okay.
And onto to University, or not. I got stuck at the level crossing. I got stuck at the level crossing for just long enough to receive, read, and send a text, write my dissertation, produce an award winning novel, read the complete works of William Shakespeare, and invent a new form of theoretical quantum thermonuclear biodynamics. After all of that, the gates were still down. So, I restarted my engine, to go another way. Y'all know where this is going. I got 100 metres away, and , yes you've guessed it, the gates went up.
All this made my quite miserable. Still, doing 6 mph up the narrowest lane in the world always cheers me up. (for legal reasons, all speeds in this document have probably been changed by a factor of somewhere between 1 and 10, but for legal reasons, they may not have been - I think that clears everything up).
I left the house for Uni at 12 (which spookily was about the time Thunderbirds finished on Sci-Fi), intent on finding some slide binders for the NTC safety regulations, and having a luxury McDonald's lunch (and people wonder why I'm not in a relationship, when I live such a high life). Bing bang bosh, arrive at Holly's house for 1. Nah. I went to Staples, Rymans, WHS Smith, and even Woolworths (I was desperate) looking for these damn slide binders. None big enough.
So, aggrevated with that, I rode off to McDonald's, and then waited the rest of time to buy a value meal. I walked in, and though 'yes, only three people in front of me'. Silly me. I kid you not, the 4 people at the desk ordering didn't change in 10 minutes. I don't have a clue what was going on. All that I know is that serving people they weren't. After 20 minutes, I eventually received my burger. Which was okay.
And onto to University, or not. I got stuck at the level crossing. I got stuck at the level crossing for just long enough to receive, read, and send a text, write my dissertation, produce an award winning novel, read the complete works of William Shakespeare, and invent a new form of theoretical quantum thermonuclear biodynamics. After all of that, the gates were still down. So, I restarted my engine, to go another way. Y'all know where this is going. I got 100 metres away, and , yes you've guessed it, the gates went up.
All this made my quite miserable. Still, doing 6 mph up the narrowest lane in the world always cheers me up. (for legal reasons, all speeds in this document have probably been changed by a factor of somewhere between 1 and 10, but for legal reasons, they may not have been - I think that clears everything up).
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Something more interesting (and a trip to the zoo)
More interesting, you say. You also want another mention. Well you're just not going to get it.
Firstly, a bit of scandle at University. One of my friends (Holly, I gave you a name mention) is a warden of one of the halls of residence. We have lunch together on Wednesday's, and I meet many of her residents. As Holly is the warden, all problems get reported to her. One of her residents came in, looking a little embarresed. 'My bed is broken' she said. Before all of your filthy minds race (as mine did), she explained that it's been dodgy since she moved in, and that as she sat down on it, one of the legs finally broke. To complete the scandle, her boyfriend, one of Holly's housemates, and also a presenter of Top Gear (he's a lot taller in real life), came in later, and admitted that the bed had 'definately got worse'.
I also went to a zoo this evening. I have been told that the last time I attended a meeting, my comments on this blog may have been rather... close to the knuckle. Well, it was a public meeting. But my trip to the zoo wasn't. So I can't make any amusing comments about how all the animals were fighting with each other. Apparently, some of the animals have been fighting the same arguments for years. I thought Darwin's theory of evolution said that one would finally come out on top, and survive, but many of these animals were old. In fact, maybe it's less of a zoo, and more Jarassic Park?
Anyway, the zoo keeper stopped many of the fights, and I only spent a short time there. It would have finished earlier, but I opened a can of worms to add to the zoo, and the zoo keeper had to have a severe talk. Unfortunatly, it was to one of my more favourite animals (and I am fond of several of them). There was also quite a vicious attack from one of the slothes (it's amazing what energy they can find, and how much trouble they can cause), and several of us did do our best to defend the victim from the attack. I just have to wonder what animal I will turn into, if I keep going to the zoo?
I think I coped with that well, and hopefully been entertaining as well. If you'd like to complain, please send your complaint in full to the BBC (they're getting quite good at receiving complaints...).
Firstly, a bit of scandle at University. One of my friends (Holly, I gave you a name mention) is a warden of one of the halls of residence. We have lunch together on Wednesday's, and I meet many of her residents. As Holly is the warden, all problems get reported to her. One of her residents came in, looking a little embarresed. 'My bed is broken' she said. Before all of your filthy minds race (as mine did), she explained that it's been dodgy since she moved in, and that as she sat down on it, one of the legs finally broke. To complete the scandle, her boyfriend, one of Holly's housemates, and also a presenter of Top Gear (he's a lot taller in real life), came in later, and admitted that the bed had 'definately got worse'.
I also went to a zoo this evening. I have been told that the last time I attended a meeting, my comments on this blog may have been rather... close to the knuckle. Well, it was a public meeting. But my trip to the zoo wasn't. So I can't make any amusing comments about how all the animals were fighting with each other. Apparently, some of the animals have been fighting the same arguments for years. I thought Darwin's theory of evolution said that one would finally come out on top, and survive, but many of these animals were old. In fact, maybe it's less of a zoo, and more Jarassic Park?
Anyway, the zoo keeper stopped many of the fights, and I only spent a short time there. It would have finished earlier, but I opened a can of worms to add to the zoo, and the zoo keeper had to have a severe talk. Unfortunatly, it was to one of my more favourite animals (and I am fond of several of them). There was also quite a vicious attack from one of the slothes (it's amazing what energy they can find, and how much trouble they can cause), and several of us did do our best to defend the victim from the attack. I just have to wonder what animal I will turn into, if I keep going to the zoo?
I think I coped with that well, and hopefully been entertaining as well. If you'd like to complain, please send your complaint in full to the BBC (they're getting quite good at receiving complaints...).
Dull, dull, dull, dull, dull...
And once again I find myself writing a blog post instead of actually doing some work. You would not believe how dull my life is at the moment. No, even duller than what you think. Worst still, it's November, and I'm beginning to notice that I get miserable every November. So not only am I leading the world's dullest life right now, but I'm also feeling grumpy and miserable.
But in other news, I found out that my University, and the barmy people/ homosexuals from the art and dance and music department, are putting on an 18 hour non-stop performance. Firstly, who in their right mind would agree to that? Secondly, who in their right mind would watch that? As you all read my blog, I guess you're the kind of person who may want to watch it, so here's the link: www.chi.ac.uk/vexations. If that wasn't odd enough, it says that the performance is being directed by world famous concert pianist such and such, Head of keyboard at the university. I don't know about you, but I find two things odd. If he's a world famous concert pianist (I have images of a huge grand piano), why is he only head of keyboard? Keyboard! Also, if he's so great, why is he directing, and not playing a keyboard or piano or something?
I told you my life was dull. (although I did get one assignment done yesterday, now making 2 out of 5)
But in other news, I found out that my University, and the barmy people/ homosexuals from the art and dance and music department, are putting on an 18 hour non-stop performance. Firstly, who in their right mind would agree to that? Secondly, who in their right mind would watch that? As you all read my blog, I guess you're the kind of person who may want to watch it, so here's the link: www.chi.ac.uk/vexations. If that wasn't odd enough, it says that the performance is being directed by world famous concert pianist such and such, Head of keyboard at the university. I don't know about you, but I find two things odd. If he's a world famous concert pianist (I have images of a huge grand piano), why is he only head of keyboard? Keyboard! Also, if he's so great, why is he directing, and not playing a keyboard or piano or something?
I told you my life was dull. (although I did get one assignment done yesterday, now making 2 out of 5)
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
I think that might have been a mistoke...
Sally hew clanging lust obe latter on tach ward teally corks un that I an prying bo ray! Tor examtle, 'string winds' instoad if 'strong winds'. Thunks tor mointing thet oot Sian.
Just a quick brain-teaser for Monday's post (because bugger all happenned). If you can work out what the above says (and no it's not some sort of old dead Latin), why not proove it by putting it in a comment. I'll reveal the corrupt answer tomorrow.
Also, I didn't really write this post in an attempt to avoid doing any work...
Just a quick brain-teaser for Monday's post (because bugger all happenned). If you can work out what the above says (and no it's not some sort of old dead Latin), why not proove it by putting it in a comment. I'll reveal the corrupt answer tomorrow.
Also, I didn't really write this post in an attempt to avoid doing any work...
Monday, November 10, 2008
Am I the only person that can tell the time?
Well, a week into this new format CATCOUK, and I think we're doing well. I even had some comments to read (even if they were full of the worst, and lowest grade of joke known to mankind, so bad in fact, that they are considered a health hazard).
I know I'm writing this Monday, but I was up until 1.30am last night (or is that this morning) finishing and printing an assignment for Uni. But I had to write a few words about yesterday. I had a conversation with the Commanding Officer of our Nautical Training Corps unit (the fantastic TS Intrepid) about what time we'd be meeting for Remembrance Day Parade. Brian finally said that we would meet at Lancing station at 9.30am. Fine.
So one would think it odd, that when I appeared at the station, all of the cadets were there, and so was, most remarkably, the Commanding Officer, Brian. Brian is never on time, and I settled long ago that I would have to factor in that he works on a different time zone to the rest of us. But here he was, five minutes early (it was 9.25 you see). I got out of the car, walked over to the cadets, and they were all tapping their wrists (like watches), and a couple of them saying one of my favourite quotes 'Five minutes early is on time, on time is late!'
What were they talking about? I was five minutes early. Or was I? Put all of the pieces together: all of the cadets there, all of the officers there, and most dammingly, Brian was there. The bugger had only chnaged the time we were meeting on the paperwork he gave out (that I didn't get). They all met at 9.15. I wouldn't have minded so much, but when we spoke on the phone, that's the time I said we should meet (that Brian said was to early). Scumbag. Sir.
Also, I had to print out all of the really exciting new safety regulations for the NTC. I had been told to meet some of the National Council members at National Headquaters (NHQ) at 3pm. So I was there at 2.55pm, in the very string winds, and rain. At 3.30, they finally arrived. That doesn't sound so bad, but I had to park a long way away, so I had to stand outside in the cold the whole time. My life is just too exciting - why aren't there hundreds of women lining up to date me?
I know I'm writing this Monday, but I was up until 1.30am last night (or is that this morning) finishing and printing an assignment for Uni. But I had to write a few words about yesterday. I had a conversation with the Commanding Officer of our Nautical Training Corps unit (the fantastic TS Intrepid) about what time we'd be meeting for Remembrance Day Parade. Brian finally said that we would meet at Lancing station at 9.30am. Fine.
So one would think it odd, that when I appeared at the station, all of the cadets were there, and so was, most remarkably, the Commanding Officer, Brian. Brian is never on time, and I settled long ago that I would have to factor in that he works on a different time zone to the rest of us. But here he was, five minutes early (it was 9.25 you see). I got out of the car, walked over to the cadets, and they were all tapping their wrists (like watches), and a couple of them saying one of my favourite quotes 'Five minutes early is on time, on time is late!'
What were they talking about? I was five minutes early. Or was I? Put all of the pieces together: all of the cadets there, all of the officers there, and most dammingly, Brian was there. The bugger had only chnaged the time we were meeting on the paperwork he gave out (that I didn't get). They all met at 9.15. I wouldn't have minded so much, but when we spoke on the phone, that's the time I said we should meet (that Brian said was to early). Scumbag. Sir.
Also, I had to print out all of the really exciting new safety regulations for the NTC. I had been told to meet some of the National Council members at National Headquaters (NHQ) at 3pm. So I was there at 2.55pm, in the very string winds, and rain. At 3.30, they finally arrived. That doesn't sound so bad, but I had to park a long way away, so I had to stand outside in the cold the whole time. My life is just too exciting - why aren't there hundreds of women lining up to date me?
Friday, November 07, 2008
Ernie's not really a morning car...
As you should all know, I am a University student. One of the many joys of this, is that I get to run really dull - I mean exciting tests in the University's labs. This morning, for one of our assignments, we had to run a lab test. It started at 7am. Well, living half an hour away, and having a fairly minor role to play (and being so enthusiastic about it), I said I'd be there at 7.30, still in plenty of time to start testing at 8.10am.
For a change, I was up, and out of bed in plenty of time (dark and early at 6.30). Had some breakfast, washed, and threw on some clothes. All ready for the day, laptard in hand (it's starting to get... very... very... slow), I jumped in to the glamourous Mark IV Escort that is Ernie. Turned the key in the ignition, and got... moom... moom... moom moom moom... moom... moooom. Bugger.
The battery is in desperate need of replacing. Once he's going, Ernie has really regained all of his power. Waiting at a roundabout earlier this week, I got bored (after 3 or 4 minutes of waiting for a break in the traffic). So, seeing the smallest of gaps that even my bike would struggle to zip through, I employed some Jeremy Clarkson mentality (no, not make an inappropriate joke about lorrie drivers killing prostitutes), and put my foot down. Wheel spinning onto the roundabout, I got through the gap, and left the roundabout before you could say 'classic car'.
Anyways, I have digressed. So, flat battery. Very early in the morning, so no-one else is up. No jump starts then. But for Christmas, I bourght Dad one of those 'Jump Starter Packs'. I thought I'd just use that. Where's the obvious place to look? In the garage? Back of Dad's car? On charge in the hall? Next to the old dead pack, still on charge in the conservatory? Of course not. When Dad came downstairs 15 minutes later, I had over looked (and you haven't thought of) the most obvious place - in the kitchen, next to the microwave. If you can tell me why it would be there, put your answer on the back of a postcard, and send it in...
For a change, I was up, and out of bed in plenty of time (dark and early at 6.30). Had some breakfast, washed, and threw on some clothes. All ready for the day, laptard in hand (it's starting to get... very... very... slow), I jumped in to the glamourous Mark IV Escort that is Ernie. Turned the key in the ignition, and got... moom... moom... moom moom moom... moom... moooom. Bugger.
The battery is in desperate need of replacing. Once he's going, Ernie has really regained all of his power. Waiting at a roundabout earlier this week, I got bored (after 3 or 4 minutes of waiting for a break in the traffic). So, seeing the smallest of gaps that even my bike would struggle to zip through, I employed some Jeremy Clarkson mentality (no, not make an inappropriate joke about lorrie drivers killing prostitutes), and put my foot down. Wheel spinning onto the roundabout, I got through the gap, and left the roundabout before you could say 'classic car'.
Anyways, I have digressed. So, flat battery. Very early in the morning, so no-one else is up. No jump starts then. But for Christmas, I bourght Dad one of those 'Jump Starter Packs'. I thought I'd just use that. Where's the obvious place to look? In the garage? Back of Dad's car? On charge in the hall? Next to the old dead pack, still on charge in the conservatory? Of course not. When Dad came downstairs 15 minutes later, I had over looked (and you haven't thought of) the most obvious place - in the kitchen, next to the microwave. If you can tell me why it would be there, put your answer on the back of a postcard, and send it in...
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Flora of Sussex!
Not a very exciting title, but I am going somehwere with this. You may, or may not be aware, that at University, I am also known as Flora. Although it sounds like a strange nickname, I really miss not being called Flora when I'm not at Uni. The name comes from my first year when I was (and still am I hope) very pro-active (get things done, be helpful). So, after the popular margarine, I am called Flora (pro-active).
At the moment, I am identifying 20 plants for a collection as part of one of my University assignment. It's very exciti... Sorry, I fell asleep there. What was I saying? Oh yes, so I am doing this plant collection, and I wanted a book to help me out (no Sian, this isn't cheating, but how I use the book to complete my collection may be a little underhanded). The Universities two libraries have some books on Sussex plants. Our two libraries have a grand total of... two books. One of which is in deep and darkest storage. So the book I ended up with is called (thinking about the title)... that's right - Flora of Sussex.
When telling my friends at University, several chuckled, and asked if it was a book about me (as I am Flora, and I am from Sussex). Having thought about it, with a title like that, it does make my nickname sound like some comic Viking Invader... Flora of Sussex!
At the moment, I am identifying 20 plants for a collection as part of one of my University assignment. It's very exciti... Sorry, I fell asleep there. What was I saying? Oh yes, so I am doing this plant collection, and I wanted a book to help me out (no Sian, this isn't cheating, but how I use the book to complete my collection may be a little underhanded). The Universities two libraries have some books on Sussex plants. Our two libraries have a grand total of... two books. One of which is in deep and darkest storage. So the book I ended up with is called (thinking about the title)... that's right - Flora of Sussex.
When telling my friends at University, several chuckled, and asked if it was a book about me (as I am Flora, and I am from Sussex). Having thought about it, with a title like that, it does make my nickname sound like some comic Viking Invader... Flora of Sussex!
Well that was quick...
Having spent all day researching plants, I was really looking forward to going to Guildford Torchlight procession. It has to be the best band parade that we do. After getting a few suprise cadets join us, and weaving our way through the diabolical traffic, we eventually got there. In a record 10 minutes, we were ready to play alongside our sister ship, Implacable. That was the quickest we have ever set up, but we did have lots of help form Implac.
Anyways, onto the parade, and we messed up a little. First of all, we marched off (as you would expect), but a tad too early. Too early in fact for the radio car that was supposed to lead to join us. God knows where he ended up. Needless to say, they weren't impressed with that. We also had somewhere near to a million side drummers. Because side drummers are simple folk (glad I moved to playing a brass instrument), they just tapped away. With so many of them, it was almost impossible to control them. So they got faster and faster and faster. Apparently, we marched this year's 1 mile parade in just 25 minutes. 15 minutes quicker than last year! Well, I hope we aren't that fast for Remembrance Day, or the old veterans are going to get a shock...
Anyways, onto the parade, and we messed up a little. First of all, we marched off (as you would expect), but a tad too early. Too early in fact for the radio car that was supposed to lead to join us. God knows where he ended up. Needless to say, they weren't impressed with that. We also had somewhere near to a million side drummers. Because side drummers are simple folk (glad I moved to playing a brass instrument), they just tapped away. With so many of them, it was almost impossible to control them. So they got faster and faster and faster. Apparently, we marched this year's 1 mile parade in just 25 minutes. 15 minutes quicker than last year! Well, I hope we aren't that fast for Remembrance Day, or the old veterans are going to get a shock...
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Where's Lee?
One of the most remarkable thing about us University students, is our ability to confuse matters, and work on a completely different time zone. We had a lecture at 1, in a certain room. One student (the 'gadge-miester' as one of our lecturers refered to him) went to the wrong room. When he arrived, and was asked how 'S9' (the wrong room) was, he replied gloomily, 'a long way away.'
But better still, at around two o'clock, after we were into the lecture properly, and we had all forgotten about wondering where Lee was, Lee walked in quite merrily. After cheerfully greeting the lecturers, he made his way to the back, and then stopped in mid-stride, realising something was off. The entire class was staring at him, and the lecturers waiting for some sort of reaction. To be so late, and offer such a small apology, Coley would have to make some comment.
Looking around cautiously, and detecting something was up, he asked 'have I missed something?' After a ripple of laughter, and told what time the lecture actually started, a Vikky Pollard-esk (from Little Britain fame) 'What?' was heard, followed by even more laughter.
After being an hour late (which was kind of understandable, as last week's was at 2), you'd think it couldn't get any worse. But that was when Coley made yet another comment 'So if you thought you had to be here at 2, you're still 5 minutes late. It's 5 past.' What a pillock. As my friends in America would say - EPIC FAIL!
But better still, at around two o'clock, after we were into the lecture properly, and we had all forgotten about wondering where Lee was, Lee walked in quite merrily. After cheerfully greeting the lecturers, he made his way to the back, and then stopped in mid-stride, realising something was off. The entire class was staring at him, and the lecturers waiting for some sort of reaction. To be so late, and offer such a small apology, Coley would have to make some comment.
Looking around cautiously, and detecting something was up, he asked 'have I missed something?' After a ripple of laughter, and told what time the lecture actually started, a Vikky Pollard-esk (from Little Britain fame) 'What?' was heard, followed by even more laughter.
After being an hour late (which was kind of understandable, as last week's was at 2), you'd think it couldn't get any worse. But that was when Coley made yet another comment 'So if you thought you had to be here at 2, you're still 5 minutes late. It's 5 past.' What a pillock. As my friends in America would say - EPIC FAIL!
A busy day doing... er... what?
Well, this post a day thing is working well... So I'll write two to catch up. I've still got to get used to it.
Monday, Monday. Tell me why, I hate Mondays. It's just another manic Monday. All tunes with Monday in the title. All summaries of my day. But I ask you this - on a day when I didn't go to Uni, how on Earth did I end up stressed and busy? I tried to get some of my dissertation done. I'm at the stage when I have to do alot of reading, and write something meaningful. Typical isn't it - I spend two hous looking for anything remotely useful (or even vaguely interesting), and when I finally get something, I have to drive to chuffin' Brighton. And that took over 2 hours!!! Then I settle down for some dinner before band, but instead of eating it, I have to organise a cadet that can't get himself to band. Then after band, I have to run around Lancing dropping off shuffleboards, picking up band dressings, and attending a Lions meeting. And to top it all, what do you think happenned just as I arrived at the Lions meeting - yep, they finished the meeting. Fan-bloody-tastic.
Monday, Monday. Tell me why, I hate Mondays. It's just another manic Monday. All tunes with Monday in the title. All summaries of my day. But I ask you this - on a day when I didn't go to Uni, how on Earth did I end up stressed and busy? I tried to get some of my dissertation done. I'm at the stage when I have to do alot of reading, and write something meaningful. Typical isn't it - I spend two hous looking for anything remotely useful (or even vaguely interesting), and when I finally get something, I have to drive to chuffin' Brighton. And that took over 2 hours!!! Then I settle down for some dinner before band, but instead of eating it, I have to organise a cadet that can't get himself to band. Then after band, I have to run around Lancing dropping off shuffleboards, picking up band dressings, and attending a Lions meeting. And to top it all, what do you think happenned just as I arrived at the Lions meeting - yep, they finished the meeting. Fan-bloody-tastic.
Sunday, November 02, 2008
CATCOUK is going on a diet
Hello all. I think we can all agree that I simply don't have time to sit down for an hour on a Sunday evening, and write a load of dribble to entertain the masses. But instead of calling it a night, and in an attempt to provide you with the 'entertainment' that you want, this blog is going bitesize!
'What does this mean?' I hear both of you ask. Well, I will try and write some very short posts every day, so that if you want to continue reading weekly, you can. And there should be a couple of amusing things waiting there for you. But this new style also means that you can drop in daily, and pick your daily dribble. So, like a talented MP, I have made something crap, sound very appealing.
Sorry if you don't like the plan, but it's that or nothing.
And I can't write a post without a quick tale from my world. As many of you will know, in February I was promoted at NTC to a Commander, and made the organisation's Adventure Activities Director. As such, I have to attend many boring meetings. For example, I have just been told that I have to attend Chief of Staff meetings. I didn't even know that those kind of meetings existed! And I'll probably just sit through those meetings being very bored, and listening to old people argue with each other.
But the recent National Council meeting I attended was better entertainment that watching EastEnders. Alright, so every National Council meeting can beat crappy ol' EastEnders, but this one was on a par with Top Gear. One guy was making his report, when he said 'I have been recieving letter upon letter upon letter from a bloke in Fareham saying that he wants to open an (NTC) Unit. [Regional Commader for the area's name] - what is going on?'
'Well,' replied the regional commander, 'I know the gentleman in question, and I wouldn't recommend him as a CO.' At this point I have to say that unless he's a kiddy-fiddler (and I hope he isn't) he can't be worse than the current CO there - there isn't one! But that's besides the point. It's not like the NTC needs to open more units or it will die...
'Just one minute sir!' replied the boss in a raised heated voice. I use the term boss, as there are at least three people that fit that category, so I leave it to you to guess who. I want to protect his or her identity for a change. 'There is nothing wrong with him. I know him too, and I think it's more a case that you just don't want to open a new unit.' Arguments happen quite alot, but everyone was watching intently. But little did we know that the best was yet to come...
The aggrieved boss continued 'He's not scruffy, although I am sure he let's him self go from time to time.' Okay, still nothing that entertaining, but here it comes. Remembering that he's the boss - 'As he's a relative of mine, I know him very well.'
Oh dear me, the look on everyone's faces was a picture. The guy who started the report went fish-faced, I was struggling not to laugh, and the regional commander look like he had shrunk by 3ft, probably because he was sweating so much, and looking so red. Absolute classic. Understandably, no one said a word, as the two continued to argue the point. This was just too entertaining. Eventually, the regional commander was practically ordered to have an interview with the new guy. Fantastic.
Well that's it for now. Don't forget, with a bit of luck, I'll have a short one for you tomorrow (and yes, I do tell all the girls that...).
'What does this mean?' I hear both of you ask. Well, I will try and write some very short posts every day, so that if you want to continue reading weekly, you can. And there should be a couple of amusing things waiting there for you. But this new style also means that you can drop in daily, and pick your daily dribble. So, like a talented MP, I have made something crap, sound very appealing.
Sorry if you don't like the plan, but it's that or nothing.
And I can't write a post without a quick tale from my world. As many of you will know, in February I was promoted at NTC to a Commander, and made the organisation's Adventure Activities Director. As such, I have to attend many boring meetings. For example, I have just been told that I have to attend Chief of Staff meetings. I didn't even know that those kind of meetings existed! And I'll probably just sit through those meetings being very bored, and listening to old people argue with each other.
But the recent National Council meeting I attended was better entertainment that watching EastEnders. Alright, so every National Council meeting can beat crappy ol' EastEnders, but this one was on a par with Top Gear. One guy was making his report, when he said 'I have been recieving letter upon letter upon letter from a bloke in Fareham saying that he wants to open an (NTC) Unit. [Regional Commader for the area's name] - what is going on?'
'Well,' replied the regional commander, 'I know the gentleman in question, and I wouldn't recommend him as a CO.' At this point I have to say that unless he's a kiddy-fiddler (and I hope he isn't) he can't be worse than the current CO there - there isn't one! But that's besides the point. It's not like the NTC needs to open more units or it will die...
'Just one minute sir!' replied the boss in a raised heated voice. I use the term boss, as there are at least three people that fit that category, so I leave it to you to guess who. I want to protect his or her identity for a change. 'There is nothing wrong with him. I know him too, and I think it's more a case that you just don't want to open a new unit.' Arguments happen quite alot, but everyone was watching intently. But little did we know that the best was yet to come...
The aggrieved boss continued 'He's not scruffy, although I am sure he let's him self go from time to time.' Okay, still nothing that entertaining, but here it comes. Remembering that he's the boss - 'As he's a relative of mine, I know him very well.'
Oh dear me, the look on everyone's faces was a picture. The guy who started the report went fish-faced, I was struggling not to laugh, and the regional commander look like he had shrunk by 3ft, probably because he was sweating so much, and looking so red. Absolute classic. Understandably, no one said a word, as the two continued to argue the point. This was just too entertaining. Eventually, the regional commander was practically ordered to have an interview with the new guy. Fantastic.
Well that's it for now. Don't forget, with a bit of luck, I'll have a short one for you tomorrow (and yes, I do tell all the girls that...).
Sunday, October 26, 2008
In the meantime...
Just to tide you over, here is a video linking to the multi-award winning marching band of TS Intrepid, and their recent routine at the Nautical Training Corps National Band, Colour & Fanfare Competition. I'm not at Uni tomorrow, so I will write a post them. Although, I am interested in reading Holly's attempt at my week. I'd be interested as to what I did...
The video even features a devilishly handsome young NTC Commander playing the baritone, who is so talented, he won the 'Best baritone player that is the rank of Commander, and from TS Intrepid, and may also be called Andy'. It was agreed that this award wouldn't be presented, due to it's long title...
TS Intrepid's Marching Band Routine 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Sorry, no post...
Sorry, no post tonight. Long weekend practising for the band contest, and I still haven't got a lesson planned for Monday. Maybe later.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
So, is Ernie dead?
Okay, I winged last week, and I didn't go unheard. But I never did post. University really is busy. Take tonight - it's 1050pm, and I really need to sleep (tired after band practice all day). To top it all off, I haven't even got everything done that I need to. Sorry Brian, I guess I'll be printing that paperwork... Bugger.
But hey ho, after some of you left comments, how could I not write something. It would just be down right unsportsmanly of me. So here we go, for a quick post, so I can go to bed.
First off, I need to report back to all of you, that I have now purchased my first 3 piece suit. Pinstripe as well! Armani perhaps? Of course not - Tescos. Well, it was on offer for £40 the lot, and it's made of great material. Can't complain. So what was the first thing I did with my suit. That's right - wore it to University!
We had a 'professional poster presentation'. Basically, it's an essay written on one sheet of paper. A bloody big sheet of paper (A0 if you must know). It cost me 15 quid to print! I know, I know, it all sounds just too exciting. So, being graphically inclined, I felt that I had to spice things up a little, and break the mold of Uni posters. And if the reaction I got is to be believed - I did!
So, wearing my new pin-striped suit, I stood in front of my very unusual poster for 2 hours! (that was a loooong afternoon) All of the posters that I have seen are three or four columns of text, with basically a different backing colour and/or text. I put a black header and footer on mine, and played around with some photos. It looked at bit like a widescreen production on a normal TV screen. But I decided that there wasn't enough colour, so I threw some big red and blue strips on the background. My lecturer came up, and said, 'I can honestly say that I have never seen a poster like it. I can also honestly say no-one has ever worn a suit to this before.' He went on to say that despite the fact that he liked it, it was too 'HMV'. Basically, next time make it more boring...
The head of P.E., or a convicted drug dealer in the US. One of my friends said that I wasn't a student, and that I could be either... Me with some friends in front of my poster.
Everyone else (including that lecturer) mainly loved the look of the poster. In my opinion, the poster was just what the doctor ordered. Only thing is, no-one likes change. Still, the suit may have been a bit over the top - it was mainly as a joke though...
So, is Ernie dead? Stories have been rampant since my last post (and by rampant, I mean that there have been literally two comments about it). The short answer - no. My car has never, and never will break down. It does however, have some periods that I likie to refer to as 'lapses of function'. But it's not a break down though... Ernie went through 2 litres of oil in a week. Not petrol, but OIL. Yeah, that's generally bad news. In fact, you can see anywhere I parked last week, because there are stains on the roadway. Even at NTC, where I was only parked a few hours. So, until I effect some minor repairs... let's just say that Eric the motorbike is getting even more outings. The garage could sort Ernie out in a few hours, I just don't like spending money.
So, on that cheery note, I'm off to bed. Goodnight (which I imagine will sound odd if you are reading this during the day).
If you knew that my car would have problems, why not think about writing a comment saying I told you so, but then going and f*****g yourself.
If you can replace two O-rings on a 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate in Champagne Gold, near the timing belt, and you would like to do it for free, why not pop 'round.
Quote of the Week: 'His car is so old, the logbook's written in Latin,' said Lion Dave at a Lions Club meeting. Cheers pal.
But hey ho, after some of you left comments, how could I not write something. It would just be down right unsportsmanly of me. So here we go, for a quick post, so I can go to bed.
First off, I need to report back to all of you, that I have now purchased my first 3 piece suit. Pinstripe as well! Armani perhaps? Of course not - Tescos. Well, it was on offer for £40 the lot, and it's made of great material. Can't complain. So what was the first thing I did with my suit. That's right - wore it to University!
We had a 'professional poster presentation'. Basically, it's an essay written on one sheet of paper. A bloody big sheet of paper (A0 if you must know). It cost me 15 quid to print! I know, I know, it all sounds just too exciting. So, being graphically inclined, I felt that I had to spice things up a little, and break the mold of Uni posters. And if the reaction I got is to be believed - I did!
So, wearing my new pin-striped suit, I stood in front of my very unusual poster for 2 hours! (that was a loooong afternoon) All of the posters that I have seen are three or four columns of text, with basically a different backing colour and/or text. I put a black header and footer on mine, and played around with some photos. It looked at bit like a widescreen production on a normal TV screen. But I decided that there wasn't enough colour, so I threw some big red and blue strips on the background. My lecturer came up, and said, 'I can honestly say that I have never seen a poster like it. I can also honestly say no-one has ever worn a suit to this before.' He went on to say that despite the fact that he liked it, it was too 'HMV'. Basically, next time make it more boring...
The head of P.E., or a convicted drug dealer in the US. One of my friends said that I wasn't a student, and that I could be either... Me with some friends in front of my poster.
Everyone else (including that lecturer) mainly loved the look of the poster. In my opinion, the poster was just what the doctor ordered. Only thing is, no-one likes change. Still, the suit may have been a bit over the top - it was mainly as a joke though...
So, is Ernie dead? Stories have been rampant since my last post (and by rampant, I mean that there have been literally two comments about it). The short answer - no. My car has never, and never will break down. It does however, have some periods that I likie to refer to as 'lapses of function'. But it's not a break down though... Ernie went through 2 litres of oil in a week. Not petrol, but OIL. Yeah, that's generally bad news. In fact, you can see anywhere I parked last week, because there are stains on the roadway. Even at NTC, where I was only parked a few hours. So, until I effect some minor repairs... let's just say that Eric the motorbike is getting even more outings. The garage could sort Ernie out in a few hours, I just don't like spending money.
So, on that cheery note, I'm off to bed. Goodnight (which I imagine will sound odd if you are reading this during the day).
If you knew that my car would have problems, why not think about writing a comment saying I told you so, but then going and f*****g yourself.
If you can replace two O-rings on a 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL Estate in Champagne Gold, near the timing belt, and you would like to do it for free, why not pop 'round.
Quote of the Week: 'His car is so old, the logbook's written in Latin,' said Lion Dave at a Lions Club meeting. Cheers pal.
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Just charming
Well that's just charming that is. I go out of my way last week to give you guys a post that's on time for a change, and not a single bloomin' one of you could be troubled to leave a comment.
Stuff you then. Despite the fact that I could now write a post, despite the fact that it's 10.40pm, and despite the fact I have spent a very stressful day with the marching band, and written a dissertation proposal, I'm not going to.
Now you'll never know about the adventures of Thursday night where my car was broken into, and Dad and I chased the Turkeys. you'll never know what they stole, or how/ if we caught them. You'll never know about the possible plans that my long running/ long suffering 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL estate in Champagne Gold could be replaced. I hope you're happy now...
I can't stop this rant without cheerfully wishing everybody a happy escort day. September the 25th (despite being more than a week ago, and I may have forgotton) is International (Ford) Escort day, and this year we all celebrate three happpy, and unbelievably reliable motoring with Ernie the Escort. Three years, and 35 000 miles for just £300. Ernie is a fantastic car - long may he reign...
See, I'm so upset, I'm not even leaving a quote of the week, or a tune of the month (even though it would have been a toss up between that new Sugarbabes tune, and the new 'Steve McQueen' dittie from The Automatic).
Maybe if some comments appear, I may indulge myself to write a post. Maybe.
Stuff you then. Despite the fact that I could now write a post, despite the fact that it's 10.40pm, and despite the fact I have spent a very stressful day with the marching band, and written a dissertation proposal, I'm not going to.
Now you'll never know about the adventures of Thursday night where my car was broken into, and Dad and I chased the Turkeys. you'll never know what they stole, or how/ if we caught them. You'll never know about the possible plans that my long running/ long suffering 1986 Ford Escort 1.4 GL estate in Champagne Gold could be replaced. I hope you're happy now...
I can't stop this rant without cheerfully wishing everybody a happy escort day. September the 25th (despite being more than a week ago, and I may have forgotton) is International (Ford) Escort day, and this year we all celebrate three happpy, and unbelievably reliable motoring with Ernie the Escort. Three years, and 35 000 miles for just £300. Ernie is a fantastic car - long may he reign...
See, I'm so upset, I'm not even leaving a quote of the week, or a tune of the month (even though it would have been a toss up between that new Sugarbabes tune, and the new 'Steve McQueen' dittie from The Automatic).
Maybe if some comments appear, I may indulge myself to write a post. Maybe.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Oh my goodness, a post on time!!!
Good evening!
Well, isn't this ironic. The first blog post I have managed to write up on time, and I can't think of anything to write up. So here we go. Hold on tight, as I ramble my way through yet another blog post, here on the wonderful blog of CATCOUK...
As I have tried to point out, and I'm not sure whether I have got my point accross, but University is very, very, VERY busy. We don't really have many lectures, but we do have plenty of assignments. Now, a 1000 word essay is only really two pages of text. I know that I can write two pages of text in maybe 30 minutes, or even less if I know what I want to say. Just ask anyone in the NTC that has read either my new safety administration regulations, or the National Camp Guidebook. They'll tell you that I can do.
So with that in mind, how difficult can these assignments be? If it only takes 30 minmutes to write 1000 words, what am I complaining about. If only I knew what I wanted to say. On top of the actual writing, which barely takes any time at all, I have to research what I am writing about, fully reference what I'm writing, and try and get interested in the subject. If the subject is interesting to me, I'm laughing. Unfortunately it seems that most of the stuff I'm doing this term is a load of old horse hockey.
But it was with great pride, that I printed an A0 size poster (that's over a metre wide!). I took great care in designing it, and I love playing about with graphics. I wanted a finished product that would completely break the mold of standard looking academic posters. And apparently the time I spent on it was worth it. When one of my friends saw it being printed, Kat thought that it couldn't be anything to do with our projects. Marvellous.
Several people said that they really liked the look of the poster, and used words like 'amazing'. Well that's great, but I don't think that the lecturers will settle at looking at the graphic design elements of the poster. So it may look pretty, but the essay content is probably a load of old dribble...
One of the highlights of my week however, was kayaking in Chichester canal. Well, that's a lie actually, the real highlight for me, was getting back in the saddle as it were, and arguing with one of our senior lecturers. Som would call me brave, most merely stupid. But I have never like bullies, and I never will. Both from a youth working point of view, and from a personal point of view.
As a high school student, I only ever got into one fight. This 6ft goon called my best friend a name, making fun of his religious nature. The bully alarm went off in my head, and I made some remark. Following that, he pushed me to the ground, and started repeatedly trying to kick me in the head. I have never been the tallest, and as a sixteen-year old, I certainly wasn't taller than this 6ft lumiox. Anyways, after I produced a two footed kick from my shoulder blades, directed at his gentals, he looked quite sore, and was suspended for 6 weeks. I didn't have a mark on me, and I got back on my stool, and straightened my tie. I don't like bullies.
Anyway, going back to my original topic, this particular lecture, 'Coley' likes to think of himself as a bit of a hardnut. You know the type, stereotypical head of PE at high school. Well, he pretty much bullies most people into things, and most students are scared of him. I never have been, and I always stand up to assist my fellow students who fall foul of him, and his wicked use of language.
It's still fairly early in the morning, and I have just finished unpacking the trailer. I'm a little dazed, and wondering what to do next. Just as I think about getting my dry suit on, Coley, seeing me standing doing nothing, chirps up with: 'Are you ready to go on the water?'.
'Nearly,' I reply, 'I'm just getting changed'. I'm obviously not changing, although I am in the process of walking towards my bag. Coley doesn't like this 'attitude', and fake threatens me if I don't keep my mouth free of sarcastic replies. After point out that I merely gave him an accurate response to his caustic question (well, I was heading towards my bag to get changed), he warned me how nasty he can be. I don't want to get him in trouble, so it's worth pointing out that all of his threats were of course idle and slightly jokey. But he was clearly getting a bit peeved.
Not to be outdone, and to have the last word, I raised my voice a little, so that my fellow students could all here me. 'Surely not Ian [being his first name], not old 'cuddly Coley'...'. Many of the students giggled at the gall of my statement, and the other lecture tried to supress a laugh, and then looked at me, shaking his head. 'Fourth yearm and you still don't know when to stop.' Well, actualy I do, and I prooved it. When I've made fun of Coley, and I've had the last word/ laugh. What Coley started, I finished, making fun of him in the process. Win!
Later on, I was put in this aircraft carrier of a kayak. It was just like a rocket car - in a straight line it was great, but it took forever to turn around. Also, because of it's V-shaped hull, it was very wobbly. Coley noticed me on the water, and said that me capsizing right now would make his day. I never did. I won't win every battle with Coley, but the point that I can win, where other students wouldn't dare, is reason enough for me to try. Having said that, I like to think that Coley and I share a friendly rivalry, where each of us consider ourselves better than the other. Obviously the fact that I realise this, makes me a better person than Coley...
I can't finish this post without telling you of the relaxing weekend I enjoyed. Oh that's right, it wasn't relaxing at all. After a 5.30am wake up, I was standing at Adur Rec in the mist and the fog helping to run a carboot sale for the NTC. It was good fun. I argued with two punters, and as each of them drove off, I shouted cheerfully after them 'HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY SIR!' I also had to start 4 cars - jump start three with flat batteries with Dad's car (Ernie was at home), and one who thought she had a flat battery. When we jump started her, everything sounded fine, it just wasn't starting. At this point I asked 'Does it have plenty of fuel.'
Well, this lady drive looked at her guage and said, 'well the symbol is flashing, but that doesn't mean it's empty does it?' Sigh - I'm not going to make any comments about women drivers...
But hey-ho. We made a fair few quid. And I have to say, I was most impressed, and pleasently suprised about how much we received in public donations. Over £250! Incredible considering all of the economic misery that is descending upon us...
Lastly, today we had our first weekend band practice, in preparation for the band contest at the end of October. We have some new officers on the unit, and I am very keen for them to take the band on. Dad's also getting very interested and committed. Marvellous. So, since I came back from the US, I have sat on my hands, and said nothing. No matter how many things were going on that I probbaly wouldn't have.
But I couldn't do it anymore. I was broken today. I don't wish to make Tyler, our wonderful bandmaster, or John, or is another exceptional officer, feel bad, but I couldn't hold on any more. After a solid hour of what can only be described as faffing, I had to step in, and kick some backsides. The cadets were moping around, and not really engaged. Well if there is one thing I can do, it's to kick people in the behind, and get them motivated. Despite a very looong day, and a very busy day, we now have a complete routine, pretty much from scrap. I even found time to make some stuff up today, to fill in the gaps. But I didn't really do that much. Tyler had set everything up, all I did was steer the cadets in the right direction, and get us going. Unfortunatly, I'm still pretty new at my instrument, and I really need to practice playing and marching. Bugger.
Well, I think I've rambled through that quite well. Have a good one, and see you soon.
If you think that I made this up on the spot, and it was rubbish, why not leave a comment, where you try to write something better.
If you think that I made this up, and did it pretty well, why not leave a comment and an address, so that I know where to send the details for alcoholics anonymous.
Quote of the Week: 'Well, the symbols flashing, but that doesn't mean it's completely out of fuel does it?' Duh! Cars need petrol to move!!!
Well, isn't this ironic. The first blog post I have managed to write up on time, and I can't think of anything to write up. So here we go. Hold on tight, as I ramble my way through yet another blog post, here on the wonderful blog of CATCOUK...
As I have tried to point out, and I'm not sure whether I have got my point accross, but University is very, very, VERY busy. We don't really have many lectures, but we do have plenty of assignments. Now, a 1000 word essay is only really two pages of text. I know that I can write two pages of text in maybe 30 minutes, or even less if I know what I want to say. Just ask anyone in the NTC that has read either my new safety administration regulations, or the National Camp Guidebook. They'll tell you that I can do.
So with that in mind, how difficult can these assignments be? If it only takes 30 minmutes to write 1000 words, what am I complaining about. If only I knew what I wanted to say. On top of the actual writing, which barely takes any time at all, I have to research what I am writing about, fully reference what I'm writing, and try and get interested in the subject. If the subject is interesting to me, I'm laughing. Unfortunately it seems that most of the stuff I'm doing this term is a load of old horse hockey.
But it was with great pride, that I printed an A0 size poster (that's over a metre wide!). I took great care in designing it, and I love playing about with graphics. I wanted a finished product that would completely break the mold of standard looking academic posters. And apparently the time I spent on it was worth it. When one of my friends saw it being printed, Kat thought that it couldn't be anything to do with our projects. Marvellous.
Several people said that they really liked the look of the poster, and used words like 'amazing'. Well that's great, but I don't think that the lecturers will settle at looking at the graphic design elements of the poster. So it may look pretty, but the essay content is probably a load of old dribble...
One of the highlights of my week however, was kayaking in Chichester canal. Well, that's a lie actually, the real highlight for me, was getting back in the saddle as it were, and arguing with one of our senior lecturers. Som would call me brave, most merely stupid. But I have never like bullies, and I never will. Both from a youth working point of view, and from a personal point of view.
As a high school student, I only ever got into one fight. This 6ft goon called my best friend a name, making fun of his religious nature. The bully alarm went off in my head, and I made some remark. Following that, he pushed me to the ground, and started repeatedly trying to kick me in the head. I have never been the tallest, and as a sixteen-year old, I certainly wasn't taller than this 6ft lumiox. Anyways, after I produced a two footed kick from my shoulder blades, directed at his gentals, he looked quite sore, and was suspended for 6 weeks. I didn't have a mark on me, and I got back on my stool, and straightened my tie. I don't like bullies.
Anyway, going back to my original topic, this particular lecture, 'Coley' likes to think of himself as a bit of a hardnut. You know the type, stereotypical head of PE at high school. Well, he pretty much bullies most people into things, and most students are scared of him. I never have been, and I always stand up to assist my fellow students who fall foul of him, and his wicked use of language.
It's still fairly early in the morning, and I have just finished unpacking the trailer. I'm a little dazed, and wondering what to do next. Just as I think about getting my dry suit on, Coley, seeing me standing doing nothing, chirps up with: 'Are you ready to go on the water?'.
'Nearly,' I reply, 'I'm just getting changed'. I'm obviously not changing, although I am in the process of walking towards my bag. Coley doesn't like this 'attitude', and fake threatens me if I don't keep my mouth free of sarcastic replies. After point out that I merely gave him an accurate response to his caustic question (well, I was heading towards my bag to get changed), he warned me how nasty he can be. I don't want to get him in trouble, so it's worth pointing out that all of his threats were of course idle and slightly jokey. But he was clearly getting a bit peeved.
Not to be outdone, and to have the last word, I raised my voice a little, so that my fellow students could all here me. 'Surely not Ian [being his first name], not old 'cuddly Coley'...'. Many of the students giggled at the gall of my statement, and the other lecture tried to supress a laugh, and then looked at me, shaking his head. 'Fourth yearm and you still don't know when to stop.' Well, actualy I do, and I prooved it. When I've made fun of Coley, and I've had the last word/ laugh. What Coley started, I finished, making fun of him in the process. Win!
Later on, I was put in this aircraft carrier of a kayak. It was just like a rocket car - in a straight line it was great, but it took forever to turn around. Also, because of it's V-shaped hull, it was very wobbly. Coley noticed me on the water, and said that me capsizing right now would make his day. I never did. I won't win every battle with Coley, but the point that I can win, where other students wouldn't dare, is reason enough for me to try. Having said that, I like to think that Coley and I share a friendly rivalry, where each of us consider ourselves better than the other. Obviously the fact that I realise this, makes me a better person than Coley...
I can't finish this post without telling you of the relaxing weekend I enjoyed. Oh that's right, it wasn't relaxing at all. After a 5.30am wake up, I was standing at Adur Rec in the mist and the fog helping to run a carboot sale for the NTC. It was good fun. I argued with two punters, and as each of them drove off, I shouted cheerfully after them 'HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY SIR!' I also had to start 4 cars - jump start three with flat batteries with Dad's car (Ernie was at home), and one who thought she had a flat battery. When we jump started her, everything sounded fine, it just wasn't starting. At this point I asked 'Does it have plenty of fuel.'
Well, this lady drive looked at her guage and said, 'well the symbol is flashing, but that doesn't mean it's empty does it?' Sigh - I'm not going to make any comments about women drivers...
But hey-ho. We made a fair few quid. And I have to say, I was most impressed, and pleasently suprised about how much we received in public donations. Over £250! Incredible considering all of the economic misery that is descending upon us...
Lastly, today we had our first weekend band practice, in preparation for the band contest at the end of October. We have some new officers on the unit, and I am very keen for them to take the band on. Dad's also getting very interested and committed. Marvellous. So, since I came back from the US, I have sat on my hands, and said nothing. No matter how many things were going on that I probbaly wouldn't have.
But I couldn't do it anymore. I was broken today. I don't wish to make Tyler, our wonderful bandmaster, or John, or is another exceptional officer, feel bad, but I couldn't hold on any more. After a solid hour of what can only be described as faffing, I had to step in, and kick some backsides. The cadets were moping around, and not really engaged. Well if there is one thing I can do, it's to kick people in the behind, and get them motivated. Despite a very looong day, and a very busy day, we now have a complete routine, pretty much from scrap. I even found time to make some stuff up today, to fill in the gaps. But I didn't really do that much. Tyler had set everything up, all I did was steer the cadets in the right direction, and get us going. Unfortunatly, I'm still pretty new at my instrument, and I really need to practice playing and marching. Bugger.
Well, I think I've rambled through that quite well. Have a good one, and see you soon.
If you think that I made this up on the spot, and it was rubbish, why not leave a comment, where you try to write something better.
If you think that I made this up, and did it pretty well, why not leave a comment and an address, so that I know where to send the details for alcoholics anonymous.
Quote of the Week: 'Well, the symbols flashing, but that doesn't mean it's completely out of fuel does it?' Duh! Cars need petrol to move!!!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
I PROBE-ably shouldn't PROBE into this, by asking any PROBING questions...
I think that that title may have to win an award, for the most content related single punn, of any blog post title.
Well, I may be several days late posting, but as Siobhan demands entertainment, so I'll put up a short post. And I have to say, I have a fantastic subject for this week's post. It's all about very high-brow academic university lab testing.
As you should now know, I have returned to the grand old University of Chichester to complete my final year of Adventure Education. Of the 28 or so student on my course, 1 person is glad to be back. What can I say, I just enjoy their company!
One of my pet hates, has always been biology. And a subject that is even worse than biology (and I wasn't sure that that was possible) is PHYSIOLOGY! Oh good goodness, how I detest physiology. I just can't engage in the subject (which is bad news, as I struggle to do well in subjects that I'm not interested in). One of the things we have to do for our physiology module, is to carry out lab tests. I personally would much rather spend those two hours beating my head to a bloody pulp against a brick wall somewhere. But hey, that's just me.
But this year, for our final year of University, where everything is that much more advanced, we are using an environmental chamber. The first time we walked in there, one of my fellow students uttered 'Anyone ever heard of mustard gas?' And he was right - the place looks like an American gas chamber! Very spooky. So far, this all sounds pretty cool - we get to play with a room where we are in charge of the temperature and humidity.
But you're forgettiung, this is Physiology. We have to keep a constant core temperature reading on anyone being tested on in this room - all for safety. How can you take a core temperature reading? Under your tongue, under your armpit, and yes that's right, rectally! What method do you think the physiolists prefer to use? Right again - rectally! Well, if they think that they are going to shove a 10cm probe up my chuff in the name of education, they have another thing coming.
Fortunately, there are other, more open minded students on my course. They gladly volunteered themselves to be subjects. So they were given their 10cm anal probe, and a tub of vaseline, and sent on their way. Well, out of the four participants we had last week, one thought he might have applied too much vaseline, one went a very odd shade of greeney-white, and a third passed out! Well, we used another two participants to replace the one that had passed out, and the one that had gone a funny colour.
Well, if that is not conclusive, I don't know what is. I am not going to be participating in the lab tests this year...
But I ask you. What on earth do anal probes have to do with Adventure Education. Anyone that tried to even raise the topic of rectal thermometers in an adventure setting with young people would probably be arrested. So I ask again, what in the name of all that is holy, do anal probes have to do with Adventure Education? Perverse physiologists.
Lastly, it dawned on me recently, that of the three modules I am taking this semester, two of them are focussed on teaching us how to be undergraduate students. So, we are taking modules that are teaching us how to learn this year. Honestly, I have yet to find one thing on these two modules that I will ever use again. Does anyone else see anything bizarre about this?
And on that bombshell, I need to get off, and finish my first university assignment. Oh boy...
If you would like to volunteer to be a participant in one of our lab sessions, why not leave a comment saying that you'll being your own vaseline.
If you would like to avoid being a participant in one of our lab sessions at all costs, stay near me...
Quote of the week: 'It's like going from swimming in water, to walking through jelly with concrete boots on. You can do it, but it's bloody hard work!' I said, as I explained how I was finding 4th year university life to my dad.
Well, I may be several days late posting, but as Siobhan demands entertainment, so I'll put up a short post. And I have to say, I have a fantastic subject for this week's post. It's all about very high-brow academic university lab testing.
As you should now know, I have returned to the grand old University of Chichester to complete my final year of Adventure Education. Of the 28 or so student on my course, 1 person is glad to be back. What can I say, I just enjoy their company!
One of my pet hates, has always been biology. And a subject that is even worse than biology (and I wasn't sure that that was possible) is PHYSIOLOGY! Oh good goodness, how I detest physiology. I just can't engage in the subject (which is bad news, as I struggle to do well in subjects that I'm not interested in). One of the things we have to do for our physiology module, is to carry out lab tests. I personally would much rather spend those two hours beating my head to a bloody pulp against a brick wall somewhere. But hey, that's just me.
But this year, for our final year of University, where everything is that much more advanced, we are using an environmental chamber. The first time we walked in there, one of my fellow students uttered 'Anyone ever heard of mustard gas?' And he was right - the place looks like an American gas chamber! Very spooky. So far, this all sounds pretty cool - we get to play with a room where we are in charge of the temperature and humidity.
But you're forgettiung, this is Physiology. We have to keep a constant core temperature reading on anyone being tested on in this room - all for safety. How can you take a core temperature reading? Under your tongue, under your armpit, and yes that's right, rectally! What method do you think the physiolists prefer to use? Right again - rectally! Well, if they think that they are going to shove a 10cm probe up my chuff in the name of education, they have another thing coming.
Fortunately, there are other, more open minded students on my course. They gladly volunteered themselves to be subjects. So they were given their 10cm anal probe, and a tub of vaseline, and sent on their way. Well, out of the four participants we had last week, one thought he might have applied too much vaseline, one went a very odd shade of greeney-white, and a third passed out! Well, we used another two participants to replace the one that had passed out, and the one that had gone a funny colour.
Well, if that is not conclusive, I don't know what is. I am not going to be participating in the lab tests this year...
But I ask you. What on earth do anal probes have to do with Adventure Education. Anyone that tried to even raise the topic of rectal thermometers in an adventure setting with young people would probably be arrested. So I ask again, what in the name of all that is holy, do anal probes have to do with Adventure Education? Perverse physiologists.
Lastly, it dawned on me recently, that of the three modules I am taking this semester, two of them are focussed on teaching us how to be undergraduate students. So, we are taking modules that are teaching us how to learn this year. Honestly, I have yet to find one thing on these two modules that I will ever use again. Does anyone else see anything bizarre about this?
And on that bombshell, I need to get off, and finish my first university assignment. Oh boy...
If you would like to volunteer to be a participant in one of our lab sessions, why not leave a comment saying that you'll being your own vaseline.
If you would like to avoid being a participant in one of our lab sessions at all costs, stay near me...
Quote of the week: 'It's like going from swimming in water, to walking through jelly with concrete boots on. You can do it, but it's bloody hard work!' I said, as I explained how I was finding 4th year university life to my dad.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Yet another late post
Sorry guys, I know that I'm already a day late, but I'm super mad stupid busy. I'll try and post something tomorrow night.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Catcouk Returns (part 3)
Here we go, the last installment of CATCOUK's first ever three part post. And once again, a day or two late. I think we need to just accept that I am busier than a busy thing, busying about a busy place, doing lots of busy work, whilst being a busy buzzy bee being very busy indeed. So, don't hold your breath, posts are like to continue to be late for several weeks/ months (who knows). What can I say, my last year of Uni is turning out to be mega busy.
Picking up where we left off las week, after a busy shut down week, and a trip to Hershey Park, it was time to pack myself away (and my stuff), and get back to the grand old United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. And thanks to British Airways, I returned to Heathrow at 9.30 in the morning, having had two hours of, what could be described by a mad person as, sleep. I HATE FLYING - It's so dull and uncomfortable!
The moment I land, and meet up with mum and dad (a considerably smaller welcoming party than I received in the US), we rushed to the car, so that we could find the nearest 'Little Chef'. I have a tradition, no matter how Little Chef's image gets, that I don't consider anything a holiday unless I have had a Little Chef. I love Little Chef's breakfasts, especially their sausages. Delicious. I'm salavating now, just at the thought.
After that, I returned home to hug my car, and unpack. Well, I hugged my car anyway. I also found some excuse to take Ernie out for a spin. I really missed my car, and I absolutely love the car. And then it was onto busy work. I had been back in the country less than 4 hours, and I was up to my neck in paperwork. But what sort of paperwork, I hear you cry. NTC? Uni? Nope - stuff for the magistrates court.
I never made this public, but back in April, I was pulled over by the Police. I kept this under wraps for 'legal reasons'. But never-the-less, a legal action began. I was driving my best friend's car, after we had spent a few hours refitting his interior. We decided that we should take it out for a spin, and Michael asked if I would like to drive. For various lengthy reasons, I thought that I was covered to drive other vehicles on my insurance.
The plod pulled us over, and said that the vehicle had no tax or insurance. I showed the officer the road tax in the screen, explaining that it was Michael's car. He asked if I was covered to drive, and I gave him my details. He radioed it in, and replied 'Oh dear'. Driving without insurance is a pretty serious crime, and so it went to court. Unbelievably, it took the police and CPS more than 7 weeks to pull their finger out of their arse, and give me a summons (which was made out to the wrong person). By this time I was in the states. After getting an adjournment, I had a date that gave me just one full working day in the country. Very poor form in my opinion.
So I compiled all of the necessary, and went before three magistrates. After pleading guilty, and begging for mercy, the magistrates had this to say. 'It's happenning alot. Insurance companies are removing that level of cover, and leaving many people in your situation. However, you have broken the law'. First off, if you drive other people's vehicles, check your insurance carefully. Are you covered?
I ended up with 6 points (ouch), and a £15 fine (fifteen!). This was the least possible penalty they could legally give me, and they wanted to give me less penalty points! But they weren't able to. After all of this, I have to say that I think the magistrates were brilliant. But I have to say, I think that the damned police officer could and maybe should have shown some leniency. He knew the situation, agreed with me, but then wrote a very one-sided witness statement. Cheers buddy. Before this, I used to like the Police, and support their work. But now I have to wonder whether they really are as target setting, and quota meeting as people claim. What a shame...
Before I finish the Catcouk Returns posts, I have to do some housekeeping, and clean up some film reviews. Over the summer, I saw several films. The first one, before I left the country, I saw the fourth installment of the Indiana Jones series: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I have to say that all of the CGI stuff spoiled it a little, but I really enjoyed the film. There were also a few scenes that were a little bizarre. Obviously there are some scenes that are out-of-this-world, but Indiana Jones has always had that element. Overall, I thought it was a great entertaining film, although some less aware people are probably not going to get the point.
4 Escorts out of 5 - Great film, but maybe won't be understood by everyone.
The other films that I saw was 'The Dark Knight'. I say films, as I saw this film three times! I have never enjoyed a film in the cinema more than this. Heath Ledger as The Joker (and yes I know that everyone raves about him, but he) really was incredible. You also got exceptional value for your money, the film had three endings. You also get Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine. What more could you want?
5 Escorts out of 5 and a Batmobile - a CATCOUK first, scoring higher than 5 Escorts out of 5. Now my favourite film of all time.
Lastly, to the reason why I am late posting. This weekend was our first residential since I got back. And I can easily say that it was the worst residential I have ever run. That's not to say that it was a bad trip, but it was okay. I'm not used to running a trip that's less than pretty good, and I won't really settle for less. I will admit that it is partly my fault, for trying to run the trip at all. Without any other officers going from our unit, I was understaffed. Thank gould for Diana and her husband Saidou, who really made the weekend. Thank goodness for Graham of TS Sturdy also, for providing himself, some cadets, and a bus.
That was the first embarrassing moment. We had two parents who volunteered to drive, yet with my car, and theirs, we were still one seat short. It was so embarrasing, not just for me, but for the unit, and those parents who just can't afford to drive that far. Times are hard. I want to sincerely thank all of those parents who drove, and apologise hugely to everyone else, for putting them in that situation. In the end, one parent had to make his wife walk home, so that he could take the extra cadet. I am furious about that. It's not the parent's fault. I am trying my hardest to provide excellent trips, at a minimal price. Yet our committee refuse to put any money towards a minibus (either in purchasing and running one, or hiring one). They insist that if we hire a bus, it has to come out of the trip costs. That could mean putting the price of a day trip up by £5, and a weekend up by £10. I just can't put up our trip costs by that much.
The second embarrassing moment, was just before we left, the centre manager Ian said that the centre was left in an unnacceptable condition, and that it had been the most destructive weekend in the centre's 15 years. I could accept one or two odd things, but for cadets to have broken so many things is just unreasonable. Then leaving a mess... I don't quite know what has happenned to the mentality of some of those cadets, but jees. Obviously not all of the cadets, the majorty are still brilliant, and had a great weekend, but just those few really have got to me.
In the three years that I have been doing this job, I have never once even thought about resigning from TS Intrepid. But with the unit's current transport policy, and the apparently changing mentality of some of our cadets, I really wondered why I bother, when I have a very busy year at University, and the opportunity to help so many with my national position in the Corps. Thank goodness there are still a majority of fantastic cadets that make my work so worth it, and an up and coming set of senior cadets/ junior officers that are so supportive. The fact that I don't have to worry about our marching band any more, thanks to a fantastic bandmaster, is a relief as well. Even if she is trying to turn our band into a faux show band...
Nevermind, life goes on. I have the Corps' National Weekend Activities Camp to look forward to this weekend, and I hope that it's successful. I really would like to see more cadets want to attend, and given the chance to attend next year.
See you all next time.
If you want to donate £40 000 for us to buy and run a transit minibus for 5 years, why not leave a comment.
If you want to donate £40 000 for us to buy and run a transit minibus for five years, and you actually can, why not leave a comment, and a cheque.
Quote of the Week: 'Is that smell coming from your car?' asked centre manager Ian, as I arrived in Portsmouth, after a 40 mile drive towing TS Intrepid's £2500 lovely, but very heavy box trailer. I can honestly say Ernie has never complained so much before. Especially going up hill, I could really hear that new distributor clicking around. Not to mention the best possible speed of 55mph... I love you Ernie...
Monday, September 08, 2008
Catcouk Returns (part 2)
I know, I know. The post is late, and I left you all on a cliff hanger. But today was the first day of our fourth year of University (woo Adventure Education), and last night I was getting ready (as well as some other NTC stuff).
So where were we? So did I run? Yeah right! I like Jeeps, I do, but they just aren't made for speed or police chases. Like the responsible citizen that I am (even if of another country), I pulled over, switched the engine off, and got some paperwork ready (after several expletives). The officer came up, introduced himself, and asked to see a driver's license, and a registration document for the car. As I handed them over, he asked where we were going.
Having heard several stories, it appears that the Police are leanient on the Boy Scouts. So I replied 'Just heading to XXX back to our Boy Scout Camp'. Play the Boy Scout card. It didn't work - he seemed even less impessed. He checked the registration document, and then moved to my license. After a double take, he asked 'What's this?'. 'It's my driving license officer,' I replied. 'I'm from the UK.'
'Oh, oh, England,' the cop stammered. 'Well, just to remind you that the speed limit is 55 mph. Have a safe evening.' Fantastic! Got away scot-free (http://ask.yahoo.com/20060712.html - just in case you wondered where the term came from). But why did I have to appear before a magistrate? Well, that is the question isn't it.
That day (bearing in mind it was gone midnight), after 8 hours of sleep, I would welcome 54 Scouts (not that I knew that may were coming) to Ockanickon, and form the greatest 'Provisional Troop' ever to slam into Ockanickon. Many weeks before, Terry (awesome Asst. Camp Director) had asked if I wanted to be Scoutmaster of our week 8 provisional troop. Because the camp's numbers were down for our last week of camp, we promoted and invited individual Scouts to attend (known as 'provisional Scouts'). Thus, the 'Provo' troop.
The amazing homemade Troop 1 troop flag - made by me (out of 3 bedsheets and a pillow case from WalMart!), with my beautiful Golfcart in the background. Alright so Kevin laughed continuously when I gave him a ride in it, but it was mine for a week whilst Nick 'the lazy commissioner' went to Puerto Rico.
I had signed up for around 30 Scouts, but no one had told me that we had an open door policy. So, 54 Scouts, and 4 adults later, I was a trained Scoutmaster, of the biggest troop on camp. Although the Scouts came from troops accross New Jersey, Pennsylvannia, Delaware, Virginia and Maryland (5 states), the troop became the most enthusiastic troop ever seen. One of the Scouts remarked to me that he was more enthusiastic about our troop, than his own troop.
We were also pretty sucessful, winning the tetherball 'battle royale' (don't know what Tetherball is? Wikipedia does!), the volleyball tournament, and the water carnival. We missed out on the Golden Skillet, and we would have won the 'Airband Competition', but bad weather called it off. Why did we win? Because we are Troop 1! The troop (numbered on the camp director's instruction) also had it's very own original cheer (which I think may have grated on some people after a while). Someone would shout 'Yeah Troop 1!', and the rest of the troop that was within ear-shot called back 'Yeah Troop 1!' And so this would keep repeating indefinately...
I couldn't possibly talk about troop one, and not talk about some of the adults that joined us. I have to start with Mr. 'Creepy Old Scoutmaster' Eliff - who set the tone for his week on Sunday evening, when he asked 'Is anybody hungry?' as he pulled a ham sandwich from his trench coat, that he had nicked from the Dining Hall. The other memorable adult was Mr. 'Parent helper that is so good he should really be a Scoutmaster' [insert name here]. You may think that I can't remember his name, but he's a lawyer, so he's one of the few people that could bring a law suit against me for using his name. But on top of being a lawyer, he's also a ballon animal entertainer and magician (what a mix of jobs). Apparently, when he appears before one judge, the judge demans he performs a trick before he'll start the trial. Fantastic guy. I even offered him a volunteer job at TS Intrepid NTC if he's ever in England.
I also have to quickly mention the jump rope (skipping rope to you and me) competition held on the Tuesday. The Scouts were happily playing, when Terry (Asst. Camp Director/ Scoutmaster Co-Pilot) got involved. Somehow, Kevin (Staff Member/ Asst. Scoutmaster) an I ended up there too, and so a competition was born. Terry started first, and got an admirable 9 (you have to appreciate that Terry is a big guy). I went next, quite nervous. We all know how clumsy, and unathletic I am. But I struggled on through, and with a rather unique technique, achieved 12. Kevin was last, and sure fire favourite, being fearless, and a multi-award winning swimmer. Kevin got off to a great start, and looked like he had it in the bag. Now, Terry really didn't wan't to loose, so after about 3 jumps, he started shouting 'FAIL' everytime Kevin jumped. Kevin collapsed laughing after just 6 jumps. As one of the Scouts wood burned - Kevin sucks at jump rope!
Terry 'Fish Plates' Robinson - runner up in the jump rope competition.
I was doing really well at meeting Scoutmaster requirements - I was really bad in competitions against Scouts (I went out in the second round of the tetherball), we won the Scoutmaster competition of the water carnival, I had schooled my fellow Scoutmasters at a jump rope competition - yep I was really excelling as a Scoutmaster. And then we got to fill another requirement - the hospital visit! I was heading down to the Leader's archery competition (to win that for Troop 1), when the Scout shouted 'Hi Andy- oh sh*t!' I span round and reprimanded him for bad language, to see him on the floor in pain. So, leaving him with two other leaders (Mr. 'Creepy Old Scoutmaster' Eliff was putting on the most useless splint known to mankind), I ran to the range, and borrowed their suburban. After lifting him up there, Terry drove him and I to hospital. Marvellous.
And so onto staff shutdown week. Conveniently, I missed the first afternoon, so that I could visitmy 'home troop', T29, Dunellen. It was their summer picnic, and it had been organised so that I could attend. I borrowed Terry's car (which he said 'Oh bugger, I've got the truck', and I said 'Brilliant!'), alright, so I mean GMC Sierra truck (pickup version of a Suburban, with 1 5.6ltr engine, and about 1 million horse power, as I described to someone interested in buying it). It was a BIG truck, but really good fun to drive. I discovered, even if you're trying to pull out into traffic, in an automatic, a 5.7 ltr engine will definitely wheel-spin and scare the cyclist in front of you.
While I was discovering that, Tom (incompetent Asst. Camp Director), Joe (my assistant sailing director), and fellow commissioner Nick were discovering that my sailing boat, the beautuful 22ft Catalina, 'The Corpulent Porpoise', really likes me, and doesn't like being sailed without me. They brought the boat back to camp, and the main sail collapsed, the jib (front) sail wouldn't work, and for the first time in my knowledge, the boobs had to get the boat towed in by a motorboat - pillocks. I told you should have waited for me...
And this was turning out to be a week of discoveries. We all have to move out of our regular staff accomodation, and into three sided shelters in camps. I was sharing with Kevin, Nick, Pinky (Kevin's asst.), and James (from aquatics). After last weeks shock discovery that Kevin sucks at jumping rope, we thought there couldn't be anymore we didn't know about him. But we all discovered that Kevin is mortifiably scared of Racoons, and has a real hate for them (we had about 6 babies and a mum outside our 'Ad' at 2am one morning). Nick was fine, until he made a discovery. 'I'm safe up here,' he said from the top bunk. Then Kevin replied, 'What are you talking about! They'll just climb up and scratch your eyes out!' That's right, Nick discovered he was scared of Racoons too, because Racoons can climb. Me, I was too tired to care. Bring it on racoon features!
And that's where this post must leave off. Two days late it may be, but there it ends. And I know, there are still several questions on the lips of the readers - Why was I in front of a magistrate? Why am I now a convicted criminal? Is this going to be CATCOUK's first 3 part post? And, if you're at University with me, and have being playing this giant real world game of Chinese Whispers (Whispers down a lane if you're American) - Why was I convicted and sent to jail in America? Well I'll answer that one now - I didn't!!!
Tune in next time, only the Internet channel...
If you're happy to be back at University, why not leave a message saying 'Andy, you're not the only one.'
If you wish you were anywhere but University, why not leave a message saying 'Andy, you're a sad act - get a life!'
Quote of the week: 'This is going to be a rowdy one isn't it' asked the National Council chairman in dismay, as the Chief of Staff started shouting jokes accross the table...
Tune of the Month: I kissed a girl. Katy Perry.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
CATCOUK returns!
Well hello there!
Just when you thought it was safe to get back into the water... err... I mean Internet. Oh, I ballsed that up. Never minid.
So, having not made a real post in three weeks (or is it four - well none in August any how), you'd think I'd have alot to say. And I suppose that alot of stuff has happenned. Well, going all the way back, the first stuff you missed out on, we our epic trip to Washington, D.C. I say our trip, as my friend Jordan kindly agreed to come with me, and that gave us a Jeep to use. And not just any Jeep, but a Jeep with a manual gearbox (thank the gods...).
After a 4 and a half hour drive (it wasn't me who drove most of the way), we eventually arrived near Washington. Now, being so close, I had to travel the extra 20 miles, and visit the big hangar, that's part of the (American) National Air and Space Museum. Jordan wanted to see the (American) National Gallery, so he jopped on a 'Metro' train (like a subway), whilst he lent me his Jeep. The hangar was amazing - I stood next to a Space Shuttle and everything (as a Star Trek fan, it was also pretty cool that the Space Shuttle they have is the Enterprise...)! It was cool.
To boldly go...? The NASA prototype Space Shuttle - the Enterprise.
After a flying visit of the place, I jumped back into the Jeep, and headed for the Metro station. Although the US may have cheaper fuel, it doesn't last any longer. So naturally, the fuel light came on. And the needle dropped quickly afterwards. Bugger. So I pulled off of Route 66 (is that another tick in the book? - I've driven on Route 66), and found a 'gas station'. After several attempts, I was unable to make the pump work. So I stumbled into the shop like a buffoon to concede defeat.
As it turned out, I had to pre-pay. So I did, and returned to fill the car. I lifted the nozzle, and again nothing happened. I looked at the screen for instructions - 'Lift flap to select fuel'. Oh dear. I spent the next 5 minutes looking for the mythical flap of which it spoke, only to be left (ha ha ha) confused once more. So for the second time, I moped into see the lady cashier to fly my white flag. Just so that you know (put this in the US survival book), the flap was the cradle that the pump nozzle sat in.
Eventually I arrived in the center of D.C. And it was fantastic! Washington was so clean. I think the good weather helped. My first glimpse of the place, was from an escalator, ascending to street level. And it was outside in the open! Not like our Tube escalators that are all inside. It just felt cool. I made my way straight to the other Air and Space museum on the (American) 'National Mall'. What's with all the Air and Space stuff I hear you cry. Well, I'll confess, that visiting the place has been a life time dream for me.
It's one small step for man, one pain in the arse photo for me!
And one of the reasons for that life long dream, is that the original model Enterprise from Star Trek is supposed to be there. So I wandered around the museum, saw a moon lander (which was cool) stood next to a model aircraft carrier (and yes, that remarkably too, was the Enterprise), and saw lots of other cool stuff. By the way, all of these photographs were a pain. Jordan was at the gallery, so I had to take all of them myself. But after 90 minutes, no sign of the Enterprise (the Star Trek thing, not the aircraft carrier). Dejected, I went into the gift store to look for suprise suprise - gifts.
Okay, so I admit to being a cheapskate at this point (but I was working voluntarily for three months). I noticed the gift store had a bargin basement - that's right, a clearance section. So down I went, sifted throught the clearance items (to no avail by the way), and what should I find at the back of this basement? The original USS Enterprise. Sign of the times I suppose, the most iconic model in the history of Star Trek, is at the very back of the bargin basement, in the gift shop of the Air and Space museum. Marvellous.
All I ask is a Tall Ship, and a cheap gift to steer her buy...
After the museum, I went to the Capitol building (thing big white domed US building) to meet up with Jordan. From there we went around the US capital city, and 'saw the sights' (or as I put in my staff time off request - 'General Tourist Behaviour'). The whitehouse is alot smaller than you would think by the way. After a fantastic evening, we made our way back to the car, and onwards to Pennsylvannia. I asked if I could drive the longer leg back through the state of Delaware, and Jordan agreed. So, we swapped over in a service station in Maryland, and on I drove.
As I side note, I have now driven in four US states: New Jersey, Pennsylvannia, Delaware, and Virginia (that's where the Space Shuttle was).
Coming to the end of our I-95 leg in PA (the US's answer to the M1), and it is 1230 midnight. I'm cruising along at usual motorway speeds, and a little bit tired. I'm okay to drive, but I'm almost on automatic pilot. You have to realise that US Speed limits are alot lower that in the UK, and I was doing 70ish. The speed limit was 55. I look in my rear view mirror, and I notice a set of headlights. A set of headlights that look suspisiously like they belong to a 'Crown Victoria' (the standard US police car). Bugger. After changing lanes, and the lights staying glued to my backside, some red and blue ones go off.
The question is - did I run, and make it into America's scariest police chases? Did I stop and get arrested, thus spending a night in jail with a 400lbs sweating bank robber? Did I get deported? Who knows. You'll have to wait until next week's thrilling installment to find out...
If you hate it when I write two part posts, why not leave a comment saying that you could have read more before you fell asleep with boredom.
If you have already fallen asleep, why not leave a comment when you wake up, saying how long you were asleep for.
Quote of the... er... Month?: 'How do you plead' asked the magistrate of me. Honestly, I had to attend a Court hearing and plead. Woops.
Just when you thought it was safe to get back into the water... err... I mean Internet. Oh, I ballsed that up. Never minid.
So, having not made a real post in three weeks (or is it four - well none in August any how), you'd think I'd have alot to say. And I suppose that alot of stuff has happenned. Well, going all the way back, the first stuff you missed out on, we our epic trip to Washington, D.C. I say our trip, as my friend Jordan kindly agreed to come with me, and that gave us a Jeep to use. And not just any Jeep, but a Jeep with a manual gearbox (thank the gods...).
After a 4 and a half hour drive (it wasn't me who drove most of the way), we eventually arrived near Washington. Now, being so close, I had to travel the extra 20 miles, and visit the big hangar, that's part of the (American) National Air and Space Museum. Jordan wanted to see the (American) National Gallery, so he jopped on a 'Metro' train (like a subway), whilst he lent me his Jeep. The hangar was amazing - I stood next to a Space Shuttle and everything (as a Star Trek fan, it was also pretty cool that the Space Shuttle they have is the Enterprise...)! It was cool.
To boldly go...? The NASA prototype Space Shuttle - the Enterprise.After a flying visit of the place, I jumped back into the Jeep, and headed for the Metro station. Although the US may have cheaper fuel, it doesn't last any longer. So naturally, the fuel light came on. And the needle dropped quickly afterwards. Bugger. So I pulled off of Route 66 (is that another tick in the book? - I've driven on Route 66), and found a 'gas station'. After several attempts, I was unable to make the pump work. So I stumbled into the shop like a buffoon to concede defeat.
As it turned out, I had to pre-pay. So I did, and returned to fill the car. I lifted the nozzle, and again nothing happened. I looked at the screen for instructions - 'Lift flap to select fuel'. Oh dear. I spent the next 5 minutes looking for the mythical flap of which it spoke, only to be left (ha ha ha) confused once more. So for the second time, I moped into see the lady cashier to fly my white flag. Just so that you know (put this in the US survival book), the flap was the cradle that the pump nozzle sat in.
Eventually I arrived in the center of D.C. And it was fantastic! Washington was so clean. I think the good weather helped. My first glimpse of the place, was from an escalator, ascending to street level. And it was outside in the open! Not like our Tube escalators that are all inside. It just felt cool. I made my way straight to the other Air and Space museum on the (American) 'National Mall'. What's with all the Air and Space stuff I hear you cry. Well, I'll confess, that visiting the place has been a life time dream for me.
It's one small step for man, one pain in the arse photo for me!And one of the reasons for that life long dream, is that the original model Enterprise from Star Trek is supposed to be there. So I wandered around the museum, saw a moon lander (which was cool) stood next to a model aircraft carrier (and yes, that remarkably too, was the Enterprise), and saw lots of other cool stuff. By the way, all of these photographs were a pain. Jordan was at the gallery, so I had to take all of them myself. But after 90 minutes, no sign of the Enterprise (the Star Trek thing, not the aircraft carrier). Dejected, I went into the gift store to look for suprise suprise - gifts.
Okay, so I admit to being a cheapskate at this point (but I was working voluntarily for three months). I noticed the gift store had a bargin basement - that's right, a clearance section. So down I went, sifted throught the clearance items (to no avail by the way), and what should I find at the back of this basement? The original USS Enterprise. Sign of the times I suppose, the most iconic model in the history of Star Trek, is at the very back of the bargin basement, in the gift shop of the Air and Space museum. Marvellous.
All I ask is a Tall Ship, and a cheap gift to steer her buy...After the museum, I went to the Capitol building (thing big white domed US building) to meet up with Jordan. From there we went around the US capital city, and 'saw the sights' (or as I put in my staff time off request - 'General Tourist Behaviour'). The whitehouse is alot smaller than you would think by the way. After a fantastic evening, we made our way back to the car, and onwards to Pennsylvannia. I asked if I could drive the longer leg back through the state of Delaware, and Jordan agreed. So, we swapped over in a service station in Maryland, and on I drove.
As I side note, I have now driven in four US states: New Jersey, Pennsylvannia, Delaware, and Virginia (that's where the Space Shuttle was).
Coming to the end of our I-95 leg in PA (the US's answer to the M1), and it is 1230 midnight. I'm cruising along at usual motorway speeds, and a little bit tired. I'm okay to drive, but I'm almost on automatic pilot. You have to realise that US Speed limits are alot lower that in the UK, and I was doing 70ish. The speed limit was 55. I look in my rear view mirror, and I notice a set of headlights. A set of headlights that look suspisiously like they belong to a 'Crown Victoria' (the standard US police car). Bugger. After changing lanes, and the lights staying glued to my backside, some red and blue ones go off.
The question is - did I run, and make it into America's scariest police chases? Did I stop and get arrested, thus spending a night in jail with a 400lbs sweating bank robber? Did I get deported? Who knows. You'll have to wait until next week's thrilling installment to find out...
If you hate it when I write two part posts, why not leave a comment saying that you could have read more before you fell asleep with boredom.
If you have already fallen asleep, why not leave a comment when you wake up, saying how long you were asleep for.
Quote of the... er... Month?: 'How do you plead' asked the magistrate of me. Honestly, I had to attend a Court hearing and plead. Woops.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Where is CATCOUK?
The general public are now beginning to worry about the welfare of CATCOUK writer, Andy Clarke. Nothing has been heard from the 21 year old from Lancing in several weeks now, via his multi-award losing blog. Suspisions have now been raised as to whether the intrepid young man did indeed make it back from his recent 11 week trip to the United States.
Suspisions were raised after a regular reader of CATCOUK trawled back through past posts of this year's 'American Adventure', and found that Andy hadn't been injured once. A full investigation has now been launched, and international authorities remain hopeful. Rest assured, whatever the fate of CATCOUK, or Andy Clarke, you will hear about it her first.
Goodnight, and good luck!
If you have any information as to the whereabouts of CATCOUK, and would like to see that this blog remains silent, you can leave a comment below, and we'll get him.
If you have any information as to the whereabouts of CATCOUK, and would like to see the posts continue, you can leave a comment below.
If you don't have any
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
I think that we all knew this was enevitable
So, I went straight from a busy week filled with 54 Scouts, to a busy week filled with shutting down and closing camp. It's all very sad. I have packed away the Corpulent Porpoise for what might be my last time. Many of my freinds have left, or are leaving, and I have to realise that this may be the last time that I see them.
Having said that, Bill, the boss, has now asked me several times to return next year. And I have to give him credit. My mind has gone from knowing that this would be my last year, to 'How can I make this happen again next year?' And changing my mind is like trying to steer a train...
Anyways, as busy as I am, I haven't really the time to entertain you, so you'll need to entertain yourselves. Either of the links below are barrels of fun, and will keep the average reader of this blog entertained for hours...
http://www.instantrimshot.com/
http://www.sadtrombone.com/
Have fun. See you all next week, when I'll be posting live from the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland! Rule Britainia...
Having said that, Bill, the boss, has now asked me several times to return next year. And I have to give him credit. My mind has gone from knowing that this would be my last year, to 'How can I make this happen again next year?' And changing my mind is like trying to steer a train...
Anyways, as busy as I am, I haven't really the time to entertain you, so you'll need to entertain yourselves. Either of the links below are barrels of fun, and will keep the average reader of this blog entertained for hours...
http://www.instantrimshot.com/
http://www.sadtrombone.com/
Have fun. See you all next week, when I'll be posting live from the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland! Rule Britainia...
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Y'all came through, shame I haven't!
I know, I know, you've left some comments, but writing this dribble takes time. I really am trying to find a spare hour somewhere, but looking after 54 Scouts is way more busy than it sounds. Especially when you don't recognise any of them. It's even more difficult being a British bloke amongst this rabble. Take this evening's 'Tether Ball Battle Royale'. Ever heard of tether ball? Nope, me neither, but I played. Played and lost every game - but I looked glamorous doing it. What was it my sailing instructor said - the elephant is a graceful bird...
Then there was the irony of me telling off American Scouts for messing around at a flag ceremony - when it's the damned American flag! Hello, I can stand still for two minutes, and it's not even my flag!!! Well, I managed to find a few minutes here to scribble something. But I'm afraid, as amazing a Scoutmaster as I maybe (even the boss almost complimented me today) I still have to sleep (and be up in time to wake people up for early morning swim - yippee!). So on that note, I will bid thee goodnight, and pleasant dreams (and as I tell the Scouts, don't let the bed monster get ya!)
Then there was the irony of me telling off American Scouts for messing around at a flag ceremony - when it's the damned American flag! Hello, I can stand still for two minutes, and it's not even my flag!!! Well, I managed to find a few minutes here to scribble something. But I'm afraid, as amazing a Scoutmaster as I maybe (even the boss almost complimented me today) I still have to sleep (and be up in time to wake people up for early morning swim - yippee!). So on that note, I will bid thee goodnight, and pleasant dreams (and as I tell the Scouts, don't let the bed monster get ya!)
Monday, August 11, 2008
Where's the post?
Well, no-one has left any comments in the last two weeks (although someone did last week on FaceBook - thanks Charlotte). Until this is rectified, I won't be posting anything. And it has absolutly nothing to do with the fact that I am the Scoutmaster of Ockanickon Troop 1, with 54 boys, and exceptionally busy chasing around after the kids to do stuff.
On a side note, and because it is so cool, I went to Washington DC this weekend which was amazing. I stood next to a Space Shuttle! (it was the Enterprise too...)
On a side note, and because it is so cool, I went to Washington DC this weekend which was amazing. I stood next to a Space Shuttle! (it was the Enterprise too...)
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Week Eight: 'Home' once more...
G'day mates!
Why Australian I hear you ask? Well, the number of people thinking that I am from the land of Oz is increasing. Which is odd really, as some Americans think that I might be Australian, others are almost offended by the thought - 'No way! You're definately British!' Facinating.
But that's not all. I like to wear my Nautical Training Corps (NTC) uniform to 'retreat' ceremony (when they lower their flag) every now and then. It makes experience for the Scouts, whilst allowing me to represent the Nautical Training Corps (it's also nice to be different sometimes). Unfortunately, some people don't quite realise what my uniform is.
Obviously, the NTC is so unwell known in the UK, that no American is going to guess correctly. Most go straight for me being a 'Sea Scout', which is about as close to correct as they can be. Some ask if I am in the Royal Navy, which again, is fairly reasonable. Last year, my rank was signified by a big gold button with an anchor written on it. This year, thanks to my ludicrous promotion, I have three thick gold stripes. With my officers cap, I have had several people ask if I am a pilot. Even if I was a pilot for British Airways! With the stripes I can kind of understand the confusion - but with all the anchors on my various badges? What pilots carry anchors? Bad ones, that's who. If 'm flying, I don't want to expect a water landing...
Just when you think the level of dumbness amongst our campers has reached an all time high, they go out and proove that people are always capable of being more dumb. One day this week, I told my sailing group that we would need another driver, as one of the parents wouldn't be available (the lake that we sail on is about 15 miles away form camp). One of the Scouts enthusiastically said he would get his Dad. I asked if he could take the other two Scouts from his troop too. I said 'Yes, absolutly'. Okay great. So I jump in the other leader's car, with the other three Scouts, and we drove the the car park and waited. And waited. And waited...
After about 20 minutes, the leader and I decided that we should probably go and see where the other leader and the three Scouts had gotten to. So we drive up to the back of the 'parking lot', and we find the rest of our group. It turned out that the other leader had a two-seater pick-up truck. Two seats for five people. So, the leader was standing at the side of the vehicle (looking a little confused) about to get in, and drive off. His son was sitting in the passenger seat. Where do you think the other two kids/ Scouts were? That's right - in the bed of the truck!
Obviously, we stopped that from happenning. But I should have seen it coming, when one of the Scouts had asked me previously, and unrelated, 'So, what's the law on riding in pick-up trucks in Pennsylvannia?'.
'Well' I replied, and to the best of my knowledge, 'as I understand it, it is legal to ride in the bed, so long as you are below the load level of the bed. Of course, I could be wrong.' How riding below the load level is any safer is anyone's guess. Only in America...
Finally, we get on to the topic involved in this week's title. This weekend, I travelled 'home' to New Jersey to see my friends (who are like a second family really). Dunellen, NJ is kind of my American home, and I just love the people there. I can't believe it has taken me so long to get up there and see them. Terry kindly lent me his car, so I went on a mini road trip to Dunellen, 70 miles away. As I am sure you all know, I dearly love driving. But driving automatics long distance is as dull as I have always thought it was. This was made even worse by America's ridiculously low speed limits.
I was driving at 55 mph along roads that in the UK would have a speed limit of 70 (which really means doing 80). Of course, if I had been driving my car, with the UK police to worry about, I would take the risk of pushing it just over the speed limit. But in someone else's car, with a foreign police force to worry about, I wasn't risking it. It felt like it took forever to get up to Dunellen.
But I arrived at Bill V's house just after 12. Fantastic. It was great to see Bill and his wife Stella again. I spent a few hours with them, and had lunch. By the way, Bill V cooks the best steak that I have ever had! Absolutly beautiful. After that, I moved onto Chris Q's house, and met up with him and his wife for dinner. In the evening some more people showed up, and we just sat on their back porch, in their words, BS'ing (BS stands for Bull and Something Else). I think I eventually got into bed around 1am. It was a late night, but it really was great to catch up with the Piano family, and the rest of the troop. And they always treat me so well. I really hope I'll be able to get up there and see them again.
Well that kind of wraps up my week. Except to say that my friend Bill V has given me a special ration of 'Pickled Balogne' for camp. It's like a giant uncooked frankfurter, but pickled. It looks pretty disgusting (I may even put a picture up later), but it tastes great. Thanks Bill.
If you think riding in the back of a pickup truck for 15 miles sounds like fun, why not leave a comment addressed to the organ donar program.
If you think that riding in the back of a pickup truck for 15 miles is a bad idea, why not leave a comment addressed to the camp's staff applications.
Quote of the Week: 'That's a tip from an old hunter, from when he used to go hunting coons' explained Bill V over a coke. I'd never heard a racoon called a coon before, so I naturally assumed that Kentucky must have some really racist hunting history...
Tune of the Month: Tea for the Tillerman. Chris Martin. (it's the closing theme to Extras)
Why Australian I hear you ask? Well, the number of people thinking that I am from the land of Oz is increasing. Which is odd really, as some Americans think that I might be Australian, others are almost offended by the thought - 'No way! You're definately British!' Facinating.
But that's not all. I like to wear my Nautical Training Corps (NTC) uniform to 'retreat' ceremony (when they lower their flag) every now and then. It makes experience for the Scouts, whilst allowing me to represent the Nautical Training Corps (it's also nice to be different sometimes). Unfortunately, some people don't quite realise what my uniform is.
Obviously, the NTC is so unwell known in the UK, that no American is going to guess correctly. Most go straight for me being a 'Sea Scout', which is about as close to correct as they can be. Some ask if I am in the Royal Navy, which again, is fairly reasonable. Last year, my rank was signified by a big gold button with an anchor written on it. This year, thanks to my ludicrous promotion, I have three thick gold stripes. With my officers cap, I have had several people ask if I am a pilot. Even if I was a pilot for British Airways! With the stripes I can kind of understand the confusion - but with all the anchors on my various badges? What pilots carry anchors? Bad ones, that's who. If 'm flying, I don't want to expect a water landing...
Just when you think the level of dumbness amongst our campers has reached an all time high, they go out and proove that people are always capable of being more dumb. One day this week, I told my sailing group that we would need another driver, as one of the parents wouldn't be available (the lake that we sail on is about 15 miles away form camp). One of the Scouts enthusiastically said he would get his Dad. I asked if he could take the other two Scouts from his troop too. I said 'Yes, absolutly'. Okay great. So I jump in the other leader's car, with the other three Scouts, and we drove the the car park and waited. And waited. And waited...
After about 20 minutes, the leader and I decided that we should probably go and see where the other leader and the three Scouts had gotten to. So we drive up to the back of the 'parking lot', and we find the rest of our group. It turned out that the other leader had a two-seater pick-up truck. Two seats for five people. So, the leader was standing at the side of the vehicle (looking a little confused) about to get in, and drive off. His son was sitting in the passenger seat. Where do you think the other two kids/ Scouts were? That's right - in the bed of the truck!
Obviously, we stopped that from happenning. But I should have seen it coming, when one of the Scouts had asked me previously, and unrelated, 'So, what's the law on riding in pick-up trucks in Pennsylvannia?'.
'Well' I replied, and to the best of my knowledge, 'as I understand it, it is legal to ride in the bed, so long as you are below the load level of the bed. Of course, I could be wrong.' How riding below the load level is any safer is anyone's guess. Only in America...
Finally, we get on to the topic involved in this week's title. This weekend, I travelled 'home' to New Jersey to see my friends (who are like a second family really). Dunellen, NJ is kind of my American home, and I just love the people there. I can't believe it has taken me so long to get up there and see them. Terry kindly lent me his car, so I went on a mini road trip to Dunellen, 70 miles away. As I am sure you all know, I dearly love driving. But driving automatics long distance is as dull as I have always thought it was. This was made even worse by America's ridiculously low speed limits.
I was driving at 55 mph along roads that in the UK would have a speed limit of 70 (which really means doing 80). Of course, if I had been driving my car, with the UK police to worry about, I would take the risk of pushing it just over the speed limit. But in someone else's car, with a foreign police force to worry about, I wasn't risking it. It felt like it took forever to get up to Dunellen.
But I arrived at Bill V's house just after 12. Fantastic. It was great to see Bill and his wife Stella again. I spent a few hours with them, and had lunch. By the way, Bill V cooks the best steak that I have ever had! Absolutly beautiful. After that, I moved onto Chris Q's house, and met up with him and his wife for dinner. In the evening some more people showed up, and we just sat on their back porch, in their words, BS'ing (BS stands for Bull and Something Else). I think I eventually got into bed around 1am. It was a late night, but it really was great to catch up with the Piano family, and the rest of the troop. And they always treat me so well. I really hope I'll be able to get up there and see them again.
Well that kind of wraps up my week. Except to say that my friend Bill V has given me a special ration of 'Pickled Balogne' for camp. It's like a giant uncooked frankfurter, but pickled. It looks pretty disgusting (I may even put a picture up later), but it tastes great. Thanks Bill.
If you think riding in the back of a pickup truck for 15 miles sounds like fun, why not leave a comment addressed to the organ donar program.
If you think that riding in the back of a pickup truck for 15 miles is a bad idea, why not leave a comment addressed to the camp's staff applications.
Quote of the Week: 'That's a tip from an old hunter, from when he used to go hunting coons' explained Bill V over a coke. I'd never heard a racoon called a coon before, so I naturally assumed that Kentucky must have some really racist hunting history...
Tune of the Month: Tea for the Tillerman. Chris Martin. (it's the closing theme to Extras)
Monday, July 28, 2008
Week 7: Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
Howday y'all!
This week, has probably been the most exciting week yet in the States. And this week's title is very literal, in the sense that is acurately describes my week. Well, almost. So the train was technically last week, when Jordan and I hopped on the choo-choo to Philly. But the rest were definitely this week.
From a work point of view, the competency of the leaders coming with Scouts definitely dropped. We have written in the leader guides, we tell people at a meeting, and I even tell the class on the evening before: YOU MUST PROVIDE TRANSPORT. So the first day of sailing, and we have just about enough transport for the Scouts, but not for me or my assistant. So Giraffel (my asst. had to drive). What makes me mad though, is that one of the trucks had two adults in (where only one was needed), and the truck had another seat they weren't using. Dullards.
This was compounded by the other sailing crew. Two of them, both as dull as cod. Honestly, they could have fallen asleep and been more interesting. They are also the first crew that I haven't invited to have ice cream. I just couldn't spend any more time in their presence!
I have to also say, that this week was the first week that sailing made the front page of our troop evaluations (well, last week's). This is a good thing. But we didn't just get written in there once, but FIVE TIMES! The first time we are on the front page, and it happens multiple times! One said that, and I quote ‘Sailing is awesome – and so is Andy!!!’ Brilliant. This week's 'evals' were just an excuse to write my name or my department on a piece of paper.
Although we had to drive ourselves this week, it did allow us to get some stuff from the store. Last year, I purchased an American 'Cell Phone' from a 'dollar store'. It cost $10, so I thought, 'What the hey, why not?' After 7 weeks in the US, I have finally used my free 20 units. When I went to buy new airtime, the cheapest was $20 for 60 units. Considering that I had only used 20 units, it made sense for me to just get another new 'cell phone'. So I have! Despite these stupidly low prices, they do try and squeeze all the money they can out of you. I get charged (and apparently this is normal in the US) to receive calls, as well as make them. That really annoys me.
But nevermind, for people are being very open about letting me drive their cars this year. Jordan let me drive his Jeep back from the 'Rail road' station last week, and Todd let me drive his car to the ice cream shop and back. Todd's car is still my favourite 'normal' car. I'm not sure that anything can beat the 'Suburban'. But Todd is a great guy, and he is kind of the camp's very own superhero. In fact, Superman wear's Todd Warner pajamas. But I digress. For, as well as letting me drive his car, Todd also let me pilot his PLANE! That's right everybody - I went flying this weekend with Todd! He was even kind enough to use a plane...
Me, flying with Todd - he was a little tired, so he decided to use the plane instead. 
Todd and I standing by his plane, the Piper Archer, N2245W.
The weather was good enough for us to get to fly around, but we weren't able to stay up for as long as we would have like. The weather closed in a little, and Todd didn't want an 'exciting landing'. Apparently, some people call those a crash!!! But it was a good 90 minute flight. We flew over camp, and over the lake that I sail on. We nearly hit a glider, and a plane nearly hit us, but it was an enjoyable flght. And Todd's landing was near perfect. Not bad really, he's only been flying for 2 years.
Todd's plane in it's hangar - we had to pull it out by hand, and it wasn't even very heavy (whuch would be a good thing for a plane)
Todd let me fly the plane, a 1979 Piper Archer, along the Delaware river, and I was at the controls for about 20 minutes. It was awesome, and much more difficult than I ever thought a plane would be. But I guess that I'm just used to a big commercial aircraft that moves very little. With this new experience, I have now driven a vehicle at a faster speed than ever before! We were flying (air speed) at 115 knots (around 120-125mph). And that's also a new heght record for me to drive at, we flew at 3000ft.
This week, has probably been the most exciting week yet in the States. And this week's title is very literal, in the sense that is acurately describes my week. Well, almost. So the train was technically last week, when Jordan and I hopped on the choo-choo to Philly. But the rest were definitely this week.
From a work point of view, the competency of the leaders coming with Scouts definitely dropped. We have written in the leader guides, we tell people at a meeting, and I even tell the class on the evening before: YOU MUST PROVIDE TRANSPORT. So the first day of sailing, and we have just about enough transport for the Scouts, but not for me or my assistant. So Giraffel (my asst. had to drive). What makes me mad though, is that one of the trucks had two adults in (where only one was needed), and the truck had another seat they weren't using. Dullards.
This was compounded by the other sailing crew. Two of them, both as dull as cod. Honestly, they could have fallen asleep and been more interesting. They are also the first crew that I haven't invited to have ice cream. I just couldn't spend any more time in their presence!
I have to also say, that this week was the first week that sailing made the front page of our troop evaluations (well, last week's). This is a good thing. But we didn't just get written in there once, but FIVE TIMES! The first time we are on the front page, and it happens multiple times! One said that, and I quote ‘Sailing is awesome – and so is Andy!!!’ Brilliant. This week's 'evals' were just an excuse to write my name or my department on a piece of paper.
Although we had to drive ourselves this week, it did allow us to get some stuff from the store. Last year, I purchased an American 'Cell Phone' from a 'dollar store'. It cost $10, so I thought, 'What the hey, why not?' After 7 weeks in the US, I have finally used my free 20 units. When I went to buy new airtime, the cheapest was $20 for 60 units. Considering that I had only used 20 units, it made sense for me to just get another new 'cell phone'. So I have! Despite these stupidly low prices, they do try and squeeze all the money they can out of you. I get charged (and apparently this is normal in the US) to receive calls, as well as make them. That really annoys me.
But nevermind, for people are being very open about letting me drive their cars this year. Jordan let me drive his Jeep back from the 'Rail road' station last week, and Todd let me drive his car to the ice cream shop and back. Todd's car is still my favourite 'normal' car. I'm not sure that anything can beat the 'Suburban'. But Todd is a great guy, and he is kind of the camp's very own superhero. In fact, Superman wear's Todd Warner pajamas. But I digress. For, as well as letting me drive his car, Todd also let me pilot his PLANE! That's right everybody - I went flying this weekend with Todd! He was even kind enough to use a plane...
Me, flying with Todd - he was a little tired, so he decided to use the plane instead. Todd and I standing by his plane, the Piper Archer, N2245W.The weather was good enough for us to get to fly around, but we weren't able to stay up for as long as we would have like. The weather closed in a little, and Todd didn't want an 'exciting landing'. Apparently, some people call those a crash!!! But it was a good 90 minute flight. We flew over camp, and over the lake that I sail on. We nearly hit a glider, and a plane nearly hit us, but it was an enjoyable flght. And Todd's landing was near perfect. Not bad really, he's only been flying for 2 years.
Todd's plane in it's hangar - we had to pull it out by hand, and it wasn't even very heavy (whuch would be a good thing for a plane)Todd let me fly the plane, a 1979 Piper Archer, along the Delaware river, and I was at the controls for about 20 minutes. It was awesome, and much more difficult than I ever thought a plane would be. But I guess that I'm just used to a big commercial aircraft that moves very little. With this new experience, I have now driven a vehicle at a faster speed than ever before! We were flying (air speed) at 115 knots (around 120-125mph). And that's also a new heght record for me to drive at, we flew at 3000ft.
Me at the controls - contain yourself ladies, I know that it's just like a scene from Top Gun... 
The controls that I had to play with - how about this for irony, Todd was able to fly on his (left) side of the plane, just like in a car, and I was able to drive on the right side of the plane, just like a car. Why can't cars be like that?
Thanks Todd, it was an awesome day. And to follow it up, we ate at Chick-Fill-A, a delicious chicken based fast food restaurant. And y'all know how much I like my chicken nuggets with BBQ sauce! Delicious.
Lastly, my Nan (or Grandmother if you have to speak American) had her 88th birthday this week (at least I think she's 88 - I could be wrong). Obviously, being here, I wasn't able to see her on her birthday. So what better way to send a cheery birthday message than with a video. But not just any video. How about a video of 100 American staff member Scouts singing happy birthday, the only way they know how? Voila - one birthday video. You can see it too, on YouTube by clicking here.
Well that was my week. This weekend I'm going to cross the State line into New Jersey to see my friends from Scout Troop 29. I can't wait to see those guys again.
If you are a fan of Top Gun, and are offended by my comparson to it, why not leave a comment telling me that I'm far taller than Tom Cruise.
If you are a fan of Top Gun, but are now an even bigger fan of me, and you are young, attractive and female, why not leave a comment telling me that I'm far taller than Tom Cruise (you might also want to include your phone number...).
Quote of the Week: '[Sigh] Looks like we'll be talking again this evening' said Kevin, our first year Scout (Dan Beard Program) Director, when I informed him that one of his staff members had told Scouts that you can find North by looking at the moon, and that a map and compass is useless in the woods. Sorry Kevin.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Week Six: Golf cart fun!
Welcome to another thrilling installment of CATCOUK, live from the United States of America. I have to start this week, with an exclusive announcement. The United States once again recognises the authority of Her Majesty the Queen. For the time being, I am accepting the position of Supreme Governor of the US, until the Foreign Office dispatches someone to relieve me. How did this all happen, I hear you cry. Well read on and find out...
This week has been pretty good. Well, it started pretty good. We took 10 kids through their sailing merit badge this week, bringing our seasonal average up to 6.5 Scouts a week. Once again, this brings our weekly average to more than 100% of my department's capacity. At this moment in time, I have a further 8 this coming week.
The camp has a couple of golf carts for various people. Most prominently, the Camp Director, and the Health Lodge (whose cart is known effectionatly as the 'Am-boo-boo-lance'). On Tuesday, I needed to transport a couple of cots (camp beds) to the Lenape campsite. Lenape is farthest away from everything. It's about 30 million miles out from the rest of camp. Naturally, I wasn't going to struggle all that way with two wooden cots, so I asked to borrow Bill's Golf Cart. He said that he didn't have a problem with it, so I carried on.
When I went to stop at the equipment shed, I misjudged the brakes a little, and pulled a very Starsky & Hutch style skidding turn and stop on the loose gravel. I did this, unintentionally, right in front of a whole class of an Eagle department merit badge. The whole class stopped, and turned around to look at me, wide open mouthed like fish. Then one kid said 'That was so cool!', shortly followed by the other 30 kids jeering. It did feel pretty cool.
I also had to pick up a cot from another campsite. Instead of folding it up, I decided to just rest in accross the length of the cart. This worked pretty well, except that I now had a huge blind spot. I didn't run over any small Scouts, but I did hit a small tree stump. That was uncomfortable. To end the day off, the Health Officer tried to race me in the 'boo-boo-lance'. It was a futile effort, as my cart was much faster (newer batteries), but they cheated, and the climbing director pulled their cart past ours. Cheats.
Following this, the less competent Camp Director told me that I was banned from Golf Carts. This I have taken with a pinch of salt, as he has far less safety practices than I. He drove in the pitch black of night, with no lights, and a camping adult standing on the back. And because he couldn't see where he was going, he drove under a low branch, and knocked the leader off the back. Idiot.
This weekend, Jordan and I went on a train. That's right, a TRAIN. My first trip on an American train. It was interesting. Many different characters. But I have to say, for all of the US's technological advancements, I was suprised at how backwards the train network was. Everything on the train was manual. Each carriage had to have a man operating it. There weren't even computerised tickets. But we had a great day out in Philadelphia (if not a very warm day).
Also, I have had complaints about a lack of photos. Well, yeah, I haven't been taking many. But here is a photo that I have taken.
Why am I wearing a Hawaiian shirt? Because it's Friday!!!
Finally, how did I become Supreme Governor of the US. Before we left on Saturday, as always, we had a closing ceremony, which includes lowering the US flag. We were lined up ready to marvh on as the staff, when I realised that the only directors we had, was our unconfident ecology, our very old doctor (medical advisor), and one of our Asst. Program Directors. As he sucks at parade offers, I offered to march on the staff, in the absence of other people. I marched on, and I realised that I would be taking the salute. Oh well, we'll deal with it. But it wasn't until they were lowering the flag that I would also be receiving the American flag.
Okay, so this was akward. They were about to retire the American flag, in front of 700 people, to an English bloke. One of our small, but excpetionally competent staff members came to present the folded flag, and you could see his eyes widen as he saw who he was reporting to. He came up to me, and asked unsure, 'So, am I giving this to you?'
Equally unsure, 'I... I guess so' I replied. So I took the flag, and marched off holding it as best as I had been told. The Americans are very picky about how their flag is carried. Despite being the only person I have seen attenpt to carry it off correctly, I think I held the flag upside down. Bummer. But never mind. I guess as the US have presented me with their flag, they have surrended. Jolly good!
If you would like to be Supreme Governor of America, why not leave a message, addressed to the UK foreign office.
If you think that I have made an error, why not leave a message, addressed to the US State department.
Quote of the Week: 'If you'll look out of the window, you'll see the boat of professionalism sailing away' gestured one of our competent Asst. Camp Directors, Terry, at the Sunday night leaders meeting, as the meeting ended in many a joke, and hilarity. It was funny.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Week Five: I can't think of any more titles that begin Welcome Back
Hello to one and all. First off the bat, I need to straighten a few things out. I'm not very good at making sure that my comments get answers when they ask something. So I'm going to do that first. Either I used the term 'CIT' or one of my comments did. The term CIT refers to a 14 year-old staff member, that is a 'Councellor In Training'. Sorted.
I also feel a strong urge to point out that having more clocks in camp is a rediculous idea, and Nick is still a bit bizarre. No matter how many comments you leave Nick, it will not chnage the fact that people could just buy a watch, instead of demanding more clocks around camp. Just keep looking for toads in the breezeway...
So, this week has seen me clawing back at my department's seasonal average. Last year, despite having a capacity of 6 Scouts, the sailing department ended the year with an average of 7.2 Scouts per week. Last week we only had 2 Scouts, and I need to start getting that average up again (for the pride and fine tradition of the Corpulent Porpoise). So this week, we took 8 Scouts through their Small Boat Sailing Merit Badge. If I can get another 8 through this week, I'm back up to an average of 6 a week!
The rest of this week, just like the rest if camp so far, has gone swimmingly well. A few complaints, but nothing too serious or repetitive. Alas, we realised this week that there is trouble on the horizon. Just like last year, when I was doing site assignments, Asst. Camp Director Nick found that we have more campers coming in a few weeks than we have beds for. Oh dear... Fortunatly we have a plan, and once again, the camp will be very crowded, but program will continue. Unfortunatly, the plan involves moving staff members from their accomodation. It's a logical plan, I just wish the camp would tell the staff members involved...
But the week hasn't all been great ice cream whilst sailing, followed by stress and frustration. I did infact have some fun with my friends at the Health Lodge, Bridget and Pat. One evening, I was in the dining hall, when a Scout walked in, not wearing anything but a towel. The camp has a dress code for the dining hall, and oddly enough, more than a towel is required. So, myself and other staff members challenged the Scout. He said that he needed to use the toilet, as he had diaheorra. Obviously we let him in.
As fellow commissioner Nick phoned into the Health Lodge, annoncing 'Code Brown', we waited for the Scout to come out so we could escort him to the Health Lodge. The Scout came out looking very healthy, and it was then that I started to piece the evidence together. As the Scout was getting changed in his tent, it dawned on me. Young looking Scout (most likely first year), and it's Tuesday. Well, most first year Scouts don't like the idea of using the latrines (where you do you business into a fancy looking, but fowl smelling hole in the ground). By Tuesday, it becomes time for nature to take it's course. The kid didn't have the runs, he just hadn't been in several days!
As the Scout casually hung his swimming shorts out to dry, I said that he should bring them with him, as we escorted him to Health Lodge. Making him carry them at arms length the entire way, we walked into the Health Lodge with him. At this point, the nurse, Bridget took one look at us, and started screaming at us. 'You made him carry those all the way accross camp?!?!?!' If they were really dirty, you don't really want to be spreading contaminant. As Nick and I tried to bolt, Bridget chased after us angrily. I explained the situation, and she started laughing.
In the meantime, Pat has placed the shorts in a plastic bag, and has now come tearing out of the Health Lodge, proceeding to hit Nick and I. Eventually, we stop laughing long enough to explain the situation. I hope that taught the Scout a lesson about using latrines, and lying - A Scout is Honest!
Finally, I discovered this weekend that I can get 15% discount at the local outdoor equipment store. They give this discount to students, and they accepted my UK National Union of Students card. Good news. Last weekend, my long lasting €35 'walking shoes' from France gave up. The soles started to peel off, and the apoxy resin is only just holding. Having said that, I only bought the things because I forgot my boots when I went on a three day expedition in Fontainbleu in 2006. They were cheap, and have lasted rediculously well. So, I need new shoes for Uni is September, may as well get them now. As it turns out, it was damn cheap. $60 (roughly £30) saw me get new Merrell approach shoes. The cheapest I've seen them back home is £45-£50. The climbing gear here is cheap as well. It looks like I'll need to find some luggage room.
Well that's been my week in the US. On a couple of a personal notes: Siobhan, that looked both disgusting and painful; Michael, best of luck, and I need to speak to you soon.
If you like to play practical 'code brown' jokes on people, you might want to leave a comment asking for profesional help.
If you don't enjoy playing practical 'code brown' jokes on people, you may wish to leave a comment telling us how sick we all are!
Quote of the Week: 'I don't want any witnesses!' said Bill (the boss) menacingly, as Program Director Joe, Commssioner 'Girly Scream' Nick, and I discussed how we would remove some brown bats.
I also feel a strong urge to point out that having more clocks in camp is a rediculous idea, and Nick is still a bit bizarre. No matter how many comments you leave Nick, it will not chnage the fact that people could just buy a watch, instead of demanding more clocks around camp. Just keep looking for toads in the breezeway...
So, this week has seen me clawing back at my department's seasonal average. Last year, despite having a capacity of 6 Scouts, the sailing department ended the year with an average of 7.2 Scouts per week. Last week we only had 2 Scouts, and I need to start getting that average up again (for the pride and fine tradition of the Corpulent Porpoise). So this week, we took 8 Scouts through their Small Boat Sailing Merit Badge. If I can get another 8 through this week, I'm back up to an average of 6 a week!
The rest of this week, just like the rest if camp so far, has gone swimmingly well. A few complaints, but nothing too serious or repetitive. Alas, we realised this week that there is trouble on the horizon. Just like last year, when I was doing site assignments, Asst. Camp Director Nick found that we have more campers coming in a few weeks than we have beds for. Oh dear... Fortunatly we have a plan, and once again, the camp will be very crowded, but program will continue. Unfortunatly, the plan involves moving staff members from their accomodation. It's a logical plan, I just wish the camp would tell the staff members involved...
But the week hasn't all been great ice cream whilst sailing, followed by stress and frustration. I did infact have some fun with my friends at the Health Lodge, Bridget and Pat. One evening, I was in the dining hall, when a Scout walked in, not wearing anything but a towel. The camp has a dress code for the dining hall, and oddly enough, more than a towel is required. So, myself and other staff members challenged the Scout. He said that he needed to use the toilet, as he had diaheorra. Obviously we let him in.
As fellow commissioner Nick phoned into the Health Lodge, annoncing 'Code Brown', we waited for the Scout to come out so we could escort him to the Health Lodge. The Scout came out looking very healthy, and it was then that I started to piece the evidence together. As the Scout was getting changed in his tent, it dawned on me. Young looking Scout (most likely first year), and it's Tuesday. Well, most first year Scouts don't like the idea of using the latrines (where you do you business into a fancy looking, but fowl smelling hole in the ground). By Tuesday, it becomes time for nature to take it's course. The kid didn't have the runs, he just hadn't been in several days!
As the Scout casually hung his swimming shorts out to dry, I said that he should bring them with him, as we escorted him to Health Lodge. Making him carry them at arms length the entire way, we walked into the Health Lodge with him. At this point, the nurse, Bridget took one look at us, and started screaming at us. 'You made him carry those all the way accross camp?!?!?!' If they were really dirty, you don't really want to be spreading contaminant. As Nick and I tried to bolt, Bridget chased after us angrily. I explained the situation, and she started laughing.
In the meantime, Pat has placed the shorts in a plastic bag, and has now come tearing out of the Health Lodge, proceeding to hit Nick and I. Eventually, we stop laughing long enough to explain the situation. I hope that taught the Scout a lesson about using latrines, and lying - A Scout is Honest!
Finally, I discovered this weekend that I can get 15% discount at the local outdoor equipment store. They give this discount to students, and they accepted my UK National Union of Students card. Good news. Last weekend, my long lasting €35 'walking shoes' from France gave up. The soles started to peel off, and the apoxy resin is only just holding. Having said that, I only bought the things because I forgot my boots when I went on a three day expedition in Fontainbleu in 2006. They were cheap, and have lasted rediculously well. So, I need new shoes for Uni is September, may as well get them now. As it turns out, it was damn cheap. $60 (roughly £30) saw me get new Merrell approach shoes. The cheapest I've seen them back home is £45-£50. The climbing gear here is cheap as well. It looks like I'll need to find some luggage room.
Well that's been my week in the US. On a couple of a personal notes: Siobhan, that looked both disgusting and painful; Michael, best of luck, and I need to speak to you soon.
If you like to play practical 'code brown' jokes on people, you might want to leave a comment asking for profesional help.
If you don't enjoy playing practical 'code brown' jokes on people, you may wish to leave a comment telling us how sick we all are!
Quote of the Week: 'I don't want any witnesses!' said Bill (the boss) menacingly, as Program Director Joe, Commssioner 'Girly Scream' Nick, and I discussed how we would remove some brown bats.
Monday, July 07, 2008
Week Four: Welcome back to the Boy Scouts
This has certainly been an interesting week. I was almost tempted to title this post ‘the talented Mr. Clarke’, but I felt that that was too egotistical. As you know, I am the camp’s Sailing Director, and I’m also a Commissioner (basically a one man customer services department). But at the beginning of this week, I took on another role: replacement Archery Director.
I didn’t really mind taking over at the Archery range (after all, I am qualified in archery, and it will look cool in my logbook). Having said that, I didn’t realise that I would need to run the range for a day and a half, including running the range whilst the camp’s national inspection went on. So basically, I needed to run the camp’s archery range, that I had only ever seen once before, during the camp’s BIG national inspection. No worries there then…
Well, we did pass the inspection with flying colours, so the three departments that I was responsible for didn’t fail. I can’t say that it was all hard work though. The shooting sports director, an older guy who tells blue jokes and is affectionately known as Mr. A, let me drive up and down from the range. He has a broken ankle, so that makes driving difficult. As you all know, I love driving, so you would think that that would make me excited enough. Add to this, that the shooting sports range is only accessible by a very sketchy road that traverses the side of a mountain. Heck, one side of part of the road is a near sheer drop down to the creek. One wrong turn there, and it would be good night Vienna.
Furthermore, the guess what sort of car it is? That’s right – my favourite American vehicle, a mk VIII (8) Suburban (still the only car technically large enough to eat another car – whole). This is the ‘shooting sports ‘burban’, and dates back to 1974. I love cars of the 1970’s, and I especially love mk VIII Suburbans. This particular Suburban is not road legal any more, and some, what some will call… quirks? Mr. A has told me that he’s afraid that he’ll stamp on the brakes one day, and the cabin will slide off of the rusty chassis. Also, the exhaust pipe is split halfway, so it sounds like an absolute beast. The exhaust fumes also get filtered through the cabin. So the passengers may get some fine filtered fumes (I guess it’s like a petrol head’s drug or something). Because of the filtering effect, I guess it’s also the most harmless American car to the planet…
So after all the fun of driving a huge American off road fortress on wheels, down the smallest, most dangerous road on the face of the planet, the rest of the week couldn’t really get better. Well, it didn’t, but some other fun stuff happened to. Last week, my fellow commissioner, Nick, received a comment that there aren’t enough clocks around camp. Now, after a sustained period of laughter, my response, and just about every other sane person’s response was: ‘Just buy a watch!’ Well, many people heard about this, and the thought escalated to: ‘a clock on every tree’, ‘every clock should be a cuckoo clock’, ‘there should be some of those freaky cat eye clocks too’.
Following this, we have made fun off, taken the mickey out, and just generally annoyed Nick all week. Until this week, on Thursday we had our leaders meeting. Our boss, Bill, asked the camp if there were enough clocks around camp. The answer from the Scoutmasters was unanimously yes. Everyone that knew about the situation, except Nick who vehemently supports the idea, was gob smacked. JUST BUY A FRIGGIN’ WATCH!
But hey ho, one of our Asst. Camp Directors, Nick (different from previous commissioner Nick) has now bought commish Nick a ‘Sponge Bob Square Pants’ clock. He will now be receiving radio calls asking for the time. He must reply with ‘Sponge Bob says…’. Oh we are going to have some fun!
I spent this weekend at someone’s home! For the first time in 27 days, I actually slept in a bed. A real bed, not a dodgy camp cot. But most interestingly, the family were really nice, and helped me out immensely. Including lending me some shoes when the soles peeled off of mine (they also epoxied my soles back on). Moreover, I had my first real ‘Philly Cheese Steak’ (basically sliced beef steak in a small baguette with cheese sause), and a Slurpee (icy flavoured drink?). How American I have been this week. Also, despite the boss banning me from wearing my cowboy hat (as seen in ‘Andiana Jones’), I wore it Friday afternoon while he was off site. Yeehaw!
If only I had gone hand gun shooting this week, I couldn’t have been much more American! Yet despite this, Friday was still the 4th July. Although that doesn’t mean much to most people (other than it’s no longer 3rd July), apparently it’s a big day in the states. Despite all of my Americanism this week, the boss said ‘I don’t want Andy involved [with the Independence Day celebrations]’. I’m not sure if I should be insulted or not.
Finally, and I suppose there’s almost a segway there, the reason for the title of this post. Welcome back to the Boy Scouts. I have had to put up with so much administrative bull this week it’s untrue. I was almost ready to kill someone Thursday night, so it’s a good job Asst. Camp Director Nick offered some of us virgin piña colada (basically no alcohol) when he did. Mind you, someone did tell me once that 2 thirds of the BSA is BS. Ain’t that the truth…
If you thought this post was just thrown together with no particular order (and you’d be right), why not leave a comment telling me to practice more.
If you thought that this post was perfectly coherent, you don’t read right!
Quote of the Week: ‘So, with that accent, which state do you come from?’ I was asked of a young Scout, before replying with ‘Alabama’. Idiot.
Tune of the Month: Mistress Mabel. The Fratellis (in support of someone over here actually hearing of a UK band – thank you Zach!)
I didn’t really mind taking over at the Archery range (after all, I am qualified in archery, and it will look cool in my logbook). Having said that, I didn’t realise that I would need to run the range for a day and a half, including running the range whilst the camp’s national inspection went on. So basically, I needed to run the camp’s archery range, that I had only ever seen once before, during the camp’s BIG national inspection. No worries there then…
Well, we did pass the inspection with flying colours, so the three departments that I was responsible for didn’t fail. I can’t say that it was all hard work though. The shooting sports director, an older guy who tells blue jokes and is affectionately known as Mr. A, let me drive up and down from the range. He has a broken ankle, so that makes driving difficult. As you all know, I love driving, so you would think that that would make me excited enough. Add to this, that the shooting sports range is only accessible by a very sketchy road that traverses the side of a mountain. Heck, one side of part of the road is a near sheer drop down to the creek. One wrong turn there, and it would be good night Vienna.
Furthermore, the guess what sort of car it is? That’s right – my favourite American vehicle, a mk VIII (8) Suburban (still the only car technically large enough to eat another car – whole). This is the ‘shooting sports ‘burban’, and dates back to 1974. I love cars of the 1970’s, and I especially love mk VIII Suburbans. This particular Suburban is not road legal any more, and some, what some will call… quirks? Mr. A has told me that he’s afraid that he’ll stamp on the brakes one day, and the cabin will slide off of the rusty chassis. Also, the exhaust pipe is split halfway, so it sounds like an absolute beast. The exhaust fumes also get filtered through the cabin. So the passengers may get some fine filtered fumes (I guess it’s like a petrol head’s drug or something). Because of the filtering effect, I guess it’s also the most harmless American car to the planet…
So after all the fun of driving a huge American off road fortress on wheels, down the smallest, most dangerous road on the face of the planet, the rest of the week couldn’t really get better. Well, it didn’t, but some other fun stuff happened to. Last week, my fellow commissioner, Nick, received a comment that there aren’t enough clocks around camp. Now, after a sustained period of laughter, my response, and just about every other sane person’s response was: ‘Just buy a watch!’ Well, many people heard about this, and the thought escalated to: ‘a clock on every tree’, ‘every clock should be a cuckoo clock’, ‘there should be some of those freaky cat eye clocks too’.
Following this, we have made fun off, taken the mickey out, and just generally annoyed Nick all week. Until this week, on Thursday we had our leaders meeting. Our boss, Bill, asked the camp if there were enough clocks around camp. The answer from the Scoutmasters was unanimously yes. Everyone that knew about the situation, except Nick who vehemently supports the idea, was gob smacked. JUST BUY A FRIGGIN’ WATCH!
But hey ho, one of our Asst. Camp Directors, Nick (different from previous commissioner Nick) has now bought commish Nick a ‘Sponge Bob Square Pants’ clock. He will now be receiving radio calls asking for the time. He must reply with ‘Sponge Bob says…’. Oh we are going to have some fun!
I spent this weekend at someone’s home! For the first time in 27 days, I actually slept in a bed. A real bed, not a dodgy camp cot. But most interestingly, the family were really nice, and helped me out immensely. Including lending me some shoes when the soles peeled off of mine (they also epoxied my soles back on). Moreover, I had my first real ‘Philly Cheese Steak’ (basically sliced beef steak in a small baguette with cheese sause), and a Slurpee (icy flavoured drink?). How American I have been this week. Also, despite the boss banning me from wearing my cowboy hat (as seen in ‘Andiana Jones’), I wore it Friday afternoon while he was off site. Yeehaw!
If only I had gone hand gun shooting this week, I couldn’t have been much more American! Yet despite this, Friday was still the 4th July. Although that doesn’t mean much to most people (other than it’s no longer 3rd July), apparently it’s a big day in the states. Despite all of my Americanism this week, the boss said ‘I don’t want Andy involved [with the Independence Day celebrations]’. I’m not sure if I should be insulted or not.
Finally, and I suppose there’s almost a segway there, the reason for the title of this post. Welcome back to the Boy Scouts. I have had to put up with so much administrative bull this week it’s untrue. I was almost ready to kill someone Thursday night, so it’s a good job Asst. Camp Director Nick offered some of us virgin piña colada (basically no alcohol) when he did. Mind you, someone did tell me once that 2 thirds of the BSA is BS. Ain’t that the truth…
If you thought this post was just thrown together with no particular order (and you’d be right), why not leave a comment telling me to practice more.
If you thought that this post was perfectly coherent, you don’t read right!
Quote of the Week: ‘So, with that accent, which state do you come from?’ I was asked of a young Scout, before replying with ‘Alabama’. Idiot.
Tune of the Month: Mistress Mabel. The Fratellis (in support of someone over here actually hearing of a UK band – thank you Zach!)
Monday, June 30, 2008
Week Three: Welcome back to the Corpulent Porpoise...
Last week, we all rejoiced in the fabulous news of the Corpulent Porpoise sailing once more. My predecessor, and last year’s sailing program in general was plagued with a series of problems. This was not helped by renaming the boat, as is the tradition of the camp. Well, I believe that this is one of the unluckiest things that you can do to a boat.
So, in an attempt to skirt around the boat’s bad luck, I have kept the name this year. This is by a large, in opposition the rest of the staff, who wish the tradition to continue. I have however, put my foot down, and kept the name.
And sure enough, Monday was a glorious day. The ‘Porpoise sailed beautifully on Monday morning, and everything went great. Perhaps all of my fears had been in vain, and my simple action of keeping the name have solved the situation. Wrong.
Sailing back into dock on Tuesday, the boat was quite sailing as I had expected it. We were getting very near the berth, and we began to lower the main sail (theory being that we could sail in just using our front ‘jib’ sail). Suddenly, we heard a ‘crack’, and the jib sail fell down the mast, and fell into the drink. Acting quickly I ordered paddles onto the deck, before the wind could blow us too far away. I hauled the jib sail back on the boat, and we moored up (or parked for those of you that don’t speak nautical).
Upon closer inspection, the rope that keeps the sail at the top of the mast. Now here’s a big irony – one of our assistant camp directors helped us set the boat up. He is not known as a man of great competence (unless you are talking about the camp’s money, or reversing vehicles). So when he said to me ‘that line will never hold’, I of course did the exact opposite. How was I supposed to know that the one time Tom would be right this century was this time.
So anyway, I was now left with a merit badge class to teach, and a pretty vital metal wire stuck at the top of a 25ft mast. Bugger. Apparently the curse of the Corpulent Porpoise continues.
This was a pretty major problem. The best way to complete the job would require us to bring the ‘Porpoise out of the water, lower the mast, sort the problem out, and then reset the mast, and launch again. Unfortunately, this would require the use of a pretty strong vehicle (maybe the Suburban?), and the cast of Ghandi (well 3 or 4 people). I didn’t really want to make use of that many of the camp’s resources, so I developed a plan. Cue Hannibal Smith from The A Team: ‘I love it when a plan comes together’ he says putting a cigar into his mouth.
Using Terry’s car, I would transport an extension ladder to the boat, have another staff member hold the ladder against the mast, whilst I climb to the top of the ladder, and grab the wire. One of the advantages of being a member of ‘Adventure Sports’ is that I have a larger staff that I can call upon for support. So while my assistant Jaffle carries on with the sailing merit badge on the small SunFish, I could borrow another Adventure Sports staff member, and some ‘toys’.
With Terry’s agreement, I loaded the ladder on Wednesday morning, and Mike and I headed for the lake, armed with a climbing harness, a sling, and some lobster claws (like safety clips on the end of two ropes). We arrived at the boat, and set the ladder up. Mke held the bottom, whilst I climbed half way, to throw a sling around the mast, above the spreader bars to secure the ladder.
At this point, I feel the need to point out, that this boat has a fair amount of bad luck surrounding it. The boat is 34 years old, and the securing point that the mast attaches to is weakened. I am about to scale 25ft of this mast, right to the top, whilst it’s in the water, and still wobbling about. Nothing could go wrong with this plan at all! Of course, I wasn’t afraid to carry this out…
In an attempt to go less far up the mast, I had borrowed a long armed magnet from Handicraft, so that I could just magnet the metal wire from just over half way up. Unfortunately the wind had wrapped the boat around several other wires, so the magnet plan wouldn’t work. With all the bad luck, and poor equipment in mind, I nervously began to scale the ladder. I found the wire that I was after, and began unwrapping it quickly. I wasn’t going to hang around here longer than I needed to. Job done, I came back down the ladder, and relaxed.
In the whole operation, nothing went wrong. Which was a good thing, because despite wearing a climbing harness, and having lobster claws attached to me, I never attached the lobster claws to anything else! But hey, I had safety equipment with me.
But the curse of the boat continued. On the way home, we hit a small bump at 25mph, and one of Terry’s roof bars snapped. Well, not actually the metal bar, but one of the silly bloody plastic feet. I was understandably furious, and very upset that I had damaged Terry’s car. I apologised to Terry, and offered to replace the part and/or pay for it. Terry proceeded to say don’t worry about it, as he explained that a replacement would cost $200! Can you believe that? $200, and it can’t even hold a flipping ladder?!?!?!
Following this, I have asked the camp’s gun-totin’ chaplain to exorcise the boat of all it’s demons.
And as if that wasn’t bad enough, the garage have finally contacted home about Ernie. You may remember that a bars in my rear suspension snapped. Well, the garage agreed to hold on to Ernie until his MOT this week, saving Dad having to pick him up. W Jones have never been bad to me, and they have always contacted me if it was going to be a big job. Bearing in mind that the largest bill I have ever paid is £400ish, and the car is only worth £300-£400, you can understand how angree and annoyed I would be at W Jones calling my parents, and saying ‘It’s ready to be picked up, that will be £850 please’. They’ll be receiving a phone call on Monday morning from the United States…
This has been a really bad week, and I was very confident that I was heading for depression. But it is amazing how easy I am to cheer up. One of my friends took me to the local town for some latin American food (which was delicious by the way). Whilst we drove around, Jordan let me drive his Jeep Wrangler!!! Not only is it a small American 4 by 4, but it is also manual. It felt so good to drive automatic again!
Well, here’s hoping for a happier week…
If you knew the jib halyard wouldn’t hold, why not leave a comment saying that you are as knowledgeable as Tom.
If you didn’t know that the jib halyard would snap, why not leave a comment saying that you under estimated the curse of the Corpulent Porpoise.
Quote of the Week: ‘Yeah, we believe in God, Jesus, all that crap’ explained one staff member, as we discussed his faith in Roman Catholicism.
So, in an attempt to skirt around the boat’s bad luck, I have kept the name this year. This is by a large, in opposition the rest of the staff, who wish the tradition to continue. I have however, put my foot down, and kept the name.
And sure enough, Monday was a glorious day. The ‘Porpoise sailed beautifully on Monday morning, and everything went great. Perhaps all of my fears had been in vain, and my simple action of keeping the name have solved the situation. Wrong.
Sailing back into dock on Tuesday, the boat was quite sailing as I had expected it. We were getting very near the berth, and we began to lower the main sail (theory being that we could sail in just using our front ‘jib’ sail). Suddenly, we heard a ‘crack’, and the jib sail fell down the mast, and fell into the drink. Acting quickly I ordered paddles onto the deck, before the wind could blow us too far away. I hauled the jib sail back on the boat, and we moored up (or parked for those of you that don’t speak nautical).
Upon closer inspection, the rope that keeps the sail at the top of the mast. Now here’s a big irony – one of our assistant camp directors helped us set the boat up. He is not known as a man of great competence (unless you are talking about the camp’s money, or reversing vehicles). So when he said to me ‘that line will never hold’, I of course did the exact opposite. How was I supposed to know that the one time Tom would be right this century was this time.
So anyway, I was now left with a merit badge class to teach, and a pretty vital metal wire stuck at the top of a 25ft mast. Bugger. Apparently the curse of the Corpulent Porpoise continues.
This was a pretty major problem. The best way to complete the job would require us to bring the ‘Porpoise out of the water, lower the mast, sort the problem out, and then reset the mast, and launch again. Unfortunately, this would require the use of a pretty strong vehicle (maybe the Suburban?), and the cast of Ghandi (well 3 or 4 people). I didn’t really want to make use of that many of the camp’s resources, so I developed a plan. Cue Hannibal Smith from The A Team: ‘I love it when a plan comes together’ he says putting a cigar into his mouth.
Using Terry’s car, I would transport an extension ladder to the boat, have another staff member hold the ladder against the mast, whilst I climb to the top of the ladder, and grab the wire. One of the advantages of being a member of ‘Adventure Sports’ is that I have a larger staff that I can call upon for support. So while my assistant Jaffle carries on with the sailing merit badge on the small SunFish, I could borrow another Adventure Sports staff member, and some ‘toys’.
With Terry’s agreement, I loaded the ladder on Wednesday morning, and Mike and I headed for the lake, armed with a climbing harness, a sling, and some lobster claws (like safety clips on the end of two ropes). We arrived at the boat, and set the ladder up. Mke held the bottom, whilst I climbed half way, to throw a sling around the mast, above the spreader bars to secure the ladder.
At this point, I feel the need to point out, that this boat has a fair amount of bad luck surrounding it. The boat is 34 years old, and the securing point that the mast attaches to is weakened. I am about to scale 25ft of this mast, right to the top, whilst it’s in the water, and still wobbling about. Nothing could go wrong with this plan at all! Of course, I wasn’t afraid to carry this out…
In an attempt to go less far up the mast, I had borrowed a long armed magnet from Handicraft, so that I could just magnet the metal wire from just over half way up. Unfortunately the wind had wrapped the boat around several other wires, so the magnet plan wouldn’t work. With all the bad luck, and poor equipment in mind, I nervously began to scale the ladder. I found the wire that I was after, and began unwrapping it quickly. I wasn’t going to hang around here longer than I needed to. Job done, I came back down the ladder, and relaxed.
In the whole operation, nothing went wrong. Which was a good thing, because despite wearing a climbing harness, and having lobster claws attached to me, I never attached the lobster claws to anything else! But hey, I had safety equipment with me.
But the curse of the boat continued. On the way home, we hit a small bump at 25mph, and one of Terry’s roof bars snapped. Well, not actually the metal bar, but one of the silly bloody plastic feet. I was understandably furious, and very upset that I had damaged Terry’s car. I apologised to Terry, and offered to replace the part and/or pay for it. Terry proceeded to say don’t worry about it, as he explained that a replacement would cost $200! Can you believe that? $200, and it can’t even hold a flipping ladder?!?!?!
Following this, I have asked the camp’s gun-totin’ chaplain to exorcise the boat of all it’s demons.
And as if that wasn’t bad enough, the garage have finally contacted home about Ernie. You may remember that a bars in my rear suspension snapped. Well, the garage agreed to hold on to Ernie until his MOT this week, saving Dad having to pick him up. W Jones have never been bad to me, and they have always contacted me if it was going to be a big job. Bearing in mind that the largest bill I have ever paid is £400ish, and the car is only worth £300-£400, you can understand how angree and annoyed I would be at W Jones calling my parents, and saying ‘It’s ready to be picked up, that will be £850 please’. They’ll be receiving a phone call on Monday morning from the United States…
This has been a really bad week, and I was very confident that I was heading for depression. But it is amazing how easy I am to cheer up. One of my friends took me to the local town for some latin American food (which was delicious by the way). Whilst we drove around, Jordan let me drive his Jeep Wrangler!!! Not only is it a small American 4 by 4, but it is also manual. It felt so good to drive automatic again!
Well, here’s hoping for a happier week…
If you knew the jib halyard wouldn’t hold, why not leave a comment saying that you are as knowledgeable as Tom.
If you didn’t know that the jib halyard would snap, why not leave a comment saying that you under estimated the curse of the Corpulent Porpoise.
Quote of the Week: ‘Yeah, we believe in God, Jesus, all that crap’ explained one staff member, as we discussed his faith in Roman Catholicism.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Week Two: Welcome back to Ockanickon!
Hey look, this post was delivered to you on time, thanks to the good people of Ockanickon Scout Reservation, Pennsylvania.
I have to start this post proper by announcing:
THE CORPULENT PORPOISE SAILS AGAIN!!!
After procrastinating for several days, on Wednesday, we finally launched our glorious Catalina 22 sailing boat, named ‘The Corpulent Porpoise’. Our beautiful brown 1970’s boat is now afloat again on Lake Nokamixon, ready to enthral Scouts in the art of sailing. Of course, the path to a floating sailing boat was not easy…
Monday was a day of cleaning and repairing. All of the little bits of wear and tear that had occurred over the Winter needed to be repaired. We also started off the season with the largest department this year, with more than 1000 staff members. Unfortunately, my competent assistant director Joe killed them all. Well, the ants and their nest were a bit of a nuisance. So, despite starting off with the largest department on camp, I now manage the smallest.
We were then hoping to launch on Tuesday. Unfortunately, we had to put some fancy stickers on the boat. Kind of like road tax rather than go faster stripes (not that they would help – nothing will make our boat go faster). So come Wednesday, we finally towed the boat to the lake. I had hoped that it would be a fairly simple affair. Regrettably, I had failed to take the Tom Leitz factor into account.
I freely admit that I didn’t know how to raise the mast of the boat, as I usually play with smaller boats. So, I relied on one of our Asst. Camp Directors who seemed confident that he knew what he was doing. WRONG!!! Mind you, it only took two attempts to raise the mast. After Joe and I had unwrapped the vital cables and lines that were needed.
Having said that though, we launched successfully, and the boat seemed to sail fine. One could almost sail beautifully. Almost. But we did dock with all the grace of an elephant on drugs. Yippee.
Alas, all did not make for a relaxed set-up week. Despite my multiple responsibilities at camp, someone has deemed me, rather bizarrely, as competent. And competency never goes unpunished. On top of being Sailing Director (now offered as part of our Adventure Sports Department) and one of our Commissioners (customer relations), I now also share ‘big brother’ responsibilities for the young staff members, supervise one building for medical check-in, and all round nice guy. Yet in spite if this, I’m still not allowed my own walkie-talkie! Well, I wouldn’t trust a British guy either.
This week, I have done lots of driving. I love driving, but all of these automatic US cars, just aren’t as good as Ernie. Who by the way is due his MOT soon, as well as other repair works. I hope he’s okay. Don’t get me wrong. As under-powered as these cars are, they do give me some freedom, and allow me to get about. Big thanks to Terry who often lends me his car.
Lastly, today has been the first day of camp. Scouts have finally arrived, and the fun really begins. The camp politics are out the window for a while, and I can get down to the business of teaching Americans how to sail. Woo hoo. I also feel the need to say that of the two (hi from Dave Senior ok I love all you UK people ttyl) And thanks for that Dave… anyways… Of the two Medical Recheck buildings, the building I ran didn’t get loads of complaints. I’m counting that as a win!
If you have a message for Dave Senior, a fellow director in Adventure Sports, why not leave a comment.
If you don’t have a message for Dave Senior, but may in fact like to leave a comment anyway, why not leave a comment.
I have to start this post proper by announcing:
THE CORPULENT PORPOISE SAILS AGAIN!!!
After procrastinating for several days, on Wednesday, we finally launched our glorious Catalina 22 sailing boat, named ‘The Corpulent Porpoise’. Our beautiful brown 1970’s boat is now afloat again on Lake Nokamixon, ready to enthral Scouts in the art of sailing. Of course, the path to a floating sailing boat was not easy…
Monday was a day of cleaning and repairing. All of the little bits of wear and tear that had occurred over the Winter needed to be repaired. We also started off the season with the largest department this year, with more than 1000 staff members. Unfortunately, my competent assistant director Joe killed them all. Well, the ants and their nest were a bit of a nuisance. So, despite starting off with the largest department on camp, I now manage the smallest.
We were then hoping to launch on Tuesday. Unfortunately, we had to put some fancy stickers on the boat. Kind of like road tax rather than go faster stripes (not that they would help – nothing will make our boat go faster). So come Wednesday, we finally towed the boat to the lake. I had hoped that it would be a fairly simple affair. Regrettably, I had failed to take the Tom Leitz factor into account.
I freely admit that I didn’t know how to raise the mast of the boat, as I usually play with smaller boats. So, I relied on one of our Asst. Camp Directors who seemed confident that he knew what he was doing. WRONG!!! Mind you, it only took two attempts to raise the mast. After Joe and I had unwrapped the vital cables and lines that were needed.
Having said that though, we launched successfully, and the boat seemed to sail fine. One could almost sail beautifully. Almost. But we did dock with all the grace of an elephant on drugs. Yippee.
Alas, all did not make for a relaxed set-up week. Despite my multiple responsibilities at camp, someone has deemed me, rather bizarrely, as competent. And competency never goes unpunished. On top of being Sailing Director (now offered as part of our Adventure Sports Department) and one of our Commissioners (customer relations), I now also share ‘big brother’ responsibilities for the young staff members, supervise one building for medical check-in, and all round nice guy. Yet in spite if this, I’m still not allowed my own walkie-talkie! Well, I wouldn’t trust a British guy either.
This week, I have done lots of driving. I love driving, but all of these automatic US cars, just aren’t as good as Ernie. Who by the way is due his MOT soon, as well as other repair works. I hope he’s okay. Don’t get me wrong. As under-powered as these cars are, they do give me some freedom, and allow me to get about. Big thanks to Terry who often lends me his car.
Lastly, today has been the first day of camp. Scouts have finally arrived, and the fun really begins. The camp politics are out the window for a while, and I can get down to the business of teaching Americans how to sail. Woo hoo. I also feel the need to say that of the two (hi from Dave Senior ok I love all you UK people ttyl) And thanks for that Dave… anyways… Of the two Medical Recheck buildings, the building I ran didn’t get loads of complaints. I’m counting that as a win!
If you have a message for Dave Senior, a fellow director in Adventure Sports, why not leave a comment.
If you don’t have a message for Dave Senior, but may in fact like to leave a comment anyway, why not leave a comment.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Week One: Welcome back to America
Okay, I know I’m a little late posting, but I’m a busy guy again. This is the first time I’ve been able to sit down with my laptop, and I’m not even on the Internet! Right now I’m sitting in ‘Totem Lodge’ at Ockanickon Scout Reservation after a days hard work, trying desperately to type over the noise of people talking about rotten fish in broken freezers…
So what have I been up to this week. Well, first and foremostly, it would appear that I have arrived in Yankee-Doodle land again. I’m not sure how, but I think I got on a plane. Many of my American friends asked me how the trip was. I know that they are just trying to be polite, but what do they expect me to answer with? We were attacked by dragons mid-flight?
Of course my answer was ‘boring’. I still can’t quite understand how boring flying is. Why did people ever get excited about it? Yeah, yeah, I understand the whole against nature thing, but still – BORING! Although I do have to tip my hat to British Airways once again – superb service and a new entertainment system. It was amazing, I was able to use the entertainment system like BBC iPlayer or YouTube. Hundreds of movies when I wanted it. Despite all of this, they still wouldn’t let me drive!
So, I landed at Philadelphia Airport (I have to say that Newark was a nicer flight, and airport last year), and was told to expect one of the Asst. Camp Directors, Tom (he’s not the one that I went hand gun shooting with last year). I came out of international arrivals, and was expecting to find Tom looking grumpy waiting for me. What I was greeted with, was 8 of my colleagues from last year. Even Pat (the health officer), who I hadn’t expected to see. Most amazing arrival party ever! There’s the bar there Mum and Dad…
By the way, in between writing these paragraphs, I have had dinner, and carried out a rescue drill on the High Ropes course. It’s now 9.30pm.
After arriving in the US, what’s the first thing any normal person would do? (Apart from go through US Customs, and get suspected for being an illegal working immigrant) That’s right – go out and get some Mozzarella sticks! We stopped by a bar called Bennigans (Irish themed) and had drinks and a few snacks.
Since arriving, I have mainly spent my time doing that dreaded r word. Now, what is it again? Re- Re- Rela- Oh yeah, relaxing. It’s been terrible. I haven’t been able to do anything else but. Although having said that, I have found that I’m particularly good at the singing part of that Rock Band Game.
On Friday, I went with a couple of guys to a local theme park – Six Flags Great Adventure. If you have really good memories, you may remember that I visited this place before I left last year, but some of the rides were closed. One in particular I was really gutted about. Kingda Ka shoots you (using some sort of magnet system) at 128 mph into a vertical 450ft climb. The ride only lasts about 30 seconds, but the speed and the view were amazing. The car even began to shake as we neared top speed (just like the taking off in the Space Shuttle I would imagine).
I left a curious comment last week about driving a big ol’ American pickup. Unfortunately, the plan of borrowing a GMC High Sierra 4x4 Pickup has fallen through. My friend (and Asst. Camp Director) Terry is letting me borrow his Toyota. How about that for irony – I have travelled 3000 miles, and the car I am lent is just like a small European car. I guess that is why Terry gave me a 1st Class in driving in the US!
So with all of that in mind, I know launch whole heartedly into Camp Ockanickon’s summer season 2008. I guess, as it’s now 11pm on Tuesday, I have already launched, but I’ll leave those frustrations until next week. Yip-dee-do.
If you drive a big American truck, why not leave a comment saying how high you sit in the road.
If you drive a smaller car, why not leave a comment saying how good your petrol mileage is (or gas mileage if you are American).
So what have I been up to this week. Well, first and foremostly, it would appear that I have arrived in Yankee-Doodle land again. I’m not sure how, but I think I got on a plane. Many of my American friends asked me how the trip was. I know that they are just trying to be polite, but what do they expect me to answer with? We were attacked by dragons mid-flight?
Of course my answer was ‘boring’. I still can’t quite understand how boring flying is. Why did people ever get excited about it? Yeah, yeah, I understand the whole against nature thing, but still – BORING! Although I do have to tip my hat to British Airways once again – superb service and a new entertainment system. It was amazing, I was able to use the entertainment system like BBC iPlayer or YouTube. Hundreds of movies when I wanted it. Despite all of this, they still wouldn’t let me drive!
So, I landed at Philadelphia Airport (I have to say that Newark was a nicer flight, and airport last year), and was told to expect one of the Asst. Camp Directors, Tom (he’s not the one that I went hand gun shooting with last year). I came out of international arrivals, and was expecting to find Tom looking grumpy waiting for me. What I was greeted with, was 8 of my colleagues from last year. Even Pat (the health officer), who I hadn’t expected to see. Most amazing arrival party ever! There’s the bar there Mum and Dad…
By the way, in between writing these paragraphs, I have had dinner, and carried out a rescue drill on the High Ropes course. It’s now 9.30pm.
After arriving in the US, what’s the first thing any normal person would do? (Apart from go through US Customs, and get suspected for being an illegal working immigrant) That’s right – go out and get some Mozzarella sticks! We stopped by a bar called Bennigans (Irish themed) and had drinks and a few snacks.
Since arriving, I have mainly spent my time doing that dreaded r word. Now, what is it again? Re- Re- Rela- Oh yeah, relaxing. It’s been terrible. I haven’t been able to do anything else but. Although having said that, I have found that I’m particularly good at the singing part of that Rock Band Game.
On Friday, I went with a couple of guys to a local theme park – Six Flags Great Adventure. If you have really good memories, you may remember that I visited this place before I left last year, but some of the rides were closed. One in particular I was really gutted about. Kingda Ka shoots you (using some sort of magnet system) at 128 mph into a vertical 450ft climb. The ride only lasts about 30 seconds, but the speed and the view were amazing. The car even began to shake as we neared top speed (just like the taking off in the Space Shuttle I would imagine).
I left a curious comment last week about driving a big ol’ American pickup. Unfortunately, the plan of borrowing a GMC High Sierra 4x4 Pickup has fallen through. My friend (and Asst. Camp Director) Terry is letting me borrow his Toyota. How about that for irony – I have travelled 3000 miles, and the car I am lent is just like a small European car. I guess that is why Terry gave me a 1st Class in driving in the US!
So with all of that in mind, I know launch whole heartedly into Camp Ockanickon’s summer season 2008. I guess, as it’s now 11pm on Tuesday, I have already launched, but I’ll leave those frustrations until next week. Yip-dee-do.
If you drive a big American truck, why not leave a comment saying how high you sit in the road.
If you drive a smaller car, why not leave a comment saying how good your petrol mileage is (or gas mileage if you are American).
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
But I have a good excuse
Yes, this post is several days late, but hey! I do have a reasonable excuse. I've flown to America!
Now, I don't want to give away all of the United States stuff (or I'll have nothing for next week), so I'm going to try and remember some things that I got up to last week. And I'm sure there was some good stuff, but I guess we'll just have to read on and find out.
Well, mostly this week, I have been getting ready to travel to America. Now, many of you might think that unsuprising, but how do you pack to live in another country for three months? With great difficulty, that's how! Although, I actually use a different method - leave it all to the last possible minute, and then hope for the best. Yes that's right boys and girls, my bags were packed at 1.14pm on Monday, ready to leave for the airport at 1.15pm. Woo, I rock.
But indispersed amongst the packing, and do paperwork to go, and everything else that is involved with leaving your life for three months, I did find time to do other stuff. Most ammusingly was Wednesday. For a variety of reasons, Mum and I had to move some stuff around. Such was this stuff, that Ernie, as amazing as he is, would not be big enough, and thus a van was required. So, unfortunately, I had to do a life long dream and ambition and - DRIVE A FORD TRANSIT!!!!!
Now, they (whoever 'they' are) say that you should never drive your dream car, because it will be a disappointment. If only I had listened... I would never have known the wonder that is a Transit Van! I guess the phrase just doesn't apply to vans. It was awesome (how many van drivers can say that about their van? Only Trasit drivers I'll bet)! A van that drives just like a big lumbering car. Brilliant.
After a whole day of bombing about in my short wheel based Transit (named Tony), I wasn't uncomfortable at all. I had enjoyed the day so much in fact, that when Michael and I went to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, guess what we took? That's right, a Short Wheel Based Transit. They even fit through McDonald's drive-thru's. When I had to return the van, I began to even contemplate trading in Ernie for a Transit. Y'all now how much I love my car, but that van was brilliant!
I know that I've spent alot of this post talking about vehicles, and that this post hasn't been very long, but I need to finish on news about Ernie. On Friday, I went out for lunch at McDonalds (I know, two in one week, but hey ho). On the way, we hit a pothole in the road, and we suddenly heard this metal clank, and grinding. I pulled over, and checked the exhaust. Nothing unusual. So I carried on, along the A27 at 60. But the steering tracking was WAY off. Then we hit a bump, and something definitely felt wrong. When I braked, the car pulled violently right. Oh dear.
So, for the first time since time began, Ernie had to be recovered. On a flatbed. Made worse still, by the idiot driving the flatbed. First off, the RAC sent a man in a Transit, who found the problem - a broken tie bar (part of the suspension). But he couldn't tow me. So an hour later, the flatbed turned up. The man jumped in my car, drove reclessly up the ramp, and didn't even close the door! Then, to add insult to injury, he only strapped one side of the car down.
Well, I've heard from the Garage (although with my iminent departure to the US, I didn't think I'd fond out), and amazingly they were able to get the parts from Ford. God bless W Jones. They are even going to take care of Ernie for a few weeks until the service and MOT. Bloody marvellous.
Well that's it. I'm off to eat lots of fatty fast food, drive a big 'ol pickup truck (more about that next week), and generally embrace the American culture. Yeehaw!
If you think that travelling to America is exciting, why not leave a message saying what you do to make the flight more enjoyable.
If you think that travelling to America is boring, why not leave a message saying that you find flying as dull as me.
Quote of the Week: 'Is that swing low sweet chariot?' I need to explain this. Sunday was Founder's Day for the Nautical Training Corps (I'd forgotten why I left before it last year) held at Portsmouth. After the service order was given out, one of the cadets asked me, 'It says here to sing the National Anthem. Which one?' To be fair that could have been the quote of the week, but after I said 'Our National Anthem' he then replied with the above. The British education system sure works well!
Now, I don't want to give away all of the United States stuff (or I'll have nothing for next week), so I'm going to try and remember some things that I got up to last week. And I'm sure there was some good stuff, but I guess we'll just have to read on and find out.
Well, mostly this week, I have been getting ready to travel to America. Now, many of you might think that unsuprising, but how do you pack to live in another country for three months? With great difficulty, that's how! Although, I actually use a different method - leave it all to the last possible minute, and then hope for the best. Yes that's right boys and girls, my bags were packed at 1.14pm on Monday, ready to leave for the airport at 1.15pm. Woo, I rock.
But indispersed amongst the packing, and do paperwork to go, and everything else that is involved with leaving your life for three months, I did find time to do other stuff. Most ammusingly was Wednesday. For a variety of reasons, Mum and I had to move some stuff around. Such was this stuff, that Ernie, as amazing as he is, would not be big enough, and thus a van was required. So, unfortunately, I had to do a life long dream and ambition and - DRIVE A FORD TRANSIT!!!!!
Now, they (whoever 'they' are) say that you should never drive your dream car, because it will be a disappointment. If only I had listened... I would never have known the wonder that is a Transit Van! I guess the phrase just doesn't apply to vans. It was awesome (how many van drivers can say that about their van? Only Trasit drivers I'll bet)! A van that drives just like a big lumbering car. Brilliant.
After a whole day of bombing about in my short wheel based Transit (named Tony), I wasn't uncomfortable at all. I had enjoyed the day so much in fact, that when Michael and I went to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, guess what we took? That's right, a Short Wheel Based Transit. They even fit through McDonald's drive-thru's. When I had to return the van, I began to even contemplate trading in Ernie for a Transit. Y'all now how much I love my car, but that van was brilliant!
I know that I've spent alot of this post talking about vehicles, and that this post hasn't been very long, but I need to finish on news about Ernie. On Friday, I went out for lunch at McDonalds (I know, two in one week, but hey ho). On the way, we hit a pothole in the road, and we suddenly heard this metal clank, and grinding. I pulled over, and checked the exhaust. Nothing unusual. So I carried on, along the A27 at 60. But the steering tracking was WAY off. Then we hit a bump, and something definitely felt wrong. When I braked, the car pulled violently right. Oh dear.
So, for the first time since time began, Ernie had to be recovered. On a flatbed. Made worse still, by the idiot driving the flatbed. First off, the RAC sent a man in a Transit, who found the problem - a broken tie bar (part of the suspension). But he couldn't tow me. So an hour later, the flatbed turned up. The man jumped in my car, drove reclessly up the ramp, and didn't even close the door! Then, to add insult to injury, he only strapped one side of the car down.
Well, I've heard from the Garage (although with my iminent departure to the US, I didn't think I'd fond out), and amazingly they were able to get the parts from Ford. God bless W Jones. They are even going to take care of Ernie for a few weeks until the service and MOT. Bloody marvellous.
Well that's it. I'm off to eat lots of fatty fast food, drive a big 'ol pickup truck (more about that next week), and generally embrace the American culture. Yeehaw!
If you think that travelling to America is exciting, why not leave a message saying what you do to make the flight more enjoyable.
If you think that travelling to America is boring, why not leave a message saying that you find flying as dull as me.
Quote of the Week: 'Is that swing low sweet chariot?' I need to explain this. Sunday was Founder's Day for the Nautical Training Corps (I'd forgotten why I left before it last year) held at Portsmouth. After the service order was given out, one of the cadets asked me, 'It says here to sing the National Anthem. Which one?' To be fair that could have been the quote of the week, but after I said 'Our National Anthem' he then replied with the above. The British education system sure works well!
Monday, June 09, 2008
Please wait...
I'm busy flying to the US at the mo. If you're all good boys and girls, I might put a post up when I arrive. Check back on Tuesday!
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Two week to post?
Sorry, it's the best double meaning title I could come up with.
I suppose that I had better cover the basics first - why was there no post last week? Well, firstly, I wasn't at home on Sunday of last week, I was camping with the good ol' Nautical Training Corps. Secondly, I didn't return until late Monday, by which point I had to get stuff ready to go away early Tuesday morning on a two day climbing course in Southampton. Lastly, since I got home on Wednesday, I have completed and handed in a 23 500 word portfolio for University. So all in all, I've had a busy one.
But, back to business. What have I been up to over the last two weeks? Unusually, I can remember some stuff. To start with, I helped out my middle school on some trips. On Monday, we all went by train (which was very exciting) to Chichester train station. From there, we walked up to our real destination for the day: Chichester Cathedral.
And that is about as exciting as I can make that sound. There were even some exciting activities like making Gargoyles. Yet some how, that activity was made to be as dull as humanly possible. So why, oh why, did I stab my self in the eye with a metaphorical fork, and go again on Wednesday? Arghh...
So, after a week of boredom, I landed in Friday, ready for a bank holiday long weekend camp. Of course, lots of exciting stuff happened at camp, and you can see some of those exploits in our new video on YouTube by clicking here. But as a brief front load, we had 14 cadets going, and Sturdy and a parent were helping with transport. Unfortunatly, when it comes to residential trips, it's not just children that need transporting - it's all of their kit too.
I suppose that I had better cover the basics first - why was there no post last week? Well, firstly, I wasn't at home on Sunday of last week, I was camping with the good ol' Nautical Training Corps. Secondly, I didn't return until late Monday, by which point I had to get stuff ready to go away early Tuesday morning on a two day climbing course in Southampton. Lastly, since I got home on Wednesday, I have completed and handed in a 23 500 word portfolio for University. So all in all, I've had a busy one.
But, back to business. What have I been up to over the last two weeks? Unusually, I can remember some stuff. To start with, I helped out my middle school on some trips. On Monday, we all went by train (which was very exciting) to Chichester train station. From there, we walked up to our real destination for the day: Chichester Cathedral.
And that is about as exciting as I can make that sound. There were even some exciting activities like making Gargoyles. Yet some how, that activity was made to be as dull as humanly possible. So why, oh why, did I stab my self in the eye with a metaphorical fork, and go again on Wednesday? Arghh...
So, after a week of boredom, I landed in Friday, ready for a bank holiday long weekend camp. Of course, lots of exciting stuff happened at camp, and you can see some of those exploits in our new video on YouTube by clicking here. But as a brief front load, we had 14 cadets going, and Sturdy and a parent were helping with transport. Unfortunatly, when it comes to residential trips, it's not just children that need transporting - it's all of their kit too.
So, with that in mind, the Intrepid Box Trailer (which has now been named - wait for it, read on) needed towing. As usual, that responsibility fell to muggins here, and my trusty old Escort. And I don't mind telling you that it took all 1392 cc's of my little Escort's engine to get the heavy old trailer to Surrey. And yes, the speed dial does fall in proportion to the road's angle rising. I think at one point, from a 60 mph run up, we lost revolutions back down to below 30. It's alright though, apparently the Sturdy minibus was just as bad!
Huge thanks, by the way, to Graham, who helped us out of the mire. Muchos Gracias!
So, our trailer has finally got a name? At our first parade of the camp, we were laying down the ground rules. One of the cadets (if memory serves) was becoming a serial hands in pockets demon, so he needed a grounded realistic threat. So the obvious choice was to think Great Escape, and in our best German voice threaten 'Cooler! 20 days!'. Obviously we wouldn't lock kids in the Intrepid Box Trailer (or 'The Cooler') because that would be cruel.
Although, apparently, we would steal other officers classic cars, and attempt to run junior officers over. Winning the award for best Sunset Parade of the year, Stuart provided us with immense entertainment. I noticed one of Stuart's junior officers with his hands in his pockets. So I ran accross the parade field to point him out the error of his ways. He ran, but straight into Bungle's arms. Stuart getting ready for a comedy fight, paced towards the junior officer, just before seeing Ernie.
At this point, I should say that Ernie's engine was running in an attempt to charge one of my phones up. With no success. Anyway, Stuart stops walking towars the officer, and makes a beeline for my car. In he jumps, and the car disappears behind the minibus whilst it turns around. Then it comes onto the parade field, heading for the junior officer. Ernie's life flashes before my eyes, just as Stuart pulls up to a stop, an inch from the laughing junior officer. Flipping hillarious.
So, after camp (all many more interesting things going on), I travelled down to Southampton for a Climbing Course. It was a great course, and not just because it was mainly full of attractive young women. One of them even seemed to take a real interest in me. I almost left her my mobile number (and she really was an attractive 18 year old), when my common sense hit home again. I'm leaving for America in a few days, it would be a good three months before I would be able to see anyone again. Bugger.
And now this week, I have been feverishly working away at my laptop to get my placement portfolio done. I have to hand something into Univrsity to prove that I haven't just sat on my backside for 12 months and twiddled my thumbs. And just a short 23 500 word later (did I mention that already), by Saturday I was ready to panic about trying to get it spiral bound. Thanks once again to Graham for the lead on who might do it.
Lastly, I want to leave you with the same YouTube video as above, but with a different reason for watching it. Mum came back from holiday, and brought a great hat back with her. I have a habbit of wearing 'silly' hats, and this hat is quite special!
So, with Stuart and my sad knowledge of Indiana Jones, and inspired by the new movie, we set about recreating scenes. Of course, to avoid copywright problems, one of my senior cadets came up with something intelligent (amazingly). I present to you:
So, for your viewing pleasure, here is Walton Firs Camp, featuring Andiana Jones and the Camp of Doom.
If you have seen the new Indiana Jones movie, and you liked it, why not leave a comment.
If you have seen the new Indiana Jones movie, and didn't like it, firstly, you're an idiot (he's 65 years old), secondly, don't leave a comment.
If you haven't seen the new Indiana Jones movie (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull) why not leave a comment saying how much you're looking forward to seeing it (like I am, when I go with Michael to see it on Wednesday WOO!).
Quote of the Week: 'No, she's just always standing in ditches when you see her' Graham replied, when Hannah asked if Chrissie (who is about 5ft tall) had a height problem. Other top answers included, no she wanted to be that height.
Quote of the week: (Well, I was away last week) 'Oh dear' sighed Gillian on Monday morning, 'I fear this is going to be a queer day' as we walked to the train station with 60 children on the way to Chichester Cathedral.
Tune of the Month: Raiders March. John Williams (it's the theme tune to Indiana Jones)
Monday, May 19, 2008
Yet more reasons not to own a GPS
Some of you may be aware of my loathin of GPS or SatNav systems. This weekend has afforded me more opportunitues to realise why...
11. The system is unable to read the road signs telling you that a road is closed (and if you manage to take some iniative, and divert the closed road, the GPS will then do it's damnedest to steer you back towards the closed road).
12. The GPS doesn't know where the nearest Pizza Hut is, despite thinking it does (we passed one on the way to the 'nearest' Pizza Hut).
13. The 'Browse Map' feature is almost impossible to read (even when you're used to working with maps).
14. GPS systems are tripe compared to a good ol' map.
11. The system is unable to read the road signs telling you that a road is closed (and if you manage to take some iniative, and divert the closed road, the GPS will then do it's damnedest to steer you back towards the closed road).
12. The GPS doesn't know where the nearest Pizza Hut is, despite thinking it does (we passed one on the way to the 'nearest' Pizza Hut).
13. The 'Browse Map' feature is almost impossible to read (even when you're used to working with maps).
14. GPS systems are tripe compared to a good ol' map.